Dynasty - Season 3, Episode 3

"I'm ruffled, veiled and ready to wed!"

"The Wedding"
Original airdate: 10/20/1982

Episode summary: Baby Blake is safely rescued from his kidnapper, Alfred Grimes, and reunited with his family. Fallon tells Blake she wants to move out of the mansion and live a more meaningful life. Alexis marries Cecil minutes before he suffers a fatal heart attack.

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Recap: After the horror of watching Claudia's doll baby plunge to its death from the roof of Hotel Rosslyn, the Carringtons grimly make their way down to ground level. By this time, a crowd of reporters and photographers have arrived on the scene and shout questions about Baby Blake and/or the dead doll baby, but police manage to hold them back. Blake asks Jeff to think hard about anyone else who might have had an unusual interest in his son, so Jeff tells him that Alfred Grimes, the creepy caretaker at the cemetery, made a bunch of weird comments about the baby being a rich Colby/Carrington heir - plus, he mentioned knowing Nick Toscanni. Blake perks up at that, and he and Jeff scamper over to the police to tell them this tidbit. The two then climb into a police car and head off to pursue this possible new lead, and Krystle and a despondent Fallon head back to the mansion.

Alfred Grimes is hanging at his shitty little house with Baby Blake when a small army of squad cars arrive. He peeks out the front window and sees Blake leap out of one of the vehicles and lead the charge toward the front door (LOL), so he grabs the baby and flees through the back door - which somehow the police didn't think to cover. Blake, Jeff, and a hapless police officer burst through the front door...and Blake quickly scans the living room and spots Baby Blake's pacifier. He picks it up and solemnly shows it to Jeff. Al, meanwhile, is weaving down a nearby alley clutching a heavily swaddled inanimate stunt baby - and it's clear he has no idea where he's going [or, I'm guessing, why he kidnapped the baby in the first place]. A police officer runs into the living room of Al's house and urgently announces, "He ran out the back! He's got the baby!" so Blake's like, "Come on, Jeff!" and the two race out the back door with the hapless police officer trailing behind them (LOL). Al clumsily crashes into a woman who's carrying groceries...and Blake, Jeff, and a group of cops engage in the pursuit of the old man. A cop on a motorcycle cuts off Al at the end of one alley...and then he gets cornered on the other end by Blake, Jeff, and the rest of the cops. Al glances around shiftily and warns everyone to stand back, and Jeff glares at him and demands that he hand over his son. Al wisely decides that the jig is up, so he carefully hands the infant over to Jeff...and once the tot is safe, Blake barks at the cops, "Let's grab him!" - bwahaha! - and lunges at Al before the cops pry him off the old man. Al insists that the kidnapping wasn't his idea, then says, "He set it all up...Toscanni. He paid me to do it. He made me do it!" and Blake scrunches his wrinkly face in confusion and is all, "Wha-a?!"

"I wish I knew where I was going!"

"Watch out! Man with a baby! Man with a baby!"

"I still don't have a plan.."

"I guess the doomed jig is up."

"Give me my son!"

"Here you go...oops, careful with his little head."

Blake and Jeff are in the back of a police car, and the baby is safely cooing in Jeff's arms. Blake tells Jeff that Al Grimes is Roger Grimes' father, then reminds viewers that Roger Grimes was the man whose baloney pony Alexis was riding all those years ago when they were married and he arrived home from a business trip earlier than expected. Blake breezily recalls, "I guess I beat him up [um...nearly to death], and the story got around town that I had paid him off to keep the thing quiet." Jeff reminds him that the sordid details of his psychotic reaction to finding his wife in the sack with another man was revealed during the Enter Alexis episode, and Blake deduces that Nick must have read about it and "found the perfect man to work with"...meaning, someone who wanted to get even with him. He shakes his head and mutters, "Oh Toscanni... I swear to you, Jeff - I won't rest until I find him and make him pay for this." No you won't, Blake. Now that the baby has been safely recovered, the writers are dropping all Nick related storylines faster than Roger Grimes dropped his pants to bone your ex-wife.

Claudia is at the mansion, packing her things under the stern supervision of an official from the sanitarium she's about to be shipped off to. Jeff enters the room to see whassup, and she spacily tells him she's going away...but doesn't know why. He tells her she's a good and beautiful woman...but she argues that she's a sick, ugly woman who's been toting around her dead daughter's old doll, which I'd say is definitely more of an apt description of the lunatic she's degenerated into since the Season 1 finale. She explains that she was taking care of the doll until Lindsay returns, and Jeff refrains from laughing and caustically retorting, "Nice job!" He stares at her concernedly and says he didn't mean to hurt her and that he loved her during the very brief period they doinked. He says, "It was a very special time for me...and I did love you." (Er, OK..?) Claudia grins like an idiot and picks up a stuffed dog and hugs it to her chest, then explains that it too belonged to Lindsay...and Jeff looks weirded out by her loopiness.

As Claudia makes her way toward the grand staircase, she stops in front of Joseph and shakes his hand. She thanks him for being kind to her, and he warily replies, "I have tried." LOL. She then bids adieu to the maids - some of whom are crying, which is weird 'cause when would they have formed an emotional attachment to this nut? As she descends the staircase, she looks around spacily and says, "Goodbye to you, sweet house." Blake, who's waiting for her at the foot of the stairs, gives her a kiss on the cheek and assures her that everything will be OK. Claudia nods at him, then walks over to where Krystle is standing and says, "Beautiful Krystle...who was always kind to me, even when I wasn't kind to her." The two women hug, and everyone watches Claudia amble toward the front door in this bizarre, needlessly dragged out goodbye scene.

Cecil is finally out of his bubble, and the doctor remarks to the nurse that his vital signs are stable. Alexis enters the room, and the nurse snarks at her to not disturb Cecil while he sleeps. The doctor asks her to step outside so they can speak privately...and once they're in the hallway, Alexis haughtily informs him that Cecil wants to marry her in a bedside wedding. The doctor bitchily replies that he won't allow it, then rudely excuses himself to attend to other patients. A chubby nurse (who doesn't seem to hate Alexis) tells her she just heard the wonderful news on the radio. Alexis is all, "Wuh?" so the nurse explains that there was just a news bulletin about Baby Blake's dramatic rescue from his kidnapper. Alexis looks happy and relieved, then quickly contorts her face in order to appear upset and perplexed.

At Carrington manor, Fallon tenderly places Baby Blake in his crib and tears up. Blake tip-toes into the room, and she gushes about how happy she is to have her son back and thanks him for launching the rescue effort (LOL), then tells him she loooves him. Blake looks pretend modest and tells her that Jeff also had something to do with saving him, but Fallon is just like, "Meh.." Nurse Susan enters the nursery - she still works at the mansion? - and says she'd like to give the baby his bottle. Blake just kind of smiles and is like whatever, while Fallon looks less than thrilled and shoots the nurse a very narrowed stink-eye. 

"Isn't he perfect and precious?"

"I miss Al."

Alexis storms over to Carrington manor and rails at Blake for not informing her about her grandson's rescue. He explains that they were so preoccupied with rushing the tot to a doctor once he was found that no one thought about anything or anyone else. She whirls around in her awesome, dramatic way and poutishly retorts, "I am not just anyone else!" and bitches at him some more. She then invokes the televised plea and reminds him that he wanted to shut her up when she insisted on talking about Adam's kidnapping...and he wryly recalls that he didn't exactly succeed. Krystle suddenly enters the room and tells Blake there's a phone call for him...and after he scurries off to the study, she orders Alexis to leave the mansion, then snarks at her to leave Blake alone because he's still very upset about losing Adam. Alexis growls, "How dare you talk to me about my son!" then complains about how everything/everyone is described as belonging to Blake. She vows that the Carringtons will be hearing from her again, then taunts Krystle by referring to her as Krystle Jennings Carrington, past and future secretary. She angrily flounces out of the room, leaving Krystle staring after her in pensive confusion. 

Alexis cools her heels in the hospital's waiting room while Cecil visits with his attorney. After a few minutes, the attorney comes out and greets Alexis warmly. She asks him if he and Cecil had a good meeting, and he says it went well, then tells her that Cecil is anxious to talk to her about something super important.

Cecil is sitting up and drinking juice and looking a lot better than when he was laying in his bubble. Alexis sweeps into his room and greets him with a kiss. He tells her he just spoke with his attorney about the most important business of his life, then sadly adds, "How ever much longer I have left." Alexis optimistically replies, "At least fifty years!" and he chuckles, as that would make him live to be a  hundred...and that's highly unlikely, considering his bum heart. He announces that the two of them are going to be married: tomorrow at 3pm. He tells her he's making all the arrangements and that all she has to do is show up. As she grins happily, he creepily asks, "Does the groom get a kiss to seal the pact? Destroy Blake and all that?" Alexis smiles and breathlessly replies, "Yes!" and the two start making out.

Fallon returns to the nursery, still irked that Nurse Susan remains employed as her son's baby nurse. I'm confused why she's still employed by the Carringtons. I would have thought her police record, the past affair with Nick Toscanni, her open hostility against Fallon, and the throwing of the wine glass in the kitchen would have been more than enough to have gotten her canned by now. Nurse Susan tells Fallon her son seems healthy and that he drank the entire bottle, but Fallon just snarks that if she'd been doing her job, her son wouldn't have been kidnapped. Jeff happens to enter the nursery at that moment and barks, "Cut it out!" and Fallon turns on him and admonishes him for hiring Nurse Susan in the first place. Jeff orders her to apologize to Nurse Susan, but she just glares at him in mute anger.

Krystle finds Blake relaxing in front of the fire in the study. He says he's exhausted, but also relieved that the kidnapping storyline has finally been resolved. She urges him to come to bed, and he gazes at her lovingly and asks her why she's so good to him. She's like, "I dunno. Maybe 'cause you're so cute." She adds that he's also handsome, intelligent, loving, and resourceful [and, most importantly, rich]...and he grins at her before she leans in for a big smooch. Gross.

Jeff sees Nurse Susan descending the stairs with her suitcases, and she tells him that Fallon just fired her in a nasty manner. He tries to explain that Fallon has been under enormous stress since the kidnapping and offers to try to change her mind, but Nurse Susan tells him she'd rather not work under such bitchy conditions and leaves the mansion. Jeff stares after her looking peeved, then storms over to the nursery - where Fallon is hovering over the baby's crib - and rails at her for resenting Nurse Susan because of her blechy affair with Nick. Fallon makes it clear she only feels disgust for the man, and that she's sick of Jeff always being so judgey. She snatches up the phone and orders Joseph to set up a bed in the nursery so she can spend her nights with her son...and Jeff looks miffed and dickishly snarks, "That's great. Terrific. Pleasant dreams!" and storms out.

The next morning at breakfast, Fallon tells Blake that her marriage to Jeff is definitely not working out. She says she'd like to move out of the mansion with Baby Blake, then take a hard look at herself and figure out who she is [a vapid, self-centered sloth] and live a more meaningful life than the aimless, self-indulgent existence she's been lapping up until now. Blake says, "You're a mother. Isn't that purpose enough?" and Fallon says she needs to be on her own, like other grown adults who don't live with their parents...and somehow prove she's "a worthwhile human being" [even though she's the opposite of that]. Blake assures her she is worthwhile, but Fallon guffaws and snarkishly retorts, "For a girl. Steven was the boy. Fallon was the toy." Blake agrees to not stand in her way and tells her to look at his company's various holdings and pick out something she might like - regardless of how ill suited or unqualified she may be for the undeserved position. After she flounces upstairs, Joseph enters the room with the day's paper, which has an article entitled Is Adam Carrington Still Alive? Blake says it looks like the reporter he spoke with during the previous episode went ahead and wrote the article even though he asked her not to...and he stares into space looking distressed.

Fallon skulks around the La Mirada Hotel and takes notes. She notices Adam, who's on a pay phone...and he catches her gaze and the two smile at each other appreciatively. [This is ickily reminiscent of when Fallon and Cecil doinked in Season 1, and then came close to being father and daughter. Gross, writers! Gross.] Adam is trying to get info on Frank Eastman, an old oil crony who once knew Blake, so he can use the intel as a way to set up a meeting with him...or some such thing. The hotel clerk remarks to Adam that today's paper includes a story about the kidnapping of Adam Carrington, and derisively adds, "The rich can't buy themselves a lost kid." He then mentions that Blake Carrington owns this hotel, and Adam looks surprised.

Over at Denver-Carrington, Blake tells Fallon he's been trying to dump the La Mirada for years. She pleads, "Dump it with me!" and he asks, "What do you know about hotels?" and she poutishly retorts, "Don't get personal." She explains that the cash situation at the hotel is "too fat" and that she'd like to reinvest the surplus back into the hotel and give the property a fresh new look. In exchange, she promises not to move out of the mansion and will even put off the divorce...though she insists on separate bedrooms so she doesn't have to feel guilty once she starts sleeping around. She asks Blake if they have a deal, and he grins at her, so I guess we can take that as a yes.

By scripted coincidence, Adam ends up in the elevator with Fallon...and the two stare at each other again and flirt. He recalls that he saw her at the La Mirada Hotel earlier and introduces himself as Michael Torrence from Montana. He refers to the two of them as "kindred spirits" (sorry - but I kinda tuned out here, so I forget how or why he'd come to that conclusion) and they both decide they're very attractive people. It's weird that Fallon neglected to introduce herself, 'cause then the jig (at least from Adam's perspective) would have been up right then and there.

Alexis breezes into the Carrington kitchen and tells Krystle she's handing over the deed to her studio to Baby Blake, now that she's marrying Cecil and moving to his fancy estate. She babbles about how she's going to teach this town how to party, then excitedly heads out for her wedding. She snidely tells Krystle she knows she wishes her all the best, but Krystle just stares back at her with mute pensiveness.

Adam enters Blake's office at Denver-Carrington pretending to be Frank Eastman's nephew...but the ruse quickly falls apart when Blake informs him that Frank died two years ago, and then accuses him of being the caller from Billings who was asking questions about his long lost son. Adam admits that he lied about being Frank's nephew so he could get access to his office, then stares at him intently and says, "Your long lost son is here with you." Blake picks up the phone and threatens to have him thrown out of the building...but Adam begs him to give him a minute to make his case, so Blake puts the phone back down. Adam tells him that an old woman who pretended to be his grandmother his whole life told him on her death bed that she kidnapped him from a baby carriage twenty-five years ago. He didn't believe her at first, but now thinks she may have been telling the truth. He'd like Blake's help accessing his birth records, but Blake informs him that the hospital in which his son was born burned down. He orders Adam to get out...and Adam discreetly clutches the silver rattle he had as a baby and is about to show it to him, but then assumes that Blake would just call it a lie. He whirls around, glares at Blake, and says that now that he's met him, he's happy not to be his son. Blake snaps, "Get the hell outta here!" and Adam storms out just as Jeff enters. He asks Blake who that was, and Blake says, "Nobody. Absolutely nobody." 

"I'm Adam, your long lost son."

"I see. Then I'll treat you as bitchily as I always treated my other son. Get the hell out of my office!"

It's wedding time at the hospital! Alexis arrives decked out in a ridiculously ruffled gown and elaborate veil and is carrying a big bouquet...and as Cecil gushes about how stunning she is, she pins a boutonniere on him. The doctor advises Cecil against straining himself this way [and ruining the last few minutes of his life by marrying Alexis], but he insists on controlling his own destiny. He says he's an anxious bridegroom who could drop dead at any moment, and would therefore like the reverend to do the quickie version of the vows. He then presents his blushing bride with a diamond encrusted ring, and she breathlessly coos, "It's lovely." The ceremony gets underway, and Cecil suddenly grows pale and deliberately stalls when the reverend asks him if he takes this woman to be his wife. He finally says, "I do" and he and Alexis exchange rings and are officially pronounced husband and wife. Alexis lifts her veil as though she's a demure virgin, and leans toward him so they can share a long, post nuptial smooch. Cecil asks everyone (the doctor, nurse, and reverend) to leave the room, then snidely asks Alexis if she was worried he was going to keel over before he could say I do. (Well, d'yuh.) He then takes a sudden turn toward Crazy Town and tells her he wants to leap into his grave laughing...knowing that he's left her with all of his power and money - and with her and Blake at each other's throats. When she gives him a WTF? stare, he caustically asks her if this "honeymoon talk" is upsetting her, then starts railing about her wedding night with Blake more than two decades ago. He becomes so agitated by the disturbing visual that his heart suddenly conks out on him. He contorts his face in pain, moans, "Oww!" and suffers a fatal heart attack while Alexis shrieks, "Wha-at's wrong?!"

"...in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part."

"And by 'til, I mean about ten seconds from now."

"This marriage is making me nauseous."

"Owww!"

"Would it help if I smacked you across the face like last time?"

"How about a direct punch to the groin?"

Alexis rushes out to summon the doctor, and he runs in with the nurse...and the two unbutton Cecil's shirt so they can shock his heart with the paddles. Incidentally, Cecil has a really hairy chest...like, ape territory. The doctor tries desperately to get Cecil's heart beating again...but it's all in vain, 'cause this time he's definitely a flatliner. Plus, he looks really really dead. When it's clear he can no longer be revived, Alexis looks down at her husband with a sad, pouty expression. 

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