Dynasty - Season 5, Episode 29

Soak it up, ladies

"Royal Wedding"
Original airdate: 5/15/1985

Episode summary: Sammy Jo tries to make Rita more Krystle-like. Fallon continues to wander aimlessly around Los Angeles. The royal wedding in Moldavia is interrupted by a terrorist attack.

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Recap: Alexis tells a despondent Amanda that she can't cancel the wedding at this late date 'cause everything's all arranged for the ceremony and it'd be too embarrassing for the royal family. When Amanda poutishly whines that she doesn't want to marry a man she can't trust, Alexis says it's unlikely that Prince Michael is having an affair with Elena...but even if he were, she'd be a total moron to squander the chance to live a life of luxurious royal leisure 'cause of one measly indiscretion. A manservant pops into the suite to remind the two that they're expected to attend tonight's meet n' greet reception to mingle with the newly-arrived American guests. Once he's out of earshot, Amanda tells Alexis she wants no part of this farce and intends to break off the engagement. A dismayed Alexis implores her to at least break the news diplomatically...and until that time she'll just tell everyone she suddenly came down with the flu.

Upon arrival in Moldavia, Krystle laments to Blake how bummed she is about how the will reading went and how pissed off Sammy Jo now is at her. She says she worries that the skanklet is going to do something desperate - but Blake urges her to not worry so much and allow it to spoil her enjoyment of the wedding. 

Sammy Jo plays a message that Krystle recently left on her answering machine and asks Rita if she thinks she'd be able to make her voice sound the way it would if she weren't speaking with a contrived southern accent. Rita pretends to mull that over and says, "Sure, if I practice" and a delighted Sammy Jo says she'd appreciate her doing exactly that.

"Do you think you could make your voice sound more Krystle-like?"

"I'm pretty sure I could pull that off."

At the royal reception, King Galen is introduced to Blake and Krystle and engages in pleasant chit-chat with the two, while Jeff bugs Lady Ashley to give him an answer to his marriage proposal. Claudia encounters Steven and Luke and the three have an awkward interaction...and then Claudia is whisked away by Dominique, who tells her she looked like she needed rescuing. Elena tries to talk to Prince Michael, but he tells her to get lost and orders his security guard to keep her far away from him.

Blake asks Alexis why Amanda isn't at the reception and doesn't buy that she has the flu. Alexis concedes that maybe he can do something to help and fills him in on the situation, which prompts Blake to immediately rush over to Amanda's suite to harshly ask whaddup with her being so stubborn, unreasonable, and childish. Amanda whines that it was humiliating seeing Prince Michael with naked Elena in his room and is soooooo confused about what she should do next. Blake advises her to think through the situation carefully, then make a decision and stick to it. He adds that if she ultimately does decide to call off the wedding, he'll stand by her.

The next morning, Blake confronts Prince Michael about his alleged dalliance with Elena, and Michael says that despite his reputation as a playboy, he loves Amanda and has never been unfaithful to her...and that Elena manipulated the situation to make it look as if they were about to hit the sheets. Blake takes his word for it and later relays this to Amanda...and she thinks it over and decides she'll believe Michael's claim of innocence.

Jeff, Adam, Steven, and Luke are playing volleyball while Lady Ashley watches and enjoys a glass of lemonade. When Dominique saunters over and asks her why she seems so morose, Ashley tells her that Jeff proposed and that she's pretty sure it's just the fantasy of a young man who, for some reason, likes the idea of legally binding himself to an older woman he used to crush on when he was eighteen years old.

Alexis tells Galen she's very upset about Amanda's wedding angst and that she can't get Elena to do anything to help remedy the situation. Galen says he's loathe to interfere and would rather the kids resolve their own relationship issues, then changes the subject to the two of them hooking up after the wedding. He says he'd loooove it if she stayed in Moldavia and became his queen - but she's like, "Meh" and tells him she has an empire and a husband to look after. Galen snorts derisively and urges her to consider sharing her life with him...and as she mulls that over, Dex appears in the doorway. When he witnesses what looks suspiciously like the Alexis and Galen in the act of romantically canoodling, he storms away angrily.

Dex is guzzling booze when Alexis returns to their suite. He rails at her for carrying on with Galen, then grabs her and whirls her around to forcibly face him before growling, "How far has this gone?!" Alexis snappishly retorts, "As far as your thing with Amanda went!" Dex is all, "I'm outa here" and says he's catching the next available plane out of Moldavia...and as he storms out of the suite, Alexis shrieks, "Dexxxxxx!! Don't you walk out on me, you bastard!"

The next morning, Alexis summons Elena and demands to know the truth about her and Prince Michael, and Elena cheekily tells her "the truth" is that she and Michael have known each other since they were children and that he'll always love her. King Galen enters the room, shoots Elena a disapproving glare, and tells her that her father stands to lose a lot of money with the ColbyCo oil deal if Michael's wedding to Amanda falls through. He orders Elena to 'fess up to Amanda and tell her the truth, and she looks suitably contrite and agrees to have that awkward conversation.

Elena heads straight over to Amanda's suite to clear up the misunderstanding she deliberately caused when she sneakily stripped naked in in front of Michael. She admits that Michael didn't actually invite her to his room, and that she sought to convince him - by baring her naughties - that he should break his engagement and revert to his original decision to make her his bride. He was in the process of rebuffing her when she (Amanda) happened to walk in on them. Elena implores Amanda to say that she believes her, and Amanda says she does, then asks her if she (Elena) thinks that she (Amanda) is the right wife for Prince Michael. Elena's like, "Fuck no" and tells Amanda she definite does not have what it takes to makes it as a Moldavian princess. 

"I lied about doinking Michael, but continue to believe you'd make a shitty princess."

"I think I prefer it when you lie to me."

Claudia admonishes Adam for avoiding her 'cause he's such a scaredy cat for running afoul of Blake. When he weakly denies doing any such thing, she orders him to start acting like he gives a rat's ass about their relationship - otherwise she'll dump him like yesterday's news.  

Steven notices Claudia and Adam talking...and when Luke sees the wistful look on Steven's face, he says their relationship doesn't stand a chance if he can't put Claudia out of his mind. Steven mumbles about complicated it all is, blah blah...then decides 'ah fuck it' and tells Luke that once they return to the States, he and Danny will be moving in with him [in his tiny apartment??]. Luke perks up at that, and the two press against each other for a stiff looking man-hug.

Blake sees Adam kissing Claudia and scrunches his wrinkly face concernedly at the brazen PDA.

Dex runs into Amanda and tells her he's about to flee "the mixed up world" he suddenly finds himself in. She implores him to stay, then clutches his arm in a weird show of desperation - but he tells her to get lost and shoves her away from him. Prince Michael storms into the room at that exact moment and takes a swing at Dex, but Dex ducks and swiftly knocks Michael down with a sharp blow to the chest...and then the two idiots start wrestling around on the floor until Amanda yells at them to stop. She tells Dex she's reverted to her previous sentiment of being in love with Michael and orders him to leave...and after an exasperated Dex stomps off, Michael asks Amanda if there really is going to be a wedding. She blushingly says yes, and the two start smooching in earnest.

"Keep your fists away from my pretty boy."

"I am so outa here."

Dex comes upon Yuri and a cadre of shady looking men unloading weapons concealed in wooden wine boxes and demands to know what's going on here. Yuri responds by knocking him out, then orders one of the shady men to tell Dex's driver that he was taken to the airport so that no one starts looking for him. The men cackle gleefully and vow that nothing will ruin tomorrow's carnage causing plot.

Blake chastises Adam for defying him and publicly canoodling with Claudia. He orders him to stop seeing her - otherwise he's going to force him to do something very dickish they're both going to regret. Adam's like, "Noooooo, daddy" and promises to immediately get in line and do whatever he decrees. 

Adam fibs to Claudia when he tells her he bitchily declared to Blake that he'd never give her up. He breathily adds that one day soon he's going to have Denver Carrington and her. 
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As Alexis and Amanda get fussed over with manis/pedis/hair brushing, Alexis gives Amanda tips on how to walk down the aisle and hold her bouquet. 

Jeff asks Lady Ashley if she has an answer to his proposal, and she says she does in fact have an answer: right after the wedding she's jetting back to Paris 'cause she's wary of marrying a guy who's still in love with his dead?/missing? ex-wife-turned-fiancee. Jeff stares sadly into space - but admits that, yeah, he still thinks about Fallon a lot.

Recast Fallon returns to the Los Angeles police precinct to ask the detective she spoke to previously if he happened to come across any missing bulletins for a young, fuzzy haired brunette, and he says no and that it doesn't look like anyone's searching for her. When he asks her what she's living on these days, she says she found money in her purse and pawned the jewelry she was wearing. And because she no longer wants to go by hey you, she gave herself a name: Randall Adams. She tells the detective she's also considering getting on a plane and going wherever the spirit moves her - somewhere that has mountains, for example. Hmm..

"I'm just walking the earth aimlessly, hoping to hell that someone will recognize me."

"Good luck with that."

Sammy Jo gives Rita a makeover, then asks her to put on a blonde wig she bought after hitting every wig shop in town to find one that has Krystle's trademark side hair wings. Rita puts on the wig and says she really likes the new blonde her...and somehow doesn't seem to recall that she came face-to-face with her blonde twin Krystle, the very person Sammy Jo is trying to morph her into, three mere episodes ago. Sammy Jo is delighted by how startlingly similar she now looks to Krystle and says it's time she taught her uppity aunt a lesson.

Back in Moldavia, Dex is in a shack, tied up to a chair. When Yuri enters the shack, Dex asks what he's after, and Yuri smugly replies, "Destiny." Dex struggles against the ropes that bind him and shrieks, "Don't hurt Amandaaaaaaaaa!"

Amanda, meanwhile, is decked out in her royal wedding gown, posing with Alexis in front of Lady Ashley for a pre-ceremony photo shoot.

​With everyone gathered in the chapel, Blake walks Amanda down the aisle...and as that's happening, rebels infiltrate the estate and easily incapacitate the army of bumbling red uniformed royal guards. Over in the shack, Dex struggles against the ropes and eventually manages to free himself. He bursts out of the shack and races in the direction of the chapel.

Prince Michael and Amanda exchange marriage vows...and a few seconds after the two are pronounced husband and wife, the rebels crash through the windows and doors and open fire with their machine guns. The guests are all, "The fuuuuuuuuuuuck???!!" before the menfolk heroically leap atop their loved ones to act as human barriers against the relentless spray of bullets. Yuri shoots King Galen at close range - just as Dex flies into the chapel and tackles him to the ground.

In the next scene, the gunfire has ceased...and amid an eerie silence, the wedding guests lay motionless on the floor, dead or playing dead [spoiler: mostly playing dead], while the rebels survey the slaughter.

"I do. Do you?"

"I guess I do."

"I get the feeling we're pointing our guns in the wrong direction."

Nope, doesn't look survivable

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