The Facts of Life - Season 7, Episode 19

"I'm baaaaack!!"

"Atlantic City"
Original airdate: 2/15/1986

Episode summary: The Facts gals spend a long weekend in Atlantic City, where Jo reunites with Michael Damian. 

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Recap: After the Facts gals close the store for the day, Jo says she'd like to have some fun and maybe go somewhere over the long weekend. Tootie is reading the paper when she excitedly announces that Michael Damian - squeal! - is performing at a hotel in Atlantic City, then suggests they make the trip and give his wretched singing some air time.

Jo and Blair arrive at the Atlantic City hotel, where they find signs advertising a waste disposal convention and Michael Damian's upcoming performances. Tootie makes her grand entrance decked out in fur and a feather hat so she can pretend to be a wealthy 21+ year old woman who's old enough to be gambling, while Jo tells Blair she's worried that the spark she had with Michael Damian last season will be all fizzled out. She wonders aloud, "What if he's a dud?", then suddenly worries about him deciding she's the dud. Blair assures her that that's not possible on account of how attractive, smart, and fun she is, and Jo happily mulls over that positive assessment before happily scampering off to look for Michael Damian.

"What if Michael Damian turns out to be a dud?"

"I'd say that dud is far more polite than washout, the descriptor I'd be more inclined to use."

Tootie is pretending to be a sophisticated, seasoned world traveler and casino regular when the dealer asks her if she wants chips and she deadpans, "No, I'm not hungry." When Natalie explains that by chips he means the round plastic things people use for betting, Tootie decides she's willing to put up her entire gambling budget of $25, aka the minimum amount of money gamblers need to spend that buys one chip. LOL. A few seconds later, the suspicious looking manager asks her for ID...and when she shows him a fake driver's license that would make her an Asian woman in her mid-40s, he politely tells her to take the chip and run along to the souvenir shop and buy herself something nice.

Michael Damian rushes past Jo and accidentally bumps into her before he turns around and mutters, "Oh no. Not you." Jo's like, "Er, OK..?" and awkwardly stammers a hello and pretends that she and the Facts gals came to Atlantic City to attend the waste disposal convention. He invites her to join him for a cup of coffee...and the two abandon Blair, who decides to play the slot machines and naturally wins the jackpot on her first try.

Michael Damian tells Jo he finished up his performances in Atlantic City and is about to jet off to England for his next big gig. Jo somehow refrains from laughing at the implausibility of that and suggests they get together later, but he declines 'cause he has a non-existent early morning meeting with record company executives, then abruptly gets up from the table and races off. Blair returns to the lounge with her purse filled with coins, and laments all the good luck she's cursed with in life. Jo suddenly realizes that Michael Damian forgot his glasses atop the table and rushes after him, while Tootie enters the lounge with a tall young man on her arm (Colin), who's sporting a hilariously fake mustache. 

Michael Damian tells the waitress to do her best to get rid of the brunette he was talking to earlier, and when Jo overhears him she looks visibly crestfallen.

Blair continues to win every blackjack hand, while Jo stares despondently into space at the embarrassment of being blown off by a dud like Michael Damian. 

Later, Jo, Tootie, and Natalie are seated in the lounge for the evening when Michael Damian bounds onto the stage and begins singing Tie a Yellow Ribbon. The gals are shocked at his transformation from cringey-to-watch rock and roll wannabe to hotel lounge singer...and once he finishes his set, he flees in shame. Blair rushes over to get advice on how to win back the $3,000 she just lost while gambling - but the gals don't offer much in the way of help and refuse to loan her any of their cash.

Michael Damian sheepishly returns to the lounge to face Jo, who admits that, yep, she just saw his grisly show. He tells her he's humiliated to be nothing more than a third-rate lounge singer - though third might be an over-estimate - just as Blair sneaks over to steal Natalie's purse so that she can gamble away her friends' money.

Natalie asks Blair how it's possible that she lost all of their money...and when Jo suggests she call her father to see if he's willing to replenish her supply, Blair says she already tried that, but was admonished by her daddy to act more like a responsible adult. She then introduces herself to the casino manager as a rich Warner and asks him to please give her a line of credit so she can win her money back...and when her pleas go nowhere, Michael Damian interjects to personally vouch for Blair. The manager's like, "I have no idea who the hell you are" - bwahahaha!! - and mockingly gives Blair a single dollar bill.

"I'd consider it a personal favor if you give my friend here a line of credit."

"That's funny, kid. You must be the hotel's newest comedian."

Jo chases after a red-faced Michael Damian, who insists he's an artist the hotel is oppressing by not permitting him to perform his cheese factory brand of "rock and roll".

In the next scene, Michael Damian takes the stage for his final set - but instead of launching straight into Tie a Yellow Ribbon, he natters about how he nearly forgot who he was until a friend helped him see the light. He then starts up with his latest pop song in his usual raspy-throaty fashion while squinting at the audience in - I can only guess - an effort to look like an edgy rocker...and the audience gets all into it and energetically bops on the dance floor. Colin admits to Tootie that he's under 21 and is wearing a fake mustache...and as Tootie has to sit down from the shock of that revelation, Jo gives Blair a quarter to play a slot machine one last time. Blair, in turn, hands the coin to a random woman, who puts it into the slot machine that instantly hits the jackpot...and Blair rushes back over, shoves the woman out of the way, and maniacally scoops up the giant pile of coins.

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