Recap: Tootie and Natalie are in the kitchen, cooking up a storm for a double-date dinner to celebrate Jeff and Snake finally being in Peekskill the same weekend. Tootie dreamily says she looks forward to the four of them always hanging out together, and their future kids playing together...and Natalie's all 'whoa, Nellie' and says she can't guarantee that she and Snake are even going to get married, much less have kids together. Andy enters the kitchen and says he heard that Jeff has four tickets to the upcoming Springsteen concert and is somehow under the illusion that he's going to be invited to attend, and Tootie chuckles and says that she, Jeff, Natalie, and Snake are going to be using the tickets. Andy's like, "Er, OK" ... then says that in the likelihood that one of the four gets sick from their wretched cooking and needs a stomach pump, he'd like to be alerted when a concert ticket is suddenly freed up.
Jo comes home in a terrible mood...and when a sympathetic Blair says in her little girl voice, "Come tell mommy where it hurts" (OMFG?), Jo tells her she paid a mechanic $200 to fix her motorcycle, but that it's still running lousy...and because she's acting uncharacteristically meek in this episode about how to react to someone who's screwing her over, she's at a total loss about what recourse to take. Blair suggests that at the very least she stop payment of her check, and Jo snappishly retorts that she already did that 'cause any idiot would know to do that in this type of sitch...but once Blair is safely out of earshot, Jo calls the bank to ask how one might go about stopping payment on a check.
Snake arrives for the double-date dinner and warmly greets Tootie and Natalie...and a few seconds later, Jeff arrives with a bouquet of flowers, notices that Snake showed up flower-less, and decides to sanctimoniously pronounce, "That's what guys do when they come to dinner, right?" As Natalie gives Snake a reassuring hug, Tootie suggests they all sit down together and chat. Jeff remarks on the ratty old convertible he saw parked near the house and asks if it belongs to a new neighbor, and Snake's like, "Uh no, that's my car." [Strike two, Jeff.] Jeff changes the subject to a recent football game, and Snake shakes his head derisively and says that football is too violent a sport for his liking...and when Jeff insists football is a great game, Snake sneers, "You call a business where guys bash each other's heads in to make money for their millionaire bosses a game?" An anxious Tootie calls for Pippa to bring in the appetizers right now, and the superfluous Aussie rushes in to serve the foursome a plate of cheese puffs before curtseying (LOL) and exiting the room. Jeff asks Snake which school he went to, and Snake replies, "High...as in high school", and Jeff says that he attends Penn State before imperiously adding that college isn't for everyone...which sounded pretty darn condescending and uppity for a guy who didn't know how to read four seasons ago. Snake cattily counters says that he didn't feel the need to hide out in a college for four years before facing the real world...and DING! DING! DING!, I call the first round of this contrived verbal diarrhoea match for Snake.
Andy enters the room to serve the couple glasses of cider and to inquire about an available Springsteen ticket. Jeff's like, "No can do" - just as Jo's mechanic (Ralph) drops by to complain about the stopped payment on her $200 check. Jo points out that he didn't provide the service he promised, and an exasperated Tootie asks them if they wouldn't mind haggling about this in the kitchen so that Jeff and Snake can continue passive-aggressively sniping at each other in peace.
Natalie explains to everyone that Jo paid Ralph to fix her motorcycle, which he failed to adequately do...and Jeff shakes his head and says that mechanics are a bunch of thieves who rob people blind. Snake says he takes issue with that blanket accusation 'cause a lot of his friends are mechanics and he knows first-hand that they're mostly working stiffs who do a tough job. Jeff argues that mechanics always charge a fortune for doing nothing, and Snake points out that there are lazy jerks in all lines of work...then bitchily tells Jeff that he'd know that if he had ever actually been in the workforce. Ouch. But fair point.
Jo tells Ralph she'll pay him if/when he fixes her motorcycle to her satisfaction...and Blair interjects herself into the conversation to inform Ralph about the legal implications of violating a two-party contract. Ralph insists that he fixed the bike to the best of his ability...and when Blair tells him that Jo can always take her money and bike to a different, better mechanic, he threatens to take Jo to court. After he storms out, Blair puts a protective arm around Jo (hmm mmm) as she tells her that this is precisely why she's studying to become a lawyer: to help the downtrodden, poor, and unfortunate. Jo responds by grumbling, "Stick a sock in it."
While sniping about the merits of the college-educated versus the working class, Jeff haughtily asks Snake if he's ever read a book, then complains to Tootie that "the man's an intellectual munchkin". Snake, who's quickly tiring of the insults to his intelligence from a guy who didn't know how to read four seasons ago, says he's outa here and tells Natalie he'll see her tomorrow. Jeff tells Tootie that he too is in need of some cooling off after needlessly acting like a pompous arse towards Snake and is going to bail on dinner - but promises to pick her up tomorrow night for the Springsteen concert. Once he's out of earshot, Natalie tells Tootie she's surprised that the two men didn't immediately hit it off...and Tootie, who reminds her that she's about to marry Jeff [despite him being such a pompous arse], anxiously cries, "What are we going to dooooooo?!"
The next evening, Natalie and Tootie are primping for the Springsteen concert and bickering about why each of their boyfriends isn't to blame for the bad blood between them. A few seconds later, Jeff arrives and tells Tootie he's putting last night behind him...and when Snake arrives, he growls, "Great, the weasel is here." Tootie says she's not into the idea of going to a concert with two warring men and tells Jeff she'd much prefer to go see the new movie Once Upon a Murderer. Natalie says, in that case, she and Snake will go see Springsteen without them - just as Andy and Pippa bound into the room and inquire about any available Springsteen tickets. Jeff hands them the tickets, much to Snake's annoyance 'cause he has zero interest in hanging with a couple of kids all evening, but then gets revenge against Jeff by revealing the shocking spoiler in Once Upon a Murderer. Haha!
The next morning at breakfast, Tootie tells Jo to trust in the legal system to settle her conflict with Ralph before getting into another bickerfest with Natalie about the hatred brewing between their fellas...which she fails to acknowledge is mostly due to Jeff's instigation. Tootie decrees that, from now on, Jeff will pick her up for dates from their home, while she (Natalie) can meet up with Snake "at whatever restaurant will let him in". An incensed Natalie proposes the reverse...and when Jo yells at them to shut the fuck up about this already tiresome feud, Tootie meekly agrees that they will both meet their fellas at different restaurants.
Beverly Ann wishes Jo well for her big day in court - just as Blair enters the kitchen with her briefcase. She suggests they do a dry run in order to rehearse the court proceedings, and Jo mumbles about how desperately she now wishes she hadn't gotten her into this. Blair gives her a pep talk about how she needs to stand up to Ralph, 'cause if she doesn't he'll just screw over other customers...then advises her to not blurt stuff out when they're in court like the way she keeps doing during this dry run rehearsal. A few seconds later, Ralph drops by and proposes they settle the matter out of court for $100, meaning that he'll fix her motorcycle for half his regular price. Jo snarls, "Forget it" and tells Blair that she's newly inspired to protect Ralph's future customers from his negligent service.
When Jeff arrives to pick up Tootie for a date, Natalie pulls her aside and reminds her that they agreed to not meet their fellas at the house - just as Snake arrives to pick her up. The two women start sniping about how neither of them had any intention of keeping their word about getting picked up for dates away from the house...and eventually the couples head out separately. A few seconds later, Natalie returns for her coat at the same time Tootie returns for her purse. Natalie solemnly asks, "What are we doing?" and Tootie's like, "Dunno" and points out that they've never fought over the men in their lives before. They apologize and hug it out, then summon Jeff and Snake into the room to, for once and for all, resolve their differences. Tootie reminds them that she and Natalie are best friends...and that regardless of how much they dislike each other, they need to at least be civil. Jeff and Snake decide that they're capable of that and amiably shake on it.
Jo returns home from her day at court and announces that she won her case and does not have to pay Ralph for services not rendered. Blair hands her an invoice detailing the costs of her legal advice ($500!) ... but when Jo snarls at her for not mentioning charging her until now, she hastily agrees to retroactively consider it pro bono work. Snake grumbles about how the blue collar guy got shafted yet again, and an exasperated Jeff rolls his eyes and mumbles, "Don't start."
Yes, please don't.
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