Recap: JR drops by the clinic-mansion to get an update on Sue Ellen's detoxification. Dr. Rogers ushers him into his office and informs him that Sue Ellen still has the shakes from her recent booze withdrawal and that - no surprise - she's in a highly perturbed state about being forcibly confined to a rehab clinic-mansion. He says he can't release her anytime soon 'cause it's more than likely that she'll start drinking again, and JR concurs - but says he'd like to see her so he can report on her condition to his nosy family.  

Sue Ellen is sipping a glass of water in her room when JR suddenly appears in the doorway. He asks her how she's feeling, and she snarls at him for leaving her at the clinic-mansion to be treated like a caged animal, then hurls her drinking glass at him. JR hastily shuts the door to avoid being struck...and as the drinking glass shatters, Dr. Rogers locks the door and assures JR that his nutty wife is being well taken care of. Sue Ellen, meanwhile, clutches her pearls (like, literally clutches her pearl necklace) and stares tearfully into space.

Lucy and Miss Ellie return home after shopping for Lucy's prom dress...and Lucy excitedly tells Jock that her date for the evening is a socially acceptable young [hetero] man named Lawrence Templeton. Miss Ellie ambles over to Bobby and moans about how much she hates the idea of Sue Ellen being kept away from the family, but Bobby insists that right now the clinic-mansion is the best possible place for her. Miss Ellie wonders aloud what could possibly have caused the woman to become such a hopeless boozer. Gee, I dunno...could have everything to do with the callous, philandering douchebag she married so she could live a life of pampered leisure on a ranch, aka the most lucrative gold digging opportunity that was available in Texas circa 1975.

Cliff drops by the department store where Pam works and asks her why she's been avoiding him for the last few weeks, so she tells him she's tired of having to take sides in the tedious Barnes-Ewing feud the writers can't seem to fully let go of. She informs him that Sue Ellen has been forcibly confined to a clinic-mansion rehab 'cause of her out-of-control drinking, then accuses him of doinking her purely to get back at JR. Cliff admits that it, yep, their icky affair definitely started out that way - but that he ended things 'cause he didn't want Sue Ellen to lose her social standing as Mrs. JR Ewing. Pam argues that the real reason he broke things off was 'cause he was so worried about what the scandal would do to his budding political career, then snarks at him to stay away from Sue Ellen if he isn't prepared to offer her marriage, kids, a white picket fence, etc.

JR returns home and reports to Jock that Sue Ellen is "out of sorts", but that she appears to be improving from some much needed therapy...and Jock stares into space, looking like he half believes that obvious bullcack.

Miss Ellie drops by the clinic-mansion to visit Sue Ellen...and is spared having anything thrown at her dumb, placid face. Sue Ellen puts on the brightest, happiest faux smile she can muster and gushes about how awesome it is being in rehab - kind of like the vacation that JR never took her on after their honeymoon 'cause he's such a neglectful assbag of a husband. She pretends that the reason she's being confined is 'cause she was so exhausted from all the charity meetings she was attending - but Miss Ellie's like, "Cut the shit" and asks her if her marital problems caused her to start hitting the bottle so hard. Sue Ellen insists that she and JR are just fine, and that they're both looking forward to parenting Cliff's love child while passing him off as the Ewings' first grandson. Miss Ellie chides her for always worrying so much about pleasing her and Jock, then decides it's time she headed back to Southfork so she can lounge around and do her usual nothing alongside her grizzled husband. Sue Ellen gets annoyed when her door is promptly locked by the orderly, then buzzes the nurse and bitchily demands her medicine. The nurse tells her it's not medicine time yet, then fondles the pearls around Sue Ellen's neck and tells her, "There are other ways to keep calm...everything's available if you have the money to pay for it." Sue Ellen snaps at her to get out - but the unfazed nurse urges her to think about what she said. 

Last day of school! Lucy excitedly tells a friend that she somehow passed all of her classes and is eligible for graduation. After that, she runs into Anne and her drug dealer friend...and when they invite her to hang out and pop some pills, Lucy declines and smugly says she's sooo done with the pill addiction storyline. The drug dealer scoffs, "I've heard that one before", then dickishly says the next time she needs her fix, the cost will be double. Lucy chirps, "There won't be a next time", then climbs into her car and squeals off.

Sue Ellen is having a one-on-one therapy session with Dr. Rogers, telling him nonsense like what a successful marriage she and JR have...and denies ever being angry with JR whenever he stays away for long stretches on his "business trips". Dr. Rogers points out that she threw her drinking glass at him the other day and that she really should dig deep in order to uncover why she's been drinking so excessively. Sue Ellen angrily insists that her drinking has been blown out of proportion...then stops herself and says it's not very ladylike to express emotion in front of a stranger. Dr. Rogers refrains from pointing out that her image as a ladylike Texas socialite is a ship that has long sailed, and just tells her that they'll pick up this thread during their next session.

That evening, Jock initiates a fruitless father-son chat with JR. He asks his son whassup with the rift between him and Sue Ellen, and JR breezily assures him it's nothing he can't handle. Jock scrunches his face and says he's not so sure 'bout that, and remarks that Sue Ellen seemed marginally happy (if you don't count her affair with Cliff, and the time she tried to kaput her marriage by fleeing to her mother's) shortly before getting knocked up. JR tries to shift the conversation to the OLM, but Jock snaps, "To hell with the OLM!" and demands to know how JR plans to repair his marriage. JR says he put her into rehab, then whines, "What more do you waaaant?!" Jock credits him for being a good businessman, but orders him to put more effort into being a good husband and father once the baby arrives. JR unconvincingly retorts, "I surely will" - LOL - then beats a hasty retreat from the study, leaving Jock staring contemplatively into space.

JR arrives at the clinic-mansion for a second visit with Sue Ellen. She looks fake jovial and tells him she's totes fine now and eager to come home [so she can hit the booze stash in the Ewing study]. JR says he'll only allow it if Dr. Rogers gives him the green light, then points out that the only reason she's sober is 'cause she hasn't had access to alcohol. He pulls out a newspaper and shows her a photograph with Cliff and his date at a recent gala opening, snidely urging her to remember who she's married to and what's at stake. Sue Ellen accuses him of doctoring the photo, then screams at him to get out. After he leaves, she summons the nurse and removes her pearl necklace.

Sue Ellen is lounging on her bed after a drinking binge (courtesy of the corruptible nurse) when she's informed that Bobby Ewing has arrived for an impromptu visit. 

Bobby hands Sue Ellen a lovely bouquet of flowers, and she smiles at him and waxes on about how marvelous the clinic-mansion is. Bobby gives her a brief update on the family, and Sue Ellen says she's bummed she won't be able to attend Lucy's graduation. Bobby says she just needs to give the doctor time to help her get her head screwed on right...and this triggers a freak-out, during which she starts beating him with the bouquet. A couple of men in white coats quickly rush over, subdue her by grabbing her arms, and announce that they're forcibly taking her back to her room. Bobby snappishly orders them to take their hands off of her, and insists on being the one to escort her inside. 

Sue Ellen apologizes to Bobby for losing control, then complains that the clinic-mansion is little more than a prison. Bobby urges her to give it a chance...and she sarcastically retorts, "All I have in my life is taame." She moans about how hard it is to fill the days at Southfork now that she's a lazy married lady of leisure, then complains that JR always comes home "smelling of his sluts". Bobby blushes and tells her she's embarrassing him and implores her to have this conversation with JR. Sue Ellen stares into his eyes and laments not meeting him first, tells him he's kind and loving...then leans in close and gets all touchy-feely with his face. She natters about how much she loves JR - but that he doesn't love her back...and when he forbade her from adopting a baby in the Black Market Baby episode, she went out and got herself knocked up in order to hurt JR, who incidentally shows zero interest in ever wanting to doink her. She tears up and says the only people she hurt were herself, the hapless fetal alcohol poisoned child she's carrying, and the somewhat clueless baby daddy. Bobby contorts his face into an aghast expression, then grabs her by the arms and demands to know who the baby daddy is, and she admits that it's prolly Cliff Barnes. Bobby gasps, then stares at her in horror...and Sue Ellen hangs her head in shame and whimpers, "No one can help me now."

An enraged Bobby heads straight over to Cliff's apartment, punches him in the face, and says he knows all about his icky affair with Sue Ellen. He snarlingly accuses him of taking advantage of a vulnerable women who also, not coincidentally, could leak intel about JR and Ewing Oil. Cliff insists that at some point during the affair he fell in love with Sue Ellen, but Bobby just shoots him a disbelieving stink-eye. He warns him to keep his trap shut about possibly being Sue Ellen's baby daddy 'cause he doesn't want JR, Jock, or Miss Ellie to find out. Cliff sheepishly agrees, but then informs him that JR has been long clued in about the blechy affair.

Back at the clinic-mansion, the corruptible nurse supplies Sue Ellen with more booze, then bitches at her for being such a messy inmate. Sue Ellen implores her to leave her door unlocked so she can flee at the first available opportunity, but the nurse refuses. As she starts making the bed, Sue Ellen hits her on the head with a water pitcher, then grabs her purse and booze and flees. She finds a car parked near the entrance that has keys in the ignition (it always amazes me that people wander away from their cars with the keys in the ignition) and drives off. As she chugs from her booze bottle, she swerves to avoid hitting a car, but then crashes into a telephone pole.

At the hospital, Dr. Krane examines an injured Sue Ellen and announces that the baby is miraculously OK after the car crash - but that it needs to be delivered by Caesarean asap. She exits the exam room to tell JR and Bobby that Sue Ellen has some internal bleeding and if they don't deliver the baby now, they could both be lost. She also mentions that Sue Ellen had been drinking at the time of the accident...and JR and Bobby relay all of the shocking news to the rest of the family that's camped out in the waiting room.

As Sue Ellen is being prepped in the operating room, the surgeon remarks that Sue Ellen's drinking has "doubled our trouble", and that they only have a window of two minutes to deliver her preemie.

Bobby asks Pam if she knew that Cliff was doinking Sue Ellen, and she admits she did...but then shows no signs of knowing that he might be the baby daddy. Bobby tells her he paid a visit to Cliff and punched him 'cause he was so miffed at him for taking advantage of Sue Ellen.

Cliff turns on the TV and sees news coverage about Sue Ellen's car accident and subsequent hospitalization. Must have been a slow news day in Dallas. He looks alarmed and rushes out.

A nurse informs JR he now has a son, and that he's currently on display through the glass window in the neonatal unit. Dr. Krane tells him that Sue Ellen is stable, but that the baby will be touch-and-go for a few days. Pam spots Cliff in the hall, discreetly extricates herself from the Ewings, and demands to know what he's doing here. He replies, "I want to see my son!" and Pam stares at him in shocked horror before accompanying him to the neonatal unit. Cliff stares tearfully at the incubated baby and decrees that the tot, assuming he survives his fetal alcohol poisoning, is going to be raised a Barnes. (Nope.)

A somber JR and Bobby are sitting by Sue Ellen's bedside. JR wonders aloud why their marriage degenerated into such a hate-filled cesspool, then reminisces about how much he loved her for the first five minutes after they got married. He stares at her and tearfully remarks on how beautiful she is, and that she's got to live, damn it!

Recap: Sue Ellen arrives at her doctor's office in a wood paneled station wagon, which I thought was a surprisingly frumpy car for the wife of JR Ewing to be driving. She parks, pulls out a flask and takes a few sips, then goes inside to see how far along her hapless spawn's fetal alcohol syndrome has progressed.

Lucy is at the department store where Pam works, looking over necklaces in the jewelry department. She buys the most expensive one she can find and charges it to the Ewing account. Pam spots her and rushes over, assumes she's here for their previously arranged appointment to try on prom dresses, and tells her she put aside the prettiest ones for her to peruse. Lucy stares at her with a spaced-out expression for a few seconds, then says she forgot all about the prom dresses and just stopped by to buy her friend a birthday present. She then rushes out of the store, leaving Pam staring after her in puzzlement.

Dr. Krane tells Sue Ellen that everything's fine...and by everything's fine, she means she needs to cut down on her binge-drinking asap. She tells her that her tests revealed high levels of alcohol in her bloodstream - not that it isn't obvious to anyone with half a brain that she staggered in here drunk. Sue Ellen says she has no right to lecture her, and an incredulous Dr. Krane points out to the nitwit that her health and that of her spawn are her responsibility. Sue Ellen haughtily retorts that she merely had one cocktail at lunch...and that if she continues to give her a hard time about her incessant drinking, she's going to shop around for "a more understanding doctor".  

Lucy enters a pawn shop to sell the necklace she just bought and is offered a measly $50 for it. She hems and haws but eventually agrees to the price, then rushes off to meet up with her drug dealer, who hands her a fresh supply of pills and a soda to wash them down with. He invites her to attend a party at (their friend) Anne's house later, and Lucy says she's totes up for that.  

Pam stops by Ewing Oil to touch base with Bobby before the two head home. He tells her he read the new OLM guidelines, then grumbles about how they're even stricter than last year's. In short, nothing in Texas gets built without Cliff's approval. Pam makes a whaddya gonna do? expression and says that while she loves her brother, sometimes she doesn't like him...and isn't quite ready to return his phone calls. She swiftly changes the subject and asks him if he's noticed anything strange about Lucy, and he just shrugs and says she's mostly been quiet ever since getting the heave-ho from her closeted gay fiance. The two then have to put a pin in that discussion when Sue Ellen staggers in and says she's here to meet JR, 'cause apparently they're putting on a facade of marital unity while attending a fundraising dinner. Once Pam and Bobby exit the office, Sue Ellen makes a beeline over to JR's booze cabinet and pours herself a stiff drink.

JR is in a meeting with a senator and some other white guy, and the three are bitching about how much they hate the new OLM guidelines. The senator invites JR to join them and another senator for drinks so they can continue bitching about the OLM...and JR checks his watch, stares contemplatively into space for a few seconds, then decides to blow off plans to attend the fundraising dinner with Sue Ellen without bothering to tell her.   

Sue Ellen, meanwhile, continues to throw back the booze while waiting for JR to show up. She drunk dials Cliff and asks him if she can come over, but he says no 'cause he's currently canoodling with a woman...then adds that he'd have no problem rebuffing her even if he were home alone. 

Ray is in his ranch hand hovel, polishing his boots when a blitzed Lucy drops by and touchily-feely invites him to get it on with her. He pushes her away and snappishly says he's not in the mood for her games, then asks her if she's been drinking. She gigglingly says no...and when he asks her what she's on, she coos, "It's soooo wonderful" and starts unbuttoning his shirt, as if we didn't get enough of the yokel's naked pecs in the previous episode after he hit the sheets with Donna. The horruh. Ray reminds Lucy that they made a deal to just be friends, not least 'cause at some point in the series he turns out to be her $#@&% uncle, then goes over to his kitchenette to put on a pot of coffee so she can sober herself up.

Sue Ellen wisely decides she's too drunk to continue driving, so she pulls over to the side of the road and promptly passes out.

Ray pours Lucy a cup of coffee...and when she snarks that she doesn't want it, he looms over her and asks her if she wants her grandparents to get wind of her pill popping. She wails, "I don't care! No one notices me anyway!" and a fed up Ray shoves the mug in her face and forces coffee down her throat, snapping at her to shape up.

Bobby spots Sue Ellen's car on the side of the road, and both he and Pam pull over to check it out. When they find Sue Ellen passed out in the driver's seat, Bobby picks her up and transports her to his car and tells Pam he'll send a ranch hand to collect her car in the morning. ​When they arrive at Southfork, they discreetly bring her upstairs and deposit her atop her bed. Bobby then decides, "Enough is enough" and says he's going to confront Jock and Miss Ellie about tonight's bender. Pam, meanwhile, sits by Sue Ellen's bedside...and when she regains consciousness, she tears up and whimpers about how Cliff won't talk to her anymore, then says she's pretty sure he was with a woman tonight. Pam clucks sympathetically, then urges her to shut it about her ex-lover and get some rest.

Bobby contorts his default blank expression into one of grave concern as enters the study and gives his parents the what-for for pretending that everything is A-OK with Sue Ellen...and uselessly looking the other way while she continues to poison their unborn grandchild with her binge-drinking. He explains that this evening she had spent hours boozing it up in JR's office while waiting for him to show up...and eventually gave up waiting, got behind the wheel, and was found by him and Pam passed out in her car. JR enters the study and asks whassup...and when he's informed about Sue Ellen's drunken incident, he gets defensive, says his meeting ran late, and that it's not his fault his wife is a hopeless boozer. Miss Ellie abruptly clears the room so she can have a stern-faced mother-son chat. She chides him for being a power hungry douche (like Jock) when it comes to business, but having no redeeming qualities (unlike Jock) in his personal life...and that he's neglected Sue Ellen since day one of their marriage and doesn't even bother to be discreet about his serial womanizing. She warns him that his baby is in danger from her constant drinking and that he urgently needs to do something - but JR snaps, "It's too late!" and stalks out of the room. Miss Ellie tears up and whimpers to herself about the lousy parenting skills she exercised during JR's formative years, which...no fucking duh. It's interesting she's not the slightest self-reflective about the shit job she also did raising Lucy after the family cruelly ripped her away from Gary and Val.

Ray tells Lucy he's going to fetch Bobby so he can help get her into the main house without her grandparents noticing how stoned she is. After he leaves, Lucy giggles to herself as she sneaks out of his hovel and heads off to Anne's party. 

When Ray returns to his hovel with Bobby, he's dismayed that Lucy has disappeared...even though anyone with an ounce of foresight could have seen that coming. Ray thinks she might be at Anne's house, so the two climb into his truck and speed off. They arrive at Anne's house, notice that there's a party in full swing, and find Lucy canoodling with a boy. Bobby yanks her by the arm and tells her it's time to go home...then tells Anne that he plans on tattling to her parents about the party. Bobby then grabs Lucy's purse, finds a little bag of pills inside, and asks her how long she's been taking them. When she just giggles in response, Bobby stuffs her into the passenger seat of her car and ferries her back to Southfork.

When they pull up to the house, Bobby instructs Lucy to act as normal as possible in front of her grandparents and hope to hell they don't clue in to her pill popping. He then tosses her car keys at Ray and decrees that she's no longer allowed to drive her car without their permission. Bobby fibs to Miss Ellie by telling her that Lucy got a flat tire...and Lucy nods and does her best to not appear spacey. After she heads up to bed, Miss Ellie remarks to Bobby how ghastly Lucy looked, and Bobby breezily says she's been going through a rough patch lately and will hopefully get over it before the end credits start rolling.

At daybreak, JR thrusts open the curtains of his bedroom, smashes one of Sue Ellen's booze bottles on the floor, and admonishes her for embarrassing him in front of his family with last night's bender. Sue Ellen snaps back that it's his fault for keeping her waiting at his office [which, unfortunately, was equipped with a fully stocked bar] ... and when he whines that he was at a business meeting, she snarls, "Which was more important than me!" JR sheepishly promises it won't happen again, and Sue Ellen chuckles and says he must have gotten a tongue lashing from Jock for his negligence. She taunts him by chirping, "'Til death do us part" and he snaps back that he has no intention of putting up with a drunk wife, and orders her to dry out and transform herself into "an admirable wife and mother". Sue Ellen lets out a caustic laugh and asks what reward she'll get from him, then asks, "A good father..?" and JR snidely retorts, "Not for that bastard you're carrying, you won't." Yeesh. After he storms out of the room, Sue Ellen gets out of bed and staggers over to the closet, pulls out a hidden bottle of booze in a shoe box, and takes a big swig.

Pam tells Bobby she's worried about leaving Lucy and Sue Ellen in the house alone - but Bobby brushes off her concerns 'cause what could go wrong with leaving a pregnant alcoholic and her dimwitted pill-popping niece to their own devices?

Lucy is high on pills again, giggling as she plays with backgammon pieces. When she gets bored and staggers out of the study, she sees a drunk Sue Ellen teetering at the top of the staircase clutching a suitcase and staring down at her with her cold, bloodshot eyes. She suddenly collapses and topples down the flight of stairs, and a giggling Lucy hovers over her uselessly. Ray happens to enter the house at that moment, rebuffs Lucy's ill-timed attempts to smooch him, and calls an ambulance.

Ray calls Bobby at Ewing Oil to report Sue Ellen's accident, then shares the doctor's optimism that both she and the baby are going to be A-OK...aside from the deteriorating fetal alcohol syndrome situation that no one in the Ewing family seems interested in doing fuck all about. He adds that Lucy popped a bunch of pills again and was stoned out of her mind when Sue Ellen fell down the stairs...and Bobby's all, "Fuuuuuuuuck.." and rushes over to JR's office to give him the troubling update about his wife.

At the hospital, Dr. Krane tells JR that, according to tests, Sue Ellen is fine - but that she wants to keep her in the hospital for observation. She adds that if Sue Ellen continues to booze it up, she'll continue to put the health of her baby in serious jeopardy and strongly recommends she be put into rehab, like pronto. JR replies, "Ewings take care of their own", and Dr. Krane rolls her eyes 'cause of how well that's been working out...and when Jock and Miss Ellie arrive, she also gives them a quick update. Jock pulls JR aside and gruffly tells him he's going to need to face up to his responsibilities as a husband and father...and since it appears as though that reality hasn't penetrated his skull yet, he's going to see to it that he straightens out so his grandson has a father he can be proud of. 

Bobby confronts Lucy in the study and solemnly tells her that Sue Ellen could have died during the fall. He asks her if she really wants to go through life doped up on pills, and she bursts into tears and says she's mortified that she was too stoned to help Sue Ellen while she was laying helplessly on the floor. Bobby orders her to stop popping pills, and says that coping with emotional pain is part of life. Lucy tearfully promises to try, and the two hug it out.

Sue Ellen chuckles as she blames her high heels for the fall...and Jock and Miss Ellie smile blandly and pretend that, yep, that's the most plausible explanation for her accident. JR announces that he's putting her in a rehab clinic in Ft. Worth, and Sue Ellen poutishly replies, "But there's nothing wrong with me" and everyone in the room exchanges seriously? glances.   

JR drives Sue Ellen to the clinic, which looks to be a large mansion. She begs him not to leave her here - but he says he has to, not least 'cause when she's drunk he can't trust her to keep her pie hole shut about the baby likely being Cliff's love spawn. Two men in white coats rush over - LOL - and forcibly drag Sue Ellen towards the entrance of the clinic-mansion. She shrieks in protest, then shouts in JR's direction, "I'll get back at you someday!!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

Recap: JR tries to get a call through to Papa Mainwaring, but has no luck getting him on the phone...and Miss Ellie overhears and asks him why he's bothering, since clearly the man wants as little to do with the Ewings as possible. JR points out that their families could still do business together despite Lucy's "dumping" of Kit...and the two head over to the dining room, where a visibly depressed Lucy is staring dejectedly into space. She irritably tells JR he'll be just fine if he doesn't do business with the Mainwarings, and Miss Ellie sternly tells JR now that the subplot involving the Mainwarings and their closeted gay son is over, there will be no further talk of that family. Bobby offers to drive Lucy to school, so the two walk outside together and encounter a giant box in the driveway. Bobby tells Lucy to close her eyes so he can pull apart the box and reveal - ta da! - a red sports car! Bobby jokingly says it's getting to be too much of a pain to drive her to school in the mornings and that he thinks she's mature enough to have a car of her own. Lucy bounds into the driver's seat and slowly pulls out of the driveway.

JR and Jock arrive at Ewing Oil and go straight into a meeting with Bud Morgan, who I'll assume is one of their project managers. Bud is complaining that the Office of Land Management (OLM) has stopped his crew's test drilling, to which Jock grunts, "How in the heck could they do that?" JR says it's not they, it's Cliff Barnes...and that Cliff claims that the OLM needs more time to study an environmental report. He says it's clear that the OLM is dragging its feet on this report strictly out of dickishness, then reluctantly orders Bud to let his crew go until they can resolve the issue. After Bud leaves, JR tells Jock they're going to have to get rid of Cliff and/or somehow take the power away from the OLM. Jock suggests they get in touch with his old pal Sam Culver, an ex-governor and ex-speaker of the house. He then offers to make the call 'cause apparently Sam owes him a favor.

Ray arrives at the house and tells Bobby he saw Lucy driving very slowly in her new sports car. Bobby says he hopes that the gift will ease her heartbreak over Kit, to which Ray whines that no one bought him anything when his affair with Garnet McGee took a nasty turn after she started hitting the sheets with JR. Bobby points out that Jock gave him the deed to a plot of land on the Southfork property so he could build a house...and refrains from reminding him that he's a grown ass man and shouldn't expect gifts whenever things with his fuckees go awry. Ray stares despondently into space and says he's not ready to think about building a house yet.
​
Inside the stereotypical Longhorn bar, Texans decked out in plaid shirts, jeans, and cowboy hats are do-si-do-ing and drinking beer. The camera pans over to a table of strangers we've never seen before, and the womenfolk are complaining about the wretched hillbilly music and that they'd much prefer being at the disco. One of the women, a blonde named Donna Culver, says she digs all things hillbilly and wants to stay...and Ray, who's sitting at the nearby bar, overhears this madness and looks intrigued. One of the men sitting at the table strongly urges Donna to leave with the group, but she gets irked and snaps at him to leave her alone. Ray interjects himself and tells him to leave her be, then assures him that the Longhorn is a respectable place and that she'll be fine. The man glances around, fearful of the yokelly cowboys who have suddenly gathered around and look ready to rumble over something that has absolutely nothing to do with them, and agrees to leave. Donna thanks Ray for coming to her rescue and accepts his offer to buy her a drink. Ray's all, "Squeal!" 'cause this is the most action he's seen in eleven episodes, and excitedly motions for the bartender to bring over some drinks. 

Later, Ray and Donna are sitting together at a table, talking. He natters about how special Southfork is, and proudly tells her he was given a plot of land on the ranch so he could build a house, raise horses, and never truly have a life of his own. Donna asks why he hasn't built his house yet...and he gets all red-faced and says he almost had a girlfriend once, but that things didn't work out when he found out she was a shameless cheater. Donna's cab arrives...and as the two say goodnight, they arrange to meet up at the Longhorn tomorrow night. As she sashays out of the bar, Ray stares after her longingly.

JR and Jock meet up with Sam Culver for lunch in a fancy restaurant. Sam tells them he heard that "Digger's Boy" is giving them trouble, and Jock nods and says he's been using his position at the OLM to constantly needle Ewing Oil. He and JR wank Sam about how powerful in Texas he is, then complain that the OLM is wreaking havoc with their business. JR warns that if the OLM isn't forced to back off, they're going to have to get their oil "from the A-rabs", and Sam gasps [at the derogatory pronunciation of Arabs and/or the idea of looking outside Texas for a steady oil supply] and replies, "You're pretty direct." Jock pleads with Sam to do his best to rein in the OLM...and somehow the conversation segue ways into Sam's recent marriage to a woman more than half his age, and an invitation for the two of them to come to Southfork for dinner on Saturday night. Sam announces that his young wife will be meeting him here any second 'cause they have plans to go shopping together...and a few seconds later, he glances toward the entrance of the restaurant and happily announces that she's arrived. The blonde woman, who remains hidden behind the waiter as she strides over the table, reveals herself a few seconds later to be - gasp! - Donna Culver. 

That evening, JR enters the study and finds Sue Ellen sitting in a chair and broodily drinking. He warns her that if she continues to drink like this while pregnant, he's going to evict her onto a trash heap...but she just chuckles and asks if she's embarrassing him - and if so, he should feel free to seek comfort elsewhere. JR's like, "Whatever" and tells her he finally found a way to put a stop to Cliff's abuse of OLM power, then urges her to stay away from the dining room so the family can eat without having to look at her drunken, glazed over expression. 

Donna arrives at the Longhorn and tells Ray she debated whether or not to come. Ray stares at her all smitten-like in a borderline creepy way, orders a couple of drinks, and gushes about what a mysterious woman she is. She gives him a brief bio: she's twenty-eight, was born in Marshall TX, and has no idea what she's doing having drinks with an over-eager dork in a hillbilly bar. She softens and says she likes that he didn't try to hit on her last night, then asks him what he's looking for. He shrugs and somehow refrains from desperately crying out, "For someone...anyone to love meeeeee!!" and instead replies, "Just a happy ending." He tells her it all starts with finding someone you could be happy with, and stares longingly into her eyes...and Donna cryptically mutters, "Things always change" and that she just wants to have a fun evening. Ray says he could definitely get on board with that, then raises his beer mug and toasts, "To fun!"

On the breakfast patio at Southfork the next morning, Miss Ellie asks Jock if Sam's new wife is pretty...and Jock snorts derisively and says the old goat hooked up with a woman who's way too young. He assures her he's not jealous, and that a young woman like that couldn't possibly hold a candle to "a real woman" like her, and Miss Ellie lights up at the blatant wankery and gives him a happy kiss. Pam and Bobby bound onto the patio wearing matching tennis outfits and announce that they're off to the club...and a few seconds later, Sue Ellen staggers outside and stares vacantly into space while sipping from her breakfast Bloody Mary. Jock and Miss Ellie scrunch their faces concernedly in lieu of actually doing anything to help their troubled daughter-in-law as she continues developing a fetal alcohol syndrome situation for her hapless unborn spawn. Ray arrives and tells Jock he's ready to start stocking his land section with cattle, then blushingly says he met a purdy lady...and on the basis of chatting with the woman over drinks two nights in a row, he's decided that things are looking up on the romance front. Pam gushes, "That's great!" and says she and Bobby would love to meet her. Ray likes the sound of that and invites the two to join him and Donna at the Longhorn bar on Monday night.
​
At Southfork on Saturday night, Sam and Donna are over for dinner...and Sam regales the group with tiresome stories from the old days. Ho hum. Bobby reminds Donna that they briefly went to high school together, and Donna gives him a summary of how she hooked up with Sam. JR tries to steer the conversation to business matters, but Sam ignores the cue and lays it on thick about how marrying Donna gave him "a younger slant on things" and that she has such a useful point of view. JR gently points out that she probably isn't as well versed as him in the oil business, but Sam just shrugs and says, regardless, he depends heavily on her judgement on account of how much he treasures her. He tells JR he hasn't decided whether or not to lean on Cliff's stalling practices within the OLM, but is waiting for an opinion to magically penetrate its way into his brain. 

Later, JR compliments Sue Ellen for being so well behaved during dinner, and she explains that she was too busy thinking to do much talking. JR snidely asks, "About your next drink?" so Sue Ellen explains that she couldn't stop thinking about Donna, a young woman who's resigned herself in marriage to an old goat - but yet still has a far better marriage than they do. JR rolls his eyes and says he doubts the two ever hit the sack [yeesh, visual alert], but Sue Ellen insists that even if that's true, the marriage is still miles better than theirs. True enough - though it's a pretty low bar to measure any other marriage against. She says that Sam is a man who cares about his wife, takes her advice and listens...and JR suddenly realizes that if he wants Sam's decision about the OLM to go his way, he's going to have to win over the wife. Well d'yuh, genius. 

Lucy and a small group of gal pals are lounging by the Southfork pool. The gals urge Lucy to start getting out again and to stop being such a downer, then point out that there are men other than her closeted gay ex-fiance she could hook up with. One of the girls pulls out a bottle of pills, hands a pill to Lucy, and promises that it'll improve her mood...and if I'm not mistaken, this is the start of a 'drug addiction that's destined to quickly spiral out of control' subplot. 

Bobby and Pam arrive at the Longhorn to double date with Ray and his lady...but when they enter the bar and glance across the room, they notice that Ray's new girlfriend is none other than Donna Culver. Pam's like, "OMG!" and Bobby hustles her out of there before Ray can see them. As they hurry to their car, Bobby says he can only assume that Ray has no idea she's married. 

Sue Ellen is drunkenly hosting a Daughters of the Alamo meeting at Southfork. One of the committee members pulls Miss Ellie aside and tells her that everyone has been noticing that Sue Ellen hasn't been herself lately (translation: she's a hopeless lush), and would like her to resign until she's "feeling better". Miss Ellie concurs and says she'll handle it. Sue Ellen, meanwhile, has propped herself up against the side of the house, boozing it up in a not-so-subtle fashion.

JR overhears Pam and Bobby talking in hushed tones about the Ray and Donna situation and looks intrigued.

Bobby arranges to meet up with Donna at a restaurant and asks her point blank why she's seeing Ray, then adds that he's a friend. Donna hangs her head shamefully and says that Ray has no idea she's married and snarks at Bobby for sticking his nose in their bidness. Bobby tells her that the clusterfuck with Garnet McGee nearly broke him in half, and that he doesn't deserve to have his tender heart broken a second time. Donna tells him she didn't intend on dating Ray ('cause duh), but now that they've chatted over drinks two nights in a row, she's starting to care for him. Bobby tells her to make up her mind - a) stay in her gold digging marriage with Sam, or b) give up the financial perks of being Mrs. Culver and start slumming it with Ray on his plot of land - 'cause she can't have it both ways. Donna stares contemplatively into space and nods, then says that Sam Culver is the best man she knows, but that she always knew she wasn't actually in love with them when they married. She says she fully grasps that someone is about to get hurt, but doesn't think she can prevent that from happening. 

As the Daughters of the Alamo meeting wraps up and the committee members start heading to their cars, Miss Ellie announces that Sue Ellen had such a rough day that she should probably resign as committee chair asap. Sue Ellen pretends she was just about to suggest that herself...and the committee ladies look thrilled at being rid of the lush and high-five each other. LOL.

Ray hits the sack with Donna at the Starlight Motel - ew - and we get to endure the spectacle of him lounging around bare-chested. Post-doink, Ray suggests that the two of them go away together so they can get to know each other, then solemnly adds, "It's getting serious on my end." JR, meanwhile, is parked across the street from the motel, gleefully spying on the lovers.

The next day, JR stakes out the Culver house, a ginormous brick house, and waits until Donna gets into her car and drives off. He follows her downtown...then pretends to accidentally bump into her on the street. After some initial chit-chat, he remarks on the vast age difference between her and Sam...then snidely adds that no doubt there are lots of advantages for her being in a marriage like this. Donna rolls her eyes and tells him she's heard this all before and assumes he's hitting on her. When he replies, with a straight face, "No, I'm a married man. I believe in the sanctity of marriage", she asks why he's hassling her then. He tells her he just happened to spot Ray's truck barreling down the street last night and thought something might be wrong so he followed him to the Starlight Motel...and was curious enough to hang around and see who he was doinking. He fake laments the idea of Ray getting his heart broken again, then wonders aloud why Ray would allow himself to fool around with a married woman. Donna calls JR out on expecting a favor in exchange for keeping her affair with Ray a secret, and JR promises to keep the scandal on the down-low if she instructs her husband to do everything he can to take the power away from the OLM, aka Cliff Barnes. 

Lucy's gal pals are urging her to attend a party and promise that boys are expected to be in attendance. The pill pusher from earlier gives her another dose of whatever she's peddling...and Lucy takes the pill, immediately perks up, and announces that she's totes down for a party.

Ray gets a call from Donna, and the two make arrangements to meet up in a remote location.

Jock tells JR that Ray is looking to stock up his land section with cattle...and JR feigns cluelessness about what's currently going on in Ray's life and goes, "Really?" then tells his daddy he expects to hear from Sam shortly, and that he's confident the conversation will go really well.

Ray kisses Donna hello, and she finally comes clean about her marriage to a much older man - who, incidentally, she just told she's leaving. She says that Sam was very kind about getting the dumperoo and wished her well. She tells Ray she's leaving Dallas to think about whether or not she's ready to make any kind of commitment to a yokelly ranch hand such as himself, and Ray implores her to stay and says they can work this out together. She assures him she won't be gone forever and may well be into the idea of re-hooking up if he's still interested. Ray gives her a smooch and says, "I'll be here" ... 'cause, well, duh ... where the hell else is he gonna go?

The next morning, JR gets a call from Sam Culver, who tells him he had a long talk with his soon-to-be ex-wife, whose strong opinion it is that OLM is doing an excellent job tormenting the shit out of Ewing Oil. JR is shocked and suggests a face-to-face meeting, but Sam declines and abruptly hangs up, leaving JR to sheepishly admit to Jock that the OLM is still on their backs. A few seconds later, Ray shows up at the house and tells Bobby he's now interested in looking at floor plans. He says that things with Donna didn't quite work out as he hoped, but that he's pretty sure he could care for someone again. He grins stupidly and pronounces, "It's a damn fine feeling."

During the double date dinner, Lucy tells JR and Sue Ellen that Kit yearns to be a writer, and Kit hastily clarifies that writing is more of a hobby 'cause working in the family's oil business keeps him in touch with the real world. As he blathers to JR about the Mainwaring empire, Lucy poutishly chides him and JR for talking business during their dinner date. JR calls for the check and urges Lucy and Kit to go out and have a marvelous time...and as he and Sue Ellen exit the restaurant, she wryly tells him he can cut the shit with 'the nice guy routine' now. LOL. 

Kit is working in his office when his stern-faced father enters. He shows Kit the invitation he just received for the upcoming Ewing barbecue and compliments him for giving up his former life of boozing, gambling, and gay carousing...and giving everyone the strong impression that he may settle down in a traditional hetero marriage with a woman of his station. Kit tells him not to make too much of all the time he's been spending with Lucy, 'cause at most he only thinks of her as a girlfriend-beard. Papa Mainwaring admits his intense dislike for the Ewings - JR in particular - but says he's willing to overlook their shittiness if he (Kit) is willing to help forge an alliance between their families. Kit mulls that over as he stares contemplatively into space. 

Ewing barbecue! Lucy looks deliriously happy as she dances with Kit, while Pam notices Sue Ellen drunkenly stumbling around the patio...and steers her into the house so she won't freak out the guests.

As Lucy gushes to Ray about how in looooove with Kit she is, Bobby discreetly explains to Kit that Ray and Lucy have a special bond on account of all the [inappropriate and what we later learn was incestuous] attention he paid to her when no one else in the family could be bothered to give her the time of day. He tells Kit that if he marries Lucy he couldn’t ask for a nicer nephew in-law - but adds that if he or his penis are not fully up to the task, he should end this sham of an engagement before it goes any further. Kit mulls over that sage advice and promises to take it under consideration. A few seconds later, Mama and Papa Mainwaring arrive at the barbecue, and Kit and Lucy scamper over to say hello. The Mainwarings gush about how lovely Lucy is, and Papa Mainwaring politely asks her to dance. Mama Mainwaring makes clear to Kit how delighted she and his father would be if he married the dwarfish Ewing, and Kit starts to look visibly conflicted. Run, Kit! Runnnnn!

JR sidles up to Papa Mainwaring and invites him to play racquetball with him at the club sometime, but Papa Mainwaring says he's putting the brakes on any male bonding attempts until Lucy and Kit officially seal the deal. Cue Lucy, who suddenly shrieks, “YESSSS! I love you!!” then screechily informs the partygoers that Kit just had a major brain-fart and proposed marriage to her - and that she's so clueless about his sexual preference for dudes that she said YESSSS! Everyone’s all, "Awww!” and clumps around her and Kit in a really awkward looking group hug as the scene fades out for a commercial break.

A few days later, the Ewings are looking over the engagement announcement in the newspaper. Sue Ellen says it’s been awhile since there was a wedding at Southfork, then estimates that they'll probably invite around three hundred people to the ranch to celebrate her nuptials. Lucy says she'd much prefer a small wedding and wants her parents to be present...and after a lot of awkward glances around the table, Miss Ellie offers to check in with the writers of the forthcoming Knot's Landing to see if they'd be up for some spin-off crossover. JR offers to give Lucy a ride downtown, then tosses his car keys at her and says he's thinking about buying her a car as a graduation present. A bewildered but excited Lucy climbs into the driver’s seat. 

A gaggle of old white cronies are in JR's office, complaining about how the Mainwarings have launched an environmental impact study with the OLM, which Cliff is happily supporting. JR tells them that the Mainwarings are building a new oil refinery on the Gulf...and the cronies acknowledge that they're going to need an in with the Ewings' new in-laws. 

Lucy and Kit are out dancing again, and Lucy is decked out in a glittery top and tight pants. During a drink break, they run into Kit's college roommate - a delicate featured young man named Sam, who stares wistfully at Kit as he awkwardly congratulates them on their engagement. Lucy ignores that giant red flag and accompanies Kit to his luxury apartment, where Kit announces that he's finally braced himself to hit the sheets with her.

As Lucy enjoys some post-coital afterglow, she compliments Kit's expert lovemaking...and concurs with him that she feels as though she just conquered the world. She ruefully admits to being a rich spoiled brat who never cared about anyone, but says she definitely loves him 'cause of how much he loves and respects her. Kit's like, "Uh huh, whatever", gives her a smooch, and says he'd better take her home asap. 

Kit drops by Ewing Oil to have a heart-to-heart with Bobby. He tells Bobby he's going to have to call off the wedding, but doesn't know how to break the news to Lucy. When Bobby scrunches his face confusedly and asks whassup with his sudden change of heart, Kit blurts out, "I'm a homosexual, Bobby!" and Bobby just stares back at him with his default blank expression looking blanker than usual. Kit says he didn't mean to lead Lucy on...but somehow, despite his preference for men, he fell in love with her and took her to bed last night. As anyone could predict, a dose of hetero sex with Lucy didn't really take, and he glumly declares, "I'm still a homosexual." Bobby looks aghast and says there's no getting around the fact that this news is going to be devastating to Lucy, and Kit says he knows he's going to have to bite the bullet and tell her.

Lucy is excitedly looking over all the wedding gifts that wedding guests have been sending to Southfork. Sue Ellen enters the room with two of her society lady friends, then announces that the three of them are going to lunch.

JR and Papa Mainwaring are in a meeting at Ewing Oil, discussing JR's desire to benefit from the new oil refinery. Bobby joins the meeting just as JR waxes on about how the Ewings and Mainwarings are practically family, and Papa Mainwaring solemnly concurs, "Family counts for everything" before heading out. Subtle, writers. Bobby scrunches his face concernedly and tells JR that if Lucy's and Kit's future marriage is the only thing holding the deal together, then it probably isn't going to happen. He says that Kit just told him he plans on canceling the wedding - but JR's like, "Uh, not" and insists that Kit is marrying Lucy no matter what. Bobby's like, "Nuh uh" and says it would be better for all concerned if Kit were to quickly disappear, never to be seen on Dallas again - but JR shrugs and says, "Women marry homosexuals all the time." When Bobby's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", JR explains that Kit made his gaydar go off like a car alarm during a thunder storm...and Bobby shakes his head with disgust and tells him he's reached a new low, and that it is impossible for the wedding to proceed. 

Kit calls Lucy to invite her over to dinner later...and she cluelessly gushes about how much she looooves him. A few minutes later, JR drops by Kit's apartment and urges him to avoid doing anything rash, and assures him that Lucy can keep him on the straight and narrow, pun intended. When Kit stares at him in surprise, JR says he's known for some time that he's a homosexual - but because he's so desperate to cozy up to his well connected daddy, he needs him to marry Lucy and live a tortured life as a closeted gay man.

Lucy arrives at Kit's apartment for dinner and gabbles at him about wanting to go to college and hold off on having kids. A tortured Kit blurts out, "I can't marry you!" and Lucy's all, "Wha-a-a?" and poutishly says she thought he loved her. He assures her he does (sort of) then tells her that the college roommate they ran into the other night, Sam, was a whole lot more than just his roommate...which anyone with half a brain could have detected. He declares, "I'm a homosexual!" ... and once Lucy gets over the immediate discombobulation of that reveal, she insists she can learn to live with being a wife-beard. Kit's like, "Er, really..?" and asks her if she can truly learn to live with him doinking Sam or any other gay lovers he may become attracted to...and she sadly shakes her head and starts sobbing. Kit tells her he learned a lot about himself while dating her and feels terrible about breaking her heart. He then laments how pissed off JR is going to be about him cancelling the wedding - but Lucy assures him that she'll prevent any kind of scandal. She gives him a kiss and asks him if they can still see each other, and and he says he'd be fine with it "once it stops hurting". Lucy dissolves into a startlingly ugly cry and wails, "That's not going to be for a very loooooong time!" and flees the apartment.

Back at Southfork, JR tells Jock about his meeting with Papa Mainwaring, and that the Ewing-Mainwaring partnership is firmly on track. Pam, Bobby, and Sue Ellen and her two society lady friends arrive at the ranch, followed by a despondent Lucy. She announces that the wedding's off 'cause of how turned off she suddenly is by Kit's jealousy and possessiveness. JR looks alarmed and snaps, "That's nonsense!", but Lucy digs in and says she's not changing her mind and that she prolly won't get married for a looooong time. Jock interjects and says she doesn't have to get married if she doesn't want to, and Miss Ellie warns JR to leave her alone. 

Bobby finds Lucy sobbing in the study and coos, "You gave quite a performance" and remarks that Kit has a lot to be grateful for. He gushes over her courage and calls her "quite a lady", but Lucy just cries about how much it hurts. She squeaks, "When will it stop?" and Bobby assures her that in all likelihood the writers will forget all about this storyline by the time the end credits roll...and this seems to make Lucy sob even harder.

Recap: Bobby and JR are playing a vigorous game of racquetball...and Bobby wins after he crashes into JR to make the winning shot. JR cackles about how all of this vigorous exercise is good therapy for him 'cause he's been celibate ever since Pam left Southfork. The two are about to start another game when a young woman pokes her head inside the court to inform Bobby that he's been summoned to Southfork.

Pam and her boss, Liz Craig, are overseeing a photo shoot for the department store...and Pam strikes up a friendship with one of the models who's played by Veronica Hamel.

At Southfork, Ray and a ranch hand named Frank inform Bobby that a gang of rustlers made off with a truckload of Southfork cattle, and that it's happened a few other times over the last few months. Bobby stares blankly into space as he digests that troubling development and says he'll call the neighboring ranchers to see if they too have been having rustler issues.

Over at Ewing Oil, JR is complaining to a small group of oil industry cronies about some new oil refinery deal, and that he hopes that the government will soon lift its restrictions. The cronies tell him they don't want to get into any kind of deal making with him 'cause of what happened to Willie Joe and Jeb, then call him out on the lack of clout he has now that Ben Maxwell is fully supportive of Cliff in his position at the Office of Land Management. One crony suggests that if JR can "handle" Ben they'd maybe be willing to do business with Ewing Oil again...but then says it's prolly not likely to come about 'cause Ben represents ultimate power in Dallas and is a straight-as-an-arrow type guy. (Except: not)

As Bobby and Ray pore over a map of Southfork, Ray mentions that he found tire tracks near some damaged fencing. Bobby suggests they go out and hit a bunch of hillbilly bars tonight to see if they can uncover any intel about the rustlers...and when Ray insists that he can handle that action himself, Bobby says he wants to go 'cause he could use a distraction from his troubled marriage. 

At Southfork that evening, Jock asks JR how the oil refinery deal is shaping up, and JR sheepishly reports that the cronies are being stubbornly shortsighted in their refusal to enter into any kind of business with Ewing Oil. Jock gruffly reminds him that now that Willie Joe and Jeb are serving time for murdering Tina Louise, the company is going to need an infusion of trusted cartel members - and JR stares shamefully at the floor and promises his crusty daddy that he'll get right on that. Jock tells him to enlist Bobby if he needs help...and JR bitchily remarks that Bobby's mind isn't on business these days 'cause of his separation from Pam. Miss Ellie interjects and she's hopeful that their separation is just temporary, then predicts that Pam will soon return home. Her pronouncement results in a long, awkward silence among the Ewing men. 

JR is back at the racquetball club, but this time he's playing an energetic game with Ben Maxwell, who looks like a skinny milquetoast in his shorts and t-shirt but somehow represents ultimate power in Dallas. When they finish their game, JR tries to talk shit about Cliff - but Ben just chuckles about how he never gets tired of invoking the show's tedious Ewing-Barnes feud. Fuuuuucking right.

Pam is running another photo shoot, this time with the models wearing swimsuits. She invites Veronica Hamel to join her for lunch at the racquetball club, then admits that her ulterior motive is the possibility of running into Bobby 'cause she knows how much he likes to play racquetball.

During lunch, Pam admits to Veronica Hamel that she really misses Bobby and hates living alone...so Veronica Hamel suggests she move into her apartment so they can share expenses. Pam bristles at how permanent that arrangement sounds - but then sighs and says she simply can't bear the thought of living under the same roof as Bobby's "serpent of a brother". Veronica Hamel tells her she can stay as long as it takes to figure out her living situation, and Pam agrees to come by her place later and have a look.

JR and Ben stop by the bar in the racquetball club restaurant so that JR can continue bitching about how Cliff is using his position at the Office of Land Management to destroy Ewing Oil. Ben just kind of shrugs and says he's A-OK with Cliff's work performance...as is anyone else who matters. He then notices Pam lunching across the room and asks JR if that's his sister-in-law - just as Pam and Veronica Hamel gather up their stuff to head out. As they walk past the bar, JR says hello and asks to be introduced to her pretty friend. After the introductions are made and some small talk is exchanged, Pam and Veronica Hamel exit the restaurant...and once they're out of earshot, JR asks Ben if he finds Pam's friend hot. Ben chuckles and pretends he barely noticed her 'cause of how happily married he is.  

JR drops by Veronica Hamel's apartment so the two can get reacquainted, since apparently he knew her during her call girl days. He holds up a framed photo of her daughter, who's currently living with Mama Hamel, and offers her a proposition that entails exploiting her "special talents". Veronica Hamel shoots him the stink-eye, declines the sleazy offer, and says she's dedicated to making a new life for herself as a catalogue model. JR refuses to take no for an answer, hands her some cash, and says he has a friend whose boner is in desperate need of her services. Veronica Hamel responds by angrily ripping the bills in half and letting the pieces flutter to the floor, then barking, "No deal!" She calls him a prize pimp, a nickname JR takes as a compliment before snidely adding, "Seeing as how it comes from an expert." He then exits the building and sneaks back to his car just as Pam pulls up...and remains parked there, creepily staring at her as she obliviously makes her way toward the building.   

Pam calls Bobby to inform him that she's moving out of her hotel room to share an apartment with her new gal pal, Veronica Hamel. Bobby contorts his normally blank face into an expression of concern and says that that living arrangement sounds kinda permanent. Pam reminds him how torturous it is for her to live under the same roof as his shitty family...but since she really hates living alone, she decided 'why not live in Veronica Hamel's spare bedroom?' Bobby glumly wishes her luck and ends the call just as Miss Ellie and JR enter the study. Bobby announces that Pam is moving in with her girlfriend Veronica Hamel...and JR perks up and grins devilishly. 

JR calls up his buddy from the Vice Squad, a douchewad named Matt Henderson, and says he has a small task he needs him to perform. He gives Matt a quick run-down on Veronica Hamel and says that the uppity hussy needs reminding of who she is and who her friends are. He orders Matt to give her the "B treatment" (it remains unclear if that's better or worse than the "A treatment"), and gives him the address of her building. 

Veronica Hamel pulls up to her apartment building - but before she can go inside, she's accused by Matt Henderson of solicitation. When she points out that she didn't actually do anything, he tauntingly says that no one will believe her. She raises her hand to slap him across the face, but he stops her by grabbing her by the wrist and steering her toward his car.

JR finds Sue Ellen boozing it up in their bedroom. He snatches the bottle away from her and pours the alcohol into the nearest houseplant, then admonishes her for not showing up at the dinner table this evening...which seems secondary to the fact that SHE'S BOOZING IT UP WHILE PREGNANT. Sue Ellen smirkingly says she wasn't feeling well, and JR bitchily retorts that she'll feel a lot worse if she pulls a no-show at dinner tomorrow. It's interesting how important these wretched family dinners are to JR...but I'll have to assume it's related to his weird daddy issues. Sue Ellen lets out a caustic guffaw and asks him if he's going to start beating his pregnant wife, and JR shoves her toward the nearest mirror and snarls about how pathetic the former Miss Texas now looks, then barks, "A lush! A tramp!" Sue Ellen wryly adds, "And chances are, the mother of your child." JR warns her to take better care of the baby on account of it being the only thing standing between her and the gutter. A few seconds later, he gets a phone call and tells whoever it is that he'll be there in an hour.

Bobby and Ray are milling around a hillbilly bar filled with grizzled men wearing plaid shirts and cowboy hats...and after having hit several bars earlier in the evening, Bobby tells Ray he's ready to call it a night. A fight suddenly breaks out when a hostile looking group of yokels surround a young man who's been asking about rustlers...and Bobby and Ray immediately jump into the fray. Everyone starts punching everyone, tables get flipped over, and Ray throws a chair at someone before he and Bobby flee the bar. They encounter the young man who was being bullied - Kit Mainwaring - and he thanks them for the help and explains that his family's ranch was recently targeted by cattle rustlers. Bobby perks up and asks him if he uncovered any intel, but Kit says he wasn't able to learn anything useful before the shit hit the fan. Bobby invites him to stop by Southfork in the morning so they can put their heads together and figure out who the cattle thieves could possibly be. Looks like a boring-as-fuck mystery is in the works.

Matt Henderson drives Veronica Hamel home without arresting her, then tells her she's lucky to have such powerful friends. She flees to her apartment only to find JR sitting on her couch - and he smugly tells her he enlisted Matt Henderson to intimidate her into doing his sleazy bidding. Veronica Hamel gives in and says she's open to his deal, so JR hands her a membership card for the racquetball club and says he's going to orchestrate a "chance encounter" between her and Ben Maxwell, and that her assignment is to get him to believe that she's in love with him (and/or vice versa). Once that's been accomplished over drinks, she's to invite him to her apartment and make it look as though the two of them and Pam are enjoying a three-way. LOL - that plan sounds just crazy enough to work! Veronica Hamel gets antsy about setting up Pam, so JR turns all menacing and says he's not playing games. He reminds her that they pulled off a similar scam in Houston, then hands her a post office key so she can collect her hefty payment once she's completed her assignment. 

At breakfast the next morning, Bobby comes to the table with his bruised, beat up face. He tells the family about the skirmish he and Ray got into last night while hunting rustlers - and Jock turns wistful and says he wishes he'd come along, cracking skulls along with them...and he says this as if he wouldn't have keeled over after the first blow. Kit Mainwaring arrives at the ranch and is introduced to everyone...including Lucy, who immediately looks smitten as she gives him an appreciative once-over. When Bobby heads off with Kit to go see the sheriff, JR grunts approvingly and says that forming a Ewing-Wainwaring alliance would be a smart move for the family. Lucy concurs and gigglingly suggests they invite Kit to their next barbecue 'cause of how super gorgeous he is. 

Veronica Hamel launches Operation Seduce Ben Maxwell and Fake a Three-way and pretends to bump into Ben at the racquetball club bar. Ben invites her to join him for a drink...and we see that JR is keeping tabs on the operation by creepily spying on them through the blinds of a nearby window. LOL.

Veronica Hamel calls Pam at work and tells her she'll be home late tonight due to an unexpected booty call, but that she can get a key to the apartment from the building manager.

JR recruits a photographer to take compromising photos of the impending faux three-way. The photographer is reluctant to get involved in JR's schemes, but then decides he could really use the cash.

Pam and her suitcase arrive at Veronica Hamel's apartment and she glances around the tiny hovel and appears happy to be there.

Many drinks later, Veronica Hamel and Ben Maxwell arrive at her building. She purrs at him about not wanting the evening to end and invites him in for a nightcap...and Ben's like, "Sounds good to me!" and the two stroll towards her building, arm in arm. I guess he's not so happily married after all.

Veronica Hamel urges Ben to relax as she pours them a drink, then excuses herself to change into something slinky. While doing that, she signals the photographer who's lurking outside near the window to let him know that the operation's a go, then returns to the living room. She briefly canoodles with Ben, unbuttons his shirt, and steers him toward Pam's bedroom. Ben drunkenly stumbles and lands atop Pam - and she wakes up and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" just as the photographer starts snapping away. Ben glares at Veronica Hamel and angrily snaps, "What are you trying to pull?!" then quickly buttons up his shirt and flees the apartment while Pam struggles to recombobulate herself.

Jock arrives at breakfast with the day's paper, and on the cover is the faux three-way photo of Pam, Ben Maxwell, and Veronica Hamel. Miss Ellie frowns at the offending pic and says she doesn't believe that it was a viable three-way...not least 'cause of the shocked and puzzled expressions on Pam's and Ben's faces that make it clear how surprised they are to suddenly be in each other's presence. Lucy and Sue Ellen, on the other hand, decide it's authentic. Jock says that this scandal is sure to ruin Ben Maxwell, and JR concurs and says that his board of directors will, no doubt, ask him to resign. When Miss Ellie wrings her hands about how wrecked Bobby is going to be, Sue Ellen haughtily retorts that Pam had a lovely home at Southfork, but chose to leave it so she could play raunchy sex games. Like she's really one to be sanctimonious about extramarital sex when she's trying to pass off Cliff's love child as a Ewing. When Bobby arrives at the breakfast table and gets a look at the paper, he immediately blames JR and calls the stunt his style. He gets in a good face punch before Jock gets between them and threatens to beat the hell out of both of them. He growls at JR that he'd better be innocent of Bobby's accusation, but JR just shrugs and says, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

Veronica Hamel calls her mom to tell her she's coming to pick up her daughter now that she has the cash to "bring her up as a proper lady". Er...OK. Pam emerges from her bedroom, sees the packed bags, and asks whassup. Veronica Hamel looks tortured and moans about how she doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and that she wouldn't have done it if there had been a better way out of her poverty. She then points at the newspaper sitting on the counter and beats a hasty retreat. 

JR hands out cigars to his old white cronies in celebration of disgraced Ben Maxwell's sudden departure. The cronies are unsure if this means that Cliff will still remain in his position at the Office of Land Management, so they give JR his cigars back and tell him to give them a call if Cliff resigns. Haha!

Bobby arrives at the apartment building just as Pam is packing up her car. He tells her it's time to end their estranged marriage subplot and orders her to return to Southfork asap. Pam wails that she has to leave Dallas 'cause she can't live with the scandal of the faux three-way, and Bobby just snorts derisively and says that anyone with a brain knows it was a total set up. The two correctly assume that it must have been orchestrated by JR, and Pam says, "Well that finishes it." Bobby argues that it's only over if she stops fighting, and that he can't stand the thought of JR winning. Pam throws in the towel on avoiding a life of misery living under the same roof as her in-laws 'CAUSE CLEARLY BOBBY IS NEVER GOING TO GET A CLUE AND CONCLUDE THAT THIS WHOLE SITUATION COULD EASILY BE SOLVED BY GETTING A HOME OF THEIR OWN and coos, "I love you", to which Bobby replies, "Then let's go home" before giving her a big smooch.

Bobby and Pam return to Southfork, and Pam seems oddly thrilled to be back on the ranch. Lucy squeals happily and gives Pam a happy hug, and she's greeted in a lukewarm fashion by Miss Ellie and Jock. Sue Ellen emerges from the house and shames Pam for having the nerve to show her face at Southfork after disgracing the family with her raunchy sex games. Miss Ellie chides her, but then smiles serenely as she expresses how happy she is that the family is back together again (save for Gary, of course)...and Jock suggests they celebrate Pam's return home with a drink.

A few seconds later, JR arrives home and looks thrilled with the scheme he still assumes he pulled off...but when Pam emerges from the house and says hey, he's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" She shoots him a smug grin, and then Bobby explains that when he and Pam saw the faux three-way photo on the cover of the newspaper, it made them realize how much they loved and needed each other. The rest of the Ewings chuckle as JR stares helplessly into space.

Womp womp!

Recap: The Ewings are gathered in the Southfork study/library for some after-dinner familial bonding. JR and Kristin (Sue Ellen's sister, who was invited by JR to stay at the ranch) are playing a spirited game of backgammon. When they finish the game, JR nudges Kristin in Bobby's direction and suggests that they play together next...and Sue Ellen shoots JR a suspicious stink-eye at his less-than-subtle attempt to stir up some adulterous hanky-panky action between his doltish brother and her vapid sister.

Later, JR tells Sue Ellen he's happy to have Kristin around 'cause it livens things up at Southfork. Sue Ellen admonishes him for egging Kristin on to seduce Bobby - but JR just chuckles and says it's not his fault if "nature takes its course" and the two end up hitting the sheets.   

The next morning, Sue Ellen and Kristin are lounging by the pool. When Kristin gushes about how much she loooooves hanging at this fancy ranch, Sue Ellen lectures her about how money isn't the most important thing in life - a lesson she learned when she sold her soul by marrying a rich oil man who now can't stand the sight of her...not least 'cause she cuckolded him by doinking Cliff Barnes a few weeks before announcing she was preggers. Kristin shrugs and admits to being a shameless gold digger, and that her goal in life is to marry into wealth and live a life of pampered leisure. She then grumbles about their childhood and the way she was always being unfavorably compared to her big sister, and haughtily says she's no longer willing to play second fiddle to her. As Sue Ellen chews on that hostile nugget, Lucy pokes her head outside and tells her she has a call from her doctor - but when Sue Ellen picks up the phone, she learns it's really Cliff calling for some top secret intel. He asks her how important the Kessel oil lease is to JR, so she tells him she's heard Jock grunt about its importance from time to time...which, by default, means it's also important to JR. During that conversation, Lucy heads over to the pool and eyes Kristin suspiciously as she wonders aloud what in blazes JR was thinking when he invited her to stay at the ranch indefinitely. Kristin chirps, "He was just being nice" and Lucy rolls her eyes, guffaws, and retorts, "JR is never nice."

Downtown, Bobby meets up with Pam, who got herself a layered haircut with cute feathered bangs. He urges her once again to pleeeeeeease come home, and Pam makes a blech face and says she can't stand the idea of living on an oppressive ranch inhabited by two male Ewings who insist on perpetuating the tedious Ewing-Barnes feud. Bobby chides her for not wanting to live under the same roof as his family - 'cause, yeah, what newlywed wife wouldn't want to live in such close proximity to her shitty in-laws - and Pam gets teary and whimpers, "I don't know what to doooooo." Bobby stares at her with his default blank expression for several seconds, then gives her a kiss and invites her to lunch.

Cliff heads over to the Kessel ranch and begs the owner, Wally Kessel, to deny (or at least delay) leasing his land to the Ewings. Wally says he's desperate for the cash, so Cliff tells him that Digger will cut him a check in exchange for future royalties of whatever oil gets extracted. Wally mulls that over, then says if Digger (meaning Cliff) can come up with the cash, then yep, they have a deal.

That evening, Jock asks JR if he secured the Kessel lease yet, and JR tells him the deal is imminent 'cause he knows how broke Kessel is and that his next mortgage payment is due soon. Jock grumbles that if they don't start to drill soon, it's going to cost them money...since apparently Kessel is the last holdout on a vast plot of prime oil drilling land. JR complains that Wally is asking for more money in royalties and suspects that Cliff Barnes is somehow behind it. Bobby admonishes him for automatically assuming that Cliff is to blame...and when JR bitchily snaps that the less they have to do with the Barnes family the better, Bobby smugly retorts, "I'm married to a Barnes and plan to stay that way." 

Cliff asks Pam if she could please shell out $10,000 for an oil revenues investment for Digger...then reminds her that, last he checked, the hopeless wino was drunkenly staggering around in or near the vicinity of California. Pam agrees to check with Bobby and ask him if it's OK for her to withdraw that kind of money from their joint bank account for an investment, and Cliff assures her that once the oil drilling starts, she'll get her money back.

Bobby tells Pam she's more than welcome to lend his cash to drunken Digger, then wrings his hands again about how bummed he is about their ongoing separation. You could easily solve that problem by not trying to force your wife to live at stupid Southfork with your family - and instead buy a nice cozy house for the two of you and visit Southfork on weekends or major holidays. Dolt. 

That evening, Kristin dons a pretty white dress and wanders around Ewing manor, looking hilariously awestruck by the tacky '70s wallpaper and outmoded drapery. Lucy silently watches her from across the room, then cattily remarks that she looks exactly like Sue Ellen did the first time she stepped foot inside the Southfork "mansion". Kristin grins and decides to take that as a compliment.

The next morning, Kristin leaps into the pool while Bobby is swimming laps...and the two flirtily splash around together. When JR and Sue Ellen happen to wander by at that moment, JR remarks that it's nice to hear the sound of Bobby's laughter again. Sue Ellen rolls her eyes and warns him to not use her idiot sister as a pawn in his nefarious schemes - and JR says she's imagining things, then dickishly adds, "I hope you haven't been drinking again." After Sue Ellen ambles off, JR sidles up to Kristin and suggests she hitch a ride with Bobby into Dallas and then bum around downtown for the day...and she perks up at that prospect. Miss Ellie and Jock emerge from the house a few seconds later, and Kristin wraps herself up in a towel and gushes about how much she loooooves Southfork and never wants to leave!

Sue Ellen tells Kristin she can't hang with her today 'cause she'll be attending a charity meeting with Miss Ellie, and Kristin manages to keep a straight face and assures her it's not a problem. Sue Ellen comes right out and asks her if she's interested in Bobby, then warns her that the blockhead is off the market 'cause he's still in love with Pam. Kristin snorts derisively and accuses Sue Ellen of worrying too much about being overshadowed by her.

Kristin catches Bobby as he's just about to leave and asks him if he wouldn't mind giving her a lift downtown. He's like, "Sure, get in" ... and Sue Ellen stares at them through her bedroom window, her face scrunched concernedly. 

During the drive, Kristin pretends to have an interest in museums and architecture, then pretends she's not the sort of girl who would jump into a marriage with just anyone. When they arrive downtown, Bobby drops her off and tells her to stop by the Ewing Oil office building by 5pm to get a ride back to Southfork. 

Cliff gives Wally Kessel a cashier's check for $10,000, then gleefully tells him he got the money from Pam specifically so he could screw the Ewings with their own money. Wally just kind of shrugs indifferently at Cliff's revenge-induced bitchitude and says he's just happy to have the cash.  

JR gets a call from one of his banker flunkies, who reports that Pam just withdrew money from hers and Bobby's account in order to invest in the Kessel lease on behalf of Digger. JR mutters obscenities under his breath as he charges over to Bobby's office, angrily breaks the news about Pam's involvement in this giant yawn of a subplot, and says that Kessel is now demanding 25% in royalties (up from his usual 15%). Bobby points out that 15% is pretty low and insists that Pam couldn't possibly have known that the money she loaned to Digger had anything to do with a business deal involving Ewings...but promises to look into the boring matter, pronto.

Bobby storms over to the Office of Land Management to confront Cliff about the 10K loan - and is miffed when he finds the office empty.

Kristin arrives at the Ewing Oil offices at 5pm to catch a ride back to Southfork with Bobby - but JR tells her he's not around and that he'd be more than happy to give her a lift. He tells her she's had a positive effect on his brother and that he's been a lot more cheerful lately...then solemnly adds, "Bobby's marriage is over, he just hasn't wanted to admit it." Kristin perks up at that premature pronouncement and looks intrigued.   

​Bobby tells Pam there's a problem with the 10K she loaned to Digger, then explains that it was used to delay the Ewings' attempts to score the Kessel lease. Pam's all, "Wha-a-a?" and says she had no idea the Ewings were involved in the loan, and that she highly doubts Cliff was aware of it either. Bobby loses his patience and says it's highly doubtful that Cliff wouldn't have known all about it, then snarks at her to grow up and realize no one (aka the Ewings she hates so much) is perfect. As he storms off, a tearful Pam stares after him.

Back at Southfork, Bobby tells JR and Jock and he's pretty sure that Cliff was involved with the Kessel debacle - but makes it clear that Pam was completely oblivious to it when she loaned Digger the money. JR says he's plenty steamed about Cliff using Ewing money to sabotage one of their projects, and Jock concurs and grumbles that Pam should have stayed out of the matter. He says he really really wants the Kessel lease and demands to know what JR is going to do to fix this boring-as-fuck predicament - and Bobby steps up and offers to sort it out by trying to reason with Wally and Cliff. Jock snaps, "Do whatever it takes!" and Bobby clicks his heels and obediently replies, "Yes sir!" which made me cringe, 'cause - yeesh - these grown Ewing sons really have odd daddy issues.

Pam calls Bobby to tell him she's been unable to track Cliff down. She invites him to lunch with her tomorrow, but he sourly declines 'cause of how she's always pro-Cliff and anti-Ewing, wah wah..

Bobby finds Cliff in his office and implores him to convince Wally Kessel to settle and lease his land to the Ewings. Cliff pretends to know nothing about the matter, then snarks - appropros of nothing - about how he never wanted Pam to marry him. Bobby sighs and says he thought they were past all this, and Cliff says that while he likes him personally, he's obliged to hate him for no reason other than he's a Ewing...then rails about how the Ewings are responsible for ruining his political career and getting him arrested for Tina Louise's murder. Bobby contorts his normally blank face into a menacing expression and warns Cliff that if he doesn't leave his marriage alone, he'll join forces with JR to fuck up his life a whole lot worse than it's been fucked up already.

After witnessing a seemingly flirty interaction between Kristin and Bobby, Lucy advises Kristin to not waste her time on Bobby 'cause it's unlikely he'll follow through and fool around on his wife, despite their estrangement. She adds that JR, on the other hand, has no compunction about cheating on his wife and is always up for some sleazy bedroom action. Kristin stares quizzically into space and pretends to have no earthly idea what Lucy could possibly be referring to.

Kristin drops by Bobby's room as he's changing his shirt and invites him to play a game of tennis - but he politely declines and tells her he's on his way to a business meeting with Wally Kessel. When she looks visibly disappointed, he relents and says he can play after his meeting, so she perks up and rushes off to gather up her tennis gear and meet him at his car. When Lucy sees the two drive off together in Bobby's convertible, she shakes her head in dismay.  

Bobby does his best to convince Wally to accept 21% in royalties for his oil lease, then leaves the old man his card and urges him to think really hard about it. As he and Kristin head back to his car, he remarks that he's very optimistic that Wally will come around, then says he's definitely up for a game of tennis.   

At Southfork that evening, JR flirtily asks Kristin if she's made any significant progress on Operation Seduce Bobby...and Bobby happens to walk into the room at that very moment and looks startled at their touchy-feeliness. After an embarrassed Kristin rushes off to telephone her mother, Bobby admonishes JR for doing something as icky as make a move on his wife's sister. JR turns the tables on Bobby by suggesting that it's actually he who thinks Kristin is hot - but then stares contemplatively into space and dreamily refers to the minx as "a very special girl". LOL.

Wally Kessel drops by the Ewing Oil offices to lease his land in exchange for 21% in royalties. Bobby gushes about what a wealthy man he now is - but Wally ignores him and shoots JR the stink-eye and chides him for trying to railroad him with a shitty royalties deal.

Pam storms over to Cliff's office and gives him the what-for for extracting the $10,000 from her under false pretenses. She cries, "I feel like a fool!" - but an obstinate Cliff tells her she's going to have to choose a side: Ewing or Barnes. Pam says that as shitty as the Ewings are, his "side" isn't looking very attractive either.

Bobby calls Pam, who tells him she confronted Cliff about lying to her, and that she's very sorry she gave him the benefit of the doubt. She then says they both need a good night's sleep so they can continue to drag out their marital separation quagmire into as many future episodes as possible.

JR tip-toes into Kristin's bedroom to creepily watch her sleep, then wakes her up by announcing, "Bobby's home."

Bobby is in the study, brooding and drinking whiskey when Kristin enters the room in her white negligee and pretends she came in to look for something to read. She asks him whassup with his glum aura, then presses herself against him and leans in for a smooch. He pushes her away and says he can only offer her friendship, and she's like, "Ah well, it was worth a try." She runs into Lucy on her way back to bed, and Lucy shoots her a smug smile and says, "I told you so" then snarks that there's no room at this ranch for a home-wrecking gold digger. She advises Kristin to go elsewhere in her search for a hapless rich man, 'cause at Southfork she's nothing but a loser.

Sue Ellen tells Kristin she should prolly leave Dallas and join their mother in Santa Fe until such time as her character can be recast with the far spicier Mary Crosby.

Pam and Bobby stroll down the street together. He gives her a smooch and coos, "I love you and I want you" and Pam says she really really wants them to start over - but not at shitty Southfork. Bobby nonsensically pronounces that they (Cliff and JR) will have won if the two of them go off somewhere to live a peaceful non-Southfork life. He then says he can't wait forever for her to make up her mind and urges her to shit or get off the pot. And soon.

Recap: Jock grumbles to Miss Ellie about all the chaos and drama stemming from Bobby's stupid decision to marry a Barnes - along with the writer's insistence on constantly stoking the tedious Ewing-Barnes feud. Miss Ellie tut tuts him and says that none of it can be helped 'cause of how in looooove Bobby is with his wife.

Miss Ellie brings Bobby a mug of coffee after he boycotted the family breakfast, and Bobby snarks about how much he'd love to "resign from the Ewings". He rails about how the Ewings will stop at nothing for money, case in point: Jock hurt Digger and conned him out of what was rightfully his. Miss Ellie argues that since Digger has always been a hopeless drunk, conning him is like taking candy from a baby...so therefore not unethical or dickish. Bobby adds that JR is responsible for Cliff's arrest during the previous episode and that he's pretty sure his nefarious brother is generally up to no good. He wearily says, "It's a puzzle, mama" and Miss Ellie scrunches her face concernedly and says she doesn't like what he's saying, however on the nose he may be. 

Bobby calls Pam at the hotel she's staying at to pass along a message from Liz Craig (her employer), which is that she's being put on mandatory leave until Cliff's trial has concluded...and I'm guessing will be put on permanent leave if he's found guilty. That seems rather cunty and unfair of her. Pam laments the sudden loss of her job, then tells Bobby she has plans to visit Cliff this morning...and Bobby promises to swing by the jail to meet up with her afterwards.   

JR admonishes Sue Ellen for laying around in bed all morning and telling Miss Ellie she was too sick to join the rest of the family for breakfast. Sue Ellen shrugs indifferently and accuses him of setting up the man who cuckolded him by bedding not only his wife, but his mistress...and when JR doesn't retort, she taunts him by asking, "Jealous..?" JR stares back at her with a look of forced amusement and dismissively reminds her that she's just another Ewing possession, like an oil lease, and therefore is easily disposable. Yeesh. That is one soul-sucking marriage either of them should consider putting an immediate end to. 

Bobby snarks at JR for alienating Pam so badly that she felt it necessary to flee Southfork, but JR just shrugs and says that her leaving their home doesn't qualify as "much of a loss". Bobby comes right out and asks him if he set up Cliff, and JR tries to look as innocent as possible while he says he doesn't have that kind of clout with the police - but even if he did, he strongly believes that Cliff murdered Tina Louise.

JR meets with his yokel thugs, Jeb and Willie Joe, to discuss the confidential "red file" that Tina Louise had in her possession. JR brushes it off as nothing and insists that Tina Louise was murdered by Cliff in a crime of passion, however implausible that may be...not least because her hapless killers are currently standing right in front of him.  

Bobby meets up with Pam after her jail visit with Cliff. She once again refuses to return to Southfork and live under the same roof as the man who's responsible for Cliff's arrest...and Bobby chides her for inventing excuses to not belong, and that everyone other than JR (and probably Jock) likes having her around. Pam admits that she misses him, but insists that co-habitating at his parents' oppressive ranch is untenable. I wonder why Bobby is so resistant to the sensible idea of buying a cozy home for himself and Pam, and just visiting Southfork on weekends or major holidays.

Bobby stops by the jail's visiting area just after Cliff finishes conferring with his lawyer and asks if there's anything he can do...and Cliff bitterly retorts, "You Ewings have done enough!" Bobby offers him cash to cover his legal bills, but Cliff refuses to take money from a Ewing and instead urges him to look into Tina Louise's murder and find the real killer.

Court is in session for an examining trial, a proceeding that will determine whether or not there's enough evidence against Cliff to present to a grand jury. A doctor takes the stand and testifies that Tina Louise died of massive internal injuries...and that she had bruises on her arms, presumably from someone grabbing her before she was tossed off the roof. In the next scene, a police officer takes the stand and testifies that he uncovered fabric on the building's roof that matches what Tina Louise was wearing on the night she was killed, along with one of her shoes. He also found Cliff's fingerprints on stuff inside her apartment - but admits that they weren't on the stairwell leading up to the roof. After that, a resident of the apartment building testifies that she witnessed Cliff enter Tina Louise's apartment on the night of her death...and the spectators in the courtroom oooh and awww at the implication. LOL. So far this all seems like pretty weak circumstantial evidence against Cliff.  

JR takes the stand and testifies that Tina Louise was his secretary, and that she resigned from Ewing Oil after enduring heartbreak when her blechy affair with Cliff came to a bitter end. He says he now knows that she had stolen confidential papers from Ewing Oil with the intention of giving them to Cliff, then contorts his face into a faux sad expression and says he felt betrayed by her treachery. 

During a recess, Cliff is in a closed door meeting with his lawyer, and Pam and Bobby. Cliff tells Bobby he can make himself useful by fetching him a clean shirt and picking up his mail.  

After the commercial break, Bobby returns with a brand new shirt and a stack of mail. Cliff sifts through his mail and is startled when he finds a letter that Tina Louise had sent to him prior to her untimely death. Inside the envelop is a key and a ticket to a nearby pawn shop...and when he shows it to Pam and Bobby, Bobby offers to look into it while court is back into session. Cliff mulls that over and hands him the key and pawn shop ticket.

Bobby rushes out to his Mercedes and races over to the pawn shop to retrieve the item that matches the ticket...and it's a briefcase that contains Jock's will, along with legal papers that strongly implicate Jeb and Willie Joe in various illegal pay-offs with congressmen, senators, and judges. Bobby stares woodenly at the briefcase while he contemplates his next move.

Pam, meanwhile, testifies that she knew her brother and Tina Louise had hooked up...and that she argued with him about his poor choice of fuck buddy at a restaurant recently - but that the argument wasn't actually about Tina Louise. The defense attorney gets the judge to agree that the prosecutor should drop this line of questioning before Pam can divulge that she had argued with Cliff 'cause he was hitting the sheets with Sue Ellen...which is really too bad 'cause it would have made for a spicy moment in court with Sue Ellen and JR sitting in the spectators' section. Pam continues to testify about how she had learned that Tina Louise stole the Ewing Oil papers...but then is forced to admit that Cliff didn't come to her defense when she had been accused by the Ewings of the theft. I'm not sure exactly how any of this relates to Cliff allegedly killing Tina Louise, but this is about where where I started to mentally tune out.

Bobby storms over to Ewing Oil, brusquely dismisses the two secretaries, and bursts into JR's office just as JR is laughing to someone over the phone about how awesome it is that Cliff is finally out of their hair. Awkward. Bobby snatches the phone out of his hand and slams the pawn shop briefcase on his desk. He shows JR the pay-off files that Tina Louise had compiled, and JR peruses the documents and mutters, "Why, that cheap little tramp." Bobby then pulls out the copy of Jock's will and points out the fake codicil that gives JR full rights to drill oil on Southfork's Section 40 [that JR secretly got a crew to test during the Home Again episode], then snaps, "It's a forgery!" and admonishes JR for attempting to con his own parents. JR argues that he was merely trying to make Ewing Oil a more powerful company...and Bobby glares at him in disgust and says he's off to confront Dan Marsh, who he now knows tapped Cliff's phone and then brought him (JR) the recording. JR nervously implores his brother to please not tattle on him to their daddy.

Bobby gives Dan Marsh the what-for as he demands answers about his illegal wire tapping of Cliff...and Dan admits that Jeb and Willie Joe had slipped him some cash to put surveillance on Tina Louise. Bobby accuses him of setting up Cliff, calls him garbage, and storms out of his office. He then storms over to Jeb's/Willie Joe's office, and is informed by their flirty secretary Alice that the two yokels just left for the airport to fly to Alaska on business. Bobby picks up the nearest phone and calls the head of security at the airport and orders him to prevent Jeb and Willie Joe from boarding their flight until he has a chance to talk to them...and naturally the head of security's like, "Anything for you, Bobby Ewing" and agrees to detain the yokels. After that, Bobby gives Alice a small bribe, presumably to keep quiet about the phone call she just overheard, then suggests she use the cash to buy herself some perfume. Alice grins flirtily at Bobby and nods happily at the prospect of treating herself to a fresh new scent. LOL.

Cliff is bummed when his lawyer tells him that the judge just ruled that Julie's phone message can be used as evidence...despite it being obtained illegally. Cliff moans, "It's hopeless.." and worries that his career is over, even if he ends up being acquitted.

Jeb and Willie Joe are being held in the security office at the airport when Bobby arrives. He snappishly tells the two yokels he has the red file that Tina Louise was going to hand over to Cliff, and informs them that they - but somehow not JR - are implicated for offering various pay-offs to congressmen and senators. The yokels stare back at him, shell-shocked, and blurt out that they didn't actually intend to kill Tina Louise, and that she slipped and accidentally fell off the roof of her apartment building while they were threatening her. One of them cries, "We'll go to jail!" and Bobby says that if they refuse to go to the authorities on their own, he'll make the red file public, which is probably enough evidence for the police to charge them with Murder One.

The flimsy case against Cliff is dismissed! Cliff gushes to Pam and Bobby how surprised he is that this tedious storyline was able to resolve itself so quickly...and Bobby agrees that justice was served, but keeps mum about the contents in the pawn shop briefcase. A delighted Pam asks Bobby to pick her up at her hotel later, and he flashes her a grin and agrees to swing by.

Bobby returns to Ewing Oil and forces JR to burn Jock's forged will. JR whines that by making him do this he's crippling Ewing Oil, but Bobby points out that the company is worth millions and therefore doing A-OK. He then glares at JR in disgust and snarks, "I now know what you're all about!" and huffily exits the office.

​That evening, Pam and Bobby stroll around downtown. She says she suspects that he did something that resulted in Cliff being freed - but Bobby urges her to drop it and just enjoy her brother's freedom. Pam breaks the news that despite her love for him, she still can't bring herself to return to Southfork after what JR did to Cliff...and Bobby's all, "But I love you and want you back!" and reminds her that she knew he was a loyal Ewing stooge when she married him. He contorts his face in irritation as he ambles off alone...and a tearful Pam stares despondently after him. 

Recap: JR and Tina Louise are sipping wine and leisurely strolling along a boardwalk overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. Tina Louise asks JR if it bothers him that she betrayed him to Cliff in the Spy in the House episode, but he quickly changes the subject and mutters about how it's time for lunch. When Tina Louise presses the issue, JR breezily says that the betrayal is in the past, and that he has no urge to discuss it...however, what he does want to discuss is how well Cliff stacks up to him in the sack. Tina Louise giggles at that disturbing comparison as he leans in for a smooch.

It's Cliff's first day on the job as chief of the Land Management Bureau. As Mr. Maxwell toasts to his success, Cliff asks him if he has any immediate instructions to re-zone something, then mutters about how cognizant he is about having sold his soul to the devil when he agreed to take this job. Mr. Maxwell tells him it's not that bad, then reminds him that he now has the power to make a certain oilman very uncomfortable. He concedes that, yeah, he may ask him favors from time to time...but in exchange for that bit of soul selling, he's otherwise free to use the full power of his office to bury JR Ewing.

Cliff calls Southfork to invite Pam and Bobby to dinner - and we see that Cliff's phone has been tapped by JR's private investigator, Dan Marsh, and that he's eavesdropping on the conversation from a nearby surveillance van. Pam is standoffish toward her brother 'cause it's only been two episodes since she learned he was having an affair with Sue Ellen. Cliff's only defence is, "I'm a man, it happens" then says he'd really really like to treat her and Bobby to dinner. Pam tells him she'll check with Bobby and get back to him later.

Bobby and Ray are going over the floor plans for Ray's new house on his newly acquired plot of Southfork land - but Ray is in a glum mood and tells Bobby he's lost interest in the project 'cause the idea of living alone holds no appeal for him. He says he's still pissed off at JR for boning his honey, Garnet, in the Triangle episode, then snarls, "Makes my blood run cold." He bitches about how JR messes around with too many lives, and warns that one day it's going to catch up to him. Like maybe in the form of a cliffhanger shooting. Bobby reminds Ray that Garnet wasn't exactly an unwilling participant when she and JR hit the sheets, and Ray concedes that she was an opportunistic hussy...then shifts the conversation to the investigation around Section 40 of Southfork, and the snarly way JR forbade him to look into the oil crew he suspects of doing some mysterious, unauthorized work. Bobby solemnly asks him if Jock knows about this, but Ray says no, and that he wants some hard facts before he tattles to the old man. He says he learned that a roughneck named Charlie Waters was on that crew...and that he's sure it's somehow linked to a nefarious scheme of JR's. Bobby mulls that over and offers to help him locate Charlie Waters.

Cliff is convening a meeting with his staff - a group of middle aged white men - at the Land Management Bureau...and is pretending as though he has no intention of letting his personal feelings for the Ewings impact how he'll run this office. When one of the men - O'Neill - calls him out on his bullcack by pointing out that the Ewings practically stole the State Senate race from him, Cliff asks him to "pretend to be a vengeful me" and prepare a dossier on Ewing Oil.

JR and Tina Louise are lounging by the fireplace in their romantic hideaway. JR says he's going to rent a helicopter tomorrow to check on some of Ewing Oil's offshore platforms...and Tina Louise chides him for focusing on business during their sexcation. She remarks that she's surprised she's been able to keep him away from business this long, and he tenderly tells her she's the first woman who's ever had the power to do that. A few seconds later, he gets a call from O'Neill, who informs him that Cliff has tasked him with putting together a dossier on Ewing Oil. JR chuckles and says he'll be sure to keep the traitor supplied with bribe money so he remains loyal to the Ewing cause, then hangs up and laughingly tells Tina Louise that Cliff is making waves again.

Pam arrives at a restaurant and joins Cliff at his table. She apologizes for being late and tells him she got hung up at work...then tut-tuts him again for carrying on an affair with Sue Ellen. He assures her it's over, then asks if Bobby will be joining them. She says he is, and that she didn't spill the beans to him about his affair with Sue Ellen...'cause what would be the point, now that that uninteresting storyline has been fully played out. A few seconds later, Bobby arrives and cheerfully says hello to his brother-in-law and asks whassup. Cliff outright tells him he's using his new job to investigate the Ewings, then warns Bobby that his hands better be clean. Bobby just smiles back at him in his usual bland way and looks unconcerned.

JR drops off Tina Louise at her apartment, kisses her goodbye, then heads home to Southfork. As she unpacks her bags, she notices that her apartment has been searched - but in a subtle, non-ransacky kind of way. She chuckles knowingly and says, "You'll never find it, JR. 'Cause you don't know where to look."

Ray enters a seedy bar and announces to the bartender that he's looking for a roughneck named Charlie Waters...and a few seconds later, the roughneck - plus two additional roughnecks - appears behind him. Charlie snarls at Ray for not knowing when to quit nosing in his bidness, then orders him to step outside for an ass-kicking. As he grabs at Ray, Ray starts punching him...and soon all four men are rolling around in a giant bar brawl.

When Pam and Bobby return to the ranch after dinner, they encounter a bruised and bloodied Ray, who asks to speak to Bobby alone. He tells Bobby he had a run-in with Charlie Waters and two of his thugs, and that he suspects Charlie knows exactly what went down in Section 40. Bobby urges him to keep a lid on his suspicions until they know more about this tedious subplot.

Cliff is having lunch at a low budget cafeteria when he sees Tina Louise sitting at one of the tables. He joins her and asks her if this encounter is a coincidence or some sleazy undercover work she's doing for JR, then says he assumes she's resumed her affair with the philandering scoundrel. Tina Louise breezily says he's not that bad, and that she only chose this cafeteria to lunch in 'cause she has a job interview across the street. Cliff says he's surprised she's not working for Ewing Oil, then waxes on about how gorgeous and sexy she is...and invokes her inside knowledge of where JR's skeletons are buried. He says, "I'm ready to buy what you have to sell" and she saucily tells him he doesn't have the price, and that she now regrets how cheaply she sold out to him in Season 1. Cliff says, "JR hasn't hurt you badly enough this time" and Tina Louise declines to say anything further and asks Cliff to go buy her a tray of food so she can keep her mouth occupied and be less likely to spill any Ewing secrets. Meanwhile, Willie Joe Garr (one of JR's hillbilly associates) is also in the cafeteria, covertly watching the two from several tables away.

Charlie Waters informs JR that he and Ray got into a bar fight yesterday, and an irked JR reminds him he was supposed to have absconded to Midland by now. He hands the dumbfuck a wad of cash and orders him to get out of the country, pronto.

Bobby gets a phone call from a friend named Alex and asks him if he knows a roughneck named Charlie Waters...and at that moment, Jock happens to amble into the study. Bobby is dismayed to learn that Charlie has fled to Mexico...and when he finishes the call, Jock asks him why he's asking about a jerk like Charlie Waters. When Bobby pretends he's helping a friend put a crew together, Jock tells him he fired Charlie Waters five years ago for stealing a truckload of tools. Bobby looks stricken and says he'll warn his friend about the thief.

JR summons Willie Joe Garr and Jeb Ames to his office so he can express his annoyance about their insistence that he test the land on Section 40 for oil. He says he just had to pay a roughneck to get out of the country 'cause he couldn't keep his mouth shut about being on the Section 40 crew. He then changes the subject to some good news: their drilling site on the panhandle turned out to be a gusher, and is expected to churn out 10,000 barrels of oil a day. After the three high-five each other, Willie Joe reports to JR that he saw Tina Louise eating lunch with Cliff the other day, but JR looks unconcerned about any possible collusion...however, once the two men leave, JR calls Dan Marsh and orders him to put a tail on Tina Louise.

JR drops in on Tina Louise for a booty call. She complains that she has a life (though not much of one from what I can tell) and can't just be available to him whenever. JR flippantly says she's welcome to get a boyfriend, as long as she leaves some time for him...and somehow this gets Tina Louise in the mood for some lovin', and the two hit the sheets. Post coitus, JR tells her he heard about her lunching with Cliff the other day, then suggests she put their friendship to good use...and by good use, he means collect valuable intel for him while she and Cliff are pillow-talking. Tina Louise looks appalled and asks him if he's actually suggesting that she doink Cliff for the purpose of spying for Ewing Oil, and JR's like, "Well, d'yuh" and laughingly says, "I'm not the jealous type." He then finishes getting dressed and exits the apartment, leaving Tina Louise staring after him with an expression of hurt and bewilderment.

Bobby storms into the study while JR is on the phone getting his nightly surveillance update from Dan Marsh. Bobby reminds him that he promised to look into the tampered oil well on Section 40 and wants to know what he uncovered. JR tries to deflect answering that loaded question by telling Bobby the good news about the gusher on the panhandle - but Bobby steers the conversation back to Section 40 and tells him that Ray's covert investigation uncovered the name Charlie Waters. JR pretends he's never heard the name before, but Bobby angrily accuses him of ordering Ray to stay out of it, then demands to know why Charlie Waters suddenly left for Mexico. JR fake cringes and asks Bobby if he's going to punch him...and when Bobby throws in the towel on the conversation and says no, JR tells him it's time to join the rest of the family for dinner.

A sad looking Tina Louise calls Cliff, but gets his answering machine. She leaves a message - which Dan Marsh listens in on - about how she knows where JR's skeletons are buried, and that she's been hurt by him enough and is now willing to talk about price. She retrieves a piece of paper she has taped to the bottom of her jewelry box, puts it in an envelop and addresses it, then runs out to the hall and mails it. Dan Marsh quickly calls Jeb Ames and replays the message that Tina Louise just left for Cliff and tells him he needs to put a stop to the troublemaker, like pronto.

Cliff returns home, plays his answering machine, and rushes out the door.

Jeb storms over to Tina Louise's apartment and tells her it's time to leave Dallas, now that she's trying to make a deal with Cliff in order to intentionally screw over JR. He gives her five minutes to pack, and she goes into her bedroom, pulls out her suitcase...but then slips out a conveniently located back door that leads straight to the hall. After waiting for the elevator, she hears Jeb exit her back door and runs over to the stairwell...but panics when she sees Willie Joe standing several flights below. She changes direction and runs up to the roof...and by this time, both Willie Joe and Jeb are in close pursuit.

Tina Louise reaches the roof of her building and hides behind a wall - just as Cliff arrives at her apartment building. He sees her apartment door wide open, then steps inside and calls her name...and looks perplexed when he gets no answer.

Tina Louise presses herself against the wall, looking as terrified as she can muster. Jeb eventually spots her and chases her...and eventually the two men get close enough to grab her. She wails, "You're going to kill me!" and struggles against their grip...and as she's doing that, she somehow flings herself several feet backwards, then into the air, and does an acrobatic front-flip off the side of the roof before landing - splat! - onto the pavement below. 

Jock enters the dining room as the family gathers for their compulsory 6:00pm dinner. He opens the local paper and notices the headline, Murder or Suicide? above a photo of Tina Louise. He's all, "Wha-a?!" and announces to everyone that Tina Louise is dead. JR springs up from his chair and rushes around the table so he can check out the article. He then leaves the dining room, ashen-faced, to read the paper alone. A few seconds later, Bobby trails into the study after him and asks if there's anything he can do 'cause he knows how much the tart meant to him in the sack, but JR just snarks that he wants to be alone.

Detective McSween and Lieutenant Sutton drop by Cliff's apartment to request that he accompany them downtown for questioning. Cliff stares at them in blank confusion, so one of the officers informs him that Tina Louise is dead, and accusingly adds that he was seen leaving her apartment last night. 

Dan Marsh plays for JR the phone machine message that Tina Louise left for Cliff, and JR says that clearly this implies that Cliff killed her. Dan reminds him that the tape can't be used as evidence, since it was obtained illegally...so JR mulls that over for a few seconds, then calls up Detective McSween to inform him that Cliff has an answering machine in his apartment...and that "there's no telling who could have left a message on it". McSween sarcastically replies that it's good to have such public spirited servants like him around...but agrees to get right on that, since it's safe to assume that he's on some kind of bribery instalment plan so he stays helpful to the Ewings.

Sutton and McSween play Cliff's phone message back to him, then read him his rights and arrest him for murder...despite the absence of actual evidence that he committed the crime, and the fact that Tina Louise's phone message implicates JR far more than it does Cliff.

Pam arrives at the jailhouse to see Cliff. She asks him why they picked him up, so he explains that he had stopped by Tina Louise's apartment last night after receiving a phone message from her. He says he's sure that JR tapped his phone after learning about his affair with Sue Ellen, and correctly assumes that he was the one who tipped off the police so they'd know to listen to his answering machine.

Pam storms back to Southfork and into the study, where the family is gathered for their before-dinner drinks ritual. She tells everyone that JR is the reason Cliff is in jail, and JR snaps back that he's in jail because he killed someone. Pam snarls that he knows damn well that that's not true, then accuses him of framing Cliff and tapping his phone. When JR warns her about making such a serious accusation, she starts railing about how the Ewing empire is built on a turd-filled mound of deceit and theft, and that they're all a pile of rotten shitbags. Jock gets angry and gruffly barks, "That's enough of that, Pam!" so she storms upstairs to pack and is followed by Bobby, who begs her not to leave and says that running away won't help. Pam says she could use a break from this claustrophobic cesspool of a ranch for awhile, then ominously adds, "I don't know if I can be married to a Ewing." Bobby implores her to not let these problems affect their marriage, but she insists she needs time alone.

​As Pam drives off, JR and Sue Ellen stand on the patio and stare after her car. JR shrugs dismissively and says, "That's no loss" and Sue Ellen glares at him and asks what kind of man he is, standing by while Cliff faces prison time or possibly the death penalty. JR coldly says he deserves it if he's guilty, but Sue Ellen says the only reason he hates Cliff so much is 'cause he got it on with her behind his back. JR's like, "Whatever" and orders her to get back to the dining room, 'cause Jock might have a conniption if the family (sans Pam) doesn't eat their dinner at the prescribed Southfork dinner time. 

Recap: Most of this episode is taken up with Tina Louise's superfluous guest appearance as Julie Grey, former Ewing Oil secretary and betrayer. As she lounges around her modest apartment (soon after moving back to Dallas), she calls up the Cattleman's Club and asks her old pal Victor, the maître d', to give her a heads up next time he happens to see Jock Ewing dining at the restaurant. 

On Sunday morning, Bobby and Pam run into Jock as they head off to play tennis. Jock tells Bobby there are a few stray cattle that need to be herded back to the stables, but Bobby tells him he already took care of that...and adds that he didn't dare wake him up early on a Sunday morning for fear of invoking Miss Ellie's wrath. Jock grunts something unintelligible in reply, then says they're going to have to move the entire herd to a new grazing area. Bobby says he's already on it, and that he instructed Ray to take care of it first thing tomorrow morning. 

Over in the study, Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen are hosting a Daughters of the Alamo meeting. The women are gabbling about how they're usually apolitical...except, of course, when they're dutifully supporting their husbands' positions. A feisty woman in the group makes a face and asks, "What about our positions? Our opinions?" - hee! You go, sister! - just as Jock ambles into the room to pour himself a drink and ask whassup. Miss Ellie snaps, "Just soda, Jock", and Feisty cheekily informs him, "We're plotting the revolution." Jock asks if their husbands know about this, and Feisty tells him that her husband is too busy to care, given that he and JR are currently locked in a closed door meeting on a Sunday afternoon. Miss Ellie urges Jock to [go away and] lay down and promises to call him when dinner's ready.
​
Lucy is hanging by the pool with a group of friends...and when one of her friends clumsily crashes into the barbecue, Jock appears out of nowhere and starts to move it out of the way. Lucy chides him about straining his tired old body and gets one of her husky male friends to move the barbecue, and Jock frowns unhappily.

As the family happily gabbles about their day, Jock stares broodily into space. When he reaches for the salt, Miss Ellie tut tuts him like he's a five year old and reminds him that the doctor told him no salt. Jock frowns in annoyance, then changes the subject and asks JR how his meeting with Feisty's husband went. JR mutters about how there's some oil plugged up on the panhandle...then breezily says to not worry his pretty little head about it. Jock tells him he'd like to be at the next meeting, then mentions that he also needs to make an appointment with his lawyer to update his will so that Sue Ellen's and JR's/Cliff's..? spawn is included as a beneficiary. When JR cautions him about overdoing it, he snaps, "Damn it! I'm not an invalid!" and says he refuses to take orders from anyone. He gruffly declares that he's damn well attending tomorrow's meeting so that he can offer up his outmoded ideas to help solve the oil problem...then angrily shuffles out of the dining room. 

A group of white oil men are gathered in JR's office, discussing the plugged up oil well situation. The men discuss fracking, 'cause of how efficient [not to mention awesome for the environment] it is, but Jock suggests it might be better to inject the wells with a little nitrogen. JR disagrees and says that fracking is a faster, cheaper option...and when the rest of the men concur, an irked Jock throws in the towel and exits the office. He asks one of the secretaries to book him his favorite corner table at the Cattleman's Club, then dejectedly heads out.

Tina Louise gets a call from Victor, who informs her that Jock Ewing has just made a lunch reservation. She cackles gleefully, then exclaims to Jock as if he were standing in front of her, "You're in for a surprise!"

Cattleman's Club. Tina Louise approaches Jock at his table and tentatively asks, "Remember me?" and Jock nods and invites her to join him. She tells him that she just moved back to Dallas after living in New York, then apologizes for her part in the betrayal of Ewing Oil of favor of Cliff Barnes storyline... and Jock just kind of shrugs and concedes that the Ewings have also done some pretty nasty shit to Cliff over the years. The two order lunch, along with a bottle of champagne...and Jock clutches Tina Louise's hand and welcomes her back to Dallas.

Three hours later, Jock and Tina Louise are the only customers left in the Cattleman's Club, deeply immersed in conversation. She tells him she didn't like New York and missed her friends in Dallas, and Jock fills her in about Sue Ellen's pregnancy and says he's looking forward to gruffly romping around the ranch with his grandson. He lights up a cigar and chuckles about how Miss Ellie would blow a gasket if she ever saw him smoking, then sadly adds, "I don't do much of anything lately." Tina Louise wanks him about how virile and strong he still is, but Jock grumbles about how most of his life is behind him now - while she, on the other hand, has everything ahead of her. She flashes him a coquettish smile and says she hasn't been this happy in a long time, then announces that she's off to do some shopping. Jock perks up and asks her if she'd like company, and she chirps, "I'd love it!"

It's 6:30pm, and Miss Ellie is wringing her hands with worry 'cause Jock hasn't returned home yet. She wails, "I can't imagine what he's spending the entire day doing!" a few seconds before Jock breezes through the door, his arms filled with shopping bags. He ignores the wigged out look on Miss Ellie's face and casually asks, "What's for dinner?"

The next day, Jock meets up with Tina Louise for lunch, and the two chit-chat about her upcoming job interview (he offers to put in a good word to the prospective boss, she declines and says she'd like to do it on her own). Bobby and Pam enter the restaurant, quickly spot the two, then stare at each other and are all, "Wha-at's going on?" and make a beeline over to their table. Bobby shoots Tina Louise a brazen look of disdain, so she hastily explains that Jock has forgiven her for her betrayal in Season 1 and hopes that he will too. Bobby politely says, "Of course", and a happy looking Jock tells him he's planning to stop by Ewing Oil later for an impromptu meeting. As he and Tina Louise stroll off together, Bobby changes his default blank expression to one of grave concern.

Ewing Oil. Bobby blabs to JR that he saw Jock and Tina Louise eating lunch together, and that he just tried to reach Jock at Southfork but was told he isn't home yet. JR furrows his brows suspiciously...and when Bobby says he doubts that their grizzled daddy would mess around with another woman - 'cause eww the visual - JR says he's only human, and that he wouldn't put it past Tina Louise to lure the old man into the sack to carve out a 'sugar daddy/kept woman' dynamic. 

Jock escorts Tina Louise to her apartment and tells her that he's greatly enjoying their three hours lunches. He suddenly realizes he missed his meeting with Bobby, then chuckles and tells her she's the first woman who's ever made him miss an appointment. She gives him a squeeze, gushes about what a good friend he is, and the two arrange to get together the next day.

When Jock arrives home that evening, Bobby and JR tell him that his daily excursions into the city are causing Miss Ellie angst and therefore have to stop...and Jock tells them to go pee up a rope and that since he's a grown fucking man he has no intention of answering to them about his personal business or comings/goings. JR (pot) snidely says he's pretty sure he knows what this "personal business" is all about, and Jock (kettle) snaps at him for being a disrespectful little snot. Miss Ellie appears on the patio and asks Jock why he didn't call, and he tells her he had a lovely day and that she needn't fret every time he spends a few hours away from the ranch. After the two go inside, JR covertly tells Bobby he's pretty sure that the old man is getting is getting his wick dipped.

Tina Louise receives a flower delivery with a card that reads Welcome home, pretty lady...and a few seconds later, JR appears at her front door to make sure she knows that he was the sender. She looks less than thrilled to see him and says, "I figured you'd turn up" ... and he invites himself inside, pours himself a drink, and gives her a from-behind hug while telling her he's missed her. She tells him she heard about Sue Ellen's pregnancy, then asks him what he's doing here...and he gets all pissy and asks, "What are you doing with my daddy?" She admits that her initial motivation in befriending Jock was to bring him (JR) running...but after a few marathon lunches and shopping excursions, she realized she actually enjoys the old man's company. She says he's lonely and has a wife who treats him like a child and a family that treats him like an invalid...then contorts her face all pouty-like and purrs, "I treat him like a man." She chuckles and tauntingly tells JR she knows he's probably worried about the red file, and that Jock would be royally pissed if he ever learned that he tampered with his will 'cause he wants to turn Southfork into an oil field once the old man dies. She then pronounces to JR that things are different now...and that she's no longer going to sit around, waiting for him to drop by every now and then for a quickie. JR accuses her of taking advantage of Jock, and she shoots back, "He's twice the man you ever were" ... and a miffed looking JR says he hasn't yet gotten what he came for. Tina Louise sternly retorts, "And you're not going to!", but JR argues that sooner or later he always gets what he wants, then stalks out of the apartment.

Jock returns to the house after a morning run and tells JR he's tired of sitting around the ranch and wants to go back to work. JR snarkishly asks him if that's his idea or Tina Louise's...and when Jock's all, "Wuh?" JR warns him to stay away from the woman 'cause she's nothing but trouble. Jock insists that they're just friends, but JR says it's impossible for a woman that inherently sultry to remain just friends with any man. He calls her dirt and says the only thing she's interested in is "money and more money", and Jock snaps, "She's a fine lady!" and stubbornly insists on continuing their lunches and day trips to the mall. He storms into the house and runs into Miss Ellie, who concernedly asks him what he and JR were arguing about. When he refuses to fill her in, she goes out to the patio to ask JR whassup with all the arguing, and he comes right out and says, "We have a problem." He tells her that Jock has been lunching and shopping with Tina Louise, his hot new gal pal, and Miss Ellie looks appalled and upset at the revelation, then orders him to never speak of this to anyone ever again.

Jock is getting himself all dolled up when Miss Ellie enters the bedroom and says they need to talk. He's like, "No can do" and tells her he's heading into town. She asks him what he does all day in the city, and he says it doesn't concern her...and that when they got married, he made it clear that he was going to err on the side of being a rude dickwad of a husband and not answer to her about anything. Ever. He gives her a tiny peck on the lips and heads out...and Miss Ellie stares after him sadly, then goes over to the phone to summon Tina Louise to Southfork for a stern, woman-to-woman talkin' to.

Tina Louise tells the Ewing matriarch that, despite her very milquetoasty aura, she's rather intimidated to be in the same room with her. She assures her that she and Jock are strictly platonic friends...and that all they do is shop, lunch, get mannies/peddies, and generally make each other feel needed. Miss Ellie looks stricken by the admission and orders her to stop spending time with her husband immediately. Tina Louise goes, "Why?" then says, according to Jock, whenever he's home he's constantly being nagged about overdoing it...whereas to her, he's The Great Jock Ewing, and it means a lot to her to have his friendship. She challenges Miss Ellie to deny that ever since they've started hanging out, Jock has seemed younger, higher energy, and a lot happier. Miss Ellie says she can't argue with any of that, then says it's precisely why their non-affair is a lot more serious than she first thought.

​Jock is at a jewelry store, shopping for something glittery to give to Tina Louise. He then stops by Ewing Oil for no real purpose and gets lectured by Bobby for spending so much time with his new girlfriend. Jock gruffly insists that he's not cheating on Miss Ellie, and that his personal life is none of his business...and a few minutes later, Miss Ellie arrives at Ewing Oil to try to settle this dull-as-fuck platonic dating situation. She tells Jock she spoke with Tina Louise earlier and wants their friendship to stop asap. She says she realizes they aren't hitting the sheets or anything...but since Tina Louise is so young and impossibly sexy, she knows that things wouldn't stay platonic forever. She then reminds him that dinner at Southfork is served every night at 6pm and insists that he be there...but he defiantly tells her he has other plans, then makes a beeline for the exit. Miss Ellie stares after him looking startled and teary.

Dinner at Southfork is quiet and awkward, and everyone keeps glancing over at Jock's empty chair. Lucy asks to be excused from the table so she can pretend to study, then makes a break for it. JR finally snaps and says he's had enough of this awkwardness. He says they all know that Jock is hanging with Tina Louise right now, then demands to know what Miss Ellie is going to do about it. Miss Ellie admonishes him for meddling in her marriage, says she'll manage her life as she sees fit, then flees the dining room in tears. An incensed Bobby grabs JR by the collar and tells him to butt out of their mother's life, and Pam's all, "Ack!" and grabs Bobby, then drags him away from JR before any punching can occur.  

Miss Ellie is sitting on her bed, staring sadly into space. Pam drops by her room to give her a quick pep talk and remind her about the disturbing story she once told her about needing to horse-whip Jock into submission when he dragged his feet about proposing to her after he knocked her up. She asks, "What happened to that [psychotic] woman?" and Miss Ellie smiles her dumb vacant smile and says, "She's here" and gives Pam a quick hug before exiting the room.

Jock is over at Tina Louise's apartment, being served a snack. He grimly tells her he's not very hungry, and that he probably shouldn't have dropped by since he's such lousy company. He hands her a small box...and she opens it, squeals at the pretty necklace inside, and happily puts it around her neck. She then puts her solemn face on and asks him if this is a goodbye present, and he just kind of shrugs and says he has no idea why he purchased it. He tells her that their friendship has meant a lot to him - but that the producers have zero intention of stretching this asexual, May-December yawnfest into another episode. Tina Louise nods sympathetically and says it's understandable, then urges him to toddle off home. He nods and says, "I'll call you tomorrow", but Tina Louise quickly says, "No you won't" ... and Jock pauses to stare at her for a few seconds, mutely agrees, then leaves the apartment. 

Recap: Sue Ellen gets a call from her mother...and, hey, it's the same actress who plays Steve Austin's mom on The Bionic Woman! Mama Shepard hints (not so subtly) about wanting an invitation to Southfork - mostly so Kristin can mingle with eligible, high society Texas men. Sue Ellen promises to do her best to help her nymphet sister land a rich husband, but looks less than thrilled by the request.

Pam is at the department store where she works, helping Cliff get fitted for a new three piece suit so he can look more suave at the office. 

Sue Ellen is in Forth Worth, lunching with her gal pals after attending the grand opening of a new hospital wing. The gals gush that pregnancy agrees with her, then ask if JR is playing the "proud papa". Sue Ellen attempts to radiate as much of a fake pregnancy glow as she can muster and says, yep, he's sooooo excited. One of the gals says she hopes that JR will slow down at Ewing Oil, given that he has a reputation of being very devoted to his work...and Sue Ellen concurs and says he went to Austin for the day to close an important deal, but is expected to return home later this evening.

Cliff is in a meeting, being wooed by a Mr. Maxwell and two other old white men who seem very eager to appoint him as head of the Land Management Bureau. They explain that the position carries considerable weight 'cause he'll get to approve all land use projects, e.g. drilling, building, and ranching. Cliff worries that accepting the appointment will mean having to sell his soul in some way...and the men are like, "Well d'yuh" and show him a scaled model of their future vision of south Dallas, which will entail removing all the poor people who currently live in the area by condemning their unsightly low cost housing. Cliff says he can't possibly sell himself out that way, thanks them for considering him for the job, and stalks out of the room. The three men glance at each other and look visibly disappointed, but agree to continue trying to get Cliff to accept the appointment 'cause apparently no one else will do.

Sue Ellen and her gal pals walk across the hotel lobby...and Sue Ellen is aghast when she sees JR, arm in arm with a gorgeous woman. One of her friends remarks on how much the man looks like JR [I couldn't quite tell if she was playing it straight or being sarcastic], and Sue Ellen just stares into space with a look of total mortification on her face.

That evening, JR enters the bedroom and finds Sue Ellen throwing back a stiff drink. He tells her she prolly shouldn't be drinking while pregnant...but since it's the '70s, he promptly drops the issue [sucks to be you, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome afflicted spawn]. Sue Ellen sarcastically asks him how his trip to Austin went, then snarks about how tired she is of his lies. She explains that she was lunching with her friends in Fort Worth, bullcacking about what a proud papa he was going to be...and shortly afterwards saw him parade through the hotel lobby with his tramp du jour. JR chuckles and denies associating with tramps, and Sue Ellen admonishes him for not even having the grace to deny his philandering - not that she'd believe his lies anyway. She angrily declares, "I am not going to put up with this anymore. You have embarrassed me for the last time!" and orders him to stop jumping the bones of every fuckable woman who happens to stumble into his orbit. JR says, "Or what?" then tells her she should be grateful that he's willing to accept "the little bastard" she's passing off as his child, despite neither of them having a clue who the father is. Sue Ellen reminds him that he has no choice but to accept it, since there's a 50/50 chance the child could be his...then tells him he needs to change his ways and become the loving father-to-be she's been bragging to her gal pals he is. He asks, "And what will happen if I don't?" so she threatens to leave Southfork if he ever cheats on her again. JR says he enjoys his philandering lifestyle far too much to quit - about as much as she enjoys all the prestige and wealth that goes along with being Mrs. JR Ewing. He tells her to "get used to what is" 'cause no way in hell is he changing his bed-hopping ways. Sue Ellen shoots him the stink-eye and snarls, "Go straight to hell!" and storms out of the room. That is one dysfunctional, dicked up marriage.

Sue Ellen goes over to Cliff's apartment and coos in her weird raspy way about how she just had to see him. He reminds her that their sordid fling is over - but Sue Ellen says it'll never really be over, since it's very possible she's carrying his love spawn. Cliff admits he isn't wild about the thought of his baby being raised as a Ewing, but concedes that she belongs at Southfork...and that it royally sucks 'cause seeing her lookin' so sexy in his apartment makes the fact that he can't have her all the more difficult. Sue Ellen shoots him a saucy smile and takes off her coat...then unbuttons his shirt and caresses his face. Mmm hmm..

At breakfast the next morning, JR fibs to his family and tells everyone that Sue Ellen is MIA 'cause she's decided to spend some quality time with her mother and sister. Miss Ellie suggests inviting Mama Shepard and Kristin to the ranch, then tells Lucy it would be nice if she introduced Kristin to some kids her age. Lucy makes a blech face and says she's kinda busy indulging in her me time, and JR breezily assures her she needn't worry 'bout entertaining Kristin 'cause Mama Shepard already has her future all mapped out.

JR drops by Casa Shepard looking for Sue Ellen and is all, "Wha-a?" when her mother tells him she isn't here. She offers him a cup of coffee, and he reluctantly accepts and sinks into a sofa chair while she bustles over to the kitchen. Kristin (the pre-Mary Crosby version) sashays downstairs wearing light blue short shorts and a matching tank top. JR brazenly checks her out as she coquettishly leans over the coffee table to pick up a magazine and give him an eyeful of her lithe form. Mama Shepard re-enters the living room with the coffee and remarks to JR what a beautiful young woman Kristin has blossomed into, and he's like, "Mmm...yep" and gives his sister-in-law another creepy once-over. Mama Shepard says her remaining goal in life is to find Kristin a suitable [meaning rich] husband, such as himself. JR says the nymphet shouldn't have any problem landing a man, and Kristin plops herself onto the couch and shoots him an unmistakable come hither look...which, ew. 

Sue Ellen runs into Bobby as she leaves Southfork, suitcases in hand. She tells Bobby she's done putting up with JR's philandering...and when he implores her to think about the baby, she tears up and says that her pregnancy has driven them further apart. After a few minutes of further boring banter, she insists on high-tailing it off the ranch before JR gets home from work.

Later, JR asks Bobby if he's seen Sue Ellen, and Bobby tells him she left...and that she had two suitcases with her. JR tries to pretend that he just remembered Sue Ellen is spending the night at her mother's - but Bobby calls him out on his bullcack and says that Sue Ellen came right out and said she was leaving him because of his constant whore chasing. He says he offered to help, but JR snaps, "We don't need your help!" and stomps into the house.

JR makes a beeline over to the study and calls up his private investigator and orders him to put a tail on Sue Ellen. He wants to know where she goes and who she talks to.   

Sue Ellen arrives at her mother's house with her suitcases, and a startled Mama Shepard tells her that JR dropped by this morning looking for her. She lays it on thick about how awesome it is for her to be married to a wealthy man who's done so much for her...and that she can only hope her younger daughter will do as well with her choice of husband. Sue Ellen warns Kristin to be wary of their mother meddling in her personal life, but Kristin rolls her eyes and says that JR really doesn't seem all that bad. Sue Ellen complains that she's resigned to sleep without a man in her bed 'cause JR spends so much of his sack time boning a different woman every night, but an unfazed Mama Shepard shrugs and retorts, "Some men are like that, Sue Ellen. There are worse things to live with." Kristin concurs and says she'd have no problem with his chronic bed-hopping if it meant she got to live a pampered life on a fancy ranch. Mama Shepard sternly tells Sue Ellen that leaving her husband would be a terrible mistake, and reminds her that her baby is entitled to his birthright as a Ewing. When Sue Ellen lets out a bitter laugh at the uncertainty surrounding her baby's paternity, Kristin says she has no right to be ticked off about JR's cheating, 'cause it's unrealistic for her to expect to have exclusive rights to such a powerful horn-dog of a man.

Sue Ellen calls Cliff and arranges to meet him at his apartment, and he promises to be there at noon.

Jock storms into JR's office and gruffly demands to know whassup with Sue Ellen packing her bags and leaving the ranch. JR mumbles that she's being very unreasonable - but Jock snaps at him to stop whining, then rails about how freaked out Miss Ellie is about the possibility of her grandchild not being raised at Southfork. Egads! He barks that he won't stand for anymore foolishness, then orders JR to do whatever it takes to convince Sue Ellen to move back home. A subdued looking JR replies, "Yes daddy" and stares shame-faced at the floor.
[Stray observation: JR's tendency to revert to a meek twelve year old whenever he does something to displease his grizzled father is as weird as the way Jock gets wigged out by anything that might rock Miss Ellie's world.]

Sue Ellen arrives at Cliff's apartment and tells him she's done a lot of soul searching about the miserable state of her sham of a marriage and has come to the conclusion that she no longer wants to be married to a man-whore. She asks Cliff if he's still willing to be her backup - 'cause heaven forbid she live a moment of her life without a man to support her - and Cliff mulls that over and says he wonders if she could truly be happy without Ewing money, prestige, and all the perks of living at Southfork. Highly doubtful, IMO. He says there's no way he could provide her with that kind of lifestyle, and Sue Ellen assures him she's totes down with that and will try her hardest to live life as a non-gold digger. 

JR's private investigator drops by Ewing Oil to report his findings. He solemnly tells JR that Sue Ellen has been spending most of her time at a certain man's apartment...and when JR asks who this man is, the investigator mutely hands him a file, and then discreetly steps out of punching range. JR reads it and contorts his face in a look of shock and rage. He says he never would have figured that Sue Ellen had the chutzpah to hit the sheets with his sworn enemy...but since she has, it's officially time for him to do something about Cliff Barnes. 

Pam drops by Cliff's apartment to deliver his fancy new suit. She sniffs the air in his living room and says she smells ladies perfume...then finds a scarf on the floor, recognizes it as Sue Ellen's, and asks him what she was doing here. Cliff grabs the scarf and says it's none of her business, and pretends he was merely helping Sue Ellen locate the teenager whose baby she wanted to adopt in the Black Market Baby episode. Pam doesn't buy the lame fib and admonishes him for messing around with a married woman - who, on top of everything, is pregnant. Cliff mumbles, "Uh, yeah...she told me" then bellows at his sister to get the hell out of his apartment. 

Pam returns to Southfork and pours herself a stiff drink, babbling to Bobby about how she always just assumed that the Ewings were the bad guys, while the Barnes were the good guys - but now realizes that things aren't so cut and dried. Bobby asks her what the hell she's talking about, so she nonsensically tells him she unwittingly found herself on the same side as JR in the show's tedious Ewing/Barnes feud. She then suggests they eat out tonight, 'cause she's not in the mood for a Ewing family dinner. Bobby agrees and says maybe she can talk about what's bothering her - but hopefully in a less muddled fashion.

Cliff receives the scaled model of the proposed development in south Dallas from Mr. Maxwell, who had it delivered to his office as a reminder of how badly they want him to take the Land Management Bureau job. Cliff frowns and remarks to his secretary that he doesn't appreciate this added pressure.

JR arrives at Cliff's office to confront him about hitting the sheets with his wife. He tells him that Sue Ellen is far too expensive a gold digger for a cheap little pauper such as himself...and when Cliff points out that she may be carrying his love spawn, JR insists it doesn't matter, 'cause either way the baby will be raised as a Ewing. He then threatens to blab to anyone who's interested about his sordid affair with a married woman, a scandal that would effectively kibosh any chance of him ever being elected to public office. He smugly urges Cliff to come clean with Sue Ellen about how his future political career means a lot more to him than a relationship with her.

JR heads over to Casa Shepard...and Mama Shepard invites him in and clucks about how sorry she is that he and Sue Ellen are having marital problems. A few minutes later, Sue Ellen comes downstairs and asks what the hell he's doing here, and he tells her he wants her back at Southfork, pronto, and that he's willing to overlook her icky affair with Cliff. Sue Ellen haughtily tells him that she is not willing to overlook his indiscretions, and then he gets all snarly-psychopath and threatens to bring her to a hospital, force her to get an abortion, then tell everyone it was a miscarriage. I highly doubt he could find a doctor who'd agree to go along with that. What would follow, JR continues to snarl, is the messiest divorce she's ever seen, and she'd come out of it without a penny. Sue Ellen refuses to cower at the threat and insists she's leaving him for Cliff...and JR smirkily challenges her to see just how far Cliff is willing to go for her. Sue Ellen shoots him a hate-filled stink-eye and storms out of the house.

Sue Ellen meets up with Cliff in a public park and begs him to tell her that JR was wrong about his willingness to fight for their love. Cliff sheepishly mutters, "You can't fight city hall" ... and that while he loves her in his own way, JR "convinced" him that he can't have a relationship with her and the political career he wants one day. He mutters, "Sorry", and she tears up and says, "So am I" and sadly shuffles off. She heads toward her car and is startled to see JR parked nearby...and he orders her to get in, tells her that her mother packed her suitcases for her, and that he'll arrange for someone to drive her car back to Southfork. Sue Ellen throws in the towel on her short-lived rebellion and silently gets into the passenger seat and glares at him. He smugly tells her they're going to go home and have a nice family dinner, during which she can regale everyone about the wonderful overnight visit she just had with her mother and sister. 

Cliff calls Mr. Maxwell to tell him that he's accepting the job as head of the Land Management Bureau 'cause he likes the idea of having a quasi-powerful job approving land projects. After he hangs up, he says to himself/the viewers/no one in particular, "How's that for playing the game?" In a word, Cliff: lame.