The Facts of Life - Season 7, Episode 13

"Let's name her after my grandpa. The non-racist one."

"Christmas Baby"
Original airdate: 12/14/1985

Episode summary: Blair's mother gives birth to a daughter on Christmas Day.

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Recap: Blair's soon-to-be-born sister is narrating the events of the day before her birth, which happens to be Christmas Eve. Jo is hurriedly wrapping the various ill-thought-out gifts she bought her loved ones at the last minute (e.g. a laughing bag for her dad, singing socks for Natalie) when Blair arrives with her eight months pregnant mother, Monica, who's lumbering in tow. Mrs. Garrett offers Monica some of her special Christmas cookies - but Blair objects and says she insists that her mom eat a healthier alternative, like yogurt.

Later, as Monica and Blair are trimming the tree, Monica tries to sneak a candy cane - but Blair promptly snatches it out of her hand, breaks it in half, and lectures her about overdoing it with the sugar. She then waxes on about how amaaaaaaazing it is to be able to spend a quiet holiday together this year, but Monica makes a meh face and says she really really misses all the festive galas she normally attends during the holidays and is bummed about being marooned in a shitty town like Peekskill. LOL.

"Isn't it nice that the two of us are spending a quiet Christmas together in Peekskill?"

"I'd much rather be celebrating Christmas Eve at a glitzy Manhattan gala with a hundred of my high society friends."

The Facts cast excitedly opens their gifts as George Clooney puts on Christmas music and invites Monica to gently boogie with him. A few seconds later, Monica gasps, doubles, over, and announces that she's suddenly in labor...and everyone decides they're A-OK cancelling their individual Christmas plans in order to wait around the Peekskill hospital until she delivers her spawn.

The Facts gang arrives at the Peekskill hospital, which Blair snootily complains is rinky-dink compared to the luxuriousness to which Monica is accustomed. Mrs. Garrett assures her that everything will be fine...and Blair vows to have as positive an attitude as she can muster, but then scrunches her face in dismay when she checks in with the inept hospital clerk to begin the paperwork.  

In mid-labor, Monica shriekingly demands meds, then wonders why in blazes she ever thought it'd be a good idea to have a baby at her age. When Blair rushes into the room to see whassup with all the shrieking, the doctor assures her her mom is fine...then says he's off to stuff his face at the Christmas potluck in the staff lounge, and will make a reappearance closer to the delivery time. As Blair and Monica commiserate about the shittiness of this small town hospital, Jo arrives with Monica's suitcase and a little Christmas tree to cheer up the room. Blair urges her mom to breathe deep cleansing breaths and think about pleasant pursuits (e.g. shopping), causing Monica to bark, "I hate you!" before immediately apologizing for everything she's about to blurt out in response to enduring the unbearable pain of childbirth. 

"I'm in the rage phase of the childbirth process."

"Have fun with that. I'm off to a potluck."

Hours later, Blair emerges from Monica's room to complain to the Facts gals that her mom is being irrational, won't breathe deeply along with her, and keeps growling 'I hate you'. Mrs. Garrett assures her that her mom doesn't mean anything she's saying right now, then agrees to say a prayer for the spawn's safe delivery. Blair says she might also do that herself, despite not having talked to God in a very loooooong time and pretty much only whenever she needs something of a divine intervention nature.

Andy arrives at the hospital dressed up as a tiny Santa with a bag of gift-wrapped toiletries for the Facts gals. When he bellows, "Merry Christmas!", the bleary-eyed gals open their "gifts" and thank him for the much needed toothbrushes and mouthwash. A few seconds later, Blair emerges from the delivery room in scrubs to giddily announce that she has a new baby sister. She thanks everyone for needlessly sleeping in the waiting room all night, and urges them to go home and get some rest before visiting hours begin. After a happy group hug, Tootie carries on about the joyousness of receiving the gift of a new baby on Christmas Day, and Blair gushes about how beautiful she is. 

As Monica cradles her newborn daughter, she asks Blair what she should name her...and Blair suggests naming her Bailey after grandpa (presumably not the KKK segregationist one who was posthumously shamed in Season 3's Legacy episode). Blair hears the Facts gang begin to sing The First Noel in front of the hospital room's glass window...so she opens the blinds, then carries her tiny sister over to the window so that everyone can continue carolling whilst smiling serenely at the infant.

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