The Facts of Life - Season 7, Episode 17

"Your job is to convince people that you're a royal duchess/life-saving doctor who owns the Phil Harmonic."

"The Reunion"
Original airdate: 2/1/1986

Episode summary: George uses Jo (and Blair) to make an old crush jealous when he attends his high school reunion.

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Recap: The Facts gals are sorting through the Peekskill High memorabilia they have in stock for the school's upcoming reunion when Andy rushes into the store clutching George Clooney's yearbook. He and the gals cackle over the lustful messages written by various female classmates who signed his Peekskill High yearbook, then chuckle heartily at the photo of a sideburns-sporting young George. George enters the store a few seconds later, chides Andy for showing the Facts gals his yearbook, and declares he's no longer planning to attend his high school reunion on account of his date cancelled on him...and he can't bring himself to face Belinda Michaels (aka the girl he crushed on and only got snubbed in return) without a blonde goddess on his arm to make her seethe with jealousy. Blair blushes and mutters, "Now don't rope me into this" ... but then decides she could use the opportunity to don a formal gown she's been meaning to break in. George perks up at that and is all, "Really..?" and Blair says that if his motive for revenge is based on the kind of shallow vindictiveness she suspects it is, then, yep, she's totes on board.

"I want to get revenge on the girl who never gave me the time of day in high school."

"I wholeheartedly condone a motive that's rooted in that level of insecure childishness."

On reunion night, Blair descends the staircase decked out in a stylishly poofy black '80s gown - just as a dork named Jonathan arrives to escort her to the Governor's Ball. Blair stares back at him in perplexed horror before dashing into the coat closet (?), then pulls Jo in with her (mmm hmm) to confess that she completely forgot about her promise to Jonathan over a month ago to be his date for the Governor's Ball. When the two emerge from the closet, Blair decides to keep her word to Jonathan and leaves a phone message with George's father saying she can't make the reunion with him after all. Jo's all, "The fuck?" and asks how she could so callously dump George, and a mildly sheepish Blair says she'd somehow feel worse leaving Jonathan in the lurch, then runs out the door when the dork rudely honks his car horn at her. 

Jo tells Natalie and Tootie that Blair had unwittingly booked two dates for the same evening and has left her to explain it to poor George. Tootie and Natalie are like, "Oh, bummer", then proceed to ogle photos of the more attractive boys in George's high school yearbook.

George arrives at the Over Our Heads residence decked out in a three-piece suit, and Natalie and Tootie wank him about how stunning he is and therefore doesn't actually need a date. He chuckles and asks where Blair is, and Tootie breaks it to him that Blair isn't coming - just as Jo lumbers down the staircase with her mullet looking more softly coiffed than usual and wearing a sparkly black dress she found in Blair's closet. George gushes about how great she looks, and Jo says that while she's not a blonde goddess, she's more than happy to fill in as his reunion date, and George is like, "Kewl!" and hands her a stack of notes that detail her phony life history in case his ex-classmates ask her where she's from and how they met. He adds that since the reunion is taking place in a Swiss restaurant he'd like her to "speak Swiss" to the waiters...and when Jo wryly tells him that no such language exists, he deadpans, "Can you yodel?" and Jo somehow refrains from responding with a firm yodel-ay-hee-no.

"I know you were expecting a blonde goddess.."

"That's OK. A mannish brunette will do in a pinch."

George arrives at the reunion with Jo, who's nervously trying to memorize the fake bio notes. They check in with Howie, universally known as Peekskill High's biggest loudmouth, to whom George introduces his "fiancee" as Whitney Worthington, aka a royal duchess. As a dismayed Jo's all, "The fuck? I'm a duchess now?", Howie looks humbled to be in the presence of royalty, then quickly roams around the room to spread the gossip.

A heavyset friend named Crusher wanders over to give George a giant bear hug, and George brags about how his home supply store chain has turned him into a business magnate...in, uh, Canada, which is probably why no one in Peekskill has ever heard of it. He then decides that his duchess fiancee is also a musician - prompting Jo to stammer that she owns the Phil Harmonic - then puts his foot in his mouth when he reminisces about a slutty gal named Doreen he used to meet up with in the locker room before Crusher stonily informs him that Doreen is now his wife.

When it girl Belinda Michaels makes her grand entrance, Jo remarks on how gorgeous she is. George instructs Jo to act as if she adores him, then gives her a forcible Hollywood type kiss while traveling across the floor so that they can "accidentally" bump into Belinda. He introduces her to "Whitney", and Belinda reverently says she heard all about his royal fiancee and addresses Jo as 'Your Grace'. When George asks how her life is going, she breezily says it's fine and that her husband is on a business trip...then politely listens as George bloviates about the fictional account of how he and "Whitney" met: during a safari in Timbuktu when she administered a life-saving treatment after he fell ill. Belinda says she's genuinely happy for them, curtsies to Jo, and ambles off. Jo remarks on what a truly nice woman Belinda appears to be, but George scoffs and says she enjoyed torturing teenage boys with her hot popularity, then wonders aloud if she ever regretted never agreeing to go out with him.

"Me and this doctor/duchess/musician are getting hitched."

"I wish you and your implausible fiancee all the happiness in the world."

Belinda wanders over to Jo for an amicable chat, and the two agree that high school reunions can be very weird. Belinda reveals that she had a major crush on George Clooney during senior year, but never acted on it 'cause the boy-whore was simultaneously dating three of her gal pals at the time. She confides that her ex-husband looks a lot like George - but ended up being an annoying workaholic who never quite had the youthful spirit that embodies George. A few seconds later, George steers Jo onto the dance floor, where Jo fills him in about how Belinda crushed on him in high school and even married a guy (she's now split from) who looked a lot like him. She then points out the painfully obvious: that he could have just attended this reunion without making a total arse of himself by lying about having a fiancee who's a doctor/duchess/Phil Harmonic owner, and George stares despondently into space as he acknowledges how badly he screwed the pooch while trying to Belinda's heart. Again.

Jo stops Belinda as she's about to exit the restaurant and announces that she just turned down George's proposal 'cause she'd rather not lose her royal perks by marrying a commoner...then is all, "Oh by the way, George really likes you." She then urges George to dance with Belinda...and as Belinda and George get re-re-acquainted on the dance floor, Blair bursts in and brashly introduces herself to Belinda as George's fiancee before covertly explaining to Jo that she arranged for Jonathan to be shoved into the trunk of his car so she could flee the Governor's Ball. Seems like kind of an extreme action, but OK. Jo updates her on Situation George and Belinda - just as Natalie and Tootie arrive as faux Peekskill High alums to needlessly confuse the situation further. The four attempt to hatch a ridiculous story that could explain how George came to have two fiancees - but Belinda tells them it isn't necessary 'cause George has finally come clean about everything. And since she's opted to not run screaming in the opposite direction, she invites the four Facts gals to join her and George for coffee...and Jo looks into the idea, but swiftly declines when she spots George shaking his head in horror at the prospect. LOL.
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A disheveled Jonathan stumbles into the restaurant after being locked in his trunk, and Blair's all, "Ack!" and ducks under the nearest table.

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