The Facts of Life - Season 5, Episode 23

"I just figured we could have some good, clean, adulterous fun this episode."

"Seems Like Old Times"
Original airdate: 3/21/1984

Episode summary: Jo's ex-flame Eddie returns to Peekskill and harbors a deal-breaking secret.

---

Recap: As Mrs. Garrett excitedly bustles to and from the kitchen to lay out a delicious looking spread, a bemused Blair asks her why she’s going through all this trouble for an unworthy dumbfuck like Eddie. Mrs. Garrett tells her she's considering this a special occasion, on account of they haven't seen Eddie since the Teenage Marriage double-parter...and when the doorbell rings a few seconds later, she shrieks, "He's herrrrrrrrrre!" Easy there, Edna. Natalie answers the door as Jo races down the stairs in anticipation of Eddie's grand entrance - but the visitor turns out to be Kelly, who dropped by for no real reason [other than to get in some superfluous airtime before she gets canned by the producers soon after the filming of this episode]. When everyone groans with disappointment at Kelly's impromptu pop-in, Blair tells her they're awaiting the arrival of Eddie, and disdainfully describes him as "a high school dropout in a sailor suit". Bwahaha! Natalie chimes in to explain that Eddie is Jo’s ex-boyfriend with whom she nearly eloped in Season 2, and Kelly looks intrigued and tells Jo she didn’t realize she had such a juicy past. Jo grumbles something snappishly unintelligible and barks at Kelly to get lost...which she does, and is never seen on Facts of Life again. Hurray.

When there’s a knock at the door a few seconds later, Jo naturally assumes it’s Kelly again and starts muttering about what a pain in the ass she’s being, when - not unpredictably - a grinning Eddie and his distracting overbite are standing on the doorstep. Jo gives Eddie a hug hello, and then Tootie, Natalie, and Mrs. Garrett squeal excitedly as they rush over to greet him. Blair dryly asks him why he’s not decked out in his “little sailor suit” - LOL, I am loving her sass this episode - and he tells her it’s at the cleaner’s, then looks around and gushes about how much he loooooves the new Facts set. Mrs. Garrett promises to give him a tour of the store after they eat, then points at the spread she’s laid out on the dining table. Eddie pulls out a bottle of wine he brought along for the reunion and tells Mrs. Garrett he’s going to open the bottle so that the wine can breathe...and Blair examines it and is pleasantly surprised to see that it’s a French wine from a pretty good year, and also seems impressed that Eddie knows enough about wine to know that it needs to breathe before being served.

"I brought along a mature red wine, which we should probably let aerate for about thirty minutes."

"Is it just me, or do you seem to be far less of an uneducated bonehead than you were in Season 2?"

Eddie tells everyone he’s now based in Brooklyn...and that since he’s on leave from the Navy for a week, he figured it'd be fun to hang around Peekskill and work on rekindling his and Jo's romance. Jo says that’s fine with her, though she’ll still have to attend her classes - and Eddie perks up at that and says he’d be interested in sitting in on her classes so he can see what college life is like. Blair snorts derisively and sasses, “Why? You didn’t find high school interesting enough to stay”, and Eddie tells her that since his last appearance on Facts, he got his high school diploma and also earned a petty officer badge. As everyone gushes over his smarts and general awesomeness, Eddie jokes to Blair that his new and improved self is going to make it as difficult as possible for her to hate him...and then he and Jo canoodle on the couch and agree that his visit is going to be just like old times.

Natalie and Tootie gabble happily about Jo and Eddie being lovebirds...and Blair also gets in on that action and teases Jo about being a woman in love. Mrs. Garrett bursts into the room and shrieks about how shrieking de-lighted she is that Eddie is fixing a bunch of things around the store she’s let fall into disrepair.

A flower delivery arrives for Jo, and Blair reads aloud the accompanying lovey dovey note that Eddie penned. A blushing Jo heads over to where Eddie is fixing Mrs. Garrett's cuckoo clock and chides him for wasting money on expensive flowers - but then lets out a happy squeal when she sees that Eddie hid a socket wrench inside the bouquet as a bonus gift. Eddie tells her it’s been great spending time with her this week and that he’s soooooo happy she’s in his life...and after an intense-for-Facts smooch, he suggests they go out tonight for pizza and a movie.

Natalie reminds Tootie she still owes her $4, and Tootie promises to repay her whenever she gets change for her 10 dollar bill. Eddie overhears the contrived exchange and tells Tootie she’s welcome to rifle through his wallet to break up her 10...and she takes him up on the offer - but soon after opening his wallet, she looks aghast. When Mrs. Garrett exits the room, Tootie stares at Eddie with a crestfallen expression and asks him who the woman in the photo is, aka the one who's dressed in a wedding gown and standing next to him wearing a tux. He hangs his head in shame while admitting that, yep, he is indeed married - but that the marriage is pretty much toast, despite the two of them not being formally separated or divorced. Tootie shrieks in horror and asks him if Jo knows about this, and he says she doesn't...and when Tootie threatens to immediately tattle on him, he begs her not to and promises to break the news to Jo tonight over pizza. 

"Who's the woman in the photo wearing a wedding gown and standing next to you at the altar?"

"Would you believe: a lavishly dressed acquaintance whose church I once attended?"

A cheery Jo returns home early from her date and mentions to the Facts gals that Eddie had to head back to the city sooner than expected. Blair says she’s so impressed by Eddie 6.0 that she's officially giving Jo her blessing to hook up with this wonderful gentleman...and Tootie snarks, “Gentleman?!” and starts railing about what a deceitful bum he is. She clams up when Jo's all, "The fuck..?" ... but when Blair gets all in Tootie's face about why she suddenly hates Eddie, she blabs about Eddie's marital status, and that he clearly welched on his earlier promise to 'fess up about it to Jo tonight. Jo accuses her of lying, but Tootie points out that she has no reason to lie about something which has zero effect on her life one way or another. Blair reverses her favorable opinion of Eddie and declares him a loser, to which Jo yells, “Butt out!” and storms upstairs.

Jo is doing inventory in the store at 3am when Mrs. Garrett enters the room and asks her whassup with her doing inventory in the middle of the night. Jo tearfully tells her she just learned that Eddie is married...and that she learned this, not from Eddie, but rather the Tootie gossip mill. Mrs. Garrett stares at her in incredulity, says it’s mystifying that for an entire week Eddie didn’t say a word about having a wife, then rails, “How could Eddie dooooooooo something like that?!” Jo tells her that, according to Tootie, he's in a doomed marriage and admitted how dickish it was of him to keep the truth from her. She squeaks, “I love him”, but that she has no clue what to do about it...so Mrs. Garrett suggests that perhaps she loves 'Season 2 Eddie' - aka not this jerkwad - just as Eddie happens to walk by the store, see the light on, and knock on the front door.

"Turns out Eddie's married."

"I'm too aghast to start screeching incoherently."

Jo lets Eddie inside and shoots him the stink-eye, and he's like, “Damn...I guess Tootie told you.” He gives her a hangdog look for a few seconds, then tells her the story of his ill-fated marriage: he met his (American born) wife while he was stationed in Italy, proposed to her way too early in the relationship and then stupidly went through with the wedding...and as soon as they returned to the States, it dawned on him that his quickie bride wasn't right for him. Jo admonishes him for not telling her any of this when he first arrived in Peekskill, so he says he couldn’t bear to be rebuffed ‘cause of how much he loves her. Jo glares at him and calls him out on how shitty of him it is to expect her to love him back regardless of who it hurts, then reminds him that love should be about honesty and trust, neither which he's demonstrated this episode. Eddie promises to make it up to her and ask what he should do now, and she tells him to sort through the disaster that is his tattered marriage and maybe come to some kind of resolution with that before attempting to rekindle old flames. He mutters, “I’m sorry”, and she sadly retorts, “So am I.”

​I am too, 'cause what another dud of an episode to have to recap.

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---