The Facts of Life - Season 6, Episode 11

"If I wanted to date a comedian I'd be cozying up to Don Rickles. Badoom bah."

"Smile"
Original airdate: 12/5/1984

Episode summary: Natalie is reluctant to share her true feelings about anything to her new boyfriend Brian.

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Recap: As the Facts gals bustle about the store, they notice that Mrs. Garrett's secret admirer has left her a single red rose for what's now the third day in a row. Mrs. Garrett giggles blushingly, while Blair urges caution and points out that this person could be a lunatic. Natalie breezes into the room and reminds everyone about the job interview she had with the Peekskill Press yesterday and warns how bummed she'll be if she doesn't get it. A few seconds later, her new boyfriend Brian drops by to say hey and arrange for them to meet up at his workplace, the local ice cream shop, at 5pm. He says he's eager to hear whether or not she got the job, gushes, "You're the greatest!" and heads out. Natalie giddily tells the rest of the Facts cast how lucky she is to have snagged a college freshman who made the Langley wrestling team, and says she assumes he's with her 'cause of how perpetually upbeat and jokey she is [whereas I'd be more inclined to chalk it up to Brian's dorky inability to attract a college-age female].

At the ice cream shop, Brian asks Natalie if she'd like to accompany him to a wrestling match so he can check out his competition, and she perkily agrees and says it sounds like an awesome way to spend the evening. A customer recognizes Brian as a member of the wrestling team and warns that he's going to be up against a muscular guy nicknamed Goliath...and when Brian looks alarmed at the notion of wrestling anyone nicknamed Goliath, Natalie waves her hand dismissively and assures him he'll do fine. Tootie drops by the shop to pick up some gelato and tells a secretly anxious Natalie she has no update about any incoming calls from the Peekskill Press about whether or not she got the job.

Mrs. Garrett has now gotten roses ten days in a row, and is so flattered by the attention that she can't bring herself to throw out the ones that have dried up. A few seconds later, Natalie ambles into the room and glumly informs everyone that she didn't get the newspaper job and is pretty despondent about it. Mrs. Garrett's all, "Fuck the Peekskill Press" and vows to cancel their subscription, then suggests to Natalie that she and Brian spend the evening in instead of going out to a movie. Natalie says she doesn't want to make a big deal out of her bad news to Brian 'cause she's worried that if she lets him see anything other than her perpetually perky demeanor, he'll want to end the relationship.

"I'm worried that if I'm not in a lighthearted mood every minute, Brian will dump me."

"Sounds like someone needs an intensive heart-to-heart about relationships."

When Brian arrives to pick up Natalie for their date, she beams fake happily while greeting him hello. He asks her if it's OK for them to stay in tonight, then says he's feeling pretty down after a lousy wrestling practice and getting chewed out by his coach - plus he's freaked out by having to compete against Goliath. Tootie interjects and says the mood hasn't exactly been jubilant around Edna's Edibles lately...and when Brian's all, "Wuh?" and asks Natalie if something's wrong, she tells him she didn't get the Peekskill Press job - but that she's completely A-OK about it, and to prove it she gives him her trademark squinty-eyed grin as she gaily refers to herself as The Unsinkable Natalie Green.

Later, Natalie breezily assures Brian that Goliath really isn't all that big - but Brian scrunches his face worriedly, then asks if she'd like to have some coffee and rail about how dispirited she must be about not getting her dream job. Natalie shrugs and tells him it's no big deal, and Brian stares dejectedly into space and says, in that case, he'll head back to the dorm now. He gives her a peck on the lips, tells her she's special, then opens his mouth again as if to add something...but stops and stares sadly into space. After he dejectedly shuffles off, Blair emerges wearing her bathrobe and curlers in her hair and chortles about her willingness to hide out in the kitchen until the coast was clear, 'cause she couldn't risk a male seeing her looking less than her best. Natalie's like, "Er, OK..?" and says she feels soooooooo shitty about not getting the Peekskill Press job...and Blair concurs that indeed it is shitty, but assures her that other opportunities will come along.

Natalie stares at the phone, wills it to ring, and moans that Brian hasn't called her for four long days. Mrs. Garrett's like, "'Nuff with your problems" and excitedly announces that she finally met the secret admirer who's been leaving her roses...then sheepishly admits the guy's a cheese salesman and that leaving red roses are part of his company's ad campaign. She informed him she was happy with her current cheese supplier - but after enjoying some flirty banter, has a date lined up with him later tonight.

When Natalie complains to Tootie about Brian not calling her, Tootie urges her to open up to Brian about how mopey she's been lately. Natalie's all, "No way!" and says she's too afraid she'll lose him if she were to suddenly drop her 'I'm so bubbly all the time!' schtick whenever she's in his presence.

Natalie eventually decides to follow Tootie's advice and stops by the ice cream shop to ask Brian if he's giving her the cold shoulder. He shrugs unhappily and says he's been assuming that since she won't share her true feelings about anything, she must not be interested in him. Natalie hangs her head in shame and admits that, yep, she was deeply bummed about not getting the Peekskill Press job - but assures him that her emotionally constipated type attitude in not wanting to express her true feelings about it has absolutely nothing to do with how much she likes him.

Brian chides Natalie for joking around all the time and says there are times he wishes she'd put her serious face on so he can get to know the real her. Natalie mulls that over and warns him that she has the full range of negative emotions any regular person might have - anger, anxiety, depression - and that at times it's not pretty. Brian says he's totes OK with that, then confides that he's had so much anxiety about her seeming disinterest in him that he chewed his fingernails to the quick...and she's all, "Ack!" at the sight of his gnarled fingers and assures him she likes him a lot before the two hug it out in a PG embrace.

"I've been so freaked out about your standoffishness that I chewed off all my fingernails."

"My honest reaction to that is: gross."

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