The Facts of Life - Season 9, Episode 5

"I'm really going to enjoy having full authority over you."

"Sweet Charity"
Original airdate: 11/7/1987

Episode summary: Jo finds unexpected employment at a community shelter.

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Recap: As Tootie, Natalie, and Blair eat breakfast, Jo announces that she's off to White Plains for a job interview. Blair grimaces before advising that she not ride her motorcycle 'cause of how disheveled she's sure to look once she arrives...and when Jo asks Blair if she can drive her luxury car, she's like, "Er no" and suggests she take a cab. Natalie takes pity on Jo and offers her the use of her beater, and Jo gratefully takes her up on it.

While en route to White Plains, Natalie's beater breaks down, stranding Jo - by scripted coincidence - in front of the Hudson Valley Community Shelter. She enters the building wanting to use the pay phone to call the job interviewer, but it's in use by a guy (Casey) who's demanding to speak to the mayor. When Jo asks him to wrap it up 'cause she desperately needs to make a call, he snarlingly tells her that as the person in charge of this shelter he has thirty-six people to feed and clothe...and therefore assumes that his phone call is way more important than her phone call. 

Jo returns home and tells the other Facts gals she didn't get the job 'cause she arrived too late for the interview after Natalie's car conked out on her. When Natalie makes a startled wuh? face, Jo tells her that Blair is going to drive her to where the car broke down with her tools and promises to get it back up and running asap. Beverly Ann enters the room clutching a disturbing note she found while rifling through Andy's underwear drawer. It's a steamy letter from the imp's new squeeze, Debbie, who refers to him as Andy cakes...and it's also an invitation to come over on Friday night, aka when her parents won't be home. Beverly Ann says she's inclined to forbid him from leaving the house in the foreseeable future - but the gals point out that she can't really do that without admitting that she was snooping in his underwear drawer. 
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Jo returns to the shelter, along with Blair, who's covered in grease after helping fix Natalie's car. Seems entirely out of character for her to have done that, but OK. Blair glances around the shelter with an ew expression while asking, "What is this place?", to which Jo replies, "Think of it as a country club for the poor." After Blair heads off to the bathroom to wash up, Jo runs into a preteen boy/shelter regular named Todd who begs Jo to not tattle to Casey that he hasn't yet gotten around to cleaning the filthy bathroom...then grumbles about how Casey's a meanie who's forcing him to wash his car. A few seconds later, Casey appears and snarlingly reminds Todd that he expects his car to be washed today...and after Todd dashes out, Jo chides Casey for being unnecessarily rough on a kid who clearly needs his help and compassion. Casey explains that the reason he's being such a dickwad towards Todd is 'cause Todd and his friends had a dirt fight near his car, and that it's the third time this has happened...and when a sheepish Jo's all, "Oops, I didn't know", Casey sanctimoniously tells her there's a lot that goes on in this shelter that she has zero knowledge of.

"Todd and his friends were so bored that they had a dirt fight near my car."

"That's some pretty extreme boredom."

An icked out Blair emerges from the bathroom and tells Jo she wants to vacate this dump immediately. Jo tells her she has some unfinished business to resolve and says to go on home without her...and Blair gives her a grateful cheek kiss (hmm mmm) before beating a hasty retreat.

Jo apologizes to Casey for jumping to the wrong conclusion - but adds, in her defence, that he cost her a job when he refused to let her use the pay phone yesterday. Casey expresses some regret 'bout that, then says that if she's looking for job, she need look no further than this community shelter. Jo gently tells him that this run-down shit-hole isn't exactly what she had in mind ['cause, um, didn't she major in something resembling computer science at Langley?], so Casey snappishly rails about how she's no doubt looking for something upscale that doesn't require her to get her hands dirty. Jo snappishly rejoins, "I'm in!" just to prove that she's nowhere near above getting her hands dirty, so Casey's like, "You're hired!", then hands her a clipboard and sends Todd her way when he suddenly bursts in to complain that 1) some idiot just tipped over the dumpster, and 2) girls are throwing water balloons at him.

As Andy natters on the phone with Debbie, Beverly Ann continues to wring her hands about the steamy love note she found in his underwear drawer. Jo, meanwhile, cheerily joins the Facts gals for breakfast and waxes on about how happy she is to have found such a great job...then asks if any of them can spare $10 'cause she hasn't yet received her pay check and promised Todd that she'd take him to a museum. Tootie and Natalie tell her they have no cash to spare...and when Jo and Blair get into a back-and-forth about whether or not it's a cop-out for rich people to do little more than throw cash at charities, Blair points out that without rich people (such as herself) who write big checks to nonprofit organizations, lowly grunts (such as Jo) wouldn't be help the homeless or hapless. She then hands Jo a $10 bill.

Andy asks for permission to sleep over at Jeremy's house tonight, and Beverly Ann tentatively says it's fine with her - but only if she verifies with Jeremy's mom that it's OK. When Andy insists that it's definitely OK with her, Beverly Ann asks if, by chance, he's planning to see Debbie tonight...and when Andy doesn't respond, she lets it slip how disturbing she finds it that his hot-to-trot girlfriend refers to him as Andy cakes. Andy stares at her in shocked bewilderment as it sinks in that she must have read Debbie's love note, then snarkishly says he can't trust her anymore before huffily exiting the room.

"After snooping in your underwear drawer, I became disturbingly aware that your horny little girlfriend calls you Andy cakes."

"I am now going to go crawl under a rock and stay there forever."

Back at the Hudson Valley Community Shelter, Jo banters with a shelter resident named Jackie before giving her her personal phone number in case she ever needs any help when she's out on the streets. Once Jackie is out of earshot, Casey warns Jo that giving out her phone number to shelter residents isn't such a good idea 'cause it might interfere with her "me time" on the weekends. Jo changes the subject to her pay check...and instead of answering, Casey remarks on how much she seems to enjoy this job. Jo presses him again about getting paid for services rendered and tells him she desperately needs the cash, so he's forced to sheepishly admit that he can't actually afford to pay her, explaining, "It's hand-to-mouth around here" ... and that sometimes he's able to hustle people into donating, but that this has been a particularly lousy week. An unamused Jo tells him he should have been straight with her about the shelter's dire financial situation 'cause, like most people, she has to actually work for a living...and Casey agrees, but says that that type of honesty makes it nearly impossible to attract quality employees. As a dismayed Jo heads towards the exit, Casey bitterly challenges her to get a cushy job so she can soon forget that she did anything that matters...and in response she tells Todd that they're off to the museum now, then shoots Casey the stink-eye when she adds that her promises mean something.

"So...about my pay check."

"OK, so...when I hired you, I neglected to mention the slight problem of having zero cash to ever meet payroll."

Tootie tells Andy that Beverly Ann is very upset that he's refusing to speak to her, and in response Andy mutters, "She should be" and grumbles about her being a snooping busybody. Tootie points out that she's actually acting more like a mother, and that he should be thanking his lucky stars he has someone who cares about him, even if she does read aloud his love notes to the entire Facts cast. A red-faced Andy's all, "Say wha-a-a-at?", but Tootie irritably tells him to grow up before stomping upstairs. A few seconds later, Beverly Ann enters the room to tell Andy that she's allowing him to spend the night with Jeremy after all and apologizes for doubting him - but explains that it's largely 'cause she's so new at this 'being a mother' thing. Andy stares sheepishly into space for a few seconds before confessing that Jeremy is away for the weekend visiting his grandparents and that he was secretly planning on spending the night at Debbie's. Beverly Ann's all, "Say wha-a-at?" and promptly grounds him for the rest of eternity, but then decides it's probably an ideal opportunity for her to give him the "birds and the bees" talk.

Jo returns home and tells Blair that she can't pay her back the $10 she loaned her this morning 'cause she didn't get her pay check on account of the shelter is broke and will likely shut down unless they get an immediate infusion of $1500 to keep the lights on. Blair reminds Jo about how she mocked her earlier for being a rich person who "cops out" when all she does is write big checks for charities...and Jo is forced to back pedal her snarkitude as she wistfully remarks on all the people who rely on the shelter, then asks Blair to pretty please write a check so that it can stay open...and Blair says she'd be happy to do so.

Jo returns to the shelter to deliver the check to Casey, who happily informs her that he's going to be able to make payroll for the foreseeable future 'cause a big foundation just awarded the shelter with a ginormous donation. Jo asks, "Who is this Santa Claus?" [gee, I wonder] - just as Blair appears at the landing of the staircase overlooking the office and quips, "Ho ho ho!" before telling Casey that she'd like to install some fancy window treatments. As a perplexed Jo is all, "Wha-a-at is going onnnnn?", Blair explains that buying up commercial real estate in depressed areas is actually a sound investment for the Warner Foundation, then devilishly adds, "And how could I pass up the chance to be your boss?"

Hmm mmm..

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