The Facts of Life - Season 7, Episode 15

"So...how would I go about blending in as a Facts gal?"

"Stakeout"
Original airdate: 1/11/1986

Episode summary: The Facts gals help a good looking police detective conduct an impromptu stakeout inside their store.

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Recap: Mrs. Garrett is bustling around the store, doing some last minute packing before she jets off to her sister's place to cheer her up after her recent divorce. She frets about leaving the Facts gals on their own, but they assure her they'll be fine, given that they're four fully grown women...and Mrs. Garrett decides she's OK leaving them alone for a few days before heading out to pick up her dry cleaning.

A good looking man wanders into Over Our Heads and introduces himself to the gals as Detective Scott from the Peekskill Police Department and says he's been tipped off about an illegal transaction that, word on the street, is supposed to go down in their shop later today. Blair's all, "Wuh?" and says that their shop isn't "that type of place", but Scott points out that it's in a convenient location and attracts a large spectrum of the public, so is therefore the perfect venue for shady dealings. He adds that he has photo IDs of the buyers and is hoping they don't mind it if he stakes out the store so he can arrest the unsuspecting perps once the goods are exchanged. When Natalie and Tootie express horror at being thrust in the middle of a police action, Scott assures them that there's nothing to worry about and urges them to discuss it with Blair and Jo. The gals have a quick huddle, during which Tootie worries that a gunfight could deflate their largely inflatable inventory - LOL - while Jo says they should fulfill their civic duty and help the hot cop. When the vote looks to be a tie, Blair abstains from voting so that Mrs. Garrett doesn't have to be brought in as the tie-breaker, and Jo happily tells Scott that Operation Stake Out Over Our Heads is a go.

"I need you gals to help me catch some perps in the act."

"I feel like we just stumbled onto the set of Hill Street Blues."

Scott radios his partner Kate to give her an update...and Jo looks bummed about him having a female partner until he clarifies that Kate is married [not to him]. Scott asks Natalie for advice on how he can best blend in at Over Our Heads and says he has a lot of past experience with undercover work - and Blair interjects and tells him that smitten Jo will be more than happy to show him the ropes. 

Mrs. Garrett returns with her dry cleaning and looks confused by the presence of Detective Scott pretending to be a clerk. The Facts gals tell her he'll be helping them out while she's at her sister's...and that his walkie-talkie is actually a gum dispenser. After Tootie hastily steers Mrs. Garrett out of the store, Scott correctly assumes that they didn't want to worry the old lady about the stakeout, then heads out to the police van to fetch his surveillance equipment.

Later, Scott has installed a not-so-subtle camera behind the cash register to "monitor the bad guys" while Blair covertly advises Jo to just ask him out already. Tootie is holding Scott's walkie-talkie when George Clooney stumbles upon the police van parked outside and can be heard hitting on Detective Kate, and Tootie and the rest of the Facts gals giggle heartily when Kate makes it clear that she has zero interest in going out with him. A few seconds later, George enters the store and brags about how some chick was all over him just now...and the gals laughingly inform him that he just tried to pick up a married cop. Detective Scott then introduces himself, and the gals explain to George that Scott is conducting a stakeout, and that he needs to keep Mrs. Garrett from getting wind of what's going on so she doesn't stress out about leaving them alone.

Mrs. Garrett asks whassup with the newly installed video camera behind the cash register, so Tootie tells her it's a phone...and that it has a half-off sign slung over it 'cause it only makes local calls. Har har. As Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face confusedly, Jo distracts her by asking George Clooney to help her with her luggage. 

Detective Kate radios to warn that the perps are on their way...and by perps she means a well dressed elderly couple who enters the store a few seconds later and shiftily glances around. Natalie tells the other Facts gals it has to be a mistake 'cause of how cute and old they are, and Scott tells them all to shut it 'cause he doesn't want Ma and Pa Kettle to suspect something that'll scare them off from going through with the money-illegal goods exchange and prevent him from making an arrest. 

"Nope, we don't suspect anything amiss."

"Nope, nothing amiss here."

Natalie and Tootie approach the couple (whose names we soon learn are Sarah and Max), urge them to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee, and try to warn them on the down-low that they're being surveilled - until Scott wanders over and tells them to knock it off if they don't want to get charged with obstructing police business and spend a year in prison. Jo asks Scott what illegal goods are expected to change hands...and when he tells her they're counterfeit bus passes, an incredulous Natalie's all, "The fuck? You're on a stakeout for fake bus passes?!" Scott's like, "Well, d'yuh" and points out that they've cost the transit authority 200K - just as Andy runs in clutching a wad of cash and loudly announcing that he just won $12 in a football pool. When the Facts gals tell him that Scott's a police detective who's into cracking down on petty crime, he's all, "Oops!" and pretends he's going straight to the local rescue mission to donate his winnings. He then wanders over to Sarah and Max to offer them more coffee, and they call him adorable and wistfully remark on how they never get to see their grandchildren 'cause of how expensive it is for them to travel. Natalie proceeds to lay it on thick about the importance of grandparents being role models, and an irked Scott once again tells her to shut it.

Sarah tells Max she's worried about going through with the money-illegal goods exchange, and Max mulls that over and decides they should prolly stay on the right side of the law and go home sans bus passes. When Scott barks, "Hold it!", Natalie points out that he has no authority to detain them...and he mulls that over before reluctantly acknowledging that she's right, and allows the two to exit the store. Detective Kate radios Scott to inform him that the bus pass scofflaw is a block away...and he's all, "Oooh nooo! He'll be expecting to see a white haired woman wearing a red hat!" Jo decides that the best course of action would be to pull Mrs. Garrett into the ridiculous mission and make the perp think he's actually supposed to meet a red-haired woman wearing a white hat, and Scott flirtily applauds her ingenuity and decides that this revised plan might just be crazy enough to work. 

Jo quickly briefs Mrs. Garrett about the stakeout, then tells her that Detective Scott needs her to fill in as a buyer of illegal goods. A few seconds later, an old man wearing a pinstriped suit walks in, glances confusedly at Mrs. Garrett and says, "Wasn't it supposed to be white hair with a red hat?" Jo says he's merely confused about the agreed-upon hair/hat colours...and after some banter about how Blair and Jo are flanking the old lady as pseudo bodyguards to make sure that nothing bad happens to her, Mr. Pinstripe pulls out a couple of bus passes while demanding the cash. As soon as Blair hands it over, Detective Scott rushes over and places him under arrest before needlessly explaining that Mrs. Garrett and the Facts gals were part of his stakeout operation. Scott then flirtily asks Jo if she knows of any good places to eat and asks if he can call her up sometime, and she beams and replies, "Yes and yes."

"You got the money?"

"That depends. You got the goods?"

The Facts gals chuckle about how the cop got the perp and Jo got the guy, while a disapproving Mrs. Garrett sternly says they have a lot of explaining to do.

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