Recap: Charlotte flashes her sparkly diamond engagement ring in the air as she cheerfully hails a cab. Just as she's about to climb inside, a woman rushes over to claim it for herself - and since Charlotte is in too much of a euphoric state to get irked, she happily gives up the cab and hails another. Across town, a businessman bumps into Carrie as she's stomping down the street while decked out in a baggy filmy white top with a purple bra underneath [whaddup with her always showcasing her bra??]. When the man continues walking without even grunting an apology, an enraged Carrie whirls around and shrieks, "You're SOOOO busy! You're SOOOO busy!" then ambles over to a nearby diner to meet the gigolas for brunch. She's about to blurt out the news of her post-it dumping when Charlotte interjects to report that she and Harry made up last night and got engaged. Squeal! The gals are all, "OMG!" and admire her princess cut diamond (I notice the writers seem strangely partial to the princess cut), and Samantha declares it even more fabulous than her first engagement ring, which prompts Charlotte to pause for a few seconds and put her pensively sad face on. She then turns to Carrie and asks what her big news is, so Carrie announces that Jack broke up with her on a post-it, then holds it up so they can read it - I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me. - and Samantha wryly remarks, "The motherfucker is concise." A confused Miranda says, "Um, I thought you were going to dump him" and Carrie says she was - but then foolishly abandoned that idea when Jack told her he wanted to try to work things out. She says she refuses to leave an angry message on his answering machine, then pronounces that their chemistry-free relationship was a colossal waste of a stupid storyline that sucked up waaaaay too much airtime of this show's final season.
After brunch, Carrie tells Samantha she's going to take a page out of her book and from now on just keep things light with men. I'll take that to mean she's planning to step it up with her one night stands. She then declares she's going to spend as much time mourning her relationship with Jack as he spent ending it...then stops walking, stares into space for three seconds, and chirps, "OK - I'm over it!" She moans about how desperately she needs for the four of them to go out tonight and have a fantastic time, so Samantha fishes around her purse and pulls out an invitation that reads Come to Bed, and explains that tonight is the grand opening of Bed: Manhattan's hottest, most aptly named new hookup joint.
Back at Casa Bradshaw, Carrie studies Jack's breakup post-it while tapping out her weekly column, nattering in a voice-over about how easy breakups are for men, while women are always expected to learn something, blah blah..
Smith tells Samantha he doesn't like designer labels and would just prefer to wear jeans and a tank top for his upcoming MTV appearance. Samantha nods approvingly and coos, "That works too" and he cuddles her while rhetorically asking how he was able to hook himself up with "such an amazing girlfriend". Yeesh. He's madder than a hatter, this hottie. Samantha flinches at being given the girlfriend label and tells him that if he's asked on MTV whether or not he's dating, he should say he's still looking but hasn't found anyone special yet. She then hands him a pair of Dior sunglasses and says he should wear something overpriced so the kids will still know to look up to him.
Charlotte sorts through her closet and puts her pensively sad face on again when she comes across her wedding gown from her flaccid marriage to Trey.
Miranda, meanwhile, is searching her closet for an outfit to wear to the Bed opening...and looks intrigued when she comes across a long forgotten pair of skinny jeans. She's delighted to discover that they fit, and gives her taut bod a smug once-over in the mirror.
When Miranda struts over to Bed, she excitedly tells the gals that she managed to fit into her skinny jeans - and they applaud her for looking hot in her retro denim attire. Miranda explains that she's now able to fit into them 'cause she lost so much weight being a single working mother who has no time to eat...then jokingly tells Charlotte she loves herself in her skinny jeans so much that she wants to wear them to the wedding. Charlotte scrunches her face in distress and says she now feels dumb for making such a big fuss about her engagement ring, mostly 'cause she already did all this wedding stuff in Season 3. Fair point. She says it would probably be most appropriate to have a small, tasteful wedding...then promises to not torture them by making them be bridesmaids. The three perk up at that, then start wooting and cheering. Haha!
A few seconds after the gigolas enter Bed, Miranda struts her stuff toward the ladies room...and gets "accidentally" shoved onto a bed with a blonde dork named Peter. The two flirtily banter, and Peter invites her to stay awhile.
Carrie spots a group of Jack's friends (Billy et. al.) sitting a few feet away...and when Samantha tells her to ignore them, Carrie says she doesn't want it to get back to Jack that she was childish...even though childishness seems to be the least objectionable of her many undesirable traits I'm sure Jack has already twigged onto. Charlotte urges Carrie to be calm, classy and act like Jack is the last thing on her mind...and a few seconds later, Carrie ambles over to say hey to Billy. When Billy introduces her to the other two guys as "Berger's girlfriend", she needlessly stammers, "Er...uh...this is awkward, but Berger and I just broke up" and Billy nods knowingly and says he knew they had problems [plus the no chemistry thing]. Carrie nonsensically blurts out, "And he was bad in bed" ... and as Billy stares perplexedly into space, Carrie rushes back to where Samantha and Charlotte are sitting and tells them she just took the lowest road possible, and explains that the insult about Jack's doinkability just tumbled out of her mouth. Charlotte urges her to go back over there and explain - noooooooooooo, whyyyyyyyy?? - so Carrie throws back a drink and heads back for round 2. She tells Billy that what she just blurted out was terrible and not true...then needlessly back pedals about how generally OK Jack was in the sack, and that she merely said it 'cause she's hurt. Billy nods and says that breakups are tough...and Carrie's like, "And tougher in this case considering that Jack broke up me on a post-it." When Billy just kind of nods with his eyes looking glazed over at the growing tediousness of this increasingly awkward encounter, Carrie says she realizes that since Jack is his friend he can't have a normal reaction to a post-it breakup...then contorts her horsey face into a WTF? expression to demonstrate how most people have been reacting to her breakup story. Billy suggests that maybe Jack was afraid she's have an angry reaction - and one of Billy's friends chimes in and says that newly dumped women have a tendency to get all psycho-bitch. Carrie proves his point when she starts railing about how there are appropriate ways to end a relationship, then shrieks, "And it doesn't include a post-it!" Billy et. al. are like, "Er, OK..?" and Carrie rushes back over to Samantha and Charlotte and says they need to leave immediately, which...d'yuh.
Peter tells Miranda he's shocked that a hottie like her is single - just as the gigolas come over and tell her they're fleeing Bed. Miranda says bye to Peter and gives him a grateful smile for further buoying her skinny jeans inspired confidence.
After exiting Bed, Carrie gets a whiff of marijuana smoke from a couple of dorky hipsters who just happen to slouch by. She perks up and announces that she'd like to cloud her brain as thickly as possible, so Miranda eagerly sashays over to the hipsters to ask about their pot connection. She sashays back a few seconds later and says their dealer can usually be found hanging out in a dive bar around the corner.
Inside the dive bar, which Charlotte disdainfully calls Smell, Samantha spots a TV over by the bar and says she'd like to catch Smith's interview on MTV. Elsewhere, a group of women are celebrating their friend's engagement, which prompts Charlotte to once again put her pensively sad face on. When Carrie asks whassup with her deflated mood, she laments rushing head-first into an ill-fated marriage with Trey and doesn't feel like she deserves to celebrate her second wedding with any kind of fuss. I could get on board fully concurring with that. Carrie assures her she can celebrate however she wants, but Charlotte shakes her head and says it wouldn't be appropriate. One of the women celebrating her friend's engagement approaches to ask Charlotte if she wouldn't mind taking a photo of all of them - and Carrie gets in on that action and tells her that Charlotte too is engaged - and the bride-to-be gamely invites Charlotte to be in the photo as well...then gushes over her sparkly diamond ring. The hipsters - who, incidentally, look about half Miranda's age - tell Miranda that their pot dealer doesn't appear to be around tonight...and when they start arguing about who gets to buy her a drink, she blushes girlishly and is all, "Gentlemen, please." LOL. While watching MTV, Samantha catches the part where Smith tells the interviewer that he hasn't met anyone special and is still looking...and she looks miffed, despite him repeating the rehearsed answer word-for-word. She reacts by smooching the guy who's sitting next to her at the bar...and his scary Jersey Shore-esque girlfriend emerges from the shadows and is all, "The fuck?!" and she and her equally as scary friends threaten to kick Samantha's ass. Samantha and Carrie panic and flee the bar...and Carrie says she's ready to throw in the towel on the evening and calls it a total bust. Samantha gleefully says it's not a total bust, then pulls out a joint she was able to score from the bartender. The two start puffing away and bitch about men - just as a police car pulls up beside them, red lights flashing. The cop orders Carrie, who's in mid-inhale, to freeze - then puts her in the back of his car and threatens to haul her off to the station. Miranda pleads with him as "a lawyer and a mother" (?) to let her go...while the other two tell him that Carrie had a particularly difficult day after she was dumped via a post-it. The cop scoffs and says he doesn't believe that that actually happened - so Carrie slaps the post-it on the car window and tries to look as mournful as possible. The cop reads it aloud - bwahaha! - calls it brutal, then says in light of the callous dumping he'll downgrade her pot smoking charge to smoking inside a bar.
The gals top off the evening by going out for ice cream - and Carrie giddily recounts that this day won't be defined as the day she got dumped by a post-it, since it's also the day she "got arrested for smoking a doobie". Miranda points out that she didn't get arrested, then happily says she's rediscovering that Manhattan is filled with hot guys. Charlotte says she's changed her mind about her nuptials and wants to have bridesmaids after all...and when the other three stare back at her in horror, she quickly says they won't have to wear matching Vera Wang dresses like at her first wedding. The three cheer happily - then start laughing hysterically when the button on Miranda's skinny jeans can no longer hold everything in and pops open.