Recap: Bobby arrives at the Ewing Oil offices while Jock and JR are fielding questions from a gaggle of reporters inquiring about the Asian oil lease debacle. When a reporter asks what the rebels' victory [in whatever unnamed Asian country we're talking about] means for Ewing Oil, JR says, "Not much" and explains that Ewing Oil is sufficiently diversified (as of a day ago), and that this is the only non-answer he's willing to publicly give at this time. After the reporters leave, Bobby demands to know what's going on, so Jock tells him that thanks to JR, Ewing Oil is still a thriving company that was largely unaffected by the political unrest in wherever country they had been drilling for oil. When Bobby's all, "Wha-a-a?", JR explains that yesterday he sold 75% of the Asian oil leases for $10 million...and Bobby says he doesn't believe for a second that his timing was purely luck. JR's like, "Was too" and says that he and daddy have been talking for years about investing in gas fields on the U.S. east coast and decided that yesterday just happened to be the day they needed to liquidate the bulk of their foreign assets in order to get in on that deal. When Bobby asks Jock if he believes this obvious nonsense, Jock says he does...and a frustrated Bobby asks why he wasn't consulted about the mass liquidation. JR says he had to move fast in order to quickly dump their Asian holdings - just as Jordan Lee bursts into the room and curses JR for luring him into a faux deal. He accuses JR of suckering the cartel into buying Asian leases, and points out that the timing in light of the rebels' takeover is suspicious to say the least. Jock gruffly reminds him that big oil deals are always a crap shoot, and that there will be plenty of future opportunities for them to make money together. Jordan's like, "I don't think so" and solemnly tells him that Seth Stone (another oil investor) was so devastated by the financial loss that he abandoned all hope and committed suicide this morning.
Sue Ellen is sitting up in bed, watching the local news. She stares at the TV in fascination when the news anchor confirms that Ewing Oil didn't suffer too much of a loss in the Asian oil lease debacle.
An enraged Vaughn Leland bursts into JR's office and demands an explanation and/or apology for the catastrophic financial loss he just suffered, but JR just shrugs and says he has nothing to explain or apologize for. Jock concurs and says it was a fair deal. Vaughn shoots him a seriously? glare and accuses JR of knowing about the rebels in advance of their takeover, and Jock dismisses that logical assumption out of hand and says he has no proof of that. Vaughn moans that he just borrowed $20 million to invest in this deal and implores Jock to step in and dooooo something to help him - but Jock reminds him what an unsympathetic dick he was when he (Jock) had begged him for an extension of the mortgage loan back when Southfork on the verge of foreclosure. Vaughn snorts in disgust and calls JR "a chip off the old block" ... and after he leaves, Jock asks JR flat out if he knew about the rebels and dumped the leases before the shit hit the fan. JR solemnly fibs, "No sir. I swear it", and Bobby mutters that he doesn't buy that for a second and storms out of the office.
Lucy is strolling in the park with Greg, complaining about how they never seem to go out on real dates. When she suggests they go dancing one evening, he reminds her that she's his student...and she's all, "Wuh? Is that all I am to you?" and he quickly replies, "No" and gives her a light peck on the lips.
Alan drops by Kristin's condo to show her the day's paper that features the headline Ewing Oil Empire Collapses. Kristin wryly says that that's old news and knows for a fact that Ewing Oil was barely affected by the Asian rebel crisis. When Alan stares at her quizzically, she explains that while "entertaining" various cartel members, she learned that JR sold the majority of the company's Asian leases right before the rebels seized control of their country's government...then holds up a tape recorder and says she has audio recordings of the cartel men babbling excitedly about the sweet deal they just cut with JR. She says she's pretty sure it was Hank Johnson who tipped JR off about the looming rebel takeover, and Alan perks up at that and says it would help if they had irrefutable proof. He stares contemplatively into space for a few seconds, looks like he just suddenly thought up a brilliant idea, and tells Kristin to call Hank right now.
Miss Ellie tells Bobby that Pam went to Corpus Christi to look into what happened to her mother. Bobby scrunches his face concernedly and says he's worried that Pam is becoming far too obsessed with the past.
A few minutes later, Bobby runs into Sue Ellen and asks her how she's feeling, and she tells him, "Embarrassed and hung over", not least 'cause she barely remembers what a drunken arse she publicly made of herself during the previous episode. She worries that JR could have her put away in a sanitarium for good - but Bobby promises to stop him from doing that, then sternly tells her she needs to stop fucking drinking. She tells him she only fell off the wagon after receiving some shocking news she'd rather not elaborate on, and Bobby says, "I hope you mean it", then urges her to smooth things out with Miss Ellie and try to not feel too stupid about yesterday's bender.
A sweaty and enraged looking Hank Johnson phones JR to rail at him for telling Kristin that he secretly traveled to Dallas to warn him about the Asian rebel crisis. When JR says he has no idea what in blazes he's talking about, Hank explains that Kristin just telephoned to instruct him to mail all of his records and receipts from his recent Dallas flight to the Ewing Oil offices. JR's all, "Ack!" and orders him to destroy that evidence asap, thanks him for the call, and rushes out of the office.
Sue Ellen tells Dr. Ellby she barely remembers getting loaded at the bar, vows to never drink again, and says that Bobby has promised to stop JR from locking her away in a sanitarium. Dr. Ellby rolls his eyes and points out that she's fallen right back into the same pattern of giving control of her life to another person...and when he asks her if she trusts Bobby more than she trusts herself, she's like, "Well duh."
Pam arrives in Corpus Christi and takes a taxi to the little house her mother once lived in. She approaches an old lady who's walking down the street and asks her if she ever knew a Rebecca Barnes...and the old lady says she did know a lovely young woman by that name who had two small children, and that one Christmas the family suddenly moved out without bothering to say goodbye to anyone in the neighborhood.
JR storms into the condo and orders Kristin to explain her phone call to Hank Johnson. Kristin tells him that Alan Beam ordered her to do it after he threatened to tell Jock about their affair - but JR says he doesn't buy that nonsense and warns her that she's out of her league if she actually believes that either she or Alan could blackmail him. Kristin snaps back, "You can't scare me!" and JR coldly tells her if she had any sense she'd be plenty scared right now. He throws a wad of cash at her and suggests she fly to Brazil and disappear forever - but she throws the money back at him and shrieks, "You can't buy me off!" He growls, "We'll see" before storming out of the condo.
Pam is at the city clerk's office in Corpus Christi, searching through the records of death certificates. She looks relieved when she's unable to find a listing for her mother.
JR snidely tells Sue Ellen he's shocked that she didn't show up to dinner tonight drunk, and was instead uncharacteristically charming and witty. He somehow interprets this to mean that she's headed for a nervous breakdown - but she denies it and says that Bobby has promised he won't allow her to be forcibly locked up in a sanitarium. JR chuckles heartily at that and says, "I always get what I want." When he changes into a more casual outfit to go out, Sue Ellen contorts her face angrily and barks, "Which slut are you going to stay with tonight?" and he glares back at her with a look of hate-filled disgust and replies, "What difference does it make? Whoever it is has got to be more interesting than the slut I'm looking at right now." &%$#!! As he shuts the door behind him, an enraged Sue Ellen starts throwing things across the room, then flings opens her drawers and looks as if she wants to toss her underwear around...but stops when she sees a gun hidden under her dainties. As she stares down at it, she does that weird pouty/twitching thing she's always doing with her strange lips.
Cliff bursts into JR's office and interrupts a meeting between JR and Bobby. He holds up the handwritten contract from 1939 he found in Digger's house during the previous episode and urges JR to read it aloud so he can relish the moment. JR indulges him and reads the contract aloud, then smirks with amusement and says this calls for a celebration. As Bobby hastily exits the room, Cliff's all, "Fuckin' right it does" and basks in the glow of his rare victory. JR picks up the phone and calls a flunky named Harry Owens, who he instructs to immediately shut down all drilling on Ewing 23. Cliff's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and stares at him in horrified bewilderment.
Pam tells Bobby she couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses about Ewing 23, then says she's thinking about quitting her job so she can devote her life to searching for clues about her mother's disappearance. Bobby shakes his head disapprovingly and suggests she instead get herself some intensive therapy. LOL.
Lucy drops by Greg's office to remind him about their dinner date - but he tells her he's going to be too busy grading papers to dine out. Lucy grumbles her disappointment and says that maybe they need a break from this flaccid, go-nowhere romance - but he insists he really really does want to date her, and placates her with a kiss. After Lucy leaves, Greg calls a woman named Beth to ask her how little Stevie is doing, and if she needs him to pick up anything on his way home...and from this I think we can safely assume that Greg's ability to forge a mutually satisfying 'married man-mistress' arrangement is subpar at best.
That evening, Detective Harry McSween drags Alan Beam into JR's office so that JR can interrogate him about what he and Kristin are up to. He orders Alan to leave Dallas...and when Alan refuses, JR threatens to have Detective McSween manufacture rape charges against him and produce a faux rape victim. Alan glares at him and seethes, "You just leaned too hard on the wrong man!" before McSween forcibly steers him out of the room.
Bobby tells Jock and JR that Vaughn Leland has disappeared...and JR chuckles and says he couldn't care less if that loser never resurfaces in Dallas again. Bobby asks JR if he showed Jock the handwritten contract from 1939...and when Jock expresses dismay that Cliff might stand to benefit financially from a Ewing oil well, JR says he needn't worry 'cause he shut down all the wells on Ewing 23 to prevent Cliff from ever earning a dime. Bobby angrily says he had no right to do that without his permission - but Jock argues that JR did good, and that he'd have done the exact same thing. Bobby stares at both of them, looking a combination of aghast and fed up, before stalking out.
Bobby heads upstairs to rail at Pam about Jock agreeing with JR's decision to shut down Ewing 23. He says he's so incensed about it that, first thing tomorrow, the two of them will pack up and leave Southfork for good. Pam somehow manages to refrain from letting out an excited woot while uncontrollably happy dancing and asks him if he absolutely, really, truly wants to move out of his family's home and put an end to her daily torture of having to live under the same roof as his shitty, Barnes-hating family members...and he tells her he needs to leave while he still knows the difference between right and wrong, and that he's done putting up with all the wheelin', dealin', and backstabbin' he's been mutely condoning up until now.
The next morning, Bobby and Pam pack their bags and prepare to leave the ranch...and Bobby asks Pam to wait in the car so that he can break the news about their departure to his parents. He heads over to the dining room, where Jock and Miss Ellie are having breakfast, and announces that since he can no longer live in the same house as JR, he and Pam will be moving out. Miss Ellie's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" and begs them not to seek life elsewhere as independent adults, and Jock irritably growls that he should have discussed this with them before packing their bags. Bobby tells his daddy he can't fight JR and him and insists that he tried as hard as he could to make this untenable situation work - but is now determined to get as far away from Southfork as possible. He gives his weeping mother a goodbye kiss and heads out - just as JR and Sue Ellen enter the room and ask whassup with all the drama. When Miss Ellie tearfully tells them that Bobby and Pam are moving out, Sue Ellen turns to JR and sassily points out that not only has he driven Gary away, he's now responsible for the abrupt departure of Bobby and Pam. She sarcastically congratulates him for cheating his friends and doing all manner of underhanded shit to get what he wanted. After an inconsolable Miss Ellie flees the room with Jock trailing after her, an enraged JR rebukes Sue Ellen for daring to humiliate him in front of his parents. He declares her "drunk and unfit" and vows to get her locked away in a sanitarium just as soon as he can arrange it. As he storms off, Sue Ellen stares despondently into space while doing that weird pouty/twitching thing with her lips.
Harry McSween barges into Kristin's condo and informs her and Alan that he has a warrant for her arrest. When she asks what she's being arrested for, he tells her prostitution - but that he'll drop the charges if she leaves town, pronto. Kristin looks over at Alan and mutters, "I'll kill him", and Alan nods and solemnly says, "Take a number."
JR calls the family doctor and tells him he wants Sue Ellen gone from Southfork tonight. He orders the doctor to send a team of men in white coats over to the ranch this evening, forcibly remove Sue Ellen from the house, then lock her away in a sanitarium before throwing away the key. The doctor somehow refrains from pointing out that committing a non-criminal to a sanitarium against her will is illegal and tantamount to kidnapping, and tells JR he'll have the sanitarium commitment papers ready for him to sign tonight. After JR hangs up, he gets a call from Vaughn Leland, once again demanding that he refund his money from the botched oil deal. When JR refuses, Vaughn growls, "This is the last crooked deal you'll ever pull!" and slams the phone down...and JR stares concernedly into space before heading out.
Sue Ellen is pacing the bedroom while periodically staring over at the gun she placed atop the bed. Eventually, she decides to put the gun in her purse before heading out.
Cliff is at the cemetery, visiting Digger's grave. He apologizes to Digger for letting JR beat him, then says he's off to do something that will stop JR for good.
Sue Ellen rails at Dr. Ellby about how determined JR is to get her committed to the sanitarium, and that his reign of terror must be stopped. She vows to not let him get what he wants, then thanks Dr. Ellby for constantly pointing out that she shouldn't rely on other people to do what needs to get done. She stares down at the gun that's wedged inside her purse and purposefully strides out of the office.
JR is working in his Ewing Oil office late into the night. He gets a phone call, looks puzzled when there's no one on the other end, then wanders over to the kitchenette to pour himself a cup of coffee. He shuts off all the lights...and when he hears someone enter the office, he barks, "Who's there?" and steps back into the hallway to investigate. A few seconds later he's shot twice by an unseen assailant and collapses to the floor, clutching his abdomen.
The prime suspects..
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Recap: Jock and Miss Ellie are enjoying a quiet morning on the Southfork patio when Miss Ellie brings up the subject of [his first wife] Amanda and asks him how long it's been since he's seen her. Jock says it's been a long time, 'cause of all the years he let pass before finally having the guts to confess to his family that he'd been married before...and that during this cowardly stretch of time, he figured it'd be easier to stop visiting the asylum than explain where/why he was traveling. Miss Ellie urges him to fly to the Colorado asylum asap to pay poor Amanda a visit, and Jock agrees that that's probably a good idea, but insists that she come with him so that there are absolutely no secrets between them.
JR returns home from work and reports to Jock that all of the bank loans Ewing Oil took out to finance his risky Asian oil lease venture are officially paid in full, which effectively means that Ewing Oil is now one of the richest oil companies in the country. When he meekly asks Jock if he's proud of him, Jock grunts something unintelligible and reminds him how badly he screwed the pooch when he nearly bankrupted Ewing Oil and lost Southfork. JR sheepishly promises to never use the family ranch as collateral for a business deal again, or do anything that jeopardizes Ewing Oil - and Jock nods approvingly and says he's happy with his work performance as long as he obediently continues to tow the line. JR beams gratefully at his grizzled daddy and chuckles about how eager the rest of the Texas cartel members are to get in on their lucrative Asian oil lease action.
After dinner, Sue Ellen makes a beeline over to the sitting room to quickly guzzle some booze before hastily pouring herself a club soda so she can pretend to everyone that she hasn't fallen off the wagon. When the rest of the Ewing clan ambles over for after dinner drinks, Miss Ellie asks Sue Ellen whassup with her hardly eating any dinner, and JR holds up a bottle of booze and snidely says, "She gets her nourishment from this." Bobby snarks at JR to shut up, to which JR retorts, "The first step in curing a drunk is getting them to admit what they are" then tells Bobby he might want to focus on his own wife's problems, 'cause it's clear she's "cracking up" after learning that her bio dad was a thieving saddle tramp who knocked up her whore of a mother. Bobby's all, "The fuuuuuuuuck?!" and lunges at JR before giving him a well deserved punch to the gut...and an irked Jock breaks up the fight and admonishes 1) Bobby for his hot temper and 2) JR for running his sassy mouth about Pam's icky parentage.
Pam goes upstairs to lay down...and when Bobby enters the room she wonders aloud if maybe JR's right about her "cracking up" 'cause of how confused she is after learning that she's never technically been a Barnes. Bobby tells her that confusion is understandable after the shock she suffered during the previous episode, and Pam shakes her head in incredulity and says she still can't comprehend that a low-life douchetard like Hutch McKinney was her bio dad, and that everything she's ever thought was true about herself has been a lie. Bobby assures her that she's the same person she's always been, then suggests they take off somewhere for a mini-vacation. Pam declines and says tomorrow she's getting together with Cliff and Maggie to sift through Digger's old stuff, and she wants to see if there's anything in his boxes o' stuff that can offer any clues about her past.
JR arrives at his leggy blonde hooker's apartment for an impromptu booty call, but she tells him she booked herself with another john and can't accommodate an unscheduled doink. A frustrated and horny JR heads over to Kristin's condo and goes straight into the bedroom, where he starts stripping off his clothes and brusquely orders her to do the same. Kristin tells him she's appalled that he would expect her to perform without even the semblance of foreplay, then haughtily declares that she's refusing to go to bed with him until such time as he divorces Sue Ellen and marries her. As JR continues to strip off his clothes, she complains that he's not listening to a word she's saying...and he grunts, "That's right!", orders her to stop talking, and amorously pulls her atop him.
Pam, Cliff, and Aunt Maggie are at Digger's house [which is weird 'cause I didn't think he had a house, given that he had been bunking at Cliff's apartment], going through his stuff. Pam asks Maggie if she knows anything about her mom Rebecca, and Maggie says she figures that Digger probably married her on the rebound after getting dumped by Miss Ellie - but that he grew to love her...though not so much after she got herself knocked up by Hutch McKinney. Some years later, Rebecca died (maybe?) and Digger showed up at her (Maggie's) house one day with two little kids and was all, "Surprise, sis! I figured you could help me raise these two spawn." Pam says she fully intends to look into what happened to her mother and is planning on taking take a trip to Corpus Christi to see what she can dig up. Cliff, meanwhile, finds what he thinks might be an interesting document and quietly pockets it.
Hank Johnson, the foreman in charge of Ewing Oil's Asian operation, arrives in Dallas to inform JR about disturbing events occurring in Asia...and by disturbing events, he means that a powerful group of rebels are inciting a political revolution in whatever Asian country the writers refuse to call out by name or at least invent a fictitious name for. He tells JR that if the rebels win, they'll nationalize the oil industry and seize ownership of everything...and JR's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" and visibly pales.
After the commercial break, JR instructs Hank to approach the rebel leaders and offer a bribe so that Ewing Oil can retain ownership of its leases...and Hank says it's doubtful that that tactic will work, but promises to try. After he rushes off to catch the next flight to Asia, JR tells his secretary to arrange a meeting at the condo with Vaughn Leland.
The next morning, Vaughn is at the condo, flirtily bantering with Kristin when JR arrives. He tells Leland he'd like to start their meeting pronto, and sends Kristin into the kitchen to fetch them some coffee.
Sue Ellen tells Dr. Ellby she feels she has no choice but to languish at Southfork and sneak gulps of booze whenever possible in order to smooth out the edges. Dr. Ellby rolls his eyes derisively and remarks that booze is clearly her new crutch now that Dusty is gone, and she shrieks, "He wasn't a crutch! I loved him!", then sadly adds that she no longer has anyone. Dr. Ellby points out that she still has herself, and that she could take this opportunity to dig deep to find "the real Sue Ellen" ... and she stares back at him blankly as if to point out that "digging deep" is an exercise in futility when it comes to someone as shallow of substance as she routinely proves herself to be.
Vaughn leaves the condo after he and JR wrap up their meeting...and Kristin complains to JR about the lewd way Vaughn was ogling her. JR says she should consider that kind of creepy attention flattering, given that she's an attractive, available young woman. Kristin's all, "Available?", reminds him that they're practically engaged, and asks if he's really suggesting that she spend sexy time with the cartel menfolk. JR shrugs disinterestedly and says he's fine with it, and that it'd be a great way to ease her boredom (now that she's unemployed) while extracting intel he might find useful. She stares at him incredulously and asks if he's seriously pimping her out for the purpose of spying on his associates, and he's all, "Sounds like a good arrangement to me!" before beating a hasty retreat. LOL. An incensed Kristin calls Alan Beam and tells him she's ready to take him up on his offer for the two of them to join forces and bring down JR Ewing.
Over at Southfork, Miss Ellie tells Pam she didn't know much about Rebecca, but feels great compassion for her considering the shitty life she must have endured with a drunken fuckwit of a husband like Digger. When Bobby enters the room, Miss Ellie suggests that he and Pam accompany her and Jock to Colorado while they visit Amanda in the asylum, and the two decide 'yep, that sounds like a super fun getaway'.
The next day, JR calls Vaughn Leland to help him set up a meeting at Ewing Oil with the entire cartel. Sue Ellen overhears his conversation and makes a snide remark about him "wheelin' and dealin'" the minute his parents (+ Pam and Bobby) leave for Colorado.
The cartel members assemble at Ewing Oil, where JR announces that he's finally letting them in on his Asian oil lease deal. He "explains" that Ewing Oil is looking to untie some capital funding for a few big deals they have in the works...and by untie, he means he intends to sell 75% of the company's Asian holdings. When the cartel members are all, "Wuh?" and ask what the catch is, JR says that Ewing Oil will want 25% of every barrel they [won't actually] sell...and the men groan before deciding, yep, it's still a great deal. JR says that since he needs the money pronto, they're either going to have to come up with the cash right now or miss out on what he assures them is a sure thing.
At the condo, Kristin complains to Alan that JR is now pimping her out to his associates, and Alan suggests they figure out a way to use this shameless pimping to punish JR. Kristin mulls that over and proposes she entertain the cartel members in order to figure out exactly what JR's up to these days...and in the next scene she calls JR at the office and tells him she's A-OK with entertaining his oil buddies, starting with having dinner tonight with creepy Jordan Lee. JR perks up at her willingness to help his business interests by hitting the sheets with other men and tells her he's thrilled by her change of heart.
From the hotel, Jock stares out the window at the Colorado sky and tells Miss Ellie he always dreads his visits with Amanda. Miss Ellie gives him a comforting canoodle, and the two press against each other for some light smooching action.
Sue Ellen arrives at Dr. Ellby's building for her next appointment, but gets distracted by the sight of a cocktail bar across the street and decides she'd rather indulge in an afternoon bender than get therapy.
Back at Ewing Oil, the cartel members decide to throw all good sense to the wind and buy up the available Asian oil leases. Vaughn gleefully tells JR he went in on the deal himself, and was so confident about the investment that he took out a huge loan to cover the cost.
Amanda is led out of the asylum by her nurse, and is visibly confused by the sight of crusty old Jock. As he and Miss Ellie coo comfortingly at her, she notices Bobby standing across the lawn, lights up 'cause I'm guessing he must look a lot like Jock did in his less grizzled days...and runs toward him, grinning joyfully, with her arms outstretched. LOL. She twirls for him before blushingly asking if he likes the shapeless sack of an old lady dress she bought for the occasion, and Bobby can't bring himself to do anything other than stare back at her with a pained expression and mumble about how purdy she looks. She laments being such a burden on him, and tearfully professes how much she loooooves him...and when she becomes too overcome with emotion, the nurse steers her away from Bobby and back towards the asylum. The Ewings stare after her sadly, and Miss Ellie hugs Jock and tells him how sorry she is about his first wife's deteriorating mental state.
Kristin is having dinner with Jordan Lee in her condo, pumping him for any intel on what the oil menfolk in Dallas think of JR. Jordan's like, "Not much", then fondles her hair and excitedly reveals that he just got cut in on the sweetest deal with Ewing Oil.
Sue Ellen tells JR he hasn't looked this nervous since nearly losing Southfork, then says she's off to another therapy session with Dr. Ellby. A few seconds later, Jock et. al. return from their Colorado trip...and Lucy tells Pam that Cliff left a message to call him back asap.
Cliff shows Pam the document he quietly pocketed when they were at Cliff's house the other day and tells her it's a handwritten contract from 1939 with verified signatures of Jock and Digger, which states that all oil profits from the land known as Ewing 23 will be shared equally by Jock, Digger, and their heirs in perpetuity. Cliff excitedly says that since Bobby recently re-activated drilling on Ewing 23, the profits should net the Barneses around 500K a year. He happily adds that this might possibly mean that Digger's life wasn't a total drunken waste - but Pam just makes a meh face and makes it clear that she's less than impressed by this possible cash windfall.
Sue Ellen is back in the cocktail bar across the street from Dr. Ellby's building, boozing it up to the point of near unconsciousness. As she totters around the bar, looking ridic in her long fur coat and high heels, she stumbles to the floor...then stares longingly at the cowboy who helps her up. She whispers, "Dusty?" and he's like, "Uh, sure..?" and steers her over to the nearest table, where Sue Ellen touches his face in a drunken haze of hopefulness, moans, "Dustyyyyy.." and leans in for a smooch.
Bobby and Ray are hanging out at Southfork when Bobby gets a call from the bartender who's been watching Sue Ellen make a drunken arse of herself for the last several hours. He tells Bobby that his sister-in-law could probably use some help, and Bobby's like, "I'm on it" before he and Ray rush off.
Fake Dusty tells Sue Ellen he'd like to take her to a big party with a group of his horny cowboy friends, and she drunkenly bobs her head at the prospect of being gang-banged and lets him steer her towards the exit. A few seconds later, Bobby and Ray arrive...and Bobby firmly tells Sue Ellen he's taking her home now. Fake Dusty's all, "Whoa.." and insists that she's leaving with him...and the situation degenerates into an all-out brawl after Fake Dusty incites the horny cowboys to get involved. When Bobby and Ray get a brief respite from having their lights punched out, they grab Sue Ellen and whisk her out of the bar.
Miss Ellie and Jock are playing backgammon when Bobby returns home with a barely conscious Sue Ellen. As the family looks on in horror, Pam rushes over and helps Bobby drag their inebriated sister-in-law up the staircase. JR, meanwhile, stares despondently into space and tells his parents that one of these days he's going to think about maybe stepping up and possibly do something about [helping?] his alcoholic wife.
The next morning, JR ambles downstairs to the study, turns on the news, then wanders outside by the pool area with a cup of coffee. He gets a call from Hank Johnson, who informs him that things in whatever Asian country he's in "are going nuts", and that the political situation is rapidly changing. JR thanks him for keeping him informed and promises him a big bonus check. Jock, meanwhile, is standing in the study watching the news and is shocked to learn that the Asian rebels have taken over the entire oil industry in their unnamed country. When JR reenters the room, Jock glares at him and screeches, "How much did we lose?!" and JR grins back at him and smugly replies, "We just made ourselves a killing."
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Recap: Miss Ellie is hanging at Matt Devlin's place as she and Matt enjoy a glass of wine. She tells him she probably shouldn't be here, not least 'cause she's been married for 40+ years, has children and grandchildren, and feels as though she's betraying Jock. Matt nonsensically replies that it's not a betrayal to fall in love, and Miss Ellie breaks it to him that she's not in love with him, but rather flattered by all the flirty attention he's been paying her for the last couple of episodes. Matt tells her that while he's disappointed, he's decided to not move forward with his low income housing project - hurray! - and a few seconds later, Bobby calls to inform Miss Ellie that Jock just got arrested for murder by the sheriff, and that he'll pick her up at Matt's and ferry her over to the police station.
Jock, his lawyer Harv Smithfield, and the rest of the Ewing clan are immediately swarmed by the press as they make their way out of the police station once Jock is released on bail. When a young male reporter asks the Ewings if they have a statement regarding the arrest, Jock growls, "I'm mad as hell, boy!" LOL.
Digger regains consciousness and apologizes to Cliff and Pam for his two day drinking spree. Cliff gleefully tells him he just had Jock arrested for murder, and Pam's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" and asks him if he's lost his damn mind. As she rushes off to Southfork to see how her in-laws are handling the predicament, Cliff grins and tells Digger he finally got Jock for him, and Digger mulls that over and mumbles, "I could sure use a drink."
Back at Southfork, Miss Ellie is scoffing at the notion of Jock getting arrested for murder...and Bobby and JR concur and assure her, "No one's going to convict daddy." Pam enters the room and sheepishly apologizes to Jock, and JR glares at her and cattily says, "You can be proud of your brother today." Pam pulls Bobby aside and tells him she has no idea what's gotten into Cliff and that she hates it when he and the Ewings are constantly at each other's throats and perpetuating the show's relentlessly tedious Ewing-Barnes feud.
Scotty Demarest, trial lawyer extraordinaire, arrives at Southfork for his first consultation with Jock. He points out that, in theory, anyone who was alive twenty-five years ago could have killed Hutch McKinney - but then tells Jock it would really help if he had an alibi for the night of the alleged killing. A few seconds later, JR gets a call from the apartment manager of Sue Ellen's love nest in Forth Worth, informing him that his wife was picked up by the police after drunkenly trashing the apartment. Bobby scrunches his face concernedly at the distressing news and offers to go along with him.
Jock recounts for Scotty the fight he got into with Hutch McKinney around the time of his disappearance...and we get a fake flashback of Jock entering a saloon on that fateful night and confronting Hutch about all the kickbacks he was getting at Southfork's expense. When he growls, "You're fired!", Hutch is all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and the two start punching each other. Hutch vows to get revenge for his firing, and Jock threatens to kill him if he doesn't leave Southfork immediately. Jock then follows Hutch back to the Southfork bunkhouse, where the two get into a second brawl (!) - and Scotty grimaces and says his story is far too damning for it to make sense to call him to the witness stand.
The next morning, Jock is reading the newspaper...and the story of his murder arrest is splashed across the front page. Miss Ellie comes outside, tells him to put the paper away, and assures him there's no way he'll be convicted. When he asks whassup with the Mimosa Park project, she tells him that Matt Devlin decided not to move forward with his plans to demolish the park to build low income housing. Jock perks up at that and asks if this is the end of her and Matt hanging out...and when he remarks that she seemed to be spending a lot more time with the man than was reasonably necessary, she explains that the mastectomy left her feeling insecure and unattractive, so she was pleasantly surprised and flattered when Matt developed a romantic interest in her. She assures Jock that she loves only him and could never be unfaithful...and he tears up as the two clutch hands.
Sue Ellen is sitting up in bed drinking coffee when JR enters their bedroom and snarks about him and Bobby having to drive all the way to Fort Worth to bail her out of jail. She shrugs unconcernedly and says she has no memory of trashing her love nest, then points out that her alleged antics pale in comparison to the trouble that Jock currently finds himself in. JR says there's no way his daddy is going to be convicted on the flimsy evidence that Cliff Barnes has concocted, and Sue Ellen says she figured he'd be happy if Jock got hauled off to prison, 'cause it'd mean that he'd be fully in charge of running Ewing Oil. JR shakes his head in dismay and chides her for knowing so little about him even after nine years of marriage...meaning that despite the fact that he's a fully formed adult, he continues to act like a man-child who's comfortable with his subordinate place within the Ewing patriarchy and his constant need to strive for the approval of his grizzled, misogynistic tool of a father.
Bobby drops by the hospital to check on Digger and finds Pam reading the newspaper while sitting vigil at his bedside. Bobby tells her he hired a full time nurse to hover over Digger all day instead of her having to do it, then urges her to return to Southfork so she can get some much needed rest.
Lyle Sloan tells Cliff that the higher ups in the DA's office are growing concerned that he's letting his personal hatred of the Ewings prejudice how vehemently he's pursuing the criminal prosecution of Jock Ewing. Well duh. He then informs Cliff that he (Lyle) will be the lead prosecutor, but that he (Cliff) will be allowed to assist.
Scotty Demarest asks Jock if he knows how his .38 revolver, which was used in the killing of Hutch McKinney, disappeared - and Jock shrugs and says he has no clue when or how it went missing. Scotty mulls that over before recapping the circumstantial evidence that Cliff Barnes has cobbled together thus far...
...and concludes that, yep, it's definitely possible that a jury could convict him for murder.
Bobby returns to the hospital after Pam calls to inform him that Digger has finally regained consciousness. He confronts Cliff in the hall and angrily shoves him against the wall, demanding to know whassup with him trying to convict his daddy of a thirty year old murder...and Pam emerges from her father's room to see what the commotion is all about, and snarls at the two to quit fighting. Bobby enters Digger's room and asks him if he really wants Jock to go to prison and leave Miss Ellie all alone, and Digger says he likes the idea of that first thing, but would never want to do anything that hurts the sainted Miss Ellie.
Back at the courthouse, JR tells Bobby he's skeered to take the witness stand for fear it'll hurt Jock's defense, and Bobby scrunches his face concernedly.
Lyle Sloan tells the judge he wants to submit the head bust that Cliff's anthropologist buddy made of the now deceased Hutch McKinney...and a few seconds later, the bailiff wheels it in, covered with a sheet. Lyle dramatically unveils the bust, and the jury and courtroom spectators titter and gasp with repulsed fascination at the grotesque representation of dead Hutch's head, which someone took a sharpie to and drew in a black bullet hole between the eyebrows. Scotty Demarest cries foul at the "mutilation" of the bust on the grounds that it's an unnecessarily icky and prejudicial visual for the jury, and the judge asks to confer with counsel in his chambers and barks at Lyle to get that revolting thing out of his courtroom, pronto. LOL.
JR spots Sue Ellen lurking around the courthouse hall, sneaking a drink from her flask, and asks her whassup with her boozing it up during Jock's trial. She says she just took a sip to calm her nerves, and he glares at her in disgust while handing her mouth spray so that the courtroom spectators don't smell the alcohol on her breath.
Ray takes the witness stand and testifies that Jock willingly handed over the thirty year employment records for Southfork, which led to the unfortunate discovery that it was former ranch who had been buried on his ranch.
Digger's sister Maggie arrives at the hospital, and Pam greets her with a hug and tearfully tells her that Digger's not doing so well. Maggie wryly says she pretty much assumed that her deadbeat wino of a brother would one day end up like this.
Kyle Sloan puts JR on the witness stand, holds up the murder weapon, and asks him if he recognizes it. JR confirms that it's the .38 service revolver that was formally presented to Jock by his father-in-law during a presentation ceremony...then is forced to admit that he has no recollection of Jock ever mentioning that it had gone missing sometime after Hutch McKinney's disappearance. It remains unclear why he refrains from reminding Kyle that he was five years old at the time, which makes the testimony he just gave wholly irrelevant.
After JR's testimony, Kyle puts a former Southfork ranch hand named Virgil on the stand, who testifies that Jock burst into the bunkhouse around midnight, pulled Hutch out of bed, and threatened to kill him if he didn't leave the ranch this second. The two exited the bunkhouse...and a short time later Jock reentered the bunkhouse to wash off blood that for some yet unexplained reason was splattered all over him. When someone quietly tiptoes into the courtroom and discreetly tells Cliff that Digger is likely to kick the bucket any second, he requests a recess...and the judge agrees to adjourn until tomorrow morning. Cliff ambles over to where Miss Ellie is sitting and tells her that Digger is dying and has requested her presence, and she promises to head over to the hospital pronto.
As Cliff, Pam, Maggie, Miss Ellie, and Bobby hover over Digger on his death bed, he announces that he's about to drop a huge bombshell on all of them. He starts off by telling Miss Ellie he still looooves her and can't, in good conscience, let Cliff ruin her life by railroading Jock with a faux murder conviction. He then tells the story - with the aid of a fake sepia-tinged flashback - of a three day bender he went on thirty years ago...and that when he finally crawled home was startled to find Hutch McKinney canoodling his wife Rebecca (a-ha! mystery solved about who RB is with respect to the belt buckle inscription To HM, With love, RB). Rebecca (who's played by Victoria Principal so she can eerily resemble Pam) tells Digger that she's running off with Hutch, the love of her life, who 1) knocked her up and 2) just got fired by Jock Ewing. Digger shrieks, "Whore!" and backhands Rebecca across the face, which provokes a fist fight between him and Hutch...and Digger ends the brawl by reaching for the [stolen from Jock] pistol he has in his pocket and firing, hitting Hutch squarely between the eyes. Digger then snaps out of his fake flashback and recalls that he dragged Hutch to his car, drove to Southfork to bury the body and murder weapon, and moved to Corpus Christi with young Cliff. Pam stares at him in tearful horror and asks what ever happened to the baby that Hutch fathered, and when Digger just stares back at her mutely, she moans, "Meeeee..?" Digger nods, assures her he always loved her as if he were her bio dad, then stops talking when his head suddenly flops to one side and the machines he's hooked up let out a flatline beep noise.
Pam is in bed at Southfork, looking zonked after being given a mild sedative. The doctor tells Bobby that she's physically OK, but will likely need counseling to overcome the shock/relief (?) that she was never Digger's spawn.
Jock informs his family that the DA dropped the murder charges against him...and when JR apologizes to him for having to testify, Jock assures him it's OK, then gruffly grizzles, "You did it like a man." He then muses about how grateful he is to Digger for pulling his fat out of the fire at the eleventh hour, and Miss Ellie just shakes her head incredulously and says she simply can't believe that the wino who's been slowly killing himself with binge-drinking for the last forty years has finally slipped away.
Cliff, Pam, Maggie, and Bobby are in attendance at Digger's funeral...staring despondently into space as the minister recites Psalms 23.
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Recap: Sue Ellen takes a cab home from downtown Dallas...and when she encounters Jock and Bobby on her way to the house, she needlessly explains that she was just at a routine doctor's appointment. Once she's out of earshot, Jock asks Bobby if Sue Ellen looks at all as though she's been drinking, and Bobby shrugs and says she looked just fine. Jock shakes his head and grumbles about how baffling he finds the antics of the gentler sex: Sue Ellen and her alleged boozing, and Miss Ellie spending so much of her leisure time in a boring quest to save a city park from a low-income housing development.
Cliff is getting settled in his new office at the DA when an associate, Lyle Sloan, drops by to welcome him to his new workplace. Cliff snarks at him to get lost and reminds him that he was the prosecutor who tried to pin Tina Louise's murder on him in Season 2. Lyle tells him not to take it personally 'cause to him it was just a case, then tosses a file folder atop his desk and says he figured he might be interested in stirring up trouble with this cold case: human remains from around thirty years ago found buried on Southfork. Cliff perks up at the prospect of using this dated homicide to torture the Ewings, and starts sifting through the file.
Miss Ellie and her Save Mimosa Park! coterie of old lady supporters are imploring the City Planning Commissioner to do everything in his power to stop Matt Devlin's nefarious plan of building low income housing for the working poor. A few seconds later, Matt arrives and chides the ladies for holding these meetings on his property, and Miss Ellie reminds him that he doesn't yet own Mimosa Park, and sassily adds that he never will if she has anything to say about it. One of the ladies announces that they're going to lunch and invites Miss Ellie along, but she declines and says she needs to be getting home. Matt says he'd be happy to give her a lift to Southfork...and will use the opportunity to talk her out of protesting his housing project.
JR sleeps over at Kristin's condo, and after an all night fuckfest she serves him a plate of caviar and says it's the only food she had in the kitchen. JR chuckles and tells her that if she were ever rated in the art of man pleasing she'd get an A, but an F in anything kitchen related. She coquettishly retorts that she'd happily learn how to cook if she had a man to cook for, and JR cackles at the implausible visual of her laboring over a hot stove. She purrs, "I'd do it for you" and starts hand feeding him caviar, and he's all, "Whoa, honey" and says she's moving a little too fast with all her 'I wanna be your second wife' talk. Kristin disagrees and reminds him that they have everyone convinced Sue Ellen has fallen off the wagon, then says that Step 2 of their plan will be to figure out how to get her to actually take that first drink. JR tells her to leave that piece of the puzzle to him, and urges patience 'cause he's pretty sure his mama and daddy wouldn't appreciate him replacing Sue Ellen with her sister so quickly...'cause ick. Kristin pouts, "I don't wanna wait. I want you now" and JR checks his watch and decides he has time for a quick romp before heading into the office...and the two start going at it.
Matt Devlin drops Miss Ellie off at Southfork, and Jock quips about how surprised he is to see the two "enemies" driving around together and acting so chummy. Matt chuckles and bids Miss Ellie farewell and tells her he'll work on the list (?) they discussed in the limo.
JR enters his bedroom and is immediately pelted with perfume bottles by an enraged Sue Ellen, who angrily accuses him of rifling through her drawers. JR "explains" that he was merely looking for empty booze bottles to confirm his unfounded accusations about her reemerged drinking habit, and Sue Ellen denies falling off the wagon and accuses him of wanting to lock her away in a sanitarium so she's out of the way before she can launch a bitter custody battle. JR scoffs that she's not only a drunk but a paranoid drunk, and she hisses that he's rotten to core and vows to do everything possible to keep him away from her precious baby.
Lucy gets a phone call from her lit teacher Greg, who somehow thinks it's appropriate to ask one of his students out for a dinner date. She declines 'cause she's about to have dinner with her family, but agrees to get together with him for lunch the following day.
JR heads downstairs to enjoy pre-dinner drinks with the family and tells everyone it's pretty clear that Sue Ellen needs to be locked up in a sanitarium asap. Bobby says he hates the idea of forcibly locking up anyone, not least 'cause it's blatantly illegal, and Miss Ellie concurs and urges JR to wait a bit longer and see what happens. A few seconds later, Pam gets a call from Cliff, who informs her that Digger is back from Galveston and went on a crazy drunken bender...and Pam's all, "Ack!" and immediately rushes off.
Cliff is straightening up his apartment when Pam arrives. He tells her that Digger got fired from whatever job he he was working in Galveston [that was a pretty fast firing] ... so apparently he got on the first bus back to Dallas, stormed Cliff's apartment and drank everything he could find, then ripped the place apart looking for more booze before passing out in a puddle of his own vomit. Cliff blames the Ewings for tormenting Digger when it was revealed that he (Cliff) wasn't Baby John's bio dad, then vows to make Jock et. al. pay for everything they've done to his hopeless wino of a father. After that nonsensical pronouncement, Cliff opens his briefcase and pulls out the DA file on the thirty year old remains found buried on Southfork and contemplatively looks it over. He calls up Sheriff Washburn and tells him he wants to meet with him in the morning to discuss the homicide on Southfork - while ominous dun! dun! dun! music plays in the background.
At breakfast the next morning, Pam tells the Ewing clan that Digger is very sick - and JR smirkingly asks, "You mean drunk?" then snidely adds, "That's been going around." Jock tells Miss Ellie he hopes she can spend the day with him, but she's like, "No can do" 'cause she's far too busy sorting out the Save Mimosa Park! conundrum.
Cliff grills Sheriff Washburn about the homicide evidence he collected on Southfork. The sheriff gets all defensive and says he found no indication of any wrongdoing - not counting the bullet that was lodged inside the victim's skull - and that his best estimate is that the victim met his untimely end around thirty years ago. Cliff looks over the items that were found buried with the remains, in particular a belt buckle conveniently inscribed To HM, With love, RB. Sheriff Washburn says he has no idea who HM was, and has zero interest in looking into it...so Cliff says in all likelihood the victim was a Southfork employee, and orders the sheriff to get him the relevant employment records from Southfork. Sheriff Washburn snarks that he's going to need a court order for that, and Cliff promptly produces the required document. After a sassed Sheriff Washburn stomps out of the room, Cliff gets on the phone with a local anthropologist and tells him to meet him at the morgue 'cause he has an urgent project he needs him to start working on asap.
Bobby returns home and finds Sue Ellen hanging with Baby John near the swimming pool. When he's like, "What's new?", she comes right out and tells him what's new is that JR wants her locked away in a sanitarium so he can have sole custody of Baby John. She tears up and says she can't live with JR anymore and desperately wants a divorce...and Bobby's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says he totally bought into the facade she was perpetuating to make everyone think that she and JR were living happily ever after. He tells her he's shocked - shocked! - that JR is trying to make her look like a hopeless drunk, then urges her to be open about her reasons for leaving JR...and not play games, 'cause JR's so much better at that sort of thing. Sue Ellen squeaks, "What about the baby?" and Bobby says that abandoning her spawn to be raised largely by Miss Ellie [and face the same kind of negligent upbringing that Lucy endured] is a choice she may have to make.
Miss Ellie remains stubborn in her determination to save Mimosa fucking Park. A befuddled Matt Devlin asks her how on earth she hooked up with an oil man like Jock Ewing...and Miss Ellie chuckles and concurs that, indeed, her sainted daddy hated oil drilling and considered cattle ranching to be the be-all and end-all of life. Matt suggests they have lunch together so they can continue beating this boring subplot to death in an effort to reach a compromise, but Miss Ellie declines and says she needs to rush home for no particular reason.
Sheriff Washburn stops by Southfork to give Jock a heads up that the Dallas DA's office (meaning Cliff Barnes) is poking around the cold case involving the remains they found on Ray's plot of land during the Mother of the Year episode. Washburn complains that Cliff is making him do his job by obtaining Southfork's employment records from thirty years ago...and when Jock scrunches his face in puzzlement and says he doesn't think his accountant has paperwork that goes that far back, Ray offers to search ye old shed for any decades old ledgers.
Pam drops by Cliff's apartment to check on Digger and is alarmed to find him in his bedroom, passed out face-down on the floor with an empty bottle of booze next to him. She races over to the phone and calls for help.
Bobby storms into JR's office and demands to know why he cut back production on the east Texas oil field that he (Bobby) recently reactivated. JR says he doesn't feel the need to drill in east Texas 'cause of all the oil pumping Ewing Oil is currently doing in Asia, and Bobby threatens to tattle to Jock and put him on the spot about who's better suited to be running the company. JR backs off and agrees to give him the green light to set whatever production levels he wants in east Texas, and Bobby snaps, "Fine!" and storms out.
Cliff is back in Sheriff Washburn's office...and Washburn, Cliff, and Deputy Newly are poring over Southfork's old ledgers, looking for employees' names with the initials HM. Cliff deduces that the victim was most likely a foreman named Hutch McKinney, and Deputy Newly stares contemplatively into space and recalls that Hutch was a douchebag with a nasty temper, and was publicly fired by Jock at a local saloon. Cliff perks up at that and asks Newly if he thinks that Jock might have killed him, and Sheriff Washburn snappishly warns him that that kind of question is waaaaay outta line.
Pam and Cliff are hovering concernedly over Digger, who's laying unconscious in a hospital bed. Pam tearfully relays to Cliff that the doctor told her earlier that Digger's body can't take anymore alcohol abuse...and Cliff grasps Digger's hand and implores him to fight, then promises to exact revenge on the Ewings for everything that's ever gone wrong for the Barnes family during the last forty years.
Sue Ellen is in a therapy session with Dr. Ellby, nattering about her refusal to let JR break her. She says she had planned to sneak away in the night with Baby John, then decided against that 'cause she figured JR would never let her get away with it. She resigns herself to the reality that she's going to have to depart Southfork alone and leave her hapless baby in the care of Miss Ellie and Pam - until such time as Dusty can use his wealth and influence to help her get sole custody of the tot. Dr. Ellby shakes his head in frustration and points out that, despite months of intensive therapy, she still hasn't gotten past her obnoxious 'I'm just a helpless Southern belle'-esque reliance on a man's strength and financial resources to sort out her life's problems, and she just shrugs and is all, "Well duh. Your point is..?"
Cliff orders two of his investigators to comb Southfork for any trace of the weapon that was used to kill Hutch McKinney. A few seconds later, Lyle enters the room to admonish Cliff for tying up so much of the DA's resources into a thirty year old murder case when they have far more pressing work to focus on - but Cliff's all, "Blah blah blah" and says he's determined to solve this heinous crime. Once Lyle is out of earshot, Cliff calls his anthropologist buddy, who tells him he's still working on the project (aka a grisly looking head bust of Hutch McKinney) that was needlessly requested.
Lucy tells the family that she's off to meet her date in a downtown restaurant...and Jock shakes his head disapprovingly and says it's improper for a young lady to not be picked up by her suitor. Lucy reminds him that they're not living in the '50s, assures him she'll be fine driving herself to the restaurant, and happily scampers off. Jock growls at Bobby that he's looking forward to the day that his nitwit of a granddaughter finds someone substantial to marry, then expresses his general dismay about "the women in this family runnin' around with themselves". Miss Ellie, who somehow refrains from telling her crotchety crust of a husband where he can stuff his misogynistic 'tude, asks Bobby how Digger's doing, and Bobby tells her he's in the hospital...while Cliff is on a misguided vengeance-seeking rampage. Jock scoffs at Cliff's general idiocy and derisively says that Digger Barnes never once took responsibility for the epic failure that became his life. Fair point. JR enters the room and reports that Sue Ellen is once again skipping the nightly Ewing family dinner - but claims that he's doing his best to work things out with her. Bobby snappishly retorts that it doesn't look as if he's trying hard enough, then chides him for trying to make it look as though she's fallen off the wagon when he knows she hasn't...and JR's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and pretends he has no idea what in blazes Bobby's talking about.
Cliff returns to Digger's hospital room, where Pam has been sitting all day, keeping vigil. At Cliff's urging, she agrees to take a break and lay down on the couch in the waiting room while Cliff sits with Digger.
Sue Ellen hovers over Baby John's crib and tells the tot she's meeting up with Dusty tomorrow, and that he's scheduled to fly into Forth Worth from San Angelo tomorrow. She coos about what a wonderful stepfather he's going to make, and says sorry in advance for abandoning him until she can arrange to get sole custody. Baby John cocks his little head and bleats, "Mama..?" and Sue Ellen tears up, and picks him up for one last baby-mama cuddle.
Cliff's anthropologist buddy has reconstructed the murder victim's likeness in the form of a head bust, and Cliff looks impressed and says he's going to take photos and give them to his investigators to hand out to people who may have known the victim. (Not sure why this is necessary when Cliff has already IDed the victim as Hutch McKinney, but OK.)
Sheriff drops by Southfork to give Jock a heads up that pesky Cliff Barnes refuses to let sleeping dogs lie and is determined to solve the thirty year old Southfork murder. After he heads out, Ray enters the room to solemnly inform Jock, JR, and Bobby that Cliff's investigator uncovered a .38 Colt service revolver that was likely used in the killing Hutch McKinney. Jock scrunches his wrinkly face worriedly and instructs JR and Bobby to call in whatever favors they can in order to get this murder investigation squelched...and when they're all, "Wuh?", he admits that the .38 revolver was, in fact, his gun.
JR and Bobby work the phones to put pressure on the DA to shut down the murder investigation, but don't have any luck.
A Dallas old-timer named Merdo Ferris, who knew Hutch McKinney back in the day, stares at the anthropologist's head bust and calls it spooky. He recounts for Cliff the night he witnessed Jock Ewing storm into a saloon to bitchily fire Hutch and warn him to leave Southfork or he'd kill him.
Sue Ellen enters the love nest apartment in Fort Worth that she and Dusty have been sharing, and is puzzled when there's no sign of him.
Over lunch, Matt Devlin remarks to Miss Ellie that she's been very quiet today, and she says it's 'cause she wants him to offer a solution to the Mimosa Park stumper. Matt says he'd much rather talk about them, then comes right out and confesses that he's fallen hopelessly in love with her. Miss Ellie blushes, then moans, "Nooooo.." and says she'd better hightail it back to Southfork, pronto.
Sue Ellen is lounging in her love nest when the TV show she's watching is interrupted by a local news bulletin reporting the crash of a private plane in which the pilot, one Dusty Farlow, is presumed dead. As the news camera pans across the smoldering wreckage, Sue Ellen gets a spacey look on her face, then wanders over to the bar (that either she or Dusty thought was a good idea to stock with large bottles of booze) and starts guzzling.
Bobby arrives home and is horrified to find Sheriff Washburn at the ranch reading Jock his rights as he places him under arrest for the murder of Hutch McKinney.
Recap: JR returns to Southfork after a long day at work and audibly groans when he sees that Sue Ellen has thrown him a Happy Ninth Wedding Anniversary! surprise party. As Sue Ellen chirps, "Happy anniversary, darling!", Jock toasts their marital bliss to a roomful of partygoers...while Kristin stands in a corner, glowering. JR ambles over to her and tells her she could at least pretend to have a good time...and a few seconds later, Sue Ellen wanders over to where JR and Kristin are standing and announces to everyone that her dear sister will soon be moving to California, then raises her glass of club soda and adds, "May she find a man of her own!" LOL. As everyone drinks to Kristin's man-hunting abilities, Kristin stares daggers at her sister.
After the party, a tipsy JR amorously invites Sue Ellen to show him what a devoted wife she really is, and she responds by pouring half a bottle of champagne on his crotch and makes it clear that they're never going to have sex again...and that all she wants is a quick divorce and sole custody of Baby John. JR snarls that she's not fooling anyone with her devoted wife act - but she argues that, actually, it's been pretty easy to pull off.
A subdued, hungover JR arrives at work the next morning. Louella informs him that Kristin called and wants him to call her back asap, and he makes it clear that he has zero desire to talk to that tart and to always tell her he's in a meeting. Bobby summons him over to his office to show him a map of Texas with the location of a Ewing oil field that got shut down years ago. He says it's possible there's a lot of oil there and that he intends to start drilling, but JR says he doubts it's worth the trouble for what's likely a small amount of oil. Bobby says he doesn't give a rat's ass what he thinks and that he's moving ahead with the drilling...and when JR irritably asks him why he bothered to tell him about it, Bobby says he figured he should at least go through the motions of informing the president of Ewing Oil what's going on. Back in the foyer, Louella answers another call from Kristin, and JR overhears and shakes his head while mouthing I'm not here.
Later, JR wraps up another fuckfest with the leggy blonde hooker he's been seeing lately, tosses a wad of cash at her, and heads back to his car. After he pulls onto the street, he's immediately followed by a mysterious man in a blue car.
Alan drops by Ewing Oil to tell JR that his job offer at Smithfield & Bennett was rescinded now that he's no longer marrying Lucy. He apologizes for all the double crossing JR thinks he did and reminds him what a bang-up job he did with the whole Cliff Barnes Faux Running for Congress scheme. JR assumes he's wired and pretends to not have a clue what he's talking about...and when Alan snarls that he knows enough to give him plenty of grief, JR tells him to get lost: out of his office, then out of Dallas altogether. After Alan storms out, JR buzzes Louella and asks her to please send a bottle of bourbon to Harv Smithfield with a thank you note.
JR drops by Kristin's condo...and when Kristin bitches at him for not returning her many "urgent" phone calls, he chides her prickly 'tude and says he merely came by to relax with a drink. Kristin whines about how gross it was to watch Sue Ellen hanging all over him during their anniversary party, then asks why in the hell she announced to everyone that she's moving to California. JR's like, "Dunno", then says she probably should go back to California and finish her studies...not least 'cause the only thing she appears to have going on in Dallas is their icky arrangement of her lounging around a Ewing Oil subsidized condo, waiting for him to show up whenever he's in the mood for a romp. Kristin apologizes for complaining and says she misses seeing him, and he hands her some cash and tells her to go out and buy herself something pretty. He then beats a hasty retreat...and when he pulls onto the street, he glances in his rear view mirror and this time realizes he's being followed.
Early the next morning, JR calls his buddy in the police department, Detective Harry McSween, and summons him to Ewing Oil for a private one-on-one.
Miss Ellie is strolling through a neighborhood park with Matt Devlin, once again admonishing his plans to build low income housing in lieu of expanding the city's green space. He politely stands by his decision and suggests they go to lunch so he can convince her to put an end to this boring-as-fuck subplot.
JR tells Detective McSween everything he can remember about the car that was following him. The detective suggests he give him an itinerary of his planned whereabouts so he can arrive at the venues early and catch the stalker in the act.
Alan drops by Kristin's condo and proposes they join forces in hatching a sinister revenge plot against JR for so callously discarding them now that they've served their purpose. He urges Kristin to go over whatever records she may have on JR's malfeasance, and Kristin promises to think it over - but makes it clear that any colluding between them will be hanky panky free, aka strictly business.
JR is hanging out at the hooker's apartment while she browses a magazine and complains about his sexless visit. JR checks his watch and decides he's been at this "appointment" on his itinerary long enough for Detective McSween to be scoping out the area. He climbs into his car and drives off, and the person who's been following him pulls onto the street - and is swiftly stopped by police. McSween demands to know why he's been stalking JR Ewing, and the man immediately cracks and identifies himself as private investigator Tom Fuller, and that he was hired by Sue Ellen Ewing to document her husband's comings and goings.
JR races home to admonish Sue Ellen for hiring a PI to follow him, and she just shrugs and calls it payback for all the times he unleashed his PIs on her. She openly admits that she's actively trying to uncover any dirt that will help in her upcoming custody battle for Baby John...and when a furious JR snarlingly threatens to kill her, she chuckles and says he doesn't have the guts.
JR goes over to Kristin's condo and rails about Sue Ellen...and when Kristin asks him why he doesn't just divorce her and be done with it, he says he doesn't want to risk her getting custody of Baby John or - heaven forfend! - his parents getting wind of his serial philandering if the matter goes to court. 'Cause, yeah, I'm sure that cat hasn't been out of the bag since the early days of his/Sue Ellen's shitty marriage. He figures that the best way to move forward would be to convince his family that Sue Ellen has started drinking again so he has a good excuse to get her locked up in the clinic-mansion sanitarium he imprisoned her in at the end of Season 2. He tells Kristin he could use her help with that, and she giddily says she's more than willing to do his bidding - but only if he agrees to marry her before the ink on his divorce papers has had a chance to dry. JR's all, "Ack!" at the prospect of agreeing to that madness, then somehow manages to keep a straight face as he gives her his word. He instructs her to launch phase one of Operation Make It Look Like Sue Ellen's Drinking Again by inviting Sue Ellen out to lunch and ordering a big glass of bourbon for herself.
The next day, Sue Ellen arrives at a downtown restaurant for her lunch date with Kristin. Kristin apologizes for being such an abominable sister, confesses to hitting the sheets with JR, but puts most of the blame on their mother, who taught them to be the shameless gold diggers they grew up to be. She says she's planning to return to California to complete her studies - but hopes they can bury the sins of the past and be best friends again. Sue Ellen sees no red flag with that proposition and agrees to the two of them going back to being on friendly terms - and Kristin raises her giant glass of bourbon and toasts, "To friendship!", then leans forward to "accidentally" spill the entire contents of her drink all over Sue Ellen's white dress.
JR offers Tom Fuller a briefcase filled with $10,000 cash to rewrite his PI reports to Sue Ellen so that it looks as though his recent activities have included innocent business meetings and get togethers with friends - not the nightly visits he's been paying to the leggy blonde hooker. Tom eagerly agrees to the bribe, but points out that he already sent Sue Ellen a series of PI reports that document his past comings and goings. JR shrugs unconcernedly and says he'll take care of doctoring those.
Sheriff Washburn arrives at Southfork to tell Jock and Miss Ellie that the investigation into the body that was found on Ray's plot of land has been closed due to a lack of new information. A few seconds later, Sue Ellen returns home from her lunch and explains to her in-laws that she has a bourbon soaked dress 'cause Kristin spilled her entire drink on her. When she goes inside to change, Jock scrunches his face perplexedly and remarks to Miss Ellie that he's never known Kristin to drink anything but white wine. Sue Ellen, meanwhile, goes through the day's mail and finds the latest PI report from Tom Fuller. She rushes upstairs and, without even reading the thing, puts it into her [not so] secret hiding space: inside a manila envelop that's taped under the jewelry case in her underwear drawer. Which, I'm guessing, is literally the first place JR would go looking for it.
That evening, JR solemnly tells Jock and Miss Ellie that he found an empty bourbon bottle in his bedroom and is afraid it's a sign that Sue Ellen has started drinking again. He asks them to please not say anything to her about it, but urges Miss Ellie to keep a close eye on her. When he goes upstairs to pretend to concernedly check in on his drunken wife, Jock points out to Miss Ellie that Sue Ellen was acting kinda funny earlier.
The next morning, JR calls Kristin and reminds her to get to Ewing Oil before Jock arrives, and she agrees and says she knows exactly what to do.
When Jock arrives at Ewing Oil, he finds Kristin waiting in the foyer. She tells him she's waiting for JR, who promised to give her the inside scoop on places to live in in California. As anticipated, Jock invites her to wait in his office, and she happily accompanies him there. She asks him if Sue Ellen got home OK after their lunch yesterday, then adds that she's very worried about her sister's newly emerged drinking problem 'cause of the alarming way she boozed it up during lunch, and then drunkenly spilled an entire glass of bourbon all over her dress. Jock mulls over the distressing news and nods his head concernedly.
While driving home, Sue Ellen is pulled over by a police officer...and we see that Detective McSween, who orchestrated the traffic stop, is watching from a nearby squad car.
When the phone rings at Southfork, Bobby rushes out of the room to answer it...then returns a few seconds later with a somber expression on his normally expressionless face and informs the family that Sue Ellen has been detained for faux suspicion of drunk driving.
Later, Bobby drives Sue Ellen back to Southfork, and she quietly enters the house. She tells the family that the drinking and driving accusation is a mistake, and swears that she hasn't had a single drink since the late stage of her pregnancy. When Jock, Miss Ellie, and Bobby stare back at her skeptically, she gives up trying to convince them of her sobriety and retreats upstairs. Bobby tells his parents that the arresting officer reported that Sue Ellen was driving erratically - but didn't charge her 'cause she's a member of the privileged Ewing clan.
JR and Kristin cackle about the successful rollout of Operation Make It Look Like Sue Ellen's Drinking Again and tout their evil cleverness. Kristin excitedly says she absolutely can't wait to be the next Mrs. JR Ewing - and a horrified JR's all, "Whoa, honey" and tells her not to rush it. She poutishly reminds him they made a deal, and he concurs and pretends that he has no intention of going back on his word.
Sue Ellen is in a session with Dr. Ellby, complaining about how JR is trying to make her look like a hopeless drunk in front of his family. Dr. Ellby suggests she go on a trip to clear her mind, but she tells him she's worried that if she leaves town for an extended period of time, JR will find a way to keep her off the ranch for good and bar her from seeing her baby.
During pre-dinner drinks, Sue Ellen tells the Ewings she got some much needed therapy from Dr. Ellby today, and that he doesn't believe she's resumed her drinking habit. She accuses JR of wanting it to look like she's been drinking so he can get her committed to the clinic-mansion sanitarium and gain full custody of Baby John. She admits she hired a PI to follow him around in order to provide proof that he's a philandering douchebag and therefore an unfit father/husband. And speaking of proof, she runs upstairs to retrieve Tom Fuller's reports so that Jock and Miss Ellie can look over the irrefutable evidence for themselves.
In the next scene, Sue Ellen hands Tom Fuller's reports to Jock and Miss Ellie as she shoots JR a smug glare and says, "See what kind of son you have." As JR does his best to hide his amusement, Miss Ellie reads over one of the reports in befuddlement and says that, according to Tom Fuller, JR was doing nothing more than attend business dinners and go on outings with friends. Jock concurs and hands the reports back to Sue Ellen, grumbling, "Why did you do this?" Sue Ellen's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", accuses JR of switching the reports, and lunges at him while shrieking, "I hate you!!"
As Bobby pulls a hysterical Sue Ellen away from JR, she asks if he believes her, and he just stares stonily at her. After she storms out of the room, JR apologizes to his parents for having to witness that loony outburst just now, then gets on the phone with the family physician to set up an appointment for him to make a house call to Southfork and assess Sue Ellen's deteriorating mental state.
Recap: JR is in Alan's apartment, railing at him for dragging his heels in marrying Lucy so that he can swiftly get her (and himself) out of Dallas. Alan says he's doing his best to get Lucy to set a wedding date - but JR complains that his best isn't good enough, then admonishes him for continuing to mess around with Betty Lou Barker. When Alan's all, "How the hell do you know about Betty Lou?", JR says he had him thoroughly looked into, and warns that he has two weeks to set a wedding date. Or else.
Lucy is strolling on campus with her gal pal Muriel. She tells Muriel she can't bring herself to set a wedding date 'cause she doesn't see the rush, considering she has the rest of her life to be married. She then says she's far more excited about their lit class...and as the two enter the classroom and take their seats, Lucy gazes appreciatively at her attractive teacher.
An unshaven, disheveled, beer guzzling Cliff answers his door assuming it's the pizza he ordered - but instead finds Pam standing in his doorway. She wanders around his messy apartment with an ew look on her face, then asks him if Digger is really moving to Galveston. Cliff shrugs unconcernedly and goes, "Yep", so Pam heads over to the other room to see if she can talk her father out of leaving. Digger tells her he's determined to move on, mostly 'cause he really really needs to feel useful again...and apparently there are lots of employment opportunities in Galveston. Pam eventually throws in the towel on convincing him to stay in Dallas ['cause, really, who gives a shit where Digger lives?] and offers to give him a lift to the bus station.
After lit class, Lucy and Muriel amble across campus while excitedly gabbling about their hot teacher. Alan arrives on campus, quickly spots Lucy, and rushes over to remind her that they had an appointment to go shopping for wedding rings this afternoon. Lucy stares back at him blankly and says she totally forgot, then asks if they can do it another time on account of all the pressure she's under to study hard and get good grades. Alan chuckles dismissively and asks her what the point is of getting good grades when she's about to marry him and become a lady of leisure, and Lucy irritably retorts, "It matters to me" before stomping off.
Pam tells Bobby she's very worried about Cliff and asks him if he could do something to help her down-and-out brother. Bobby's like, "Hell no" and assures her that Cliff will land on his feet. At some point. Maybe. But if not, he really couldn't give a rat's ass.
After dinner, Sue Ellen kisses JR on the cheek and politely offers to pour him a brandy...and Jock and Miss Ellie nod approvingly at each other at what they perceive to be much improved marital relations between the two. JR pulls Sue Ellen aside and asks her whassup with all the sugary niceness she's been dishing out lately, and she chuckles and asks him if it's really been so long since he received genuine affection. He mulls that over for a few seconds and is like, "Um, yeah..?"
Later that evening, Pam stares worriedly out the bedroom window and tells Bobby that Cliff is in such bad shape that she simply cannot stop worrying about him. She implores Bobby to do whatever he can to find him a job, so he reluctantly promises to make a half-hearted effort in helping to secure some form of employment for his deadbeat brother-in-law.
JR amorously pulls off his blazer as he steers Sue Ellen towards their bed - but before he can mount her she stops him and says, "I can't." He suspiciously asks her what she's up to - but before she has a chance to answer, he grabs his blazer and heads for the door. Sue Ellen snaps, "Say hello to Kristin", and he glares back at her and retorts, "So much for genuine affection" before storming out.
The next morning, JR gets dressed after spending the night doinking a leggy blonde hooker. He tosses a wad of cash at her and mumbles that he has to head to work now.
Kristin bursts into JR's office while he's chatting amiably with Louella, the secretary Kristin was temporarily replacing when she took a lot of time off to get married. After Louella leaves, JR tells Kristin that she just stopped in to say hi...and Kristin rolls her eyes disinterestedly and demands to know why he didn't come by the condo last night for their regularly scheduled booty call. JR evades answering by saying he suddenly has something urgent to discuss with Bobby. LOL.
JR enters Bobby's office in time to overhear him implore whoever he's talking to on the phone to pleeeeease do him the favor of granting Cliff Barnes a job interview. When Bobby ends the call, an appalled JR warns Bobby that anything he does to help Cliff is only going to backfire on the Ewings...and that if he wants to placate his wife after messing around with Jenna Wade (or any other floozy), it'd be a lot cheaper in the long run to buy her a piece of jewelry. Bwahahaha! Bobby admits that, yep, he's doing this as a favor to Pam, then threatens to bounce JR out of his office if he doesn't get the hell out this instant.
Sue Ellen is feeding Baby John in the nursery when Miss Ellie wanders into the room, nattering about her boring plan to stop Matt Devlin's "pet project" of building low income housing. Sue Ellen's like, "I really don't give a shit about that" [actually...that was me, projecting] and asks her what she thinks about them leaving Southfork...and since Miss Ellie assumes that them includes JR, she says one thing she knows for sure: JR loves the ranch too much to ever consider living [as an independent adult] elsewhere.
Alan is hanging with the Ewings at Southfork when Jock tells him he talked to Horace Smithfield, who's about to retire from the prestigious Dallas law firm, Smithfield & Bennett. He tells Alan there's a job for him at the firm if he wants it...and when Alan's all, "Yes please!", Jock gathers the family around to formally announce the newest hire at Horace & Smithfield. He explains that his string pulling is mostly a wedding gift to Lucy 'cause of how much he wants her to continue living at Southfork and thereby carry on the creepy Ewing tradition of forcing everyone's spouse to live under the same roof as their in-laws...and upon hearing the news, a shocked JR involuntarily spits out his drink. LOL. He congratulates Alan, then suggests they go inside so he can privately berate him for derailing his plans to get Lucy the hell out of Texas.
JR tells Alan he should have turned down Jock's offer - just as Jock enters the room and tells Alan that he and Miss Ellie would like to treat him and Lucy to a celebratory dinner.
Late that evening, JR is waiting inside Alan's apartment...and when Alan walks through the door, JR growls at him for being "a two-timing, double-crossing rat". Alan tells JR he couldn't exactly refuse Jock's generosity - but JR argues that he could have easily said no thank you and reminds him that they had a deal, namely to get Lucy and her scheming parents out of his hair for good. When JR declares the wedding off, Alan points out that he has no authority whatsoever to do that, and smugly adds that the situation has blown up in his face. JR warns him he's making a terrible mistake.
Cliff gets miffed when he learns that the job he's interviewing for is for that of legal assistant. The interviewer shrugs and says it's the best he can offer, considering all the bridges he burned during his many abuses of power while heading up the OLM...and snidely adds that the only reason he even granted this interview was as a favor to Bobby Ewing. Cliff gets incensed, says he can tell Bobby to stuff his rotten job, and storms out of the office.
JR rails to Kristin about Alan's treachery and complains that his hands are tied in terms of badmouthing Alan to Lucy 'cause it'll only make her dig her heels in that much harder. Kristin suggests he come right out and tell Lucy about Betty Lou Barker, but JR says he seriously doubts his niece would believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Kristin offers to help out with that, then sadly remarks that he doesn't count on her like he used to and wonders aloud if he's bored with her. He's like, "Uh, kinda" and says that things between them would probably be a lot more interesting if they didn't see so much of each other...then exits the office, leaving Kristin contorting her freakish Joker lips into an unhappy pout.
JR drops by Betty Lou Barker's apartment and offers her $1,000 if she blows the whistle on Alan for continuing to hook up with her while he's engaged to Lucy. When Betty Lou adamantly refuses, JR shakes his head confusedly and says he totally gets why a nitwit like his niece would be so easily fooled by an obvious con artist like Alan Beam - LOL - but can't fathom why a savvy, intelligent woman such as herself would even give Alan the time of day. Fair point. He vows to break up Alan and Lucy with or without her help, but she remains firm and snarks at him to get the hell out of her apartment.
JR tells Bobby he had Alan checked out and was shocked - shocked! - to learn that he has a secret mistress named Betty Lou Barker tucked away. Bobby shrugs disinterestedly and tells JR to mind his own business, not least 'cause..
Kristin arrives at Southfork with some work papers that JR tells her could have easily waited until morning. She encounters Lucy and Alan on their way to dinner and sassily tells Alan that she ran into Betty Lou Barker today, and that she was shocked to hear about his engagement 'cause she seemed to assume that they were getting married. Lucy shoots her a hateful glare, calls her "JR's little stooge", and says she doesn't buy it...and Alan chimes in and admonishes Kristin for brazenly lying. When Kristin insists it's the truth, Lucy declares that she's suddenly decided on a wedding date: June 14. Alan perks up at this unexpected development and gives his fiancee a blechy smooch.
Later, Alan assures Lucy that he's done with Betty Lou, and is only into her...and would like the chance to prove it in the sack. Lucy rebuffs his advances and says she has to get home 'cause she has a class early in the morning.
The next day, JR asks Kristin whassup with blurting out that falsehood about Betty Lou to Alan last night, then blames her for provoking Lucy to set a wedding date...which means that she and Alan will be taking up permanent residence at Southfork, which in turn could lead to Gary and Val to start "swarming around". Not sure why he assumes that those two would ever want to step foot on Southfork again. He breaks the news to Kristin that he's reinstating Louella as his secretary, but that he'll allow her to continue living in the condo until she makes arrangements to move out of state. A crestfallen looking Kristin is all, "Out of state..?" and reminds him that she has enough dirt on him to cause plenty of trouble. JR snarlingly asks her if she plans on blackmailing him, and she adjusts her tone and coos that she has no desire to hurt him.
Pam drops by Cliff's newly straightened up apartment and is pleasantly surprised to find him showered, clean shaven, and dressed in a suit. When she asks what brought about this transformation, he tells her he took a good hard look at himself, then gives her the bum's rush out 'cause he has several important phone calls he needs to make in private.
Bobby finds Lucy moping on the patio. He tells her he totally gets her being mad at JR for the way he's always manipulating people into doing what he wants them to do - but points out that spite is probably not the best reason to legally bind herself to a douchetard like Alan Beam. Lucy stares blankly into space and says she has no idea what she's going to do 'bout that, then thanks him for caring about her.
While dining out, Lucy comes right out and tells Alan she doesn't love him enough to get married...and that if she went through with it, she'd just be using him to spite JR. Alan pales and cries, "But things were going so well!" - but she's like, "Mmm...not so much" and gives him back his engagement ring.
Alan arrives at Betty Lou’s apartment and finds her with her bags packed, about to leave town. She tells him that talking to JR the other day made her realize how stupid it is to continue a clandestine relationship with someone who's barely worth dating publicly, then snarls that he can have Lucy and his fancy new law firm job without her. As she storms out of the apartment, Alan stares after her despondently.
Lucy returns to Southfork and announces to the family that she called off the wedding when it finally dawned on her that she didn't love Alan enough to want to get married. As Jock and Miss Ellie cluck with disappointment, Lucy asks JR what he thinks of all this...and he feigns indifference and says, "It's your life, honey" before heading upstairs with Sue Ellen. The two act canoodly en route to the bedroom - but once they're behind closed doors Sue Ellen snarls at him to get his shitty hands off of her and spells out her devious plan: convince the Ewing clan that she's the best wife and mother they've ever seen and hope it helps her get custody of Baby John when she files for divorce. JR's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" as he stares back at her in shocked bewilderment.
Recap: Bobby and Ray are playing racquetball at the local club...and after a vigorous game they change out of their workout gear and head over to the bar to chillax with a beer. Bobby whines about his marriage being in the shits ever since Pam had her miscarriage and morphed into a mega-bitch, and Ray advises him to give her space until she de-prickles and comes around. He then tells Bobby he broke up with Donna after JR made him fully realize that the odds of a savvy woman like her wanting to permanently hook up with a dumb-faced yokel who lives in the middle of a shitty Texas ranch were slim to none. Bobby chides him for listening to anything JR has to say and says he should have kept the faith that he and Donna could have worked things out - but Ray shakes his head and sadly declares that it's all for the best 'cause he and Donna have absolutely nothing in common.
Pam returns home from Paris two days earlier than expected and asks Miss Ellie if Bobby's home...and Miss Ellie tells her that he went to the racquetball club with Ray. As Pam sadly shuffles into the house with her suitcase, Lucy remarks to Miss Ellie that for someone who just spent the last few days in a fabulous city like Paris, she doesn't seem very thrilled about the experience.
Pam is unpacking her suitcase when JR appears in the doorway and snidely asks her if she enjoyed Harrison's company while they were in Paris. Pam says it's pretty clear that Harrison is trying hard to please someone, and asks him if he had anything to do with her promotion. JR smirkingly says he merely pointed out her many talents to Harrison 'cause he figured she'd want something to distract her from her unhappiness - and when Pam sarcastically says, "How very kind of you", JR gleefully informs her that Bobby too found something to distract him...and by something, he means Jenna Wade. Pam shrugs disinterestedly and says she's not going to give him the satisfaction of a hysterical reaction 'cause she knows that Bobby and Jenna are just platonic friends...and JR grins in response and says, "Then you don't really know Jenna or Bobby."
Bobby arrives home and runs into JR, who tells him that Pam is home from Paris earlier than expected. Bobby wryly asks him if he happened to tell Pam about Jenna's return to Dallas, and JR smilingly says he may have "accidentally" let it slip. Bobby angrily asks if he hasn't done enough damage after breaking up Ray and Donna, and JR's like, "Heh...nope" and chuckles evilly to himself. LOL.
Bobby heads upstairs to say hey to Pam and ask her whassup with her returning home earlier than expected. She says she got all of her work done and didn't feel like hanging around to sightsee while he's here in Dallas, pissed off at her. She says she heard about Jenna being back in town, and Bobby admits that, yep, he did get together with her the other night...and by get together, he means he seriously contemplated hitting the sheets with her. When Pam just stares blankly into space, an exasperated Bobby asks her if anything matters to her anymore...and she responds by asking him what stopped him from sleeping with Jenna. He says, "Because I love you. And Jenna knows it" and adds that he wants to save their marriage, but can't do it alone. He asks her if she'd be willing to help him out with that, and she stares at him mournfully and squeaks, "I don't think I can." Bobby contorts his normally blank expression into one of deep sadness and quietly stalks out of the room.
Alan presents Lucy with a temporary engagement ring and promises to upgrade it to something flashier as soon as he can scrape enough money together. Lucy squeals happily and gabbles about the splashy society wedding she's always dreamed of having...and he just kind of shrugs disinterestedly and says they could just seal the deal at City Hall for all he cares. Yeesh. Sounds like his enthusiasm for marrying into the Ewing clan is rapidly waning.
Pam sadly tells Miss Ellie that Bobby stayed out all night and assumes he hooked up with Jenna. Miss Ellie insists that Bobby loves her, and Pam nods in agreement and says she fully blames herself for their marital problems 'cause of how supremely cunty she's been acting towards him ever since miscarrying. Miss Ellie mulls that over for a few seconds, then suggests she get therapy from Dr. Ellby, who's been instrumental in helping Sue Ellen get her head screwed on straight.
Bobby arrives for work at Ewing Oil looking tired and disheveled in the same clothes he was wearing the night before. When JR overhears one of the secretaries tell Bobby that Jenna left him a message to call her back asap, he makes gleeful tittering noises. Bobby warns his brother to cut the snide shit about his marital situation 'cause he's in a no-nonsense, shit-kicking kind of mood.
Pam drops by Cliff's apartment, which is in messy disarray while Cliff loafs uselessly on his couch and lazily pontificates his future employment prospects. When he asks her how she's doing, she snaps, "Fine!" and starts throwing magazines around (LOL) and wails about how shittily she's been treating Bobby for the last few months. She says she now realizes she's been doing it to drive him away 'cause of how guilty she feels about depriving him of having children...and Cliff clucks sympathetically but doesn't really offer anything in the way of helpful advice.
Bobby meets up with Jenna for lunch, and she tells him how awful she feels about refusing to doink him unless he was willing to offer her more than a one night stand...and promises to not turn him down a second time. Bobby assures her she did nothing wrong and admits that he used her to distract himself from his marital woes. He makes it clear that there won't be a next time, and that henceforth he's devoting all of his energy to saving his marriage.
Jenna drops by Pam's office to declare that if she (Pam) doesn't want Bobby, then she (Jenna) will be more than happy to snap him up for herself. She says she now realizes that men like Bobby are rare, and that if Pam is reckless enough to throw him away, she has no problem quickly filling her shoes as the second Mrs. Bobby Ewing. With that declaration made, she whirls around and flounces out of the room, leaving Pam staring after her contemplatively.
Sue Ellen gets dressed after her latest doinkfest with Dusty, who tells her he needs to be getting back to San Angelo. He tells her she prolly shouldn't continue to neglect her baby by sneaking around making booty calls behind her husband's back...and when Sue Ellen shoots him a WTF? glare he grins and says he really really wants to marry her the second she's divorced from JR. Sue Ellen beams back at him, then wrings her hands worriedly and says she doubts that JR would let her go easily...and Dusty reminds her that he's just as rich as JR and that his family is as formidable as the Ewings. Sue Ellen says she's going to need time to think this over, and Dusty gives her a big smooch, coos, "I love you", and implores her to leave JR asap. Sue Ellen happily promises to get on that at her first available opportunity and smooches him back.
Donna drops by Ewing Oil to discuss Ray's dumping of her with Jock. She wanks him by telling him he's a respected father figure to Ray, then asks if he could please convince the yokel that he's not completely out of her league. Jock says he doesn't make it a habit to interfere with his sons' lives and has no intention of doing that with Ray [even though Ray turns out to be his bio son, ironically enough] and declines to entangle himself in the boredom that is their budding romance. Donna says that while she's disappointed she understands, then exits the office...and when she runs into JR on her way out, she gives him the what for for getting into Ray's ear about the ill-fatedness of their relationship, then threatens to use whatever means she has to destroy him.
JR finds Sue Ellen cooing over Baby John in the nursery...and when he starts nattering about his day, Sue Ellen rolls her eyes and says it's a little late for them to pretend to be a happy couple. She comes right out and says she wants a divorce, and he asks her who she's been hitting the sheets with...and adds that he's pretty confident asking this 'cause he knows full well that she wouldn't have the guts to leave him without there being a rich guy waiting in the wings to continue financing her ladies-who-lunch type lifestyle. Sue Ellen doesn't name names, but says that her new squeeze is just as rich and powerful as he is and can't be intimidated by him...and JR shrugs with complete indifference and says that this 'rich and powerful' man is actually doing him a favor 'cause he'd be utterly delighted to get rid of her via a divorce - but then makes it clear that she won't be allowed to take his son away from Southfork. Sue Ellen, who somehow didn't anticipate this easy-to-predict response, is all, "Wha-a-a?" and threatens to fight him in court - but he points out that since she has a long and shameful record of being a slutty wino who was so far gone that she had to be committed to a sanitarium, no judge will ever award her custody of the tot.
Bobby is drowning his marital sorrows in a beer at the Longhorn bar. On his way out, he accidentally bumps into a cowboy who gets testy with him...and when he and his yokelly pal taunt him about being a self-entitled Ewing, Bobby throws him up against the wall and snarls at him to back the hell off...then stomps out of the bar without further incident.
A dazed Sue Ellen wanders out of the house and passes Pam, who asks her if she's OK and where she's going. She mutters, "Nowhere in particular" just as JR appears in the patio doorway to watch the spacey spectacle. When Pam urges him to stop his distressed wife, he just shrugs and goes, "Why?" ... and Pam shoots him a look of puzzled bewilderment before going inside.
Ray returns to his hovel and finds Donna waiting for him. He grimaces and says she's making their breakup harder by showing up at his place uninvited, so she says she just came by to tell him she's leaving town on a statewide tour to help her stepson get support for his health reform bill. She concedes that their relationship has no chance if he has zero faith in their ability to make it as a couple...and when Ray mumbles, "Sorry", she calls him stubborn, gives him a smooch, and tearfully says, "I love you" before heading out.
Bobby returns home to pick up a change of clothes and finds Pam reading in the living room. He tells her that Jenna came to see him and declared her love for him - but makes it clear that he's not in love with her, and that he's been staying in a hotel for the last few nights, meaning not shacking up with Jenna. Pam says she accepts all of the blame for their marriage breakdown, and admits that she's been deliberately pushing him away so he could go off and find someone who can give him children. Bobby makes it clear that he wants to stay married to her, with or without children, and Pam says she's into the idea of fixing their marriage if he's willing to give her another chance. He smiles and says, "I can do that", and Pam happily coos, "I love you" and gives him a reconciliation smooch.
JR hovers over Baby John in the nursery, then picks him up and cuddles him while staring contemplatively into space.
A still dazed Sue Ellen arrives at Dusty's place and tells him that while JR is thrilled at the prospect of divorcing her, he's unwilling to let her extract Baby John from Southfork. Dusty says he has more than enough dough to finance an ugly custody battle - but Sue Ellen says she highly doubts that a judge would grant her custody of her son, considering her sordid history of alcoholism. She says that despite her deep love for him, she can't leave her baby...then tearfully concedes that JR always wins. Dusty implores her to take some time and think this through, but she says she likely won't change her mind, then spacily wanders out of the apartment.
Sue Ellen returns to Southfork and sits in her car for several minutes, staring glumly into space. When she finally exits her car and ambles toward the house, she runs into JR, who smugly says, "I knew you'd never have the guts to go" ... and Sue Ellen glares back at him with a look of naked hatred etched across her face.
Recap: JR is sitting alone on the Southfork patio, sipping scotch, when Sue Ellen returns home shortly before midnight. He demands to know where she's been for hours on end and snarks about how she hasn't been at home a single evening this week. Sue Ellen points out the hypocrisy of his established history of staying out all night for "business reasons", then fibs about being at a committee meeting all evening. JR tells her he got a phone call from a committee member earlier, asking him why she pulled a no show at tonight's meeting...and she doesn't bother hiding her gleeful indifference at being caught in such a brazen lie, and sashays inside the house.
Pam and Bobby are in bed, reading. After a few seconds, Pam puts her book away, shuts off the lamp on her nightstand, and coldly says good night...leaving Bobby staring despondently into space.
Ray and Donna are playing backgammon in her apartment...and when they finish the game, Ray says he needs to get some shut-eye 'cause he has to get up early and do ranch stuff at Southfork. He gives her a smooch and coos, "I love you" ... and she avoids reciprocating and says she hates the thought of people thinking she's "a merry widow" for hooking up with a strapping, youngish yokel so soon after her elderly husband's death. Ray assures her he's A-OK with keeping their budding romance on the down low and gives her another smooch.
Miss Ellie is hosting a woman's committee meeting at Southfork, where a guest speaker - city developer Matt Devlin - is enthusiastically gabbling about his prospective plans to build housing for the poor in lieu of funding the Mimosa Park Project. Miss Ellie argues that a city park would serve all people - not just poor people who she doesn't believe are in need of low income housing...which seems like an easy pronouncement for a rich matriarch who lives on a sprawling ranch to be making.
Pam is hard at work at The Store when her boss, Harrison Page, enters her office. He applauds the savvy way she handled herself at this morning's meeting, then lays it on thick about her superb style and good sense of judgement. He informs her he's sending her to Paris this episode to meet with fancy French designers, and she's all, "Wuh?" and says she's very surprised by the sudden request. Harrison's like, "Why? You knew that travel would be part of the job" ... and when he asks if she's in any way reluctant about traveling the globe for the good of The Store, she flashes him a fake smile, says, "Nope", and gushes about how wonderful Paris is. Harrison nods approvingly and says, "Good girl" and exits her office. Pam stares unhappily into space - not only 'cause she's a grown woman who was just called girl by her shithead boss, but more 'cause she correctly assumes that Bobby is going to be a total dickwad about her jetting off to Europe on business.
Sue Ellen arrives at Dusty's hideaway and tells him that JR was waiting up for her last night and demanded to know with whom she's been spending all of her time. She says she never expected much out of marriage - until she saw how lovely dovey Pam and Bobby are towards each other (up until Pam had the nerve to become an independent career woman, that is). She decided she wanted to have that for herself, which explains why she hooked up with Cliff..and Dusty shakes off that blechy visual and is all, "Whatever. The only thing that matters is our love for each other." That said, he tells her he has zero interest in continuing to commute from San Angelo for their booty calls, and eventually wants her to divorce her damn husband and move in with him.
Ray and Donna enter the Lornhorn Bar, and two of Ray's yokel friends amble over to their table and are all, "Long time no see!" Ray invites them to sit down and stay awhile so he can get caught up on the latest yokel gossip...and Donna stares into space and looks visibly bored.
Bobby - no surprise - is irritated by Pam's business travel and says he doesn't like the idea of putting distance between them at a time when their marriage is on shaky ground. He orders her to cancel the trip, and she tells him to go pee up a rope [sorry, that was me, projecting] and continues packing...and he angrily storms out of the bedroom like the self-centered misogynist little bitch he is.
Donna reminds Ray that her stepson Dave Culver and his wife are coming over for dinner tomorrow night, and Ray makes a blech face and says he's passing on that grisly sounding evening. Donna reminds him that she spent an entire evening at the Longhorn listening to him gabble with his yokel buddies and says it'd mean a lot to her if he comes to dinner. He mulls that over and reluctantly agrees to make an appearance.
At breakfast, Miss Ellie rails at Bobby and Jock about stupid Matt Devlin and his determination to go ahead with his housing project instead of funding the city park she favors...then gets annoyed with Jock when he says he likes the idea of building more low income housing. Pam, meanwhile, asks Bobby to drive her to the airport this afternoon and see her off to Paris, and he glares irritably into space before reluctantly agreeing.
Sue Ellen is in the nursery to offer some brief mothering to Baby John in the form of giving him teething medicine.
While driving around Southfork, Ray tells Bobby he's dreading having to make small talk with Dave Culver and his wife at tonight's dinner. Bobby says that Dave seems like a pretty nice guy, and Ray glumly says he hopes the evening isn't a total bore.
Kristin sashays into JR's office and asks him why he's been so ill-tempered lately, and he snappishly tells her to get back to her typewriter and finish the report he asked her to do.
At the airport, Pam tells Bobby she hates leaving while there's all this tension between them, and Bobby unhelpfully retorts, "Then don't go" - just as Harrison Page appears and smugly promises Bobby he'll take care of his "charming bride". Bobby's like, "Whatever dude" ... and on his way out runs into his old squeeze Jenna Wade, who tells him she just put her daughter Charlie on a plane to Rome. Bobby perks up and gushes about how terrific she looks, then gives her a full on lip kiss (!) - just as Pam just happens to turn around to give him a goodbye wave. Harrison asks her who the blonde hottie Bobby's playing kissy face with is, and Pam breezily says that Jenna is an old friend...then shoots an oblivious Bobby the stink-eye before boarding the plane.
Over drinks at a bar, Jenna tells Bobby she recently moved back to Dallas and just sent her daughter to Rome for a month. She thanks him for the helping hand he apparently gave her in snagging a plum job as a fashion editor, then invites him over to her place for dinner tonight. Bobby visibly lights up and says he'd loooooove to.
Over dinner, Donna and Dave Culver passionately debate boring political shit...and after some tedious back and forth, Dave's wife rolls her eyes and tells the two to give it rest already. When Dave and Donna head over to the kitchen, the wife confides to Ray that she loooooves Donna, but can't stand politics. Dave, meanwhile, tells Donna that he finds Ray too quiet and dimwitted to ever be a suitable significant other - but Donna insists that he's strong, kind, and the best man she's ever known (except, of course, for her saintly late husband).
JR returns with Kristin to her condo to retrieve some work papers, then says he's heading home for the night. When Kristin snarkishly asks if he's focusing on Sue Ellen these days, he sighs wearily and says he's too busy to spar with her, and that he doesn't find jealousy particularly attractive. Kristin sassily asks if finding a second lover would succeed in making him jealous, and he shrugs disinterestedly and says, "It might be worth a try" - bwahahaha!! - before beating a hasty retreat.
Sue Ellen and Dusty wrap up another romantic evening, and the two agree to get together and do it all over again tomorrow night.
Jenna and Bobby gigglingly reminisce about the old days. She thanks him for coming over for dinner, and he gives her another full on lip kiss and asks her if she's busy tomorrow. When she says no, he suggests they go picnicking together...and she happily accepts.
Donna chides Ray for not engaging in conversation enough with Dave and his wife during last night's dinner, and he says it was hard to get a word in edgewise when she and Dave were nattering ad nauseum about politics. Donna points out that he could have changed the subject, so Ray wryly reminds her he's a dullard who has no interests other than doinking her and being chief ranch hand at Southfork. When he scrunches his face in frustration and says he's leaving now, she begs him not to go away angry and is certain that if they put their heads together long enough, they're bound to stumble across something interesting to talk about.
Bobby returns to Southfork at the same time as Sue Ellen, and she gushes about what a fantastic evening she had...and cheekily adds that it was mostly 'cause she didn't have to sit through yet another unbearable Ewing family dinner. Heh. She heads straight upstairs to the nursery, where an unhappy looking JR is hovering over Baby John's crib. He chides his wife for neglecting their child, doesn't buy her ridiculous fib about going to a movie by herself, then growls, "How much of this do you think I'm going to take?" Sue Ellen sassily retorts, "As much as I care to give you" and tells him he no longer has the power to intimidate and/or bribe her into doing what he wants.
During breakfast the next morning, JR perks up when he hears that Bobby is off picnicking with Jenna and cackles about what a studly playboy his brother was before marrying Pam. That's kind of hard to envision, but OK. Sue Ellen announces that she's off to begin her day, and JR leaps out of his chair and insists on spending the entire day with her, and escort her to this evening's Daughters of the Alamo health care rally. Sue Ellen frowns unhappily as she contemplates what this means for her planned evening with Dusty and fake breezily says, "Suit yourself."
Sue Ellen calls Dusty to cancel tonight's booty call and suggests they get together tomorrow night instead - but he declines and tells her he's driving back to San Angelo in a few hours. After the call, JR - who's been gleefully eavesdropping from the doorway - grins knowingly at Sue Ellen and chirps, "Ready sugar?"
While picnicking, Jenna tells Bobby that she spends her days at work, taking care of Charlie, and socializing with friends. She adds that she's had a lot of time to think about what she wants out of life...and has concluded that she wants what he and Pam have: a solid marriage. When Bobby's expression turns sour, Jenna asks whassup with that reaction...and he's like, "Nuthin'" and reminds her that is the same picnic site they used to sneak off to and smooch. He leans in and gives her a peck on the lips, and then the two stare longingly at each other.
At the Daughters of the Alamo health care rally, Donna mingles easily with the wealthy A-listers while Ray stands at the far end of the room in an ill-fitting suit, looking painfully fish-out-of-water. JR remarks on how great Donna is at working the room...and that she's far too attractive, wealthy, and politically savvy to be satisfied by a life in his rural shithole. As he ambles off with a self-satisfied smirk, Ray stares despondently into space.
Later that evening, Ray tells Donna that despite his love for her, he thinks it's best if they call it quits. He explains that he finds events like the rally she just dragged him to unbearable and can't see himself hanging around the fringes being "Mr. Donna Culver". Donna's all, "Wuh?", recalls seeing him talking to JR earlier, and asks if he's the one putting these ideas in his head...and Ray admits, yep, that JR did point out the obvious. Donna begs him not to listen to what she calls JR's lies, and insists that they can work this out - but Ray sadly shakes his head, says, "I love you", and dejectedly shuffles out of the apartment.
After the picnic, Jenna thanks Bobby for a fun day and says it was just like old times. Bobby gives her a smooch and says there's no reason for him to head back to Southfork tonight - but Jenna's like, "Whoa dude" and makes it clear that she wants more from him than a one night stand. Bobby stares back at her blankly, struggling to contort his normally wooden face into a conflicted expression.
Recap: JR is gabbling with Alan Beam on the phone, promising to reward him for doing such a bang-up job screwing with Cliff's career and political aspirations. He then calls up some associate named Danny (Denny?) to urge him to watch the press conference that's about to air on KGIM - just as the camera pans over to Cliff sitting in KGIM's hair and makeup room, looking over his notes for the energizing speech he's about to give to viewers. Alan bursts into the room to break the "bad news": every last dime of his campaign donations have suddenly dried up, meaning that this will be his last broadcast as a congressional candidate. Cliff's all, "Wha-a-a-a? How is that posssssssible?!", so Alan "explains" that the big money donors who were the only thing keeping his campaign afloat have mysteriously jumped ship...leaving him no choice but to gracefully bow out of the race. As a deflated Cliff shuffles off to sadly deliver his final speech, Alan removes the Cliff for Congress button from his jacket and smirks evilly as he tosses it in the direction of the nearest trash can.
Cliff tells his television audience that since his fundraising has hit a baffling standstill, he's forced to withdraw from his campaign. Over at Southfork, Miss Ellie is watching the speech and murmurs, "Poor Digger.." while Sue Ellen bitchily snarks, "Some people deserve to fail." Over at Ewing Oil, JR and Jock gleefully cackle over the new development and decide to have a celebratory drink at the Cattleman's Club...while Bobby opts to remain behind and stare worriedly into space about how the fallout is going to affect his marriage.
Sue Ellen gets a call from Dusty, who tells her he's at the Regent Hotel in Fort Worth and would like to see her asap. As Lucy shamelessly eavesdrops on the call, Sue Ellen talks to him in cryptic fashion, then sashays over to Miss Ellie and fibs that she just spoke to the husband of her old college gal pal, who just invited her to attend her pal's surprise birthday party in New Orleans. Miss Ellie urges her to get out of town for the night and have some fun, and promises to look after her spawn while she's away.
Cliff storms into the Cattleman's Club and makes a beeline over to where JR, Jock, and a couple of oil cronies are sitting and announces that he's calling for an investigation by the Federal Elections Commission, 'cause he's pretty sure that JR somehow intimidated his contributors. JR laughs at the notion of anyone being dumb enough to offer him financial campaign support...and Cliff mulls over the specific nature of that insult and correctly guesses that JR has been the one fake bankrolling him all this time. JR stares back at him with wide-eyed amusement and smirkingly says he'd never do anything illegal - and Cliff responds by grabbing him by the collar in preparation for a smackdown. Jock grabs Cliff from behind and growls, "Cool it boy" - and Cliff vows to somehow someday nail JR for what he's done. JR glares at him disdainfully as he says, "You have to be a man to play in my league" then tells him to run along. After an enraged Cliff storms off, Jock chides JR for shredding the man's last scrap of dignity - but JR just shrugs and reminds his daddy that since Cliff is no longer head of the OLM, he no longer presents a threat to Ewing Oil.
Sue Ellen arrives at Dusty's Fort Worth hotel room wearing a thick fur coat and carrying an overnight bag...and he marvels over how pretty she is. He tells her he's soooooo happy to see her again, and she tells him how happy she is that he called...and the two engage in a long, chemistry-free smoochfest.
Digger is boozing it up in Cliff's apartment [I guess this means he's officially fallen off the wagon] when Debra Johns from the Dallas Press comes knockin' to get a statement about Cliff's aborted campaign. She asks Digger how he feels about it...then covertly hits the record button on her tape recorder as Digger drunkenly blathers about Baby John Ewing being the love spawn of Cliff and Sue Ellen. A few minutes later, Cliff arrives home...and when Debra asks him if he'd like to confirm or deny his father's claim that Baby John Ewing is his, Cliff confirms he is. Most likely. Digger salutes his son's sassy declaration by raising his glass of booze in his direction before guzzling it.
Sue Ellen tells Dusty how much she enjoyed their doinkfest last night - just as room service and the morning paper arrives. She picks up the paper and is aghast at the front page headline - Barnes Claims Ewing Child His - and tells Dusty she needs to head back to Southfork pronto.
As Jock rails about the headline, JR weakly says it's just Cliff's "cheap way" of getting revenge on the Ewings for his failed campaign. When Jock, who just seems to blindly assume that Sue Ellen has been faithful to JR all this time, suggests suing Cliff for libel, Bobby and JR look alarmed and JR tells him that taking the matter to court is probably not the best solution 'cause it could send Sue Ellen on another sanity-busting tailspin. When Sue Ellen returns home from "New Orleans", Jock assures her he'll take care of Cliff's public lies...and, to that end, he rushes off to call the family's high-priced attorney, Harv Smithfield.
Pam asks Cliff why in blazes he'd tell a reporter that he's Baby John's bio dad, so he tells her that JR was the one who scammed him into quitting the OLM by launching a fake funded congressional campaign. He says he's refusing to go down quietly and, less importantly, is slightly miffed that he's never really had a chance to spend time with his own baby.
Sue Ellen stops by Ewing Oil to join Harv's meeting with Jock and JR to discuss combating Cliff's "lies". Harv says he drew up papers for Sue Ellen to initiate a 500K lawsuit against Cliff and the Dallas Press, and Sue Ellen's all, "Wuh? I have to initiate the lawsuit?" Harv gives her a strange look as he replies, "Well duh. Hasn't this scandal caused you to suffer mental anguish?" - but then stops short of asking her if there's any truth to Cliff's claim. Sue Ellen stares back at him blankly for a few seconds before pretending that, yep, she's mentally anguished all right - but doesn't think that slapping Cliff with a lawsuit is the best way to respond. She haughtily says in her obnoxious southern belle manner that her momma used to always say 'a lady doesn't dignify an insult by answering it' - but Jock just rolls his eyes and tells her to sign the damn papers, which she dutifully does.
Sue Ellen rushes up to the nursery upon returning to Southfork with JR closely in tow. She tells him really didn't want to sign those papers - and JR snarls that none of this would be happening if she hadn't whored around with Cliff [around the time he was whoring around with every willing, nubile tart who happened to stumble into his orbit]. Sue Ellen's like, "Whatever" and canoodles her baby while JR storms out of the room in disgust.
Cliff's lawyer friend, Barry Lester, tells Cliff and Digger that the funding sources for his doomed campaign look legit. He asks if it's possible for Alan to have been in on JR's scheme, but Cliff confidently replies, "No chance." A few seconds later, Cliff receives registered mail, aka official notice that he's being sued by Sue Ellen for libel. Barry says he could retort by suing for visitation of Baby John if he can prove his paternity...and Cliff mulls that over, decides a bold move like that would definitely irk JR, and tells Barry to draw up the papers asap.
Sue Ellen rushes back to Dusty's hotel room in Forth Worth in her thick fur coat to gauge his reaction to her baby daddy scandal. When he asks her if it's true that Cliff is her spawn's bio dad, she admits he could be...and says the two of them prolly shouldn't be rendezvousing in hotels until the scandal dies down. Dusty gets irked and wails, "I thought I was rescuing you from a bad marriage!" then asks her how many of these "little affairs" she's been having while married to JR. Sue Ellen angrily says he couldn't be more wrong about her feelings for him, then flounces out of the room.
Harv arrives at Southfork with news of a grim development: Cliff has initiated a custody suit, and is demanding blood tests to prove for once and for all who in the hell Baby John's damn father is. Sue Ellen shrieks, "Never!" and calls the suit humiliating and degrading...and Harv urges her to comply 'cause it'd be very weird if she or JR refused to submit to the blood test.
JR follows Sue Ellen up to the nursery and tells her if the blood test proves that Cliff knocked her up, he'll get a quickie divorce, steel-toe her ass out of Southfork, and let her walk the streets for all he cares.
Lucy and Miss Ellie are clothes shopping when two society women (Marilee and an unnamed friend) stop over to say hey, and that they'll miss seeing the disgraced Sue Ellen at the upcoming Daughters of the Alamo awards dinner. Miss Ellie says, on the contrary, the entire Ewing clan is planning to show up for the event, and that she's even hosting a pre-dinner party at Southfork for all of the attendees. Marilee and her unnamed friend accept the invitation, then amble off while giggling to each other how the scandal-ridden Ewings have nerves of steel. Lucy chuckles and tells Miss Ellie she handled that beautifully, and Miss Ellie nods in agreement as she sanctimoniously declares, "Ewings don't back down."
That evening, Sue Ellen wanders outside to stare forlornly into space at her predicament. She encounters Bobby, who's sitting on the patio enjoying a drink, and laments messing things up so badly. Bobby says it's not helpful to worry about her slutty past, and promises to stand by her, whatever the blood tests reveal. Sue Ellen tears up and says she has no idea what she'll do if the tests prove she's "a whore" ... not least 'cause now that Dusty has forsaken her, she has no backup rich man to sponge off of in the event that her baby daddy turns out to be Cliff.
During breakfast the next morning, Bobby takes a call from Harv, who tells him that the blood tests were inconclusive 'cause both JR and Cliff have the same blood type. Bobby announces to the family says the court ordered new, more sophisticated testing...and Sue Ellen, Bobby, Pam, and JR fidget uncomfortably as they stare worriedly into space.
As JR and Sue Ellen go to the clinic to give another round of blood, Sue Ellen haughtily asks the doctor how many times they're going to have to put up with this indignity. The doctor's like, "Dunno" but promises to do the testing immediately - then sternly rebuffs JR's thinly veiled attempt at bribery by firmly telling him he can't be bought and intends to be 100% impartial with respect to this sordid baby daddy matter.
Cliff returns home after his blood test and tells Digger he's pretty sure it will prove that he's Baby John's father.
Party time! The Ewings are mingling with the Daughters of the Alamo dinner crowd when Jock announces to the family that Harv Smithfield is coming over with the paternity test results...and makes that announcement loud enough for Marilee (and whoever else is standing nearby) to hear. Marilee snidely remarks that they're finally going to learn who the tot's father is, and Jock shoots her the stink-eye before gruffly retorting, "We already know who the father is."
Sue Ellen enters the study where the liquor is stored...and is about to pick up a bottle and throw all good sense to the wind when Lucy enters to room to smirkingly tell her she has another phone call from the "husband of her college gal pal" who had called earlier. Sue Ellen picks up the extension to talk to Dusty, who apologizes for his outburst at the hotel. He assures her he loves her and is just jealous she hit the sheets with another man, but promises to be there for her, whatever happens. A few seconds later, JR enters the room and snappishly orders Sue Ellen to rejoin the party.
Harv arrives at the party to dramatically reveal the paternity test results...which seems like an odd thing to do in full hearing range of all the partygoers, but OK. He says that this time the test was conclusive...then pauses as the camera pans around to catch everyone's facial expressions before Harv channels his inner Maury by triumphantly blurting out, "JR, you are the daddy!" LOL. Sue Ellen looks stunned, if not totally thrilled by the results, while Jock proposes a toast to the blood test that proves Cliff Barnes a liar. JR happily drinks to that, while Pam immediately rushes off to see how Cliff is taking the news.
JR says he wants to carry on with the libel lawsuit against Cliff - but Sue Ellen says it's enough that he's ruined the man's career and insists on doing the "only gracious thing" by dropping the embarrassing lawsuit.
Pam rushes over to Cliff's apartment to ask him if he heard the news...and he tells her he has, but that he doesn't believe it. Pam says that since the doctor's on the up and up, it's not possible that JR paid him off - then points out the good news story in all of this: there's no chance that Baby John will develop his genetic disease and die in infancy. Cliff's like, "Big whoop" and grumbles about how JR has taken everything from him.
JR enters the nursery and stares lovingly at Baby John. He touches the tot's hair and face, then picks him up and gives him his first father-son canoodle.
Recap: JR is at a bar, shmoozing with the cartel and gabbing on the phone to Kristin. He invites her to join him for a late supper followed by a booty call at her condo, then asks her to pass along a message to Alan Beam to swing by the condo first thing in the morning for a tête-à-tête about the status of Cliff's congressional campaign.
Kristin sashays back to her desk and tells Alan to stop by her condo in the morning for a meeting with JR. Alan says he's irked that she didn't give him a chance to talk to JR on the phone just now, but she just rolls her eyes and says he has nothing relevant to tell JR, not least 'cause he's nothing more than a replaceable flunky. Alan snarlingly retorts that she's the replaceable one, not least 'cause she's nothing more than a secretary who got where she is by laying on her back. As she glares hatefully at him, he remarks on how JR is due for a change in mistresses. No doubt he is, Alan. No doubt he is.
Alan and Lucy are about to be seated at a restaurant when they gaze across the dining room and spot JR cozily dining with Kristin. Lucy says she'd like to storm over and give JR the what for for carrying on in public with his own sister-in-law, but Alan stops her and says he doesn't want her to get into trouble and would prefer it if she didn't cause a scene tonight.
Later at the condo, JR grumbles to Kristin about Jock and Bobby always being underfoot at the office...and Kristin assures him that now that the overseas wells are coming in, they'll surely back off soon enough. She pours him a drink and asks him if he's starting to get bored with her...reminding him that when it comes to fickle adulterers such as himself, the chase is always so much more fun than the catch. She comes right out and asks, "Have I been too easy?" and JR refrains from laughing out loud at the absurdity of her utter cluelessness about their unholy coupling and silently pulls her onto the bed so they can start going at it.
While canoodling in bed with Alan, Lucy says she's planning to attend Cliff's fundraiser tomorrow night...and that she's going to deck herself out in a super sexy outfit for the sole purpose of turning him on. Alan's all, "Mmm.." and shuts off the lights.
Jock attempts to canoodle with Miss Ellie as the two lay in bed together, then gives up when she proves to be as responsive as a rock. He asks her what she thinks about them going to Punk Anderson's annual barbecue, and she tells him she's not up to mingling with so many people so soon after her mastectomy and would rather not attend. Jock shrugs and assures her it's A-OK with him if they skip it.
Pam and Bobby return home from a night of dancing and overdrinking with Ray and Donna. After some amorous smooching in the downstairs study, Bobby suggests they continue this upstairs - but Pam flinches at the thought of hitting the sheets with him and says she's going to heat up some milk first. Bobby stares at her perplexedly and mumbles, "OK, sure."
Ray and Donna are enjoying a morning-after canoodle in a hotel room, which...blech. As Ray gets dressed, Donna's lawyer Jonas drops by to get Donna's signature on some papers. He ignores the icktastic visual of bare-chested Ray putting his clothes on and advises Donna to hire someone to manage her $10 million inheritance from Sam Culver's estate. Ray heads out and for some reason grimaces at the mention of Donna's substantial, newfound wealth.
Lucy enters the breakfast patio clutching a letter she just got from Val, who writes that she and Gary are having an awesome time on Knot's Landing. Miss Ellie sighs wistfully and says she'd looooove it if Gary came back to Southfork so that they could all live under one roof and be a complete family again. JR looks alarmed at that prospect and quickly changes the subject to Punk Anderson's annual barbecue - but Jock abruptly shuts that down in his usual gruff fashion and brusquely says that he and Miss Ellie have no plans to attend this year. He changes the subject to JR's husbandly duties and asks him why he stayed out so late last night, so JR says he was conferring with his cartel buddies, who now want in on the Asian oil deal. Jock reminds JR that he's supposed to be including Bobby in meetings like that...and when an irritated Bobby storms off to his car, Pam scurries after him and apologizes for blue balling him last night. He scrunches his face in irritation and says, "Forget it" ... and when she invites him to lunch today, he tells her he doubts he'll have time for lunch, then gets into his car and squeals off.
JR follows Lucy to her car, grabs the key from the ignition, and tells her to stop stirring up needless drama by invoking Gary within hearing range of Miss Ellie. Lucy glares back at him and says she'll talk about who and what she wants whenever she wants...and turns the tables on him by telling him she saw him out for dinner with Kristin for what was clearly more than an innocent boss/secretary outing, and that if he wants her to keep her mouth shut about it, he's going to need to keep his mouth shut about how often she's "allowed" to talk about her own father. Hee!
Over at the condo, Alan reports to JR that the downturn of Cliff's campaign is right on schedule - but JR grumbles his annoyance that Cliff is still in the race. Alan tells him that while unwitting supporters are making actual donations, the bulk of Cliff's campaign funding is depleted...and after tonight's fundraiser he'll be officially broke.
The Barnes for Congress fundraiser is, for some reason, being held in a rollerskating rink. Lucy has decked herself out in a black halter necked pantsuit, and is rollerskating with her friend Muriel and cackling about how awesome her new boyfriend Alan is...and that she's somehow under the illusion that he loves her for her, not her family's influence and money. Poor stupid Lucy.
Alan summons a blonde escort named Serena to his apartment, then hands her an envelop containing financial reports about Cliff's campaign and instructs her to personally deliver it to JR at his Ewing Oil office. When she complains that being a messenger isn't exactly her thing, he gives her a huge tip, a knowing wink, and tells her to make sure that JR gets everything he wants. She chuckles and looks jazzed by the prospect of a cash-for-sex transaction.
Serena arrives at Ewing Oil and announces to Connie and Kristin that she has a package for JR, and that he's expecting her. When Kristin tries to physically restrain her from going anywhere near JR's office, she haughtily says that Alan Beam personally sent her to deliver the all-important package. JR pops out of his office to see whassup with all the commotion, gives Serena an appreciative once over, and invites her in for a closed door session after telling a fuming Kristin to hold his calls.
JR and Serena emerge from his office looking flushed and smiley...and JR looks surprised to see Kristin still sitting at her desk, glaring angrily into space. He tells her he's heading out with Serena, then casually chirps, "See you in the morning!" LOL. An enraged Kristin calls Cliff's campaign office and demands to talk to Alan, and the volunteer answering phones tells her he's at the Barnes for Congress fundraiser...which someone on the campaign decided would be hilarious to host in a local roller rink.
Cliff arrives at the fundraiser with Digger and looks pleased by the turnout. He briefly interrupts the rollerskating to introduce his father to the supporters, and thanks them for everything they're doing to help him get elected. A few seconds later, Kristin arrives at the rink, notices Lucy skating past Alan while openly winking at him, and offers to pay some extra who's holding a Polaroid for his camera so that she take some compromising snaps.
When two prospective contributors ask Alan how they can donate to Cliff's campaign, he shushes them and tells them to just focus on having a good time.
Lucy tells Muriel she's annoyed at Alan for ignoring her all evening and decides 'why not make a public spectacle of myself on rollerskates with the guy I'm covertly having sex with?' She skates over to where Alan is standing, deliberately bumps into him and stumbles onto the concrete...and when he helps her to her feet, she plants a big lingering smooch on his lips. Kristin's like, "Pay dirt!" and snaps a photo with her newly acquired Polaroid camera.
The next morning at Ewing Oil, Kristin shows JR the naughty photos she sneakily took of Alan and Lucy. JR looks them over and tells her to get Alan on the phone, pronto...and Kristin smiles smugly to herself as she sashays back to her desk to make the call.
Alan is in bed with his old flame Betty Lou...and as the two enjoy some post-coital canoodling in his bed, she tells him she's miffed that he's been spending so much time with Lucy lately. Alan says it's the way it has to be, and that eventually this scheme is going to have a payoff and make him a very rich man. A few seconds later, he gets a phone call summoning him to Ewing Oil.
Alan rushes over to JR's office and is shown the stack of Polaroids that Kristin took of him cavorting with Lucy at Cliff's rollerblading fundraiser. Alan looks startled and says, "It's not what you think" and mumbles about how he and Lucy just happened to run into each other and accidentally lock lips despite their freakish height differential. When JR wryly says he didn't just fall off the turnip truck, Alan switches tactics and declares that he looooves Lucy, wants to marry her, and insists he's not "for sale". JR manages to keep a straight face and replies, "I wouldn't dream of it" and says he's pleased, nay thrilled that Lucy has finally found herself a real man. He offers to set up Alan in his own law practice after the wedding, as long as he agrees to move to Chicago...then explains that Gary's only remaining tie to Dallas is Lucy, so if she moves across the country, he'd have to reason to ever show his face again at Southfork [except maybe to check in with Miss Ellie every now and again for a mother-son hug]. Alan mulls that over and says he's willing to warm up to the idea of moving to Chicago, and the two shake on it.
In bed, Bobby tries to canoodle Pam, but she gets all jumpy and inches away from him. He looks confused and asks whassup with the frigidness, so she tells him that for some unknown reason his touch is leaving her cold. Bobby scrunches his face in confusion, and he and his retracted penis dejectedly retreat to their side of the bed.
After another obligatory doink, Lucy tells Alan she should be getting home now, and starts putting her clothes back on. Alan says he hates all this sneaking around and suggests they get married - but Lucy stares back at him in shock and says she wasn't even thinking about the possibility of marriage and doesn't want to rush into anything serious. She suggests they talk more about this insane idea tomorrow, and he unhappily concurs.
Alan tells JR that Lucy didn't readily agree to marry him and worries that when Cliff's campaign completely falls off the rails, she'll find him less attractive. JR mulls that over for a few seconds and decides that since Lucy is a typical Ewing, it stands to reason that she'll automatically want what she can't have. He advises Alan to break things off with Lucy and hope to hell that her impulsive reaction will play right into their hands.
Serena calls Ewing Oil to get in touch with JR, but Kristin bitchily tells her he's not in, and to call back in about six weeks to never. Meow.
Kristin asks JR why he's done fuck all about Alan and Lucy hooking up, then says it's obvious he's just after Lucy for her money. JR waves a dismissive hand in the air and assures her he knows what he's doing.
Alan cancels all of the radio and TV spots and print coverage for Cliff's campaign and explains that he's run out of money. When Lucy drops by to have dinner, he shakes his head faux despondently and goes, "What's the point?" and tells her to go home. When she stares at him quizzically, he nonsensically says he can no longer stomach the idea of the two of them merely dating and that he loves her too much to not be married. Lucy's all, "Wha-a-a-a??" and stares at him in shocked bewilderment as he ushers her to the door, says goodbye, and gently shoves her out of his apartment.
When Lucy arrives home, JR announces that he had some photos delivered to his office today, then pulls out the Polaroids Kristin took and passes them around to Lucy, Jock, and Miss Ellie. JR tut tuts Lucy for getting involved with such a brazen opportunist, and Bobby concurs and tells Lucy she could do a whole lot better. JR snaps, "I forbid you from ever seeing him again", and Lucy's all, "Say wuh?" and counter-snaps that she'll see whoever she wants to see. She then tells the Ewing clan that Alan proposed to her, bitchily invites them all to her wedding, and storms out of the room. Jock's like, "Wedding..?" and wonders aloud if she was joking just now. JR sanctimoniously promises to straighten her out - but Miss Ellie and Jock warn him to stay out of it. JR agrees to mutely stand by and let Lucy get engaged out of spite...then grins evilly at the thought of ridding himself of Gary's spawn while pouring himself a drink.