Recap: Lauren takes Heidi along to a sporting goods store to buy a set of golf clubs to give to Jason for his birthday. Heidi remarks on what a great gift idea that is, and Lauren says she's only getting them 'cause she literally can't think of what else he might like...then adds that she's going to have to figure out a way to sneak the clubs into the trunk of his car so he can use them for his golf game on the morning of his birthday.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney remarks, "Jeans can be really addictink" 'cause apparently there are always new ones she feels she needs to have. (Um...OK, Whit.) A few seconds later, Lisa Love enters the room along with a fashion director named Gloria, who announces that there's a big photo shoot on Wednesday she's going to need help with. Whitney says she has class during that time, which means Lauren will have to be there all day to help with the organizing. Lauren looks mildly alarmed and goes, "On Wednesday??!" and Gloria nods obliviously and says she's really counting on her to be there all day and keep everything running smoothly. Once Lisa and Gloria are out of earshot, Lauren tells Whitney that Wednesday is Jason's birthday, and that it sucks she has to work 'cause they had plans for the day.
While lounging in the pool that evening, Audrina tells Heidi she has a date with a hot guy named Danny. Heidi asks her whassup with her and Brian, and she shrugs and is all, "Not much" and clarifies that they never "took it to the next level". Heidi chuckles at that expression, then suggests they develop some kind of secret signal for her date with Danny so she can find out how well/horribly it's going in real time...and Audrina smilingly agrees that that sounds like a fantastic idea.
Jason drops by the apartment and gives Lauren a hello smooch. She breaks it to him that she has to work a Teen Vogue photo shoot all day Wednesday 'cause Whitney is unavailable. Jason digests the news, then sourly says, "So...you have to work. On my birthday. Whatever." Lauren winces and mutters, "I'm sorry", and he moodily stares into space while irritably muttering, "Don't worry about it."
Danny picks up Audrina for their date...and while en route to the restaurant, he blathers about how he aspires to be a model and/or actor. She asks him what beach he went to today, and he looks confused and says (and I quote), "Wait - did I say I was going to the beach? I must have lied. That's amazing" - LOL - and Audrina stares into space with a look of bewilderment, no doubt wondering how quickly she can get the MTV crew to wrap up the filming of this date.
At the restaurant, Danny grabs his cell and says he absolutely needs to check his messages while sitting across from her, then pretends he got a call from his agent. When he's done with that, Audrina asks him when he last had a relationship, and he shrugs and says he's never had a relationship that lasted more than thirty minutes. Audrina gets a call from Heidi to ask how the date is going, then suggests - as their secret signal - to compliment the food if Danny didn't turn out to be a total fuckwad. Audrina calls the food "a little greasy" and Heidi cackles with delight and urges her to meet up with the rest of The Hills gang after her dinner. Danny, meanwhile digs into his food and remarks, "This salad's like a party" while Audrina just stares back at him in blatant dismay.
Heidi, Jordan, Lauren, and Jason arrive at Bella Restaurant...and Heidi warns that things could get awkward 'cause Audrina is just coming off a date that Brian has no idea she had. A few seconds later, Brian arrives...and then a few seconds after that, Audrina arrives...and when Heidi asks her how the date was, she somehow describes it as good, but then makes a 'hell no' face when asked if she's interested in ever seeing Danny again. Heidi squeals, "I wanna hear more! I wanna hear more!", but Brian rolls his eyes and moans, "Oh God, please. Enough already."
Photo shoot! Jane, an extremely uptight looking Teen Vogue fashion editor, tells Lauren that her first task will be to organize all of the footwear by category. Lauren busies herself with that, then does some clothes steaming and gets all the models to sign releases. Later, as the photographing gets underway, Lauren tells Blaine she bought her boyfriend some golf clubs and that the whole Hills clan is getting together for a birthday dinner.
The Hills menfolk arrive at Angeles National Golf Club, and Jordan surprises Jason with his new golf clubs and tells him they're from Lauren. Jason looks pleased by her thoughtfulness and calls her to thank her and reminds her he's picking her up later for dinner.
Lauren spends the rest of the day assisting with various menial tasks at the photo shoot, and at one point commiserates to the models about how she's missing her boyfriend's birthday. Even though he's a big boy, and is enjoying his special day playing golf with his pals.
As the menfolk enjoy their golf game, Lauren anxiously watches the clock as she packs everything up once the photo shoot has officially concluded. Jane wanders over to ask Lauren if she has any interest in watching the crew take some final shots on the beach...and Lauren says she's more than willing to go if her intern services are needed - otherwise she has a birthday party to get to. Jane snidely says, "You don't have to be there if you don't care", and Lauren refrains from snapping back, "No, I really don't care" as she beats a hasty retreat.
Jason picks up Lauren...and while en route to the restaurant, he asks her if she plans to go home after dinner. Lauren's all, "Wuh?" and says she'd be willing to go clubbing with him if that's what he's hinting at, and he makes a blech face at that prospect and lays on a guilt trip about how she had to work on his birthday, wah wah.
The two arrive at Blowfish Sushi, where the rest of The Hills cast (minus Whitney) awaits. Brian stands up and offers a lengthy toast...and soon after, Jason abruptly gets up and seats himself at the other end of the table. When Lauren stares over at him with a hurt expression, he returns to his seat and grunts, "I'm just trying to be friendly, baby", then gets up again and saunters off camera. Lauren tells the guy sitting beside her she's not going to fight with Jason on his birthday - then informs Jason a short time later that she doesn't want to go clubbing tonight after all. He scrunches his face in faux confusion and asks her why she's mad at him, and she refrains from calling him out for acting like a pissy little bitch all through dinner and replies in a flat voice, "I won't fight with you on your birthday, I love you" - and they both look really pissed off as Jason climbs into a nearby Mercedes with the rest of the Hills menfolk and speeds off.
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Recap: Heidi answers the door and accepts the delivery of a ginormous flower bouquet for Lauren, which has an accompanying card that reads 'To Lauren, Love Jason. I miss you.' Heidi chuckles and says, "Of course he misses you", then declares, "But you don't miss him" - but quickly looks alarmed at the wistful look on Lauren's face and asks, "Do you miss him?" Lauren just stares contemplatively into space, so I'll take that as a yes.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney she broke up with Jason shortly before moving to L.A. 'cause she caught him kissing his ex during a fashion show she was running. She says that since he never apologized, she decided he wasn't worth giving a second chance to despite still having feelings for him.
At Bolthouse Productions, an overwhelmed looking Heidi is on the phone at her workstation as various co-workers dump tedious sounding tasks on her.
Lauren listens to her answering machine, on which Jason has left another message inviting her to call him. He suggest they meet up to get something to eat and catch up on old times.
That evening, Lauren is primping in her bathroom before driving over to Pane E Vino restaurant, where she finds a scruffy-faced Jason seated at a table in the outdoor patio. She glares at him as she asks why he called, and he shrugs and mumbles that he hadn't talked to her for awhile and just wanted to see how she was doing. He says he still cares bout her...and she reminds him that because he did a terrible thing to her, she felt like she couldn't be with him despite how much she still liked him. Jason stares into space with a glazed over expression and suggests they start fresh now that they're both in L.A.
Brent calls a staff meeting and announces that The Palms Hotel is opening a new tower in Vegas, and that Bolthouse will be hosting a big party in a stunning 10,000 square foot suite. As Heidi's face lights up with excitement, Brent - somewhat gleefully, I thought - informs her that since she's not yet twenty-one, she won't be able to come along. Haha!
Blaine pops by the Teen Vogue closet office to ask Whitney to make him some copies in order to free up the room for Jason, who arrives at the building clutching a flower bouquet. When he enters the closet office, Lauren looks thrilled by the surprise and accepts his invitation to go to lunch. When Whitney returns, Lauren introduces her to Jason and says they're off to lunch...then (rhetorically?) asks if Teen Vogue interns are even allowed to take a lunch break.
Over lunch, Lauren remarks on her distaste for salmon, despite her dad being into fishing. Jason says he looooves fishing and would like to buy a boat...and after some more banal chit-chit, he picks up the check and asks her if she'd like to catch a movie with him later. Lauren happily says she'd be totes into that.
Heidi goes into the ladies room with Elodie for a one-on-one complaint-fest about her job-related misery. She complains to Elodie that she doesn't "get this company", feels like she's not really part of anything, and wants to be assigned cool nightclub things. When she whines that the job isn't at all what she expected, Elodie tells her she first needs to really learn the job, pay her dues, and eventually work her way up to the club scene. Elodie says she figures that a million men and/or women would kill for the job she herself has earned her way into, but Heidi just stares poutishly into space.
After lunch, Whitney asks Lauren if the old spark was there between her and Jason, and Lauren says it's always there. Whitney says she put her flower bouquet in some water for her, then remarks on how hard Jason is trying to impress her. Lauren says she's decided to give the relationship another chance so she doesn't spend the rest of her life wondering if it was a mistake to blow him off, and Whitney agrees that that's a good idea, and says there are people in life one never quite gets over.
Lauren is lounging by the pool texting when Heidi wanders over...and makes a blech face when she learns that Lauren is texting Jason. She asks Lauren if Jason is seeing other girls, and Lauren replies, "I don't think so" and assures Heidi that this time she has her guard up. Heidi nods approvingly and says she doesn't want to see her get hurt again, and that she'll kill him if he does.
At Bolthouse Productions the next day, Brent barks at Heidi to get him his lunch...and Heidi heads out, but forgets his smoothie drink. After sorting that out, she goes to a private place outside and calls Jordan to tearfully complain about how much she haaaates her job, can't stand picking up lunch orders for her boss, and desperately wants to quit.
Lauren and Jason arrive at the movies, chuckling about they're practically the only two in the enormous theater. After what looks like an enjoyable date, he drives her home, hugs her goodnight, and leans in for an intense smooch. He then suggests they have dinner sometime soon, and she blushingly tells him she's definitely up for that.
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Recap: Heidi asks Lauren if she's still miffed at her for dropping out of FIDM, and Lauren's like, "Yeah kinda" and says it's weird that she quit, given that attending FIDM was the main reason she moved to L.A. - but then concedes that there are lots of opportunities in the city. Heidi says she's soooooo excited about her new job and likes the idea of "running around all the time", hanging out in the clubs and meeting celebrities. Lauren reminds her that since it's a job she'll have to work, and Heidi's like, "Yeah whatever - OMG, what should I wear?!" Lauren advises her to always dress nicer than she thinks she should. At least on the first day.
Later, at Teen Vogue, Blaine summons Lauren to his office to tell her she's going to need to take the red-eye to New York to deliver a dress to Lisa Love, who's attending Fashion Week. He unhelpfully adds that he has no idea how long she'll be there - an hour? five days? - and Lauren's like 'seriously?' and is probably too polite to remind him it's not exactly convenient for her to be away for an indeterminate period of time 'cause she also attends school - but in the next scene she seems fairly excited by the idea of flying across the country to run an errand.
Brian drops by Quixote Studios to dorkishly flirt with Audrina, and she gives him a tour of the various stages, including one that's currently in use for a Maxim/scantily clad female model shoot. Brian wanks her about how much hotter she is than the models, then asks her out to dinner tomorrow night...and she's like 'ah what the hell, I have nothing better to do'.
Lauren rushes home to pack and inform Heidi that she has to leave for the airport in an hour to fly to New York to deliver a dress [that someone either forgot to ship in advance or decided at the last minute was urgently needed]. Lauren says she has no idea what to wear to a fashion show [despite not being invited to attend any], and Heidi, who's suddenly an authority on the matter, says it's customary to wear something by the designer. Heidi gushes about how much fun she's going to have [flying to and from New York within the same 24 hours] as Lauren packs her big pink suitcase and dashes out.
That evening, Heidi and Audrina are hanging by the pool, talking about boys and how super excited she still is about landing her "dream job". She adds that she quickly realized she wasn't meant to follow the same career path as Lauren and has no regrets about dropping out of school, and Audrina nods approvingly and chirps, "I dropped out too!"
Lauren, meanwhile, arrives in New York and goes into the nearest ladies room to change into something dressy and comb out her hair.
Heidi arrives at Bolthouse Productions and announces to the Second Assistant (Landon) that it's her first day of work...as, I'm guessing, Third (?) Assistant. Brent summons her to his office to explain that basically her job will be to assist whatever department needs extra help...and today she'll be assigned to the mailing room to help the other grunts stuff envelopes. Heidi looks less than thrilled by the menial task...and when she learns that the woman stuffing envelopes next to her is an intern who attends FIDM, she wryly says, "I just dropped out of there" and completely misses the irony of having made that rash decision.
In New York, Lauren arrives at the Marc by Marc Jacobs fashion show and finds Lisa Love chatting with someone. When Lisa finally acknowledges her, she takes the dress with a curt thank you, then tells her she's going to need to fly back to L.A. tonight. Lauren looks crestfallen by the major brushoff, then heads back out to the town car to be ferried to wherever she's going to kill time until her flight departs.
Heidi calls Lauren from a bathroom stall to complain about how boooooring her dream job turned out to be, and that stuffing envelopes all day has been "a nightmare". Lauren tells her that she too is disgruntled about having to fly across the country for the sole purpose of delivering a dress, then wearily says she has no idea how she's going to do this internship and attend school.
Heidi asks to speak to Brent [and by default Jen, the Nightlife & Events producer] about the indignity of having to stuff envelopes all day...and suddenly feigns confusion about whether this was supposed to be a full or part-time position. Brent tells her that her being around full-time is what's best for Bolthouse [is it, Brent??], and that he'd like her to at least pretend to be 100% committed to wanting to be there. Jen chimes in and says, "You've got to crawl before you walk" and Brent adds, "If you're going to come here and work, we need you to work." Heidi thanks them for the clarification and sashays out of the office, leaving Brent and Jen exchanging OMFG expressions and shaking their heads in collective dismay.
Audrina and Brian are out to dinner at a Japanese restaurant. The two discuss how long they've been living in L.A. and how they're attempting to break into showbiz by taking acting classes and going to castings. After dinner, Brian walks her to her door and hints that he'd like to hang out some more, and she awkwardly invites him in for some hanky-panky-free alone time.
Heidi gets up at 6:30am the next morning, makes breakfast, then sits atop the bed while munching on a bowl of cereal and watching TV. Jordan grumbles about her having a "regular job" - I can't help wondering if his Hills pay checks are fully financing his life of sloth or if he has an alternate revenue source - and urges her to blow off work and lay in bed with him all day. Heidi mulls that over and looks tempted, but ultimately decides to give her dream job at least one more day.
Brent tells Heidi that since Landon is out today, he needs her to handle travel arrangements for various staff. He then realizes it's lunchtime and orders Heidi to go get him a sandwich, and she reacts by staring unhappily into space.
Lauren and her big pink suitcase return home from New York. She checks her answering machine and looks aghast as she listens to a message from Jason, her shitty ex. He tells her he's in L.A. and wants to know if she'd like to hang out and get caught up, and she continues to glare in horrified bewilderment at the answering machine.
Lauren arrives on the FIDM campus and goes to class, while at Bolthouse Productions a poutish Heidi inputs "9-6" for every weekday on her computer calendar. The camera then pans back to Lauren, who's barely listening to her classmate deliver a presentation, presumably 'cause she's so distracted by the imminent return of Jason to her life.
Recap: Heidi is carefully selecting her first day of school outfit...and when she asks Lauren for her opinion on the ensemble, Lauren's like, "I really don't give a shit about what outfit you wear after you got me in trouble with my boss last episode." She chides Heidi for making a drunken spectacle of herself with Jordan, then declares a new "big rule": no more crashing her work things.
In the Teen Vogue closet office, Whitney and Lauren compliment each other's outfits before invoking the light scolding Lauren got from Lisa during the Young Hollywood party. Lauren blames Heidi for crashing and inciting a fight with her boyfriend, and Whitney agrees that it wasn't very responsible behavior and adds that she finds Lisa kinda scary. No argument there.
Brian and Jordan are shooting hoops in the park as they too discuss the fight. Jordan puts the blame solely on Heidi 'cause she's always flirting with everyone, then claims she later admitted to him [off camera] that she was wrong. He then tells Brian that they later made up, and Brian cackles and says it'd be hot if they had a threesome with Lauren. I doubt Lauren would agree, but OK.
Lauren is summoned to Lisa's office to be chastised more thoroughly for her friends' boorish behavior at the party. Lisa contorts her default expression of disdain into one of even greater disdain as she recounts that they were drunk and arguing loudly, makes it clear that she does not approve of underage alcohol abuse, then asks how they were able to get in. Lauren stares back at her blankly and mumbles that she wasn't "out there" and therefore has no earthly idea how her friends were able to sneak in. Lisa decides against asking the MTV film crew for the video footage that would prove Lauren a giant fibber, reminds her that she's going to have to live a more wholesome life if wants to continue representing Teen Vogue, and informs her that next week she'll be in New York for fashion week. She sternly adds, "Behave."
Lauren returns to the closet office and assures Whitney she didn't rat her out for letting her halfwit friends into the party...which is the least she could do, given that she kind of pressured Whitney into it. Whitney thanks her for keeping her out of this mess, and Lauren grumbles that the whole thing is Heidi's fault.
Heidi lounges by the pool and calls Audrina to suggest they party at LAX tonight, then adds that Brian is likely to be in attendance. Audrina disinterestedly murmurs, "That's interesting" and agrees that a night out at LAX sounds like a fabulous idea.
That evening, the Hills gang arrives at LAX and swiftly cuts to the front of the line. As Jordan and Heidi dorkishly bob their heads to the music, Brian tells Audrina he has an audition for a casting agent who's looking for "someone tall who can act", and she replies in her usual 'I can't stop smiling' way that he's a shoo-in. In the next scene, we see the silhouettes of Heidi and Brent Bolthouse over at the bar having a deep discussion about whether he's willing to give her a faux job in exchange for getting Bolthouse Productions regularly featured on The Hills. A few seconds later, Heidi rushes back to the table to excitedly announce that she scored a job interview with Brent, then explains that he plans celebrity parties, events, and owns a string of nightclubs. Jordan sourly asks if Brent is single [seems irrelevant, given Brent's dorkiness], and Heidi jokes that, yeah, she's been looking for a second boyfriend, then chides him and Brian for raining on her parade. Lauren reminds her that they have school in the morning, but Heidi's all 'whatevs', says she's staying out 'til 2am, then literally starts jumping up and down and wooting with excitement about her upcoming job interview. Lauren stares at her with dismay before announcing that she's heading home to get a good night's sleep.
The next morning, Lauren knocks on Heidi's bedroom door, barking at her to get up for their first day of school. When the two arrive on campus, Heidi says she already wants to cut her classes - while Lauren, on the other hand, dutifully shows up to hers.
Over at Casa Neanderthal, a bleary-eyed Brian complains about how exhausted he is from partying every night, then wonders what the gals are doing tonight. He grunts about how he'd really like to go on a double date with himself, him (Jordan), Heidi, and Audrina. Jordan cackles, "Of course you do!" and credits Heidi with being "like, the supreme person to hook up people".
Heidi takes a break from cutting class to call Audrina on her cell phone and dish about how Brian is totes into her. Audrina makes what looked to me like an ew face before describing her admirer as sweet, cute, nice and funny.
After class, Lauren finds Heidi sitting in a computer lounge chair in the FIDM student center. When she asks how her classes went, Heidi replies, "I didn't finish" ... and by didn't finish she means that after a half-hearted search she wasn't able to locate her art class and just decided to skip it altogether. As she mumbles, "Art is really lame", Lauren stares back at her incredulously and urges her to give FIDM more than one day. Or even a half day. Heidi pretends she's willing to do that, then wearily says she's ready to go home and have a nap.
Later, Heidi and Jordan stroll to an outdoor cafe, and the two cackle about him being so tired 'cause she wore him out last night. She tells him she had a hard day at school and knows she's not cut out for any kind of advanced learnin'...and that if she gets fake hired at Bolthouse Productions she'll drop out of FIDM, like yesterday. Jordan shrugs, points out how aimless he too is about his future employment prospects, and urges to drop out if that's what she really wants.
The next morning, Heidi breaks the news to Lauren that she's not attending class this morning since it conflicts with her Bolthouse interview, and says if Brent hires her, she'll drop out of FIDM. Lauren's all, "Wha-a-a?" and reminds her that the whole purpose of them moving to L.A. was to go to school together - but Heidi argues that getting a job at Bolthouse Productions is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that she doubts will ever come along again.
Later, in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney that she and her pals went to LAX last night, where Heidi met Brent Bolthouse and scored a job interview. She chuckles about how bad Heidi is at hiding her many shortcoming during interviews...and says this as though she didn't mumble through an unimpressive performance of her own with Lisa Love last episode.
Heidi arrives at Bolthouse Productions casually dressed in a white knit turtleneck and jeans. Brent starts off the interview by asking the standard 'why should I hire you?', so she touts herself as extremely hardworking and "won't quit until everything is, like, exactly the way you want it". Brent says he's looking to hire a second assistant who can keep the office organized, then claims that despite [faux] hiring a reality show cast member he hates drama and wants as little of it in his orbit as possible. Heidi chews on that tidbit while staring confusedly into space - until she finally mumbles, "Yeah, that's good to hear" ... and the camera pans over to Brent, who's barely able to keep from laughing out loud.
Heidi calls Lauren to let her know she got her dream job and is sooooo excited. She gushes about the awesome office she'll be working in and how she'll get a real lunch break, and Lauren half-heartedly congratulates her and sarcastically says, "Good for you. What could go wrong?" before snapping her phone shut, smirking over at Whitney and murmuring, "Weird." LOL. As Heidi stares confusedly at her phone and goes, "Lauren? Lauren?", Lauren starts singing 'Fashion school dropout' while Heidi tries to call her back - but then quickly gives up, puts her phone away, and sashays down the street.
Recap: Lauren is at her family home in Laguna Beach, stuffing her clothes into a big pink suitcase while voice-overing about how she's leaving this "small town with big drama" for a really big city with a whole lot more contrived drama as she studies fashion and lives with her BFF Heidi. She adds that she scored an interview for "a killer internship" with Teen Vogue, then tosses the pink suitcase in the back seat of her fancy BMW convertible and squeals off to L.A.: "the city where dreams come true".
After the opening credits with Natasha Bedingfield crooning Unwritten, Lauren arrives at Hillside Villas in West Hollywood and finds Heidi sunning herself by the pool. Heidi jumps up from her lounger, squeals, "Hiiiiiii!", and says she hasn't unpacked a single box 'cause she [is extremely lazy and] figured it should be a bonding experience for the two of them. Lauren says she really really wants to see her new digs, so the two scamper inside the complex so she can get her first look at their new home: a nondescript, unfurnished apartment that has one red wall and an impractical spiral staircase. Heidi asks Lauren what time her Teen Vogue interview is and, most importantly, how she plans to do her hair, and Lauren tells her the interview is at five o'clock and that she's going to do her hair normal. A few seconds later, someone from Teen Vogue calls to inform Lauren that the person interviewing her has an event tonight and needs her to come in twenty minutes. Lauren hangs up and puts her hand over her mouth as she fills Heidi in about her interviewer's inability to plan...and Heidi widens her eyes and snaps, "W-w-what?!" and stares back at her with her mouth agape. LOL. As Lauren rushes to the bathroom to change out of her distressed jeans and white tank top, Heidi asks her what look she's going for, and Lauren's like, "Uh, the getting-dressed-as-fast-as-I-can look" and throws on a sleek black dress, irons the skirt with her hair flattener, applies a thick layer of mascara around her eyes, and races out the door. Heidi unhelpfully yells after her, "I'll be by the pool if you need me!"
Lauren rushes over to Teen Vogue headquarters, heads up to the 12th floor, and is promptly shown to Lisa Love's spacious office. Lisa excuses herself to take a quick phone call, jots down some notes on her Vogue notepad, then asks Lauren why she wants to intern for Teen Vogue. Lauren mumbles that she's read the magazine for years, says, "Because, like, that's where I get ideas for everything I do", and adds that she likes how the magazine features a social issue that affects teens. Lisa asks her if she can write, and Lauren kind of winces before staring back at her blankly as she mumbles, "Yeah" ... and when Lisa prompts her by asking, "Good?", Lauren mutters that she enjoys writing.
Heidi and fellow Hillside Villas resident Audrina are giggling by the pool when a deflated looking Lauren returns home and gets introduced to Audrina. Lauren asks Heidi if she's unpacked any of their stuff yet, and Heidi says she's done fuck all all day 'cause she was too busy getting to know their new Hills castmate. She asks Lauren how the interview went, and Lauren shrugs and says she'll be sooooo bummed if she doesn't get the internship. Audrina smilingly says she's sure she'll get it - not least 'cause Lauren was actually featured on the cover of Teen Vogue around the time this episode aired - and Heidi tells Audrina she should start hanging with them, then shrieks, "You're adopted!"
The gals are out to dinner at the Geisha House with Jordan (Heidi's boneheaded boyfriend), David (some random friend of Lauren's I don't remember ever seeing again), and Brian (Jordan's boneheaded roommate). David tells everyone he normally works 40 hours/week, and Jordan looks horrified and says he doesn't like the idea of working for a living...and Brian concurs and says that he considers going out to fancy nightclubs his full time job. Lauren says she really really hopes that Teen Vogue calls her about her internship this week, then crosses her fingers as she says she hopes they don't leave her hanging.
Registration day at FIDM! Heidi tells Lauren she can't wait to go out on the town more, and Lauren reminds her that they're about to start school and probably won't be able to party every night. Heidi responds by making a blech face and says she can't wait to finish [the fashion degree she's about to bail on]. The Director of Admissions - Susan Aronson - comes out to greet the two and starts by inviting Lauren to come to her office for a gushy one-on-one. She compliments Lauren on her awesome grades and applauds her for landing an interview for a Teen Vogue internship. Lauren describes the opportunity to work for Teen Vogue as "like, that's the top", says she's looking forward to majoring in product development, and promises to devote all of her time and energy to her studies. When it's Heidi's turn for the one-on-one, she gigglingly tells Susan she never went to class or learned anything in high school, aspires to "do PR" and become "the fun PR girl in L.A. type of thing". Susan warns Heidi that it can take years of working in the industry to land a fun party planning type gig, and Heidi's all, "Wuh? It doesn't happen immediately?" Susan, who can barely hide her dismayed bafflement at Heidi's nitwittedness, asks her if she'd be willing to work retail, and Heidi's like, "Nope", then oddly insists that fashion is still her industry of choice. Susan asks her if she's absolutely sure she's in the right college, and Heidi unconvincingly says she's fairly certain she stumbled onto the appropriate campus.
Blaine from Teen Vogue calls Lauren to drag out the "suspense" of whether or not she's being given the internship by passing along some needless feedback about how agonizing it is for the Teen Vogue brass to choose an intern who has the requisite intelligence to answer a phone, address party invitations, and steam models' clothes at photo shoots. That said, Lisa thinks she has a lot of potential, feels she'd be a good match for the magazine, and decided it would be crazy to turn down the kind of exposure the magazine would get by being regularly featured on The Hills. Lauren excitedly accepts on the spot and is told that she starts tomorrow...and Heidi woots happily, then says, "What a frickin' relief."
The next day, Lauren arrives at Teen Vogue and is sitting in the waiting room when fellow intern Whitney arrives decked out in a pretty pink dress, accessorized with a thick brown belt and cowboy boots. The two are promptly shown to the closet office and told to sit at desks with large iMacs...and a few seconds later, Blaine and Olivia (an uptight fashion stylist) enter the room for a weird once-over of the gals' outfits. Blaine explains, "We always want to look our best for Lisa" ... and after Lauren and Whitney exchange the fuck? glances, Lauren is given a blueish jacket/shirt thing to wear over her sleeveless white top, while Whitney is chided for her "matchy matchy" Western-inspired attire and is given a new belt. The two are then deemed worthy to head over to Lisa Love's office for a lecture on the manner in which they're expected to comport themselves when they're on and off (!) the Teen Vogue clock, and are warned to never ever do anything that embarrasses the magazine.
Later, the Teen Vogue entertainment editor, Nicole, stops by the closet office to ask Lauren and Whitney to address a stack of invitations for the upcoming Young Hollywood party. The two gush delightedly at the celebrity guest list, and Lauren tells Whitney she hopes they get to attend.
While sunning themselves by the Hillside Villas pool, Lauren tells Heidi all about her first day interning, including the task of addressing the Young Hollywood party invitations. Heidi perks up at the mention of a party and asks if she can get her, Audrina, and their guy castmates in...but Lauren's like, "Uh, no", and makes it clear that she's not going to risk her internship by doing anything shady, aka sneaking a bunch of dimwitted interlopers into an exclusive Hollywood party. Heidi reacts by staring contemplatively into space with her brows furrowed and mutters, "Yeah.."
The next day at Teen Vogue, Lisa pops by the closet office to inform Lauren and Whitney that they'll be working at the Young Hollywood party: Whitney will be manning the door with a clipboard, while Lauren gets to stand around and "guard" a VIP seating area. Lisa emphasizes that they'll be working, aka not goofing off with their reality show friends or sitting down...then warns them that if she sees them "hanging out", they'll be gone. And by gone she means they'll get their hand slapped with a stern talking to followed by no further consequences.
Young Hollywood party! We get some exciting footage of celebrities - and I use the term loosely, given that I was only able to recognize Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie - arriving at the Roosevelt Hotel before the camera pans over to the VIP seating area, which Blaine is ordering Lauren to hover over so that no one sits there. Lauren gets a call on her cell from Heidi, who tells her that she brought the rest of The Hills cast and is counting on her to "sneak" them all in. Lauren's like seriously? then decides 'what could go wrong with brazenly disobeying Lisa's edict?' and tells Heidi to look for a tall blonde named Whitney at the door and introduce themselves as fellow Hills castmates [and point at the MTV camera crew filming their every move if she seems skeptical]. Whitney breezily waves them through...and after a quick walk on the red carpet past the paparazzi, Heidi rushes over to the VIP area and shrieks delightedly at the sight of Lauren - while Audrina, Jordan, and Brian make themselves comfortable on the VIP seats Lauren's supposed to be guarding from the riffraff. Lauren tells them she'll get into trouble if anyone from Teen Vogue happens to spot them sitting there...and they're all, "Yeah, we don't give a shit" and make no move to get up. Heidi wanders off to klatch with some guy named Jon-Paul, who tells her he's "shopping for a girlfriend" ... and when Heidi returns to the VIP area a few minutes later, Jordan admonishes her for always causing drama, then screeches about how Jon-Paul is trying to get in her pants. Heidi screeches back, "I didn't dooooo anything! Calm down!", to which Jordan responds by threatening to beat the guy's ass...and Blaine catches that last thing and stares over at them with his face scrunched disapprovingly. He asks Lauren whaddup with her friends' spectacle, so Lauren explains that as reality show cast members, they're expected to engage in a certain amount of arguing and misbehaving in public. She then points over at Heidi and Jordan, who have quickly made up and are now canoodling, and says, "See! It's all better." LOL. Lisa Love ambles over to stare incredulously at Lauren as she motions at the VIP area and asks, "And who are these people?" Lauren introduces everyone to an unimpressed Lisa, who sternly retorts, "Nobody should be sitting here yet. We'll talk about it on Monday." Yeesh. A stressed out Lauren barks, "Get up! Get up! Get up!" as Audrina asks if that's who she works for, then looks dismayed as she mumbles, "She got all mad." Whitney rushes over to ask Lauren if Lisa yelled at her, and the rest of the gang saunters off and leaves a distressed Lauren staring worriedly into space about her future as a Teen Vogue intern.