The Facts of Life - Season 6, Episode 12

"Why should I have to apologize for my wrongdoings?"

"The Rich Aren't Different"
Original airdate: 12/12/1984

Episode summary: Blair takes Jo to small claims court after Jo damages her watch and dickishly refuses to apologize.

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Recap: Tootie and Natalie are busily cleaning the store while Mrs. Garrett is being tutored in algebra by a prodigy nerd-child named Craig. Mrs. Garrett explains that she failed algebra in high school and decided 'why not retake it decades later?' so she can be all 'in yer face!' to the mean-spirited teacher who failed her, even though he's surely dead by now...or if alive would likely have no memory of failing a shrieky redheaded teenager.

Natalie glares suspiciously at Craig and tells Tootie she's pretty sure that the pint-sized genius is up to something nefarious - but Tootie points out that he's just a kid and therefore unlikely to have an ulterior motive other than wanting to earn some cash for a tutoring gig. A few seconds later, Jo enters the room wearing Blair's watch and says she's borrowing it 'cause she needs something to use as a stopwatch for an exam and can't seem to find her own watch.   

Natalie plants various toys that would appeal to young boys around the living room and pronounces that if Craig shows zero interest in all of them, she's calling the government. Blair returns home after a shopping binge - just as Jo bursts in stinking of BO after playing a vigorous game of basketball following her exam. Blair notices the watch she's wearing and remarks that it looks a lot like her watch, minus the crystal, and Jo's like, "It is your watch...and oops, I broke it during the basketball game." She takes it off and hands it to Blair, who fiddles with it for a few seconds before crying, "It's not working! You broke it!" Jo's all, "Oh well" and reminds her she has a dozen other watches, and Blair shoots her the stink-eye and points out that she's not even considering the possibility that the watch holds special meaning for her. Jo confirms that, nope, she couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses about the broken watch and invites her to break something of hers...and when Blair snarks that she would if she owned anything worth breaking, Jo retorts with a dismissive eye roll and and goes upstairs to shower.

"Seriously? You borrowed my watch without asking, broke it, and clearly don't give a shit?"

"Well duh. Have you met me?

When Craig is a few minutes late for his tutoring session with Mrs. Garrett, Natalie offers to take over for him - but then Craig arrives a few seconds later and suggests that Natalie join the tutoring effort 'cause of how well she understands Mrs. Garrett and can put her in the best mood possible to be tutored. Natalie perks up at the nonsensical flattery and eagerly agrees to pitch in. 

Blair tells Jo she wants to discuss her broken watch again in order to get her to fully grasp that 1) she was wrong to take the watch without asking, and 2) she's a shameless jerk for not apologizing for breaking it. Jo makes it clear that, yep, she couldn't give less of a shit about breaking her watch...so Blair nods sadly and says, "Then I have nothing more to say" and motions at a cute blonde man who's been on standby at the entrance of Edna's Edibles. He enters the shop and hands Jo a subpoena to appear in small claims court...and Jo reads it over and chuckles 'cause she assumes it's a prank - but promptly stops chuckling when she realizes she's actually being summoned to court for her shitty disregard of Blair's damaged property.

Jo enlists Tootie to pretend to act as her lawyer in small claims court, so Tootie tries to school Jo in the art of looking sympathetic to a jury...and by jury, I mean a menagerie of stuffed animals that Tootie has gathered together and placed on the couch. Jo snappishly argues that she feels zero remorse for breaking the watch 'cause of how self-centered and spoiled Blair is - but then admits that she finds the notion of going to court scary, 'cause where she comes from court usually translates to jail. When Tootie suggests she simply apologize to Blair for her misdeed, Jo refuses and stubbornly declares that she won't back down out of a fear of serving jail time. Natalie enters the room, sits with the jury of stuffed animals and declares Jo guilty, then implores Jo to just talk to Blair and settle the stupid matter out of court. Blair returns home and haughtily announces that she's not dropping the case as long as Jo continues to act such a dickwad about destroying her property, and Jo chortles and says it's such a weak case she's confident the judge will toss it out.

Tootie schools Jo on how to show remorse to a jury of her peers

"Lock her up! Lock her up!"

Court day! After Jo and Tootie express surprise that the small claims court has no jury, Blair begins to explain The Case of the Broken Watch to the judge. A few seconds later, Mrs. Garrett rushes in and shriekily interrupts the proceedings to urge Blair and Jo to sort out the matter by talking it through...prompting the judge to order her to shut it and sit down. Natalie is sworn in as a witness for the plaintiff, and says that while she hates taking sides, she can't deny the fact that she witnessed Jo borrowing Blair's watch without permission. After she flees the stand, Jo confesses to borrowing the watch - but then admonishes Blair for blowing the whole thing out of proportion purely out of spite. Blair denies acting spiteful and complains that Jo has no respect for her things 'cause she's rich...and adds that Jo's lack of respect for her things translates to Jo's lack of respect for her. The judge mulls that over with a glazed over expression before adjourning for lunch.

"You really don't care that you broke my cherished possession, do you?"

"Not even the tiniest of rat's asses."

Blair explains to Jo that she took her to court 'cause of how hurtful it was that she clearly didn't care about her feelings...and treated her as though she didn't deserve any consideration just 'cause she's well-to-do. Jo, who's finally summoned the decency to look sheepish about breaking a watch that didn't belong to her and therefore had no business using, tells Blair she has so much expensive stuff she likes to be flashy with that it's hard to not be resentful of how privileged she is. Blair admits that, yep, she can be braggy and flamboyant...and Jo puts her serious face on and apologizes for breaking her watch the way she should have just done at the beginning of the episode to spare us the inanity of watching this pointless storyline escalate to an appearance in small claims court. Jo offers to pay for the watch - but when she learns it's worth $300, offers to buy Blair a cup of coffee instead. Blair's like, "Deal!" and the two exit the courtroom, their arms tenderly wrapped around each other's waist. Mmm hmm..

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