The Facts of Life - Season 4, Episode 20

"I've decided that Natalie no longer needs a boyfriend. Goodbye, Gil."

"Who's On First?"
Original airdate: 3/30/1983

Episode summary: Tootie gets pissy when Natalie spends all of her free time with her new boyfriend, Gil. Jo enters the stock market, but is too nerve-wracked about the rising and falling of stock prices to give it much of a chance.

---

Recap: Blair is in the process of filling out her college applications...and when Mrs. Garrett reads over the essay portion of one of them, she's dismayed to learn that Blair considers Calvin Klein the person who's had the biggest influence on her life. She says it may not be what the admissions people are looking for, but Blair cockily says that since her last name is Warner, every college will be tripping over itself to accept her application (and her rich family's money) no matter how shallow she comes across in her essay. Jo enters the room and announces that she's entering the stock market 'cause she's been learning all about it in her economics class. She says she's managed to save up $30 to begin an investment portfolio, and Mrs. Garrett puts her solemn face on and urges her to be careful now that she's taken up gambling...and she says this as if investing in the stock market should be equated with playing craps in a Vegas casino. Jo ignores that dumb remark and says she could use some help choosing which stocks to buy...but when Blair offers to make a few suggestions, she snarkishly declines her expertise.

Natalie, her new fella Gil, and Tootie (who's been third-wheeling it with them all day) enter the cafeteria and gabble about how much fun they all had at the Bates game. Gil gets introduced to everyone, politely tells Mrs. Garrett he's heard good things about her cooking, then heads home. Once he's out of hearing range, Tootie and Natalie gush about how super awesome he is - but then Natalie scrunches her face concernedly and says he seems to go through a lot of girlfriends and worries that he's going to dump her like yesterday's news. She then shakes that off and excitedly tells Tootie that she and Gil have a date on Sunday...and that he called her ravishing when he asked her out. Squeal! She asks Tootie if it's OK that she cancels their Sunday plans so she can go out with Gil, and Tootie breezily says she's totes fine with that. For the moment, anyway.

"I'm totally fine with taking a backseat to your new boyfriend."

"Could I get that in writing?"

Tootie shows Mrs. Garrett and Blair the giant bowl of popcorn she made for herself and Natalie to munch on while they get caught up on their busy lives. Mrs. Garrett remarks on how much Natalie and Gil have been seeing of each other lately - just as Jo bursts into the room to announce that she's taken the Wall Street plunge and invested her $30 in a compact limo company. She's currently the happy owner of one share. Apparently, Blair recommended it as a sure winner...though it's really too bad she didn't know to recommend Apple stock back in the '80s. Natalie breezes in and tells Tootie she can only stay a few seconds 'cause she has to return Gil's shirt, then help him write his essay. Tootie poutishly shows her the giant bowl of popcorn she made for the two of them to eat while they hang out...so Natalie grabs a handful of popcorn, scarfs it down, and hightails it out of there. Tootie angrily dumps the popcorn in the trash can and starts railing to Mrs. Garrett about how this is now the fourth time Natalie has cancelled their plans to be with Gil. When it's clear how minuscule a shit Mrs. Garrett gives about any of this, Blair explains, "She's a woman in love. No one else exists" ... but then Jo chimes in and agrees that it's a lousy way to treat a friend.

Natalie is gushing to Blair about Gil's awesomeness when Tootie bursts in and tells Natalie she loooooves the new Lionel Ritchie song - LOL - and Natalie's like, "That's nice", then turns her attention back to Blair and waxes on about how hard Gil makes her laugh. When Tootie tries to join the conversation, Natalie condescendingly tells her she can't possibly relate to all this love talk 'cause she's never been in love herself. Tootie asks her to describe what it's like, and Natalie dreamily says that Gil thinks about her all the time...then turns to Blair again and adds that he even dreams about her. As the two giggle, Jo enters the room and happily announces that her stock just went up by a quarter point, and thanks Blair for recommending it and calls her a genius. Natalie says that she and Gil are going out to eat and then do some studying...and after she heads upstairs to change, the pay phone rings. Tootie answers it, and it's Gil who asks her to please tell Natalie to meet him at the bookstore at 6:30pm. When Natalie comes back downstairs a few seconds later, Tootie fibs and tells her that Gil just called to cancel their dinner/study plans. Natalie's like, "What? Oh nooo!!" and says she should probably call him to see whassup - but Tootie advises against that and says she got the feeling he was with a girl when he called 'cause she could hear high-pitched giggling in the background. Natalie stares despondently into space as Tootie perks up and points out that since she's suddenly free for the evening, they can go to a movie and have some BFF-only fun! Natalie nods and sadly says, "Yeah, OK" and solemnly tells her she's a real friend...and Tootie stares sheepishly into the distance for a few seconds, but then perks right up again and chirps, "You can always count on me!" For shame, Tootie! For shame.

"I get the feeling that Gil's been stepping out on you."

"Damn. I knew this storyline was too good to be true."

As Natalie sits in the cafeteria, continuing to stare despondently into space, Gil bursts in and demands to know why she just stood him up. She's all, "Wuh?" and tells him she's been here the whole time, moping, and he's like, "Wuh?" and says he's been waiting for her at the bookstore, where he told Tootie to tell her to meet him. Tootie enters the room at that moment, is all, "Ack!" when she sees Gil and Natalie talking and tries to sneakily tiptoe past them, but Natalie quickly puts two and two together and screeches, "Toooootie!" and chases after her.   

Tootie flees to Mrs. Garrett's room and is helping her fold sheets when Natalie storms in. She tattles to Mrs. Garrett about Tootie lying to her about Gil's phone message and snaps, "There's a liar living under this roof!" When Tootie haughtily tells her she got what she deserved, Natalie tells her she needs to get out and mingle with other girls, since it's obvious she's way too dependent on her. She then tries to get Mrs. Garrett interested in chastising Tootie further, but Mrs. Garrett refuses to take sides and admonishes them both: Tootie for lying 'cause lying a terrible thing, and Natalie for shoving Tootie aside so she can hang out with Gil. Natalie doesn't take kindly to the criticism and tells her to mind her own bidness.

Blair is reading the business section of the newspaper when she notices that the compact limo company she recommended Jo invest in has gone down in value. She thinks back to the face punching she got in the Best Sister episode, then goes, "Ack! I can't let Jo see this!" - and naturally Jo enters the room at that exact moment and demands to see the paper. She checks out the stock market page and wails, "I'm ruined!", then advances on Blair and chases her out of the room. Natalie, meanwhile, enters the cafeteria and is so overcome with emotion she's unable to spit out what's bothering her. She says she needs to talk it out with Tootie, but Mrs. Garrett tells her she's out mingling with other girls to expand her BFF horizons. Natalie rails about how she's never here when she needs her, and Mrs. Garrett sternly reminds her that she was the one who told Tootie to make other friends, on account of how needy and clingy she was getting. Natalie scrunches her face confusedly and goes, "I did? What a creep.." Blair races back into the room with Jo in close pursuit...but Jo suddenly backs off and tells her she's decided to refrain from punching her in the face again, then announces that she's pulling her money out of the stock market - all $30 of it. After a day and a half, she's decided she's too nerve-wracked by stocks raising and falling in value and can't take the pressure, so she's going into real estate...and by going into real estate she means she's going to purchase a parking spot for her motorbike. Sounds like someone didn't learn a helluva lot in her economics class about the stock market.

"I oughta pop you one in the face."

"The writers already fished that lake dry a couple of episodes ago."

Tootie bursts into the cafeteria with two girls, giggling about all the madcap fun they're having. Natalie sighs loudly while looking as depressed as possible, and Tootie looks over at her sympathetically and tells her friends she's going to stay in and study...and then she and Natalie head over to the lounge for a private one-on-one. Natalie moans about how her world is coming to an end 'cause she just saw Gil talking to another girl - and Tootie's like, "That's it?!" and asks if she asked him about him about it, and Natalie says she didn't want to pry. Tootie says it probably doesn't mean anything, then throws her a bone by telling her it's obvious that Gil is crazy about her. She then apologizes for lying to her earlier and says she feels awful about it, and Natalie admits that she hasn't been making time for her lately while at the same time expecting her to be available when it's convenient for her. Tootie concurs, but then digresses so the two of them can agree that friendships take time and effort. She urges Natalie to call Gil and get everything sorted out, and Natalie likes the sound of that and heads over to the pay phone and dials his number.

And this is where the episode abruptly ends, so we never actually find out for sure if he's stepping out on her or not.

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---