Recap: The episode opens with a series of clips of Carrie shopping at fancy stores for wedding and baby shower gifts for her friend Tatum O'Neal...and after several clips of her settling for whatever's left on the registry - 'cause I'm going to assume that she waited until the last minute to do her gift shopping - she dramatically sighs in exhaustion. In the next scene, she and Stanford are on their way to Tatum O'Neal's third baby shower...and when they arrive at her spacious loft, Tatum's sister (Margot) snarkishly asks them to remove their shoes, 'cause apparently Tatum and her husband are ultra fussy about outside dirt coming into the apartment. Carrie tries to argue that her overpriced Manolo stilettos are a critical part of her strange-as-fuck outfit - a purple corset top that showcases the black bra she's wearing underneath, and a fugly lime green skirt - but Margot doesn't give a rat's ass and blithely chirps, "They'd really appreciate it."
Miranda is at a co-op board meeting to vote on a prospective new tenant: a sports doctor for the Knicks. Miranda implores the group to not prolong the decision 'cause she has to get back to Brady, who's sick with the chicken pox. When the sports doctor arrives - hey, it's hunky Blair Underwood! - Miranda perks up at his hotness and gets all giggly and flirty...and when one of the board members brings up his finances, Miranda shoots her the stink-eye and snaps, "We'll get to it" and resumes her gushy banter.
Harry is making himself at home in Charlotte's apartment...and by making himself at home, I mean he's leaving his used tea bags everywhere. Charlotte trails after him and gathers them all up, her face scrunched with irritation.
After Blair Underwood exits the meeting, Miranda turns toward the board and dreamily coos, "Well...he's perrrrrfect!" One of the more crotchety board members snarks how concerning it is that he's never owned property before and has high alimony payments - but Miranda tells her she's crazy and accuses the board of being biased: against Blair Underwood for being super hot, and her for suffering through a particularly horny patch.
Carrie and Stanford decide to call it a night, so they bid adieu to Tatum O'Neal et al. and head over to the foyer. Carrie's stilettos are nowhere to be found, and she stares around in puzzlement before she and Stanford head back into the living room to report that her Manolos seem to have gone missing. Tatum O'Neal's dorky husband takes a long drag from the joint he's smoking and goes, "That's craaaaazy", prompting a peeved stink-eye from Carrie. Tatum shrugs indifferently and says that maybe one of the guests wore her shoes home by mistake, then breezily adds that she's sure they'll eventually turn up. She loans Carrie a pair of sneakers...and as Carrie lumbers home, she contorts her horsey face into an expression of extreme displeasure.
At the next Gigola Summit at a fancy dessert place, Carrie moans about her missing Manolos after being pressured by Margot to take them off. Samantha wryly says the only place those expensive shoes are turning up in is a pawn shop in Brooklyn, and Miranda chimes in and says that legally Tatum O'Neal owes her for them. Samantha glares at an unruly young boy, who's running around the restaurant with chocolate smeared all over his face and starts railing about how sick she is of people bringing their kids to adult restaurants. She hastily apologizes to Miranda for her anti-child snarkitude - but Miranda concurs and says the only kid she can actually tolerate is Brady. Charlotte changes the subject and tells the gals that the transition of Harry's move into her apartment is going smoothly, except for the "tea bag situation" ... which Samantha naturally interprets as a "ball sucking" situation and offers her expert advice of "just breathe through your nose" and that's all I'm going to say 'bout that.
Back at Casa York-Goldenblatt, Harry gushes to Charlotte about how much he looooves living with her, then dumps his wet tea bag on the kitchen counter. Charlotte looks momentarily pained, then says she doesn't want to be a nag...but his annoying habit of leaving wet tea bags all over the apartment is driving her squirrelly. He looks sheepish and says he's been doing his best to be careful in her house - and she reminds him that it's their house and that he should be comfortable in it...but preferably without leaving wet tea bags everywhere.
Miranda runs into Blair Underwood in the elevator of her building, and he correctly assumes that she had something to do with the co-op board approving his application. He then leans in close and spots a red mark on Miranda's face - a sign she's about to get chicken pox - then offers to accompany her to her apartment so he can flirtily dab some lotion on her face. She explains that her son has chicken pox...and when Magda enters the living room to put Brady down for his nap, she glares disapprovingly at Blair Underwood 'cause I'm pretty sure she's staunchly Team Steve.
Carrie dons a sundress and wraps a stupid looking bow-tie around her neck to drop by Tatum O'Neal's place to return the sneakers she loaned her and to ask if there's been any word on her missing Manolos. Tatum stares at her blankly and goes, "No, it's weird" ... and during the awkward pause that follows, she apologizes for not offering to cover the cost of the shoes earlier than this moment and pulls out her check book. She asks Carrie how much the shoes cost...and when Carrie says she paid $485 for them (!), a disdainful Tatum tells her how fucking insane it is for someone in her economic bracket to spend that much dough on a single pair of shoes (especially considering that episode when Carrie faced near homelessness 'cause of her appalling financial irresponsibility) and offers to give her $200 instead. Carrie flinches at being admonished for her overpriced shoe fetish and reminds Tatum that she too used to wear Manolos when she was single - and Tatum's like, "Well duh, that was before I had a real life" and tells Carrie it was her choice to pay such an exorbitant amount of money for shoes. Carrie snidely retorts that it wasn't her choice to take the shoes off, and Tatum rolls her eyes and says, "They're just shoes" ... which was a pretty dickish retort, but since it's Carrie she's talking down to, I'm happy to let it go.
Carrie phones Miranda, who now has full blown chicken pox, to complain about how Tatum O'Neal "shoe-shamed" her - and Miranda rails that Tatum is "a fucking bitch" for making her feel that way. Buoyed by the support, Carrie later taps on her laptop as she ponders aloud, "When did we stop being free to be you and me?" and stares contemplatively into space.
Harry enters the kitchen in his birthday suit...yeech...then proudly demonstrates to Charlotte that he's now properly discarding his tea bags into the garbage can. Charlotte's all, "Wha-a-a?" as she worriedly watches him prance around, then lounge bare-assed on her pristine furniture.
Days later, Carrie calls up Tatum O'Neal in an effort to clear the air and tells her she feels weird about their last conversation. Tatum dismissively says she forgot about that days ago and bitchily remarks, "Man, you must have a lot of time on your hands." She then sets the phone down to deal with a baby emergency...and her young daughter picks up the phone, calls Carrie Santa, then hangs up on her. Carrie reacts by grimacing into space.
Carrie ambles down the street with Charlotte, complaining about all the money she's shelled out over the years to buy gifts for Tatum O'Neal in celebration of her various life choices - engagement, wedding baby showers - and is irked that Tatum had the nerve to shoe shame her. She points out that after graduation, there isn't a single occasion to celebrate an unmarried/childless person...and Charlotte tells her she's right, and that she probably shouldn't have hit up her friends for gifts for wedding #2. No duh.
Samantha's having a working lunch in a restaurant, talking to a client on her cell phone while glaring disdainfully at a kid who's messily eating pasta at the next table. When the waiter informs Samantha that they don't allow cell phones 'cause they're disruptive, she asks what he's doing about that noise and points at the kid. The waiter haughtily replies, "Nothing...that's a child" so Samantha ambles over to chide the mother for bringing her sloppy spawn to a grown up restaurant. The kid reacts by throwing pasta at Samantha, which gets caught in her hair and stains her fancy white suit...and the mother looks visibly amused as she pretends to rebuke her demon child. Samantha stiffly stalks exits the restaurant...and I was all, "Huh?" 'cause I was expecting a much different reaction, or at least some kind of reaction.
Charlotte finds a naked Harry sitting bare-assed on her white chaise lounge. She summons all of her diplomatic restraint and tells him she's doing her best to not be so rigid...but would greatly appreciate it if he could please put something between his bare ass and her white furniture. He cheerfully agrees to go put on a pair of shorts...and as he continues to sit there, smiling stupidly at her, she impatiently barks, "Now..?!" LOL.
Miranda is watching her favorite soapy trash, Jules & Mimi, when Blair Underwood drops by to check on her. He asks her what she's watching on TV...and when she gives him a summary of the show, he goes, "I'm intrigued" and invites himself to stay awhile and watch. By scripted coincidence, Jules and Mimi immediately start hitting the sheets in earnest.
Carrie leaves a phone message for Tatum O'Neal, announcing that she's getting married - to herself! - 'cause, no, that's not weird at all. She adds that she's registered at Manolo Blahnik, then hangs up while smiling smugly to herself. Subtle, Carrie.
At the Manolo store, Tatum O'Neal has dragged her kids along as she purchases a replacement pair of the shoes Carrie lost at her apartment. The saleswoman snarks at her to corral her kids, 'cause there'll be hell to pay if the rugrats so much as touch the overpriced merchandise. Take that, married mother of three.
After unpacking her replacement shoes, Carrie delightedly puts them on, then goes outside to skip around town and babble in a voiceover about how hard it is to walk in a single woman's shoes...or some such nonsense.
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