Recap: Tootie tells everyone there's a blurb in the newspaper about a famous movie star, Heather Hunt, enrolling at Langley College. Tootie and Natalie squeal excitedly, Mrs. Garrett looks visibly starstruck...and Jo rolls her eyes in her usual 'I'm so streetwise and world weary' manner and says she can barely muster any enthusiasm about attending Heather Hunt's Welcome to Langley party, and considers it a pesky part of her responsibilities as a member of the board of regents. Natalie and Tootie beg her to pleeeeease get Heather's autograph for them...and when she snarlingly refuses, they tell her they'd settle for a photograph, used cigarette butt, or saliva sample. Jo grumbles that movie stars aren't that big of a deal 'cause it's the stunt doubles who do all the hard work, and Mrs. Garrett chides her indifference and giddily remarks that she could be in the presence of Hollywood royalty if Heather Hunt were to suddenly wander into Edna's Edibles. Jo mutters, "No big star is ever going to walk into this place" - just as Geri ambles in (bwahaha!) and announces that she just got a gig performing for the American Mime Association. Another organization that must be really hard up for live entertainment that has a strong emphasis on self-deprecating cerebral palsy jokes. When she hears everyone blathering about Heather Hunt, she pompously says that she and Heather go way back...specifically to the one time they both did Merv Griffin on the same day.
Blair arrives with Cliff in tow...and the two head straight over to the residence part of the building to hash something out. Cliff asks whaddup with her not talking to him all afternoon, so she explains that she didn't much care for the way he introduced her at a medical school lecture as his girlfriend 'cause she finds the girlfriend label "so third grade". Cliff scrunches his face confusedly and says that when she didn't immediately dump him after the strip club fiasco, he figured they were a couple. Incidentally, I wonder if he's still shaking his naughties at Wedgewoods. Blair makes a face and says she has no desire to feel tied down, and would like to sometimes attend parties solo, e.g. Heather Hunt's upcoming Welcome to Langley party. Cliff mulls that over and pretends he's A-OK with that - but only as long as when a guy asks her if she's spoken for, she's inclined to say yes.
Party time! Blair is holding court with a gaggle of male admirers when Boots St. Clair strides over in her weird, over-the-top, preppy manner to remark on Blair's popularity with the opposite gender. Cliff - uh oh - makes an appearance at the party, and Blair dully says, "This is a surprise" then pulls him aside to express her displeasure at him for showing up at a party she made it clear he wouldn't be welcome at. Cliff says he didn't think it'd be a big deal to drop by after his hospital shift, so Blair bitchily says she hopes it's clear to him that they're attending this party as two separate individuals.
Boots stands in the middle of the room to introduce their guest of honor, who's also been granted honorary membership in Gamma Gamma Gamma...and a few seconds later, a poofy-haired brunette with a phony megawatt smile bounds into the room and chirps, "Hi!" She makes a beeline over to Blair's male admirers and happily mingles with them until Jo lumbers over to welcome her to Langley on behalf of the board of regents...then gives her shit about not doing her own stunt work.
Heather sashays over to Cliff and presents him with the back of her hand as if she expects him to kiss it, but he just shakes it and politely says, "It's nice to meet you." Boots hovers over the two like a nosy stage mom, wonders aloud if "this is some enchanted evening..?", then wanders off. Cliff tells Heather he's in med school and just finished a shift at the hospital, and she's like, "That's nice, but let's re-shift this conversation to my fabulous acting career" and tells him she's just been cast as a surgeon who aspires to be a singer. Sounds like a contrived premise for a strictly-made-for-TV type production, but OK.
Jo informs Blair that Cliff is having a one-on-one with Heather, and Blair glances across the room at the two and looks visibly annoyed.
Tootie and Natalie pepper Blair with questions about what Heather Hunt looked like, wore, and acted like [let's see...a self-absorbed windbag], while Jo taunts her about all the flirty banter that was being exchanged between Cliff and Heather at the party. Blair says it's reasonable that Heather would flirt with a hottie like Cliff - but insists she's not at all insecure about it 'cause she knows how crazy he is about her despite her haughty 'don't ever refer to me as your girlfriend' edict.
Boots flounces into Edna's Edibles, along with Heather, who's decked out in a tacky fur coat that's draped around her shoulders. Tootie and Natalie are all, "Squeal!" and fawn over her, while Mrs. Garrett practically curtsies as she welcomes her to her humble food shop and asks her if she wouldn't mind posing for a few photographs. Heather indulges her, then orders a "home cooked meal" for two...and Boots "lets it slip" within earshot of Blair that Heather is planning to [faux] cook a romantic dinner for Cliff this evening. As an oblivious-to-the-drama-that's-about-to-unfold Mrs. Garrett steers Heather outside the shop for more celebrity photo opping, a vexed Blair stares contemplatively into space.
Blair is dusting the living room...and by dusting, I mean she's angrily slapping furniture with a towel. Jo correctly assumes she's doing this to keep her mind off of Cliff's dinner date with Heather and offers to treat her to dinner, but Blair says that while she continues to feel the electricity of the non-hetero sparks between them, she's putting a pin in that to lock things down with Cliff.
Geri returns to inform everyone that the mime gig went fine, and Jo tells her they have more pressing issues to discuss, e.g. Heather Hunt pursuing Blair's stripper boy toy. When Mrs. Garrett reminds Blair that she made it clear to Cliff that she prefers an open relationship, Blair sullenly retorts, "I didn't think that included movie stars." Mrs. Garrett's like, "OK...well, good luck with that", then heads off with Tootie and Natalie for a night out at the local Heather Hunt film festival. LOL. Jo eggs Blair on to convince her that she secretly wants to "punch Heather's lights out" and urges her to do everything possible to keep the floozy from moving in on her man. Blair mulls that over, decides, "Yep", and rushes out the door.
Heather and Cliff are sitting at her dining table, sipping wine while Heather prattles on and on about her fabulous movie star life. Boots drops by to bring some mood music for their date (which was weird)...and a few seconds later, Blair arrives with Edna's Edibles' home cooked food. Heather thanks her and asks her if she knows Cliff, and Blair snippily tells her it's time for a woman-to-woman chat - but before that chat can get underway, a photographer from US Magazine arrives for a photo shoot. Heather's all, "Yay! Publicity!" and explains to a bewildered Cliff that, in order to stay relevant in the 'biz, she promised the magazine she'd let them do a spread on her first week of college. She figured he wouldn't mind posing as her new main squeeze...unless he's dating Blair, in which case she'd just need to borrow him for a few hours. Cliff tells the photographer to keep him out of the shoot, so Boots tells the photographer she'd be happy to pose as 'Heather's best friend', then steers him up to the second floor. Heather raises both of her arms in the air, contorts her lips into an extra wide, phony megawatt smile [not sure exactly who at], and chirps, "Bye!" before disappearing up the stairwell.
Blair tells Cliff she's miffed he didn't tell Heather he was her boyfriend...and ignores the irony of her shunning the girlfriend label at the beginning of the episode. She admits she came here tonight 'cause she's afraid of losing him...and explains that she has a deeply-rooted fear of abandonment from when she was abandoned by her many stepfathers. Cliff says that life doesn't have to work out that way, and points out that his parents have been together for thirty-two years. He adds that while there's never a guarantee that a relationship between them will work out, a commitment is the equivalent of saying 'I love you enough to take the risk'. When Blair asks him what a commitment would mean for the two of them, he says it simply means he loves her...and she looks touched and returns his I love you while leaning in for a smooch.
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