Sex and the City - Season 6, Episode 14

"I just felt my classy factor plummet."

"The Ick Factor"
Original airdate: 1/11/2004

Episode summary: Carrie gets overwhelmed by Misha's over-the-top romantic gestures. Miranda and Steve tie the knot. Samantha discovers she has breast cancer.

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Recap: Miranda and Steve are sitting in an outdoor cafe, enjoying $3 beers. When a miserable looking old couple ambles by in mid-argument, Miranda tells Steve she doesn't want to become that in thirty years...then adds that she also doesn't want to become his mother, or be so damn moody. No doubt that last thing would be a welcome change. Steve says the biggest thing he doesn't want is to lose her again...and she concurs and smilingly asks, "Will you marry me?" He stares back at her in surprise and goes, "Are you serious?" and when she assures him she is, he's like, "Hell yeah!" and the two start smooching.

That evening, Misha is playing a song on his piano and urges Carrie to sit next to him...and she sashays over to him, bringing along her glass of wine. After playing for several more seconds, Misha tells her that the piece is a little tune he wrote for her, and that he titled it The Woman With Luminous Eyes That Sparkle. Ick. Carrie looks overcome as he hand feeds her fruit and gives her a sexy smooch.

At brunch, Carrie tells the gigolas about Misha's customized piano playing, and Miranda disdainfully calls it the cheesiest thing she's ever heard. Charlotte dreamily says it sounds like eighteenth century Russia and wants to hear more about the old world romance...and when Carrie tells them what Misha named the song, Miranda and Samantha shriek, "Ick!" Miranda snarls about how much she hates that kind of "artificial hoo hah", which is precisely why she proposed to Steve over $3 beers. The gals stare at her in stunned silence...and then Samantha disdainfully asks, "You proposed...marriage?" LOL. Miranda says she did, but that it's no big deal 'cause she has zero desire to do "the big circus wedding" with bridesmaids, posed photos, etc. Ugh - amen to that. She snaps, "I hate all that shit" and Charlotte, who does live for that kind of shit, looks quasi-insulted and mumbles something about how every bride needs to find her own style. Miranda says she's currently looking for a wedding venue that doesn't make her hurl, and that the wedding barely matters to her 'cause she really just wants to be with Steve. When the gals get tearfully emotional about her impending nuptials, she tells them they're freaking her out, admonishes Samantha about how she expected more from her, and huffily exits the diner.

"I barked at Steve to marry me, and he agreed."

"That sounds even worse than when I proposed to Trey and he replied with, "All righty."

That evening, Charlotte gabbles to Harry about Misha's romantic piano playing, and Harry reminds her that he's no slouch in the romance department and, to demonstrate, will take her out for a romantic dinner.

Miranda and Steve are ambling down the street while loaded down with shopping bags and discussing their wedding. Miranda says she definitely doesn't want to make a big entrance or have people staring at her. When one of her bags rips open, she yells, "Shit!" and bends down to pick everything up...and as she's doing that, she notices that they're crouched in front of a community garden. She remarks on how it's pretty but not corny...and both she and Steve agree that it's a venue that makes neither of them hurl.

Carrie, Samantha, and Charlotte are out shopping for a wedding gift for Miranda...and Samantha chooses the occasion to announce that she's decided to enhance her boob size. She pulls out the current issue of In Touch magazine, which contains several photographs of her from when a photographer followed Smith around all day. She points out how teeny tiny her boobs look in virtually every photo - and when Carrie tries to talk her out of needless plastic surgery, she promises not to get the "watermelon freak show kind", but rather something tasteful. Like Carrie's rack, for example.

Carrie is once again hanging at Misha's spacious loft on a rainy night...and the two are sitting by the fire as he reads poetry to her. Carrie says she'd like to read him her version of poetry, then pulls out a copy of Vogue and reads aloud a description of a pink Oscar de la Renta dress. Misha tells her that Oscar is a friend of his...and Carrie looks impressed by his personal connection to the famous designer and admits that no boyfriend has ever read her poetry or written songs about her or her sparkly eyes, 'cause...well, duh.  

Miranda gets a call from Carrie while she's wedding dress shopping...and she makes it snarkishly clear to the salesgirl that she doesn't want anything white or poofy - the jig being up once she had Brady. She advises Carrie to tell Misha that all of his schmaltzy romantic gestures are giving her the icks...so then Carrie asks her why she's even having a wedding if she's so anti-romance. Miranda says that, surprising as it might be to fathom, she really does want to exchange vows with Steve in front of their closest friends.

Carrie writes her column while nattering in a voice-over about how no one in New York sugarcoats their feelings...then muses that when women - meaning herself - are faced with real romance, they can't seem to stomach it. She then types have we become romance intolerant? for her readership to chew on.

Harry treats Charlotte to dinner at a fancy French restaurant. He orders a cheese plate among other delectables...which will later prove to be an unfortunate choice for both of their digestive systems.

Samantha is in a downtown bar, checking out the sizes of various women's hooters alongside two male oglers. When she notices the bosomy bartender, she asks which plastic surgeon is responsible for her impressive rack, and the bartender tells her she went under the knife for Dr. Bevel and raves about how he's the best.   

Carrie arrives at Misha's for what she assumed would be another ick-tastic night in, but finds him decked out in a tuxedo. When he announces that he's taking her to the opera, she offers to go home and change...but he says it would be quicker if she opened the large gift box on the table behind him. Carrie excitedly opens it and finds the pink Oscar de la Renta dress she read to him about in Vogue...and naturally the designer frock ends up fitting her perfectly.

Charlotte and Harry are canoodling in bed when Harry's stomach starts to make rumbley noises...and a few seconds later he races to the bathroom. Charlotte's stomach gets upset a few seconds later...and soon the two are coping with the after-effects of food poisoning from the cheese plate.

Carrie skips along in her annoying I'm so delicate fashion while wearing stilettos as she and Misha head to the Met. When background music suddenly emerges from out of nowhere, Misha declares it a perfect night, remarks on Carrie's stunning beauty, and asks her to dance. Carrie gets overwhelmed  by all the romance and faints in a really fake looking way...and Misha hovers over her and worriedly asks her if she's OK. When she "comes to", she tells him that his romanticness is too much...and that since she's a boorishly tacky American with no class or good taste to speak of, he's going to have to take it down a notch. In the next scene, the two are at McDonalds, ordering fast food. She apologizes to him for ruining their night at the opera, but he just shrugs and says, "Another time." As their order is being assembled, they smooch and slow dance beneath the golden arches. 

"OMG. You are impossibly stunning."

"That's what the SATC producers keep telling me."

Samantha is having her breasts examined by Dr. Bevel. As she natters her excitement about her impending enhancement, he finds a lump in one of her breasts and says that before he can perform any kind of needless plastic surgery, she's going to have to get the lump checked out. Samantha pales and goes, "Are you kidding?" and he breezily says it's probably just a cyst, but that she needs to be sure before he's willing to proceed. Samantha stares worriedly into space.

Wedding Day! Samantha picks up Carrie in a cab so she can tell her all about her breast lump, which - yeesh - turned out to be cancer. The doctors told her that the tumor is very small, that she's having it removed next week, and that's all the information she currently has at this time. Carrie's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", but Samantha assures her that she'll be fine (well, hopefully)...and that she doesn't want to lose her breasts 'cause of how fabulous they are, their teeny-tinyness notwithstanding.

As Miranda and Steve exchange wedding vows in the community garden, Charlotte holds Brady and coos, "Look, mommy and daddy are getting married." When the ceremony concludes, Magda starts clapping and cheering about it being "happy time". LOL.

At the reception (held at a nearby restaurant), Charlotte compliments Samantha on how pretty she looks, and she responds with, "Thank you, I have cancer." As Charlotte scrunches her face with alarmed befuddlement, the camera cuts over to the bar, where Steve's ma is oversharing to Miranda about how she wore white on her wedding day despite being secretly knocked up. Miranda's fake smile masks her horror at being overshared with with zero provocation, and she urgently summons Steve to come over and stage an immediate rescue.

"I got frisky with Steve's pa a few months before our wedding."

"That's an image no one would ever want to visualize."

Miranda heads over to where the gigolas are sitting and moans about how she's now legally bound to Steve's ma. The gals try to hard to act breezy, but Miranda demands to know why they're behaving so weird...so Samantha tells her about her breast lump. Charlotte urges Miranda to go back to her people and enjoy her special day, but Miranda says that the three of them are her people and that she wants to talk about this right now. After Carrie chides her for being the world's bossiest bride, Samantha starts telling Miranda the full details about her current cancer scare as the camera slowly fades out.

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