Recap: Heidi enters the living room and tells Lauren she slept in her room last night after getting into a fight with Spencer 'cause she declined his offer to move in with him. Lauren agrees that it's much too soon for them to be moving in together, reminds her that at the start of their unholy coupling she declared she wouldn't be willing to move in together until they'd dated at least two years, and asks if she really wants to change what she believes in just 'cause a Chucky doll lookalike is trying to manipulate her into doing what he wants her to do. She then throws in the towel on the friendship and urges Heidi to do whatever she wants and to not use her as an excuse to continue being her roommate [in name only] by pointing out, "You don't even live with me. I live with your stuff."
Whitney arrives at Teen Vogue headquarters in New York and is greeted by Emily, who escorts her to Amy Astley's office for her job interview.
At Bolthouse Productions, Elodie tells Heidi what a douchecanoe Spencer is for relentlessly pressuring her to move in with him, not least 'cause of all the dickishness he's pulled on her this season...and adds that it's a mystery why in the fuckity fuck she's still with the moron man-child. Heidi says she's pretty sure that technically they're broken up right now...and that while most of her wants to move in with him, the tiny sensible part of her can't help wondering what the rush is. Kristen tells her she's lived with almost every boyfriend she's ever had and that it's not always a good thing. This prompts Heidi to wonder aloud how she'll ever know if it's a good/bad decision if she doesn't take a leap of faith, but Elodie and Kristen just shake their heads and make it clear what a horrible idea they both think it is.
Amy Astley tells Whitney they're looking to staff the magazine with special people who somehow can predict what's happening in the L.A. fashion scene before it happens. After that, she asks Whitney to name some of her favorite photographers and designers, and Whitney rattles off a list of names, then gushes that she looooooves fashion so much she totes wants to make a career of it.
Spencer calls Heidi at Bolthouse to tell her he has a surprise for her, then texts her an address he wants her to meet him at. As she rushes out, Elodie and Kristen roll their eyes and shake their heads at each other in dismay.
Spencer is sitting on the front steps of an apartment building when Heidi pulls up in her Audi convertible. The two hug hello before he steers her inside to show her a vacant apartment he just rented so the two of them can shack up together. Heidi reminds him he rudely kicked her out of his car at the end of the previous episode, and he explains that he's been soooooo frustrated about her continual refusal to make the decision he wants her to make. He then gives her the grand tour of the apartment, including the balcony that offers an impressive view of all their favorite Hollywood haunts. Heidi asks him if he's absolutely sure he's ready to settle down and be a serious boyfriend (e.g. there can be no more playmates), and Spencer nods and says, "Deal." Heidi mulls that over for a few seconds before saying, "Let's do it. Let's move in", and the two hug happily.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas to report to Lauren that she's decided to give in to the mounting pressure Spencer's been putting on her to move in with him, and an unfazed Lauren's all, "OK, whatevs. Let me know when you're leaving so I can find a new roommate." Heidi excitedly tells her about the beautiful new digs Spencer got for them, and Lauren smirkingly retorts, "What could go wrong?" and half-heartedly congratulates her before heading off to Teen Vogue.
Over at Casa Dipshit, Brody teases Spencer about his near married status - but Spencer's all 'whoa' and points out that marriage entails buying a ring, which he's definitely not doing [until Season 3]. He says his main goal is to break up the Heidi/Lauren Roommate Bond 'cause of what a horse's ass Lauren [understandably] thinks he is...and when Brody asks if this means he won't be partying with the guys anymore, Spencer chuckles about having a 'homeboy phone' separate from his 'girlfriend phone' so he can continue to hit the clubs hassle-free. He mumblingly pronounces in that weird way he talks without moving his lips, "I was born to play, dawg, that's what I do" - OMFG - and Brody chortles at Playboy Spence and predicts that his wild-oat-sowing playboy ways are going to push him outa his new love nest soooo fast.
Lauren phones Whitney in New York to tell her that Heidi is moving in with Spencer. Whitney's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says they'll have to discuss the matter in greater detail once she returns to L.A. tomorrow morning.
Lauren returns home to find Heidi packing up her stuff. When Heidi announces she's moving out today, a startled Lauren's all, "Wuh? Today?" ... and Heidi's all, "Um, d'yuh" and says she really wants to put in the effort to maintain their friendship by getting together a lot, e.g. tacos every Tuesday. Lauren just kind of shrugs and points out that she's pretty much been MIA from their friendship this entire season, to which Heidi says she doesn't want this to be the end for them. Lauren replies, "It might be though, Heidi" and says it's nice she's going to live with someone she loves...but since he's such a ginormous fucktwat, she really shouldn't expect to be able to have both of them in her life.
After Spencer finishes loading Heidi's stuff into the moving truck, Lauren tells Heidi she can always come back from the dark side if things don't work out. The two then hug and exchange I love yous before Heidi climbs into the passenger seat of the truck. Spencer remarks on her serious aura and assures her she won't regret this decision...and a glum Heidi mutely gazes at Lauren via the rearview mirror as the truck slowly pulls away from Hillside Villas.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi tells Elodie she's thrown all good sense to the wind and moved in with Spencer. Elodie stares at her incredulously before exclaiming, "After all of my grown up advice to you?!" Heidi happily gabbles that she's cooking dinner for her beloved tonight...after she buys some pots, pans, and dishware. Elodie ambles back to her workstation, shaking her head in utter disbelief.
Lauren returns home to celebrate the arrival of her new roommate - Audrina! - with pizza and a bottle of exploding champagne.
Over at Casa Dumbfuck, Spencer tells Heidi he's still a bit irked that it took her so long to agree to move in with him...and Heidi tells him he should be grateful she did, given that she disregarded her policy of implementing a two year waiting period before cohabitation. She warns, "Don't make me regret this", and he just stares back at her blankly...and as the camera pans out, Heidi stares vacantly into space as a bored looking Spencer starts fiddling with his cell phone.
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Recap: Lisa Love announces to Lauren and Whitney that their next assignment will be to work amid Vogue editor-at-large André Leon Talley who's coming to town - hurray! - to commentate on famous Oscar gowns during a live Good Morning America segment...and adds that Emily Super Intern will be putting in another guest appearance to model one of the gowns. After the meeting wraps up, Whitney stays behind to remind Lisa that she'll be graduating from UCLA soon and wanted to ask "in what realm" of Teen Vogue she might possibly become a paid employee. Lisa informs her that there's a vacancy for Fashion Contributor for which she, along with various other interns (e.g. Emily), has the requisite credentials and closet office experience.
Whitney tells Lauren about the job opportunity and says she really really wants to prove herself worthy by doing a superb job at the upcoming Good Morning America shoot.
Over dinner at Don Antonio's, Spencer tells Heidi he finds it ironic that he found himself toasting Lauren during her surprise birthday party...then adds that Lauren probably hated the toast - which is all part of his devious plan 'cause he intended it to come across as mean. Heidi breezily chides her man-child of a boyfriend's dickitude before the conversation once again shifts to the subject of them moving in together. She warns that there can never be another playmate incident, to which Spencer insists he loves her sooooo much more now than when he canoodled with the bosomy blondes during the Who Do You Trust? episode. When Heidi looks visibly skeptical, he stares back at her incredulously and snappishly asks, "You don't trust me?", and Heidi responds by literally throwing her hands in the air and muttering, "I don't even know what to say to that." [Suggested response: "Mmm, nope."]
Good Morning America! Lawren Howell - ack! - is lecturing Whitney and Lauren in her usual bitchy manner about how they're to eliminate as much chaos as possible during the preparation of the segment. Emily arrives, warmly greets Lauren and Whitney, and the three gush about being in the presence of so many stunning Oscar gowns. After that, Lisa Love arrives with André Leon Talley, who squeals with delight during the fittings and rehearsal. He mistakenly assumes that Whitney is one of the models...and when he's told that she's a Teen Vogue intern, he scrunches his face perplexedly, tells her she missed her calling, and suggests she try on the backless Guy Laroche gown made famous by Hilary Swank in 2005. When Whitney emerges looking model thin and TV-ready, he decrees that she is to be included in the live segment. Emily, meanwhile, looks less than thrilled by Talley's gushy complimenting of Whitney as a natural runway beauty, and by the prospect of having to share the spotlight with a fellow intern.
As André Leon Talley starts commentating on each of the Oscar gowns chosen for the segment, the four models descend a giant staircase...and Whitney suddenly topples over to the side, but swiftly pops back up weeble-like and manages to regain her composure. During the commercial break, Talley tells a red-faced Whitney not to worry about taking a spill on live TV, and jokingly adds that it's a great way to kickstart her modelling career. As she tears up in embarrassment, Lauren rushes over and gives her a reassuring hug, tells her she looked gorgeous in the Hilary Swank-wear, and insists that her brief moment of toppling over wasn't really all that bad...and should have added that anyone who happened to catch it on TV will likely forget about it within the next ten minutes.
The next day at Teen Vogue, Lisa tells Whitney she did a great job modelling, and that her tripping mishap was embraced as more of an endearing moment than a cringy embarrassment. She passes along the notes of encouragement sent by Amy Astley and Anna Wintour, who applauded her ability to recover quickly and maintain her dignity. Whitney breathes a sigh of relief and says she's just happy she didn't embarrass the magazine - before Lisa changes the subject to the vacant position of Fashion Contributor. She says the interview will take place in Amy Astley's New York office, and that she (Lisa) will be giving her a strong recommendation.
Later, Lauren and Whitney meet up with Audrina at Lulu's Café to rehash Whitney's fall and then gabble about her (hopefully) new role as Teen Vogue Fashion Contributor, which apparently will be tasked with supervising all the interns. Lauren tells Whitney she hopes she gets the job, 'cause if Emily's her new boss, she'll have no choice but to quit Teen Vogue in protest.
Spencer summons Heidi to meet him for another of their in-car tête-à-têtes. He irritably reminds her about their unresolved living situation, and complains about being soooo over her not being as ready as he is for them to move in together. Heidi points out that it's a big decision and that she has to carefully consider how this move will affect all aspects of her life...then ultimately tells him her answer is no. Spencer stares despondently into space for a few seconds before replying, "Sweet. My answer is 'get outa my car'", and Heidi hastily exits the car, slams the passenger door, and glares after the rude douchewad as he squeals off.
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Recap: Heidi breaks it to Lauren that Spencer invited her to move in with him, and Lauren's like, "Yeah, Lo told me" and says she's surprised/disappointed/dismayed that she'd tell Lo before her. Heidi calls the invitation a sweet offer, while Lauren contorts her face into a seriously? expression and says that even talking about moving in together after dating for only a few months is waaaaaay too soon. Heidi stubbornly insists, "No...it's sweet", prompting Lauren to ask her if she's going to do it...and Heidi says that, for the moment at least, she's decided to stay put at Hillside Villas. Lauren lets out a sigh of relief and jokes about how finding a good roommate is like a good pair of jeans: you hang onto 'em.
Heidi heads over to Audrina's apartment to finalize the details for Lauren's surprise birthday party. Heidi tells her that Lauren thinks the two of them are celebrating her birthday by having dinner together - before which Heidi will bail out on her at the last minute. Audrina chuckles and remarks on how mad at her Lauren's going to be...and somehow refrains from asking Heidi if her friendship with Lauren isn't on too shaky a ground to be pulling a stunt like this. Audrina's plan is to swoop in and offer to take Lauren out for drinks with her friends, then drive her to a nightclub named Hyde, aka where the extended The Hills cast and random extras will be waiting to yell surprise!!
Over in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren gabs at Whitney about her 21st birthday and how her dinner plans with Heidi are far more understated than what she once envisioned for this milestone.
From her Bolthouse workspace, Heidi calls Spencer and tells him to be sure to invite Brody to Lauren's surprise birthday party - just as Jen Bunney drops by for an awkward tête-à-tête. Heidi steers her over to the lobby so they can have more of a private conversation, which she prefaces by saying she can't really talk 'cause she's soooo busy at her pretend place of employment. Jen whines that she hasn't talked to her in soooo long, and that it's craaaaazy to not have talked to her best friend because of "sloppy thirds". Heidi points out "it's code" that you don't hook up with a friend's past hook-ups - or, in this case, non-hook-up - and Jen somehow refrains from calling out Heidi on how she so brazenly egged her on to canoodle with Brody during the entire With Friends Like These.. episode. Heidi says she's washing her hands of the mess, which she decrees is now solely between her and Lauren...then mutters, "Busy, busy" as a way of ending this torturous discussion and pretending she so desperately needs to hurry back to her faux job.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas and tells Lauren that Jen Bunney showed up at Bolthouse, then spins quite a tall tale about how she chided Jen for her inappropriateness at showing up at her workplace to discuss an issue of which she's self-servingly washed her hands clean. Lauren seems to buy her load of bullcack and says she just wants space from Jen, and/or for Jen to 'fess up to having acted shady two episodes ago.
Later, as Lauren and Heidi are primping to go out for dinner, Heidi gets a fake call from Spencer and exclaims, "Right now? Seriously?" A few seconds later she tells Lauren she has to go see Spencer asap...and Lauren shoots her a 'the fuck?' look, reminds her it's her birthday, and beseeches her to not dump her for Spencer. Heidi's like, "No can do" and slips out of the apartment so she can covertly call Audrina to announce that Operation Surprise Lauren on Her Birthday is in motion - just before Lauren calls Audrina to complain about Heidi abandoning her on her birthday. Audrina pretends to know nothing of her plight and offers to take her out for drinks.
En route to Hyde, Lauren complains to Audrina about Heidi skipping her birthday dinner to attend to whatever "emergency" Spencer called about...and in the next scene the entire gang yells, "Surprise!!" when Audrina ushers her into the nightclub. Lauren looks genuinely surprised and gives everyone a hello hug before summoning Brody over. He asks her if Jen is expected to arrive...and when Lauren says they're no longer friends, he sheepishly apologizes for his part in the shady canoodling. Lauren assures him, "That was not you at all, that was Jen" ... despite the fact that anyone could argue it was at least 50% him. Spencer then offers up a nonsensical birthday toast about how he and Lauren don't see eye to eye...but figures she's an amazing person by virtue of the fact that she and Heidi see eye to eye.
Over lunch at Cuvee, Lauren asks Brody whassup with Spencer's rambley birthday toast instead of just saying 'happy birthday' ... and Brody chuckles at his friend's social ineptitude and swiftly changes the subject to Jen Bunney. He tells Lauren he heard through the L.A. rumor mill that a lot of people don't like her, and Lauren concurs and says that Jen has a tendency to make moves on her friends' boyfriends. Case in point: in high school, Jen kissed Jason after Lauren had declared her feelings for him. Egads!
Jen arrives at Hillside Villas to rehash her non-hook-up with Brody, and to once again express how "blown out of proportion" the whole thing has gotten. Lauren mulls that over and disagrees, pointing out that she's able to downplay it so much 'cause it didn't happen to her. She admonishes Jen for doing a shady thing behind her back with the first guy she wasn't totally repulsed by after giving Jason the heave-ho, then reminds Jen about her shitty track record in ruining friendships over guys. When she invokes The Jason-Kissing Incident, an incredulous Jen insists that that was a joke, urges Lauren to "don't even go there", and apologizes for lying about whatever didn't actually happen between her and Brody. Lauren says she has every reason not to believe a word she says, is learning who her true friends are, and flatly says that right now there's nothing she can say or do that could possibly restore her trust. At that point, Jen decides to throw in the towel on the reconciliation attempt and ambles toward the door mumbling, "I'll let you call me when you're ready" before dejectedly shuffling out of the apartment.
Farewell, Jen Bunney. We hardly knew ye.
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Recap: While out clothes shopping, Lauren tells Audrina she's inviting three of her old Laguna gal pals to join them at Area on New Year's Eve...and that their purpose for being there is to fill the friend void left by Heidi, who she correctly assumes would prefer to celebrate the occasion with her pumpkin-headed ball and chain. In the next scene, Lauren and Audrina are at a baseball game cheering on Whitney...and after the game, the three gabble about how much they're looking forward to getting Happy New Year kisses from cute boys.
While out shopping for New Year's outfits, Heidi tells Spencer the plan for the evening: the two of them will go out to dinner together, then head over to Area to meet up with Lauren et. al. Spencer makes a blech face and says he has zero desire to hang with Lauren and her posse, so Heidi tells him she's determined to make more of an effort to spend time with her soon-to-be ex-bestie and figured that New Year's Eve would be the perfect opportunity. A reluctant Spencer capitulates, then suggests she move out of Hillside Villas asap so the two of them can shack up together. Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says that while she'd love to, she made a commitment to play the role of Lauren's BFF/roommate/sidekick for as long as the MTV producers are willing to pay her. Spencer rolls his eyes and says that her current living situation is adversely affecting their relationship...then points out that her BFF role no longer makes sense, given that Lauren now spends most of her leisure time with Audrina.
Lauren, Audrina, and Heidi are at a swanky salon, getting their hair done for New Year's Eve. Lauren mentions that she's bringing a hottie from Colorado to the party...and when Heidi's all, "Say wuh? You met a new guy?", Lauren snidely retorts that she'd know that if she ever separated herself from Spencer long enough to spend an evening hanging with her. She then abruptly changes the subject and says that she and Audrina have decided to take kick-boxing classes together...and as Heidi puts her sad face on at being excluded from the aerobic bonding, Lauren ignores Heidi further and suggests to Audrina that they order pizza and champagne before heading out to Area.
Heidi and Spencer arrive at Dolce for a fancy dinner out, and he smarmily gushes about how hot she is, and how much he'd loooove to take her home for a romp instead of going clubbing with his arch nemesis. He asks her if she's decided to move in with him yet, and she answers with a vague 'maybe sometime in the future' and worries that if she moves out of Hillside Villas she'll no longer be friends with Lauren. Spencer's like, "And that's a problem because..?" and breezily points out that Lauren can always live with her new & improved BFF, Audrina.
Over at Hillside Villas, Lauren and Audrina are celebrating the upcoming festivities with Laguna pals Lo, Jill, and Natania by taking photos of each other and guzzling champagne. Lo asks why Heidi isn't here partying along with them, and Lauren explains that she pretty much spends every waking hour with her boyfriend...and when Lo says she heard that Spencer was a colossal fucktard, Lauren and Audrina chuckle [in agreement] and tell her she'll have to use her own judgement to decide just how colossal a fucktard he truly is.
Heidi and Spencer are en route to Area, and Spencer continues to grumble about being forced to party in the company of Lauren. When they arrive at the club, they hug everyone hello...and as Lauren occupies herself with her Colorado hunk, Heidi excitedly gabs to Lo about how Spencer has asked her to move in with him. As the clock strikes midnight, everyone screeches 'Happy New Year!' and smooches their beloved ... and a few seconds later, Lauren et. al. exit the club while Heidi and Spencer trail behind and try to look as left behind as possible. Spencer points out to Heidi what "a reality check" it is that Lauren basically just ditched her without saying goodbye, and Heidi half-heartedly tells him to stop constantly harping on the slow deterioration of their friendship.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi tells Elodie how disappointed she is that Lauren spent most of New Year's Eve hanging with Audrina - and Elodie says it's totally understandable, given how much she (Lauren) hates Spencer...to whom she (Heidi) was, no doubt, joined at the hip all night. Heidi's like, "Speaking of Spencer.." and tells Elodie he asked her to move in with him, and dreamily adds that she's never known what love was until the douchecanoe started manipulating her into distancing herself from anyone who's not him. Elodie scrunches her face in puzzlement and goes, "Really?" - LOL - and asks Heidi if she's ready to move in with him...and Heidi says she's pretty sure she really really wants to, and is going to have to find a way to break the news to Lauren.
Lauren and Whitney go out for coffee and dish about what they each did on New Year's Eve. Lauren tells her she was sooo happy that her Laguna pals came out, then adds that Heidi and Spencer were also at Area - but that she didn't spend much time with Heidi, who she can't believe hasn't yet given Spencer the heave-ho. Whitney chucklingly concurs and says that she too can't believe that that unholy coupling is still going on.
While out to dinner, Spencer and Heidi schmaltzily exchange I love yous...and Spencer insists he loves her more despite having to deal with her shitty friends. He snarls at Heidi for continuing to choose to live with Lauren over him, reminds her that Lauren left her in the dust on New Year's Eve, and orders her to break the news to Lauren that she's moving out 'cause he's in the process of finding a lair for the two of them to cohabitate in.
Lauren and Lo are dining out at Café Sushi and gabbing about New Year's Eve and all the bad blood that still exists between Lo and Jen Bunney. Lo switches gears and asks Lauren who she's going to room with after Heidi moves in with Spencer...and when a confused Lauren's all, "Wha-a-a-at are you talking about?!", Lo explains that Heidi told her at Area about how Spencer asked her to move in with him. A visibly shocked Lauren mulls that over, tells Lo she really doesn't think Heidi is crazy enough to want to live with the human shitbag, then stares worriedly into space.
Recap: Over lunch, Spencer suggests to Heidi that they go to Santa Barbara for the weekend...and when she's like, "I dunno, I really should spend more time with Lauren", he reminds her that Lauren doesn't deserve any Heidi time 'cause she's been treating him like he's the plague. Heidi says she's somehow convinced that Lauren will come around one day soon and meekly accept the fact that they're in love, and Spencer contorts his face into a 'yeah right' expression and says that people need to stop worrying about them coupling up. Heidi walks around the table and plops herself atop his lap, and he gushes about how cute she is and implores her to come to Santa Barbara with him, and she's like 'sure, why the hell not?'
Lisa Love summons Lauren and Whitney to her office to inform them that their next assignment will be to work under the oppressive supervision of Lawren Howell at a 'young L.A.' children's photo shoot. When she mentions that they're still in need of more teenagers for the shoot, Whitney says she has a photogenic sister named Jade she's certain will make the cut. Lisa's like, "Fantastic" and tells her to have Jade come in for the casting.
Back in the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney is nattering to Lauren about how she's soooo ready to be more than someone's intern and be given more responsibility - just as Lawren Howell enters the room to talk about the upcoming shoot. She tells them there's going to be lots of clothes and models on site, so it'll be imperative that they stay extremely well organized and have everything steamed and ready...and warns that if she happens to grab a dress that hasn't been steamed, it'll be their ass. After she leaves, Whitney makes a 'the fuck?' face at Lawren's bitchitude, and Lauren chuckles and offers to be head steamer for the shoot.
At Hillside Villas, Lauren is working on some fashion sketches when Heidi briefly returns home to pack for Santa Barbara. Lauren wanders upstairs to see whassup, and Heidi extends an invitation her to tag along to Santa Barbara with her and Spencer...and when Lauren somehow refrains from laughing and is all 'seriously?', Heidi instead suggests they have a special Heidi and Lauren night when she returns. Lauren contorts her face in an 'I'll believe that when it happens' expression, and Heidi announces that she's off for her romantic getaway and heads out with her suitcase.
Audrina tells Lauren that some guy named Chris asked her out, and that he has a hockey player friend named Blake he wants to bring along for a double date. Audrina assures her that they're normal, regular guys, and Lauren decides she's up for a no-drama evening.
In Santa Barbara, Heidi and Spencer are strolling along the beach, agreeing on how relaxing it is here compared to all the contrived drama that comes along with shooting a reality show in Los Angeles.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that she and Audrina have a double date with two normal dudes - just as Jade enters the room to announce that she scored the modelling gig. The three head over to a nearby dressing room, where Lawren Howell is prepping for the shoot. She once again reminds Lauren and Whitney that their primary responsibility will be to keep track of all the clothes and to not let anything get out of order.
Double date night! En route to the restaurant, Lauren tells Audrina she's looking forward to meeting a hockey player and that she finds testosterone-charged hockey games kinda hot. When they arrive, they greet Chris and Blake - two bland, definitely not MTV-ready type guys - and engage in boring chit-chat. Chris mentions that he saw Spencer at Area the other night, and Lauren widens her eyes and moans, "Nooooo..." and says she can't stand the Chucky doll lookalike. After dinner, the foursome hug each other goodnight...and once the boys are out of earshot, Lauren tells Audrina she considers the outing a successful date - despite Blake not asking for her number and her giving zero indication that she was at all into him.
Lauren and Whitney are en route to the 'young L.A.' children's photo shoot when Heidi calls Lauren to ask if they're still on for Heidi and Lauren night. Lauren says she's looking forward to their scheduled bonding and will meet her at the apartment at around 7pm. After she hangs up, she tells Whitney it's so weird to have to schedule time to hang out with her former BFF, given that every night used to be Heidi and Lauren night.
Photo shoot! Lawren Howell tells Lauren and Whitney for the umpteenth time that she's counting on them to keep all the clothes in perfect hanger order, then asks Whitney to stay by her side and have pins and tape ready for her at all times. In the next scene, a visibly irritated Whitney is holding a bag of pins and staring despondently into space when Lawren barks at her to have pieces of double-sided tape ready to grab whenever she needs some.
Later, Whitney tells Jade she's lucky to be on the model end of things 'cause it's hard when the person in charge treats interns like slaves and continually harps on keeping the photo shoot clothes in perfect order. She later complains to Lauren about how fuuuuucking tired she is of being bossed around at these tedious photo shoots, and is more than ready to hold the reins and enter the glamorous world of stylingk.
Toward the end of the shoot, Lawren Howell asks Lauren and Whitney to start packing up the stuff that's already been photographed - and Whitney interjects to inform Lawren that she has to leave early for a family dinner. Lawren shoots her an icy glare and is like, "I don't give a rat's ass; I need you to pack up the clothes" ... and a visibly miffed Whitney mumbles, "Nope, no can do" and stares sullenly at the floor, prompting Lauren to offer to stay late and pick up the slack.
Lauren gets a call from Audrina as she's driving home from the photo shoot, inviting her on another double-date with Chris and Blake at a sushi cafe. Lauren says she has to decline 'cause she has plans with Heidi, and Audrina's all, "Oh well, maybe another night."
Lauren returns to an empty apartment and finds a note from Heidi that reads 'I'm at the movies with Spencer. See ya later!' Lauren glares at the note, broods on the couch for a few seconds about the unexpected cancellation of Heidi and Lauren night, then promptly calls Audrina to tell her she's free for another double-date after all. Across town, Heidi and Spencer get snacks before seating themselves inside a near-empty movie theater, and grin stupidly at each other as they wait for the movie to start.
Recap: Lauren tells Audrina that she and Heidi have mutually decided nothing good can come of the two of them discussing Spencer, and that it's a bit weird 'cause the Chucky lookalike is such a huge part of Heidi's life. Lauren and Audrina agree on how dicked up it is that Heidi could be so head over heels for such a giant assbag, and Audrina goes a step further and says it's like he somehow put Heidi under his creepy spell. Lauren concurs and adds that Spencer has uttered what she thinks is a very premature 'I love you' to Heidi, and Audrina gasps in horror at his relationship level-jumping.
While shopping at a fancy boutique, Jen Bunney asks Heidi if she thinks Lauren would be upset if she were to start hanging out more with her and Spencer...and make a play for Brody. Heidi shrugs unconcernedly and tells her that she should do as she pleases and not worry so much about how hard Lauren's head is going to explode after she hears about it. Jen happily says she will take that advice.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that she and some gal pals are going out tonight to celebrate Jen's 21st birthday. She makes an ew face and adds that Spencer is invited to the party at Les Deux, then cackles about the only good thing to having Spencer show up anywhere: he tends to bring Brody along.
While cruising along in Brody's gas guzzling asshole-mobile, Spencer tells Brody it's imperative he get himself a lady so they can go out on a double date with him and Heidi. He then mentions that the two of them have an invitation from Heidi [and The Hills producers] to come to Jen Bunney's birthday party at Les Deux. Brody perks up at that and calls Jen "a cutie pie", and Spencer agrees and mumbles, "I think you should mack Jen, to be honest" ... and the two boors cackle over the icky prospect.
That evening, Lauren and the gals arrive at the Geisha House for Jen's birthday dinner...and Lauren makes a toast and lays it on thick about how Jen is one of her oldest and bestest friends in the entire world, then presents her with the gift of a diamond bracelet. Jen marvels about how Lauren shelled out major cash for real diamonds, gives her a warm thank you hug, and covertly asks Heidi if Brody is coming to Les Deux later. When Heidi confirms he is, she replies, "Too bad he hooked up with my best friend" [despite the non-existent hook-up between Lauren and Brody]. The two then excuse themselves to go to the bathroom so that Heidi can dish to Jen between stalls about how Brody "loves you loves you loves you" and "wants macking asap". When Jen excitedly asks if this is reliable, recent gossip, Heidi assures her that she heard it directly from the arsehole - I mean the horse's mouth.
After dinner, the gals head over to Les Deux, where Brody, Spencer, and Audrina are already getting the party started. Brody loudly asks Heidi to find him a girl - just as Jen wanders over, sits beside Brody, and glances happily at the clique of idiots with an 'I'm so happy to finally belong' look before declaring, "It's my crew. It's my crew." Spencer points at Brody and tells her he got her this stupid lug for her birthday, and she smilingly retorts, "Shut up!", then expresses her mild-by-this-point concern about Lauren being mad at her, which Heidi breezily assures her won't be an issue. Cue Lauren, who ambles over with Audrina to pose for photos with Jen...and then in what looks like out-of-chronological-order footage, Brody suggests that he, Jen, Spencer, and Heidi head to his condo, leaving behind a clueless Lauren asking Audrina, "Where's Jen?"
The next morning at Teen Vogue, Lauren tells Whitney that Jen et. al. went to Brody's condo without bothering to tell her they were leaving Les Deux...and that Jen later called her to ask how much she'd care if she hooked up with Brody. Lauren refrains from mentioning that three episodes ago she made it clear to Heidi that she only wanted to be friends with Brody and tells Whitney that in addition to Jen, she's furious at:
She grumbles about how tired she is of her friends screwing her over for a guy, then wonders aloud why anyone would even contemplate throwing away a friendship for the opportunity to "mack" a dipshitted womanizer like Brody Jenner.
Over at Epic Records, Audrina tells Chiara that Lauren is very sad about the Brody-Jen hookup largely 'cause Heidi just stood by and let it happen. She says she strongly believes that Spencer has been brainwashing Heidi - who, a year ago, would have objected to Jen getting canoodly with a guy her best friend had kissed [and then quickly determined 'nope, definitely no sexual chemistry here'].
Back in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren admonishes Jen over the phone for doing "a really cutthroat thing" and reminds her it's code that a girl doesn't hang out with a guy her best friend was [never truly] interested in. She chides Jen for her insincere apology, snarls, "Don't be at my apartment when I get home", and angrily tosses her phone onto the carpet.
Heidi returns to Hillside Villas to rehash with Lauren what went down at Les Deux last night. Lauren makes it clear that if their friendship keeps deteriorating the way it's been deteriorating this season, she's not going to want to live in Hillside Villas no mo'. Heidi says she's confused about why the Brody-Jen hookup is her fault when Jen's the one who made out with Brody, so Lauren makes it clear that she's so livid with Jen she's no longer speaking to her and has banned her from the apartment. She then berates Heidi for no longer being the friend she used to be, so Heidi accuses her of putting up a wall 'cause of her hatred for Spencer...and an exasperated Lauren's all, "OMFG, I was trying to be a good friend!" and doubts their friendship will survive if she insists on continuing to date the fuckbag. When Heidi asks if this means she can never bring up Spencer as a topic of conversation, Lauren scrunches her face in disgust and snarls, "Spencer has you so friggin' brainwashed, it's so sick to see", says she's changed soooo much since their unholy coupling, then blurts out what a sucky person she thinks Spencer is. She rails about how she hasn't felt soooo betrayed by friends in a long time...and when Heidi argues, "I didn't doooo anything", Lauren bellows, "Exactly! You didn't do anything" and says she could have at least pretended to weakly attempt putting a stop to Jen's/Brody's canoodling. Heidi fibs, "I did say 'stop'", and Lauren refrains from pointing out that the MTV footage tells an entirely different story and says that the situation is only going to worsen until she exhibits some semblance of common sense and dumps Spencer. Heidi responds by stupidly shaking her head and staring despondently into space.
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are out for a bite to eat when Heidi breaks the news that she's decided to give Spencer a second chance. Lauren looks alarmed and reminds her that the douchenozzle seems to love playing mind games with her, and can't understand why she wouldn't want to steer clear of him. She adds that Spencer is not a good person and that she's coming right out and saying this 'cause she's her friend. Heidi shrugs dismissively and says she's pretty confident that Spencer has changed for the better - but if not she's just going to have fun and see what happens. Lauren says she hates the thought of the creepy Chucky lookalike coming between them, and makes it clear what a terrible idea she thinks it is to get back together with him. She then says she no longer wants to talk about him or hear about him...and when Heidi says it's going to suck to not be able to mention her boyfriend to her best friend, Lauren's like, "Whatever" and promises to be there for her when he screws her over, which she thinks is pretty much a certainty.
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch at the Breadbar, and squeals with delight when he presents her with a lovely bouquet of roses. She then tells him she's been sooooo stressed with the whole Lauren Hates My Boyfriend situation and is worried that things are going to be awkward. Spencer professes his love for her...and when Heidi moans, "No one understands that", he wonders aloud how he can get Lauren to like him again. Heidi tells him he's just going to have to prove himself, and Spencer's all ew at the notion of putting any effort into convincing Heidi's friends he's not the massive tool he is and changes the subject to a "slumber party" at his place tonight...and Heidi perks up and tells him she's totes into that idea. Blech.
Heidi returns home and presents Lauren with her rose bouquet and gaily fibs, "These are for you, from Spencer!" and an unimpressed Lauren wryly asks if he's planning on giving them to Audrina tomorrow. Haha! After an awkward pause, Heidi goes upstairs to pack for her "slumber party" ... and after she heads out, Audrina calls Lauren and invites her to her apartment for dinner.
Over dinner, Lauren tells Audrina that Heidi is giving Spencer another chance, and Audrina's all, "OMG!" and laughs about how Spencer tried so hard to give people the impression that she (Audrina) was into him. Lauren says she's extremely annoyed at Heidi for telling Spencer what a cretin she thinks he is after the playmates spectacle and is worried that Spencer's going to put ideas in her head and alienate her from her gal pals. Audrina agrees that Heidi's in over her head and wishes she'd get out from under Chucky's mind control before she's in too deep.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's dismayed by the way Heidi has seemingly abandoned her whole life for Spencer. She then flatly says that things between them aren't going to be fine until he's permanently out of the picture.
Heidi and Spencer are happily strolling down the street, hand in hand. Heidi invites him to come to Area with her and Lauren tonight, but he says he'd rather not 'cause he's suddenly indignant about the way Lauren's been bad-mouthing him. Heidi refrains from reminding him that he brought the well-deserved disdain on himself and says [for now, at least] she'd prefer to not cut her best friend out of her life.
At Area, Heidi tells Lauren she doesn't want to fight with her about Spencer anymore and just wants the two of them to have fun tonight. Across the club, Audrina is staring over at Spencer and pointing out to her friend Clint that Spencer is brazenly flirting with some random woman despite the fact that Heidi is sitting just a few feet away. Audrina calls Lauren over and draws her attention to Spencer's flirting, and Lauren gets up and tells Heidi they're outa here. As Lauren heads for the door, Spencer stops her and says, "We're so making peace" and says it's fine if she hates him...and Lauren says she doesn't hate him, but thinks he's a user and would prefer Heidi not date him. Spencer insists that Heidi knows and fully accepts what a fuckbag he is and that they both understand each other, and Lauren retorts, "Good for you and Heidi", nonsensically declares, "I don't dislike you as a person", and says she's done talking to him now. After she exits the club, Spencer tells Brody he doesn't ever want to talk to Lauren again, and Heidi rushes over to give Spencer a comforting canoodle and coos about how it's all going to be OK.
The next day, Lauren drops by Brody's condo to tell him that pretty much everyone has warned Heidi not to get into anything serious with Spencer. When Brody stupidly asks why, Lauren tells him about Spencer's two-timing with Audrina and the flowers, and that he hits on girls every time he's out at a club. Brody reacts by chuckling at his degenerate friend's flirty flower buying, acknowledges that "maybe that was a little bit wrong", then spouts some nonsense about how Spencer feels threatened by her always getting into Heidi's ear and calling him shady. Lauren reminds him that Heidi was sobbing two episodes ago because of what his best friend did to her, then says if she weren't getting along with her best friend, she definitely wouldn't be happy.
Brody promptly reports to Spencer what Lauren just told him, and Spencer stares back at him incredulously and grumbles that she's going to have to "get over it". Brody brings up the Pinkberry/giving Audrina roses incident, and Spencer cackles about how Heidi told Lauren that the roses he bought were intended for her, then derisively mumbles, "Yeah, right. I'm not spending a dollar on you."
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse and whines about how Lauren told Brody she thinks she (Heidi) isn't happy anymore, which of course is a complete misrepresentation of what Lauren actually said. Heidi's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she's the happiest she's ever been, and Spencer sourly says that clearly Lauren's too negative to see that. Heidi calls this conflict "so weird", says it's gotten sooo out of control, and that she wants everything to go back to normal.
Lauren is at FIDM, looking sad and wistful...and in the next scene she's driving home while continuing to look sad and wistful.
When Lauren returns home, Heidi asks her whaddup with her telling Brody that she (Lauren) thinks she (Heidi) is unhappy, so Lauren clarifies what she actually said: if she weren't getting along with her best friend, she would definitely not be happy. Heidi complains about how unfair it is that she feels as though she has to choose between her best friend and Spencer, and Lauren says that no one's making her choose, then snidely adds, "But you have chosen, for the last week and a half." She complains that this whole conflict came about 'cause she was the only friend who was willing to level with her about what a fucktard Spencer is...and Heidi says she haaaaates it when things aren't fine between them and can't stand the "weird space" that now exists between them. Lauren admonishes her for telling Spencer how much she disdains him, which he reacted to by buying her flowers, and Heidi's like, "Uh, those flowers weren't actually for you" and explains that for some inexplicable reason she thought it'd be hilarious to present them to her as a gift from Spencer. Lauren's all 'the fuck?', shoots her the stink-eye for several long seconds, then mutters, "I really don't want to talk to you right now" before storming up to her bedroom.
Heidi packs her suitcase for her slumber party, then knocks on Lauren's door to see if she's ready to talk yet...and when Lauren tells her to go pee up a rope, Heidi gives up and heads off to Spencer's lair.
Recap: Audrina drops by the apartment to see how Heidi's doing after catching Spencer hanging with playmates during the previous episode, and Heidi motions at her head and calls herself death face, then says that one of the playmates was heard calling Spencer her boo. Audrina cites that as yet more proof that he's a dirt bag, and Lauren concurs and rhetorically asks Heidi how many more people need to point out what a total cretin he is for her to finally get it?!! Audrina recalls the day Spencer brought her roses at Pinkberry and then later hooked up with Heidi...and Heidi pretends as though this is the first she's heard of it [despite Audrina telling her all about it during dinner last episode] and swiftly dials Spencer's number, puts him on speaker, and calls him out on his brazen two-timing. After he replies with a muffled response that's too incoherent to get subtitled, Heidi tells him she's so angry she's shaking, and that she haaaates finding out from other people the various shitty things he's been doing behind her back. After she hangs up, Lauren cautions her to steer clear of the manipulative dickwad.
At Teen Vogue, Lisa Love informs Whitney and Lauren that the magazine is hosting a dinner for young designers tomorrow night, and that a "super intern" named Emily from the New York office [where she works under Jane Keltner's tutelage] will be flying in to help with the planning. She adds that she expects everything to be carried out in accordance with the Teen Vogue's usual high standards. Once Lauren and Whitney are back in the closet office, they wonder if an intern who reports to someone as prim and uptight as Jane Keltner will be similarly prim and uptight [spoiler: yes].
Spencer calls Heidi while she's at Bolthouse...and when she decides to pick up, he cackles, "Oooh hoo, look who picks up their phone", calls it weird that she hasn't been calling him back, and can't seem to grasp why she's been avoiding him. Heidi quietly reminds him that she caught him red-handed with playmates at Area, and he's all, "Why are you whispering?", so she explains that he's interrupting her at her faux workplace, then snidely adds, "You're one big interruption in my life." Spencer says he didn't think that going to Area with a bunch of playmates was any big deal, particularly since he didn't kiss or hook up with any of them...and when Heidi asks, "How do I know?", he bitchily retorts, "'Cause I'm telling you. I'm not a liar." Heidi calls the whole incident "very sketchy" and that if he wants her in his life he needs to respect her need for time and space...and the fuckhead responds by daring her to ignore him for a week, then snarls, "Let's see if I'm here to call" and hangs up.
Emily "super intern" arrives at Teen Vogue, plops her gold purse atop Lauren's desk in the closet office, then gets to work making photocopies. A few minutes later, Lauren arrives and stares at the purse in puzzlement - just as Emily enters the room, introduces herself, and promptly gets down to business. She recites a to do list for their busy day ahead in preparation for the big dinner:
Over at Bolthouse Productions, Kristen stops by Heidi's desk to re-emphasize what a douchebag Spencer is for keeping company with playmates at Area last weekend. Heidi concurs and says she's still very miffed that he would embarrass her like that in front of her co-workers.
Lauren is en route to The Velvet Garden with Emily, who gabbles about Lisa wanting chinoiserie vases for the centerpiece flowers. Lauren scrunches her face confusedly and says she has no idea what chinoiserie is, then chuckles about the needless expense and general ridiculousness of buying a bunch of fancy new vases to use as centerpieces for one lousy dinner party - right?! - but a humorless Emily's like, "I don't find it ridiculous at all", insists that that kind of minutiae is crucially important to the success of an upscale dinner party, and that everything Teen Vogue does has to be "just so". After that fun awkwardness, the two arrive at The Velvet Garden, where Emily takes charge and selects the appropriate chinoiserie vases, and impresses the saleswoman with her vast knowledge of flower types. The camera then pans over to Lauren, who looks completely out of her element and is staring despondently at Emily's selections.
That evening, Heidi, Lauren, and Jen are out to dinner at Luna Park, and Heidi is prattling about how much she's loving being single right now. A few second later, she checks her phone and shrieks, "Stop texting me!" and explains to Lauren and Jen that Spencer keeps texting her and leaving her 'please don't dump me' voicemail messages. Jen threatens to toss her phone into her mojito, while Lauren flatly declares, "He's not a good guy", which prompts Heidi to stare contemplatively into space. Uh oh.
Lauren drops by Whitney's place to check on how she's doing after she had her wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day. Lauren gives her the low-down on Emily and says they definitely did not mesh while running errands...and Whitney chuckles and promises to be at Kevin's house later to help set up for the dinner.
At Bolthouse Productions, Heidi pulls Elodie aside to tell her how much she misses Spencer - &#%$!! - and Elodie stares back at her with a 'you can't be serious' look and asks her how she could possibly feel that way about a person who so creepily embarrassed and disrespected her. Heidi shrugs and replies, "You don't choose who you love" [yeah you do] and explains that Spencer's been wearing her down with his many texts and phone messages, telling her how desperately he wants to be her boyfriend [and continue reaping the financial rewards of keeping up with regular appearances on The Hills]. Elodie reminds her that he's only proven what an untrustworthy dinkwhistle he is, then asks what she plans to do about it...and Heidi just kind of shrugs and once again stares contemplatively into space.
Over at Kevin's house, Lauren, Whitney, and Emily are putting the final touches on the place settings for the Teen Vogue dinner party. Lauren remarks on the over-abundance of Emily's centerpiece flowers, but is ignored by Emily and Jane Keltner - until Lisa Love arrives, takes one look the ginormous garden of flowers clustered down the center of the table, and suggests they scale it down by half. Haha! Whitney quietly tells Lauren she's pretty sure they'll be invited to stay - just as Lisa informs Emily that she's been chosen to dine with the fashion glitterati...unlike Lauren and Whitney, who will need to skedaddle asap. Lauren and Whitney beat a hasty retreat and head to the nearest drive-thru, where they eat hamburgers and chuckle over Lisa's more-rude-than-usual snub.
Heidi emerges from the Hillside Villas lobby decked out in a strapless black dress and sashays in her usual overexaggerated wiggly hips manner to Spencer's black BMW. As she approaches the passenger door he coos, "Hello, beautiful" ... and a few seconds later, the two drive off together. Noooooooo!!
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are sunning themselves by the Hillside Villas pool, discussing the current boy situation. Lauren says she just wants to be friends with Brody, while Heidi insists that she and Spencer are becoming much more secure in their relationship. She then says she's meeting up with Audrina later 'cause she now realizes how stupid it is for them to not be friends, and Lauren nods approvingly and calls the impending reconciliation "very mature".
Heidi asks Brent if she can take some time off from pretending to work at Bolthouse in order to fly home to see her mom, and he says she's free to do whatever she wishes with her pretend vacation time. When she returns to her workstation, she gets a call from her co-worker Max (who looks to be situated a few feet away) to give her a heads-up about the dress code 'cause he just got "chewed out by Jen" over the yellow polka-dotted monstrosity of a shirt he fished out of his closet this morning...and says that while her low-cut, back-baring white dress is cute, it probably isn't appropriate office attire. Heidi breezily says she'll talk to Brent about it...and Max giggles girlishly to himself as he hangs up.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney asks Lauren if she's kissed Brody on any of their dates...and Lauren says that while she doesn't usually kiss and tell, she's pleased to report that:
Heidi meets up with Spencer for lunch, and the two are eating on an outdoor patio while she tells him about Max's criticism of her skimpy dress despite Brent not giving a rat's ass how someone who was cast in an MTV reality show dresses while pretending to work at his company. Spencer says he can't wait to run into Max in the clubs so he can take the low road and criticize his outfit. Heidi changes the subject and tells him she's having dinner with Audrina later in the episode...and Spencer looks displeased and reminds her that they're supposed to be mortal enemies - but Heidi says they used to be good friends and that she doesn't actually believe the nonsensical trash-talk he's been trying to pedal about Audrina plotting to break them up so she can have him for herself. LOL. Spencer's like, "Whatevs" and says he'd rather talk about how awesome and cute she is - then gets distracted when Heidi motions over at Elodie and Max, who just walked past their table and are about to enter the indoor part of the restaurant. Spencer shoots Max the stink-eye before wandering over to introduce himself and admonish him for daring to comment on Heidi's wardrobe. Max just kind of nods and pats Spencer on the shoulder as he attempts to quickly extricate himself from the ridiculous confrontation - but Spencer responds by shrieking, "Don't touch me, bro! That's assault!" He then follows Max down the street bellowing, "I'll see you in the club!" ... and when Max mutters about what a tool he is, he threatens, "I'll beat your ass!" As Heidi wrings her hands and is all, "You can't dooooo that, Spencer!", he insists he was being nice up until the tool remark, and assures a bewildered Elodie that he's not nearly as big a jerk as she could only assume he is. Heidi then half-heartedly chides him for his anger management issues as the two climb into her car and speed off.
Over at Teen Vogue, Whitney tells Lauren she has a birthday party to go to, but doesn't have a thing to wear 'cause she hasn't had any time to go shoppingk. Lauren suggests she borrow something from the closet office, then changes the subject and tells her that Heidi and Audrina have plans to go to dinner so they can work through their contrived Spencer-instigated problems.
At dinner that evening, Heidi explains to Audrina that she didn't want to have any drama at her birthday party last episode and says she didn't much like it when she arrived at Area with Spencer while rumors were circulating that they had hooked up. Audrina makes an 'ew! gross!' face and makes it clear that Spencer is not her type. At all. And that she was thoroughly icked out whenever they happened to be in the same club and he'd do weird shit to try to make it look to everyone as if they were coupling up. Heidi says she's soooo sick of people warning her about Spencer 'cause they don't see what he's like when they're alone together...and Audrina refrains from telling her what a dumbass defense of him that is and asks her if she was with Spencer a couple of Saturdays ago. Heidi consults with her planner and says it looks like she was, and Audrina tells her that Spencer had called her that day - but she didn't bother calling him back, given how revolting she finds him. She urges Heidi to be careful with this turd of a man-child, but stupid Heidi just sips her drink and mutters, "I dunno."
Heidi reports back to Lauren that Spencer has been calling Audrina, and Lauren agrees that it's annoying to have people constantly warning her about what a douchebag the guy she's currently dating is. Lauren then back pedals from that and nonsensically pronounces that while she doesn't completely trust Spencer, she does trust that he likes her...then asks Heidi who she trusts more - Audrina or Spencer - and Heidi mulls that over for a few seconds before replying, "I dunno."
Heidi packs for her trip to Colorado to visit her mom and tells Lauren to go out to the clubs tonight so that she can report back on how well/abominably Spencer is behaving. She then admits she's sooooo jealous at the thought of him flirting with other girls, a state of mind I can only describe as baffling in the extreme.
Over at Condo Dipstick, Spencer tells Brody he thought he'd shake things up on The Hills by inviting a bunch of blonde playmates to hang with them while Heidi's out of town - but will surely learn about after she sees the MTV footage. A few seconds later, four bosomy blonde playmates arrive...and everyone raises their glasses in a toast to an amaaaazing night at Area.
Heidi ends up missing her flight Colorado and primps with Lauren and Jen in the bathroom as they get ready for their night out. Heidi says she didn't inform Spencer that she'll be in L.A. this weekend after all and looks forward to surprising him and seeing for herself the depths of boorishness to which he sinks when he thinks she isn't around.
At Area, one of the playmates tells Spencer she's doing a naked picnic photo shoot tomorrow, and Spencer looks intrigued and jokingly proposes marriage.
Heidi arrives at Area and hugs her co-worker Kristen, who tells her that Spencer arrived at the club with a bunch of blonde bimbos in tow...and Heidi manages to contort her face into an expression of shock and asks, "What blonde bimbos?" - but in the next breath chirps, "This is going to be fun!"
The Hills gals enter Area, make a beeline over to where Spencer and Brody are chillin' with the playmates, and shriek, "Spennnnnncer! Surprise!" ... and he responds by clapping his hands and saying to Heidi, "Aaah, so you had a little plan, look at you." Heidi explains that she unexpectedly missed her flight to Colorado, then storms off to the bathroom while Lauren gives Brody a hello canoodle and engages in pleasant small talk. When Heidi emerges from the bathroom, she pulls Lauren aside to tell her she has it on good authority (aka one of the blonde bimbos who was in the condo) that Spencer has been hitting on every girl in the club. Heidi confronts Spencer about his coarse behavior...but he just chortles and asks her to give him a hug. She declines and says she no longer believes what comes out of his mouth 'cause it's usually a giant load of bullcack, then stalks off before exiting the club and climbing into a taxi with Lauren.
At Hillside Villas, Heidi sobs on the couch and cries, "Just hang up! I'm over you! It's fine!" while Lauren actually expends energy talking to Spencer via Heidi's phone, calling him out for hanging with playmates when he thought Heidi would be in Colorado. She exclaims that when he called she "had to pick up the phone like I had to pick up my best friend and carry her upstairs!" [even though it's doubtful she physically carried Heidi up the stairwell and then down the long hall to the apartment]. She looks aghast at whatever he's saying in response, tells him he has to figure out what he wants with Heidi, and that (maybe) Heidi will call him tomorrow.
Heidi tearfully tells Lauren she was starting to fall in love with the shitbag, and Lauren gives her a comforting hug and cautions her against falling in love with anyone in L.A. Especially while filming an MTV reality show.
Recap: Lauren and Heidi are out shopping for dresses to wear to Heidi's upcoming birthday party. Heidi says she invited Whitney [despite her complete lack of interest in attending] - but not Audrina, though she'll consider being cordial to her if they happen to cross paths.
Lauren meets up with Brody for lunch, and the two talk about their past relationships and how Brody likes to jump from one relationship to another without skipping a beat. He shrugs and tells her it always just seems to happen that way, then says he currently has an opening for someone to cuddle with while the MTV cameras are rolling.
At Epic Records, Audrina wanders over to Chiara's cubicle to smilingly discuss the inanity that is the her/Heidi/Spencer feud situation. She insists that nothing is going on between her and Spencer, who she describes as a pig and a dirtbag...and says that despite not being invited to Heidi's birthday party, the producers are making her go to Les Deux to wish the nitwit a happy birthday and ask whaddup with all the snubbing.
Heidi and Lauren arrive at a fancy salon to get their hair done for the party. Heidi tells the stylist she wants a fun, sexy, sophisticated Audrey Hepburn-type 'do, then tells Lauren she's not lifting a finger to do her own makeup 'cause on her special day she considers herself to be an American princess. Lauren says that Whitney probably won't make the party 'cause she's "too tired" [and clearly uninterested in coming up with a nicer sounding excuse she could at least have put an ounce of effort into], and Heidi just shrugs and once again declares that Audrina is definitely not invited.
Party time! Heidi's birthday party is in full swing at Les Deux, and after Heidi hugs guests upon their arrival, Lauren brings out a ginormous cake featuring an edible photo of Heidi as a little girl. Heidi blows out the candles, poses with the cake, and obnoxiously shrieks, "I'm soooo cute! Nobody can eat me!" Across the room, Spencer tells Brody that Lauren is soooo his style, but Brody shrugs noncommittally and says he's not sure 'bout dating someone new 'cause he just got out of an entanglement. Lauren, meanwhile, tells Heidi she's not ready to jump into a relationship with anyone, much less a vapid tool like Brody, but Heidi urges her to throw all good taste to the wind and aspire to become the womanizer's newest lady love.
Audrina arrives at Les Deux talking into two different cell phones, then comes to the second floor of the club to look around for the birthday girl. When she finally finds Heidi, she asks if she's mad at her...and Heidi just shrugs, avoids making eye contact while muttering, "It's cool", then says she doesn't want to discuss anything feud-related on her birthday. A bewildered Audrina tells an unnamed friend how weird it is that Heidi acts as if she barely knows her - just as Jen Bunney tells Lauren she could use more MTV airtime and is therefore taking it upon herself to confront Audrina about "talking shit on Heidi", even though Lauren's like, "Uh, she's not" and that she and Audrina have plans to talk through this nonsense at lunch tomorrow. Jen's like 'whatever' and barrels ahead with an awkward sit-down with Audrina, who she insults by calling "such a random girl" [in true pot calling the kettle black fashion] and tells her she's taken it upon herself to ensure that Heidi has a great birthday. Audrina explains that she merely came upstairs to wish Heidi a happy birthday - but since she's obviously not welcome to stay, she and her friends are leaving. Jen agrees that that would be best and says, "Not that I don't like you or anything" as Audrina collects her friends and exits the club. A few seconds later in the parking lot, Audrina wails into one of her cell phones that she has no idea what she did to make all the mean girls hate her so much.
After the party, Lauren, Heidi, and Jen head over to Hillside Villas, eat Chinese takeout, and gigglingly discuss the prospect of Lauren and Brody becoming an item. Jen tells Lauren she thinks that Brody really likes her, Lauren says she's not sure what the hell she wants when it comes to dating, and Heidi acknowledges that Brody is nothing more substantive than arm candy.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she's expected to come to lunch with her and Audrina and listen to a re-hash of the Audrina/Heidi feud...and Whitney's all 'the fuuuuuuck am I doing on this show?'
At Café Verona, Lauren and Audrina discuss Heidi's snubbing of Audrina last night, while Whitney stares blankly into space and kicks herself for not invoking her "I'm too tired" excuse to avoid having to tag along. Audrina kicks things off by explaining that she had no intention of ruining Heidi's birthday party and merely wanted to wish her a happy birthday and casually inquire as to why she's been shunned by the rest of The Hills' cast for the last three episodes for trying to steal Heidi's man when it's become crystal clear how repulsed she is by the notion of getting busy with the horrid Chucky look-alike. Lauren tells her that Heidi didn't want to focus on anything not birthday-related during her birthday party, to which Audrina argues that Heidi has flatly refused to talk to her at all. The two agree that much of this contrived conflict is Spencer's doing, but then just leave it at that (!) ... and Whitney snaps out of her detachment long enough to suggest to Audrina that maybe she and Heidi have just drifted apart the way friends sometimes do. The camera then pans over their faces for several seconds as they mutely stare at each other, their faces scrunched in perplexed contemplation.
Lauren tells Heidi the lunch went fine, and that if she sees Audrina out in the clubs it's not going to be an issue. Heidi looks disconcerted as she mulls that over, then sing-songishly retorts, "I don't care. I have too many friends and too little time." As Lauren stares back at her with a 'the fuck?' look, Heidi switches gears and decrees how they should spend the rest of the day: nap, dinner, meet up with Spencer and Brody at Area.
Later, Lauren and Heidi arrive at Area and greet Spencer and Brody with happy hugs. Across the club, Audrina tells her friends she's getting tired of being the pariah of the show, and one of her friends concurs with how dicked up that is and derisively calls Spencer "the ultimate cheese". LOL. Spencer, meanwhile, urges Heidi to not let Audrina come between them [despite his effort at keeping the ever implausible 'oh no...two hot girls are fighting over me' conundrum alive], then barks at Jen to move her keister so that Lauren can sit beside Brody and endure his gushing about her gorgeous eyes and how he really really likes hanging out with her. A few seconds later, a puzzled Heidi glances around Area and asks Spencer where Lauren and Brody disappeared to. Mmm hmm..
Brody takes Lauren to his condo, then steers her over to his terrace so the two can stare out at the fantastic view of L.A. and gabble about what a fantastic time they had at Area. Brody leans in for a kiss, which prompts Lauren to giggle and call him a cheeseball - bwahahaha! - and he's like, "If by cheeseball you mean that I keep it real, then yeah I'm a cheeseball" and smarmily compliments her smile for the thousandth time.