The Facts of Life - Season 2, Episode 2

Recap: After getting arrested at the Chugalug Bar, Jo, Blair, Natalie, and Tootie are locked in a holding cell at the Peekskill police station. Blair angrily tells Jo it's her fault they got arrested, and Jo sneers, "Blow it out your Gucci bag" and says it's no big deal, then urges her to chillax. Blair wails that it is a big deal and that her entire life has been ruined. Natalie concurs and says her mom's weak heart may not survive the shame of her bad behavior, and Tootie fully expects her parents to disown her. Suddenly, a tough looking curly haired woman is thrown into the cell with them, and they get wigged out when she tells them she just got arrested for robbery and assault. As she struts around the cell, she notices Blair's fancy watch and brazenly rips it off of her wrist. Jo immediately springs into action and gets all in Curly's face and orders her to give the watch back...or else. Curly immediately backs down ('cause Jo is so scary) and hands Blair her watch and mutters about what a piece of junk it is. Blair gets indignant and can't resist telling Curly that it's a $500 watch from Tiffany's...and Curly perks up and looks like she wants to snatch it away from her again, but Jo looms over her menacingly, and she backs down a second time. Blair looks impressed - and, let's face it, more than a little turned on - by Jo's gritty street smarts, but Jo just scowls at her and snaps, "Knock it off!" Mrs. Garrett suddenly bursts into the cell and announces to the girls that they've been sprung. It turns out their new headmaster, Mr. Harris, plays golf with a judge and was able to pull some strings. (It's a damn good thing he replaced that ineffectual assclown, Mr. Bradley.)

Mrs. Garrett sternly tells the girls she has a few things to say before they leave the police station. All four of them are on probation for six months...and they've been expelled. Apparently Mr. Harris was furious when he heard they stole the cafeteria van and summarily expelled them all [to which I say, "Bravo, good man!"]. Blair's all, "Wha-a?!" and says it's their first offence and asks if they can appeal the decision. Mrs. Garrett offers a ray of hope and says there is, in fact, one way all four of them can stay at Eastland...but then she scrunches her face and says she doesn't know if they'll agree to the conditions. Natalie cries, "Try us!" so Mrs. Garrett spells out the show's new scenario:

1. She would have to assume responsibility for all four of them (no biggie; she was already doing that in Season 1)
2. They can't live in the dorm, but rather in a cramped bedroom above the cafeteria
3. They have to work in the cafeteria to pay off the cost of the damage to the van (I guess the insurance carrier refused to pony up)

Blair smugly replies that it won't be necessary for her to work in the cafeteria 'cause her mother would be happy to pay for whatever damage she incurred...but Mrs. Garrett barks, "Wrong!" and says she spoke to all of their parents, and they all agreed to the terms. Jo scowls in her usual scowly manner and says she doesn't like these new terms and that she didn't come to Eastland to be a dishwasher. She snarks, "That wasn't part of my deal." Mrs. Garrett reminds her that it also wasn't part of her deal to hot-wire the van and make fake IDs...but here they all are. She then shrugs and tells her she's welcome to go home and be an expelled ex-Eastland student, and Blair chimes in and bitchily offers to help her fundraise for a bus ticket. Jo glowers at her and snarks, "Maybe I'll stay." With that settled, the five depart the police station and head back to Eastland.

Mrs. Garrett tells Howard the Cook that he no longer needs to find kitchen help; he now has four helpers! Howard nods approvingly and dickishly declares, "A woman's place is in the kitchen" and he gets a lot of boos from the studio audience and is appropriately referred to as a chauvinist pig by Natalie. Blair tells Mrs. Garrett that she's never done menial work before and has no idea how to do things like slice onions or take out the garbage. Suddenly, a random cute guy enters the cafeteria and says he's answering their ad for a busboy...and Natalie rushes over to him, exclaims, "You're hired!" and tightly clutches his arm. Howard tells the cute guy the position just got filled, but Natalie suggests they all share the work...and Blair cheekily chimes in, "He can wash while we watch." Mrs. Garrett sternly tells the girls to cut the shit, then informs the cute guy that his services won't be needed...and he gives her a curt nod and dejectedly lumbers off. Natalie looks stricken and whimpers, "He's gone." LOL. Jo tries to argue that if they're forced to work in the cafeteria, they won't have time for their schoolwork, and Tootie says she won't get enough sleep. Mrs. Garrett, who clearly doesn't give a rat's ass about their plight, ignores their bellyaching and says she'll show them to their room now. 

She leads them to a storage room upstairs that's filled with junk and has sloped ceilings. Blair looks around in distaste and asks Mrs. Garrett if she's kidding, and then all four girls start to chuckle...but a stony faced Mrs. Garrett matter-of-factly says, "This is your new home." Jo complains that it's a storage room and points out that they'll all have to share her bathroom down the hall - but Mrs. Garrett says she's OK with that. Blair says she can't possibly live under these conditions 'cause she's never had the advantages of growing up poor...and then all four girls start whining about how badly this sucks. Mrs. Garrett says they're welcome to accept their expulsions and go home...and that shuts them up. Natalie looks around the cluttered room and says it has a certain charm, and they all agree to stay and deal with the situation. Mrs. Garrett pulls out a mop and broom from a heap of junk and orders the four to get busy cleaning up. After she leaves, Blair snarks at Jo about how great everything was before she came along - and that since she blew into town, they've been arrested and have to live in a storage room. Natalie and Tootie concur, and Jo snarls at them all to bug off. Mrs. Garrett looks dismayed when she overhears them arguing from the hallway, but wisely keeps on walking.

A day or so later, the four girls stagger into the room, which has been cleaned out and is now properly furnished as a bedroom. They all fall into their beds, exhausted after a tiring shift in the cafeteria. Jo says she wants out of Eastland so she can go back to New York where her boyfriend Eddie lives. She tells the girls that her mother tried to break up the relationship, which is the main reason she sent her to Eastland. Blair asks her how long she and Eddie have been together, and Jo gets a dreamy look on her face and says, "Three and a half weeks" and adds that they fell in love the moment they met. Well that's...interesting. Even if I could completely ignore the unmistakable non-hetero vibe that Jo's body language consistently gives off, I'm not sure how the writers can reconcile this 'lovestruck Jo' with the Jo of the previous episode, who so eagerly risked everything to get to the Chugalug Bar and troll for strange men to hook up with. Blair looks over at Jo admiringly and remarks that she's actually a very sensitive person...and for some reason this causes Jo to act all prickly, and the two start bickering like an old married couple. Mrs. Garrett bursts in and asks them whassup, and Jo complains that Blair keeps putting her stuff on her side of the room and monopolizes too much of the common areas...and Blair retorts by calling Jo Mr. Goodwrench. Mrs. Garrett irritably tells them to stop arguing and just work it out. 

In the cafeteria, the four cast mates stand behind the long counter and parcel out food to their fellow students...even though it's set up like a buffet and the students could probably just serve themselves. A snooty girl named Margot enters the cafeteria with Molly Ringwald, so I guess we have official confirmation that she, at least, is still a student at Eastland. She tells Blair it's hard to see her like this, chained to the kitchen like a galley slave, then laments, "It's so anti-woman." Er...OK. Blair nods sadly, and is startled when she realizes she has a blister on her finger - a first for her. Molly asks Tootie how she's holding up, and Tootie says that throughout history, her people (e.g. sassy imps) have always suffered. Mrs. Garrett emerges from the kitchen to order Tootie and Natalie to start washing up, and Jo and Blair to clear the tables.

Margot summons Jo by bellowing, "Waitress!" and then bitchily orders her to clear away the dishes and cutlery from her table. Jo looks annoyed, but bites her tongue and silently goes about the task. Margot then orders Jo to wipe down the table and chides, "It's a mess!" and an embarrassed Molly tells her to lay off. Margot looks fake innocent and goes, "What?" and explains that she's planning a party and needs to hire help to serve food to her rich friends. She then makes a crack about how great Jo will be at it, since her mother's been a waitress all her life...and Jo gets mad and almost loses control - but before she can take a swing at Margot, Blair tells her to remain dignified and not stoop to the snooty girl's level. She then picks up a cream pie and throws it in Margot's face...and everyone in the cafeteria starts laughing very hard, including Mrs. Garrett.

In the next scene, Jo is upstairs, furiously packing her things. Blair tells her not to let Margot's snottiness get to her, but Jo says that just being at Eastland bugs her. Blair says she can't leave and reminds her that her motorcycle isn't in working order at the moment, but Jo holds up her thumb and snaps, "I got this!" and says it'll get her anywhere she needs to go. Blair looks crestfallen and says she thought they were a team now, especially in light of what just went down in the cafeteria. Jo grumbles that she isn't interested in being on her team and says she can take care of herself...and Blair continues to look distressed and wails, "I broke a nail for you!"

Mrs. Garrett enters the room to see whassup, and Jo announces that she's leaving Eastland. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face in confusion and says she thought she was getting used to things around here. Jo tells her she hates this school, and Mrs. Garrett says she's sorry she feels that way. Jo asks her why she cares, then snaps, "You're not my muthuh!" and Mrs. Garrett quietly retorts, "Neither are you" and proceeds to shame her by reminding her that her mother has worked very hard as a waitress to give her the best opportunities in life. Jo gets teary and decides she's not a quitter after all, and that she'll stay at Eastland and do everything possible not to let her sainted mother down. Mrs. Garrett gives her a hug...and a few seconds later, Tootie and Natalie amble into the room and ask whassup. Blair tells them that Jo was contemplating leaving - but now she's not. The end. (Wow that was abrupt.)