Dynasty - Season 1, Episode 13
Recap: Fallon is decked out in a pink designer pantsuit and heels, strutting around the ginormous Carrington swimming pool to get to where Jeff is lazing on a lounger, reading the paper. She asks him if he's going to work today, and he just shrugs and goes, "Why? Everyone sees me as a lounge lizard." He tells her he plans on lounging around some more, then will maybe do some shopping later - and send Blake (or her) the bill. Haha! Fallon whines that her car's in the shop and that she needs him to drop her off somewhere. Michael's busy chauffeuring Blake and Krystle somewhere, and for some reason she doesn't want to borrow Krystle's car. Jeff tells her to call a taxi, and she gets annoyed and invokes the spectacle he made of himself during The Birthday Party episode. She says he embarrassed her, Blake, and Cecil, particularly when he "messed around" with Cecil's loopy girlfriend. Jeff looks amused and says he rather enjoyed causing his uncle so much pain and embarrassment. Fallon's like, "What. Ever" and impatiently orders him to get dressed and drive her into town. Jeff grumbles at her to stop bugging him, then gets up to leave...and as he walks past her, he roughly shoves her into the pool, which was so awesome and made me laugh out loud.
Claudia drives over to the rig to unexpectedly drop in on Matthew. Now that her affair with Steven is a definite no-go, she decides to direct all of her romantic cuddliness toward her husband. She hugs and kisses him, then moans, "I need to be close to you", and clings to his arm really tightly while they go for a short walk. He asks her whaddup with the excessive canoodling, so she says she wants them to leave Denver and make a fresh start somewhere far far away. Matthew furrows his brows in puzzlement and tells her that the rig is their fresh start, to which she mutters, "Not for me." He explains that striking oil and building something for their family is what he came home from the Middle East for, and that it's just starting to work...but she ignores all that and insists that leaving Denver is really really important to her. Matthew looks slightly suspicious and asks her what she's trying to run away from, and she mumbles that it should just be enough that she's asking, but now realizes it's not. She gives him a kiss, assures him it's all good, then heads back to her car.
Michael drops off Blake and Krystle in front of an office building. They meet with some old guy who's holding the emerald necklace that Krystle pawned five looong episodes ago [writers, have mercy!], and it looks like he's appraising it. Blake looks annoyingly smug, while a despondent Krystle stares pensively into space. Blake tells the appraiser he paid $60,000 for the necklace - which, in my opinion, is a fucking insane amount of money to pay for a single piece of jewelry, but then I'm not a gazillionaire like Blake is - and asks him how much it's worth now. The appraiser says it's worth somewhere in the neighborhood of $70,000, and Blake pretends to be pleasantly surprised and goes, "Hmm...seventy!" while staring over at Krystle. Looking puzzled and stricken, Krystle asks the appraiser if he's sure about the amount, so he explains that he sometimes ups the price in order to leave a margin for profit, and she stammers, "That's, uh, not what I meant." Blake butts in and smugly asks, "What did you mean, darling?" and Krystle just stares back him mutely. The room is deathly silent for what seems like a looong time, and finally the appraiser offers to cut Blake a check for the necklace. Blake declines and says his wife "seems partial" to the necklace, so he's decided they'll keep it after all.
Michael chauffeurs the two back to the mansion, and as they exit the car, Blake remarks to Krystle that she's perspiring. She mumbles that she doesn't feel very well, and Blake looks amused and calls her "tight as a drum". He then clamps his hand on her arm and forcibly steers her inside the mansion, then into the library...and along the way, he orders Joseph to bring them some brandy.
In the next scene, Krystle is guzzling her brandy, and Blake looks fake wide-eyed and goes, "What's wrong?" She comes right out and tells him she knows the whole necklace appraisal meeting was a set-up, 'cause obviously he's known for awhile that she hocked the dumb thing...and that he was the "South American gentleman" who bought it from whoever she pawned it to. She chides him for his elaborate passive-aggressiveness in forcing her to endure an embarrassing charade for the sole purpose of punishing her as though she were a five year old. Blake gruffly tells her it's all over, then sanctimoniously declares, "I believe you've learned your lesson." She stares at her hateful troll of a husband incredulously and asks, "What lesson?" then says she doesn't think she did anything wrong. He raises his eyebrows and goes, "Oh?" and snarks at her that Matthew Blaisdel isn't his charity. She asks him why he's so annoyingly obsessed with destroying Matthew, but he doesn't really answer and says it's over now - and she should shut up about it and let it pass. She angrily retorts that this tedious pawned necklace storyline will never truly be over...not until she signs some sort of affidavit promising not to doink Matthew behind his back. Haha.. She accuses Blake of wanting to lock her away in his mausoleum of a house, where she's not allowed to see or talk to anyone and, "Only come out when you choose to display me on bank holidays and Valentine's Day." Hee! You go, girl!
Joseph barges into the library to remind Blake that he has an appointment downtown, then hands him a large, gift-wrapped box. Blake dismissively tells Krystle they'll discuss this later, and abruptly gets up and leaves. Krystle continues to sit on the leather couch, despondently staring into space. Joseph points out that she hasn't finished her brandy, so she tells him she doesn't want it and to take it away...then quickly corrects herself and says, "Or have it taken away" and says she knows how bent out of shape he gets whenever she orders him to do something that should be delegated to a servant of more lowly status. Haha! Joseph snootily retorts that he doesn't like her tone, and doesn't feel that she's in any position to speak to him this way. [She's married to the douchewad in charge, so she is, actually.] He snidely adds, "I belong here, you don't." Krystle threatens to tattle to Blake on him, and he retorts that Blake doesn't appear to be very pleased with her at the moment. True enough, but considering Blake's fickle nature, that could change in an instant...and an uppity butler such as himself, who frequently lips off to the lady of the house, could find himself out on his ass. It's really odd that Joseph isn't more savvy or strategic about his level of civility toward his master's wife.
Ted has just gotten out of the shower when he hears a knock on the door. He answers it thinking Steven just forgot his key, but finds Blake standing on his doorstep - ack!! Blake smiles politely and asks him if he knows where Steven Carrington's apartment is, and when Ted tells him he's in the right place, Blake's smile quickly turns into a dismayed grimace. He introduces himself and asks if Steven's home, and Ted just kind of stares at him with a stricken expression. He invites Blake inside and tells him his name is Ted Dinard and that he's an old friend of Steven's...so then Blake goes on a pointless tangent about how Dinard is the name of a little town in Britain he once drove through. Blake asks Ted where exactly he knows Steven from: New York? (of the curious New York ways??), but Ted wisely fibs and tells him that he and Steven went to Princeton together. Blake starts nattering about how he was negligent about visiting his son while he was at Princeton (shocker), but says he did meet the university's president. He then puts Ted to the test and asks him to name Princeton's president, and Ted helplessly flails around for an answer just as Steven arrives home. Is it a reasonable thing to expect people to remember the name of the president where they went to university - years after they graduated? Ted tells Blake that he and his dad were just talking about the good old days at Princeton (wink wink) and then scurries out of the room like a frightened mouse. Blake tells Steven he's gotten good reports on his work performance at the refinery, then hands him the gift-wrapped box. Ah yes...the "romantic" housewarming present that Blake ordered Krystle to buy for Steven on their behalf. Steven unwraps it and finds an ice bucket...which doesn't seem in any way romantic to me. Blake suddenly cuts the visit short and says he has to get going, then invites Steven to come to the mansion for dinner later with Ted...but Steven says they can't 'cause they're, uh, meeting up with a bunch of other Princeton friends later. Subtle, Steven. He then tells his dad he'll be by another time to pick up the rest of his stuff. He and Blake shake hands as though they're business associates, and once Blake has safely exited the apartment, Ted emerges from the bedroom looking sheepish.
Michael arrives at the mansion with Fallon's fancy car, which has just been serviced by a mechanic. Michael admonishes her for not appreciating or giving a crap about how recklessly she drives her vehicle, and tells her it needs to be handled "like a woman". That's a weird thing to say about a car...to a woman. He calls her a spoiled brat, but then caresses her face and tries to kiss her (did this man learn nothing from the Beating episode??), but she shoves him away from her and gets into the driver's seat. He jokes that he'd love to shove her into the swimming pool (haha! me too!) and she continues to ignore him, and squeals out of the driveway.
Steven and Ted have just finished having dinner out and stroll out of the restaurant. Ted asks him if he misses New York, then reminisces about the time they went to see Pavarotti. He makes a snooty crack about the sub-par cinema offerings in Denver - the only source of entertainment in this pissant town - but Steven tells him he can't go to the movies 'cause he has to study for his Petroleum 101 university course. Ted accuses him of wanting to be just like Blake and being in "emotional limbo", but Steven insists he knows what he wants. Ted suddenly gives up on the dull conversation and tells Steven to go home and study, and that he'll take in a film by himself.
Ted makes a beeline over to the book store where Claudia works. He tells her who he is, and she says she recognizes him from a photo she once ran across in Steven's apartment. She offers him a cup of coffee, so the two head over to the back room for an awkward klatch. Ted comes right out and tells her that the only reason she and Steven have a relationship is so Steven could prove something to himself, so then she retorts that he doesn't know squat about their relationship. He replies, "I know something about love, loving, being loved" - LOL - and asks her if she'll give Steven up. She asks him if he'll give Steven up, and Ted wails that this tedious love triangle is tearing Steven apart (not to mention boring the crap out of viewers). He chides her for not being able to make her marriage work and says she won't be able to fully "turn" Steven (prolly not)...then asks her if she's just trying to validate herself. She tells him that that was a shitty thing to say, but Ted insists that of the two of them, he loves Steven best and will fight for him. He suddenly looks as though the wind just got knocked out of his sails...and apologizes and says he doesn't usually act so boorish, and that he was half hoping she'd be a wretched person he could easily hate. It looks as though the emotion has gotten to be too much for poor Ted, and he abruptly rushes out of the back room and leaves the store. He's a bit of a wacko... and, frankly, I think Steven could do a lot better than either of these two dullards.
Blake's in the mansion's library, boozing it up pretty heavily. In the kitchen, two of the maids are gossiping about Blake's drinking, and how "it's not like him", which I found funny 'cause when does Blake not drink in order to cope with his many problems? One of the maids clucks about how lovely Krystle is, and that she hates how she has to deal with his boozing, plus his general douchebaggery. Joseph, meanwhile, is lurking in the doorway, eavesdropping. The other maid retorts that Krystle should try a little harder at the marriage, considering all that Blake gives her. Easy for her to say; she doesn't have to sleep with the ugly troll. Joseph enters the kitchen and chides the two for gossiping about his Lord & Master, who he insists is a good man who's in serious trouble. He says he considers himself and Blake to be good friends and cries, "It offends me to see him hurt!" Wah wah, Joseph - you poor, deluded sap.
Krystle's moping in her bedroom, pensively staring at the emerald necklace, when Joseph carries a drunk Blake up to bed. He ignores Krystle as he lays him on the bed, removes his shoes, and tenderly tucks him in for the night. When he leaves the room, Krystle stares over at her revolting, passed out husband, then walks over to the bed and starts talking to him as though he's conscious...which made me laugh at first, but then I realized it's actually a pretty genius way to break up with someone you have zero interest in having a two-way conversation with. She tells him she loved him the best she could, but that he freaks her out way too much, and that he's "so many different people": gentle and sensitive one minute, treacherous and dickish the next. She can no longer live with his constant suspicions, heavy boozing, and anger management issues. She tears up and says, "I love you, but I can't live with you." Hurray, Krystle! It's about bloody time.
The next morning, Blake is about to head off for work when he notices Krystle's car parked in front of the house. Blake asks Joseph what it's doing there, so Joseph tells him that Krystle called a taxi and left with a small suitcase. Apparently she plans to send him a Dear Blake letter, outlining why she's dumping him. Blake admonishes Joseph for not waking him up and telling him that his wife was about to walk out on him, and Joseph says that Krystle ordered him not to, then reminds Blake that he once ordered his staff to respect Krystle as "the mistress of the house". It's interesting how Joseph cherry-picks the occasions on which he pretends to treat Krystle as such...or with any level of respect, for that matter. Blake snarks at him for being happy about her leaving, then declares that she'll be back 'cause he loves her and can't bear to lose her...and since he's Blake Carrington, he gets whatever he wants 'cause everything's always about him all the time. He mulls over his wife's abrupt departure and now thinks perhaps he was too hard on her...like with the pawned necklace, for example. He muses, "I should have asked her to explain." Instead of publicly embarrassing her in front of strangers? Er...yeah, maybe. He then declares to Joseph that Krystle will soon return, and Joseph's like, "Yeah, whatever" and Blake heads off to work.
The taxi drops Krystle off at a car rental place. She goes to the nearest pay phone to call Matthew and inform him that she's leaving town...maybe going to Ohio. He insists on seeing her before she leaves, and she tells him that that would be "the worst thing", but he wants to anyway.
Ted returns to Steven's apartment with a bag of groceries and finds a Dear Ted letter written in red caps. Steven writes that he's at the Carrington mansion packing up his stuff, then declares that their relationship is over, finished, kaput. Ted gets upset and knocks over his bag of groceries.
Matthew and Krystle have another one of their outdoor, in-the-middle-of-nowhere meetings, and the two stand face to face, looking very stiff. He caresses her face and then kisses her, and she reminds him he has a wife and daughter. He says he doesn't want to think 'bout that right now, and she says that even if he temporarily pushes them out of his mind, he will think about them later. She bids him farewell, then returns to her car...and, as usual, Matthew watches her as she walks over to her car, climbs in, starts the engine, puts the car in gear, and drives off.
Steven's in his bedroom at the mansion, packing up the last of his stuff. Ted suddenly makes an unexpected appearance and chides Steven for the break-up note he left for him. Steven tells him he can't be at the mansion, and reminds him that this is his homophobic father's house. He makes it clear to his needy ex-lover that he just wants to pack up and go back to his apartment...alone. Ted gets upset and says he can't bear to be sent away so that Steven can resume messing around with a married woman, but Steven says he's not seeing Claudia anymore...so then Ted criticizes him for just wanting to be sad and alone in his little apartment. There's just no winning with this guy. He tells Steven he really really wants him to return to New York with him, and reminds him they had something very special: each other. Steven wearily gives him the tried-and-true it's not you, it's me speech, and Ted just starts weeping. Steven points out that if he really loves him, he'll understand his decision.
Meanwhile, Blake arrives home (uh oh!) and asks Joseph if Krystle came crawling back to him yet...and he's like, "Uh...no." He tells Blake that Steven, however, is home...and that he's upstairs with Mr. Dinard. Blake immediately flies into a rage and snarls, "In my house?! I'll kill him!" He storms down the hallway and up the stairs, and the camera-work gets really jerky and wavy to underscore his uncontainable rage at Ted for having the nerve to drop by. Upstairs, Ted looks as though he's suddenly fully accepted that his relationship with Steven is done for good, and he promises to say hey to the Big Apple for him. LOL. Blake, meanwhile, is barreling toward Steven's room...and just as Steven and Ted are hugging goodbye, Blake bursts in and bellows, "Take your hands off my son!" LOL. Fallon hears the ruckus and stands in the doorway to watch the show.
Blake lunges at Ted, and Steven tries to hold him back...but Blake wrenches himself loose and shoves Ted across the room, which causes him to hit his head on the stone fireplace hearth thing, and he dies instantly. Steven rushes over to examine his ex-lover and finds him lifeless. He stares up at Blake in horror and exclaims, "You've killed him!" Fallon also looks horrified and gasps...then widens her eyes and stares over at Blake, and looks even more horrified. Blake widens his eyes in horror and stares back at Steven, then at Fallon, and then at dead Ted.
Duhn! Duhn! Duhn!
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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