The Facts of Life - Season 2, Episode 14

"I hold in my hands the new face of the '80s."

"Pretty Babies"
Original airdate: 3/11/1981

Episode summary: A fashion photographer from Manhattan picks Tootie to be the new face of the '80s, but when he tells her he wants her to pose naked, she decides that modelling isn't for her.

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Recap: Blair's on the phone with some guy named Scott, who's gushing about her beautiful brown eyes...and Jo snarks about how nauseating it is to have to overhear this conversation. A glum looking Tootie stumbles into the lounge, and when Mrs. Garrett asks her whassup, she grumbles, "I'm tired of being underdeveloped." Mrs. Garrett chuckles and assures her that eventually she'll be fully grown. Tootie shows Blair some of the snapshots she recently took of her, which are terrible 'cause apparently Tootie really sucks at photography.

Natalie bursts into the lounge and announces that Jonathan Dutton is coming to Eastland. Blair's all, "Wha-a?!" while Jo just stares blankly and asks who the hell Jonathan Dutton is. Blair explains that he's the hottest fashion photographer in New York. Tootie perks up at that and wonders if maybe he could help her improve her photo taking skills, but Blair disdainfully tells her it's doubtful that someone as important as Jonathan Dutton will have time for children's toys. Natalie tells the girls that Dutton is in the process of combing all the girls' schools in the area in search of the new "high fashion face", and no one seems creeped out by that as much as they probably should be. Blair cockily says that once Jonathan sees her face, she'll be the next hot thing. Natalie informs everyone that Jonathan is going to be interviewing girls at Eastland from 2pm-4pm tomorrow and asks Mrs. Garrett if it's OK for him to use the cafeteria...and since it's one of only two main sets The Facts of Life has, Mrs. Garrett grants her permission. Blair excitedly says she has so much to plan: her hair! her makeup! her gown! Natalie says, "No gowns" and explains that Jonathan wants all the girls dressed in their school uniforms. Blair's like, "How drab", but says at least it won't be possible for him to miss her stunning face. She then stares dreamily into space and gushes, "Imagine me. On the cover of millions of magazines!" and Jo snidely retorts that it makes her wish she had a paper shredder. Blair accuses her of being jealous, and Jo denies being jealous 'cause she's pretty sure that Jonathan won't pick her...and surprisingly, she steers clear of lobbing a single fat joke at Blair the way she repeatedly did at the beginning of Season 2. Blair says she's confident that he's going to pick her as the new face of the '80s, so then Jo asks her if she wants to make it interesting and proposes a bet: loser does winner's kitchen duty for a whole week. Blair's game and says that being freed from kitchen duty will give her lots of time to travel to New York for her photo sessions. The two shake on it.

"Soon I'll be the new face of fashion."

"I really don't think you're model material...and surprisingly, I'm just going to leave it at that."

Natalie's rushing around the cafeteria, ensuring that Jonathan's stream of interviews with the model wannabes goes smoothly. Nancy is primping for her interview and looks very nervous...and across the room, Mrs. Garrett asks Jo if she's trying out, and she snarls, "Gimme a break" 'cause...as if. Natalie calls out Blair's name, and a few seconds later Blair sweeps into the cafeteria wearing a pink scarf around her neck and a wide eyed expression of fake surprise on her face. She asks, "Am I late?" and Natalie quickly ushers her toward the lounge and points out where she'll be sitting. Nancy finishes her interview and walks by and mocks Blair's scarf and snarkishly asks her if her tiara's at the cleaner's. She then brags that Jonathan told her she was striking, and has glowing skin and piercing eyes. Actually, her eyes are genuinely quite lovely...and as far as I can tell, out of all the Eastland girls, Nancy's probably the closest to being model material.

Natalie introduces Blair to Jonathan, and Blair hands Natalie a card that details all of her accomplishments so she can read them aloud for Jonathan...but he quickly bores of that and orders Natalie to stop. He stares into Blair's eyes and looks as though he's impressed with what he sees, and she scrunches her face at his reaction and coos, "I knoooow.." He asks her if she's ever modeled before, and she looks momentarily perplexed and goes, "Have I?" and then mutely stares into space. I'll take that as a no. He tells her she's a very striking young woman...and Blair slowly deflates when he calls her skin glowing. She glumly asks him if her eyes are piercing, and he mulls that over for a few seconds and decides that her eyes dance...and Blair seems very pleased with that answer.

"Hello, Jonathan. I know what a pleasure it must be for you to meet me."

"I can start posing for those magazine covers right away."

Tootie serves Jonathan a glass of lemonade and asks him if he wouldn't mind giving her some photo taking tips. She then starts nattering about how she can't get her camera to work very well - and suddenly, incredibly, Jonathan looks thunderstruck when he sees her face. He stares at her with creepy intensity and barks, "Don't move!" then gets out of his chair, checks her out at every angle, and creepily calls her "fresh and sweet". Jonathan summons Natalie and asks her why Tootie wasn't on his list of girls to interview, and Natalie scrunches her face in confusion and goes, "Her? She's just a kid." He says she's perfect - plus he even likes her name: Tooo-teee. LOL. He then steers Tootie over to the cafeteria and announces to the rest of the girls that they can give up on their dreams of modelling 'cause he just found what he's been looking for. He kneels on the floor, puts his hands on either side of Tootie's face, and pronounces, "This is my new sensational face of the '80s. This is Tooooo-teeeee!" LOL. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face in bewilderment, Jo grins gleefully, and Blair continues to deflate.

"This is the face I'm going to launch into stardom. This is Tooo-teee!"

"Is that bullshit I smell?"

Tootie tells her roommates she can't believe that Jonathan Dutton picked her and not Blair. Jo is thrilled, but only 'cause she won her bet and gets a week off of kitchen duty. Mrs. Garrett enters the room and informs the girls that the train to New York leaves in an hour. Apparently, she's accompanying Tootie to the photo shoot while Jo and Natalie go sightseeing. Blair enters the room, sighs loudly, and calls herself a loser. Tootie assures her she's not a loser - just over the hill. Natalie picks up a fashion magazine and explains that "young is in" and that models are getting younger and younger. Well that's disturbing. Tootie asks Blair if she can recommend an outfit for her to wear, so Blair walks over to where her clothes are laid out and effortlessly selects a stylish ensemble. Tootie looks impressed with her styling skills and invites her to come along to her photo shoot, and Blair says she likes the idea of being her fashion coordinator.

Fashion shoot! Tootie emerges from the dressing room in a sheer, African/East Indian type outfit with lots of makeup caked on her face and a beaded headband around her forehead. Mrs. Garrett's all, "Ack!" and tells Jonathan she's unhappy with Tootie's risqué outfit and says she thought her outfit would be more of the schoolgirl variety. Jonathan blows her off and says he thinks Tootie looks perfect. He sits her on a chair in front of the camera, then yells for someone named Reena to come out...and a spacey looking blonde in a red outfit and stiletto heels comes tottering out of the dressing room. She asks Mrs. Garrett and Blair who they are, so Blair introduces herself as Tootie's fashion coordinator, and Tootie tells her that Mrs. Garrett is her nutritionist. Mrs. Garrett stares curiously at Reena and asks her how old she is, and she says, "Fourteen...but Jonathan thinks I'm twelve" and Mrs. Garrett gasps in horror, as well she should.

Jonathan announces that he's ready to start shooting, and Blair discreetly advises Tootie to not let Reena upstage her. Mrs. Garrett assures Tootie she'll be just a few feet away (pacing) then shoots Jonathan the stink-eye. Jonathan starts snapping photos, then tells Tootie he wants "real sensuality" and orders her to make love to the camera and look "hot and bothered". Tootie takes it literally and starts fanning herself, so Jonathan tells her, "Think of yourself as twelve going on twenty-four." He puts on some music, and Tootie waves her head around, and this causes all the beads on her headband to flip around. Jonathan exclaims, "You're great!" then instructs her to act like a sensual animal who's stalking the camera. Mrs. Garrett snarks, "That's stupid" as Tootie makes growling noises and paws the air - LOL - 'cause she doesn't have a clue how to act like a sensual animal. Jonathan abruptly stops and says, "This just isn't working" and declares that Reena will finish the session. Tootie looks bummed and says she blew it, but he assures her she didn't. He puts his hands on both sides of her face again, and Mrs. Garrett irritably slaps them away. Hee! He tells Tootie he wants her back in two weeks, but Mrs. Garrett says that that's out of the question 'cause it's right before midterms. Jonathan ignores that and says he'd like Tootie to get a tutor in Manhattan - plus she needs to lose about eight pounds of baby fat... and Mrs. Garrett wails, "But she is a baby!"

Jo and Natalie suddenly burst in and seem impressed with the cheap looking studio...and they're shocked to see how grown up Tootie looks. Jonathan announces that he wants to measure Tootie for a wig for the next photo shoot...and when Blair inquires about the wardrobe, he curtly replies, "The wig is her wardrobe." Mrs. Garrett looks incredulous and goes, "Are you serious?" and he nods and breezily assures her, "All of the strategic areas will be covered." OMFG. Jo, Tootie, and Blair look severely icked out and just stare back at him in mute shock.

"Tootie being photographed in nothing but a wig is what I would call au naturel."

"I, on the other hand, would call it child porn."

Jonathan says that if he can sell Tootie's look, she may be able to get a deal to model for a perfume company. Mrs. Garrett asks him what perfume has to do with a naked child in a wig, so he explains that people will just think they're seeing a naked child. That doesn't really answer the question - and ew - what a horrible reply. Mrs. Garrett says that the notion "whatever sells is OK" is ass backwards wrong, and in this case it's a small step away from child pornography. She makes it clear that she's not allowing any of her Eastland girls to be a part of something this sleazy and creepy. Tootie suddenly chimes in and says that this day has been outrageous, but she's not willing to give up eating, fun, and her life at Eastland. She points out to Jonathan that telling a twelve year old to make love to a camera is stupid - especially when she's never even kissed a guy. She then firmly declares that she's saying no. He looks forlorn and moans, "But how will I ever replace my Tooo-teee?" then immediately gets over it and says he'll just get Reena to put on the wig. Mrs. Garrett applauds Tootie's decision to stay a kid...then suggests they all go to lunch anywhere Tootie wants. Tootie says she'd like to get a hot dog in Central Park, and Blair derisively says, "That's for kids" and Tootie gives her a wide toothed grin and says, "I know!"

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