"Hollywood Royalty / The Caper / The Eyes of Love / Masquerade"
Original airdate: 1/20/1978
Episode summary: A gang of thieves board the ship with the intention of stealing a ginormous diamond necklace owned by a fellow passenger/famous movie star. A blind woman re-connects with a formerly blind friend, and the two rapidly fall in love. A lawyer's wife learns that her new cruise friend is actually her husband's mistress.
Recap: Famous movie star, Roz Rogers, and her moderately famous actor/director husband Bill arrive at the Love Boat port surrounded by paparazzi, who snap their photo and pepper Roz with questions. She confirms that the giant rock that's strung around her necklace is a real diamond that's worth $1.5 million...and it remains unclear why she'd be advertising that so publicly, given that it looks as though she's vacationing on this ship without any kind of security detail.
Shortly afterwards, a gang of four thieves arrive at the port and conspire about their nefarious plot to steal Roz Rogers' diamond...which could be seen as even a quasi-serious threat if the four weren't each giving off a strong 'I'm clownishly inept' vibe.
Gopher is assisting Jenny Lang, a pretty young blind passenger, aboard the ship...and he's amazed at her heightened (non-sight) senses. He ushers her over to Julie as she checks in a cutie named Steve Hollis, whose voice Jenny instantly recognizes from The School for the Blind they both attended as teenagers. Julie, who's visibly wondering whassup with this situation - 'cause Steve is clearly not blind - offers to seat them at the same table for dinner. As Jenny is being escorted to her cabin, Steve explains to Julie on the down low that he was born blind, but recently had a series of operations that magically restored his sight - which, sadly, is the opposite experience of Jenny, who irreversibly lost her sight at age fourteen. He's not sure how to break the news of his good fortune to Jenny, with whom he's instantly smitten, but figures he should probably do it asap.
Captain Stubing welcomes aboard the Thief Gang, who each introduce themselves to him: Vernon, Taffy, Elwood, and Ox. Doc and Gopher are immediately smitten with the busty blonde Taffy...but Vernon orders her to stop fraternizing with the crew and come along, and she obeys while poutishly chiding him for being so singleminded about their heist mission.
Fabric designer Barbara Danver and her lawyer husband Alan arrive at the port...and when she asks him to confirm that it's still just the two of them after all their years of marriage, he grunts a half-hearted 'yeah whatever', then urges her to board the ship ahead of him to freshen up so that he can call the office to order everyone not to disturb him. Barbara senses nothing amiss with that and saunters off - just as Alan's mistress Cathy exits a cab that just pulled up to the port. A panicked Alan's all, "What are you doing here?" and tells her that Barbara found the cruise tickets and assumed that one was for her. Cathy stubbornly replies that, in that case, she's going to buy her own ticket, enjoy the cruise, and force him to decide once and for all which woman he wants to be with.
A starstruck Julie, Doc, and Gopher gushingly welcome Roz and Bill aboard, then solicit autographs - just as Captain Stubing strides over to apologize for the unprofessionalism of his crew...before he snaps a photo of them and offers to personally escort them to their cabin.
Later, over drinks, Bill tells Roz he really thinks that their marriage could work - as long as they don't get tangled up in each others' egos. Roz responds by rubbing in the fact that she's currently a way bigger star than he is...and when Bill stares back at her in miffed muteness, she suggests they go back to their suite for a romp, and he's like 'sure, why the hell not?' and happily toddles after her.
Ox is inside the bathroom of Roz's/Bill's cabin to plant a bug - but, during the process, accidentally drops it into the toilet.
Barbara and Alan are laying on loungers, sunning themselves above deck, when Cathy wanders over to say hey to Alan, then quickly explains to Barbara that he was her divorce attorney, while conveniently leaving out the 'we're having an affair right under your nose' part of the relationship. Alan pretends to not remember her and mumbles that he has a lot of clients, and then Cathy and Barbara introduce themselves to each other and quickly realize that since they both work in the fashion design industry they have a lot in common.
As the Thief Gang listens in on Roz and Bill via the planted bug - which I can only assume Ox was able to fish out of the toilet - Vernon holds up a fake version of the diamond necklace and says that their heist's success will hinge on finding the right opportunity to make the switch.
While enjoying the moonlit night above deck, Jenny describes to Steve what she remembers about how a sunset looks...and he decides it's finally time to break the news that he had an operation soon after leaving The School for the Blind, which resulted in him acquiring his sight. Jenny chirps about how fantastic that is and forbids him to feel sorry for her, 'cause she's extraordinarily grateful to live in a world that has miracles like beautiful sunsets.
Gopher gushes to Julie about how sexy Taffy is, and Julie urges him to throw any semblance of professionalism out the window and go over to her table and let her know how smitten with her he is. Gopher grumbles about his inability to compete with Doc, who's also smitten with Taffy, and Julie wankingly assures him that he's equally if not more appealing as Doc [who's barely average looking yet somehow manages to get some pretty impressive, out-of-his-league tail on any given episode]. Buoyed with confidence, Gopher heads over to where Taffy is dining with Elwood and Ox and invites himself to join them...but while he's bringing over a chair from a nearby table, Doc slips in and seats himself beside Taffy.
Roz and Bill make their grand entrance into the dining room, and Vernon stares over at them, taking note of the fact that Roz is wearing her ginormous diamond necklace.
Steve describes for Jenny where everything is on their dining table, and she smilingly remarks on the way he's helping her navigate the way he used to do at The School for the Blind. She then says she can smell the rose that's in the table's centerpiece, and Steve pulls it out of the vase and hands it to her.
Cathy joins the Danvers for dinner - 'cause, yeah, it's not weird, awkward, or downright sociopathic for a mistress to be dining with her lover and his oblivious wife. Barbara asks her why a lovely woman such as herself is on this cruise alone, so Cathy explains that she had planned to vacation with her boyfriend - but then his wife found the tickets...and Barbara clearly doesn't suspect Alan enough to put two and two together and chuckles about this philandering douchebag being stuck home with his wife while she gets to enjoy a lovely cruise.
Bill tells Roz that he thinks their marriage is going swimmingly and that he'd like them to head back to the cabin to read a new script for a film he's interested in them producing/acting in. Roz says she's not into doing that tonight and would prefer to just enjoy the cruise, and Bill agrees that it's nice to be away from Hollywood for awhile and slum it with regular, everyday folk.
Vernon pulls Taffy aside and orders her to ditch Doc asap 'cause he just learned that Gopher's the one who's in charge of the vault. Taffy promptly bids Doc adieu and rushes over to join Gopher, who's about to dine with Julie, who hastily makes herself scarce.
Gopher is stationed in the Purser's Lobby and is on the phone with a co-worker to try to get him to take his shift tonight - but it looks like a no go. A few seconds later, Roz and Bill wander over to place the ginormous diamond necklace into the vault for safekeeping...and Taffy is watching them from the upper landing and radioing this intel to the rest of the Thief Gang via a tiny microphone installed on the clasp of her purse.
Gopher opens the vault, then guards the room as Roz and Bill place the diamond into their safety deposit box...which, for some unfathomable reason, has no lock on it. Taffy radios the Thief Gang to officially launch Operation Steal Roz's Ginormous Diamond Necklace, then says she'll need about ten minutes to sexily distract Gopher.
Vernon orders Ox to stand guard outside the ship's sauna while he and Elwood go inside and drill a hole in the floor ('cause apparently the sauna is located directly above the vault). As Vernon and Elwood get to work with a tape measure to determine exactly where they need to drill, the intense heat of the sauna causes them to sweat buckets. Vernon asks Ox to step inside to turn off the hard-to-move off dial...but the oversized dolt ends up breaking it when his mammoth hand turns it too hard. Oops.
Taffy sashays over to Gopher and tells him he seems very tense and offers to give him a massage. Gopher thinks it over, decides 'sure, why the hell not get a massage in the middle of the lobby from a passenger while I'm supposed to be on duty?', and leaps over the counter and lays face-down on a nearby chaise to await the sexy rub-down. While that's happening, Vernon and Elwood begin drilling a hole in the sauna's floor.
When Taffy's hands get sore from massaging Gopher, she suggests they dance cheek to cheek...while Vernon and Elwood continue drilling a hole in the sauna's floor - until the drill burns out just after they penetrate the vault's ceiling. Elwood lowers some kind of scoping tool into the vault, then places it in front of Roz's safety deposit box, where it opens it and grabs onto the diamond necklace. Elwood solemnly tells Vernon, "We got it", prompting Vernon to cackle about how they're soon going to be very rich and get to lazily lay on a beach all day, basking in the sun...to which Elwood wryly replies that after sweating it up in this sauna he'd much rather enjoy the refreshing cold of Iceland. Elwood lifts the scope attached to the necklace, but soon realizes that the effort has been for naught when he realizes that the hole he just drilled isn't big enough for the ginormous diamond to fit through. He grimly tells Vernon that Ox has bigger drills in his duffel bag...but, unfortunately, the dumbfuck accidentally left it behind in Los Angeles.
Above deck, Cathy tells Barbara she'd looooove to show her some sketches of her upcoming fall line, and Alan's all 'this continues to be really fucking weird for me' and rushes off to play ping pong.
Jenny asks Steve to take a photo of her so she can assure her worried brother she survived the cruise without risk of falling overboard. Steve snaps a photo of her, then hands it to her and cuddlingly stands behind her while showing her where all the camera's buttons are so that she can take a photo of him. A few seconds later, Captain Stubing and Doc wander over to say hey...and Jenny feels the captain's face, then remarks on his grey hair and paunchy midriff. When Captain Stubing expresses how impressed he is by the accuracy of her heightened senses, Jenny chucklingly reveals that Doc provided a full description of his appearance to her yesterday.
Vernon is ready to execute Plan B when he emerges from the bathroom wearing an implausibly flawless face mask that makes him look like an exact replica of Captain Stubing, body shape and all. He smugly tells the gang that while impersonating the captain he won't have any problem getting access to the vault, and orders Taffy to keep the real Captain Stubing busy so that he's freed up to steal the diamond necklace. Ox, meanwhile, stares at "the captain" confusedly and asks him if he, by chance, saw Vernon in the bathroom.
Barbara tells Alan she's meeting up with Cathy to get their hair done at the salon and chat some more about the fashion industry...and Alan continues to look mutely disturbed by the friendship his wife and mistress have struck up.
After enjoying a fun swim, Jenny asks Steve if he wouldn't mind putting some suntan lotion on her back, then brazenly says she's mostly asking 'cause she likes the feeling of his hands caressing her skin. Mmm hmm..
Gopher tells Isaac and Doc that he's been enjoying hanging out with his hot new squeeze Taffy - just as the three notice that Taffy is on Captain Stubing's arm as they make their way through the Purser's Lobby.
Vernon/fake Captain Stubing approaches Gopher and orders him to open the vault...and a puzzled Gopher's all, "Wait a minute - weren't you just giving a tour to Taffy?", then remarks on how weirdly gruff his voice sounds, kind of like he's getting laryngitis. He (jokingly?) asks him to prove he's really the captain, so Vernon/fake Captain Stubing growls, "Open the vault or you're fired", and Gopher decides 'yep, that definitely counts as proof' and promptly unlocks the vault door so the two can step inside. A few seconds later, the real Captain Stubing wanders over, grumbling about how much he dislikes giving personalized tours of the ship...and as Vernon/fake Captain Stubing hides behind the vault door, a puzzled Gopher's all, "Wait a minute - weren't you just inside the vault with me?" and remarks on how his voice suddenly sounds normal again. As the two enter the vault, Vernon/fake Captain Stubing is somehow able to slip out undetected and rush over to the elevator. Captain Stubing tells Gopher it's possible he's imagining things 'cause he's working too hard, then wonders if perhaps there could be a reasonable explanation for a doppelgänger sighting. He happens to glance toward the elevator as it's closing and catches a glimpse of Version/fake Captain Stubing. He's all, "Ack!" before racing up the staircase in an attempt to intercept the imposter...and continues to chase him across one of the decks and then down a flight of stairs.
Vernon/fake Captain Stubing runs into Julie and then Isaac...and both agree that their boss is acting very strangely. A few seconds later, they see both captains a short distance apart on the deck, but do squat about it except scrunch their faces confusedly.
Vernon/fake Captain Stubing races to the sauna, where he quickly strips off his mask, uniform, and padding. He then exits with a towel around him as though he's been enjoying a steam this whole time - just as Captain Stubing approaches, looking visibly frustrated about losing sight of the fake him.
Jenny asks Julie if Steve is as good looking as she imagines him to be, and Julie assures her that he definitely ain't no uggo.
Roz tells Bill that, in her opinion, the movie script he likes so much sucks, not least 'cause her role is that of an old woman while he gets to direct and play the role of a young cavalry officer. She asks him why he's so intent on making this picture, so he babbles some nonsense about owing it to their art, their fans, and the entire film industry. Roz accuses him of wanting to do the film strictly for his ego's sake...and then the two tediously bicker back and forth until Roz rips part of his shirt and stomps off.
Captain Stubing tells the crew he was pretty wigged out when he saw his doppelgänger, then wonders why someone would go through the trouble of disguising himself as the twin of a bald, paunchy cruise captain. Julie suggests that maybe it was a passenger testing out a costume for the upcoming masquerade ball - but Gopher points out the added fishiness of the fake Captain Stubing attempting to access the vault. Captain Stubing mulls that over until it finally dawns on him that, in all likelihood, the imposter was a jewel thief who's after Roz Rogers' ginormous diamond necklace. He orders a 24/7 guard to be placed at Roz's door and instructs the crew to figure out who the thief is without letting any of the passengers know what's going on...and Gopher translates that to mean 'I should tell the first passenger I see what's going on' and, a few minutes later, confides the robbery attempt to Vernon. After Gopher ambles off, Vernon chews on that nugget for a few seconds before telling the Thief Gang that he's ready to move on to Plan C.
While jigging on the dance floor in the lounge, Jenny tells Steve she's sad that he's going to be leaving the ship at Puerto Vallarta and asks if he'll call her when he gets back to Los Angeles. Steve says he'll take that under consideration, then grabs a rose off of a nearby table and shoves the fragrant petals under her nose.
Barbara tells Cathy and Alan that An Affair to Remember is being screened in the theater, but neither Cathy nor Alan are interested in having to sit through a film that's hitting a little too close to home for them. Once Barbara is out of hearing range, Alan chides Cathy for becoming gal pals with his wife, then says he only started cheating on her 'cause he felt like something was missing in their marriage. He tells Cathy that she, however, is a sweet gal who's been caring for him and listening to his incessant whining, and Cathy chooses that moment to drop the bombshell that what she is is his ex-mistress, then beats a hasty retreat.
Elsewhere on the ship, Steve gives Jenny a smooch and says he couldn't resist...and Jenny softly replies, "Who wants you to?" and suggests they go back to her cabin for a little under the covers type lovin'. When Steve gets visibly uncomfortable by the prospect and stammers an excuse to not go down that road, Jenny assumes he's not into getting it on with her 'cause he doesn't want to be permanently saddled with a blind chick. Steve's like, "On the contrary, I love you" - but then drops the bombshell that he's engaged, and that his reason for traveling to Puerto Vallarta is to meet up with his fiancée. A stunned Jenny gasps in horror, pronounces, "This never happened", and stumbles off.
While the ship is docked in Puerto Vallarta, Alan and Bill sit at one of the ship's bars and get acquainted by commiserating about their respective lady problems. Bill chuckles when he learns of Alan's predicament of having both his wife and mistress aboard the ship, then offers him some sage life advice: if you're lucky enough to find a woman who's actually willing to stick it out with a philandering uggo such as yourself, for the love of all that is holy, do your best to work it out. Alan quietly mulls that over and concedes that, yep, it's pretty good advice...and Bill announces that he's off to make up with Roz.
Julie comes across Jenny, who's sitting above deck moping by herself, and informs her that Steve is looking for her. She adds that he gave her a rose to pass along, and Jenny stonily admits that she's deliberately avoiding him. A few seconds later, Jenny gets up from the table, leaving the rose behind...then passes Bill, who picks up the abandoned rose and brings it to his cabin, where Roz is enjoying a leisurely bath. He declares the rose a peace offering and asks if he can join her in the tub, and she perks up and looks into the prospect of a sexy soak for two.
Elwood informs the other thieves that Roz and Bill are in in their bathtub, which means it's the perfect time to execute Plan C.
Jenny is reading a Braille book when Steve enters her cabin to inform her that he broke off his engagement 'cause of how much he loves her...and Jenny's all, "The fuck?" and says he just threw away the chance to have a normal, happy marriage to needlessly burden himself with a blind woman. Steve points out that being sighted doesn't guarantee a normal, happy marriage - but she responds to that by fibbing, "I don't love you." Steve says he doesn't buy that and is fairly certain that she loves him, but she sadly retorts that things could never work out for them and firmly bids him farewell. Steve opens the cabin door and pretends to leave...and when Jenny immediately bursts into tears, a triumphant Steve is all, "Ah ha! I knew you loved me!" LOL. Jenny angrily calls his fake departure "a cheap trick" and assumes that he only wants to marry her 'cause he thinks she needs someone to take care of her. Steve denies that, then exasperatedly cries, "What do I have to do to prove that I love you? Go blind again?" and storms out. For real this time.
Taffy sashays over to Doc, who's standing guard in front of Roz's/Bill's door, and purrs about how he's the most attractive man aboard the ship and invites him to her cabin for a little afternoon delight - just as Gopher arrives on the scene. Doc asks him to take over guarding Roz's/Bill's cabin, then sashays off with Taffy, who quickly dumps him and sneaks back to Gopher to purr about how he's the most attractive man on the ship.
Vernon and Ox are climbing through the ductwork until they reach the vent above Roz's/Bill's cabin. Ox removes the vent cover, and then Vernon lowers him into the cabin - suspended via a harness Mission Impossible style - until he lands on the floor with a thud. A startled looking Gopher, who's still stationed outside the door, wonders aloud what that thud was, and Taffy breezily distracts him by replying, "My heart" - LOL - as Ox quickly locates Roz's diamond necklace atop the dresser while holding the fake version...but when he has them both in his hands gets predictably confused about which necklace is the authentic one. He makes what he hopes is the right switch before Vernon lifts him back into the ductwork, and the two prematurely celebrate the success of their heist as they crawl back from whence they came.
The Thief Gang reconvenes in their cabin as Ox holds up the diamond necklace he "switched" during the heist. As the thieves cackle with delight, Vernon natters on about how a diamond is a gem that outshines all others, not least 'cause it's hard enough to cut glass. He then takes the necklace from Ox and attempts to cut the mirror with the ginormous diamond - but soon realizes it's a fake and cries, "Ox! You fool!"
Barbara and Cathy are having breakfast together and chatting about the upcoming masquerade ball. When Barbara pulls out a cigarette but can't find a light, Cathy empties her purse looking for one and accidentally (?) lets a Polaroid of herself and Alan fall onto the table. Barbara picks it up and is all 'the fuck?!" as she realizes she's been cuckqueaned this entire time, then gets up and starts to rush off. Cathy runs after her to apologize and admit that, yeah, she (Barbara) was the person she was chortling about earlier when she mentioned that the wife of her married lover had found two cruise tickets...and also confesses to accompanying Alan to a recent convention in New York. Barbara laments not knowing whether she should divorce Alan or kill him, and Cathy assures her she doesn't want to do either and implies that Barbara is at least somewhat to blame for driving Alan into the arms of another woman 'cause she had the audacity to spend her time and energy building her own career. That said, she insists that because Alan is so devoted to his marriage, her affair with him is officially dunzo. A tortured looking Barbara says she's always going to be worried that whenever she's laying in the cheater's arms he'll be thinking of his mistress, and Cathy ruefully says she always felt that way whenever she was laying in his arms. She then says she's just concocted a plan in her head to find out what's truly in Alan's heart...and say that as if it's actually reasonable to expect Alan's innermost desires to be anywhere near the top of Barbara's priority list.
Ox reports to Vernon that he just spotted Roz Rogers asleep on a pool lounger wearing her ginormous diamond necklace. He craftily adds that he took something...and when the Thief Gang perks up at the word took, he shows them the photo he just snapped. Womp womp! As the three groan their mounting frustration, Vernon perks up and says he's just come up with Plan D.
Julie, Doc, Gopher, and Isaac drop in on Jenny with several bouquets of roses, all courtesy of Steve...and Jenny gets a fragrant noseful and can't help but look touched by the sweetly romantic gesture.
A few seconds later, Jenny heads over to Steve's cabin to admit what a fool she was last night, and that she now fully realizes that they truly love each other. She then says she's off to her cabin, then opens the door but doesn't actually leave...and giggles about the unfairness of her not being able to get away with that trick. Steve laughingly calls her crazy, then plants her lips with a big smooch.
Masquerade Ball! Barbara, who's dressed up as Marie Antoinette tells her Dracula-costumed husband that she forgot her purse in the cabin and needs to go back and get it. She urges him to meet up with Cathy, who will be disguised as a mime.
Captain Stubing, who's dressed up as King Henry VIII, meets up with his crew to instruct them to keep a close eye on Roz and the ginormous diamond necklace she insists on wearing everywhere, then threatens, "Or heads will roll." LOL.
Mime Cathy greets Alan, makes sure he gets a good long look at her costume and face makeup, then rushes off to covertly hand over the situation to Barbara, who's now wearing the exact same mime costume and white face makeup. Mime Barbara attempts to canoodle Alan, but he gruffly tells her to cut it out, 'cause after some serious soul-searching, he's decided that his life is with Barbara. He adds that he regrets having an extramarital affair instead of opening up to his wife, then laments that he's still not saying these things directly to Barbara...but Barbara reacts by saying, "You are." A stunned Alan's all, "Barbara..?" and admits to being a philandering jerk, and Barbara's all, "Well, yeah...but I too have been a jerk for daring to devote a lot of time and energy to my career in lieu of catering to your needs 24/7", then chuckles about how she had to get dressed up as a mime in order to get to know him better. A relieved looking Alan asks her if she can ever forgive him for his extramarital boning [of at least one woman that we know of], and she softly coos, "Let me tell you in mime" before leaning in so that the two can suck face.
Over in the dining room, Jenny overhears Bill gushingly promise Roz that he'll buy her her own Love Boat, along with a house in Cannes. A few seconds later, Steve returns to the table with a couple of drinks, and Jenny contorts her face into a sourly judgey expression and tells him that she just eavesdropped on a materialistic couple who thinks that love is all about buying each other expensive things. She makes him promise that they'll never turn out like that...and at the next table, Roz and Bill, who are now eavesdropping on her conversation, hang their heads in shame before abruptly leaving the table.
The Thief Gang is ready to launch Operation Steal Roz's Ginormous Diamond Necklace and hopes that the fourth time's a charm.
Roz gestures over at Jenny and asks Doc and Gopher who the sanctimonious wet blanket is...and when Doc explains that she's a blind passenger named Jenny Lang, a still shame-faced Roz sheepishly remarks, "I think she sees better than we do."
Taffy whispers in Gopher's ear, then in Doc's to tell them both to meet her by the ship's fantail in five minutes...and when they both beat a cartoonishly hasty retreat, Captain Stubing heads over to where Roz and Bill are standing, mumbling irritably about how his crew just left their assigned guard post. A few seconds later, the dining room is suddenly plunged into darkness, which leads to panicked screeching - until the lights come back on...and Captain Stubing discovers that someone stole the junk jewelry medallion he was wearing around his neck as part of his King Henry VIII costume.
Vernon meets up with the rest of the Thief Gang above deck and triumphantly holds up the trinket he stole - but then is all, "Fuuuuuuuuuck!!" when he realizes that he unwittingly stole a worthless piece of jewelry instead of Roz's diamond necklace. Womp womp!
Roz and Bill stroll onto the deck where the thieves have congregated, talking about how Jenny just gave them the kick in the pants they needed to experience a hard dose of reality. Roz says that Jenny, despite being blind, has everything that really matters in life: humanity, warmth, and love. She adds that they too could have that if their never ending lust for material goods wasn't always in the way...then rips the diamond necklace from her neck, and hands it to Bill, who tosses it into the ocean. The two canoodle happily at the [pretend] stand they've taken, while the appalled thieves shake their heads in disgust and dejectedly shuffle off at what a complete bust their la raison d'être for being aboard this ship has turned out to be.
Over by the fantail, Doc and Gopher are huddling under a thick blanket, hornily waiting for Taffy to make her appearance. LOL.
When the ship reaches port in Los Angeles, Barbara tells Cathy that The Mime Switch worked perfectly, and that she's decided to throw all sense of self-respect to the wind and stay married to her philandering shitbag of a husband who they somehow agree is "a pretty nice guy". When Alan lumbers over, Barbara gaily tells him he has terrific taste in women, and Alan solemnly argues, "I have terrific taste in wives."
Vernon, Elwood, and Taffy dejectedly wander over to Isaac, who bids them a friendly farewell. Vernon suddenly realizes that they're missing Ox, so Isaac says he saw him leave awhile ago...and that when his chauffeur picked him up, he couldn't decide whether to go to his Malibu beach house, his penthouse in Los Angeles, or to take his jet to the ranch. When the thieves realize that their former partner in crime is inexplicably wealthy, Vernon declares that he's ready to enact Plan E...and a puzzled Isaac stares after them, his face scrunched confusedly.
Jenny happily tells Julie that she proposed to Steve, he accepted, and they're going to enjoy a life of wedded bliss...and Julie gives the two dullards a congratulatory hug and wishes them all the best.
Captain Stubing tells Roz and Bill it was a pleasure having them aboard, and is greatly relieved that their diamond wasn't stolen. Roz breezily informs him that they threw that gaudy thing overboard...and when Captain Stubing and Julie are all, "Say wha-a-a?!", Bill confides that it was a fake, and that the real ginormous diamond necklace is safely locked away in a vault in their bank. Roz says she's come to the realization that holding onto such a rare jewel doesn't actually bring her that much happiness, and so she and Bill have agreed to donate it to The School for the Blind, which is clearly doing wonderful work...and says this as she lovingly stares over at Jenny. As Roz and Bill skip along on their merry way, a deeply moved Captain Stubing remarks to Julie, "You know, those two really are stars." [Either that or overpaid entertainers.]
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