Recap: Janette Bradford is staring despondently at her husband Lucas as he natters at her about what a bad time it is for him to be away from the office. She wryly says it always seems to be a bad time for him to want to carve out quality time with her, so he snarkishly points out that he has no choice but to be a workaholic 'cause someone's gotta pay for their extravagant house and fancy toys. Janette says she doesn't care about any of that material stuff, but that she's actually A-OK with going on this week's Love Boat cruise by herself 'cause she has some serious life decisions to contemplate. Lucas seems indifferent to that red flag and gives his wife a cheek kiss before wishing her [and his marriage] bon voyage. A few feet away, a blonde man named Dennis Kingsley, who's been watching the exchange, wanders over to Lucas. Lucas asks him if he got a good long look at his wife...and when Dennis says he did, Lucas reminds him that his task will be to follow her around on the down-low and report back to him if/when he catches her engaging in any illicit hanky panky.

Maurice Marshall and his wife Stella board the ship and grumble to Julie that their twenty-three year marriage is the shits. Maurice pulls out one of his business cards that's in the shape of a sausage and proudly tells Julie he's known as "the sausage king" ... and Julie feigns interest in his sausage making company as she scans the passenger list and gives them the number of their assigned suite. Maurice and Stella head up the staircase, bickering non-stop in case we had any doubt about what a misery their twenty-three year marriage has become for them, along with anyone who has the misfortune of being in their orbit.   

Dale Reinhardt races after Joanne, aka the woman he hooked up with for one weekend, declared his love to, but was unceremoniously dumped so that she could move on to her next squeeze. Joanne tells him she feels nothing for him and much prefers hanging with her newest boy toy, not least 'cause he drives a fancy Mercedes. As she flees the lobby, Dale marches over to the front desk and tells Gopher he desperately needs to book a ticket for this cruise - but Gopher's like, "No can do" and tells him that the cruise is fully booked. When Dale asks him to double-check the passenger list in case there was a cancellation, Gopher discovers that there is one opening - but that he can't give it to him 'cause it's for a shared accommodation with a woman. Dale mulls over that setback as he wanders around the lobby and studies the arriving passengers: a woman carrying a wig box and a group of tall ladies with unattended suitcases. He glances around furtively before grabbing the wig box and suitcases and scampers up the staircase undetected.

Inside the men's room, Dale emerges from a stall decked out in a red-haired wig and a hideous red polka-dot dress, looking every bit as absurdly mannish as one would expect a man with a distinctly non-feminine build and/or facial features to look like. S(he) heads back to the front desk, introduces her/himself as Dale Riley, and asks Gopher if there are any available tickets for sale. Gopher tells her/him s(he)'s in luck 'cause there's one available ticket left, which he's only allowed to sell to a woman since it's for a shared accommodation with a female...and by woman he means a man who's unconvincingly trying to pass himself off as a woman and looks suspiciously like the man who was inquiring about purchasing a cruise ticket just a few minutes earlier. 

As the ship sets sail, the passengers converge on the deck so they can simultaneously wave goodbye and litter the ocean with streamers and confetti...and Janette stares sadly into space while Dennis keeps a close eye on her from a distance.

She-Dale locates her/his cabin and finds the woman inside sobbing. When s(he) asks whassup, the woman tearfully introduces herself as Susan Ridley and explains that she's supposed to be on her honeymoon - but that it's not actually her honeymoon 'cause her husband-to-be (Jerry) ran off with another woman just hours before the wedding. She-Dale tells her that the man is clearly an idiot, then says they have something in common 'cause s(he) was also just jilted. Susan's like, "Oh, bummer" and slips out of her negligee and announces that she's taking a shower...and a flustered She-Dale gasps as if s(he)'s never seen boobies before.

After dinner, Janette is enjoying a glass of wine when a handsome gentleman approaches her and invites her to dance. She politely declines and tells him she's waiting for someone, then decides to call it a night and wanders over to the bar to settle the bill with Isaac. When Isaac nosily calls her out on fibbing to the gentleman just now, she says she did that 'cause she didn't want to hurt his feelings, then says she's off to her cabin to get a good night's sleep. Dennis, who's been sitting at the far end of the bar on his secret spy mission, stares after her in contemplative puzzlement. 

The next morning, Dale is in search of a linen closet so he can change back into his fugly lady clothes when he happens to run into Julie. He tells her he'd like to know the cabin number of his ex-girlfriend so he can stalk her throughout the cruise, and she tells him she'd be more than happy to violate the woman's privacy and looks her up on the passenger list. Dale then makes a beeline over to Joanne's cabin - and is miffed to see that there's an if this room's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin' sign on the doorknob. Ouch.

Janette is playing a game of solitaire, while Doc for some reason is hovering over her and mansplaining what each move should be. A few seconds later, a bosomy woman sashays over and reminds Doc that he promised her a private tour of the ship - mmm hmm - and Doc heads off with her and leaves Janette to her card game. The ever-present Dennis notices all this from his seat at the end of the bar and stares over at Janette with a look of heightened contemplative puzzlement.

Captain Stubing notices She-Dale exiting the linen closet decked out in the hideous red polka-dot dress. When he asks She-Dale whassup with exiting the linen closet, s(he) giggles and says she could have sworn the sign said ladies room...and Captain Stubing decides that that sounds like a reasonable answer and looks visibly charmed by the giggling moose woman.

As Maurice and Stella get ready for dinner, Maurice says he plans to give the Captain a package of his sausages in the hope of hustling free advertising for his sausage business. He asks Stella to put the package in her purse, and she snipes about having to carry around a stinky package of sausage...and soon the two are bickering back and forth. They enter the elevator and get so irked at each other that they begin arguing about skipping dinner/not skipping dinner and repeatedly press the up/down elevator buttons. Eventually this breaks the elevator, which comes to an abrupt stop and effectively traps the two inside. [Please do not free them.]

Dennis is having dinner with a couple he met at the bar the other night, and they inform him that they've gotten to know a nice single gal and invited her to join them. By scripted coincidence, the "single" gal turns out to be Janette, who politely greets Dennis as he pours her a glass of wine and gazes at her with undisguised smittenness.

Julie informs Captain Stubing that a bickering couple is trapped in an elevator 'cause they somehow shorted the wiring, and he's all, "Why the hell are you telling me this? Call the elevator repairman." 

After dinner, Dennis strolls around the deck with Janette and shows her photos of his children and late wife, who he says he misses terribly 'cause they used to do everything together. Janette chews on that lovely sentiment for a few seconds before telling him that, in contrast, her dickwad of a husband was too busy working to go on this cruise with her. Dennis calls him "very foolish", then swiftly changes the subject by inviting her to join him in the nightclub for a dance...and in the next scene, the two are on the dance floor, contently swaying together.  

Susan is blubbering again about being jilted by Jerry, and She-Dale assures her she'll soon find someone else...then gives her a comforting hug before asking why in blazes she appears to be naked under the bedsheet. Susan explains that she didn't pack much in the way of sleepwear 'cause she thought she'd be on her honeymoon, and She-Dale moans hornily and says s(he)'s going to need a cold shower pronto.

Maurice and Stella are still stuck in the elevator, bickering about divorcing, splitting their assets, and deciding who gets custody of their kids...blah blah. My brain tuned out until the repairman finally arrives on the scene, fixes the wiring, and is able to open the elevator doors. By this time, Maurice and Stella have taken a break from bickering and are in mid-smooch...and when they realize that Captain Stubing and the repairman are standing in front of the elevator, gawking at them, Maurice presses the close button so that he and his wife can continue their smoochfest in private.

Dennis exits the gift shop and shows Janette the Hemingway book he just bought, says it's his favorite, and give it to her as a gift. She squeals, "Ooooh! I love A Moveable Feast!" and thanks him for the sweet gesture.

Dale covertly spies on Joanne as she suns herself on a lounger beside her new boyfriend...and when the boyfriend excuses himself to go make a phone call, Dale rushes over, professes his love for her, and pleads with her to resume their hookup. Joanne groans in annoyance, says she doesn't love him, never loved him, and that she wants him to permanently get lost so she can focus on her new rich boyfriend and his Mercedes.

Janette and Dennis continue to enjoy each other's company by playing a wholesome game of backgammon. Ho hum.

Dale is about to end it all by leaping overboard - hurray! - when he notices that Susan is about to do the same thing. He rushes over to where she's about to jump and tells her that no guy is worth committing suicide over...and Susan mulls that over and decides 'yep, he's probably right'. As Dale tries to help her climb back over the railing, he loses his grip and somehow they both slip and plunge overboard. Fortunately for them, the man overboard! alarm is immediately raised, and a team of rescuers immediately get into action scooping the two idiots out of the ocean.   

Dale and Susan are in her cabin, wrapped up in blankets as they drink tea and cackle about their near death experience. When Dale invites her to have dinner with him this evening, she says she promised her mannish cabin-mate she'd dine with her...then adds that she kinda feels obligated to hang out with her on account of how unsightly she must be to the opposite sex. Dale says he totally understands, then suggests they meet up at the nightclub after dinner.

Over dinner, Susan tells She-Dale about the gorgeous passenger who saved her from her half-hearted suicide attempt...then blushingly says she'd totally be into tapping that. She-Dale perks up at that sexy admission...and when Susan asks him if (s)he'd mind finding somewhere else to sleep tonight, (s)he bobs her/his head enthusiastically.

As a completely oblivious Susan rushes off to meet Dale at the nightclub, She-Dale happens to encounter Captain Stubing, who flirtily insists on getting to know her better and forcibly steers her into his private quarters. Yeesh. Easy there, Cap'n. Susan, meanwhile, gets impatient while waiting for Dale to show up at the nightclub and asks Julie if she could please look up his cabin number...and Julie says that since violating passengers' privacy is the general policy on this ship, she'd be more than happy to provide that service.  

Dennis is dancing cheek to cheek with Janette, lamenting about how quickly the days are passing. He gazes into her lovely eyes and leans in for a kiss - but Janette gently rebuffs him and says she really doesn't want to deceive her husband, douchebag though he is, 'cause she prizes trust and respect above all else. She then gives him a quick peck before rushing out of the nightclub.

Captain Stubing moans to She-Dale that life at sea can get so lonely that eventually a hairy man in drag starts looking good to him...and She-Dale manages to wriggle out of the Captain's amorous embrace, promises to meet up with him tomorrow, and beats a hasty retreat. When he reaches the linen closet to revert back to his manself, he's all, "Ack!" when he realizes that someone has stolen his shirt and pants.

Julie tells Susan that she checked the passenger list and couldn't find anyone by the name of Dale Reinhardt, and Susan throws a fit and screeches about how men always lie, then storms out of the nightclub. She runs into She-Dale and tearfully explains that she was just stood up by Dale...and She-Dale's like, "Uh, about that.." and says there's something s(he) needs to reveal to her asap. Once the the two reach their cabin, we hear a startled sounding Susan say, "Dale..?" then purr, "Ooooh, Dale.."

The next morning, Janette asks Julie if she happens to know where Dennis went off to, and Julie tells her he went ashore during the ship's last stop so he could fly back to Los Angeles a day early.

Dale tells Gopher he wants to book two tickets on a future cruise for Mr. and Mrs. Reinhardt - just as Captain Stubing comes over, gives Dale a once over, and tells him he didn't recall seeing him during the cruise...then remarks on how there's something oddly familiar about him. Dale says he saw plenty of him as he flirted with a mannish redhead by the linen closet, then squeaks, "Bye!" in his She-Dale voice...causing Captain Stubing to stare bewilderedly after him and mutter, "Noooo...it couldn't be" even though, yes Captain, it be.  

When the ship docks in Los Angeles, a cheery looking Maurice and Stella thank Julie for a wonderful cruise, and cackle about how being trapped in an elevator for hours was the highlight of their dull-as-fuck storyline.

Dennis rushes aboard the ship, finds Janette, and hands her his business card as he confesses that her shitty husband hired him to follow her around to get proof of her infidelity. He explains that he flew back to Los Angeles early so he could give her a glowing review to Lucas, and also give him his money back. He then declares, "I love you", and that he'd be more than happy to wait around for how ever long it takes her to divorce the shithead. Janette mulls that over as she saunters off the ship and to where Lucas is waiting by his car. When he asks her how the cruise went, she hands him Dennis's business card and says, "I met your man" ... and a shame-faced Lucas suggests they go home and talk things out. Janette says it's pretty clear that they no longer have anything to talk about, then says he actually did her a favor. She informs him that she's checking into a hotel pending the filing of their divorce, and he just kind of shrugs and goes, "Uh, OK. See ya." Janette hails the next available taxi, which just happens to have a hopeful looking Dennis sitting in the back seat. He offers to give her a lift, and she grins back at him and says that, yep, she could definitely use one, then climbs into the back seat beside him.

"Captain & the Lady / Centerfold / One If by Land.."
Original airdate: 9/24/1977

Episode summary: Captain Stubing is tormented by his bitchy ex-wife, who's now married to one of the ship's line directors. A young lawyer tries to keep her congressman fiancé from finding out that she once posed nude in Kitten. A buffoonish exterminator urges his girlfriend to give up on the idea of marriage.

Recap: Julie chirps to Gopher in what will become her trademark I'm-so-perky-I-could-burst! manner about what a grrrrrreat day it is - just as a cranky Captain Stubing stumbles onto the set and snarks at Gopher to get a haircut. Once he's safely out of earshot, Julie tells Gopher she thinks she might have an idea who shit in their boss's Cornflakes, then informs him that this week's passenger list includes Aubrey Skogstad, aka one of the directors of the ship's line, along with his cunty wife Stacy. As the passengers begin to stream aboard, Julie and Gopher soon come face-to-face with the Skogstads. They politely welcome the couple aboard and lay it on thick about their availability 24/7 to cater to their every whim, and Stacy responds by mockingly referring to Gopher as "an obsequious runt" and ordering Julie to report to her cabin in an hour. She snidely adds, "You can leave the Shirley Temple routine outside", and Julie somehow refrains from telling her up which orifice she can shove her surly bitchitude.

Ronald Baker pulls up to Port Pacific Princess in his rickety van labelled Hired Killer: Exterminator To the Stars and bellows after his girlfriend Ginny to not board the ship. She ignores him and races aboard, checks in with Gopher, and quickly finds her assigned cabin. Ronald boards the ship and screeches at no one in particular, "Don't let her stay on the boat! She's got bugs!" while Ginny meets her shapely, tube top clad cabin-mate, Lorraine.

Gopher sharply asks Ronald if he's a passenger, and Ronald says no, but that he's looking for a passenger named Ginny O'Brien. Gopher says he can't help him and orders him off the ship 'cause they're about to set sail, so Ronald wanks him about how a man of his [wee] stature could surely help him out, then calls him Captain. Gopher blushes girlishly while repeating, "Captain..", then decides he likes the sound of that enough to compromise Ginny's privacy and reveal her cabin number. After Ronald scampers off, Captain Stubing ambles over and wryly asks, "How is everything, Captain?", and Gopher says that everything is ship-shape - before cluing in that he's in the presence of the actual Captain. He nervously natters incoherently before retreating to his post.

Lorraine tells Ginny she hopes she won't mind getting lost for while if she wants to "entertain" a gentleman friend in the cabin, then says she'd be happy to return the favor. Ronald suddenly bursts into the cabin yelling, "Shazam!", gives Ginny a long forcible smooch, and reminds her that they've been living together happily ever after for two years. Ginny says she's dunzo with their relationship 'cause of what an immature, irresponsible, commitment-phobic assclown he is...and Ronald concurs that, nope, he's definitely not interested in getting married - but points out that his extermination business is listed in the Yellow Pages, which in his mind makes him a mature, responsible non-assclown. An exasperated Ginny shrieks, "Bug off!" and shoves him out of the cabin.

Sandy asks Julie if there's a newsstand on the ship, then says she could sure use a new friend with whom she can share a deep dark secret. Julie naturally says she's game, so Sandy points over at her fiancé, Congressman Brad Brockway, and sheepishly admits that a number of years ago, she posed nude for a magazine called Kitten - LOL, meow! - and now that she's engaged to the prominent politician, the photos have suddenly resurfaced. She tells Julie she booked this cruise as a way of getting Brad away from all media, and Julie puts her concerned face on and informs Sandy that the ship carries Kitten in its gift shop...'cause I guess they like to offer some rare R-rated enjoyment to their less wholesome passengers.

Captain Stubing barks, "Come in!" when Julie knocks on his office door, then chides her for being "so saccharine" and making him feel as though he's watching a Shirley Temple movie. Julie wonders aloud what everyone has against Shirley Temple, then tells the Captain she just dropped by to inform him that one of the cruise line directors is a passenger this episode. She mumblingly adds that she invited him and his wife to dine at his table this evening - and Captain Stubing interrupts and correctly guesses that Mrs. Skogstad snidely told her she'd be delighted to dine at the Captain's table, just so long as the Captain eats elsewhere.

That evening, Captain Stubing arrives at his table and greets the passengers seated there. He tells Stacy he got her message - but decided to ignore it, given that as Captain he's entitled to sit at the Captain's table. Stacy calls him a bozo, makes it clear that he's not welcome to dine in her presence, and says her husband's "muscle" as a line director outranks his piddly Captain title. Captain Stubing chews on that insult for a few seconds, then politely informs the other dinner guests he has important duties on the bridge he needs to attend to. As he slinks out of the dining room, Julie, Gopher, and Doc express their amazement that their boss managed to keep his temper in check throughout the humiliating encounter...and the camera pans over to the deck, where Captain Stubing shrieks in frustration at the night sky, causing a couple canoodling nearby to become so startled by the unexpected outburst that they both lose their footing and fall into the swimming pool. Womp womp!

The next morning, Julie drops by Sandy's cabin to deliver all of the available copies of Kitten that were for sale in the gift shop, then asks her why in blazes she debased herself by posing for a nudie rag called Kitten. Sandy sheepishly explains that she did it to pay for her law school tuition...and that she wore a wig, used a phoney name, and prayed that no one would ever find out. When she wails, "I can't lose Brad over this!", Julie points out that he'll likely find out sooner or later...and Sandy replies, "Better later than sooner." She then freaks out anew when Julie informs her that three copies of Kitten were sold to three randy male passengers before she had a chance to scoop them all up.

Stacy Skogstad is railing at a beleaguered looking Gopher about the incompetent clusterfuckery that is the management of this cruise ship, and he mumbles defensive one-liners in response. 

Ginny and Lorraine return from a day of shopping in Puerto Vallarta when a poncho clad Ronald leaps out of nowhere and bellows, "Buenos dios, mama!" and tells Ginny he drove all the way from Los Angeles to Puerto Vallarta so he could continue making an ass of himself during her vacay. Ginny looks touched and dreamily says she's soooo looking forward to telling their children that daddy loved her so much he drove all the way to Mexico to propose to her...and Ronald scrunches his face in a demented look of horror as he repeats, "Children..? Daddy..?" then howls, "Check please!" Ginny's all, "Wuh? You mean you didn't drive all the way here to propose?", and he's like, "Uh, no" but says he's willing to propose that they continue living together. Ginny complains that she's getting tired of her low level girlfriend status, and the way his mother is always giving her dirty looks...and Ronald adds insult to injury when he informs her that his mother doesn't even know they're living together. Ginny lets out an angry growl and storms away in disgust.  

Doc gives Captain Stubing some pills to quell his stomach pains, and Captain Stubing grumbles about how the crew probably enjoys seeing him so miserable from all the hell Mrs. Skogstad is putting him through. Doc denies that any crew member is getting any pleasure out of his misery, then points out that it makes zero sense for a perfect stranger, aka Stacy Skogstad, to want to make him so miserable. Captain Stubing wryly confesses that she's not perfect nor a stranger, then fills him in on the truth: he was married to the woman for seventeen years. He stares dreamily into space as he reminisces about how in love they were in the very beginning - but that it all went to shit when he took a mistress, aka 'the sea'. Stacy resented him for being away all the time, and he admits that eventually he had no room in his life for both her and the sea. Plus, Stacy absolutely hated her married name: Stacy Stubing. Though she is somehow able to tolerate being called Stacy Skogstad.

Sandy has launched Operation Find Circulating Copies of Kitten and finds a man ogling her centerfold while lounging by the pool. She walks by and "accidentally" spills her drink all over him...and during the chaos that ensues, rips out the center pages of the naughty magazine.
​
Lorraine is decked out in skimpwear as she struts over to where Ginny is sitting and asks her if she'd like to paint the town with her this evening. Ginny mopishly says she'd rather stay in and keep her fingers crossed that Ronald makes it to Cabo San Lucas (where the ship is currently docked), 'cause she figures that he'll be so exhausted it'll be easy to talk him into getting married. Lorraine makes a blech face and asks her why in the unfathomable fuck she'd want to be shackled in matrimony to such an imbecile, so Ginny lists her reasons:

1. Companionship
2. Maturity
3. Children

to which Lorraine responds:

1. Get a dog
2. Get a German Shepherd dog
3. Take one of my kids

Sandy spots a portly man on the deck reading Kitten while puffing on a cigarette, so she pulls a cigarette from her purse and asks the man for a light. When he idly hands over his lighter, she sets the edge of the magazine ablaze before beating a hasty retreat...and a few seconds later, the man's all, "Ack!" and throws the burning magazine overboard. A few seconds later, Sandy runs into Julie to update her on the status of Operation Find Circulating Copies of Kitten, and Julie informs her that Doc has the remaining copy. Sandy's like, "I suddenly have a cold!" and heads over to the infirmary stat! She spots the magazine in the exam room...and as Doc is retrieving his stethoscope, she fake coughs to cover up the sound of her ripping out the centerfold. Doc checks her heart rate, feels her forehead and diagnoses her with acute embarrassment caused by overexposure. He then confirms that, yep, he got a good gander of her naughties in Kitten, but that since she looks pretty damn smokin' in the raw, she has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Sandy says she's more concerned about what her congressman fiancé will think, so he points out that it's best to be totally honest with the man she intends to marry.

Lorraine finds Ginny sunning herself above deck and gushes about the awesome day she spent in Cabo San Lucas, dancing with a hottie named Paco. A few seconds later, a small boat with Ronald aboard speeds over to the ship so he can screech at Ginny about how much he loves and misses her. She screeches back, "Will you marry me?" and he replies, "I cannot heeeeear you!", then says she'll never be able to find another man who digs her as much as he does. Ginny cries, "I want your name!", so he quips, "OK, I'll call you Ronald", and she rolls her eyes in dismay and yells back, "Adios muchacho!"

Sandy drops by Brad's cabin to come clean about posing nude, and he opens his briefcase and pulls out a copy of Kitten. He says he kinda digs the fact that he's about to be married to a woman who other men can only ever jerk off to, and points out that "a guy named Carter confessed his lust in Playboy and he got to be president", and is therefore not remotely concerned that her past indiscretion will cost him votes with his constituents. Hurray!

​Lorraine tells Ginny she'd like them to spend the evening in the ship's bar, guzzling alcohol and enjoying the company of men. When she orders a bottle of bourbon, a skittish looking Ginny says she's not much of a drinker or a flirter...but then throws back a shot of bourbon and decides she's up for a night of debauchery after all. Over the course of the evening, she and Lorraine hit the dance floor, hold court with a group of male admirers, and eventually exit the bar via a conga line.

Stacy Skogstad imperiously orders Julie to provide her with the ship's entertainment schedule, payment records, and supply lists - and Julie perkily says she'd be more than happy to accommodate her, then raves about how conscientious Captain Stubing is when it comes to administrative details. When she waxes on about how utterly marvellous he is, Stacy rolls her eyes and grumbles, "You've been drinking on duty."

Isaac remarks to Gopher, Julie, and Doc on the muteness of Aubrey Skogstad while his wife flaps around the ship, treating everyone like shit - most notably, Captain Stubing. Doc says he prolly shouldn't be spreading gossip about the Captain's personal life, but then decides 'ah fuck it, it's only my job at stake' and reveals that Captain Stubing used to be married to Stacy Skogstad...and adds that no way in heck would he allow a woman to push him around - just as Stacy bursts into the room and demands to see Doc's supply requisition. He meekly says, "Yes ma'am, right away, ma'am" while the rest of the crew gets out of her orbit, pronto.

A hungover Ginny tells Lorraine she had fun last night, but is bummed that Ronald didn't show up in Ensenada to profess his love for her a fourth time...and in the next scene, we see that Ronald's bug van got a flat tire, and he's miffed when a man riding by on a donkey doesn't stop to help. 

Captain Stubing arrives at his table, where Stacy and her husband are once again seated. Stacy tells the Captain that she's going to continue to keep up the pressure on him, and he's like, "Pressure? What pressure?" so she remarks on how lame it is that he leaves it to his crew to defend him against her insults. She bitchily adds that she can't imagine why they admire him so much...and Captain Stubing looks startled by the revelation and hastily excuses himself from the table.   

Captain Stubing quietly eavesdrops on the crew as they grumble to each other about how miserable Stacy Skogstad is making their lives this episode, and that they're neglecting the other passengers as a result. Gopher bitterly jokes that someone should appoint Stacy as Captain so she can hire the crew she wants...and Captain Stubing contorts his face into a stern enough is enough expression and marches back to the dining room, where he grabs Stacy by the arm and forcibly ushers her above deck. A bewildered Aubrey gets up from the table and toddles behind them. Captain Stubing firmly tells Stacy that he's no longer tolerating her abuse of his crew, then banishes her to her room for the rest of the evening. Stacy's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and whirls around to haughtily ask her husband if he's going to stand for this disrespect...and Aubrey, who up until this point in the episode has been mutely sucking on his pipe, puts his wife in her place by barking, "Go to your room!" Stacy gasps in shock before meekly obeying, and Aubrey winks at Captain Stubing and compliments him on being a great captain. 

When the ship returns to Los Angeles the following morning, Ginny bids Lorraine adieu and thanks her for being such a fun cabin-mate. Lorraine waves goodbye, then turns her attention to her two little daughters, who come running over.

Sandy and Brad thank Julie for all of her help with Kitten-gate, and Doc tells Sandy he's delighted to hear that the wedding is still on course.

Ronald presents Ginny with a bouquet of roses and suggests she use them as part of her bridal bouquet, which is his way of telling her that he's finally ready to give marriage a try. Ginny's like, "Uh, about that.." then tells him she's now A-OK with them just living together, then explains that the last two nights aboard The Love Boat abruptly changed her mind. Ronald woots happily and thanks God - before digesting the last part of what she said and suspiciously asks her what happened during those two nights. Ginny says she simply realized how much she enjoys her freedom, aka the way he enjoys his freedom...and he yelps, "No way!" and insists that they get married asap, and a smiling Ginny says they can discuss this further at home.

​Captain Stubing finds Stacy milling around in the gift shop and asks her if he might have a word with her so they can part on civil terms. He apologizes for being so harsh last night, and also for the greater sin of ruining their marriage. He tells her she deserved a better husband, and admits that he wanted to command ships far more than he wanted to make her happy. Stacy acknowledges that life with her was probably not much of a picnic - which...no duh - then reports that she couldn't find one important thing wrong with his ship and calls him one helluva commander. Captain Stubing thanks her for the glowing review and says he hopes she's happily married to her mute, and she says that while she loves the fact that Aubrey is home most of the time, she can't help but dislike his horrific last name. Captain Stubing smoothly pronounces her hard-to-pronounce name, and Stacy smiles and drawls, "Lawd, I loooove a silver-tongued man" and warmly says goodbye. A few seconds later, Captain Stubing is summoned to the bridge, and in response he happily scampers up the stairwell.

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