Recap: Prince Michael and his security entourage enter his La Mirage suite, and the men are all "What the fuuuuuck?!" when they see Amanda sitting on the sofa. Yuri (the head security guy who wears an eye-patch) demands to know how she got into the suite and if she's alone...and when Amanda looks put out by the aggressive inquisition, Prince Michael tells Yuri to chillax and go deal with the luggage. Amanda explains to Michael that she's well known around the La Mirage, so when she told the front desk people she's his fiancee, they promptly let her into the suite. Prince Michael orders Yuri to check and recheck the security protocols within the hotel, then apologizes to Amanda for the unpleasant freakout just now. Amanda poutishly tells him she has no desire to live under lock and key...and that while she loves him, she doesn't love the feeling of being caged. Prince Michael urges her to think of being caged as feeling loved and protected, then assures her that for now they're safe and under guard...and that inside this suite they're free to do whatever they like. Amanda perks up at that and gives him an amorous smooch.
Jeff drops by Alexis' ColbyCo office to show her the concert crowd photograph he's pretty sure is a Fallon sighting. Alexis studies the photo and concedes that, yep, the woman in question bears a strong resemblance to Fallon, then lectures him about how hard it is to let someone go when you lose them. When Jeff insists that the woman is definitely Fallon, Alexis cries, "Fallon is dead!" and advises him to get on with his life.
Krystle canoodles Kristina and tells Blake she's soooo happy to be back home...then muses about how Sammy Jo was once a vulnerable little baby. She tells Blake she promised Rock Hudson she'd look out for her niece if something were to happen to him, and Blake rolls his eyes dismissively and says she's a big girl and is just going to wind up hurting her (Krystle) again. He then steers her into their bedroom, where a giant fur rug is spread out among candles. Oh ick. Krystle's all, "Ooooh! How romantic!", and the two lay down and start to go at it atop the rug, which...blech, blech, and double blech.
Over at the La Mirage, Lady Ashley asks Jeff whassup with him being distracted, then correctly guesses that he's still pondering whether or not it's really Fallon in the concert crowd photo. When he insists that it is Fallon, Lady Ashley firmly tells him she won't be used to "blot out painful memories" and that she wants to be the woman he's thinking about while they're doinking. She declares that she's suspending their May-December hookup until he can come to a resolution about his Fallon obsession, and Jeff nods his agreement before sadly shuffling out of the room.
After dining out at a fancy restaurant, Prince Michael tells Yuri that he and Amanda are skipping an outing to a local nightclub 'cause they want to return to La Mirage. Yuri's all, "But the nightclub is on the agenda!" and makes it clear he doesn't like the idea of him changing his plans in such willy-nilly fashion - but Prince Michael's like, "I don't give a shit if you like it or not, we're heading back to the hotel now."
At the La Mirage bar, a shady looking dude tells Yuri, "I was counting on you", and Yuri explains that whatever nefarious plan they hatched had been all set to occur at the nightclub - but then the prince abruptly changed his itinerary. The shady looking dude snarls, "Get the job done! Is that clear?!" and Yuri promises that next time, nothing will go wrong.
Adam runs into Jeff, who's returning to his bedroom after a gym workout, and mockingly suggests he focus less on his muscles and more on his brain. Jeff accuses him of altering the Fred Oates cable and vows to never let anything like that happen again.
At ColbyCo, Steven tells Luke that after deeply pondering the idea of them moving in together, he's decided he can't bring himself to make a commitment to anyone, least of all a fellow gay. He insists he's not ashamed of their romance, but Luke argues, "Are too!" and storms out of the office.
Dominique drops by Alexis' office to demand an explanation as to why she opposes selling an asset (a timber company) from Tom Carrington's estate that she and Blake both agree needs selling. Alexis says she strongly feels that the estate should hold onto this asset, and is relishing the fact that she (Dominique) and Blake require her approval before they can go ahead with the sale. Dominique huffily snarks, "This isn't the end of the deal! We'll see you court!" then flounces out of the room.
Blake and Amanda are having breakfast and looking over the guest list for the wedding. Blake notices that Dominique's name isn't included, and a puzzled Amanda says she's sure it was on the list before she handed it over to Alexis. Blake scrunches his face irritably and says he's going to give Alexis the what for for trying to exclude his half-sister from the blessed event.
Alexis and Amanda are enjoying a private fashion show in downtown Denver when Blake wanders in to admonish Alexis. He pulls her aside and asks her whaddup with her removing Dominique's name from the guest list, and Alexis smirkingly says it was a mere oversight and that she'll make sure to [re]add it.
Dex arrives downtown just as Prince Michael and Yuri exit the royal limo. Dex ambles over and tells Prince Michael he hopes that he and Amanda will be very happy - just as Amanda and Alexis exit the fashion show building. As Amanda and Prince Michael climb into the back of the limo, a group of bad guys suddenly launch a sneak attack and knock Dex to the ground, toss Michael out of the limo [that probably shouldn't have made me laugh as hard as it did], and restrain Amanda inside the vehicle before the driver squeals off. Alexis stares in horror after witnessing her daughter's abduction, while Dex, Prince Michael, and Yuri pile awkwardly into Dex's car to race after the limo.
During the car chase, Amanda struggles with her grab-handsy abductors in the back seat...even though there's not much chance she'd be able to escape from a moving car with two burly men sitting on either side of her. Eventually, the idiot driver ends up on a dead end road...and the bad guys are all, "Ack!" and flee the limo. Dex runs over and flings open the back door to make sure Amanda's OK, then orders Prince Michael to hold her in his arms comfortingly and gently coo at her that she's safe now - while he runs off the try to catch the bad guys on foot. Yuri gets in on that action and gets ahead in the foot chase so he can misdirect Dex about where the bad guys ran.
The Denver reporters gather en masse at Carrington manor for a press conference to get the skinny on Amanda's attempted abduction. One reporter asks Prince Michael if he considers this an act of terrorism 'cause of all the political unrest in his country, and Michael breezily says that since it happened on American soil, it was was likely just a band of U.S. outlaws. Blake chimes in and says he'll do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of his family...and after an irrelevant question about Adam's abduction as a baby pre-Dynasty, Blake abruptly calls an end to the pointless Q&A. Once the reporters have filed out, Blake says that the royal wedding should be held in Denver - but Prince Michael points out that since it's a state affair, it needs to be held in his country...not least 'cause the Moldavian army is loyal to the royal family and can provide excellent security. Amanda agrees that she thinks the wedding should take place as planned, and Alexis concurs and shoots Blake a fuck you smirk.
At La Mirage, Claudia coos at Adam to stop worrying so much about Amanda...but he continues to hold his head in his hands and laments about how she's never going to forget the trauma of being kidnapped. He then whines about how much more Blake likes Jeff than him, and that Blake doesn't approve of their budding romance. Claudia envelopes him into a bear hug, moans, "Tighter..", and smooches him in a show of solidarity for being totally on board with continuing their icky hookup.
Over a boring lunch at La Mirage, Lady Ashley wanks Dominique about everything she's accomplished in her life - but Dominique worries that she's somehow betraying her poor, younger self who struggled so hard to make it in the music industry. Lady Ashley tells her that she's been tapped to be the official photographer of the Moldavian wedding, and that she's falling in love [presumably with Jeff] and doesn't yet know what to do 'bout that.
Steven is playing walkie talkies with Danny at the mansion when Claudia drops by to spend some quality playtime with the tot. When Steven heads upstairs to get changed for work, an irked looking Adam asks to speak with him privately. He glares at Steven and says he's trying to figure out exactly what he is: gay? straight? bi? too confused to decide? Steven snarks back that it's none of his damn business what sexual orientation the writers want to assign him at any given time, and Adam says he's utterly fascinated by what a deviant he is (yeesh). He then orders Steven to leave Claudia alone, and to not turn to her whenever he's ashamed of hooking up with Luke...and when Steven's like, "Or what?", Adam hisses, "I'll make you wish you were never born."
Prince Michael caresses Amanda as she lays in bed beside him and gets all schmaltzy about her being a real life sleeping beauty...then says he's soooo relieved that she's OK after nearly being abducted by a group of bumbling idiots with no getaway strategy.
Over breakfast at Luke's apartment, Steven and Luke discuss their Saturday plans. Luke proposes they fly to Key West for a vacay, but Steven says he can't 'cause he has to travel to Moldavia for Amanda's wedding...and speaking of Amanda's wedding, would he like to attend as his plus one? Luke looks flattered by the invitation, but says he's worried about him flaunting their relationship to his homophobic family. Steven points out that caring for someone isn't the same as flaunting and insists he wants him there as his guest, regardless of what his shitbag of a father thinks.
Jeff is teaching Little Blake how to play chopsticks on the piano when Little Blake asks why his mommy went away. Jeff furrows his furry brows and has no answer for the troubled tot.
Jeff tells Lady Ashley that Fallon had an annoying tendency to always run away from him, and that if she is alive it's on her to deliver herself back to them. When Ashley says he'll never be happy unless he resolves the whole Fallon conundrum, he insists he's over his ex and wants her (Ashley) to be part of his future. He coos, "I love you, I want you.." while giving her another of their chemistry-free smooches.
Alexis is packing up her jewelry for the Moldavia trip when Dex enters the room. She tells him she's still pretty freaked out by her first hand account of Amanda's abduction and hates how helpless she felt as she watched it happen. She thanks him for rescuing her daughter, and he assures her that Amanda is just fine...and that while there's a tiny bit of political disgruntlement in Moldavia, overall it's a crime free country. He says his main concern is that King Galen will try to court her, and Alexis looks delighted by his jealousy - just as her manservant Lin enters the room with a cable for Dex. He instantly tears up at whatever the message is, so I'll assume it's the sad news of Rock's passing.
Blake is going over the security plan with Prince Michael and Yuri to transport Amanda and the prince to the airport prior to their flight to Moldavia. Yuri says he blames himself for the abduction and that he'd sooner die than let harm come to Prince Michael and Amanda...and an oblivious Prince Michael assures him that his devotion to the royal family is unquestioned.
Amanda bids farewell to Blake and Krystle, and excitedly says the next time they see her will be at her wedding. Squeal! Once she and Prince Michael are both out of earshot, Blake shoots Yuri the stink-eye and warns the eye-patched one that if anything happens to Amanda or the prince, he's holding him personally responsible. Yuri nods gravely and replies, "Not to worry. I know what my duty is."
En route to the airport, Prince Michael kisses Amanda and promises they'll live happily ever after...and the limo driver nods at Yuri before shooting him a sinister grin. Subtle, dude.
Jeff is staring at the Fallon portrait, which has been newly repainted to resemble Emma Samms, as he flashes back to himself telling the Emma Samms version of Fallon that she's the first girl he ever loved. Emma Samms, who struggles valiantly to conceal her British accent, returns his I love you...before Jeff carries her over to the bed and mounts her. When Jeff comes out of the flashback, he glares at the painting and screeches, "Nooooo!! Damn it! You're dead, Fallon!"
At a Los Angeles police precinct, a detective is telling a brunette with poofy hair that he needs to know what her name is if she expects him to help her. The camera then pans over to the brunette - Emma Samms, not surprisingly - as she tears up and says she has no idea what her name is, then pitifully begs, "Pleeeeease help me!"
And so begins the oddest recast in the history of primetime TV.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!