The Facts of Life - Season 5, Episode 18

"Your father would want you to transition into a less morose storyline."

"Big Fish/Little Fish"
Original airdate: 2/8/1984

Episode summary: Blair gets miffed when Jo's popularity at Langley College begins to eclipse hers. Natalie continues to mourn her father.

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Recap: As the votes for Miss Edibles [the prize for which is getting to sit atop Edna's Edibles' Founder's Day parade float in a formal gown and wave at Peekskillers] are being tabulated, Jo bursts into the store with two of her newest college friends. Blair frowns in puzzlement and is all 'whassup with Jo having her own independent set of friends?' and asks her where she went after class, so Jo tells her that she and group of people met up at Sam's Coffee Shop. Blair looks miffed and says that no one invited her, so one of Jo's new friends tells her that people just show up there after class and don't expect an invitation. Blair looks mystified by the concept of casually hanging out with her peers, then chirps, "How delightfully carefree!"

Blair thanks Jo's new friends for voting in the Miss Edibles contest, assumes that they both voted for her, and brags about how she was crowned Harvest Queen three years in a row. Jo's friends are all, "What the hell's a Harvest Queen?" - LOL - then remind Jo about their ice skating plans tomorrow night before heading out. Jo invites Blair to come along to the ice skating outing, but Blair says she's a terrible skater and would prefer that her college-mates not witness the embarrassment of her doing something she's not totally adept at. 

Tootie invites Natalie to the movies tonight, but Natalie mope-ishly declines and says she'll be too busy studying...even though she's been studying all afternoon, as Tootie sulkily points out. When Natalie goes into the residence part of the set to call her mom, Tootie complains to Jo and Blair that even though it's been six weeks since Papa Green died, Natalie is constantly checking up on her mom. 

Mrs. Garrett announces that she and Kelly have tallied the votes for Miss Edibles and are ready to announce the winner. Blair fluffs her hair and prepares to smugly accept the honor...when Jo is unexpectedly declared Miss Edibles. A befuddled Blair is all, "Wuh? How is that even possible?" and reminds the Facts cast that she (and not Jo) wins popularity contests. Kelly gives her a quick analysis of the voting trends and tells her that Jo getting most of "the college vote" put her over the top...then asks Jo if she's actually interested in sitting atop a parade float while decked out in an '80s prom dress. As Jo mulls over that ghastly prospect, Blair quickly says she'd be more than happy to step in as the first runner up - but Mrs. Garrett interjects and says that, actually, she was voted first runner up, then pretends as if she doesn't notice Blair's distress while she moans piteously and fake cries. 

"And the winner is...JO!"

"I demand an instant recount."

Mrs. Garrett tells Blair she hopes she's not too upset about losing the contest, and Blair haughtily says she has more important things to focus on, then flounces off. 

Later, a discombobulated looking Blair asks Natalie if she's lost it...and by it she means her essence, her aura. Natalie stares back at her blankly for a few seconds and deadpans, "I dunno", and continues to stare blankly as Blair complains about how her current popularity situation is a total reversal of how things used to be when they were all students at Eastland. 

Tootie and Mrs. Garrett return from a local box office, where they stood in line for ten hours to get Pat Benatar concert tickets. When Tootie excitedly tells Natalie she got two tickets for them, Natalie grunts that she's not interested 'cause of all the studying she's pretending she has to do. A disgruntled Tootie tells Mrs. Garrett and Blair that she no longer wants to go to the Pat Benatar concert now that Natalie has announced she isn't going - but Mrs. Garrett shriekily tells her she's damn well going after forcing her to suffer in the cold for so many hours.

Jo returns home and tells Blair she was just at Maggie Thurston's party...and when Blair gets over the sting of not getting invited, Jo says that everyone kept asking her when she's going to have a party. Blair points out that it's only polite to reciprocate and offers to help her with party planning, then excitedly suggests they use her fancy stationary to send out invitations. Jo makes a 'fuck that' face and says she just wants a small, low key get together, then snarkishly reminds Blair that it's her party and that she'll do whatever the hell she wants. Blair's like, "Fine!" and angrily tells the ungrateful bitch that she will not be attending whatever kind of ratty ass gathering she ends up cobbling together.

"Am I even capable of planning a casual get together?"

"With me as your official Director of Party Planning, you can't go wrong!"

Jo is nervously pacing the room, hoping that the chips, dip, and extra chairs constitute adequate planning for tonight's shindig. Tootie, meanwhile, tells Natalie she's thinking about sneaking a kitten into the house so they can have a furry pet, but a still-glum Natalie says she's not into it and reminds her that Mrs. Garrett alleges that she's allergic to cats.

In the next scene, Jo's party is in full swing. Natalie pops in for a brief appearance, then tells Tootie she's leaving 'cause she has other stuff to do. Tootie complains to Mrs. Garrett that Natalie is being a major drag lately 'cause of her lingering grief from the previous, 'my dad died' episode, and Mrs. Garrett's like, "'Nuff said" and decides it's time for a serious Facts-style heart-to-heart with Natalie.

Mrs. Garrett finds Natalie sitting at a table in the store part of the set, having a snack. When she asks Natalie whassup with her lately, Natalie says she's been busy studying...and that she's spending an excessive amount of time on her schoolwork 'cause she really really wants to make her dad proud. Mrs. Garrett points out that he was always proud of her...then tells her the sad story of when her father died: soon afterwards, she went to the movies with a friend, laughed heartily in the theater, but then went home and cried for days 'cause of the impertinence of having a good time so soon after her father's passing. She then puts her most solemn face on and tells Natalie that laughing in the movie theater was her way of letting go of some of the pain of losing her father...and that she realized it was A-OK to get on with her life. 

Jo enters the communal bedroom to bring Blair a bottle of Perrier and invite her to join the party. Blair asks her why the world seems to have turned on its ass since last season, then complains about how unpopular she is among her Langley peers. Jo concedes that that's definitely true, and Blair sadly acknowledges, "They hate me." Jo points out that no one at Langley knows her well enough to hate her, but then immediately reverses herself on that when she chides Blair for always putting on airs and being an obnoxious bossy boots. She urges Blair to just be herself, loosen up, and not give a hoot about what people think of her. Blair mulls that over, decides to give her advice a try, and agrees to join the party [in the non-party outfit she currently has on].

"Why doesn't anyone at Langley like me?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say it was 'cause of your haughty 'tude."

By this point, the party has degenerated into a boring-as-fuck talent show, and one of the guests is demonstrating magic card tricks with Tootie as his assistant. Blair offers to demonstrate her ventriloquist skills (er, OK..?), then pulls Jo onto her lap (mmm hmm) and pulls her ponytail every time she ventriloquizes whatever "Jo" is saying. As everyone claps and waxes on about how impressed they are with Blair's secret skill, Natalie gets in the game and says she'd like to demonstrate her ability to play music using water glasses. As she sets up for that, Blair pulls Jo aside and warmly tells her she knows how to throw one helluva great party.

​Bravo, Jo!

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