Recap: Blake summons Andy to the mansion to discuss his strategy in court tomorrow, then warns him he doesn't want anymore surprise witnesses who are going to trash-talk Steven.
Steven, Claudia, and Danny are on a plane, en route to Reno. Steven is now rethinking their quickie wedding plans and tells Claudia it's not fair to ask her to marry an ambiguously gay-straight man just so he can get custody of his son - but Claudia insists that she really really wants to show him how much he means to her. She then reminds him that Danny is his first priority, and that the only way of guaranteeing that he retain custody of the tot is to create the illusion of being in a stable, hetero marriage.
Krystle drops in on Sammy Jo at the La Mirage and admonishes her for lying about Steven during her testimony. She says her lies could prevent Steven from getting custody of Danny, thereby ensuring that Blake scores a bitter victory. Sammy Jo accuses her of making big promises about how she and Blake were going to raise Danny, but then handed him over to Steven soon after he was recast...which is totally nonsensical, since Krystle offered to raise Danny during the time everyone thought Steven was dead. She orders Krystle out of her room, and Krystle stares at her with pensive disdain and says it's a good thing her mother isn't around to see what a malevolent, self-centered brat she turned out to be...and Sammy Jo shrieks, "Get out of my rooooom!"
As Andy reads aloud his closing remarks to Blake, Blake barks at him to avoid referencing any of the lies Sammy Jo spouted about Steven. He reminds Andy that he launched this custody lawsuit to prevent his gay son and his male lover from ruining Danny's life by subjecting him to "that kind of environment" - so then Andy, who's suddenly grown a pair, tells him there's absolutely no proof that a boy raised by a gay will become - shudder! - a gay himself...which is awkward 'cause that's the crux of Blake's case against Steven. Andy says the best he can do to try to win the case is paint Steven as an unfit parent - but Blake forbids him from making any personal attacks. Andy gets fed up and outright tells Blake how much it pisses him off that he's being using as a whipping boy in this lawsuit, then suggests he drop the dumb thing and focus on getting Krystle back...maybe by treating her like a partner instead of a possession. Blake stares contemplatively into space as he mulls over the concept of treating his former trophy wife as an equal.
Jeff and Fallon are naked-cuddling in Fallon's room at the Montana Pines Lodge. Jeff wakes up in the middle of the night and quietly gets out of bed - and Fallon wakes up and wryly tells him he doesn't need to tiptoe around. Jeff sheepishly says that he and the wine are responsible for their impromptu doink, but Fallon argues that she wanted him just as much, and the two agree it was a very very good doink. That said, she urges him to forget it happened - but Jeff doesn't seem to want to, and admits that he has feelings for her that won't go away. He tells her that when he phoned Kirby earlier and told her they were in Montana together, Kirby got upset and snarked about what might happen between them. Fallon swiftly changes the subject and reminds Jeff that the reason they came to Montana was to find out exactly what kind of psychotic nut Adam really is.
Alexis wakes up in the middle of the night, calls out, "Who's there?" and runs downstairs in her silk nightgown. She anxiously searches the penthouse's main living area, but there's no sign of anyone. She calls Harold to ask him if anyone came up to her apartment, but he reminds her that that's impossible 'cause she has her elevator locked. She double-checks to make sure it really is locked, then makes a second phone call to Steven to commiserate...and gets irked at Chris when he brusquely tells her that Steven isn't home.
Steven and Claudia are in a chapel in Reno, exchange vows. Steven refers to her as "teacher, tender comrade, wife"...and after the minister pronounces them husband and wife-beard, they smooch.
Adam is in his office, typing a document on a little electric typewriter. He mutters, "Alexis Colby.." and tells himself that his latest scheme will put an end to any link between himself and mercuric oxide. When he finishes typing up the papers, he carefully places them into a folder and stares contemplatively into space.
Steven and Claudia are laying naked in bed together, after-glowing. He asks her if she's happy, and she assures him she's very very happy...and then Steven does that cringy thing that all newly married TV grooms do and tenderly refers to her as Mrs. Carrington, and says he's loved her for a looooong time. She tells him she's loved him ever since he dropped that coffee cup on her kitchen floor in Season 1 and promises to love him for the foreseeable future. As they smooch, Danny wakes up in his crib and gurgles happily...and Steven chuckles at his adorable son in his adorable onesy, but then quickly turns back into his usual glum self and says he's not looking forward to the shitstorm that awaits them in Denver. Claudia says she's pretty sure the judge will buy their matrimonial act and award them custody of Danny...but then they both stare over at Danny concernedly.
Over breakfast in the solarium, Adam asks Blake if he has any idea when Jeff and Fallon are due back in town, and Blake is like, "I dunno" and cluelessly waxes on about how happy he is to have him back at Carrington manor, as well as the family company. He asks Adam if he feels any conflict of loyalty regarding his mother, and Adam manages to keep a straight face and says, "Of course not", then admits he's worried about how Blake will react when the companies merge and they all have to be civil to Alexis on a daily basis. Blake assures him it's all good, and that no matter what happens, he has his love and no longer needs to earn it...and Adam grins devilishly.
Fallon and Jeff arrive at a ranch somewhere in Montana to talk to a cowboy dude named Jud Barrows. He confirms that a friend of his had been poisoned with mercuric oxide...and that when he figured out he had been poisoned, he hired a hot young lawyer named Michael Torrence, who got him a good settlement. Fallon pales and tells Jeff that Michael Torrence was Adam's alias/kidnapped name when he first arrived in Denver.
Adam drops by the penthouse with what he tells Alexis are some "routine papers" for her to sign. She glares at him suspiciously and asks him why he would take the time to personally deliver routine papers, so he tells her he's being super accommodating 'cause he knows she's due in court this morning. He tells her that the papers are just about some boring oil leases, and Alexis gives up carefully reading each one and just signs them, thinking she's signing multiple copies of the same document. Later, when Adam is alone in the elevator, he smirkingly rips up the fake oil lease papers, but keeps the incriminating papers he tricked Alexis into signing.
Blake arrives at the court house with media swarming all around him. Must be another slow news day in Denver. One reporter asks him if he plans on getting remarried if he's awarded custody of Danny...and when they notice Krystle arrive a few seconds later, they all run over to her and pepper her with overly personal questions that I highly doubt their reader/viewership could give a crap about:
"Do you plan to marry Blake if he gets custody of Danny...and if so, are you gonna be his new mommy?"
"Did your decision to testify for Steven derail your re-marriage plans with Blake?"
One of the male reporters physically blocks Krystle from approaching the court house, and Blake gets all in on that action and stomps over and shoves him out of her way. He then pulls back his arm as if he's really going to punch a guy who's half his age (LOL), but Andy rushes over just in time to stop the punch and pull the old goat away from the ridiculous spectacle. The reporter he almost punched says, "Phew! One thing is clear: he has a thing for the lady...whoever gets the baby" and Krystle overhears the remarks and stares pensively into space.
Inside the courtroom, Alexis snarks at Chris for evading her questions last night when she called to talk to Steven...and he continues to evade her questions and spacily says he hopes Steven makes an appearance soon.
When Steven fails to arrive, everyone in the courtroom quietly waits...and the judge looks annoyed and says he can only hear closing arguments when all parties are present. Chris sheepishly explains that his client has been unavoidably detained and requests a recess until after lunch, which the judge grants.
Back at the mansion, Kirby is packing up her things and tells Krystle she's eager to leave Denver 'cause her fairytale life has quickly become a steaming turd pile. She wants to move to Paris and make a life for her and her baby there - but Krystle reminds her that her life is in Denver, and that she owes it to Jeff to gauge how he feels about her carrying Adam's rape baby. Kirby mulls that over, then sheepishly nods.
Alexis flounces into Blake's office and smugly announces that she just got a telegram from "the government", stating it has no objection to the merger of their two companies. Blake wryly tells her he knows 'cause he got the same telegram. Alexis says that on Monday morning she's calling board meetings for both companies, then snarkishly tells Blake she hopes the Denver-Carrington board members actually show up this time. She then changes the subject and expresses her deep annoyance about not being permitted to visit Baby Blake at the mansion anymore, and complains that Fallon seems to have no interest in bringing the tot to her. Blake just shrugs disinterestedly and says it's up to Fallon. Alexis haughtily asks him if he's going to prevent her from seeing Danny, should the judge award him custody, then wails, "I won't stand for being kept away from my grandchildren!", threatens to take him to court, and storms out.
Steven finally arrives at the court house...with Claudia and Danny in tow. Chris tells the judge that delay was unavoidable, as Steven's plane was delayed due to weather. He then announces to the court that Steven and Claudia are legally married and holds up their certificate of marriage...and the camera pans around the courtroom to the various cast members and captures their dramatic reactions..
Sammy Jo: not so happy
Chris requests that the custody lawsuit be dropped on the grounds that Steven is no longer living an openly gay lifestyle - and Andy objects and remarks, "This is highly irregular." The judge agrees about the high irregularity - but overrules and asks Steven if he's truly serious about cohabitating with a woman. Steven's like, "Uh, sure..?" so the judge happily rules in his favor and summarily dismisses the custody suit.
Alexis hugs Claudia and congratulates her and Steven, and Krystle too wishes them well. Blake swallows the last scrap of pride he had left and tells the newlyweds he's glad it all worked out and that he's happy for them. Claudia graciously thanks him, while Steven shoots him the stink-eye and quietly stalks off. Krystle tells Blake she's not sorry the judge ruled against him, but is sorry for all that he lost with it...even though the situation was entirely of his own making. She then sashays out, leaving Blake to stand in the courtroom by himself, his face buried in his hands.
Fallon and Jeff are back in town and are in her La Mirage office, chatting about their investigation. Jeff says they should probably not mention what they learned in Montana to anyone except Blake...then gets a dreamy look on his face and says he'll always smile whenever he thinks of Montana. Fallon agrees that their doink was fanfuckingfantastic, and promises to keep mum about the "Michael Torrence" discovery. After Jeff leaves, Mark drops by - and, honestly, I totally forgot he was still on the show. He says he just wanted to come by and break the news that Steven and Claudia got married, and that the judge awarded them custody of Danny. Fallon's like, "Woo hoo!" and thanks him for the good news, so he looks all hopeful and says he'd like her to be less chilly to him. She's like, "Mmm...no" and tells him that he entered her life when she was particularly vulnerable - but that's changed now, and she really just wants him out of her life for good. She then tells him to skedaddle 'cause she has a phone call to make.
Steven carries Claudia over the threshold into his apartment...where the two encounter Sammy Jo. Apparently, she insisted on dropping by for a visit with Danny - despite the stern objection of his nurse/nanny. Steven's like, "What the hell?" and Sammy Jo congratulates the happy couple and sarcastically praises them for pulling the wool over the judge's eyes. She caustically wishes Claudia good luck, then snarls, "One thing will never change: I gave birth to him. I'm still his mother."
Blake meets up with Krystle at the La Mirage and thanks her for all the gracious things she said to him in the courtroom. He moans about how tired he is of losing his personal battles...but that he's most afraid of losing her. He says, "I love you very much" and she (blech) rejoins with, "I love you too." He admits shutting her out of his life and world throughout their blechy marriage, then says he's decided he'd like her to share in his business and offers her a job as top PR person at Denver-Carrington. Krystle stares back at him blankly and reminds him she knows absolutely nothing about how to run a PR department, but Blake is just like, "Ach!" and says she knows a lot and has good instincts. After mulling it over for a few seconds, she admits that the idea of having a job she's in no way qualified for intrigues her; however, she has no desire to work for Alexis, which is essentially what they'll all be doing once the companies merge. Blake assures her she won't have anything to do with Alexis (which seems really unrealistic) and Krystle grins and says, "It's very tempting!"
Kirby is sitting outside, staring into space, when Jeff arrives home. He asks her if she's OK, and she says no, and that she has something unspeakable to tell him. She's forced to put a pin in that when Jeff gets a call from Fallon, insisting they need to spill the beans about Adam to Blake right now. Kirby gets irked about the phone intrusion and asks him what that was all about, and Jeff says he can't talk about it, but that they'll discuss whatever horrific news has been eating away at her when he returns.
Jeff and Fallon tell Blake they're pretty sure that Adam was the one who poisoned Jeff last season. Jeff says the poison had to be in the paint in his office, and recalls that Adam was the person who arranged for the needless decor redo...and adds that at the time, he had sarcastically called it "a welcoming gesture". Blake buzzes his secretary and asks her to summon Adam, but she informs him he's currently out of the building. Blake tells Jeff and Fallon he refuses to buy any of this until he hears a confession from Adam (like that'll happen) and an incredulous Fallon insists it's obvious he was the culprit. Blake stubbornly says that fake accusations cost his relationship with Steven [even though that was less about fake accusations than Blake's unrelenting homophobic dickishness], and doesn't want to lose another son the same way.
And that's where the writers decided to end this episode. Weird.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!