Recap: Charlotte drags Carrie (who's wearing an oversized handkerchief that she's trying to pass off as a sack dress, and which amply showcases her black bra) along to a gallery to see a weird exhibit. On display is a disheveled woman who's not talking or eating - just staring dully at the people who have dropped by to gawk at her - and apparently she's expected to mope around like this for the next sixteen days. It remains unclear how or why this is art - even classifying it as "live theater" seems a stretch - but since Charlotte seems utterly fascinated by the spectacle, I'll assume the gallery knew what it was doing when it decided its patrons would find it art-worthy to watch a starving woman loiter around a tiny space for two weeks. Carrie rolls her eyes and calls the exhibit stoopid, then jokes about how badly the disheveled woman needs to brush her hair. Bored, she glances around the gallery and spots Mikhail Baryshnikov (who will hereafter be referred to as Misha in my recaps) giving her an appreciative once-over. Carrie leans toward Charlotte and tells her that she's being ogled by a sexy older man...but when they turn around, there's no sign of him. When they exit the exhibit area, Carrie spots Misha and discreetly IDs him as the ogler, and Charlotte gasps and tells her that he's quite famous in the abstract art world. As he ambles over, Charlotte gushes over his artistic brilliance...and when he asks her what she thinks of Disheveled Woman on Display, she nods gravely and calls it moving and significant. LOL. Misha then turns his attention to Carrie and asks her what she thinks of it, and she just shrugs disinterestedly, says she's not very arty, and that Disheveled Woman looks no different than any other depressed woman living in New York...and predicts that at 3am (when no one's watching) she'll probably be chowing down on a burger. Misha looks charmed by her boorish cluelessness about art, asks what her name is, then states in a flat voice, "You are...comic." As Charlotte interjects to once again gush over the brilliance of Misha's artistic wonderfulness, he grunts at her and rudely wanders off.
Blair Underwood drops by Casa Hobbes with a pizza, along with a smaller box that contains a special surprise. After a long smooch, Blair's beeper goes off 'cause of a sports emergency that just occurred...and after he rushes off, Miranda takes a peek inside the smaller box. When she sees that it contains a large, delicious looking cookie decorated with the words I love you, she stares at it in horror for several seconds...then begins scarfing it down in earnest.
The following day, Miranda tells Carrie about the I love you cookie, and that she panicked and ate the entire thing...her inane logic being "if it wasn't there, I wouldn't have to deal with it". When Carrie asks her if it's the I love you part that bothered her the most, she breezily says it couldn't possibly be that 'cause of how perfect Blair Underwood is...instead of reasonably pointing out that it's ridiculously early in their dating timeline for either her or Blair Underwood to be throwing out I love yous. She says he's being very cute as he helps her plan Brady's first birthday party this coming Saturday...and Carrie looks fake concerned and says she'll only go if no clowns are present, then declares in a contrived sounding way, "Nothing's scarier than a clown."
At the next brunch summit, Carrie asks Samantha if she's ever heard of Misha, and Samantha's like, "Well d'yuh!" and dishes about how he used to party at Studio 54 in the '70s and hook up with supermodels. A beaming Charlotte arrives late and announces that she just learned she's three weeks pregnant...and a few seconds after that, Samantha scratches her cooch and over-shares to her icked out friends that she's growing out her hair down there 'cause Smith enjoys a full bush.
Misha calls up Carrie...but when he mutteringly takes too long to identify himself, she gets impatient and hangs up. On his third try, he manages to quickly blurt out his name, then invites Carrie to go see Disheveled Woman on Display at 3am to ensure that she's not taking a burger break. Heh. He proposes they get together for dinner at 1am, then head over to the gallery afterwards. Carrie blushingly accepts his invitation...and a few seconds after she hangs up, Harry calls her with sad news about his and Charlotte's newly conceived spawn.
When Carrie arrives at Casa York-Goldenblatt, Harry tells her "it just went away" and that Charlotte is sitting on the couch, staring despondently into space. Carrie joins her on the couch and coos about how sorry she is, while Harry tries to be upbeat about trying for a baby again in the near future...and if that doesn't work out, he'll rotate her in as the next Disheveled Woman on Display at the gallery and sell tickets. Charlotte tells Carrie she's much too sad to attend Brady's birthday party on Saturday, and Carrie assures her that Miranda will understand.
Blair Underwood asks Miranda how she liked the cookie he gave her - er, five days ago - then dejectedly adds that she hasn't yet brought it up. Miranda tells him she ate the entire thing...and when he comes right out and asks her what she thought of the I love you that was written atop it, she chirps, "Sweet! So sweet!" but then contorts her face into a troubled expression as they canoodle. Later, while watching Jules & Mimi, she calls Carrie to tell her how fucked up she is 'cause she was unable to return Blair's premature declaration of love. Carrie's like, "Well, do you love him?" and Miranda says that while he's perfect in so many ways, she's not sure if he's really the one.
Carrie taps out some drivel about how people are always waiting for the one thing that makes life complete, blah blah. I'm so looking forward to when she completely abandons her raunch column in favor in preparing to follow Misha to Paris (spoiler).
As Samantha blow dries her hair, she notices a grey pube...and naturally, this leads to an ill-fated decision to dye her pubes, which somehow end up as a bright red bush. That disturbing visual segue ways into the bushy red hair of the clown that Steve's ma hired to entertain Brady at his birthday party. Miranda snaps at her in annoyance for hiring the freakish looking clown without her permission, then looks dismayed when ma starts guzzling one of the beers she brought along. When Debbie and Steve arrive, Debbie warmly greets Steve's ma and gamely accepts one of her beers. Miranda spots Harry and gratefully excuses herself to ask him how Charlotte is doing. He just shakes his head and says, "The same" ... meaning she's continuing to mope on the couch and stare listlessly at the TV.
Charlotte is flipping through channels when she happens to come upon the E! network's True Hollywood Story about Elizabeth Taylor. She perks up and looks intrigued.
Carrie arrives at Miranda's apartment and is startled by the sight of the clown, since apparently nothing's scarier - just as Samantha rushes over and says she needs a private moment with her in the bathroom asap. Once they're behind closed doors, Samantha points to her crotch, says she found a grey hair down there, and that it's a disaster. Carrie shrugs and says it's just part of getting older - but Samantha uses both hands to motion toward her crotch and insists that this cannot get old. She says she considered tweezing the grey hairs, but knows it'll only result in more grey hairs sprouting up. She then confesses that she used hair dye in an attempt to get rid of the grey...but somehow it turned a bright shade of red. She then lifts her skirt to needlessly expose her well-worn cooch to Carrie and miserably calls herself Bozo the Bush.
Looking newly inspired by Elizabeth Taylor's E! True Hollywood Story, Charlotte shuts off the TV, decks herself out in a fabulous strapless pink dress with a sweetheart neckline, and sashays over to Miranda's apartment.
Debbie gushes to Miranda about how lovely the party is, and how pleased she is about the way that she/Steve and Miranda/Blair Underwood have coupled up. A few seconds later, Blair Underwood ambles over and gives Miranda a squeeze...but she squirms out of his grasp and rushes off to the laundry room to fetch the birthday cake. Steve enters the room after her and tells her he got a fancy 1 candle...and she stares at him with a stricken expression on her face before blurting out, "I love you" then apologizes for turning his life on its ass, pretty much since the day she met him. Steve perks up at her declaration, returns the I love you...and when Miranda asks about Debbie, he's like, "Meh. You're the one." What a hopeless sap.
The partygoers sing Happy Birthday - just as Charlotte arrives in her fabulous pink dress and coos, "Make a wish, Brady!" We then get a voice-over from Carrie, informing us that three weeks later, Miranda and Steve resumed their shitty relationship.
Carrie meets up with Misha for a late dinner...and he feeds her an assortment of blechy looking snacks, including veal in aspic. When he remarks about how he usually works all night, she proudly tells him she writes a raunch column for a tabloid rag, to which he dryly retorts, "Congratulations." Bwahahahaha!! She asks him about his partying days at Studio 54, but he looks put out by the question and says he rarely thinks about the past in favor of what can happen today, tonight, and tomorrow...and Carrie stares back at him, her horsey face contorted into an expression of intrigued fascination.
Samantha unveils her newly shaved cooch to Smith after declaring that she's a working woman and doesn't have time for him to be "down there", searching for it amid all the greyness and whatnot.
At 3am, Carrie and Misha arrive at the gallery...and when she accidentally leaves her purse in the cab, Misha shows off his athletic prowess by chasing the cab down the street and retrieving the purse. Inside the gallery, the disheveled woman is still glumly staring into space, which puts to rest Carrie's theory about her gobbling down a burger at 3am. Carrie thanks Misha for asking her out on this odd date, then turns down his saucy invitation to accompany him to his nearby apartment for a romp. He responds by pressing himself against her and giving her an intense smooch.
Nope. No chemistry there.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee".