Recap: Natalie tells Mrs. Garrett that Tootie is waiting for a call from the Peekskill Playhouse to hear whether or not she got the part she auditioned for, then adds that Tootie's mom will be in town this episode. Mrs. Garrett gushes about how proud Tootie must be of her savvy career mom, who's a highly respected lawyer and law lecturer. (Not so much, as it turns out.)
Blair and Jo enter the store with Diane Ramsey after attending Diane's latest law lecture, and Jo and Blair gush about what a super awesome lecture it was. Diane urges Jo to consider applying to law school 'cause of how tough yet honest she is, and Jo mulls that over and mumbles, "I dunno." Apropos of nothing, Blair announces that she needs something to wear for an upcoming punk costume party and asks Jo if she'd be willing to lend her anything from her closet, and Jo scrunches her face in her usual irritated manner and says she might be willing to lend her something...but for a fee.
When Tootie arrives home, Diane tells her she's bummed she didn't attend her law lecture...and Tootie pretends she had tried so hard to make it - but, darn it, just couldn't get herself there. Kelly barges in unannounced and introduces herself to Diane as a rehabilitated shoplifter...and then she and Natalie start cackling about their plot to TP a statue at Stone Military Academy for retribution for something or other. Diane chuckles about that being nothing more than some harmless, biodegradable fun, then offers to take the Facts cast out for a scrumptious lobster dinner. Tootie says she can't do dinner 'cause she'll be too busy proofreading a history paper - despite the fact, as a bemused Natalie points out, it's a task that would only take about half an hour. A few seconds later, someone from the Peekskill Playhouse calls to break the bad news to Tootie that she didn't get the part...and Mrs. Garrett gives Tootie a comforting hug as she sadly moans about how performing in the playhouse was supposed to be her summer's main activity. Diane breezily tells her to not be so disappointed and encourages her to focus on other things that make her happy...and an indignant Tootie's all, "The fuck you say?!" and says she's far too upset to go out for lobster and would prefer to spend the evening in, moping around the communal bedroom. Diane shrugs and says she has a lot of work to catch up on anyway, then suggests they get together for breakfast the next morning.
Once Diane's out of earshot, Tootie grumbles to Mrs. Garrett about having to get together with her stupid mother for breakfast, then bitches about how she never supports her or cares about what she wants. When Mrs. Garrett insists to the dumb brat that her mother clearly does care, Tootie wails, "She doesn't even know meeeeee!" and flees upstairs.
Jo tells Mrs. Garrett she's been reading a book that Diane gave her on civil law, and that she likes the idea of being able to legally threaten people.
Blair shows off her "punk" ensemble, which consists of dark sunglasses and a red jumpsuit that has strategically placed rips across the sleeves and pants. I'd probably classify it as more of a 'punk-lite ish? if that' type look. Diane gushes over the questionable punkness of the outfit, then remarks on how she and Tootie somehow missed each other for their planned breakfast. Mrs. Garrett tells her that Tootie called and pretended to be too busy studying at the library to eat breakfast, then says that she and Jeff probably stopped somewhere for a burger. Diane scrunches her face quizzically while murmuring, "Jeff..?"
Natalie and Kelly burst in and cackle about how they just TPed the statue at Stone Military Academy...and Natalie accidentally lets it slip that Tootie was there, TPing alongside them. When Diane looks alarmed about Tootie's involvement in the caper, she's all, "Excuse me?", Natalie's like, "Oops, never mind!" and makes a break for the nearest exit. LOL.
Later, Diane tells Mrs. Garrett she's irked that Tootie has been dodging her all day, and that she has no idea what's going on in her life, e.g. her boyfriend Jeff. Mrs. Garrett tells her that when her idiot son turned out to be a thief, she learned to ask better questions...and Diane retorts, "Whatever, Edna. I won't stand for my daughter lying to me."
Tootie arrives home and tells her mom she missed breakfast 'cause she was at the library, then ran into some gal pals and got further delayed chatting it up with them. Diane stonily replies, "I don't believe you" and haughtily adds that, in some circles, TPing a statue is considered to be a [fairly tepid] form of vandalism. Tootie points out that when Natalie and Kelly were joking about doing it earlier in the episode, she had laughed it off as "biodegradable fun" - but now that she's involved, it's suddenly the crime of the century. Tootie then wearily checks out of the conversation by glumly promising she won't ever TP anything again, then says she's off to her room to get some more faux studying done.
Diane tells Mrs. Garrett she didn't want to broach the subject of Jeff 'cause she doesn't want to waste any of her Quality Tootie Time by arguing with her. Mrs. Garrett points out that quality time can involve sniping at one another, then urges her to risk an argument in the hope that it leads to some heart-felt mother-daughter bonding before the end credits roll.
Diane barges into the communal bedroom, tells Tootie she's grounded for two weeks for her role in the TPing of the Stone Military Academy statue, and forbids her to date Jeff anymore. When Tootie's all, "What does TPing a statue have to do with Jeff?", Diane tells her she's too young to be in a serious relationship...and Tootie tears up and says that their dates consist mostly of meeting up at the library to study together. Diane chides her for not telling her about Jeff, so she snappishly retorts that it's 'cause she never listens to her, is always hyper-critical of everything she does, and doesn't care about what she thinks or feels. Case in point: not giving a discernible hoot that didn't get get the part she auditioned for at the Peekskill Playhouse. Diane says she had no idea that acting meant to much to her, then further proves Tootie's point by urging her to consider a more stable career choice, such as becoming an entertainment lawyer. Tootie wails, "Stop telling me what to doooooo!", so an exasperated Diane sarcastically asks if she would expect her to be accepting of her choices if she suddenly declared she wanted to jump off a building. Tootie retorts, "I wanna be an actress, not a stunt woman" ... and the quip brings a much needed moment of levity to the tense moment, and the two simultaneously dissolve into laughter. Phew. Looks like this mother and daughter are going to be aw' right.
Diane marvels that, despite arguing just now, the two of them still have a [reasonably] intact mother-daughter relationship. Tootie says she'd be far less pissy to her if she had more latitude in making her own decisions...but with the continued safety net of getting bailed out every time she screws up. Diane mulls that over, decides that allowing Tootie to have her cake and eat it too is reasonable, then tells her she wants to be kept in the loop about all the stuff that's going on in her life, even if it's stuff she'd rather not hear. Tootie agrees, then chuckles about how she's starting to sound like Mrs. Garrett...and Diane decides to take that as a compliment and replies, "And you're beginning to sound like my daughter!" before the two press against each other in an emotional hug.