Recap: Alexis is eating a light breakfast and reading Blake's/Krystle's wedding announcement in the newspaper. The ceremony is to be a small, intimate affair, after which the couple will honeymoon in Rio. Alexis irritably tosses the paper aside, then sashays over to the phone to call Dex. When his secretary informs her he's not in, she leaves him a message to call her back asap.
Krystle is going over some last minute PR things with Tracy, who urges her to chillax and focus on her big day. She asks Krystle if she wouldn't mind leaving her the corporate credit card, then tells her that her predecessor (Bill) gave it to her whenever he went on vacation - in case she needed to pick up the tab if something unexpected came up. Krystle looks convinced and says, "Sure!" then fishes it out of her wallet. Tracy pushes her luck one step further and says it would be great if she also gave her the keys to the confidential files. Krystle looks at her in surprise and points out that they rarely ever use them - but Tracy cites an example of when Bill was out of the office, and it was a major headache to get the confidential files she suddenly needed. Krystle mulls that over, decides why not?, and hands over the keys...and Tracy promises to guard them with her life, then leaves the office, smugly smiling to herself 'cause clearly she's a revenge seeking gal who's up to no good. A few seconds later, Blake drops by PR to remind his fiancee that she needs to start focusing on tomorrow's wedding, and she tells him she's just tying up some loose ends.
Jeff tells Kirby she doesn't need to immediately file for divorce, but Kirby insists on ending this mockery of a marriage as soon as humanly possible. She says that as soon as Blake and Krystle leave for their honeymoon she's going to see a lawyer, and Jeff's like, "OK, whatevs" and heads downstairs to the gym. Kirby suddenly has a pain in her stomach and starts panting...but a few seconds later, it appears to subside.
Alexis is enjoying a visit with Baby Blake in her penthouse when Fallon arrives to pick him up. Alexis says she heard she's dating Peter De Vilbis, then warns her that he's nothing but a vapid, Eurotrashy playboy. Fallon argues that, on the contrary, he's a man with money and style - bwahaha! - and Alexis chuckles at the mention of the creepy man's style and says she knows first-hand what a burned out, overindulged shell of a used-up partygoer he is and warns that he'll cause her nothing but heartbreak. Fallon snarks that she isn't interested in her "jet set gossip" and says she finds Peter to be a hardworking, sensitive soul. Alexis quips, "And not too shabby in bed?" and Fallon snaps that it's none of her business, then warns her to not slip into his bed after a pretend doink the way she did with Mark last season...'cause gross. Mark overhears the last bit of that interaction, waits until Fallon has exited the penthouse, and tells Alexis it looks like she's made another enemy. Alexis breezily says it's normal for mothers and daughters to argue...and Mark laughs at the way she truly seems to believe her own BS. He warns her that the day will come when she has no one except him to count on...which is a bad thing 'cause he's only in this arrangement for the money.
Jeff is dressed in unsightly '80s short shorts, working his leg muscles, when Adam slithers into the gym to complain again about how he and Kirby refuse to speak to him about the Rape Spawn Situation. He says he has no intention of standing on the sidelines while he (Jeff) raises his child...and Jeff points out that since he'll probably be living under the same roof as the kid, he'll be able to get a glimpse of it from time to time. Adam insists that it's his right for the ickily-conceived baby to know that he's its father, and Jeff reminds him that the pregnancy only came about because he raped Kirby. He snarls, "Did you think those screams for help were cries of passion?!" and Adam's like, "Well...d'yuh" and says he refuses to let the matter go. Jeff snaps, "You'd better!" and storms out of the gym.
Alexis drops by Blake's office to offer a contrived proposal: turn her art studio into an adorable playhouse for Baby Blake so that he has a place to run free...'cause apparently the forty room mansion he lives in and acres of surrounding property isn't quite vast enough. She tells Blake she can have her workmen begin renovations first thing tomorrow, but Blake firmly says no, and that he knows full well that this is all a ruse to disrupt his wedding tomorrow. His secretary buzzes him to needlessly confirm his honeymoon reservation in Rio, and names the hotel so that Alexis can make a mental note of it and later use the information to her advantage. Alexis gets a dreamy look on her face and reminisces about their honeymoon all those years ago, but Blake growls that if he'd had any idea how cunty she would eventually turn out to be, he'd have ended the marriage a lot sooner. Alexis reminds him that they share three children - something Krystle will never be able to give him...and he goes, "Maybe so" but says she fills a void in his life that she (Alexis) will never understand. He then bellows at her to get the hell out of his office.
Peter runs into Claudia at the La Mirage and tells her that his architect is arriving next week and that he wants to ensure that a fancy suite is booked for him. Claudia leads him into Fallon's office to look into it...and he brazenly checks out her ass as she bends across Fallon's desk to retrieve the file. He then gets all in her personal space and tells her how happy Fallon is with her work. When he starts to get touchy-feely, Claudia snaps, "Please don't!", tells him she has work to do, and cringes. Peter asks her why she's getting so upset and says in a creepishly hushed voice that he was only paying her a compliment. She argues, "It's more like a pass" and threatens to tell Fallon about his icky behavior - but then he counter-threatens to deny it and asks her who she thinks Fallon will believe. Fallon suddenly enters the office and smilingly greets Peter with a kiss, while a revolted Claudia quietly slinks out of the room.
Blake and Krystle are aboard his private jet...though it's unclear why they'd be flying anywhere the day before their wedding. Blake gabbles about how their wedding is going to be a reaffirmation of all the wonderful years they spent together as douchebag and trophy wife. After a blechy smooch, he hands her a jewelry box, and she opens it and is delighted to find an expensive looking necklace.
The caterers, flower deliverymen, etc. arrive at Carrington manor to set up for the big day. Fallon ambles into the kitchen as the staff prepares the delicious spread. She eyes the massive, four tier cake, probably thinks back to when she ate the edible bride and groom at Blake's/Krystle's first wedding, then grins and says, "One for the good guys!"
Alexis is anxiously trying to get a hold of Dex when Steven enters the penthouse. He asks her why she summoned him here today and reminds her that he's attending Blake's/Krystle's wedding in a few hours. Alexis announces that she's giving him one thousand shares of ColbyCo stock for his birthday, then cheekily says, "Feel free to tell Blake." She tells him she wants to plan a small dinner party to celebrate his birthday - but Steven informs her that Claudia has already arranged a birthday dinner that will coincide with Blake's and Krystle's post-honeymoon homecoming from Rio. Alexis looks miffed and reluctantly agrees to consider delaying her party...but as soon as Steven leaves, Alexis gets on the phone with Claudia and tells her she's on her way to La Mirage so they can have a chat.
Alexis invokes the "conflict" around Steven's birthday celebration, and an irate Claudia says she should have just asked Steven if he had plans before "dreaming all of this up". Alexis says she can't help her "sudden inspirations", then asks her if she wouldn't mind changing the date of her birthday/homecoming party. Claudia says she would, actually, and that Blake and Krystle have already accepted her invitation. Alexis rolls her eyes and tells her she made a horrendous mistake nudging Steven toward making amends with Blake - but Claudia disagrees with that, and says she doesn't push Steven to do anything he doesn't want to do. She calls Blake "a fabulous guy" (LOL - say what?!) and insists that Steven is a happier person now that they've kissed and made up...and that it's her problem if she can't accept that Blake is now a part of Steven's life. Alexis pretends to applaud her bluntness, then says she intends to solve the Birthday Party Scheduling Conflict one way or another.
Alexis calls her secretary to let him know that she won't be back for awhile 'cause she has a problem that needs solving.
Guests begin arriving at Carrington manor for the wedding. Andy keeps Blake company while he gets dressed and jokingly asks him if he signed a prenup in order to protect Krystle's wealth and assets. Har har. Blake chuckles and asks him what his investigation into Peter De Vilbis turned up, and Andy says he checks out. He has a solid family background, good business sense, and appears to be a high roller. Blake nods approvingly and says he definitely likes the sound of that last thing.
Fallon gives Krystle a lucky penny, aka something borrowed for her wedding ensemble. She says she hopes that she and Blake end up happily ever after, and Krystle hugs her and promises she'll do her damnedest to stay married to the old goat this time...then smilingly hints that she may have to loan the penny back to her if she and Peter decide to tie the knot. [Um, they've known each other for five minutes...but OK.] Fallon grins and coyly says, "Maybe. Maybe not" then tells her to keep the penny polished just in case.
Blake stammers at Steven about all the acrimony that has existed between them in past seasons...and glosses over how all that dysfunction was largely his fault. He insists that he's always wanted to be the best father he could ever have, and Steven says, "I know" and that he never stopped needing him...and the two hug. That was schmaltzy and nauseating, but it's better than having to watch these two have screaming matches in the study.
Kirby interrupts mingling with wedding guests so that she can flee to the study and pant as she endures another bout of stomach pain. Adam follows her, wanting - once again - to discuss his rape spawn. He tells Kirby he wants his child to know him as a father, 'cause he knows first-hand the pain of growing up fatherless [even though growing up fatherless is probably a whole lot more pleasant than being parented by Blake]. He then says, "You can't let our child go through life with the name Colby" and Kirby informs him that her baby won't be a Carrington or a Colby; it'll be an Anders. A bemused Adam asks her if Jeff is OK with that, and she breaks the news that she intends to divorce Jeff in the immediate future. Adam perks up and proposes that the minute her divorce is final, she can marry him! Kirby cringes in horror and goes, "Noooo! Ew!" but Adam insists, "We have to, Kirby" and says it's important to him and the baby. Kirby barks at him to get it through his thick skull that she does not love him, then waddles out of the study.
Wedding time! Krystle makes her grand entrance on the landing of the stairs, decked out in a satiny blue dress and matching hat - a very appropriate outfit, I thought, for an older bride who's marrying the same rich old goat a second time. The Carringtons happily look on as Krystle slowly glides down the stairs. When she reaches the main floor, Blake smiles at her goofily, and the two stand in front of each other and hold hands while the camera slowly fades out for a commercial break. Weird.
Blake and Krystle enter the ballroom and walk up the aisle together toward the minister. Peter is sitting in the seat behind Claudia, gazing at the back of her head and smirking. What a weirdo.
Dex saunters into Alexis' office, smugly smirking about the nine urgent phone messages she left for him. She rushes over to him, fondles his face, and breathily tells him how happy she is to see him. After a few minutes of intense smooching, he says that all this sexy attention is making his head swell. Alexis leads him over to the couch, and he mounts her as the two start going at it.
Blake and Krystle exchange vows and are pronounced husband and wife for a second time. As they seal their blechy re-union with a kiss, the guests applaud...then crowd around the couple to offer their congratulations.
After their impromptu nooner, Dex asks Alexis what's on her mind, and she forces a look of excitement on her face and proposes they go into business together mining Brazilian minerals...and to that end, she has booked them on the next flight to Rio! He asks her what the hurry is - and Alexis says she wants to start dealing in the business of minerals, like pronto. Dex says he heard that Blake and Krystle are planning to honeymoon in Rio, then asks her if she's really got nothing better to do with her time than screw up their lives. Alexis looks faux insulted at the accusation and poutishly asks him how he could possibly think that there's any connection between her ex-husband's honeymoon destination and her sudden desire to fly to Brazil to mine minerals. She says she's the head of a powerful corporation and merely wants to make it rich and powerful. Dex wryly says, "Nice performance", says it's painfully obvious that she still has a thing for Blake, and makes it clear that he has no intention of sharing her with anyone. Alexis says she loathes her ex-husband, and that only she will decide on her romantic exclusivity. She then announces she has an appointment, and sexily sashays out of the room.
At the wedding reception, everyone is dancing...including Blake, who is singing to Krystle. OMG please stop. When he takes a break to smooch her, everyone ahhhhs and claps.
Peter smooches Fallon's neck and says he's eager to leave - but Fallon says it's proper form to stay until the bride and groom make their departure. Across the room, Claudia glares at him as he nuzzles Fallon's neck while staring back at her creepishly. A few minutes later, the gigantic wedding cake is wheeled out, and Krystle cuts the first piece and, mercifully, doesn't do that awful annoying thing where brides mash cake into their new husbands' faces. Why did that ever become a thing?
Kirby goes upstairs to lay down, and it looks like she's having stomach pain again. Jeff enters the room and asks her if she's OK, and she snappishly tells him she has a headache and to leave her the hell alone.
Krystle and Blake change into their travel clothes...and Krystle tosses her bouquet from the landing of the stairs. Fallon (of course) catches it, and Peter hugs her as Jeff glares in their direction.
Alexis returns to her penthouse and orders Mark to pack up 'cause they have a plane to catch. He's all, "Wha-a? But I have plans!" and she tells him to cancel his unauthorized plans, then haughtily reminds him that she told him when he was hired that he'd have to be available to her twenty-four hours a day. He gives in and asks where they're going, and she giddily announces, "Rio!" and gives him the name of the hotel they'll be staying at - but refrains from telling him that it's the very same hotel where Blake and Krystle will be honeymooning. Uh oh! Drama alert!
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