Recap: Jack is walking Carrie to the downtown courthouse where she's been called for jury duty. She asks him what his plans for the day are...and he just shrugs and says he'll probably look at some computer stuff, then tells her to call him when she's done at the courthouse so they can meet up. Carrie scrunches her face disapprovingly and asks him if he's planning on doing any writing today, and he gets all pissy 'cause he assumes she's implying that he's just going to sit on his ass all day...which, d'yuh. When Carrie stares despondently into space, Jack suggests they act out a Hollywood kiss...then bends her backwards and plants a smooch on her horsey face. The two exchange half-hearted I love yous before parting ways. Break up already.
Carrie tells the courthouse clerk she's not available to serve on a jury 'cause she's a freelance writer and doesn't have anyone to cover for her, but the weary looking clerk rolls her eyes and snarks, "Welcome to jury duty." Haha!
A frazzled Miranda is rushing to get ready for work when Magda arrives for another day of housekeeping/nannying. Miranda reminds her that she'll probably have to work late tonight...and Brady doesn't like the sound of that and mewls disapprovingly. Magda coos at him and remarks that he just misses his mama, and Miranda contorts her face with a guilt-ridden expression as she heads off to work.
Charlotte is at the synagogue, helping a gaggle of older Jewish ladies prepare for some event that the Synagogue Sisterhood Society is hosting. When the women are reminded that Charlotte is newly single, they cluster around her to tell her about their [dorky] eligible-for-marriage sons...and Charlotte looks visibly overwhelmed by all the cackly gushing.
Samantha and Smith are standing on Madison Avenue, looking up at a giant poster of Smith lounging sexily naked in front of an Absolut vodka bottle. Yummy. Smith is dismayed by the shameless exploitation of his chiseled hotness and mutters, "Fuck me" and Samantha concurs and chortles that every woman in New York is going to be saying exactly that.
Carrie is sitting in a waiting room with other prospective jurors. A portly man sitting beside her opens his briefcase and pulls out a mango...then just holds it in his hands while vacantly staring into space. Carrie later recounts this oddity to Jack while they're out for dinner - just as Charlotte darts over to their table and anxiously flails her hands about. She tells them she's on the worst date of her life with the dorky son of a pushy Jewish woman from the synagogue. She asks Carrie to call her cell phone to tell her that something bad happened so she can promptly end the date and then join the two of them for dinner. With that plan in motion, Charlotte returns to the table where Dork Son is sitting...and a few seconds later her cell phone rings. She tells unsuspecting Dork Son, "I hope nothing bad happened" ... but when Carrie delivers the faux news that something bad happened, Charlotte widens her eyes and unconvincingly wails, "Something bad happened?!" In the next scene, she's sipping a drink with Carrie and Jack, recounting how bad she knew the date was going to be when Dork Son presented her with a bouquet of carnations. When Jack scrunches his face confusedly, she explains that carnations are filler flowers - but then concedes that flower type doesn't matter if you're with the right man. Case in point Harry: who was bald and talked with his mouth full...but she loved him anyway. Jack gets all jokey about Harry and filler flowers, and Carrie bitchily chides him for being an insensitive lug. When the waiter comes by to take their order, she makes a big annoying point of not wanting parsley on her plate and fibs to the waiter that she has a deadly parsley allergy. Once the waiter is out of earshot, Jack calls her out for fibbing, and then the two start bickering like an old married couple, blah blah. Break up already. Charlotte looks aghast at the awkward turn the dinner has taken and stammers, "I have to...uh...go. Bye!" and wisely beats a hasty retreat.
Carrie and Jack keep up the pissy awkwardness during the cab ride home. He admonishes her for putting him down in front of her friend, then irritably asks, "When did you stop being on my side?" ... and Carrie unhelpfully retorts by repeating his question back at him. Jack tells he thinks they need some time apart asap, and Carrie looks implausibly shocked that he's even been entertaining the notion of a separation. When the cab pulls up to her brownstone, she looks even more put out when he tells her he's not staying over. She urges him to change his mind 'cause they have a lot to talk about - but he says he's off to the Hamptons to think hard about their miserable dysfunction of a relationship and promises to call when he returns.
At the next brunch summit, Carrie tells the gigolas she's pretty sure that this could be the end of her chemistry-free fling with Jack, which...hallelujah. Samantha tells Carrie to stop her incessant frowning 'cause it'll make her horsey face looks wrinklier than it currently does, then says that the test of a good relationship is if it makes you smile. She then hands out Absolut postcards featuring naked Smith - yummy! - but Carrie barely glances at it and continues to moan about stupid Jack. An exasperated Miranda urges her to use this enforced timeout to think about what she wants.
Carrie brings her laptop to the jury duty room and writes some drivel about whether or not couples need distance to get close. It doesn't matter in your case. Break up already.
Miranda arrives late to a work meeting and is surprised to learn that she's been summoned so that one of the partners (Maurice) and some flunky named Fern can admonish her about arriving to work late/leaving early and struggling to handle her caseload. Miranda snarkishly argues that she's actually kicking ass on the McKenzie brief...then reminds them that when her mom died, she was back in the office on Monday.
Smith meets up with Samantha in a bar as she enjoys a shot of Absolut. She giddily says, "You're a drink!" - but a despondent Smith grumbles that his AA friends are accusing him of being a sellout for advertising liquor, and his family is so embarrassed by his naked poster that they're hiding all copies of it from his faint-hearted grandmother. Samantha dismisses them as "drunks, nobodies, prudes" ... and just when he complains that he hasn't gotten any auditions out of it, an unmistakably gay guy comes over to gush about how he and the gay men he hangs with are huge fans of his Absolut hunkiness. Samantha nods knowingly and pronounces, "First come the gays, then the girls, then the industry."
Charlotte is out on a date with Dork Son #2. He comes right out and tells Charlotte there's just no hiding the fact that he's a gay man who brazenly burst out of the closet long ago - and that his mother is the only person who seems unwilling to face reality 'bout his sexuality. He then sees a copy of the Absolut poster of Smith and says he'd looooove to meet that hottie. Charlotte squeals, "I know him!" then breaks the disappointing news to Dork Son #2 that Smith is hetero.
At the synagogue the next day, Charlotte runs into yet another woman who wants to set her up with her son David - and when she flashes a photo of him, it looks like he's actually good looking.
Miranda rushes home from work, but is disappointed when Magda tells her she already put Brady to bed. Miranda scrunches her face with disappointment and gets back to work on her brief.
Carrie is clothes shopping at Century 21 when she gets a call on her cell from Big. The two (ugh) engage in their usual annoying flirty banter...and when he asks how things are going with "hot dog", she says that she and Berger are currently taking a break from each other. Big points out that they haven't been dating long enough to need a break from dating...and Carrie mulls this over and decides that Big may have a point. Later, she makes a beeline to the nearest car rental place to speed over to Jack's Hamptons house - but then abruptly slams on the brakes as it dawns on her what a needy and stupid idea it would be to chase her soon-to-be ex to the Hamptons. Especially when he's a day away from dumping her via a post-it.
Carrie drops by Miranda's apartment to moan about her deteriorating relationship with Jack and decides she'll probably break up with him. Magda brings Brady over for some mommy cuddle time - and when he immediately starts crying, Miranda wryly tells Carrie that he misses his "mommy" Magda, then scrunches her face in distress.
Miranda has a follow-up meeting with Maurice to tell him that she's going to have to cut back to fifty-five hours a week tops. [Yeesh. I put in a thirty-six hour work week and by Friday it feels like I've been at the workplace for an eternity.] Later, when Miranda puts Brady to bed, we see that she's taped photos of herself on the little mobile above his crib.
Smith gets upset when he sees that someone spray painted asshole on one of the Absolut posters in a bus shelter. Samantha tells him he's going to need a thicker skin, then assures him that everything is going to work out A-OK. When he asks, "What if you're wrong?", she stares into space looking momentarily worried - but then a crowd of schoolgirls spot Smith, shriek, "OMG! There he is! The Absolut hunk!" and rush toward him. Samantha looks on smugly...and Carrie voice-overs that a week later Gus Van Sant offered Smith a role in his latest film.
Charlotte is at a Jewish mixer with David...and she tells him that while he's super hot and gainfully employed, she's just not into meeting anyone new on account of she's still getting over the baldy who dumped her like yesterday's news after he twigged onto what a shallow gold digger she is. David's like, "OK. Wanna go back to my place for a doink?" - but Charlotte turns him down.
Charlotte overhears a woman complain that the only hot guy at the mixer just left...and that they're left with a bunch of fatties and baldies. At the mention of baldies, Charlotte glances around hopefully and spots a sad looking Harry milling around. When she ambles over to him, he wryly says, "Of all the synagogues and all the cities, you had to walk into mine." Charlotte tells him she's been mega depressed lately 'cause she finally realized how much she loves him and now knows how lucky she'd be if she were his gal. She says she no longer cares if he ever marries her and that all she really wants is to be with him. She asks him if he'd call her some time to ask her out again, but he says that that wouldn't be good enough, then - squeal! - lowers himself on one knee and proposes. Charlotte tearfully croaks yes! before giving him a smooch...and the Jewish woman who was complaining about the fatties and baldies tells her friend she's definitely coming back next week. Heh.
At jury duty, the man with the briefcase pulls out a coconut...and Carrie voice-overs that she knew Jack is the one person in the world who would find this oddity amusing.
Later, Jack comes over to Carrie's apartment clutching a bouquet of carnations. Hee! He squeezes out an I love you and says he'd like to try to somehow make their chemistry-free, dysfunctional relationship work. Go figure. Carrie hugs him and tells him about the weird jury duty guy pulling a coconut out of his briefcase.
The next morning, Carrie wakes up to an empty bed...and an empty apartment. She gets out of bed and wanders around with her face scrunched confusedly, then spots the post-it note on her laptop that reads 'I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me'. Bwahahahaha!!! Carrie stares at it in disbelief for a few seconds, then takes an angry swing at the vase containing the carnations Jack brought over the night before. The scene gets dramatically quiet as the camera slowly pans out...and all we can see and hear is the drip drip drip of the water dribbling out of the vase and onto the floor. Bwahahahaha!!! Awesome.