The Facts of Life - Season 6, Episode 17

"Wanna leap head-first into an ill-fated engagement?"

"Two Guys From Appleton"
Original airdate: 1/23/1985

Episode summary: Mrs. Garrett reconnects with her high school sweetheart.

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Recap: The Facts gals are bustling around the store when they're distracted by a cute blonde guy - swoon! it's Shaun Cassidy's real life brother, Ryan! - who comes in looking for his father. He introduces himself as Kevin Metcalf and explains that his father, Ted, is an old friend of Mrs. Garrett's from Appleton, WI, who's planning to drop by the store unannounced to surprise her. Kevin has a reverse brain fart when he suddenly realizes he's a full day early and tells the gals to pretend he wasn't here. On his way out, he bumps into Mrs. Garrett as she arrives...and when she asks the gals who that blonde cutie is, they keep mum - until Tootie can keep the secret no longer (LOL) and blurts out, "His father is coming to see you." Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wuh?" and asks who his father is, and Jo says they'll spill the beans as long as she pretends to look surprised when Ted Metcalf comes calling. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face confusedly and says the only Ted Metcalf she knows is her ex-high school sweetheart, who she dumped like yesterday's news before eloping with a vacuum salesman. [Hee! That's a fascinating tidbit about Edna's past I don't recall ever hearing before.] She sheepishly tells the gals she didn't have the heart to break up with Ted to his face, so she sneaked onto his doorstep and left the pin he'd given her when he officially asked her to go steady. She then breezily waves a hand in the air and says she assumes that since Ted has a grown son, he's been happily married all these years and wouldn't be harboring any kind of  grudge against her.

The next day, Ted arrives at Edna's Edibles...and he and Mrs. Garrett shyly say hello and agree that the other looks terrific. As they sit on the couch and get caught up on the last several decades of their lives, Mrs. Garrett learns that Ted fled to Paris after his dumping, studied art, and became a sculptor. She congratulates him on doing something so surprisingly exciting with his life, then sheepishly apologizes for giving him the dumperoo in the coldest manner possible - but he just beams and says it was the best thing that ever happened to him. LOL.

"Getting dumped by you was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

"Happy to oblige."

​When Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a-a?", he explains that if she hadn't so callously dumped him, he would have continued living his boring life in boring Appleton and taken over the running of his father's boring hardware store - instead of jetting off to Paris, studying art, and becoming a sculptor. He tells her he got divorced ages ago, that his son Kevin grew up with his mother in California, and that he's deeply annoyed Kevin appears to have no ambition beyond working as a ski instructor. He says that he and Kevin are planning to vacation in Canada for a few days, then abruptly decides he should get going now. After his hasty departure, Tootie and Natalie rush into the room to find out how the reunion went...and Mrs. Garrett admits that she's disappointed Ted didn't ask her out - but a few seconds later, Ted pops back in to invite her to dinner.

The next day, the Facts gals tell Kevin that his dad and Mrs. Garrett have been gone for nearly three hours...and Kevin chuckles and remarks on how happy his dad has been ever since the two reconnected. Ted and Mrs. Garrett return to the store, bicker lightheartedly about how he ruined her snow angel, and announce to the gals that Ted has decided to postpone his trip to Canada with Kevin so that he can take Mrs. Garrett instead. Blair raises an eyebrow and goes, "Without a chaperone?" [I honestly couldn't tell whether or not she was asking that jokingly] , and Mrs. Garrett gleefully says they're not going to need one 'cause they're getting married. Tomorrow!

"Surprise! We're getting married tomorrow."

"Won't that throw a wrench into the show's proven formula of four somewhat grown women living under the same roof as their unmarried housemother?"

As Blair plans the quickie wedding, Tootie waxes on about how romantic it is for Mrs. Garrett and Ted to be leaping into a marriage decades after dating in high school. Natalie worries that she's rushing head-first into something ill-fated, while Jo worries that she won't be able to adjust to saying a new name: Mrs. Metcalf or the preferred shortened Mrs. M. A few seconds later, Mrs. Garrett enters the room looking for her something borrowed, tells the gals about Ted's touching proposal while they were making snow angels, then gaily shrieks, "I'll see you in the morning!" as she scampers off to bed.

As various friends and customers (?) stream into the residence to attend the hastily thrown together wedding ceremony, Ted tells Jo and Blair how irked he is at Kevin for being late, especially since he has the rings. He then rails about his idiot son always being late for every damn thing...and when he decides he can bear it no longer, he abandons his post at the makeshift altar and rushes off to look for Kevin.

Mrs. Garrett is in the gals' communal bedroom, dressed in what looks like a snugly fitted green bridesmaid's dress. When Natalie pops by to check in on her, she babbles about her and Ted's honeymoon plans: Toronto, Montreal, and then Saskatchewan to see the caribou. Interesting variety. Natalie tells her they all like Ted [except for the dickish way he talks shit about his own son behind his back], then asks if maybe she's rushing into marriage. Mrs. Garrett retorts with a firm no, but admits she'd have the very same reservations about this quickie wedding if she weren't her. She explains that she's operating purely on instinct, and doesn't want to express concern to Ted about the speediness of this wedding 'cause she doesn't want to risk losing him a second time. Natalie concedes that she generally has pretty good instincts, and the two hug.

Kevin arrives with the rings and gets an earful from his father about his tardiness. Jo snaps at Ted to knock it off, and Kevin explains to his dad that he's late 'cause he stopped by Langley College to register for a couple of courses. Ted perks up at that and gives him an approving hug, then announces that he's going upstairs to have a one-on-one with his bride-to-be (not).

Ted finds Mrs. Garrett looking through her old high school yearbook, and the two sit side by side and reminisce about their friends and teachers of yore. She gently asks him if they're rushing into marriage far too quickly than what is reasonably sensible, and he's like, "Well d'yuh" and says he was merely going with the flow to keep up with how rapidly things move in the '80s. Mrs. Garrett suggests they slow down and hit the restart button on their relationship by going steady for awhile, and he's like, "Can do" and shyly says he'd like to present her with something...and by something he means the high school pin he presented her with [prior to her dumping him and running off with another man]. Mrs. Garrett looks touched by the sweet gesture, and plants his lips with a big smooch.

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