The Facts of Life - Season 5, Episode 7

"This article downplays my awesomeness."

"Advanced Placement"
Original airdate: 11/02/1983

Episode summary: Natalie earns a spot in Langley College's advanced placement program...and acts haughty and insufferable for the remainder of the episode.

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Recap: Natalie and Mr. Parker arrive at Edna's Edibles...and Natalie is bursting with excitement as she urges Mr. Parker to reveal the happy news. Mr. Parker tells Mrs. Garrett and the rest of the Facts gals that he set up a liaison with Langley College to proceed with an advanced placement program - and when Natalie can no longer restrain herself from interjecting, she blurts out, "I get to take a course at Langley!" She proudly adds that she was chosen 'cause of her exceptional academic record...and everyone gushes over the accomplishment. After that, Mr. Parker asks Mrs. Garrett to cater his wife's birthday party [why in blazes does this grown woman need a catered party every damn year??], and she offers to give him a tour of her new digs.

Natalie and the other Facts gals pore over Langley's course catalogue...and when Natalie asks for advice on what she should wear while on campus, Jo rolls her eyes and barks, "Clothes."

While hanging in the Langley student lounge, a vapid looking guy asks Natalie how she did on her Chekhov paper, and she proudly tells him she got an A. Boots St. Clair saunters into the lounge and taunts Blair for not living in a sorority house, then remarks on Natalie's double life as an Eastland student and pseudo college freshman. She says her story would make a great article for the college's newspaper, and a beaming Natalie says she likes the sound of that and offers to write the article. She mentions that she also has to write up the senior spoofs for the Eastland newspaper, then dishes to everyone all the embarrassing stuff she's written about Blair and Jo...like the time Blair got sprayed by a skunk (that must have happened off camera) and Jo thinking she was nun material, before she blew it by punching Blair in the face. LOL. Everyone in the student lounge starts laughing hysterically...except Jo and Blair, who are shooting Natalie extra squinty stink-eyes.   

"Then there was the time Blair got sassed by her rude boyfriend and avoided his calls while snuggling under a blanket with Jo."

"That explains a lot."

Natalie is too distracted to be of much help to anyone at Edna's Edibles...and after rudely ignoring several customers, she explains that she's too busy working on an assignment for Boots to function as a store employee. Tootie bitches at her for not completing the senior spoofs yet, and Natalie rolls her eyes and condescendingly calls it fluff. When Mrs. Garrett comes over to ask whassup with all the sniping, Tootie tattles on Natalie for not doing her fair share of the work. Blair and Jo arrive at that moment and complain about all the gossiping Natalie has been doing while holding court in the Langley student lounge...and a few minutes later, Boots makes an appearance, greets Natalie with phony air kisses, and announces to everyone that she's enlisted Natalie to help her move into a more spacious room in the sorority house. When Natalie rushes out of the room and reemerges with Boot's dry cleaning, Blair teases her for being Boot's lapdog...and Natalie snaps back that she's just jealous. Mrs. Garrett barks at her to drop the arrogant 'tude she developed just 'cause she was allowed to take one college course, and Natalie smugly retorts, "For now" and reminds everyone that she was specifically chosen for the advanced placement program because of her exceptional academic record and all-around awesomeness. She then reveals that she dropped in on the Langley admissions office and was told that if she takes a bunch of summer courses at Eastland and keeps her grades up, she can skip her senior year altogether and enter Langley in the fall. 

A frustrated Tootie has taken it upon herself to attempt a rewrite of Natalie's sub par senior spoofs, then complains to Mrs. Garrett, Blair, and Jo that she hasn't seen much of her supposed best friend these days. Jo and Blair wryly tell her it's prolly 'cause she's always hanging out on the Langley campus, gossiping about embarrassing stuff they've said and done in previous episodes. Mrs. Garrett shakes her head in dismay, then thanks them for covering Natalie's shifts at the store and hands out their pay checks. A few seconds later, Natalie arrives, decked out in her new Langley sweatshirt, and breezily apologizes for being late on account of she was having coffee with her new college pals. Tootie tells her they need to discuss the senior spoofs and how hard the spoof committee thought they sucked. Natalie snootily says they're clearly not sophisticated enough to get the jokes, then haughtily adds that she no longer has time for "kids' stuff". Boots drops by to show Natalie her article in the college paper, and Natalie is miffed when she realizes that the editor opted to not publish most of what she wrote about herself. She whines to Boots about the injustice of being inadequately lionized in The Daily Langlian - but Boots just shrugs disinterestedly, then bids everyone adieu in her usual over-the-top fashion.

"The spoof committee hated your spoofs."

"I'm far too haughty and insufferable this episode to be bothered with this kind of fluff."

Natalie is taken aback when she sees that her pay check is only $18, and a judgey looking Mrs. Garrett points out that she barely worked a shift during this pay period. Natalie says she's been busy, then asks for an advance on her salary 'cause she overspent at the Langley book store.

Mr. Parker drops by to inform Mrs. Garrett that Natalie has been cutting class...and that her grades at Eastland have gotten so shitty that Langley has rescinded its offer of early admission. Seems fickle and premature, but OK. He lectures a sheepish looking Natalie on how she needs to pay more attention on her Eastland classwork, then forbids her to ditch anymore classes. He begs Mrs. Garrett to pleeeeeeease consider returning to Eastland, but she declines and says she much prefers the Edna's Edibles set to the Eastland cafeteria.

Natalie tells Mrs. Garrett she has an idea of how she might weasel her way out of her academic dilemma...her idea being that Mrs. Garrett should write to Langley College and tell them how hard she's been working at the store amid various personal problems. Mrs. Garrett refuses to lie for her and lays down a little tough love when she tells her she's going to have to earn her spot at Langley through her own hard work. She also points out what an insufferable jerkwad she's been to the other Facts gals all episode...and Natalie glumly concurs and promises to apologize. She runs into Tootie a few seconds later and tells her she now realizes how important her friends are, then confesses that she just got booted out of the advanced placement program. Tootie laughs at the self-inflicted misfortune, then runs over to the store to gleefully blab about it to Jo and Blair...and Mrs. Garrett sits on the couch and chuckles at Natalie's comeuppance.

It is unfathomable that this show continued on for four more seasons.

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