The Facts of Life - Season 8, Episode 22

"I just assumed that the Dean of Admissions would be begging me to attend his law school."

"This is Only a Test"
Original airdate: 4/18/1987

Episode summary: Blair pulls an all-nighter study session in an attempt to get into law school.

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Recap: Tootie and Natalie announce to everyone (sans Blair) that they found a great spa location for a fun weekend getaway...and Jo checks out the brochure and grumbles about having zero desire to sit in mud. Beverly Ann explains that the mud is used to excise the toxins from the body - but Jo insists that she's still not interested and highly doubts that Blair would be either. She then predicts that Blair will pretend to be interested in going to the spa - before she comes up with an outlandish excuse to get out of it.

A few seconds later, Blair enters the room, and the other Facts gals tell her about their weekend spa plans. Blair looks over the brochure, makes inscrutable clucking noises, but then says she can't go 'cause she'll be taking a law school admissions test on Saturday. Jo chuckles and says that this is exactly the kind of outlandish excuse she was expecting from her, but Blair insists that she really, truly, actually is planning to go to law school and didn't want to say anything before now 'cause she was afraid they'd all laugh at her for planning to work for a living. The others are all, "Wuh?" and tell her they're proud of her ambition, and Blair blushingly says she wants to make her rich family proud when she becomes the first Warner woman to earn a law degree.

Blair is in the communal bedroom, selecting an outfit in advance of a visit from Langley's Law School Dean of Admissions...'cause, sure, it's realistic that a dean would personally come to a student's house to discuss their application. Jo hands her a gift in celebration of her career decision...and when Blair unwraps it and sees that it's an LSAT study guide, she gushes about what a lovely thought it is. And that if she were planning on actually preparing for the exam, she'd totally use it. Jo stares at her incredulously and goes, "You're not studying?!", and Blair breezily says she has all the natural ability necessary to bluff her way into law school...and if that somehow proves inadequate, her rich family has the cash to buy her a spot. She nonsensically adds that it'd be unfair to all the people aspiring to attend law school if someone as privileged and rich such as herself studied and bought her way in, and Jo scrunches her face in bewilderment at that unfollowable logic and says she never quite thought about a law school entrance exam in that way.

"A bribe from my rich family is the back-up plan to my refusal to study for the entrance exam."

"Makes sense."

Beverly Ann tells Andy to get packed for the spa weekend - just as Blair comes downstairs in a sharp looking blazer and skirt ensemble for her interview with the dean. She then litters the room with newspaper articles featuring her family's philanthropic gifts to Langley College, which...subtle, Blair.  

When the dean arrives, Blair gushes about how much she's been looking forward to their chat, and motions at all of the Warner family-centric newspaper articles that have been carefully strewn about the room. The dean wryly makes it clear how little a rat's ass he give 'bout any of that and reviews her law school application, noting that her grades are satisfactory, she has a full resume of extracurricular activities, and impressive recommendations from a senator and governor. As Blair blushes immodestly, the dean adds that they're just waiting on her LSAT score, which needs to be at least 42 (on a scale of 48). Blair's smug smile quickly fades as she offers him coffee, tea, funding for a new library - and he sternly warns that he doesn't take kindly to bribes, and makes clear that a student's financial status is never a consideration for admission into law school, and that a lot of students have a deep desire to attend Langley Law School who have her grades and great LSAT scores. He adds that it's fairly standard for people to study for the test at least three months in advance...and after he leaves and is out of hearing range, Blair slumps against the door and makes a tortured oooooooh noise.

"You have to actually earn your spot in Langley College's law school."

"Come again?"

Blair is on the phone, desperately searching for a crash LSAT course she can take...and Tootie overhears her conversation and makes a beeline over to the communal bedroom to report to Jo that Blair desperately needs their help. Jo magnanimously tells Tootie to enjoy her spa weekend and promises to help Blair study for the LSAT...and when Tootie exits the room, Jo grins evilly into space.

Jo tells Blair that she's going to return to LSAT book she tried to gift her, and Blair's all, "Ack!" and offers to return it for her...and the two grab the book from each other until Blair finally admits that she needs it to prepare for the entrance exam after all. She then self-piteously laments the burden of having to study alone, and Jo offers to give her a hand with that.

Jo begins the study session by reading various riddle-type questions from the LSAT book, and Blair just stares confusedly into space and doesn't make any attempt to apply her non-existent logic skills and respond.

Later, an exhausted Blair is laying face down on her bed while Jo continues to read questions from the study guide. Blair decides that she's had enough, no longer wants to attend law school, and is going to go to sleep now. Jo just shrugs and goes downstairs to watch TV.

Blair follows Jo downstairs, is all 'the fuck?', and tells her that this is the part where she's supposed to give her a pep talk. Jo rolls her eyes and offers up a few platitudes about not giving up on your dreams no matter what, and Blair scrunches her face in dissatisfaction and chides her for the weak effort. An irritated Jo then blurts out that she's a shallow, lazy nitwit who's never had to struggle for anything in her entire life...and Blair's like, "That's more like it!" - LOL - and adds that when the dean told her that her family's wealth didn't mean anything to him, it made her want to get into law school without her daddy's cash. She then blurts out the correct answer to one of the LSAT riddle-type questions Jo asked her earlier, and Jo looks impressed and decides that she's game to continue on with the all-night study session. 

"Go get 'em. Don't be a quitter. Aim for the stars."

"That pep talk needs a lot more pep."

The next morning, Blair returns home after taking the LSAT, and sneaks into the living room, where Jo is fast asleep on the sofa chair. Blair slips onto the couch and is pretending to be asleep when Jo wakes up, sees Blair, and panics when she assumes that she overslept and missed the LSAT - until she notices that Blair is wearing different clothes from the night before. Blair chuckles and assures her she got up in time and that the test went fairly well - but that if her score isn't high enough to get her into law school, she'll just take it again. And maybe actually study properly. Jo smiles approvingly and says, "Sounds like a plan", and asks for a heartfelt thank you for staying up all night, studying - but an exhausted Blair just closes her eyes and mumbles something incoherent as Jo tenderly covers her with a blanket. Mmm hmm..

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