The Facts of Life - Season 8, Episode 8

"Turns out I don't".

"The Wedding Day"
Original airdate: 11/22/1986

Episode summary: Jo agrees to faux marry her illegal immigrant friend Enrico to keep him in the U.S. - until she gets wind of it being a two year commitment.

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Recap: George Clooney (!) drops by Over Our Heads to say hey and to tell Natalie and Blair that he hasn't appeared on any episodes lately 'cause he's been on a construction crew that's putting up a new apartment building. Jo enters the room carrying a picnic basket and announces that she's off for another tutoring session/picnic with her illegal immigrant friend Enrico Quinterez, who, incidentally, is on the same construction crew as George Clooney. Natalie wonders aloud if there's more dating than tutoring going on between them - but Jo denies it and insists that they're just friends, and George Clooney confirms that and says he loooooves it when the three of them hang out together. A few seconds later, Enrico arrives at Over Our Heads to pick Jo up, and bitches about how his motorcycle never seems to run properly - except whenever it's in the presence of Jo. Mmm hmm..

Later, Blair takes what's clearly a disturbing phone message...and when everyone's all, "Wha-a-a-at is going onnnnn?!", Blair blabs that Jo's doctor just called to tell her that her blood test was fine, and that she can go ahead and get married. Seems like a brazen breach of doctor-patient confidentiality, but OK. Blair assumes that Jo and Enrico are planning to elope, while Tootie and Natalie wonder if Jo could be pregnant...despite Facts of Life not yet airing its very special episode centering around the first Facts gal (Natalie) to officially get her cherry popped. Beverly Ann chimes in and suggests that maybe Jo is deeply in love with Enrico.

When Jo returns home, the other Facts gals stare at her expectantly...and when she asks them why they're all acting so weird, Natalie smilingly asks her if she and Enrico happened to make any future plans while they were picnicking. Jo pretends to look bemused by the question - until Blair finally comes right out and tells her her doctor called to tell her her blood test is fine and that she can go ahead and get married. Jo's like, "OK, thanks" and scampers upstairs. LOL.

"Do you have something naughty you'd like to confess?"

"Not to either of you."

The Facts gals follow Jo upstairs and demand to know whassup, so Jo tells them it's none of their business...but then explains that Enrico can only continue to remain in the U.S. legally if he marries an American citizen. For some inane reason, Jo is under the impression that the marital union only needs to last a few days in order to give Enrico the chance to apply for citizenship...and within a couple of weeks they'll get a divorce and forever be done with the faux marriage. She also reveals that George Clooney knows about the situation and has misinformed her about how a lot of people get briefly fake married in order to help out their illegal alien friends.

George Clooney drops by with Enrico in tow and reports that an INS agent was recently at the construction site, asking questions about Enrico's immigration status. A worried Enrico asks Jo if they could move up the wedding date, and Jo says they can do it first thing tomorrow morning at City Hall. Blair points out that not only is a City Hall wedding blech, it'll look to the authorities like "a sham, hurry up wedding" ... and Jo's like, "That's exactly what this is", but then concedes that if the wedding takes place in their residence, it'll appear more legitimate. She then decrees that there are to be no wedding guests, no lace wedding gown, and nothing stupid in her hair...and in the next scene we see that she's dressed head-to-toe in a lace wedding gown with a white flower/ribbon thing in her hair. LOL.

"I'm very adamant about not.."

"..wearing anything lacy or having a flower stuck in my hair."

When Jo complains that she's drowning in mounds of vintage lace, Beverly Ann explains that her grandmother's/mother's lace wedding gown is the best bridal get-up she could come up with within such tight time constraints. A few seconds later, the Justice of the Peace arrives to perform the ceremony...and Natalie delegates George Clooney best man and Andy the bride-giver-awayer. Enrico gushes about how lovely Jo looks in the hideous lace dress...and as everyone takes their places and Beverly Ann starts playing The Wedding March on the piano, the doorbell rings.

INS Agent Arnold Jensen breezes in and says that word on the street is that a wedding's about to go down...and that he's inviting himself to hang around and intimidate the bride and groom. He tells Natalie he hopes Jo realizes that she needs to stay married to Enrico for two years before he's eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship...and that during those two years, he's going to make their lives as miserable as possible with constant check-ins and embarrassing inquisitions.
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As the Justice of the Peace commences the ceremony, Natalie rushes into the store part of the building and phones the living room phone. When Blair answers, Natalie tells her about the two year waiting period to which Jo is unwittingly committing herself...and Blair's like, "Uh huh" and tells Jo the call is for her. Jo takes the call, pretends it's her father on the other end, and does her best to not register a reaction when Natalie tells her about the two year marriage commitment. Jo then hangs up the phone and announces that the wedding is being postponed for an hour 'cause her father just got a flat tire. As the Facts gals flee upstairs, Agent Jensen correctly assumes that there isn't going to be a wedding after all, not least 'cause he suspects that Natalie tipped Jo off about the two year commitment to stay married to Enrico before he can apply for U.S. citizenship. A visibly dismayed Enrico's like, "Two years?" - LOL...subtle, Enrico - as the Justice of the Peace heads back to City Hall and George Clooney refuses to allow Agent Jensen to physically detain Enrico. 

"You're going to have to stay married to Jo for two years before you're eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship."

"That's about twenty-three months longer than I thought it would take."

Beverly Ann implores Agent Jensen to consider the plight of the pilgrims, who had a dream for a better life, then natters about how America is essentially a country of immigrants. When she begs him to pleeeeease give Jo and Enrico more time to decide their next move, Agent Jensen throws up his hands, says he doesn't have the heart for this job, and announces he's giving them all an hour to sort themselves out.

Beverly Ann rushes upstairs and lets Jo know that she has an hour to decide if she wants to proceed with becoming Mrs. Enrico Quinterez or simply give up on the idea of entering into a sham marriage. Jo admits that she doesn't love the idea of being in a faux marriage for the next two years, and Beverly Ann wanks her about how she did everything possible to help Enrico...even though all she really did was believe George Clooney's nonsense about how she only needed to stay married to him for a few days so that he could secure citizenship.

Jo returns to the living room and sheepishly tells Enrico they need to talk, and he tells her she really doesn't need to say anything 'cause he too has been enlightened about the two year waiting period. He tells her he's letting her off the hook, apologizes for putting her through this kind of turmoil, and thanks her for being a true friend to him. He tells her he's enjoyed their tutoring picnics, puts on some Latin music so that he and his non-bride can enjoy a quick non-wedding day dance, then chastely kisses her cheek before bidding a farewell 'hasta la vista, Jo'. Jo suddenly decides this isn't the way she wants Enrico's American dream to end and urges him to hang around long enough for her and the other Facts gals to come up with a half-baked plan in order to keep him in the country, then rushes upstairs.

Later, Jo rushes back downstairs to tell him she's formulated a plan - but by this time Enrico has vanished after leaving her a note which says he's turning himself in so that she doesn't have to break the law, and that one day he'll find a way to return to America...but in the meantime has left her a gift by the fence. As Agent Jensen's car squeals off, Jo goes outside and is visibly saddened and moved to see that Enrico has left behind his motorcycle and helmet.

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