Recap: JR and Tina Louise are sipping wine and leisurely strolling along a boardwalk overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. Tina Louise asks JR if it bothers him that she betrayed him to Cliff in the Spy in the House episode, but he quickly changes the subject and mutters about how it's time for lunch. When Tina Louise presses the issue, JR breezily says that the betrayal is in the past, and that he has no urge to discuss it...however, what he does want to discuss is how well Cliff stacks up to him in the sack. Tina Louise giggles at that disturbing comparison as he leans in for a smooch.
It's Cliff's first day on the job as chief of the Land Management Bureau. As Mr. Maxwell toasts to his success, Cliff asks him if he has any immediate instructions to re-zone something, then mutters about how cognizant he is about having sold his soul to the devil when he agreed to take this job. Mr. Maxwell tells him it's not that bad, then reminds him that he now has the power to make a certain oilman very uncomfortable. He concedes that, yeah, he may ask him favors from time to time...but in exchange for that bit of soul selling, he's otherwise free to use the full power of his office to bury JR Ewing.
Cliff calls Southfork to invite Pam and Bobby to dinner - and we see that Cliff's phone has been tapped by JR's private investigator, Dan Marsh, and that he's eavesdropping on the conversation from a nearby surveillance van. Pam is standoffish toward her brother 'cause it's only been two episodes since she learned he was having an affair with Sue Ellen. Cliff's only defence is, "I'm a man, it happens" then says he'd really really like to treat her and Bobby to dinner. Pam tells him she'll check with Bobby and get back to him later.
Bobby and Ray are going over the floor plans for Ray's new house on his newly acquired plot of Southfork land - but Ray is in a glum mood and tells Bobby he's lost interest in the project 'cause the idea of living alone holds no appeal for him. He says he's still pissed off at JR for boning his honey, Garnet, in the Triangle episode, then snarls, "Makes my blood run cold." He bitches about how JR messes around with too many lives, and warns that one day it's going to catch up to him. Like maybe in the form of a cliffhanger shooting. Bobby reminds Ray that Garnet wasn't exactly an unwilling participant when she and JR hit the sheets, and Ray concedes that she was an opportunistic hussy...then shifts the conversation to the investigation around Section 40 of Southfork, and the snarly way JR forbade him to look into the oil crew he suspects of doing some mysterious, unauthorized work. Bobby solemnly asks him if Jock knows about this, but Ray says no, and that he wants some hard facts before he tattles to the old man. He says he learned that a roughneck named Charlie Waters was on that crew...and that he's sure it's somehow linked to a nefarious scheme of JR's. Bobby mulls that over and offers to help him locate Charlie Waters.
Cliff is convening a meeting with his staff - a group of middle aged white men - at the Land Management Bureau...and is pretending as though he has no intention of letting his personal feelings for the Ewings impact how he'll run this office. When one of the men - O'Neill - calls him out on his bullcack by pointing out that the Ewings practically stole the State Senate race from him, Cliff asks him to "pretend to be a vengeful me" and prepare a dossier on Ewing Oil.
JR and Tina Louise are lounging by the fireplace in their romantic hideaway. JR says he's going to rent a helicopter tomorrow to check on some of Ewing Oil's offshore platforms...and Tina Louise chides him for focusing on business during their sexcation. She remarks that she's surprised she's been able to keep him away from business this long, and he tenderly tells her she's the first woman who's ever had the power to do that. A few seconds later, he gets a call from O'Neill, who informs him that Cliff has tasked him with putting together a dossier on Ewing Oil. JR chuckles and says he'll be sure to keep the traitor supplied with bribe money so he remains loyal to the Ewing cause, then hangs up and laughingly tells Tina Louise that Cliff is making waves again.
Pam arrives at a restaurant and joins Cliff at his table. She apologizes for being late and tells him she got hung up at work...then tut-tuts him again for carrying on an affair with Sue Ellen. He assures her it's over, then asks if Bobby will be joining them. She says he is, and that she didn't spill the beans to him about his affair with Sue Ellen...'cause what would be the point, now that that uninteresting storyline has been fully played out. A few seconds later, Bobby arrives and cheerfully says hello to his brother-in-law and asks whassup. Cliff outright tells him he's using his new job to investigate the Ewings, then warns Bobby that his hands better be clean. Bobby just smiles back at him in his usual bland way and looks unconcerned.
JR drops off Tina Louise at her apartment, kisses her goodbye, then heads home to Southfork. As she unpacks her bags, she notices that her apartment has been searched - but in a subtle, non-ransacky kind of way. She chuckles knowingly and says, "You'll never find it, JR. 'Cause you don't know where to look."
Ray enters a seedy bar and announces to the bartender that he's looking for a roughneck named Charlie Waters...and a few seconds later, the roughneck - plus two additional roughnecks - appears behind him. Charlie snarls at Ray for not knowing when to quit nosing in his bidness, then orders him to step outside for an ass-kicking. As he grabs at Ray, Ray starts punching him...and soon all four men are rolling around in a giant bar brawl.
When Pam and Bobby return to the ranch after dinner, they encounter a bruised and bloodied Ray, who asks to speak to Bobby alone. He tells Bobby he had a run-in with Charlie Waters and two of his thugs, and that he suspects Charlie knows exactly what went down in Section 40. Bobby urges him to keep a lid on his suspicions until they know more about this tedious subplot.
Cliff is having lunch at a low budget cafeteria when he sees Tina Louise sitting at one of the tables. He joins her and asks her if this encounter is a coincidence or some sleazy undercover work she's doing for JR, then says he assumes she's resumed her affair with the philandering scoundrel. Tina Louise breezily says he's not that bad, and that she only chose this cafeteria to lunch in 'cause she has a job interview across the street. Cliff says he's surprised she's not working for Ewing Oil, then waxes on about how gorgeous and sexy she is...and invokes her inside knowledge of where JR's skeletons are buried. He says, "I'm ready to buy what you have to sell" and she saucily tells him he doesn't have the price, and that she now regrets how cheaply she sold out to him in Season 1. Cliff says, "JR hasn't hurt you badly enough this time" and Tina Louise declines to say anything further and asks Cliff to go buy her a tray of food so she can keep her mouth occupied and be less likely to spill any Ewing secrets. Meanwhile, Willie Joe Garr (one of JR's hillbilly associates) is also in the cafeteria, covertly watching the two from several tables away.
Charlie Waters informs JR that he and Ray got into a bar fight yesterday, and an irked JR reminds him he was supposed to have absconded to Midland by now. He hands the dumbfuck a wad of cash and orders him to get out of the country, pronto.
Bobby gets a phone call from a friend named Alex and asks him if he knows a roughneck named Charlie Waters...and at that moment, Jock happens to amble into the study. Bobby is dismayed to learn that Charlie has fled to Mexico...and when he finishes the call, Jock asks him why he's asking about a jerk like Charlie Waters. When Bobby pretends he's helping a friend put a crew together, Jock tells him he fired Charlie Waters five years ago for stealing a truckload of tools. Bobby looks stricken and says he'll warn his friend about the thief.
JR summons Willie Joe Garr and Jeb Ames to his office so he can express his annoyance about their insistence that he test the land on Section 40 for oil. He says he just had to pay a roughneck to get out of the country 'cause he couldn't keep his mouth shut about being on the Section 40 crew. He then changes the subject to some good news: their drilling site on the panhandle turned out to be a gusher, and is expected to churn out 10,000 barrels of oil a day. After the three high-five each other, Willie Joe reports to JR that he saw Tina Louise eating lunch with Cliff the other day, but JR looks unconcerned about any possible collusion...however, once the two men leave, JR calls Dan Marsh and orders him to put a tail on Tina Louise.
JR drops in on Tina Louise for a booty call. She complains that she has a life (though not much of one from what I can tell) and can't just be available to him whenever. JR flippantly says she's welcome to get a boyfriend, as long as she leaves some time for him...and somehow this gets Tina Louise in the mood for some lovin', and the two hit the sheets. Post coitus, JR tells her he heard about her lunching with Cliff the other day, then suggests she put their friendship to good use...and by good use, he means collect valuable intel for him while she and Cliff are pillow-talking. Tina Louise looks appalled and asks him if he's actually suggesting that she doink Cliff for the purpose of spying for Ewing Oil, and JR's like, "Well, d'yuh" and laughingly says, "I'm not the jealous type." He then finishes getting dressed and exits the apartment, leaving Tina Louise staring after him with an expression of hurt and bewilderment.
Bobby storms into the study while JR is on the phone getting his nightly surveillance update from Dan Marsh. Bobby reminds him that he promised to look into the tampered oil well on Section 40 and wants to know what he uncovered. JR tries to deflect answering that loaded question by telling Bobby the good news about the gusher on the panhandle - but Bobby steers the conversation back to Section 40 and tells him that Ray's covert investigation uncovered the name Charlie Waters. JR pretends he's never heard the name before, but Bobby angrily accuses him of ordering Ray to stay out of it, then demands to know why Charlie Waters suddenly left for Mexico. JR fake cringes and asks Bobby if he's going to punch him...and when Bobby throws in the towel on the conversation and says no, JR tells him it's time to join the rest of the family for dinner.
A sad looking Tina Louise calls Cliff, but gets his answering machine. She leaves a message - which Dan Marsh listens in on - about how she knows where JR's skeletons are buried, and that she's been hurt by him enough and is now willing to talk about price. She retrieves a piece of paper she has taped to the bottom of her jewelry box, puts it in an envelop and addresses it, then runs out to the hall and mails it. Dan Marsh quickly calls Jeb Ames and replays the message that Tina Louise just left for Cliff and tells him he needs to put a stop to the troublemaker, like pronto.
Cliff returns home, plays his answering machine, and rushes out the door.
Jeb storms over to Tina Louise's apartment and tells her it's time to leave Dallas, now that she's trying to make a deal with Cliff in order to intentionally screw over JR. He gives her five minutes to pack, and she goes into her bedroom, pulls out her suitcase...but then slips out a conveniently located back door that leads straight to the hall. After waiting for the elevator, she hears Jeb exit her back door and runs over to the stairwell...but panics when she sees Willie Joe standing several flights below. She changes direction and runs up to the roof...and by this time, both Willie Joe and Jeb are in close pursuit.
Tina Louise reaches the roof of her building and hides behind a wall - just as Cliff arrives at her apartment building. He sees her apartment door wide open, then steps inside and calls her name...and looks perplexed when he gets no answer.
Tina Louise presses herself against the wall, looking as terrified as she can muster. Jeb eventually spots her and chases her...and eventually the two men get close enough to grab her. She wails, "You're going to kill me!" and struggles against their grip...and as she's doing that, she somehow flings herself several feet backwards, then into the air, and does an acrobatic front-flip off the side of the roof before landing - splat! - onto the pavement below.
Jock enters the dining room as the family gathers for their compulsory 6:00pm dinner. He opens the local paper and notices the headline, Murder or Suicide? above a photo of Tina Louise. He's all, "Wha-a?!" and announces to everyone that Tina Louise is dead. JR springs up from his chair and rushes around the table so he can check out the article. He then leaves the dining room, ashen-faced, to read the paper alone. A few seconds later, Bobby trails into the study after him and asks if there's anything he can do 'cause he knows how much the tart meant to him in the sack, but JR just snarks that he wants to be alone.
Detective McSween and Lieutenant Sutton drop by Cliff's apartment to request that he accompany them downtown for questioning. Cliff stares at them in blank confusion, so one of the officers informs him that Tina Louise is dead, and accusingly adds that he was seen leaving her apartment last night.
Dan Marsh plays for JR the phone machine message that Tina Louise left for Cliff, and JR says that clearly this implies that Cliff killed her. Dan reminds him that the tape can't be used as evidence, since it was obtained illegally...so JR mulls that over for a few seconds, then calls up Detective McSween to inform him that Cliff has an answering machine in his apartment...and that "there's no telling who could have left a message on it". McSween sarcastically replies that it's good to have such public spirited servants like him around...but agrees to get right on that, since it's safe to assume that he's on some kind of bribery instalment plan so he stays helpful to the Ewings.
Sutton and McSween play Cliff's phone message back to him, then read him his rights and arrest him for murder...despite the absence of actual evidence that he committed the crime, and the fact that Tina Louise's phone message implicates JR far more than it does Cliff.
Pam arrives at the jailhouse to see Cliff. She asks him why they picked him up, so he explains that he had stopped by Tina Louise's apartment last night after receiving a phone message from her. He says he's sure that JR tapped his phone after learning about his affair with Sue Ellen, and correctly assumes that he was the one who tipped off the police so they'd know to listen to his answering machine.
Pam storms back to Southfork and into the study, where the family is gathered for their before-dinner drinks ritual. She tells everyone that JR is the reason Cliff is in jail, and JR snaps back that he's in jail because he killed someone. Pam snarls that he knows damn well that that's not true, then accuses him of framing Cliff and tapping his phone. When JR warns her about making such a serious accusation, she starts railing about how the Ewing empire is built on a turd-filled mound of deceit and theft, and that they're all a pile of rotten shitbags. Jock gets angry and gruffly barks, "That's enough of that, Pam!" so she storms upstairs to pack and is followed by Bobby, who begs her not to leave and says that running away won't help. Pam says she could use a break from this claustrophobic cesspool of a ranch for awhile, then ominously adds, "I don't know if I can be married to a Ewing." Bobby implores her to not let these problems affect their marriage, but she insists she needs time alone.
As Pam drives off, JR and Sue Ellen stand on the patio and stare after her car. JR shrugs dismissively and says, "That's no loss" and Sue Ellen glares at him and asks what kind of man he is, standing by while Cliff faces prison time or possibly the death penalty. JR coldly says he deserves it if he's guilty, but Sue Ellen says the only reason he hates Cliff so much is 'cause he got it on with her behind his back. JR's like, "Whatever" and orders her to get back to the dining room, 'cause Jock might have a conniption if the family (sans Pam) doesn't eat their dinner at the prescribed Southfork dinner time.
Recap: Most of this episode is taken up with Tina Louise's superfluous guest appearance as Julie Grey, former Ewing Oil secretary and betrayer. As she lounges around her modest apartment (soon after moving back to Dallas), she calls up the Cattleman's Club and asks her old pal Victor, the maître d', to give her a heads up next time he happens to see Jock Ewing dining at the restaurant.
On Sunday morning, Bobby and Pam run into Jock as they head off to play tennis. Jock tells Bobby there are a few stray cattle that need to be herded back to the stables, but Bobby tells him he already took care of that...and adds that he didn't dare wake him up early on a Sunday morning for fear of invoking Miss Ellie's wrath. Jock grunts something unintelligible in reply, then says they're going to have to move the entire herd to a new grazing area. Bobby says he's already on it, and that he instructed Ray to take care of it first thing tomorrow morning.
Over in the study, Miss Ellie and Sue Ellen are hosting a Daughters of the Alamo meeting. The women are gabbling about how they're usually apolitical...except, of course, when they're dutifully supporting their husbands' positions. A feisty woman in the group makes a face and asks, "What about our positions? Our opinions?" - hee! You go, sister! - just as Jock ambles into the room to pour himself a drink and ask whassup. Miss Ellie snaps, "Just soda, Jock", and Feisty cheekily informs him, "We're plotting the revolution." Jock asks if their husbands know about this, and Feisty tells him that her husband is too busy to care, given that he and JR are currently locked in a closed door meeting on a Sunday afternoon. Miss Ellie urges Jock to [go away and] lay down and promises to call him when dinner's ready.
Lucy is hanging by the pool with a group of friends...and when one of her friends clumsily crashes into the barbecue, Jock appears out of nowhere and starts to move it out of the way. Lucy chides him about straining his tired old body and gets one of her husky male friends to move the barbecue, and Jock frowns unhappily.
As the family happily gabbles about their day, Jock stares broodily into space. When he reaches for the salt, Miss Ellie tut tuts him like he's a five year old and reminds him that the doctor told him no salt. Jock frowns in annoyance, then changes the subject and asks JR how his meeting with Feisty's husband went. JR mutters about how there's some oil plugged up on the panhandle...then breezily says to not worry his pretty little head about it. Jock tells him he'd like to be at the next meeting, then mentions that he also needs to make an appointment with his lawyer to update his will so that Sue Ellen's and JR's/Cliff's..? spawn is included as a beneficiary. When JR cautions him about overdoing it, he snaps, "Damn it! I'm not an invalid!" and says he refuses to take orders from anyone. He gruffly declares that he's damn well attending tomorrow's meeting so that he can offer up his outmoded ideas to help solve the oil problem...then angrily shuffles out of the dining room.
A group of white oil men are gathered in JR's office, discussing the plugged up oil well situation. The men discuss fracking, 'cause of how efficient [not to mention awesome for the environment] it is, but Jock suggests it might be better to inject the wells with a little nitrogen. JR disagrees and says that fracking is a faster, cheaper option...and when the rest of the men concur, an irked Jock throws in the towel and exits the office. He asks one of the secretaries to book him his favorite corner table at the Cattleman's Club, then dejectedly heads out.
Tina Louise gets a call from Victor, who informs her that Jock Ewing has just made a lunch reservation. She cackles gleefully, then exclaims to Jock as if he were standing in front of her, "You're in for a surprise!"
Cattleman's Club. Tina Louise approaches Jock at his table and tentatively asks, "Remember me?" and Jock nods and invites her to join him. She tells him that she just moved back to Dallas after living in New York, then apologizes for her part in the betrayal of Ewing Oil of favor of Cliff Barnes storyline... and Jock just kind of shrugs and concedes that the Ewings have also done some pretty nasty shit to Cliff over the years. The two order lunch, along with a bottle of champagne...and Jock clutches Tina Louise's hand and welcomes her back to Dallas.
Three hours later, Jock and Tina Louise are the only customers left in the Cattleman's Club, deeply immersed in conversation. She tells him she didn't like New York and missed her friends in Dallas, and Jock fills her in about Sue Ellen's pregnancy and says he's looking forward to gruffly romping around the ranch with his grandson. He lights up a cigar and chuckles about how Miss Ellie would blow a gasket if she ever saw him smoking, then sadly adds, "I don't do much of anything lately." Tina Louise wanks him about how virile and strong he still is, but Jock grumbles about how most of his life is behind him now - while she, on the other hand, has everything ahead of her. She flashes him a coquettish smile and says she hasn't been this happy in a long time, then announces that she's off to do some shopping. Jock perks up and asks her if she'd like company, and she chirps, "I'd love it!"
It's 6:30pm, and Miss Ellie is wringing her hands with worry 'cause Jock hasn't returned home yet. She wails, "I can't imagine what he's spending the entire day doing!" a few seconds before Jock breezes through the door, his arms filled with shopping bags. He ignores the wigged out look on Miss Ellie's face and casually asks, "What's for dinner?"
The next day, Jock meets up with Tina Louise for lunch, and the two chit-chat about her upcoming job interview (he offers to put in a good word to the prospective boss, she declines and says she'd like to do it on her own). Bobby and Pam enter the restaurant, quickly spot the two, then stare at each other and are all, "Wha-at's going on?" and make a beeline over to their table. Bobby shoots Tina Louise a brazen look of disdain, so she hastily explains that Jock has forgiven her for her betrayal in Season 1 and hopes that he will too. Bobby politely says, "Of course", and a happy looking Jock tells him he's planning to stop by Ewing Oil later for an impromptu meeting. As he and Tina Louise stroll off together, Bobby changes his default blank expression to one of grave concern.
Ewing Oil. Bobby blabs to JR that he saw Jock and Tina Louise eating lunch together, and that he just tried to reach Jock at Southfork but was told he isn't home yet. JR furrows his brows suspiciously...and when Bobby says he doubts that their grizzled daddy would mess around with another woman - 'cause eww the visual - JR says he's only human, and that he wouldn't put it past Tina Louise to lure the old man into the sack to carve out a 'sugar daddy/kept woman' dynamic.
Jock escorts Tina Louise to her apartment and tells her that he's greatly enjoying their three hours lunches. He suddenly realizes he missed his meeting with Bobby, then chuckles and tells her she's the first woman who's ever made him miss an appointment. She gives him a squeeze, gushes about what a good friend he is, and the two arrange to get together the next day.
When Jock arrives home that evening, Bobby and JR tell him that his daily excursions into the city are causing Miss Ellie angst and therefore have to stop...and Jock tells them to go pee up a rope and that since he's a grown fucking man he has no intention of answering to them about his personal business or comings/goings. JR (pot) snidely says he's pretty sure he knows what this "personal business" is all about, and Jock (kettle) snaps at him for being a disrespectful little snot. Miss Ellie appears on the patio and asks Jock why he didn't call, and he tells her he had a lovely day and that she needn't fret every time he spends a few hours away from the ranch. After the two go inside, JR covertly tells Bobby he's pretty sure that the old man is getting is getting his wick dipped.
Tina Louise receives a flower delivery with a card that reads Welcome home, pretty lady...and a few seconds later, JR appears at her front door to make sure she knows that he was the sender. She looks less than thrilled to see him and says, "I figured you'd turn up" ... and he invites himself inside, pours himself a drink, and gives her a from-behind hug while telling her he's missed her. She tells him she heard about Sue Ellen's pregnancy, then asks him what he's doing here...and he gets all pissy and asks, "What are you doing with my daddy?" She admits that her initial motivation in befriending Jock was to bring him (JR) running...but after a few marathon lunches and shopping excursions, she realized she actually enjoys the old man's company. She says he's lonely and has a wife who treats him like a child and a family that treats him like an invalid...then contorts her face all pouty-like and purrs, "I treat him like a man." She chuckles and tauntingly tells JR she knows he's probably worried about the red file, and that Jock would be royally pissed if he ever learned that he tampered with his will 'cause he wants to turn Southfork into an oil field once the old man dies. She then pronounces to JR that things are different now...and that she's no longer going to sit around, waiting for him to drop by every now and then for a quickie. JR accuses her of taking advantage of Jock, and she shoots back, "He's twice the man you ever were" ... and a miffed looking JR says he hasn't yet gotten what he came for. Tina Louise sternly retorts, "And you're not going to!", but JR argues that sooner or later he always gets what he wants, then stalks out of the apartment.
Jock returns to the house after a morning run and tells JR he's tired of sitting around the ranch and wants to go back to work. JR snarkishly asks him if that's his idea or Tina Louise's...and when Jock's all, "Wuh?" JR warns him to stay away from the woman 'cause she's nothing but trouble. Jock insists that they're just friends, but JR says it's impossible for a woman that inherently sultry to remain just friends with any man. He calls her dirt and says the only thing she's interested in is "money and more money", and Jock snaps, "She's a fine lady!" and stubbornly insists on continuing their lunches and day trips to the mall. He storms into the house and runs into Miss Ellie, who concernedly asks him what he and JR were arguing about. When he refuses to fill her in, she goes out to the patio to ask JR whassup with all the arguing, and he comes right out and says, "We have a problem." He tells her that Jock has been lunching and shopping with Tina Louise, his hot new gal pal, and Miss Ellie looks appalled and upset at the revelation, then orders him to never speak of this to anyone ever again.
Jock is getting himself all dolled up when Miss Ellie enters the bedroom and says they need to talk. He's like, "No can do" and tells her he's heading into town. She asks him what he does all day in the city, and he says it doesn't concern her...and that when they got married, he made it clear that he was going to err on the side of being a rude dickwad of a husband and not answer to her about anything. Ever. He gives her a tiny peck on the lips and heads out...and Miss Ellie stares after him sadly, then goes over to the phone to summon Tina Louise to Southfork for a stern, woman-to-woman talkin' to.
Tina Louise tells the Ewing matriarch that, despite her very milquetoasty aura, she's rather intimidated to be in the same room with her. She assures her that she and Jock are strictly platonic friends...and that all they do is shop, lunch, get mannies/peddies, and generally make each other feel needed. Miss Ellie looks stricken by the admission and orders her to stop spending time with her husband immediately. Tina Louise goes, "Why?" then says, according to Jock, whenever he's home he's constantly being nagged about overdoing it...whereas to her, he's The Great Jock Ewing, and it means a lot to her to have his friendship. She challenges Miss Ellie to deny that ever since they've started hanging out, Jock has seemed younger, higher energy, and a lot happier. Miss Ellie says she can't argue with any of that, then says it's precisely why their non-affair is a lot more serious than she first thought.
Jock is at a jewelry store, shopping for something glittery to give to Tina Louise. He then stops by Ewing Oil for no real purpose and gets lectured by Bobby for spending so much time with his new girlfriend. Jock gruffly insists that he's not cheating on Miss Ellie, and that his personal life is none of his business...and a few minutes later, Miss Ellie arrives at Ewing Oil to try to settle this dull-as-fuck platonic dating situation. She tells Jock she spoke with Tina Louise earlier and wants their friendship to stop asap. She says she realizes they aren't hitting the sheets or anything...but since Tina Louise is so young and impossibly sexy, she knows that things wouldn't stay platonic forever. She then reminds him that dinner at Southfork is served every night at 6pm and insists that he be there...but he defiantly tells her he has other plans, then makes a beeline for the exit. Miss Ellie stares after him looking startled and teary.
Dinner at Southfork is quiet and awkward, and everyone keeps glancing over at Jock's empty chair. Lucy asks to be excused from the table so she can pretend to study, then makes a break for it. JR finally snaps and says he's had enough of this awkwardness. He says they all know that Jock is hanging with Tina Louise right now, then demands to know what Miss Ellie is going to do about it. Miss Ellie admonishes him for meddling in her marriage, says she'll manage her life as she sees fit, then flees the dining room in tears. An incensed Bobby grabs JR by the collar and tells him to butt out of their mother's life, and Pam's all, "Ack!" and grabs Bobby, then drags him away from JR before any punching can occur.
Miss Ellie is sitting on her bed, staring sadly into space. Pam drops by her room to give her a quick pep talk and remind her about the disturbing story she once told her about needing to horse-whip Jock into submission when he dragged his feet about proposing to her after he knocked her up. She asks, "What happened to that [psychotic] woman?" and Miss Ellie smiles her dumb vacant smile and says, "She's here" and gives Pam a quick hug before exiting the room.
Jock is over at Tina Louise's apartment, being served a snack. He grimly tells her he's not very hungry, and that he probably shouldn't have dropped by since he's such lousy company. He hands her a small box...and she opens it, squeals at the pretty necklace inside, and happily puts it around her neck. She then puts her solemn face on and asks him if this is a goodbye present, and he just kind of shrugs and says he has no idea why he purchased it. He tells her that their friendship has meant a lot to him - but that the producers have zero intention of stretching this asexual, May-December yawnfest into another episode. Tina Louise nods sympathetically and says it's understandable, then urges him to toddle off home. He nods and says, "I'll call you tomorrow", but Tina Louise quickly says, "No you won't" ... and Jock pauses to stare at her for a few seconds, mutely agrees, then leaves the apartment.
Miss Ellie exits a taxi in front of Tina Louise's apartment building and encounters Jock while on his way out. He wryly asks her if she has her horse-whip with her...and when she [jokingly, but probably not] asks him if he just did something that requires a whipping, he quickly says no. Jock apologizes for latching onto a pretty young woman and hanging with her for so much of the episode, and Miss Ellie says it probably wasn't all his fault...and then the two hug, kiss, and climb into his car together. JR, meanwhile, is watching the tender moment from across the street...and when his parents are safely out of viewing range, he enters the apartment building and knocks on Tina Louise's door. When she answers, she irritably reminds him she ordered him to stay away...and he responds by barging in, pinning her against the wall, and forcibly kissing her. She cries, "I don't want you!" - but then a few seconds later looks really into the forcible kissing.
Recap: Sue Ellen gets a call from her mother...and, hey, it's the same actress who plays Steve Austin's mom on The Bionic Woman! Mama Shepard hints (not so subtly) about wanting an invitation to Southfork - mostly so Kristin can mingle with eligible, high society Texas men. Sue Ellen promises to do her best to help her nymphet sister land a rich husband, but looks less than thrilled by the request.
Pam is at the department store where she works, helping Cliff get fitted for a new three piece suit so he can look more suave at the office.
Sue Ellen is in Forth Worth, lunching with her gal pals after attending the grand opening of a new hospital wing. The gals gush that pregnancy agrees with her, then ask if JR is playing the "proud papa". Sue Ellen attempts to radiate as much of a fake pregnancy glow as she can muster and says, yep, he's sooooo excited. One of the gals says she hopes that JR will slow down at Ewing Oil, given that he has a reputation of being very devoted to his work...and Sue Ellen concurs and says he went to Austin for the day to close an important deal, but is expected to return home later this evening.
Cliff is in a meeting, being wooed by a Mr. Maxwell and two other old white men who seem very eager to appoint him as head of the Land Management Bureau. They explain that the position carries considerable weight 'cause he'll get to approve all land use projects, e.g. drilling, building, and ranching. Cliff worries that accepting the appointment will mean having to sell his soul in some way...and the men are like, "Well d'yuh" and show him a scaled model of their future vision of south Dallas, which will entail removing all the poor people who currently live in the area by condemning their unsightly low cost housing. Cliff says he can't possibly sell himself out that way, thanks them for considering him for the job, and stalks out of the room. The three men glance at each other and look visibly disappointed, but agree to continue trying to get Cliff to accept the appointment 'cause apparently no one else will do.
Sue Ellen and her gal pals walk across the hotel lobby...and Sue Ellen is aghast when she sees JR, arm in arm with a gorgeous woman. One of her friends remarks on how much the man looks like JR [I couldn't quite tell if she was playing it straight or being sarcastic], and Sue Ellen just stares into space with a look of total mortification on her face.
That evening, JR enters the bedroom and finds Sue Ellen throwing back a stiff drink. He tells her she prolly shouldn't be drinking while pregnant...but since it's the '70s, he promptly drops the issue [sucks to be you, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome afflicted spawn]. Sue Ellen sarcastically asks him how his trip to Austin went, then snarks about how tired she is of his lies. She explains that she was lunching with her friends in Fort Worth, bullcacking about what a proud papa he was going to be...and shortly afterwards saw him parade through the hotel lobby with his tramp du jour. JR chuckles and denies associating with tramps, and Sue Ellen admonishes him for not even having the grace to deny his philandering - not that she'd believe his lies anyway. She angrily declares, "I am not going to put up with this anymore. You have embarrassed me for the last time!" and orders him to stop jumping the bones of every fuckable woman who happens to stumble into his orbit. JR says, "Or what?" then tells her she should be grateful that he's willing to accept "the little bastard" she's passing off as his child, despite neither of them having a clue who the father is. Sue Ellen reminds him that he has no choice but to accept it, since there's a 50/50 chance the child could be his...then tells him he needs to change his ways and become the loving father-to-be she's been bragging to her gal pals he is. He asks, "And what will happen if I don't?" so she threatens to leave Southfork if he ever cheats on her again. JR says he enjoys his philandering lifestyle far too much to quit - about as much as she enjoys all the prestige and wealth that goes along with being Mrs. JR Ewing. He tells her to "get used to what is" 'cause no way in hell is he changing his bed-hopping ways. Sue Ellen shoots him the stink-eye and snarls, "Go straight to hell!" and storms out of the room. That is one dysfunctional, dicked up marriage.
Sue Ellen goes over to Cliff's apartment and coos in her weird raspy way about how she just had to see him. He reminds her that their sordid fling is over - but Sue Ellen says it'll never really be over, since it's very possible she's carrying his love spawn. Cliff admits he isn't wild about the thought of his baby being raised as a Ewing, but concedes that she belongs at Southfork...and that it royally sucks 'cause seeing her lookin' so sexy in his apartment makes the fact that he can't have her all the more difficult. Sue Ellen shoots him a saucy smile and takes off her coat...then unbuttons his shirt and caresses his face. Mmm hmm..
At breakfast the next morning, JR fibs to his family and tells everyone that Sue Ellen is MIA 'cause she's decided to spend some quality time with her mother and sister. Miss Ellie suggests inviting Mama Shepard and Kristin to the ranch, then tells Lucy it would be nice if she introduced Kristin to some kids her age. Lucy makes a blech face and says she's kinda busy indulging in her me time, and JR breezily assures her she needn't worry 'bout entertaining Kristin 'cause Mama Shepard already has her future all mapped out.
JR drops by Casa Shepard looking for Sue Ellen and is all, "Wha-a?" when her mother tells him she isn't here. She offers him a cup of coffee, and he reluctantly accepts and sinks into a sofa chair while she bustles over to the kitchen. Kristin (the pre-Mary Crosby version) sashays downstairs wearing light blue short shorts and a matching tank top. JR brazenly checks her out as she coquettishly leans over the coffee table to pick up a magazine and give him an eyeful of her lithe form. Mama Shepard re-enters the living room with the coffee and remarks to JR what a beautiful young woman Kristin has blossomed into, and he's like, "Mmm...yep" and gives his sister-in-law another creepy once-over. Mama Shepard says her remaining goal in life is to find Kristin a suitable [meaning rich] husband, such as himself. JR says the nymphet shouldn't have any problem landing a man, and Kristin plops herself onto the couch and shoots him an unmistakable come hither look...which, ew.
Sue Ellen runs into Bobby as she leaves Southfork, suitcases in hand. She tells Bobby she's done putting up with JR's philandering...and when he implores her to think about the baby, she tears up and says that her pregnancy has driven them further apart. After a few minutes of further boring banter, she insists on high-tailing it off the ranch before JR gets home from work.
Later, JR asks Bobby if he's seen Sue Ellen, and Bobby tells him she left...and that she had two suitcases with her. JR tries to pretend that he just remembered Sue Ellen is spending the night at her mother's - but Bobby calls him out on his bullcack and says that Sue Ellen came right out and said she was leaving him because of his constant whore chasing. He says he offered to help, but JR snaps, "We don't need your help!" and stomps into the house.
JR makes a beeline over to the study and calls up his private investigator and orders him to put a tail on Sue Ellen. He wants to know where she goes and who she talks to.
Sue Ellen arrives at her mother's house with her suitcases, and a startled Mama Shepard tells her that JR dropped by this morning looking for her. She lays it on thick about how awesome it is for her to be married to a wealthy man who's done so much for her...and that she can only hope her younger daughter will do as well with her choice of husband. Sue Ellen warns Kristin to be wary of their mother meddling in her personal life, but Kristin rolls her eyes and says that JR really doesn't seem all that bad. Sue Ellen complains that she's resigned to sleep without a man in her bed 'cause JR spends so much of his sack time boning a different woman every night, but an unfazed Mama Shepard shrugs and retorts, "Some men are like that, Sue Ellen. There are worse things to live with." Kristin concurs and says she'd have no problem with his chronic bed-hopping if it meant she got to live a pampered life on a fancy ranch. Mama Shepard sternly tells Sue Ellen that leaving her husband would be a terrible mistake, and reminds her that her baby is entitled to his birthright as a Ewing. When Sue Ellen lets out a bitter laugh at the uncertainty surrounding her baby's paternity, Kristin says she has no right to be ticked off about JR's cheating, 'cause it's unrealistic for her to expect to have exclusive rights to such a powerful horn-dog of a man.
Sue Ellen calls Cliff and arranges to meet him at his apartment, and he promises to be there at noon.
Jock storms into JR's office and gruffly demands to know whassup with Sue Ellen packing her bags and leaving the ranch. JR mumbles that she's being very unreasonable - but Jock snaps at him to stop whining, then rails about how freaked out Miss Ellie is about the possibility of her grandchild not being raised at Southfork. Egads! He barks that he won't stand for anymore foolishness, then orders JR to do whatever it takes to convince Sue Ellen to move back home. A subdued looking JR replies, "Yes daddy" and stares shame-faced at the floor.
[Stray observation: JR's tendency to revert to a meek twelve year old whenever he does something to displease his grizzled father is as weird as the way Jock gets wigged out by anything that might rock Miss Ellie's world.]
Sue Ellen arrives at Cliff's apartment and tells him she's done a lot of soul searching about the miserable state of her sham of a marriage and has come to the conclusion that she no longer wants to be married to a man-whore. She asks Cliff if he's still willing to be her backup - 'cause heaven forbid she live a moment of her life without a man to support her - and Cliff mulls that over and says he wonders if she could truly be happy without Ewing money, prestige, and all the perks of living at Southfork. Highly doubtful, IMO. He says there's no way he could provide her with that kind of lifestyle, and Sue Ellen assures him she's totes down with that and will try her hardest to live life as a non-gold digger.
JR's private investigator drops by Ewing Oil to report his findings. He solemnly tells JR that Sue Ellen has been spending most of her time at a certain man's apartment...and when JR asks who this man is, the investigator mutely hands him a file, and then discreetly steps out of punching range. JR reads it and contorts his face in a look of shock and rage. He says he never would have figured that Sue Ellen had the chutzpah to hit the sheets with his sworn enemy...but since she has, it's officially time for him to do something about Cliff Barnes.
Pam drops by Cliff's apartment to deliver his fancy new suit. She sniffs the air in his living room and says she smells ladies perfume...then finds a scarf on the floor, recognizes it as Sue Ellen's, and asks him what she was doing here. Cliff grabs the scarf and says it's none of her business, and pretends he was merely helping Sue Ellen locate the teenager whose baby she wanted to adopt in the Black Market Baby episode. Pam doesn't buy the lame fib and admonishes him for messing around with a married woman - who, on top of everything, is pregnant. Cliff mumbles, "Uh, yeah...she told me" then bellows at his sister to get the hell out of his apartment.
Pam returns to Southfork and pours herself a stiff drink, babbling to Bobby about how she always just assumed that the Ewings were the bad guys, while the Barnes were the good guys - but now realizes that things aren't so cut and dried. Bobby asks her what the hell she's talking about, so she nonsensically tells him she unwittingly found herself on the same side as JR in the show's tedious Ewing/Barnes feud. She then suggests they eat out tonight, 'cause she's not in the mood for a Ewing family dinner. Bobby agrees and says maybe she can talk about what's bothering her - but hopefully in a less muddled fashion.
Cliff receives the scaled model of the proposed development in south Dallas from Mr. Maxwell, who had it delivered to his office as a reminder of how badly they want him to take the Land Management Bureau job. Cliff frowns and remarks to his secretary that he doesn't appreciate this added pressure.
JR arrives at Cliff's office to confront him about hitting the sheets with his wife. He tells him that Sue Ellen is far too expensive a gold digger for a cheap little pauper such as himself...and when Cliff points out that she may be carrying his love spawn, JR insists it doesn't matter, 'cause either way the baby will be raised as a Ewing. He then threatens to blab to anyone who's interested about his sordid affair with a married woman, a scandal that would effectively kibosh any chance of him ever being elected to public office. He smugly urges Cliff to come clean with Sue Ellen about how his future political career means a lot more to him than a relationship with her.
JR heads over to Casa Shepard...and Mama Shepard invites him in and clucks about how sorry she is that he and Sue Ellen are having marital problems. A few minutes later, Sue Ellen comes downstairs and asks what the hell he's doing here, and he tells her he wants her back at Southfork, pronto, and that he's willing to overlook her icky affair with Cliff. Sue Ellen haughtily tells him that she is not willing to overlook his indiscretions, and then he gets all snarly-psychopath and threatens to bring her to a hospital, force her to get an abortion, then tell everyone it was a miscarriage. I highly doubt he could find a doctor who'd agree to go along with that. What would follow, JR continues to snarl, is the messiest divorce she's ever seen, and she'd come out of it without a penny. Sue Ellen refuses to cower at the threat and insists she's leaving him for Cliff...and JR smirkily challenges her to see just how far Cliff is willing to go for her. Sue Ellen shoots him a hate-filled stink-eye and storms out of the house.
Sue Ellen meets up with Cliff in a public park and begs him to tell her that JR was wrong about his willingness to fight for their love. Cliff sheepishly mutters, "You can't fight city hall" ... and that while he loves her in his own way, JR "convinced" him that he can't have a relationship with her and the political career he wants one day. He mutters, "Sorry", and she tears up and says, "So am I" and sadly shuffles off. She heads toward her car and is startled to see JR parked nearby...and he orders her to get in, tells her that her mother packed her suitcases for her, and that he'll arrange for someone to drive her car back to Southfork. Sue Ellen throws in the towel on her short-lived rebellion and silently gets into the passenger seat and glares at him. He smugly tells her they're going to go home and have a nice family dinner, during which she can regale everyone about the wonderful overnight visit she just had with her mother and sister.
Cliff calls Mr. Maxwell to tell him that he's accepting the job as head of the Land Management Bureau 'cause he likes the idea of having a quasi-powerful job approving land projects. After he hangs up, he says to himself/the viewers/no one in particular, "How's that for playing the game?" In a word, Cliff: lame.
Recap: Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie inspect one of the spare bedrooms at Southfork and agree that it would make a fantastic nursery. Sue Ellen says she can somehow sense that her love-spawn with Cliff is a boy, and that he'll be very lively and outgoing. JR pokes his head into the room and says he's off to work...then informs them he won't be able to meet up with them for lunch 'cause he's scheduled to give a speech at the Chamber of Commerce. Sounds like someone's got a planned nooner with a blonde mistress.
In an apartment across town, a painting is delivered to a redheaded grumpy pants named Garrison. After unwrapping it, he growls that the quality of the artwork is the shits...then grumbles to his pretty young female companion, Kathy, that it looks cartoonish. Kathy urges him to chillax and says the painting is lovely, and he quickly apologizes for being such a crotchety dickwad and says he knows squat about art. He then pronounces, "I'm going to take it to Ellie myself."
Ray reports to Jock that one of the ranch hands told him that a big truck was seen parked in Section 40 of the Southfork ranch. Jock's all, "Wuh?" and says they need to look into that, pronto.
Garrison and Kathy drop by Southfork and encounter Bobby when he answers the door. Garrison asks to speak to Mrs. Ewing - then has to specify Mrs. Ellie Ewing - and Bobby tells him she's out shopping. Garrison hands Bobby the cartoonish painting, and Bobby scrunches his face in confusion and asks him who the hell he is. Garrison retorts, "I'm someone Ellie knew a long time ago" and Bobby's like, "That's all?" and identifies himself as Ellie's son. Garrison sourly remarks that he looks a lot like Jock did in his younger days, then snorts and snarls about Ellie marrying "that hard-nosed wildcat". Bobby sternly tells him to watch the way he talks about his sainted daddy in his house, and Garrison growls, "His house..? I suppose it is" then stomps off and barks at Kathy to follow him.
Sue Ellen and Miss Ellie are downtown, shopping and discussing design ideas for the nursery. Sue Ellen excuses herself for a moment and scampers over to a nearby pay phone to covertly call Cliff. She asks him what his favorite color is, and he's like, "I dunno...blue, brown, grey" then finally asks, "Why?" so she tells him she's in the process of deciding on a color for the baby's nursery. Cliff mulls that over for a few seconds and decisively says, "Pale yellow", and Sue Ellen smiles and says, "Me too." Cliff tells her she probably shouldn't call him for stuff like this, and she says she can't help herself from wanting him to share in all of her baby joy.
A ranch hand confirms to Jock and Ray that he saw a tanker on Southfork's Section 40...and the two men head out there in Ray's truck. Jock says that this was where Bobby had wanted to build a shopping center during the Fallen Idol episode. ...and while they're glancing around the area, Ray spots a small pool of oil near a capped well. He lifts the well's lid and notes that the valve has been tampered with...and Jock scrunches his grizzled face perplexedly and says he has no idea what any of this means, but he's damn sure going to get to the bottom of it.
During the family's pre-dinner gathering, Jock tells JR that he and Ray found a pool of oil on Section 40, and that the well head had hammer marks all over it. JR does his best to look surprised and promises to look into it. Bobby tells Miss Ellie that she had a strange visitor earlier and that he left her a gift...and Miss Ellie's all, "Wuh?" and unwraps the painting. As everyone gathers around her to view it, she explains that it's a rendering of Southfork's old ranch house. A few seconds later the doorbell rings, and Bobby rushes to answer the door...and he's followed back to the sitting room by Garrison, who looms in the doorway. Miss Ellie stares at him in stunned silence, murmurs, "Garrison.." then says she thought he was dead. She then informs her bemused family that Garrison is her long lost brother.
Miss Ellie tearfully recounts that, for the last forty years, she assumed Garrison perished after the military ship he was serving on sunk in the middle of the ocean. Garrison says he got fed up with Southfork during the '30s - what with all the dust, dying cattle, and constant arguments with his father. He expresses remorse for faking his death and saddling his sister with the deteriorating conditions on the family's ranch...and Miss Ellie angrily wails, "How could you do that to me?!" then immediately backs down and gives him a hug. Garrison tells Jock he read about him and Ellie getting married, then says it must have been a giant blow to Digger Barnes. He asks if the old drunk is still kicking, and Pam chirps, "Yes, he is" and identifies herself as Digger's daughter. Garrison looks amused by that and asks Jock if he choked on that marriage, and Jock just shoots him the stink-eye. JR asks Garrison why he came back to Dallas, so he says that he and his good friend Kathy talked it over, decided that he missed the ranch, and that he wanted to see his sister again. JR asks him if Kathy talked him into it, and Garrison gets testy and insists that he made the decision to return. Miss Ellie tells Garrison she'd like to hear what's been going on with him for the past four decades, and he promises they'll get fully caught up tomorrow...but right now he needs to head back to the apartment 'cause Kathy is waiting for him. After he leaves, JR tells Jock that Garrison showing up out of the blue could mean trouble for them...but that it's not a problem 'cause they know just how to handle this type of pesky disruption in their privileged lives.
The following morning, JR tells Sue Ellen that Garrison was named sole heir in Grandpa Southworth's will...and when he was presumed dead, everything got passed down to Miss Ellie. He says he's concerned that Garrison may seek to reclaim Southfork, and Sue Ellen haughtily snarls, "That old man is not going to cheat my child out of his inheritance." JR assures her that Garrison would have to pry the property out of their cold dead hands, then heads off to work.
JR tells Ray that Jock got himself all in a tizzy about finding a pool of oil on Section 40, and breezily says it's probably an oil leak from a random truck that just happened to be driving out there for no reason. He then tells Ray that he ever hears about something amiss on the ranch again, he should report it directly to him...and Ray's like, "Yeah, dream on, douchewad."
Miss Ellie reminds Jock that he was the one who urged her to go to court and have Garrison declared legally dead, and says she now feels as though she stole her brother's inheritance. Jock's like, "Well that's a dicked up mindset" and says he's off to have lunch at the club. Miss Ellie asks him why he dislikes Garrison so much, so Jock tells her that back in the day, he was the outsider while Garrison and Digger were friends...and thinks Garrison only returned to Dallas to claim a piece of the Ewing fortune.
JR calls up Willie Joe and Jeb to admonish them for the sloppiness of their crew while they were poking around Section 40. He says they left a pool of oil in the middle of the field, and warns them to not let it happen again.
Ray enters a roughnecks' bar to meet up with an old friend, Matt. He asks Matt to look into any recent drilling that may have taken place on Southfork...and to keep his investigatin' on the down-low.
Miss Ellie and Garrison recall how horrible life was during the Depression, and how sad it was when Papa Southworth got so broke that he had to sell off everything he owned. Garrison says he figured it was best for everyone concerned that he be presumed dead. Miss Ellie tells him it was a stroke of luck that she hooked up with a rich guy like Jock Ewing, 'cause he had ample money to buy Southfork before it was foreclosed on. She then invites Garrison to stay at the ranch...and when he grumbles that it isn't his home anymore, Miss Ellie argues that it is.
Miss Ellie calls a meeting with Jock, JR, and Bobby and says she has an important announcement to make. She says that despite how much she looooves Southfork, she has to do what's right...however illogical it may seem forty years after the fact. She reminds them that Garrison was the heir to Southfork in her father's will, but that the property was passed down to her when he was declared dead. However, now that he's suddenly back from the dead, she feels a responsibility to hand over the property to him. Jock growls about how nuts that is and reminds her that it was his money that saved the ranch, and JR agrees and dismissively says, "What's done is done." Miss Ellie disagrees and stubbornly insists that it was her father's wish that Garrison inherit the ranch. JR snarls, "This is why he came back to town" and says that Grumpy Pants Garrison sounds a lot like Digger, whining about how the Ewings have taken everything away from him. Jock snaps, "There will be no more talk about giving away Southfork!" ... and when Miss Ellie says they need to continue beating this dead horse of a storyline a little while longer, Jock bellows, "You're overstepping your place, Miss Ellie!" [Is it me, or is it kind of weird that the man calls his wife Miss Ellie?] She glares at him and angrily retorts, "My place? What is my place?!" and Jock growls that her place sure as shit ain't running Southfork or any of the Ewing businesses - plus it's still the 1970s and he can declare things like, "As head of the household, what I say goes!" without getting smacked or laughed at. Miss Ellie stubbornly tells him she invited Garrison and Kathy over for lunch tomorrow and snaps, "Do I need permission for that?!" (um, probably) and storms out of the room. When Jock trails out after her, JR tells Bobby he can't help but think that this is somehow all Kathy's fault and suspects she's after a cut of the Ewing money. Bobby says he'd rather not jump to conclusions and suggests they talk all this over with Garrison, but JR says he's pretty comfortable with the conclusions he's jumped to and fully intends to give Kathy the what-for.
Bobby lounges by the pool with Pam and looks despondent. Pam tells him to stop stressing about the situation until he knows for sure that Garrison is taking over Southfork, and Bobby explains that he's far more concerned about the rift between his parents, 'cause apparently it's the worst fight he's ever seen them have. He tells her that if they're forced off the ranch, they may have to get a place of their own - and Pam somehow refrains from doing a happy dance at the prospect of no longer living under the scrutiny of her shitty in-laws.
JR calls up his private investigator and orders him to dig up some dirt on Garrison.
Garrison and Kathy arrive at Southfork and are warmly greeted by Miss Ellie...and lukewarmly greeted by the rest of the family. JR acts pretend friendly with Kathy and offers to give her a tour of the ranch.
As JR and Kathy stroll around the grounds, Kathy marvels about how vast Southfork is and calls it lovely. JR's like, "All right, let's cut the shit" and tells her it's "funny" that Garrison decided to return after all this time, considering how much he hated the ranch. He asks her if the two of them have plans to get married...and when she firmly says no, he snorts and says he figured this whole thing was a scheme on her part to marry the crusty old ogre and get herself a sweet chunk of Texas real estate. Kathy looks indignant and says, "Of course not!" and JR remarks on how weird it is for a pretty young woman to hang around an aging uggo like Garrison.
Garrison asks Miss Ellie if she'd really let him have Southfork, and she smiles serenely and says, "It was daddy's wish." Jock chimes in, making it gruffly clear that he and his wife don't agree on that sentiment one damn bit. Kathy, meanwhile, storms back to the house...and JR is close behind, accusing her of playing the dirty game of hooking up with an old guy for his money. When Garrison gets all defensive and snarly, JR threatens to fight him in every court in the country. Garrison growls, "Good! I could use a good fight. But this time it's Southworth versus Ewing!" then says he's not just going to roll over like that lightweight Digger Barnes. After he and Kathy storm off, Miss Ellie gets all in JR's face and shrieks, "How dare you talk to my brother that way! You run Ewing Oil - but you do not run me!" She then flees inside the house, and a sheepish looking JR tells Jock he merely has the family's best interests at heart.
Bobby and Pam drop by Kathy's/Garrison's apartment to probe into the matter further. Kathy tells them that Garrison is asleep and that she'd rather not wake him 'cause it took him a long time to calm down and then doze off. She says, "He's in the anger stage" then explains that she's his nurse, not his May-December floozy, and that he's in her care 'cause he has a terminal illness and came home to die.
Back at the ranch, Bobby tells Pam he opted to not tell Miss Ellie about Garrison dying 'cause he doesn't know how to break the news to her that she's going to lose her brother for good. Pam says if it were her brother, she'd want to know.
JR learns from his private investigator that Garrison recently withdrew a substantial amount of money from his bank account. He gleefully tells Sue Ellen he probably doesn't have the resources to pay for a lengthy court battle against the Ewings.
Bobby joins Miss Ellie on the patio and tells her that he and Pam dropped by Garrison's apartment last night, then says there's something he needs to tell her. The scene then fades out, so I'll assume he tells her about Garrison's grim health status off-camera.
Miss Ellie pays Garrison a visit, and he snappishly asks her what she's doing here. She counters by asking why he's being so damn crotchety, and he says he's irked that she made a home with the Ewings - plus he hates what Jock did to Digger Barnes. She asks him if the tedious, forty-year Ewing-Barnes feud is what's really what's bugging him...and he tells her he didn't return to town to disrupt her life. He says he can leave anytime, so she says, "You shouldn't run away from life" and he replies, "I'm running away from death" and tells her his days are numbered.
Matt meets up with Ray in the roughneck bar to report that some flunky named Charlie Waters might be willing to talk to him about whatever nefarious thing took place on Southfork's Section 40. Yawn.
Charlie Waters drops by Ewing Oil to inform JR that he heard some cowboy (aka Ray) is investigating who ran the reserve oil test on Southfork land. He admits to being on the sloppy-ass crew, then tells JR he figured he'd want to know about it before he talked to the cowboy. JR grins, thanks him for coming to him first, and says he'll make it worth his while.
Miss Ellie gathers the family together and informs them that she's invited Garrison to move in with them...but before Jock and JR can launch a bitchy protest, she says he won't around for long 'cause he's pretty close to kicking the bucket. She shoots her menfolk the stink-eye and icily says, "Not everyone is motivated by greed." Jock apologizes for his crusty dickishness, backpedals when he says, "How could we have known?" then says it's A-OK with him if Garrison wants to spend his dying days at Southfork...so long as viewers don't have to endure his grizzled unpleasantness in any future episodes.
Miss Ellie and Garrison enjoy a stroll around the stables. He natters about how he could never live up to father's expectations, blah blah...and when Miss Ellie tells him that Papa Southworth made him the sole heir in his will, he wistfully says he wishes the old man had told him how he felt about him. He then glances around the estate and waxes on about how beautiful, lush, and green it is, then bellows, "It's good to be home!"
Recap: A scraggly haired man is standing on an embankment across from Southfork, creepily staring at the ranch through a pair of binoculars...while inside, the Ewings enjoy their breakfast. Bobby tells everyone that Pam already left for work...and when Jock grumbles something derisive about women in the workplace, Bobby says he's OK with his wife leaving the house early, as long as she doesn't work nights. 'Cause that would warrant a stern talkin' to. Sue Ellen says she just received a letter from her mother, who wants to come to Dallas, along with her sister Kristin - yay! - soon after her love spawn with Cliff is born. JR makes a blech face and says, "Just don't let them stay here" and reminds her that he can only take so much of her mother. Sue Ellen tells him her mother isn't easily put off, but he dismissively retorts, "You'll find a way", and then he and Bobby abruptly leave the table and head off to work.
The scraggly haired man, whose name we eventually learn is Al, checks his watch as he carefully notes the time that JR and Bobby depart from the ranch in their individual vehicles.
Al heads back to his decrepit hovel, which he shares with his two weird partners in crime: Willie and Faye. Al gives them a slide show presentation of the Ewing family, and the three examine still images of JR (who is the primary target), Bobby, Ray, Pam, Sue Ellen, Lucy, and Ray...along with photos of their automobiles. The three cackle about how they're going to spend their shares of the ransom money, then discuss their plan to abduct JR...and by plan, they mean they're just going to passively stalk him until a golden opportunity to grab him arises. Willie says he doesn't want any accidental killings this time around, since an unintentional murder resulted in a lot of messy shit during one of their previous kidnappings.
Bobby gets a call about a construction site emergency, and he's like, "I'm on it!" and rushes right down to the underground garage. He then makes the grim discovery that his car has a flat tire.
JR, meanwhile, is canoodling in bed with his blonde mistress - possibly the same one he was doinking during the Act of Love episode, but I can't be bothered to check the cast list on IMDB to verify this. He tells her that he has a meeting in a few minutes, but when blondie whines that she hardly ever gets to see him, he happily delays his meeting and re-smooches her in earnest.
Bobby tells the two secretaries that his car has a flat tire, then asks if JR is around. One of the secretaries informs him that JR walked to a nearby meeting, so Bobby decides he'll borrow JR's car to the construction site...then asks the secretaries to arrange for his flat tire to get fixed so that JR can drive his car home at the end of the day. He then grabs JR's car keys and heads back down to the underground garage. When he appears on the street in JR's car, Al, Faye, and Willie - who have been staking out the Ewing Oil building - perk up and immediately start following him in a not-so-subtle fashion. Bobby pulls onto the isolated road that leads to the construction site, finally gets a clue that he's being followed, and stupidly pulls over. The three kidnappers advance on him with their guns drawn, and when Al - who looks even more scraggly than he did the day before - exclaims, "Holy! We got the wrong Ewing!" After letting that sink in for a few seconds, he's like, "Ah, fuck it!" and decides to just continue with the kidnapping. He orders Bobby out of his car...then forces him into the backseat of their car, where they handcuff and blindfold him before squealing off.
The kidnappers take Bobby to their hovel and shove him inside a boarded up room. When Al removes the blindfold and chains him up to the bed, a quivering Bobby asks what they plan to do with him. Faye snarls, "That's up to your folks" then cackles, "I hope they like you. A lot."
When JR returns to the office, the secretaries inform him that Bobby had a flat tire so he borrowed his car 'cause he had to rush over to a construction site. Oddly, however, he never made it there. JR just kind of shrugs unconcernedly and is like, "OK. Whatever."
Al snarls at Bobby to keep his mouth shut and do what he's told. The kidnappers convene in the kitchen to discuss the next steps: take a proof of life photo of Bobby, and force him to write a letter to his wife. They also agree that Cliff Barnes should be the official go-between. Not sure why. Faye and Willie warn Al to not go all demented like he did when he accidentally shot a hostage before they could collect the ransom money.
Cliff gets an urgent call from Al, who tells him that he and his fellow kidnappers have abducted Bobby Ewing. When Cliff is all, "Wha-a?!!", Al says that Bobby will remain alive as long as everyone does what they're told, then tells him he's been designated as the go-between. He tells him to dig up a set of instructions that are buried under the phone pole by the entrance of Southfork. He warns Cliff to do exactly as the note says, which means no involving the cops or feds.
Pam returns home and asks if anyone has seen Bobby. JR tells her that he was supposed to check in at a construction site, but for some reason he never showed up. Miss Ellie assures Pam that if there had been an accident, they would have heard something about it by now. A few seconds later, Miss Ellie answers a call from the construction site manager, who informs her that his crew found JR's car abandoned on a nearby remote road. While that's happening, Cliff arrives at Southfork and solemnly announces, "Bobby's been kidnapped." JR says he doesn't buy it and questions why a kidnapper would involve him, so Cliff pulls out the kidnappers' instructions that he dug up and hands them to Jock. The note says that they've kidnapped JR - their intended target - and that he's unharmed, and will remain so until they receive $1.5 million. The note specifies that Cliff will act as the go-between, and that further instructions about a drop-off location will be forthcoming. Jock slumps into the nearest chair, while Pam's hand-wringing gives way to panic. JR tells Cliff that this is a family matter, and as such they'll handle it from here on in - but Cliff argues that he's not going to risk Bobby's life to continue feeding the tedious Ewing/Barnes feud that viewers were already tired of in Season 1. Pam agrees and angrily tells JR that they're going to keep Cliff as the go-between. When Miss Ellie and Jock concur, Cliff stares over at JR and glumly says, "Looks like we're stuck with each other."
The next morning, JR complains to Jock that he doesn't like the idea of involving Cliff Barnes in Bobby's rescue, so he plans to resolve it his way...and by his way he means he's going to call the FBI and take an agent along to the bank to get a suitcase full of marked bills.
Pam paces around the house, wondering aloud why the kidnappers haven't called yet. JR tells Ray that they'll have to put aside their differences from two episodes ago until Bobby is found safe, then orders him to gather the ranch hands together, particularly those who have really good aim.
Cliff runs into Sue Ellen in the foyer...and the two grin stupidly at each other until JR appears, yanks Sue Ellen away, and tells her she's not required to be polite to this cretin. A few seconds later, Pam answers the phone and gets all hysterical when she realizes she's on the phone with the kidnapper. She wails, "I want to talk to Bobbbbbbyyyyy!" so Cliff grabs the phone to handle the call. An angry Al accuses him of bringing an FBI agent into the bank, and Cliff weakly denies that and says they want proof that Bobby is still alive. Al gives him an address and says he can find the proof there, then barks, "No feds, or Bobby is dead" and hangs up. The FBI agent, who was tracing the call, says they weren't on the line long enough to tell where he was calling from. Cliff points out to the Ewings that obviously they're being watched, so therefore the FBI agent shouldn't be part of this anymore. He says he's going to follow the kidnapper's exact instructions, and Pam thanks him and tearfully wishes him good luck.
Cliff arrives at the address Al gave to him and finds a photo of a pitiful looking Bobby holding yesterday's newspaper. Doesn't look like he's holding up very well in captivity. Included in the little packet is a note directing him to go to a different address, so he rushes to his car and speeds across town. He finds note #2 under a park bench, which directs him to a drop-off location near railroad tracks. There he finds a letter stuck on a nearby fence, along with Bobby's wallet. The letter was written by Bobby - to Pam - telling her to do exactly as the kidnappers say. Cliff waits around for a few minutes with the suitcase o' cash...but when no one shows up for the ransom/hostage exchange, he just kind of shrugs and heads back to his car. After he drives off, we see that Al was sitting in his car the entire time, creepily watching him.
Cliff returns to Southfork with the suitcase o' cash and tells everyone that no one showed up at the drop-off location, then gives Pam Bobby's wallet and letter. JR announces that he's taking over this operation, and Cliff breathes a sigh of relief and says he's glad to be off the hook. When JR tries to blame Cliff for the failed outcome, Pam snarks at him that things started to go bad when he went rogue and involved the FBI, and that if something happens to Bobby he should blame himself. Pam implores Cliff to continue acting as the go-between, and Jock gruffly weighs in and concurs that that's probably best. JR scowls, clearly not happy.
Willie and Faye are annoyed with Al for not following through with the ransom/hostage exchange. Al says he was worried that FBI agents were staking out the location, so he chickened out...but promises to arrange another drop-off time/place. Willie suggests killing Bobby - a complete reversal of his sentiment at the beginning of the episode - and fleeing to Wyoming...and when Bobby overhears the terrible suggestion, he freaks out and attempts an ill-fated escape by loudly trying to rip the boards off of the windows. Smooth, Bobby. The kidnappers hear the sudden commotion and charge into the room. Al punches Bobby and drags him over to the bed and re-chains him...and Bobby stares mournfully into space, doing his best to contort his default blank expression into one of extreme terror.
JR tells his family that, according to the FBI, Bobby's kidnappers are most likely the trio responsible for abductions all over the country. The good news is that most of the hostages were eventually released; the bad news is that one of the hostages was killed while in captivity.
Faye enters the room as Bobby listlessly chews on a piece of bread. She tells him he shouldn't have tried to run, so he explains that he panicked 'cause he thought his life was in immediate danger. Faye tells him that they don't (usually) kill anyone during their kidnappings, then grumbles about being poor her whole life and that she'd do anything for money. I'm guessing that none of the previous kidnappings she's been involved with have generated much ransom money?? Bobby promises to give her a boatload of cash if she lets him go, but she says she can't run out on Al and Willie. Somehow, the conversation emboldens Faye to mount Bobby - ack! - and she plants a big smooch on him...and Bobby's like, "Ewwww!!" and quickly shoves her off of him. The disturbing interaction comes to an abrupt end when Al and Willie enter the room to summon Faye...and she glares at Bobby as she heads out. She is one strange bird, that Faye.
Al calls Cliff at Southfork to give him a new set of instructions for the drop-off, which will take place in a remote field near the Denton substation...'cause what could go wrong with providing advance notice to Bobby's family that the ransom/hostage exchange will take place in a remote field? When Cliff shares that bit of intel with the family, JR mutters, "I'm going to make myself useful" and heads out to put a plan in motion with the sharpshooting ranch hands.
Al tells Willie and Faye that everything is set for tomorrow's ransom/hostage exchange. Willie and Faye are at least smart enough to question how intelligent it is for them to carry out the exchange in an open field, and worry that they'll be ambushed...'cause d'yuh. They haul Bobby out and ask him what he thinks of the drop-off location, and he assures them that his family wouldn't do anything to endanger his life. Bobby says they can use him as a human shield, and that he won't let anyone call the cops until they get away. Willie warns him against trying any funny business, and Bobby solemnly replies, "No one's going to do anything funny" and promises that somehow this absurdly amateurish kidnapping plot will work out A-OK for everyone involved.
Jock, JR, and Ray gather the ranch's best sharp-shooters together and make a plan for them to spread out in the open field and conceal themselves while lying in wait. JR is adamant about nailing the kidnappers - but Jock warns him not to take any risks, 'cause he'd prefer that Bobby returns home alive.
At dawn, Pam ambles around the house restlessly and finds Cliff standing on the porch. She tells him she's scared, but is pleased that he likes Bobby enough to do all this for him. A few seconds later, Miss Ellie and Jock come out and tell Cliff it's time to go. Miss Ellie tells Cliff that if he brings her boy home safe, they'll be grateful to him forever...and Cliff picks up the suitcase o' cash and heads out.
Cliff arrives at the substation...as does JR, Ray, and a gang of sharpshooting ranch hands, who quickly hide in the tall grass. A few minutes later, the kidnappers pull up with Bobby in the back seat. Al steps out of the car and barks at Cliff to hand over the cash, then orders Bobby out of the car. Cliff pulls the suitcase o' cash out of the trunk and opens it to show Al that the money is all there. Al looks satisfied enough with that, then uncuffs Bobby and tells him to start walking - but orders Cliff to hang back. Once Bobby is several feet away, JR bellows, "Look out, Bobby!" and starts shooting - bwahaha! - and within a few seconds the kidnappers start returning fire. As Bobby lunges at Cliff to pull him to the ground, Willie is fatally shot...and then JR, Ray, and the ranch hands all rush over. Faye and Al, who are both still armed, hover over Willie with their sad faces on...and I'll have to assume that someone in JR's crew had the presence of mind to disarm these two while the camera is panned onto Cliff. He yells at JR for nearly getting him killed, and JR breezily retorts, "Ah, you were both in the clear." Bobby says he really really wants to go home now, and then he and JR cap off the riveting scene by exchanging a tender look of brotherly love.
Back at Southfork, Pam tells Bobby how frightened she was during the entire episode, then shoots JR the stink-eye and admonishes him for needlessly putting Cliff's life in danger. JR flashes her a shit-eating grin and replies, "He's never been safer in his life." And then...the end. Weird.
Recap: Bobby leaves his office for a meeting with his architect...while JR is on the phone with a yokelly business associate, Jeb Ames, assuring him he's not going to go bankrupt. When Jeb continues to freak out about his finances, JR invites him and his sidekick, Willie Joe Garr, to drop by Ewing Oil for a face-to-face chat.
As Bobby walks down the street, he hears someone yell, "Bobby!" ... and when he turns around, he sees a football hurtling towards him. He catches it, then grins and yells, "Guzzler!" and a fuzzy-headed, lanky guy runs over, and the two hug like long-lost friends...which, apparently, they are. They head to the nearest restaurant to eat, drink, and get caught up on their lives. Bobby tells Guzzler he's running a fledgling construction company, and that JR is at the helm of Ewing Oil. Guzzler makes a blech face at the mention of JR, then says that he's currently building high rises in Venezuela and is in Dallas to meet with some bankers to discuss financing options. Bobby invites him to stay at Southfork while he's in town...and after pretending he couldn't possibly impose, Guzzler takes Bobby up on the offer and the two agree to meet up for dinner.
JR assures Jeb and Willie Joe that they'll strike oil one day soon - but Jeb despondently says he's drilled in eleven locations, has come up dry eleven times, and is starting to panic. Willie Joe reminds JR about the "red file land" on Southfork, and JR nods and says that that land is sure to produce oil for generations. Jeb says he'd like to start drilling there, like pronto, but JR informs him that Jock's last will and testament contains a clause that forbids any drilling on the property until after his death. Willie Joe says he may not be able to hold out until Jock kicks the bucket, so JR says he'd be willing to give them an advance on their share if they continue to do business with Ewing Oil. Jeb tells JR he'd like to confirm that the land is still oil rich by bringing a geologist by to do some testing, and JR agrees - but under one condition: Miss Ellie isn't to know anything about this, and she's not to see any strange men roaming around the property 'cause it might all be too much for her delicate sensibilities.
That evening, Guzzler arrives at Southfork by taxi with his suitcase. When Bobby introduces him to Pam, he's like, "Wowzers!" and remarks on how super hot she is - which was weird and awkward - and in the next scene, he's regaling the Ewings at the dinner table with over-the-top stories of his various life adventures. Jock looks suitably entertained and suggests they all retreat to the sitting room for brandy, but JR hangs back and covertly tells Sue Ellen he's sneaking upstairs 'cause he's had enough of Guzzler's phony bullcack and incessant name dropping. Sue Ellen says she finds the man fascinating, then sneaks into the study to call Cliff to arrange a rendezvous on Sunday...which is weird, 'cause I thought those two agreed to call it quits in the Act of Love episode.
As Guzzler continues to tell tales, Lucy looks smitten...as does Jock, who invites him to stick around Southfork for awhile. Bobby challenges Guzzler to an impromptu game of football, and as the two head outside, Guzzler tells him he has a great family.
On Saturday, Bobby gives Guzzler a tour of his various residential construction projects in progress, and an unimpressed Guzzler tells Bobby he's wasting his time with these small projects, and that they demonstrate a lack of confidence. He suggest launching something YUGE - like high-rises - but Bobby reminds him that he's just starting out with his new company...and that if he were to take on a big project, he'd need someone on board with experience - like him, for example. Guzzler pretends to have issues with moving in on a Ewing company, but then agrees to enter into a partnership.
Pam wakes up at 3:00am and does not look happy that she's in bed alone.
A cab pulls up at Southfork, and Bobby and Guzzler spill out of the back seat, acting drunk and giggly. Pam glares at them from the window, then emerges from the patio door. When Bobby trips over his own feet, Guzzler picks him up, tosses him over his shoulder and carries him inside. He deposits Bobby onto his bed, then sniffs in Pam's direction and tells her she smells great and has luscious lips that are in desperate need of kissing. He advances on her, but an icked out Pam shoves him away, reminds him she's Bobby's wife - not some cheap floozy - and tells him to get lost. Guzzler mulls over her revulsion for a few seconds, then drunkenly staggers out of the room.
The next morning, JR tells Sue Ellen that he's off to a work meeting and will be home around 3:00pm. Sue Ellen tells him she has a lunch date with the reverend and his wife, and smirks to herself about her actual, sexy plans with Cliff.
Guzzler is frolicking in the Ewing pool, and swims up behind Pam, who's suntanning on her chair floatie. When he splashes her, she snarks at him to leave her alone and climbs out of the pool. Guzzler looks puzzled by her reaction, and is all, "Whassup?", not remembering [or pretending to not remember] his drunken actions from the night before. Bobby suddenly appears and leaps into the pool...and Guzzler jumps in after him. When Pam storms off in disgust, Guzzler jokes to Bobby that it looks like he's in big trouble.
Jeb, a geologist, and a small crew of men arrive at the outer edge of Southfork to test the land for oil. The geologist confirms that there is, in fact, a shit ton of oil located below the surface of this land - to the tune of 7,000 barrels a day.
Bobby explains to Pam that he and Guzzler got carried away last night for old time's sake. She asks how long the deadbeat fuzz-head is going to be hanging around, so Bobby tells her he's trying to convince Guzzler to stay in Dallas for the long term so that the two of them can form a construction company together. Pam snarks that she has zero desire to search the bars for him every night, and Bobby accuses her of being controlling and jealous, just like JR. She's like, "Well d'yuh!" and says she resents being made to feel like she's competing with Guzzler, then gets angry about it all over again and tells him to go away and play with his stupid friend.
Bobby drives Guzzler to the outer edge of Southfork, points at the vast empty land, and proposes they build a shopping center here.
Bobby tells Jock about his idea - but Jock says that Miss Ellie would never go for it...not that he's a big fan of cutting up Southfork for commercial purposes either. Bobby says he'd never miss the land, and points out that it's adjacent to a highway. Jock agrees to think it over, but says he'd also like JR's opinion on the matter.
Lucy and Guzzler are sitting on the patio together, looking cozy and smitten with each other - which, assuming Lucy is still a teenager attending high school...gross. What is it with grown ass men on Dallas wanting to get it on with this schoolgirl?? Guzzler flirtily tells her she reminds him of a woman he once doinked, and Lucy blushes and suggests they go for a drive together...and the two walk toward the house, arm in arm. They suddenly encounter Pam, who glares at Guzzler in disgust and sternly asks whassup...so a sheepish Guzzler suggests to Lucy that they go swimming instead. When Lucy scampers into the house to change, Guzzler asks Pam why she's mad at him and says it's important that they be friends. She snippily asks him what he had in mind for Lucy, and he says they were planning on going for a drive, then smarmily adds, "I never plan what happens with a woman." Pam asks him if all women [or high school students] are fair game, and he smiles lecherously and says, "I enjoy women very much. Some of them reciprocate it." He asks her what he did that offended her so much, and she tells him she doesn't like what's happened to Bobby since his arrival. Guzzler tells her he looooves Bobby...then plays his tiny violin as he explains that he never had siblings, his mother died when he was just a wee one, and his father wasn't the affectionate sort. When he met Bobby in college, he quickly became someone Bobby looked up to. Pam softens and apologizes for her bitchitude, and concedes that maybe there's more to him that she initially thought. Actually, Pam...I'm pretty sure there's less.
JR, Bobby, and Jock are surveying the land that Bobby is proposing as the site for his and Guzzler's new shopping center...and JR looks troubled 'cause it's the oil-rich land Jeb's geologist was just testing the other day. Jock tells Bobby about the clause in his will about drilling on the land, and that it also existed in Miss Ellie's father's will too. JR offers to help Bobby look for a different parcel of land, and Jock agrees and says he doesn't like the idea of opening up this part of Southfork for any commercial purposes. JR tells Bobby he can build a bunch of stores anywhere, and Jock says he plans to discuss all of this with Miss Ellie.
Miss Ellie sits in a chair and stares into space, tells Jock she doesn't like the idea of using any part of Southfork to build a shopping center...but then reverses herself a few seconds later and tells him to allow Bobby to build the shopping center. Er...OK. JR does not look happy with her decision.
Jeb and Willie Joe arrive at Ewing Oil and tell JR they heard about Bobby's plans to build a shopping mall on the oil rich parcel of Southfork. They remind him that they have an agreement to share in the profits of that oil, and that it's the basis of every deal they make. Jeb then scrunches his face all sinister-like and warns JR that he'll personally stop Bobby from building anything on that land, and JR advances on him, backhands him across the face (!) and snarls, "Don't you ever threaten my brother. Or any other Ewing." As Jeb stares back at him in complete shock and incredulity, JR assures him he'll handle the situation, then orders Jeb and Willie Joe to get the hell out of his office.
Bobby and Guzzler are working the phones, trying to line up vendors for the new shopping center. JR, meanwhile, gets a call from his private investigator who managed to dig up some tasty gossip on Guzzler.
Pam is out for lunch with JR, and she tells him she was surprised to get his call. He tells her that Guzzler is a scam artist who's going to bring harm to Bobby, then hands her a dossier that details his shitty pattern of abandoning his partners before the building projects have been completed, leaving them holding the bag. As a result, he has several fraud charges pending in various states. JR says that Bobby has a blind spot when it comes to Guzzler, then asks Pam to do whatever she can to put a stop to this ridiculous shopping center project so that Bobby doesn't get in too deep.
In the Southfork study, Bobby tells Guzzler he'd like to scale down the shopping center - but Guzzler argues that they should go even more YUGE. Miss Ellie ambles into the study and glances over their blueprints for the project and mumbles, "Impressive" but doesn't look thrilled. She heads out to the patio, where she sits down and stares blankly into space. Bobby comes out to see whassup with her blank staring, so she tells him that the project is bigger than she thought it would be, and wonders if it's going to change Southfork forever. Bobby reminds her that they never actually use the land for anything, and Miss Ellie spacily asks, "Does everything have to be used? Can't some things just be?" A confused Bobby asks her why she approved the project if she has such a problem with it, so she tells him she loves her sons (except for Gary) more than acres of barren ranch land...and the two hug.
Pam slips out of bed while Bobby is sleeping, and sneaks down the hall to where Guzzler is staying. He perks up at the sight of her in her nightie, and she's like, "Uh, no...eww..." and assures him that she's not here for his non-existent sex appeal, but rather to confront him about his pending fraud charges. She calls him a user of friends, family, and women and accuses him of taking Bobby for a sucker. Guzzler glares at her and asks her if she hired a detective to look into his sordid activities...and when she nods, he grimaces and says, "You win." Pam retorts, "Bobby loses", but Guzzler insists that he loves Bobby; however, ever since his college years ended, his life has been one giant fuckup of his own making after another. He asks her if she's going to rat him out to Bobby, and she just shrugs and leaves the room. Bobby, meanwhile, is awake and sitting on the side of the bed...and when Pam slips back into their room, he asks her what she was talking to Guzzler about. He adds that he knows all about the fraud cases and says he's not blind to Guzzler's general dickitude when it comes to his business partners. That said, he knows how much their partnership means to his dear friend, then points out to Pam that she only knows him for the scam artist he currently is - not the man he used to be. Pam sheepishly apologizes for hurting Guzzler's feelings...and as they hug, Bobby says he's now going to have to hurt him too.
The next morning, Guzzler is decked out in his three-piece suit, ready to beat a hasty retreat from Southfork. Bobby tells him that the shopping center is getting too out of hand, and that maybe they should look for property elsewhere. Guzzler says he's going to have to pull out of the partnership and resume his high rise projects in Venezuela. [Hopefully he got some actual financing for them, and isn't planning on leaving his contractors high and dry.] As a cab pulls up, Bobby half-heartedly implores Guzzler to reconsider, and Guzzler says he'll think about it (though not really) and gets into the cab. After it drives off, Pam comes outside...and she and Bobby canoodle as they sadly stare after the cab.
Recap: Bobby, Pam, Lucy, and Lucy's dumb looking boyfriend are enjoying a night at the - yee haw! - Mustang Club in downtown Dallas. They're watching a hot new singer named Garnet McGee - played by a young Kate Mulgrew - perform on stage. When she [mercifully] finishes her song, Lucy claps enthusiastically and gushes about how great she is, and Pam concurs that she's gotten pretty good since she last heard her sing, then explains that she's known Garnet for years. Ray, who's apparently dating Garnet, steers her over to a table...and the two sit together, order drinks, and canoodle. Bobby, Pam, Lucy, and Lucy's dumb looking boyfriend approach their table to compliment Garnet on her lovely voice, and Ray introduces her to everyone. Garnet makes a point of telling the rich Ewing folk that she's still waiting for her big break so she can start recording her music, and Ray assures her it'll happen one day soon. In the next scene, Ray and Garnet hit the dance floor for a slow song, and Pam glares over at them and tells Bobby she's worried about Ray 'cause of what a shameless opportunist Garnet is. Further to that point, she noticed that Garnet was also checking him (Bobby) out, and playfully chides him for being so irresistible.
Later, Ray is stretched out on Garnet's pull-out couch in all of his shirtless glory...which, blech and double blech. I can't help but wonder if the producers of this show wanted to portray Ray Krebbs as some kind of sexy pin-up for the lady viewers and then willfully ignored the horrendousness of what was going on with his pageboy hairdo and yokelly face - 'cause, barring that, there is no reasonable explanation for the frequency at which this man is gratuitously featured bare-chested on this show. Garnet asks Ray if he's ever considered leaving Southfork and getting a life of his own, and he tells her he now considers it his home and has no desire to go back to an aimless life of drifting. He tells her that Jock offered him the ranch hand job twenty years ago, and the two have gotten along famously ever since. Garnet asks him if he's ever considering getting with Lucy for the obvious financial benefits of marrying into the Ewing family (kind of a weird thing for her to be asking)...and Ray doesn't admit that, in fact, there has been an icky history of him boning the vapid tart who, even more ickily, will eventually turn out to be his niece. Instead, he just chuckles and pulls Garnet close and tells her that dating her for the last several months has been super awesome. Garnet stares sadly into space and asks him if he intends to die poor, then tells him the sad tale of how impoverished her family was. She finds that "the wantin' is like a disease that can't ever be cured", and Ray assures her that he can be more than enough for her, and she somehow refrains from letting out a loud caustic laugh at his adorable naïveté and plants him with a big smooch.
During breakfast at Southfork, Lucy announces to the family that she's decided to become a country/western singer and would like JR to hook her up with his music industry connections. JR immediately nixes that idea, and Sue Ellen obediently concurs and calls it absurd. Jock gruffly asks Lucy how this boneheaded idea managed to slip into her tiny brain...and Bobby interjects and says it was probably his fault, then explains that he and Pam took Lucy to see Garnet McGee perform at the Mustang Club the other night. Miss Ellie tells Lucy that trying to eke out a living as a singer is hard work and likely to be fraught with heartache and disappointment, then urges her to find something more practical. Lucy snaps, "Like what? Get married and have kids?" and Sue Ellen does her best to pretend as though her soul hasn't been slowly chipped away at after seven years of being married to a skirt-chasing scoundrel like JR, and says, "It's not so bad." Lucy rolls her eyes and says she'd prefer to do something more interesting with her life - but Jock barks at her to get the idea of being a singer out of her head, then gruffly admonishes Bobby for encouraging her.
Lucy heads over to the stables and complains to Ray about how her family never lets her do anything she wants, and says that when she told them she wanted to become a singer, they acted like she was proposing being a hooker. She then invokes their icky coupling, but Ray immediately shuts that down and suggests she work off her bad temper by going on a vigorous horseback ride.
Bobby tells Pam he's currently working with Fairaday on their construction plans. He tells her not to worry about Garnet's opportunistic motives and reminds her that Ray's life is none of her business. Pam agrees, then explains that she just wants to be sure that Ray always has the best in life.
Ray and Jock enjoy some male bonding as they lean against a fence and stare at cows.
That evening, the Ewings host a barbecue at Southfork (not sure for what occasion), and Ray brings Garnet as his date, which seems to deeply perturb Lucy. Bobby politely asks Garnet to dance, and she accepts and then gazes at him blushingly as they chitchat. After the song, Bobby ushers Garnet over to where Pam is standing, then is called away by Miss Ellie to say hello to an old family friend. Garnet remarks to a frosty Pam that she's surprised she married so well and now gets to live on such a swanky ranch...and Pam refrains from dishing about how Southfork definitely ain't all that. Garnet then says that Ray is sweet and all, but outright admits that she's just hanging onto him until someone better comes along. A few seconds later, Ray comes over and proudly introduces Garnet to Jock, and Garnet turns on the fake charm and invites Jock to dance. Ray beams after her and gushes to Pam, "Ain't she somethin'?" and Pam derisively snorts, "She's somethin' all right."
JR spots Garnet dancing with Jock and looks intrigued. He asks Lucy who the gal dancing with his daddy is, and Lucy dismissively retorts, "Just someone Ray brought." JR calls Ray over and asks him about the pretty little lady he brought to the barbecue, and Ray warns JR that he should try his best not to bone her 'cause she's kind of his girlfriend and therefore very special to him. JR chuckles, ignores everything that just came out of Ray's mouth, and makes a beeline over to Garnet to introduce himself (LOL)...and all of this greatly amuses Lucy (and me). JR asks Jock if he can cut in, and Garnet seems totally into it and giggles flirtatiously.
The next morning, Ray returns to the ranch after being summoned by Jock, still dressed in his party clothes from the night before - a clear indication that he spent the night with Garnet. Lucy emerges from the house, is irked when she notices he hasn't changed his clothes yet, and demands to know if he was with her last night. She snaps, "I like you to be there when I need you! I don't like it when you're not around!" then warns him to watch out, 'cause JR doesn't like seeing him canoodle with Garnet anymore than she does.
Ray finds Jock doing paperwork in his study. Jock exclaims, "You've got the quite the girl!" and says he'd like to bring Miss Ellie down to the Mustang Club for a rare night out so they can watch Garnet sing sometime. He asks Ray if he has any plans for his future, and Ray says he'd like to marry Garnet - once she's satisfied she can't attract a better looking, wealthier prospect. Jock asks him if getting married means he'd leave Southfork, and Ray mulls that over and says, "It's hard to say." Jock ceremoniously hands him an envelop, thanks him for slaving away at his ranch for the last twenty years, and says that the envelop contains a deed to some land somewhere on Southfork. Ray's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and looks overcome with gratitude.
JR takes Garnet out to a fancy restaurant...and she giggles, blushes, and looks totally into being wooed by the rich philanderer.
When JR drops off Garnet at her apartment building, he asks her if she's going to invite him in - but she reminds him that he's a married man, and therefore has no interest in the "little bits of time" he can offer. He insists he has a lot more than that to offer, but she pretends not to care and tries to push his buttons by saying that, unlike him, Ray is willing to give her everything he has. She thanks him for lunch and cockily sashays into her building...and JR stares after, grinning and visibly intrigued.
That evening, Ray watches Garnet perform at the Mustang Club and bobs his head to the beat. When Garnet finishes her set, Ray waves her over, and the two leave together. JR, who's covertly sitting at the bar, frowns his disapproval.
At breakfast the next morning, JR tells Jock he heard an unfounded rumor that the farmer in Odessa who recently bought a prize bull from them wants to sell the animal back to them 'cause he's having serious money problems. Jock scrunches his face concernedly and says that Ray will need to go on that wild goose chase and check it out. JR gleefully offers to pass along that request and heads out...and Lucy shakes her head in dismay, clearly aware of what JR is up to.
JR drives down to the stables to inform Ray that Jock is probably going to ask him to drive down to Odessa to look into the faux Prize Bull Dilemma. Ray says he's not thrilled about having to make the trip 'cause he had a bunch o' personal stuff he wanted to do today, but an unsympathetic JR barks, "Business before pleasure!" then smugly smirks and goes, "See ya!" before squealing off.
Ray tells Garnet that he has to drive down to Odessa, and invites her to come along. When she's like, "Hell no", he tries to sweeten the deal by proudly announcing that he's no longer just a yokelly-faced, penniless ranch hand; he's a landowner...and explains that Jock just gave him the deed to a plot of land on Southfork. He says that this land could mean a lot for their future, aka marriage - but Garnet makes a face at the mention of the word marriage and tells him she can't just up and go to Odessa when she's scheduled to sing at the Mustang Club. Ray sullenly says, "You don't want to marry me" and Garnet half-heartedly tries to assure him that she kinda cares about him somewhat, but has lots of stuff she'd like to accomplish before settling down. She firmly says she likes things the way they are and that's all he's going to get from her...then throws him a bone and orders him to go to Odessa, quickly get his bidness there done, then hurry back home to her.
JR calls music industry guru Dan Engels to set up a deal for Garnet, who he has summoned to his office. Garnet wryly tells him she knows he was behind Ray being sent to Odessa, and JR just shrugs indifferently and tells her she's going to be plenty busy dealing with her new record deal. He makes it clear that he's using Ewing money to support and build up her career and therefore wants 25% of her earnings and "exclusive use" of her services. Garnet agrees to 10%, but doesn't seem to have a problem with the requisite number of blow jobs that have been written into the deal. JR pours her a drink and toasts her success, then ushers her out of the Ewing Oil offices. Bobby happens to catch a glimpse of her and asks the secretaries, "Wuh? Was that Garnet McGee?" and they're like, "Yep."
Ray tracks down the farmer who bought the prize bull from the Ewings and learns that he has no money problems and therefore has no intention of selling the animal. The farmer says he's perplexed about how such a rumor got started, but Ray finally gets a clue and mutters that he has some idea, then rushes back to his truck to begin the long drive back to Dallas so he can give JR the what-for.
Lucy arrives at Ewing Oil to once again ask JR to help her kick-start her country/western singing career. She finds his office empty, so she snoops around and comes across the "studio time for blow jobs" contract he just had drawn up between Garnet and himself. JR returns and irritably asks her what she's doing here...and when she insists that she has enough talent to sing for a living, he firmly says no and reminds her that just a year ago she wanted to join the circus. LOL. Lucy gets miffed and threatens to tell Jock and/or Sue Ellen about his sleazy contract with Garnet - but JR just shrugs and says she can show it to whoever she likes, 'cause all it really shows is that Ewing Oil is branching out to other industries. He then snarls that if she does tattle on him about this, she'll be no better than her mama: "a scheming, blackmailing little tramp". Yeesh. Lucy glares at him hatefully and angrily storms out.
JR arrives at Garnet's apartment to deliver the contact. She gives it another once-over and then the two start smooching.
Sue Ellen is sitting up in bed, reading, when Miss Ellie drops by her room to see how she's coping with her morning sickness. Sue Ellen tells her mother-in-law that JR is meeting with Dan Engels all night, then makes a face and adds, "Or so he said." Miss Ellie dodges the awkwardness of having a son who everyone knows cheats on his wife as often as he changes his pants by smiling serenely and replying, "He's so lucky to have such an understanding wife!" and Sue Ellen pretends to admire how devoted her husband is to the family business. I'm not sure which of these women irks me more with their keep-the-status-quo servitude in deference to the shitty men in their lives. It's a toss-up, really.
After hitting the sheets, JR and Garnet laze in bed and play cards and booze it up. He asks about her upbringing, and she tells him she grew up very poor and didn't even have a pair of shoes that weren't hand-me-downs until she was sixteen years old. She says that growing up in poverty is the reason she's so greedy now, then asks him what his excuse is...and JR just shrugs and says, "I don't need one." Garnet grins and says, "That's what I like about you" and the two start going at it again. She asks him if he needs to be heading home anytime soon, but he tells her that his wife is very understanding...then brusquely orders her to end her relationship with Ray, and says if she fails to do it, he'll do it for her.
Ray returns to Southfork and reports back to Jock that JR must have gotten his wires crossed about the prize bull being up for re-sale. Jock scrunches his wrinkly face and goes, "That's weird. JR doesn't usually make those kinds of mistakes" and laments the fact that Ray just wasted an entire day driving to/from Odessa. He urges Ray to go to his hovel and get some rest.
Ray is about to phone Garnet when Lucy pops by his hovel and brazenly comes onto him. He pushes her away and says he's off to see his lady...and when Lucy pouts, he tries to be sympathetic about how horribly life has sucked for her, being forced to grow up on this hellish ranch with these dimwits. He then says it was very wrong to let their icky hookup go on for as long as it did and tells her he genuinely wants them to be friends. Lucy angrily calls him a fool for passing her over for Garnet, then gleefully says he won't have her much longer anyway, now that JR has taken a liking to her. Ray refuses to believe that and insists that he and Garnet will eventually get married, and Lucy laughs and tells him she saw a signed contract between Garnet and JR that included a sleazy, illegal sounding "exclusive service agreement". She adds that since JR hasn't come home yet, he's probably with her right now, accepting her gratitude with repeated penetration. Ray scrunches his dumb face concernedly and rushes out.
Pam is hanging out in the study when she hears Lucy shrieking after Ray as he storms over to his truck. Pam rushes out to see whassup, and Ray glares at her and snaps, "Bobby got you, I'll be damned if JR gets Garnet!" and squeals off. Pam rushes upstairs to tell Bobby what just happened, and Bobby springs into action and says he's heading over to Garnet's apartment, pronto.
A half dressed JR is giving Garnet one last canoodle on her pull-out couch when Ray bursts into the apartment for an awesome confrontation. After the initial shock of seeing JR mounting his lady, Ray grabs him and decks him with several really fake looking punches, then puts his hands around his neck and tries to choke the life out of him. A few minutes later, Bobby bursts into the room and saves his brother from strangulation by pulling Ray off of him. After Ray re-combobulates himself, he yells at the Ewing brothers that they buy whatever they want...and that he's so sick of their money and general cuntiness that he plans to clear off the ranch asap. He then glares at Garnet and growls, "You're no better than they are" and storms out in disgust...and Bobby runs out after him as JR struggles to his feet. Garnet reminds JR that their recording contract is still binding - and if he tries to worm his way out of it, she'll tell everyone about their blechy arrangement. JR sheepishly nods and slinks out of the apartment.
Ray storms out of the building and is so worked up about JR boning his girlfriend that he feels the need to violently rip open his shirt and expose his bare sweaty chest. OMFG. Bobby chases after him, refrains from remarking on the bizarre, needless baring of his sweaty chest, and begs him not to leave Southfork 'cause Jock would be heartbroken. JR, meanwhile, appears and angrily orders Ray to get off his family's land before dawn. Ray glares back at him and says that he's suddenly determined to stay put on Southfork until Jock fires him, then admonishes JR for always screwing with people's lives. He snarls, "If you slip up again, I'll make sure you don't get up again" and stalks off. Bobby shakes his head in dismay at JR and tells him he has an unholy knack for making every friend he's ever had into an enemy.
The next morning, Ray is standing on the plot of land that Jock gave to him, looking around. Lucy trots over on her horse to apologize for all the shitty stuff she said to him earlier. She asks him if he can forgive her and if they can be friends 'cause she doesn't have very many (shocker), and Ray nods and smiles.
Recap: Jock returns to the house after an early morning horseback ride, and Miss Ellie is dutifully waiting for him holding a glass of juice and smiling in her annoyingly serene way that always makes me want to smack her. Bobby rushes out of the house and announces that he's off to Austin for a construction project meeting...and Pam gives him a quick goodbye kiss, then remarks to Miss Ellie and Jock that she misses the days of leisurely sitting around drinking coffee in the mornings. Jock snaps, "That's what you get for taking a job in the first place" and Pam politely retorts to the sexist douchewad that she loves her job and just meant that she felt a tad rushed on this particular morning. Lucy and Sue Ellen exit the house from the patio door, and Lucy is bitching about wanting to have her own car. Sue Ellen says that JR will get her a car as soon as he thinks she's ready for one, and Lucy says she doesn't get why this decision should be up to JR. [If I gave even a tiny shit, I'd agree that it probably doesn't seem fair.] Lucy threatens to storm upstairs and confront him about it, but Sue Ellen stops her and tells her that JR's not feeling well this morning. Lucy smirks and goes, "Uh oh. Did he tie one on again last night? It must be a terrible strain on you" and Sue Ellen admonishes her for not showing her uncle the proper amount of respect. Lucy rolls her eyes and barks, "Let's go, then" and the two climb into Sue Ellen's car and drive off.
At noon, Pam arrives at a restaurant with two of her friends...and while they're being seated, she sees Cliff sitting alone at a table. She goes over and chats with him...and he glances around shiftily and tells her it looks like he's been stood up by his lunch date. When Pam gets up to go dine with her friends, she runs into Sue Ellen. Pam formally introduces her to Cliff, and Sue Ellen and Cliff unconvincingly act like they barely know each other.
Bobby is meeting with an executive named Joe, who tells him about Fairaday, the CEO of a Boston investment firm who's interested in building a field office in Dallas. Bobby perks up and suggests he throw a huge barbecue at Southfork to entice the firm to sign on with his construction company, and Joe likes the sound of that and thinks a Texas barbecue might be just the thing that helps seal the deal. Yee haw!
Liz Craig tells Pam that good things are in store for her at work...and when Pam asks her to explain, she mysteriously tells her that all will be revealed in good time. Yawn.
During family dinner time, JR tells Bobby he has to fly to DC for a few days to wank a bunch of important lobbyists and asks him to hold down the fort at Ewing Oil. Bobby complains that he currently has a lot going on with his construction company, but JR doesn't give a rat's ass and suggests he hold these all-important meetings at his Ewing Oil office. Jock offers to sit in for JR...and when a concerned Miss Ellie asks him if that's wise, he points out that he won't be doing anything strenuous. Sue Ellen offers to drive JR to the airport in the morning, and after some hemming and hawing, he reluctantly agrees.
After dinner, Sue Ellen makes a covert phone call to Cliff, informing him that JR will be away for a few days.
The next morning, Sue Ellen drives JR to the airport and smilingly bids him adieu. JR boards the plane and sits next to a sexy blonde, who we soon learn is his latest hookup.
Bobby arrives at Ewing Oil and checks in with Jock...and Jock grumbles that there's no point to him being here 'cause no one actually wants to talk to anyone besides JR. Joe calls Bobby to let him know that Fairaday is down for the big Texas barbecue and is eager to meet him and Pam. When Bobby's all "Wuh? Joe explains that Fairaday places as much importance on a man's personal life as he does his business acumen...and Bobby mulls that over and decides that if Fairaday's business hinges on Pam, it's a done deal.
Sue Ellen is hanging at Cliff's apartment, wearing a black teddy and throwing back booze. She reminds him that six weeks ago [this timeline will be important to us later] was the first time they started doinking at his apartment, then proposes a toast to JR for jetting off to DC and letting them have sex in peace. Cliff drinks to that and says he hopes there will be longer business trips in their future...and the two start smooching and getting it on.
Back at the ranch, Bobby is clowning around in the pool, causing Pam to topple over from her floatie. He's giddy with excitement about his impending deal with Fairaday, while Pam is a nervous wreck about having to throw a big party for the Boston CEO. Bobby suggests she ask Sue Ellen for help, and Pam mulls over that advice as she heads inside to change out of her wet swimsuit.
Sue Ellen is on the phone at Southfork, arranging another rendezvous with Cliff...and quickly hangs up when Pam suddenly appears. Pam tells her she needs to talk to her about something important - and that it's so important they need to discuss it over lunch. She barks out a time and place, and Sue Ellen looks miffed about the impromptu conflict with her and Cliff's midday doink.
Ewing Oil. A bored Jock ambles around the reception area as the secretaries answer the phones. When he grumbles to one of them about having nothing to do, she offers to make him a lunch reservation.
Sue Ellen bitches to Pam about interrupting the million things she had to do today. Pam politely says she appreciates her giving her some of her precious time, then says she desperately needs her help in planning the big Texas barbecue 'cause she knows nothing about hosting such a fancy affair. Sue Ellen's all, "The fuck? You dragged me to lunch to talk about having a party?! Why didn't you mention this at the house?!" Pam explains that she wanted to speak about it privately, then emphasizes how important this party is to Bobby. She cocks her head at Sue Ellen and says she gets the feeling she was expecting to talk about something else [an extramarital affair with her brother, perhaps?] but Sue Ellen calls that notion absurd, then snarkishly promises to put her in touch with her caterer, who pretty much does all the work putting together all the big Ewing shindigs. Pam thanks her and apologizes for inconveniencing her lady-of-leisure time, and Sue Ellen haughtily announces that she's going to skip lunch [to see if Cliff is still available for their regular nooner].
Jock phones JR in DC to ask him how the wanking of the lobbyists is going...and JR, who's wearing a bizarre looking mid-thigh length blue silk robe, tells him that everything is going swimmingly. Jock gruffly orders, "Just keep spreadin' the Bs!" and JR chuckles and promises his sexist douchewad of a father that he'll keep the pig men supplied with a steady stream of "booty, booze, and broads". After the call, he canoodles with his hot blonde mistress.
Sue Ellen and Cliff meet in a park...and when Cliff tries to pump her for information on JR's business dealings, she snappishly says she doesn't want to talk about her philandering husband. Cliff asks her why she decided to carry on an affair with him, and she outright says it's prolly 'cause JR hates him so much, and that it would really piss him off if he found out about their icky coupling. Sounds like super healthy relationships all around.
Liz summons Pam to her office and announces that she's being elevated to Clothing Buyer. She tells Pam she'll be moving in the best fashion circles, and that soon they'll be flying to Paris to attend Fashion Week. Pam tearfully thanks her for the vote of confidence...but then realizes how cheesed Bobby is probably going to be. Liz gives her the travel date for Paris, which is two days before the big Texas barbecue. Pam mutters, "Oh noooo.." and hopes Bobby won't mind, which...yeah, dream on.
At the dinner table, Jock looks around at all the empty chairs and growls, "This family's falling apart!" Miss Ellie tells him to chillax and that it's no biggie that Lucy is spending the night at a friend's house, then reminds him that JR is away on business [while Sue Ellen enjoys some extramarital action]. Jock says there used to be a time when the entire family enjoyed every single dinner together, and Pam points out that sometimes you have to travel for business, even if you may not want to. Jock grunts something unintelligible that's probably dickish and rude. He asks Miss Ellie if she's up for a stroll around the ranch, and she smiles serenely [THWACK!] and says, "That would be nice."
Pam asks Bobby if it would be possible to postpone the Texas barbecue, but Bobby says they can't 'cause Fairaday will only be in town on the scheduled party date. He then reminds her how crucial the party is for the success of his construction company, and a crestfallen Pam mutters, "Oh...OK."
Sue Ellen pays a visit to her doctor to tell him that she's been feeling very strange lately. He says there could be many reasons for this sudden strangeness and that he'll call her back with the test results.
Bobby drops by the store to see Liz about finding just the right dress for Pam to wear for the special something she has coming up. Liz nods and says, "I know" then compliments him with being totes OK with her jetting off to Paris on such short notice. Bobby's all, "Wha-a? Paris?" and Liz pretends not to notice the clear look of confusion and dismay etched across his face as she gabbles about the importance of the Paris trip. Bobby refrains from coming right out and saying that this is the first he's heard of it, and pretends that the dress he wants to buy is for Pam to wear on the trip.
Lucy is bitching to her family again about not having a car, then asks Bobby if he thinks it's fair she doesn't have her own wheels...and he just shrugs distractedly and says he's never actually contemplated the issue. LOL. The doctor phones to give Sue Ellen her test results, and she exclaims, "Well, that can't be!" then thanks him for calling and hangs up...and announces to the Ewings that she's pregnant.
After the commercial break fade-out, Jock and Miss Ellie tell Sue Ellen how thrilled they are that she and JR are expecting, and give her hugs. Jock immediately calls JR in DC to tell him that Sue Ellen has some monumental news, then hands the receiver to Sue Ellen. JR, who's still canoodling with his blonde, snaps, "What are you doing, calling me here at work?" so Sue Ellen says she has a special announcement. When she tells him she's pregnant, he looks incredulous and goes, "A baby?" then agrees, yep, it's wonderful. She asks him if he's truly happy, and he says he is and that he'll fly home first thing tomorrow. She breathily says, "I love you, JR" and he replies, "Take care. See you in the morning." Ouch. He then ambles over to a nearby mirror, stares at himself for a few seconds, and shouts, "Woo wheeee!!"
While laying in bed, Bobby tells Pam he's thrilled that Sue Ellen and JR are expecting a baby, and hopes this means that he and his brother can stop being in competition with each other about everything. He then tells Pam he knows her job means a lot to her, and she concurs and says it feels good for her to be doing something for herself...and that next to their marriage it's the most important thing in her life.
Sue Ellen meets up with Cliff to tell him about the bun in her oven...and Cliff chuckles and points out that she and JR have been married for a barren seven years, but as soon as the two of them started doinking - bam - she's suddenly pregnant. She half-heartedly says it's it's impossible for the baby to be his - and he disagrees, but says it doesn't matter either way, since he knows she'll never leave Southfork and all the perks that come along with being a Ewing wife...particularly now that she's the mother of the "heir to the Ewing throne". She's like, "Well, d'yuh" and declares their icky affair over, and Cliff looks A-OK with that and wishes her well. I guess that's that.
When JR returns home, everyone rushes out to greet him and give him congratulatory hugs. Jock growls, "I'm damn proud of you!" and JR blushes, visibly thrilled to have pleased the grizzled fossil.
When Bobby arrives home that evening, Pam says there's something she wants to talk to him about - but he says he needs to give her something first, then hands her a box that contains a grisly orange and brown dress. She cries, "It's beautiful!" and asks what it's for, so he tells her he can't have her flying off to Paris without something truly fugly to wear. She stares at him in shock and goes, "You know?" and calls him the most wonderful husband in the history of husbands. She informs him that she'll be wearing the dress at the Texas barbecue, then explains that she's decided to not go to Paris after all...'cause even though her job is important, he's waaaay more important. Bobby's like, "Phew!" and makes no attempt to talk her out of giving up a career so that she can focus all of her time and energy on him and his career. Shitbag.
Over in the study, JR pours champagne for himself and Sue Ellen...and it's a bit jarring to see a pregnant lady drinking alcohol on TV. He asks her why she went to see the doctor, so she explains that she wasn't feeling well and made an appointment to check it out. He asks her how far along she is, and she says six weeks [mmm hmm]...and he quickly does the math and realizes they couldn't have doinked six weeks ago 'cause he was in Austin around that time. She reminds him that he came home for the weekend, then asks if he has doubts that he could be the father. He shoots her a stink-eye and says, "You tell me" and she replies in a faux innocent tone, "I've been just as faithful to our marriage vows as you have, darlin'." Hee! She snarkishly reminds him that nothing matters more to him than having a precious Ewing heir, and he advances on her and smacks her across the face. OMFG! Sue Ellen glares at him and growls, "Don't you ever do that again!" and he snaps back, "I'll do anything I want to!" She tells him that those days are over, now that she finally has some leverage over him. She then taunts him about what he'll do if he learns for certain he's been cuckolded, then asks, "What will Jock think? Or the boys at the club?" She smugly declares that he's stuck with the baby's questionable paternity, then shrugs and says, "Chance are it's yours" and he looks stricken as she smirks and sashays out of the room.
Recap: Pam is in New York with her boss (Liz Craig), checking out the newest clothing lines from various designers. She gets a call from Bobby, who's annoyed that she's unable to meet him in New Orleans (where he and JR were conducting business) and then fly back to Dallas with him as they had planned. He dickishly grumbles about how her job is getting in the way of their marriage, and Pam quietly says she's in a meeting and that they can argue about his sexist horseshit when they get home.
As Bobby and JR board a small engine plane, JR bitches about being cut out of the loop on a construction meeting and reminds his brother that Ewing Construction is a subsidiary of Ewing Oil. The pilot warns them that there's a big storm headed their way, so they should probably delay the flight until morning - but JR nixes that idea 'cause they have an afternoon meeting they need to get to. The pilot reluctantly agrees, and the three climb on board. Bobby admonishes JR for never being willing to listen to anyone, then barks at him to keep his nose out of his construction company bidness and focus on Ewing Oil. JR snarks back that the reason he's all in his bidness is 'cause of how inept he is at dealing with "the old boys", then criticizes the pussy way he handles his non-conformist wife.
Jock's doctor pays a house call to Southfork to give the old goat a checkup. He cautions him against working too hard, but Jock argues that it takes a lot of energy to run a large ranch. The doctor points out that it's not necessary for him to do everything [especially when he has an entire staff of young, strapping ranch hands], then gives him an ultimatum: start following his advice, or find himself another doctor. Jock nods sheepishly and promises to consider taking it easy.
Miss Ellie pops into the room to ask Jock how the appointment went, and Jock assures her he's very healthy...then admits that the doctor ordered him to lighten up on the ranching. Miss Ellie says she likes the sound of that, but stares worriedly into space as the two hug.
Liz Craig invites Pam to lunch and then a sauna and massage - but Pam declines and says she'd better rush back to Dallas before her husband gets any angrier about her having a career. She calls Southfork and gets Lucy, who excitedly asks her how "the big city" is. Pam asks her to let Bobby know that she'll be heading to the airport soon and that her plane is scheduled to land in Dallas at 2:30pm. Lucy amiably agrees, then tells Miss Ellie and Jock about Pam's call just now. Jock grumbles that he thought Pam was meeting Bobby and JR in New Orleans and flying home with them...and Miss Ellie smiles in her annoyingly serene, let's-all-remain-calm fashion and says that Pam's plans must have changed. Jock gruffly bitches about what a disorderly household Southfork has become, and that he doesn't know where the hell anyone is anymore...and Miss Ellie and Lucy chuckle at his curmudgeonly assholery.
Bobby and JR are aboard the small plane, still bickering. Suddenly, they hear a scary crack of thunder, and the plane gets bounced around as it flies through turbulence. JR nervously remarks that it looks as though this flight is going to be a much rougher trip that he thought it would be. No duh. It's too bad the pilot didn't have the stones to stand up to you and insist on a delay.
Sue Ellen drops by Cliff's office and says she needs a favor. She invokes her muddled attempt to illegally adopt a baby in the Black Market Baby episode, and Cliff is all, "Wuh? JR agreed to that?" and Sue Ellen says he didn't, actually; in fact, when he got wind of the situation, he gave the birth mother a pile of money and sent her on her way. She says she now wants to find that birth mother and go through with the adoption, but Cliff just shakes his head and says the writers aren't interested in resurrecting that storyline - plus, she can't very well adopt a baby without JR's consent unless she divorces him. Sue Ellen mulls that over, quickly decides she has no desire to get off the Ewing gravy train anytime soon, and says divorce isn't an option. She sadly says she was hoping for a miracle, and Cliff clucks sympathetically and offers to cheer her up with some lunch.
Bobby, JR, and the pilot huddle together and look tense and afraid as their plane continues to get bounced around by turbulence. Suddenly, the pilot goes, "Ack!" and informs them that the electrical system is starting to fail. Ooooh noooo!!
Miss Ellie gets a call from someone at the airport named Bert, informing her that they lost contact with her sons' plane as it was flying over a swamp (eeek! alligators!). He tells her that no one knows exactly why it dropped off their radar, but he suspects it's related to the storm that's raging across the flight plan the pilot stupidly filed. Miss Ellie asks him to launch a search party asap - but orders him not to call the ranch again, for fear that Jock will get wind of what's happening and keel over from the shock.
Miss Ellie covertly tells Ray and Lucy about the missing plane, then orders them to keep the news from Jock. She asks Ray to pick up Pam from the airport and break the bad news to her...and Lucy tears up and offers to track down Sue Ellen. Miss Ellie says she'll take care of that, then says she has no idea where the uppity southern belle could be.
Ray leaves for the airport in a wood panelled station wagon. I wonder what happened to his blue truck.
Sue Ellen and Cliff are drinking and giggling over food and drinks. He asks her what she's doing for the rest of the day...and when she shoots him a come hither look, he says it would be a shame to waste her good mood. She tells him that JR is expected to return from New Orleans this afternoon, and he shrugs and says, "Planes are late" and urges her to call the ranch to tell them she'll be busy for the next few hours. Mmm hmm..
Ray has told Pam the distressing news, and she's walking stiffly toward the station wagon, zombie-like, with a stricken look on her face. Ray tells her she's going to have to stop looking so freaked out by the time they reach Southfork, 'cause Miss Ellie has ordered everyone to act like nothing's wrong in front of Jock.
Sue Ellen calls Southfork and gets a decree from Miss Ellie to come home immediately, so she cancels her afternoon romp with Cliff and rushes home.
Pam enters the house looking tearful and dazed. She confirms to Miss Ellie that Ray told her the news, and the two women hug. Miss Ellie urges her to dry her eyes before Jock sees her, then heads to the study to see if there's any word from the search party.
Miss Ellie calls Bert and asks him if the search party has located the plane yet. He tells her that the choppers are still searching - but that the storm is making it rough.
Sue Ellen enters the house, loudly complaining about being summoned home...and Pam quickly steers her over to a sitting room and tells her to shut it so she can explain what's going on. She tells her that Bobby's/JR's plane disappeared off the radar, then tries to comfort her with a hug, but Sue Ellen isn't interested in being bonded with and bitchily shoves her away. Miss Ellie enters the room to report that the searchers aren't able to see too much 'cause of the storm...then scrunches her face in misery and says she can't bear the thought of losing both of her sons.
At dinner, the Ewing womenfolk struggle to make light conversation for Jock's benefit. Pam talks about her trip to New York and says she was too busy to do any sightseeing - and Jock snorts derisively and retorts, "I think you'd do better travelling with Bobby than Liz Craig. You'd have a much better time." Pam politely says she didn't have a bad time, 'cause she enjoys her work so much...and Jock nosily asks her if she and Bobby had a fight over her change of plans. Miss Ellie tells him it's none of their business, but Pam openly admits that, yeah, Bobby was a bit miffed when she told him she wasn't able to fly to Louisiana. Jock says it's probably why he missed this afternoon's meeting, and Pam quietly replies, "He wouldn't do that." Miss Ellie tells him that JR and Bobby decided to stay in New Orleans because of a bad storm...and when Jock asks why they haven't called, she says the phones are down. Jock mulls that over, grunts something unintelligible, then says he's off to the study to do some paperwork.
Lucy tries to get in touch with Gary by calling the casino where he used to work. Sue Ellen overhears the conversation, snatches the phone away, and slams it down. She snarls, "Wait until we know they're dead, at least!" and Lucy's like, "WTF? They're his brothers!" and Sue Ellen haughtily tells her that Jock will be the one to decide if he wants Gary at Southfork. Lucy gets mad and calls her a money grubbing whore, so Sue Ellen calls her a brat and tries to smack her - but Lucy blocks her hand and smugly retorts, "That's right. I'm a Ewing brat. A born Ewing." She mocks Sue Ellen's insecurity about not having a little brat of her own...then says if JR turns up dead, she'll never get to be the Grand Dame of Southfork. It's sad when such lofty dreams have to die.
Miss Ellie gets a call from Ken Jackson of the Dallas Press, who just got the news that JR's/Bobby's plane has been reported missing. Miss Ellie snarks, "No comment!" and slams the phone down...then calls Ray and orders him to lock down all access points to the ranch, particularly from nosy reporters.
Jock is in the study smoking a cigar when Miss Ellie enters the room. She takes away his cigar, forbids him to pour himself a brandy, and barks at him to follow the doctor's orders.
Ray gathers all the ranch hands together and orders them to set up blockades and stand guard so that no pesky reporters are able to trespass onto the property. He makes it clear that they're not to shoot any interlopers - thanks for clarifying the no murder policy, Ray - and emphasizes that the main goal is to keep them away from the main house.
Sue Ellen is boozing it up in the living room when Pam enters. She urges her sister-in-law to quit drinking, but Sue Ellen pours herself another drink and starts rambling about how much she looooves JR['s money] and how cushy and pampered everything in her life is, purely 'cause of who she married. [Well duh, Sue Ellen. That is the general premise of the show.] She tells Pam she had lunch with an attractive man today - then wonders if he only found her attractive 'cause she's JR's wife. Considering that it was Cliff...yeah, probably. Pam half-heartedly says, "That's not true" then tries to get her to go upstairs and into bed. She urges her to hold out hope that JR and Bobby are coming home - and Sue Ellen chuckles drunkenly and accuses her of liking the Ewing money and privilege just as much as she does, and says she wouldn't want to go back to being ol' Miss Barnes again. Pam gets angry and snaps, "I'm not going to listen to your disgusting self pity about your finances" and Sue Ellen shoots her the stink-eye and growls, "How dare you talk to me like that!!" then suddenly breaks into laughter and asks her how many men paid her bills before she hooked up with Bobby. Pam gives her a hard face smack across the face (awesome!!) and yells back that she's always paid her own bills and worked for a living - just like she's doing now. She yells, "What did you ever do?" and Sue Ellen starts weeping and whimpering about how she'll lose everything if JR dies and leaves her without a Ewing heir to desperately cling to. She then grasps Pam's hand, and Pam squeezes it back.
Miss Ellie lumbers downstairs and tells Ray she just tucked Jock into bed and watched him drift off to sleep. Ray tells her he's handling the reporter/trespassing situation...but a few seconds later, Ken Jackson from the Dallas Press raps on the door and asks them for a statement regarding the downed airplane. Bwahahahaha! Nice work, Ray. Miss Ellie asks Ken how he got onto the ranch, and he tells her about a secret, unguarded trail he had knowledge of. She admonishes him for having no respect for a family's grief, calls him a vulture, then asks Ray to bring her the shotgun (!). Ray obediently retrieves it and hands it to her, and she warns the reporter that anyone on her land without an invitation is a trespasser, then orders him to get lost before she goes completely postal and starts firing. She then needlessly screeches at the top of her lungs, "GET OUT! GET OUT!" as the reporter flees. When she goes back inside, she sees that Jock is standing on the stairs glaring at her, his eyes brimming with tears. Miss Ellie winces and goes, "You heard..?" - bwahahahaha! - then explains that she was afraid to tell him that two of his sons may have perished in a plane crash. Jock growls, "When are you going to understand, woman? That I'm all right." [Except that you're not all right, Jock. Also, it's weird to call your wife woman.] The two then run into each other's arms and start weeping. Miss Ellie tells him it's not certain that JR and Bobby are dead, and that there's still a good, nay excellent chance that they'll be found alive and well before the end credits start rolling.
Jock orders Ray to join the search party, then tells him he used to teach JR how to signal for help if he was ever marooned near a swamp: three of anything. He therefore urges Ray to keep an eye out for three shots, three flares, three mirror flashes, three shrieks for help, etc. He then gets choked up and asks Ray to bring his boys home, dead or alive, and Ray solemnly promises.
Miss Ellie informs Pam that Ray will be joining the search in the morning...then admits she's scared that the news will be bad. Pam urges her to not to think the worst, and Miss Ellie gets a faraway look in her eyes and reminisces about her boys' childhood, blah blah... The two women hug, and Miss Ellie assures her daughter-in-law that she hasn't given up hope.
The next morning, Ray is flying a chopper around the swampy area where the plane reportedly went down...but so far he hasn't spotted anything.
Jock finds Lucy on the patio fixing breakfast. She acts all sunny and happy until he tells her to cut the shit 'cause he knows about JR and Bobby. She casts her head down and says sorry, then says he should probably call Gary and let him know that his brothers could be dead. Jock says he doesn't want to waste a moment's time on his black sheep of a son...and when Lucy reminds him that Bobby and JR are his brothers, he snaps, "I don't want to hear anymore about it, Lucy!" What a malevolent dick.
Ray is still flying around his chopper, visibly frustrated by the fruitless search. But a few minutes later - is it? could it be? - he spots plane debris! The camera zooms in on the crash site, and we can hear JR and Bobby talking excitedly about being rescued. Hurray! JR yells, "Over here!" and Ray spots them and is all, "Woo hoo!" He radios ground control to let them know that the Ewing brothers have been found alive. No word on the pilot, however.
Ray calls Jock and tells him the good news. Jock tearfully says, "Bring them home" then starts weeping with joy.
Ray ferries JR and Bobby back to Southfork in his station wagon. They climb out the car looking bloodied and banged up, which makes me wonder why Ray didn't immediately rush them to a hospital so they could be checked out for any internal injuries. Miss Ellie rushes out of the house, followed by Sue Ellen, Pam, and Lucy. They stare at Bobby and JR for several seconds before Pam runs over to Bobby and collapses against him in a happy hug. Sue Ellen and JR hug awkwardly...and when Jock emerges from the house, JR gives him a respectful nod and says, "I remembered, dad." From this I think we're supposed to assume that the rescue hinged upon JR sending out some type of [unspecified] SOS message. Jock says he's proud of both of them, and gives each of his sons a manly hug. As the men go inside, Miss Ellie happily says it's good to see all that hugging among Ewings. Sue Ellen walks toward the house saying, "JR might need me" and Lucy chuckles and quips, "She wishes" then gets reprimanded by Miss Ellie. Bobby pops back outside and urges Pam to come in, and she smilingly walks over to him.
Still no word about the fate of the pilot.
Recap: JR, Bobby, and Jock are in a meeting with a gaggle of old white men, discussing who they want to endorse to run against Cliff Barnes in the upcoming Senate race. One of them floats Martin Cole - a civic councilman, lawyer, and all-around pliable guy. The group mulls over that suggestion and agrees that he'd be an adequate Ewing puppet if elected into office. Bobby describes Martin Cole as "dull, but clean and honest" and volunteers to be the campaign's point person. One of the men asks him if taking on that role is going to cause problems with the wifey, but Bobby assures them it won't...and then grizzled Jock gruffly adds, "Bobby knows where his loyalties lie. He's a Ewing, first and last."
Pam meets up with Cliff for lunch in the park. He asks her if she knows who the Ewings are backing in the election, and she tells him they're prolly deciding that right now...but she has no idea who they're considering. Cliff scrunches his face worriedly and says the Ewings will spare no expense to get their puppet elected, which means he needs to step up on his fundraising so he can pay for TV ads. To that end, he asks her if she would please plan a fashion show fundraiser with the goal of raising $50,000, and Pam makes a face and complains that she's going to get all kinds of flak from the Ewings. Cliff gets annoyed, pissy, and starts questioning her loyalty to her only brother, so Pam throws in the towel and reluctantly agrees.
That evening, the Ewings descend on Pam while she's in the study and ask her whassup with all the fashion design sketches she's working on. Pam tells them that she's organizing a fashion show fundraiser for Cliff's Senate campaign, and Jock pissily snaps at Bobby, "I thought you said she was just stuffing envelopes!" Pam explains - not that it's any of his business - that since Cliff is her brother, she's not going to not help him out, then says she'd prefer to discuss the matter with Bobby in private. Jock growls that Bobby doesn't have secrets from his family, and JR chooses that moment to smugly inform Pam that Bobby is in charge of raising campaign funds for their candidate, Martin Cole. Pam's just like, "Whatever" and quietly packs up her sketches and exits the room. It remains a mystery why she's still willing to live under the same roof as these awful people.
After dinner, Bobby and Pam go upstairs to discuss their roles in the opposing campaigns. Pam says that Cliff doesn't have anyone but her to plan the fashion show fundraiser - unlike the Ewing-financed machine that Martin Cole has supporting his campaign. Further to that, she snarks that if Cliff loses the race, the Ewing family is going to control everything and everyone in the state of Texas. Bobby calls her a "knee-jerk radical" like her brother, so she angrily retorts that someone has to stand up to corruption, exploitation, and greed. Bobby denies that his family commits any such sins, and that his grizzled daddy built an empire purely 'cause he was smart, hardworking, and lucky. Pam tells him they'll have to agree to disagree 'bout that version of history, and says it's clear they've each chosen their side.
Sue Ellen is hosting a candidates' debate sponsored by Daughters of the Alamo. After the Q&A session, Cliff notices Sue Ellen checking him out, so he struts over and the two enjoy some flirty banter. After a few minutes, Peter Larson (Cliff's campaign manager) comes over to let them know that their conversation is raising eyebrows among the judgemental voters in attendance, so Sue Ellen formally shakes Cliff's hand and loudly thanks him for coming...and Cliff loudly retorts that he's confident he'll win the election.
JR admonishes Martin Cole for being a shitty candidate and allowing Cliff Barnes to creep up in the polls. He complains that his family keeps pumping money into his campaign, but is getting nothing in return. Martin weakly assures him that in time things will turn in his favor, to which Jock snaps, "We don't have time!" and orders him to hire a decent speechwriter and spruce up his fugly wardrobe. He then turns to JR and gruffly orders him to buy the puppet some better clothes, along with some more TV time. After Martin is brusquely dismissed, Jock complains that the guy is a washout who doesn't stand a chance of winning. JR concurs, and the two put their heads together to think of ways they can undermine Cliff's candidacy. Jock suggests he find some dirt on Peter Larson, and JR likes the sound of that and says that if he finds no skeletons in the man's closet, he'll put some there.
During dinner, Sue Ellen tattles to Miss Ellie about how Pam hasn't touched her dinner, and Pam politely says she's not very hungry. JR jokes that he hopes she's not getting sick and will have to step down from helping Cliff with his campaign...then redirects the conversation to Martin Cole. Miss Ellie asks Jock if they've hired a new speechwriter yet, and Jock tells her they're looking for someone with the credentials of someone like Peter Larson...then remarks how expensive Peter must be. He asks Pam how Cliff is able to afford him on his shoestring budget, so she explains that Peter and Cliff were roommates in college...and Peter is volunteering his services out of respect for their close friendship. JR looks faux shocked and says that managing a Senate campaign seems to go beyond ordinary friendship, then pretends to be intrigued by the closeness of the two men's relationship. He smirkishly says, "There's a growing phenomenon these days, but not something I can understand" and Lucy looks aghast and chirps, "You mean to tell me that that gorgeous Cliff Barnes is..?" Ellie orders her to shut it and says she doesn't like the tone of this conversation, and Pam snaps, "Neither do I." JR comes right out and says it's just plain weird for a thirty-something man to still be single, and Pam takes the bait and tells him it just so happens that Cliff was once engaged to a woman who worked with Peter's father. JR asks her whatever became of this alleged fiancee, and Pam quietly says she died in an accident and doesn't remember much about it...then completely clams up.
After dinner, JR makes a beeline to the study and gets on the horn with a private investigator and orders him to look into Cliff's past - specifically his possibly gay lifestyle or hetero/dead fiancee scandal.
Pam sits outside on the front porch, staring despondently into space. A few seconds later, Bobby joins her and reminds her that as husband and wife they need to communicate with each other even during the hard time...but Pam says it's difficult to do that when they're on opposite sides of an upcoming campaign. Bobby asks her how Cliff's fiancee died...and when Pam refuses to divulge any of the details, Bobby tells her it sucks that she doesn't feel as though she can trust him. Well duh. You're a Ewing, "first and last".
The following day, JR hears back from his private investigator and is delighted at what he was able to uncover. He calls Jock at the ranch and tells him they hit pay dirt, then laughs about how Cliff broke the cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman. Or a live hooker.
Pam, Cliff, and Cliff's campaign volunteers are busily setting up for the fashion show fundraiser when a reporter and cameraman suddenly burst in for an impromptu live interview. The reporter goes on the air announcing that Cliff Barnes has just been implicated in the abortion death of a woman he was engaged to ten years ago...and as everyone within hearing range gasps in shock, Peter immediately shuts down the interview and tells the reporter they have no comment. When the reporter continues peppering Cliff with questions, he tells her he'll release a statement for the press this evening. Peter ushers the reporter and cameraman out of the venue...and Cliff stares into space looking completely discombobulated, while Pam sheepishly scrunches her face.
Cliff gathers his campaign staff together so he can tell everyone the story of Penny's unfortunate demise. The two lovebirds were living together, and she had just passed her entrance exam into law school when she discovered that Cliff had knocked her up. She insisted on getting an abortion, which was illegal at the time, and - blah blah blah...long story short - the doctor she went to did a hatchet job on her insides and she bled to death. Cliff admits that he helped arrange the illegal abortion, and will issue a statement to help water down the horrible incident. He then tears up and professes his love for Penny and says, in his defense, he was only trying to fulfill her fervent wish to remain childless.
Cliff retires to his office with Peter. Cliff says he can't figure out who would have leaked the information about Penny, since the only people who knew about her were the two of them and Pam. Peter asks him if it's possible that Pam is the culprit, but Cliff swiftly rejects that notion.
Pam bursts into JR's office at Ewing Oil, where he and Jock are huddled together, gloating over Cliff's bad press. She bellows, "How?! How could you have done it?" then glares at Jock and snaps, "And you! You let him!" Jock shrugs indifferently and retorts, "Politics is politics" to which Pam tearfully snarks, "That's your excuse?!" She admonishes them for being self serving douchetards, and JR retorts that she has a biased opinion of her brother, then reminds her that he committed an illegal act. Pam accuses him of distorting the truth and declares them both despicable...then wails about how she doesn't know how to play by their dirty rules - but as soon as she figures it out she'll make them pay for what they've done.
Pam drops by Cliff's apartment to lament the unfairness of the Ewings' smear campaign...and to 'fess up about unwittingly spilling the beans about about his dead fiancee during a Ewing family dinner. She sheepishly tells him that the words accidentally tumbled out of her mouth...and before she knew it, JR was off and running. Cliff is all, "Wha-a?!!", gets enraged, refuses to believe it was an accident, and accuses her of doing it for Bobby. She yells, "How dare you!" and denies deliberately betraying him to curry favor with her shitty in-laws. Cliff refuses to listen to another word and rails about how the Ewings destroy everything - and that she's becoming just like them. He yells, "Go back where you belong!" and a tearful Pam exits the apartment and slinks back to Southfork.
Pam is laying in bed, despondently staring into space. Bobby comes in to ask her whassup, so she tells him what happened at the fashion show venue, and that the only reason the sordid tale is all over the news is 'cause JR exploited what she innocently told the family at dinner the other night. Bobby shows little sympathy and says that this sort of thing "is the name of the game", and a disgusted Pam says he sounds just like his creepy father. She whines that Cliff thinks she deliberately leaked this information to JR, and Bobby assures her that Cliff will come around, and that by the time the end credits roll everything will be hunky-dory.
Election night! The Ewings are hosting a party for Martin Cole and his supporters...and when the election results are announced on the TV, JR congratulates Martin Cole to the cheering crowd. Pam, meanwhile, sits in the study, looking sad. Sue Ellen sits next to her and expresses her condolences, then tells her she's genuinely sorry that the best man didn't win. When Pam's all, "Wuh?" Sue Ellen says it would have been nice if, for once, JR didn't get what he wanted. Bobby enters the room and asks Pam if she's OK, and she sadly tells him that when she phoned Cliff earlier, he asked her what the Ewings offered her in exchange for helping destroy his campaign. Bobby insists they both go downtown and talk to Cliff right now and get the matter sorted out.
Cliff and Peter are watching Martin Cole on TV deliver his acceptance speech. After a few minutes, Peter turns off the TV and invites Cliff to join him in drowning his sorrows at a nearby bar, but Cliff declines and says he's not in the mood to drink. After Peter heads off, Bobby and Pam arrive at campaign headquarters...and Cliff scowls at them and says he doesn't believe for a minute that Pam accidentally told JR about his dead fiancee. Pam swears she never told anyone the details about Penny's death, and Bobby corroborates that and says JR must have dug around and found out the rest for himself. Pam tearfully tells her brother that she loves him and would never intentionally hurt him, and Cliff finally softens and says he loves her too...and the two hug it out. Bobby proposes they all go to a bar and smooth everything over with a drink, but Cliff declines and says he'd like to sit by himself and do some deep thinking about his future.
After Pam and Bobby leave, Cliff phones Peter at the bar and asks him to get in touch with someone named Livingstone and find out if he has enough money to buy the next Senate seat...or, better yet, a seat in Congress. He declares, "I've just become a realist."
And so the tedious Ewing-Barnes feud continues..