Sex and the City - Season 6, Episode 18

"Misha and I have decided that we have more on-screen chemistry than he and Carrie do."

"Splat!"
Original airdate: 2/8/2004

Episode summary: Misha invites Carrie to live with him in Paris, which prompts endless questions from the gigolas. Candice Bergen hosts a dinner party that ends in tragedy for Kristen Johnston. Elizabeth Taylor reproduces.

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Recap: Carrie meets up with her past/current/dunno? Vogue boss, Candice Bergen, for lunch. Candice invites Carrie to a party, then explains that since the guest list consists mainly of people in the art world, she'd like Carrie to bring Misha...along with a dateable male friend. She flushes with embarrassment and explains that the party is shaping up to be mostly couples, and that since she currently has no man nor any man prospects on the horizon, she was hoping that Misha could bring someone who's comparably arty and sophisticated. She then stares down at her plate and mutters, "Please never mention this conversation to anyone." When Carrie scrunches her horsey face in contemplation and says she's not sure if Misha is a 'set people up' kind of guy, Candice sternly reminds her, "I got you a job. You get me a man."

Carrie and Misha are at his fancy loft, getting ready for a dinner party for the gigolas, Stanford, and all of their plus ones. Carrie asks Misha if he has any single friends he could set Candice Bergen up with, and he mulls that over for a few seconds and says he has a food critic friend she might not find totally repulsive. He then announces that he's going to be in Paris next week in advance of the grand unveiling of his solo exhibition...and isn't sure when or if he'll be returning to New York. Carrie contorts her horsey face into a sad expression - until he invites her to give up the life she's established in New York to join him there for an unspecified period of time.

During dinner, Samantha decides it's the perfect opportunity to share her theory that her maid has been using her vibrator...and Misha's all, "Ack!" and cringes at her crass talk. The gals gently chide Samantha for bringing up this kind of raunchy ickitude during a dinner party, but she chatters obliviously about how the batteries in her vibrator are now dead, which apparently can only mean that the maid has been using the device to pleasure herself...'cause, yeah, that seems like a fun, sanitary thing for a maid to want to spend her leisure time doing. Misha makes an ew face at the ew-inducing visual of that while an anxious looking Carrie shoots furtive glances in his direction. Steve notices Misha's piano and asks him if he knows any Billy Joel songs, and Misha just shrugs cluelessly...so Charlotte steps up to the plate and asks Misha about his upcoming sculpture exhibit in Paris. He tells her that technically they're not sculptures, and Carrie hastily explains that his "sculptures" are actually large scale light installations integrated with video images. Uh huh. Say wuh? Harry smack-talks Paris for its snooty 'tude, then mocks Parisian toilet paper...and Misha counters by pronouncing Paris the best city in the world - ignores Steve when he warns, "Easy fella, you're talking to New Yorkers here" - and turns to Carrie and smugly says, "You'll see." The gigolas exchange confused glances, so Carrie clarifies that, yep, Misha has invited her to trail after him to Paris.

"Does anyone know how to get a maid's bodily fluids off of a vibrator?"

"Get out of my loft, you raunch talking cougar."

After dinner, the gals go upstairs to Misha's bedroom, where they pepper Carrie with questions about Paris. Carrie says that Misha sprang this on her before dinner and that she's still mulling it over. Charlotte gushily calls it exciting, while Carrie concurs that it's definitely a very romantic invitation. A few seconds later, Stanford interrupts their gabfest and orders them to rejoin the party 'cause he's having too hard a time pretending to be "one of the boys".

Post dinner party, Carrie forwards along to Misha the gals' various questions about Paris: how long would we stay? Where would we live? Would I be able to work there? Will my cell phone work there? Misha offers nothing in the way of coherent responses, except to tell her that since his left bank apartment is undergoing renovations, they'd temporarily live in a swanky hotel. When she asks him what she should do about her New York apartment, he says he'll happily pay for it...and when Carrie half-heartedly insists that she couldn't possibly let him do that, he says, "I have plenty of money, but I don't have plenty of Carrie Bradshaws." And thank goodness for that, 'cause one fictional Carrie Bradshaw is more than the world needs.

At the next brunch summit, Carrie gushes to the gals about the excitement of moving to Paris with her Russian luvuhh...and a disapproving Miranda asks her how long she's planning on being there, then gets all judgey about letting Misha pay for her apartment. Charlotte asks what he's promising, since her general life philosophy about men is if you like it then you should put a ring on it, and Carrie retorts, "The world!" and gets visibly annoyed when it's clear that her friends aren't more excited about her ill-thought-out plan to just pick up and move to France. Miranda says she simply wants her to think this decision through, and Carrie sourly says it'd be nice if her friends could be happy for her, then bitchily adds, "Especially when I've always been happy for them." After an awkward silence, Samantha invites anyone to engage in conversation about her tedious breast cancer storyline - but thankfully no one takes her up on it.

"You can't let Misha pay for your apartment, then continue to pass yourself off as an independent woman."

"Of course I can. SATC has been putting out that contradictory message for the last six years."

Carrie types up her column for the week, pontificating about over-examining an over-examined life. Or some such nonsense. Thankfully this turns out to be the series' last Sex and the City raunch column...to which I say hurrrrrrrrrrray!!

That evening, Charlotte, Elizabeth Taylor, and Harry are watching TV when Harry remarks, "Think someone's getting a little chunky..?" Charlotte assumes he's talking about her and moans, "Harrrrrrry!", but he clarifies that he's talking about the dog. Charlotte weighs her pet in the bathroom, and becomes alarmed when her eight pound dog has suddenly put on four pounds. The following morning she rushes Elizabeth Taylor to the pet store to buy some diet dog food...and the store clerk, who professes how much he loooooves Cavies, asks to hold her. When Charlotte tells him that she needs diet dog food 'cause her dog is getting too fat, the clerk feels around her abdomen and informs her that Elizabeth Taylor isn't fat - she's pregnant!

Harry rushes home after Charlotte left him a cryptic message about Elizabeth Taylor getting herself knocked up after her slutty dog park outing. Charlotte grumbles about how everyone around her is getting pregnant...and when Elizabeth Taylor trots into the room, Charlotte turns away and tells the pooch, "Mommy can't look at you right now" so she sadly trots back out.  

Carrie and Samantha are hanging at a bookstore when Carrie complains about Miranda's open dislike for Misha...so Samantha explains that they're all just bummed about her imminent departure from New York. Carrie asks her if she likes Misha, and Samantha says that while he's an arrogant douche, he has the goods to back it up...which, I dunno 'bout that, but OK. Carrie wrings her hands about how she'd do someplace other than New York, and Samantha manages to keep a straight face as she assures her, "Believe me, your fabulousness will translate."

In the next scene, Carrie is ambling down the street with a pair of headphones on, listening to a French language learning CD.

As Carrie primps for Candice Bergen's party, Misha asks her if she's made up her mind yet about moving to Paris. Carrie says she still has plenty more questions on account of her entire life being in New York...and Misha gets bored by her endless hand-wringing and idly leafs through a book that's sitting atop her coffee table. She asks him if he'd be open to a long distance relationship, and he says that definitely wouldn't work for him, and adds, "I'm finished with New York. It's time for Paris." Carrie flinches at what she interprets to be an ultimatum and shoots a stink-eye at her reflection in the mirror.

Carrie and Misha arrive at Candice Bergen's party, along with Misha's food critic friend, a stumpy uggo named Martin Grable. As he heads over to the coat check, Candice Bergen glares at Carrie and admonishes her for pairing her up with a hobbit. Across the apartment, Kristen Johnston (one of Carrie's pre-SATC party friends), spots her and shrieks, "Carrie Bradshaw! Where the fuck have you been hiding?!" and Carrie looks less than thrilled about her hard partying past catching up with her.

Miranda trash-talks Misha to Steve, calling him pretentious. She remarks that Carrie acts all hoity-toity whenever he's around, and Steve chides her for not thinking any man is good enough for her friends. Miranda rhetorically asks him what the fuck large scale light installations are, and Steve chuckles and concedes that, yep, Misha is kinda full of himself...to which Miranda barks, "Thank you!" She then wagers that Carrie won't end up moving to Paris 'cause of everything she has going on in New York.

​Over at Casa Bergen, Martin Grable is boring the shit out of Carrie with a discussion about New York state dairy products, and she politely excuses herself to make a beeline over to where Misha is sitting. She finds him being fawned over by a smitten looking Candice Bergen...and after Misha ambles off to get them some drinks, Candice comes right out and asks Carrie, "Why aren't I with him?" Carrie's like, "Uh, 'cause I am..?" then condescendingly adds, "What are you doing?" Candice Bergen starts babbling about how shallow the pool is for dateable men in her age range...and Carrie quickly bails on the awkward conversation and excuses herself to use the bathroom, where she finds Kristen Johnston snorting coke and lamenting being a forty year old party girl. She complains about the lameness of Candice Bergen's party, further laments about how they're the only single gals here...then tells Carrie to fuck herself when Carrie hastily points out that she's no longer a pathetic loser 'cause she's currently coupled up. 

"I'm such a loser! But at least I have you to be a pathetic single gal with."

"Nope. I'm in a relationship...therefore no longer pathetic like you."

An irritated Charlotte is cleaning up a pee stain that Elizabeth Taylor left on the carpet, and is grumbling about how the dog is too pregnant to hold her bladder. Harry interrupts her bitching to tell her that the pooch is about to give birth in the bathroom [that was one speedy gestation period], and Charlotte perks up and rushes past Harry shrieking, "Elizabeth Taylor! Mommy's coming!" 

Carrie and Misha chat with a power couple who makes documentaries and splits their time between India and L.A. Carrie points out to Misha that they seem happy with their long distance relationship - but he makes a face and says he much prefers having a lover available to him locally. Kristen Johnston, meanwhile, stumbles around the room asking if anyone has a light - and Candice Bergen tells her she doesn't have one, and that she can't smoke inside the apartment anyway. Kristen Johnston staggers over to the floor-to-ceiling windows and manages to pry one open, which seems like an improbably dangerous thing to be able to do in a high rise building. She starts railing about the recent no-smoking bylaws and how New York has ceased to be fun for washed-up single party gals such as herself. She moodily pronounces, "I'm so bored I could die", then promptly trips on her heel and falls out the window...and that puts a quick end to Candice Bergen's boring party.

That evening, the snow begins to falls...and continues to fall for many hours. Carrie stares wistfully out the window of Misha's loft, then turns to him and poutishly announces, "I want to go to Paris." Misha turns around and grins happily.

Elizabeth Taylor, meanwhile, has given birth to small litter of pups, and Charlotte holds two of the tiniest babies to the window so that they can see what snow looks like.

A few days later, the gigolas arrive at Kristen Johnston's funeral...and they all gabble about how the party girl's death is officially the end of an era. Carrie tells them she's decided to move to Paris, isn't taking anymore questions about her ill-fated decision, and that she quit her column (hurray!) 'cause her editor didn't like her American gal in Paris angle. The gigolas, except for Miranda, pretend to be thrilled by the news.

After Kristen Johnston's funeral, Carrie and Miranda amble down the street together. Miranda tells her that moving to Paris without any kind of long-term plan with a man she's known for little more than a month is a gigantic fucking stupid mistake, as was quitting her job 'cause being a New York raunch columnist is who she is. Carrie argues that it isn't who she is, but rather what she did. Miranda chides her for giving up her entire life to live in the shadow of Misha, and this prompts Carrie to nonsensically bellow, "I cannot stay in New York and be single for you!!" As she huffily storms off, Miranda screeches after her, "You're living in a fantasy!"

The episode ends with Misha taking Carrie on a romantic sleigh ride through snowy Central Park...and, nope, still no chemistry there.

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