Recap: Carrie is in a meeting with Courtney and Lilly (of Clearwater Press) to hear their pitch for the cover photo they've come up with for her upcoming book. They warn her that they've Photoshopped her head atop an anorexic naked body...then - ta da! - reveal the ghastly thing. Carrie stares at it for a few seconds, cries, "No!", then apologizes for her involuntary negativity. Courtney says she likes that her reaction was a strong one, but Lilly points out that they'd prefer her reaction not be no! Courtney talks Carrie through their rationale for the hideous cover: Carrie is rushing around the fact-paced city of New York with nothing but her ideas. Sounds like an odd stretch for this concept, but OK. Carrie points out that no matter how busy she gets, she always manages to put clothes on (skimpy and/or skanky though they may be) before leaving the apartment. Courtney insists that the cover is an appropriate representation of a book that's all about sex, but Carrie argues that the book is really more about relationships...and by relationships, she means whatever genitalia-centric raunch she and girlfriends are talking up that week. Lilly glares at Courtney and says, "We're fucked", so Carrie asks to see the cover again to see if maybe she was too hasty in rejecting it outright...but then firmly vetoes the fugly thing a second time.
The gigolas take a break from lunching to go on a bookstore field trip. Carrie glances at a bunch of covers and declares all of them terrible, then starts twitching about the state of her nasty book cover. Samantha wanks her about how fabulous she is and asks her how she'd like to see herself on the cover, so Carrie says she'd like to try to pass herself off as a writer who's smart, sexy...and whose photo is properly airbrushed. Samantha says she can definitely help her out with that by setting up a photo shoot with her favorite stylist, and will waive her exorbitant PR fee in exchange for lunch and two martinis.
Miranda's browsing in the diet section 'cause she's looking to lose her baby weight, while Charlotte seeks out a book she's heard good things about for divorcees: Starting Over Yet Again. As she ventures over to the self-help section, scary music starts tinkling in the background and she spots several weeping women browsing the various books about being newly single. When Charlotte picks up a copy of Starting Over Yet Again, one of the weeping women remarks, "That really helped me." Charlotte looks back at her with disdain, decides she can't bring herself to accept that she belongs in the same self-help area with these teary losers, and puts the book back on the shelf...then scrunches her face as if confused and goes, "Travel? Travel?" and high-tails it out of there.
At the checkout counter, the salesgirl tells Miranda that the diet book she's about to buy is psychotic and that it caused her to regain all the weight she initially lost. She says the only sane way to lose weight is to join Weight Watchers 'cause their PR people must have negotiated some prime product placement on Sex and the City that week.
Charlotte goes home, logs onto her Amazon account and buys Starting Over Yet Again, overnight express and shame free.
Samantha gets a delivery from her semi-regular Worldwide Express guy, hunky actor Nick Scotti who once played Tony Viscardi on The Young and the Restless. Yum. Samantha purrs, "That's quite a package" and gazes at him seductively as she signs for it...and after Nick gets an eyeful of her ample cleavage, she says she just got her nails done and asks him if he'd mind opening her package. He obliges her and rips it open, and she looks all turned on, glances at his crotch, and offers to help him with his package. He perks up at that and blurts out, "Fucking aye!" so Samantha drops to her knees to blow him...'cause, yeah, why not start cock-gobbling a delivery guy you barely know in your unlocked PR office in the middle of a workday? While that's happening, Carrie arrives for her appointment with Samantha and, predictably, walks in on her in mid-blow. She widens her eyes as if Samantha on her knees in front of a hunky delivery guy is the last thing she'd ever expect to see on Sex and the City, is all, "Ack!" ... then flees the office, banging her elbow on the door in the process. Nick Scotti looks slightly irked at the interruption and asks Samantha if she's planning on finishing him off, but she tells him she's had enough for now.
Miranda attends her first Weight Watchers meeting and meets a chubby, insecure guy named Tom...and we can safely assume that these two will hit the sheets a few scenes from now.
Carrie is hanging in her apartment with Stanford, browsing through various fashion magazines to get ideas for the type of outfits she'd like to try on during the upcoming photo shoot. Stanford smiles goofily and then stares at her expectantly, so she asks him whassup with his happy mood. He tells her he met a new fella, begs her to suspend her usual judgeyness, then reveals that his new love is a Broadway calibre dancer who performs at Radio City Music Hall. As Carrie processes the news, Samantha phones her up to cackle, "How funny was that thing in my office today!" ... and when Carrie complains about injuring her elbow while rushing the hell out of her office, Samantha tells her to lighten up, then quickly changes the subject and says she got her stylist to pull an assortment of "sexy chic" outfits for the photo shoot. She proposes they get together on Saturday to look them over, and Carrie says she'd like to bring Stanford along, 'cause he's gay and bitchy...aka, her target test audience.
Charlotte gets an email from Amazon as a result of her recent purchase, recommending various other books for sad, lonely women. She looks over the recommended titles - Lonely Women No Men, Love Hurts You Don't Have To, Reservations For One - and gets so irrationally upset that she grabs Starting Over Yet Again and throws it out of her window. It lands at the feet of a woman who has been contemplating divorce, and she considered it a sign from God. And good fortune, since the book fell at her feet instead of clocking her in the head.
Miranda and Tom are hanging in a diner, discussing all the various diets he's failed at, and how he split with his fiancee 'cause she was always so critical of his fatness and overeating. The two salivate over the glazed donuts on display on the counter, and Miranda suggests they split one...then natters on and on about the awesomeness of glazed donuts as if she's suddenly an obsessive junk food addict. As Tom munches his half of the donut, he slyly says, "I know how we can burn this off" ... and in the next scene, the two are in his bed getting it on. Miranda squeals orgasmically as he goes down on her...but when he comes up for air, she's visibly grossed out by his sloppy wet mouth.
Miranda tells the gals about Tom's sloppy wet mouth during the next brunch summit...and Carrie shrieks, "No!" while Charlotte declares it bad manners and primly says that a man should always keep Altoids and a box of tissues on his nightstand for just such occasions. Miranda says she couldn't bring herself to criticize Tom 'cause of how over-sensitive he is...plus, he looked so proud of himself for pleasuring her. She then realizes it's a double standard and says she'd be deeply insulted if a guy ever refused to kiss her after blowing him and asks Samantha if she kisses guys after blowing them...and Carrie interjects and says, "Nope, she just signs the delivery slip and sends him on his way." Bwahaha! Samantha glares at her and asks her if she has a problem with her blowing the Worldwide Express guy...and Charlotte makes a face and goes, "Ewwww.." Carrie points out that Charlotte, and not she, was the one who eww-ed her indiscriminate blowing just now - and that, nope, she has absolutely no problem with her blowing a delivery guy she barely knows. Miranda asks where this blowing occurred, and Samantha haughtily says it happened in her office, and that Nick Scotti isn't just any Worldwide Express guy, he's her Worldwide Express guy on Tuesdays and Thursdays. As the other three laugh heartily at her shameless slutitude, she gets insulted and brusquely tells Carrie they should get going if they're going to meet her stylist on time.
Samantha hands Carrie a furry pink negligee and excitedly urges her to try it on, and Carrie's like, "Um, seriously?", but then takes it with her into the fitting room. Stanford and his dancer hottie Marcus arrive just as Carrie emerges from the fitting room in the ridiculous pink get-up. Stanford proudly introduces Marcus to Carrie and Samantha, and Carrie apologizes for the outfit she's currently wearing and says she doesn't normally dress like a high class hooker [insert joke here about her regularly dressing like a cheap looking streetwalker]. Samantha hotly denies it's hooker wear, and Carrie snaps, "It screams 'hooker'!" to which Samantha poutishly says she has one in red, then bitchily asks, "Am I a hooker?" Um...in spirit, most definitely - but technically, no. She asks Stanford and Marcus what they think, and the consensus is that the fugly outfit is outdated looking and inappropriate for a book cover. Carrie asks the guys to wait outside, then tells Samantha that the two of them have very different ideas of what sexy is...and that she doesn't feel comfortable in an outfit that looks like something an extra in Moulin Rouge would wear. She reminds Samantha that now that they're well into Season 5, they're all a bit long in the tooth to be wearing the kind of skankwear they could get away with prancing around in in Seasons 1-3. Samantha accuses Carrie of being judgemental for catching her blowing Nick Scotti in her office the other day and that she'd never judge her if the situation were reversed...but then Carrie says that a reverse of the situation would never happen 'cause she wouldn't think to start blowing a delivery guy in her unlocked office for anyone to walk in on. Samantha angrily declares that she will blow whomever she wants as long as she can "breathe and kneel" ... and a few seconds later, she gets a taste of her own medicine when she accidentally walks in on a smug looking Stanford getting blown by Marcus. Does no one on this show think to lock the door before the blowing starts??
Tom is going down on Miranda again, and afterwards tries to smooch her with his sloppy wet mouth...but she rebuffs him and tells him how icky she finds his post-cunnilingus kisses. Tom pouts, accuses her of implying that he's a "big fat sloppy eater" and says he's so distraught he feels like going out and scarfing down an entire potpie. Dude definitely has issues. He pissily says they shouldn't see each other anymore and storms out of the room, ignoring Miranda's cooing to come back to bed.
To avoid Tom at future Weight Watchers meetings, Miranda starts attending the venue that happens to be located right beside a Krispy Kreme bakery. Which works out OK, 'cause after this episode we never see Miranda attend Weight Watchers again.
Carrie shows up at Samantha's office, makes double sure with the receptionist that her boss isn't in there blowing anyone, then goes inside. Samantha gives her a contrite smile and says she's been too busy the last two days to call her...then says she'd prefer to not acknowledge their quarrel and just pretend as if the whole thing never happened. Carrie admits she was judging her just a little and now feels bad about it...then wanks her about how much she admires the shameless, undignified way she insists on putting her sex life "out there". The two then get down to business and look over the various photos Carrie brought along to demonstrate the kind of look she'd like for her book cover...and while they're doing that, Samantha tells her that she walked in on Stanford getting blown by Marcus. Carrie is both surprised and impressed that Stanford, and not his hot dancer beau, was the blowee.
Photo shoot! Carrie is decked out in an ultra short black shirt-dress type thing and strappy heels. As she grins stupidly and poses for the camera as if she's just been discovered as the world's newest supermodel, Samantha nauseatingly gushes, "Isn't she faaaaaaaabulous?"
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