Sex and the City - Season 4, Episode 7

"If I were her and Aidan were Big, those two would totally be hitting the sheets right now."

"Time and Punishment"
Original airdate: 7/8/2001

Episode summary: Aidan gets back at Carrie for her Big friendship by passive aggressively striking up a flirtation with a pretty waitress. Miranda injures her neck and gets time off work. Charlotte quits her gallery job to become a full time lady of leisure.

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Recap: Aidan and Carrie are going at it in the sack when the phone suddenly rings...and as soon as the answering machine kicks in, we hear Mr. Big coo, "Call me, baby." [Have I mentioned enough in these recaps how much I fucking loathe Big and his obnoxious hey babys?] As Aidan glares over at the phone, Carrie starts stammering some kind of explanation...but he just ignores her and continues with his smooching.    
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At brunch, Carrie tells the gigolas that Big left her a message while she and Aidan were bumping uglies...but that Aidan just kept boning her. The next morning, however, she couldn't help but notice that Aidan had moved all to the way to the very edge of the bed, which was a total switch from their usual routine of her cuddling inside the nook of his arm. She glumly adds that she's afraid he'll never forgive her for her Big indiscretion last season. Charlotte mercifully changes the subject and announces that she's considering quitting her job at the gallery and explains that she wants to quit working altogether. Yeah, I'd love to quit working too; unfortunately, I don't have a rich doctor who's willing to pay my bills. When the gals stare back at her in stunned silence, she explains that she's been driving herself so crazy lately "just trying to get everything done" that Trey suggested she dump her career to become a full time lady of leisure. She dismissively remarks, "What has the gallery ever done for me?" Gee, I dunno...provided you with the ability to make a pretty easygoing living in New York City all these years?? Carrie reminds her that she loves her gallery job, but Charlotte says there's so much more she could be doing with her life, such as bear Trey's spawn, take Indian cooking classes, glaze bowls, and volunteer to help fundraise for the new pediatric AIDS wing at Trey's hospital. When Carrie gently asks if she just had a bad work week, Charlotte unconvincingly insists that she really really wants to quit. Samantha warns her to be very sure of her decision, 'cause once she gets off "the Ferris wheel", plenty of ruthlessly ambitious young women will be lining up to take her cushy job at the gallery. 

"Now that I'm safely married to a rich doctor, it's time for me to dump the career I was only pretending to be interested in."

"How in the hell are we supposed to keep passing ourselves off as independent career women who only need men for sex?"

Later, Carrie is sitting on her bed, tapping out her usual 'I couldn't help but wonder' bullcack on her laptop. In this week's shittastic instalment, she longs for a swift medical procedure - a lobotomy, to be specific - to erase all ugly memories and mistakes from her consciousness. She runs her hand along the side of the bed that Aidan usually sleeps on and voice-overs that from now on she only wants to experience fun times...then contorts her horsey face into an expression of wistfulness as she taps out: can you ever really forgive if you can't forget? I dunno, Carrie. How about avoiding the conundrum altogether by not sleeping around on a total keeper with your unhappily married ex?

Samantha is decked out in a fugly pink pantsuit and loaded down with shopping bags when she hails a cab. When one stops for her, she struts towards it - but then some random guy beats her to it and climbs into the back seat. Samantha's all, "Hey!", but then perks up when the cab stops at a nearby stoplight. She runs toward it, shoves her shopping bags into the back seat, and forces the cab thief to shove over. In the next scene the two are fervently doinking in Samantha's loft...'cause, yeah, why not spend the afternoon doinking a complete stranger you just met in the back of a cab, and then somehow equate it to an empowering tribute to feminism?
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The following morning, Carrie once again finds Aidan huddled in the furthest corner of her bed. When she presses against him for a morning canoodle, he glances at his watch and says he needs to hit the gym pronto in order to ward off his Season 3 paunch. Carrie leans in for a kiss, but he cringes at her mouth stank and tells her to brush her teeth first. Ouch. And haha! Carrie poutishly voice-overs, "Well that settled it...he wasn't forgiving or forgetting."  

Charlotte calls Miranda to admonish her for being "so judgemental" when she announced she was quitting her job...which is odd 'cause I don't remember Miranda doing anything during that conversation except stare dully into space. Miranda growls that it's 8:15am, she's busy getting ready for work, and that she (Charlotte) should take up whatever insecurities she has about quitting her job with her prissy dork of a husband. She's about to hang up when Charlotte rails about how there's nothing wrong with wanting to raise a baby and help cure AIDS, then orders Miranda to get behind her choice. Miranda barks, "You get behind your choice!" and hangs up the phone while Charlotte is repeatedly bellowing, "I choose my choice! I choose my choice!" An irritated Miranda jerks her head to the side...and the movement somehow results in her entire neck getting thrown out of whack.  

Carrie brings Aidan a fresh glass of orange juice and acts all saucy and seductive when she tells him she just bought it from "the Korean" ... and is saying this while wearing a skirt and a flesh colored bra that makes it look like she's walking around topless. And since I highly doubt she went to "the Korean" without a top on, I can only assume she quickly stripped it off before performing her I'm-so-sexy schtick for Aidan's viewing pleasure, even though he looks completely disinterested in ogling her sinewy naked torso. She gabbles about how she has a tense meeting with her editor this morning and asks Aidan to help her stick on her nicotine patch. She fishes for a compliment about how great she's doing kicking the smoking habit, then declares herself to be "practically perfect". Aidan roughly smacks the patch onto her back...and when she yells, "Oww!" and stares at him in bewilderment, he snidely says he just wanted to be sure it was on good and tight. A few seconds later, he gets irritated at the curdled milk in her fridge...and when Carrie calls him out on his pissy attitude, he back pedals and says he's just stressed 'cause he needs someone to watch Pete for a few days while he strips some of his furniture pieces with toxic chemicals. Carrie says she'd be happy to dog-sit, despite her dislike of Pete and Pete's utter disdain for her, then offers to take him out to dinner tonight. Aidan declines and says he had plans to get together with the guys at Scout...then says she's welcome (though not really) to join them. Miranda calls to inform Carrie that her entire body is now out of whack because of the marathon (that must have taken place off camera). Carrie asks, "Is there anything I can do?" and Miranda barks, "Come over!" Carrie starts nattering about about her meeting with her editor, but Miranda doesn't give a rat's ass and snaps, "Thanks!" as the phone accidentally slips out of her hand. Carrie moans to Aidan that it's probably too late to cancel the meeting with her editor, so Aidan takes the hint and offers to check in on Miranda in her place. Carrie hugs him and gushes about what a great boyfriend he is.

"I need you to come over asap."

"When I asked if there was anything I could do, I meant it rhetorically."

Twenty minutes later, a naked Miranda is laying face down atop a bathmat on her bathroom floor 'cause apparently it's the only position that eases the pain in her neck. When she hears someone enter the apartment, she weakly calls out, "Carrie..?" but Aidan identifies himself. Miranda panics and warns him to not come into the bathroom - but he bursts in anyway, looks startled by the sight of her naked backside, and exclaims, "Oh Jesus!" Miranda attempts to get up on her own - but can't do it and cries out in pain. Aidan discreetly covers her naked parts with a towel, lifts her up, and carries her out of the bathroom.   

Charlotte is interviewing for her gallery replacement...which seems like kind of a strange hiring practice, but maybe the gallery doesn't have anything resembling a Human Resources manager. She interviews a grisly looking young woman who reminds her of a younger version of herself and hires her on the spot...which seems pretty rash, but OK. The young woman asks her why she's leaving this fantastic job, and Charlotte dreamily retorts, "I'm marrrrried" as if that alone is any kind of explanation for exiting the workforce, then adds that she's planning on starting a family soon, and also wants to do her part to cure AIDS.   

Carrie drops by Scout decked out in a crop top and long skirt so that we can get another long look at her bare torso. She spots Aidan sitting at the bar, then struts over and exclaims, "My hero!" and thanks him for being great - not only to her - but also to her friends. She's startled when an attractive waitress named Shayna suddenly pops up from behind the bar and asks Aidan if they're still on for a game of jacks (played with peanuts). Carrie introduces herself, then asks Aidan where the guys are...and he grunts that they all blew him off. Carrie tells Shayna about how totes awesome Aidan was to her injured friend (in other words: back off my man!), and Shayna flirtily grins at Aidan and replies, "We got us a nice guy here." Carrie pulls Aidan aside and discreetly asks him whassup with him getting all cozy with Shayna, and Aidan's all, "Wha-a?" and pretends he has absolutely no clue what she's talking about. Carrie tells him to go ahead and do his thing, but that he should come by her apartment whenever he's done with his jacks/peanuts game.

By 3:00am, it becomes clear to Carrie that Aidan was blowing her off...and she sadly blows out the romantic candles she had surrounded her bed with and voice-overs that she's definitely being punished for her "Big mistake".

The next morning, Carrie checks in on Miranda, who stiffly answers the door wearing a neck brace and informs Carrie that she had to sleep sitting up. Like the Elephant Man. Carrie holds up the bag of bagels she brought over to cheer her up, then starts yammering about how Aidan never came over last night. Miranda gets irked and bellows, "This is bullshit" ... and when Carrie assumes she's referring to Aidan's behavior and is all, "Right..?", Miranda clarifies, "No, you! You are bullshit!" and accuses Carrie of using the bagels as a decoy so that she could go on and on about Aidan. She then angrily rails about how Aidan saw her naked butt when he unexpectedly came over, and Carrie sheepishly apologizes for sending him in her place...but then continues to yammer about how she's pretty sure Aidan is hitting the sheets with Shayna to torture her for her sleazy affair with Big.   

Samantha's cabbie hookup is getting dressed after another doinkfest. Samantha lays on the bed, stares at him dreamily, and coos, "You're a wild man" and he's like, "Uh, speaking of wild.." and tells her she needs to get her pubes waxed, asap. As he strides out of the loft, Samantha stares after him in bewildered mortification.

"It's a scary jungle down there."

"How dare he criticize my well worn cooch."

Samantha accompanies Carrie as she walks Pete, bitching about the criticism she just got about her pubes. She snappishly says that her cabbie hookup isn't exactly one to talk, since she'd need a weed whacker just to find his dick...and says this really loud so that all the elderly Upper East Side ladies who are walking nearby can listen in on her raunch. Pete halts the walk to pinch out a loaf, and Samantha glares down at the pup with disgust and asks, "Why are you even walking this mongrel?" Carrie explains that she's doing it to prove to Aidan that she's loving and trustworthy [in lieu of any genuine affection for the poor dog] in order to worm her way back into "the nook". Samantha warns that she may never get back there, then is all, "Ew!" when Pete's poop starts coming out as diarrhea. She grumbles, "This is not my scene" and flees, leaving Carrie to crouch walk behind Pete with an open magazine as a means of capturing his runny poop. She somehow manages to diaper the poor pooch...then takes a cab to Aidan's furniture store, where she's vexed to find Aidan sitting out front, chatting it up with Shayna. She hauls Pete over to him, snaps, "Your dog got sick. I'm leaving!" and storms back to the cab. Aidan comes running over to ask whassup with her bitchitude and to explain that he's just taking a work break with Shayna, who just happened to stop by. Carrie haughtily retorts, "I diapered your dog!" as if it was some great sacrifice on her part, then asks him whassup with his flirtation with Shayna. He mumbles that they're just friends, so she snarks, "Then why don’t you just fuck her, then we can both be bad!" and takes off in the cab.    

"She's cute, friendly, and genuinely likes Pete."

"Damn. There's no possible way I can compete with an attractive animal lover."

Later, Aidan drops by Carrie's apartment with a grim look on his face and assures her that nothing happened with Shayna - but admits to seriously contemplating it. Carrie invites him in, but he poutishly says, "I'm too pissed to come in" and adds that he hates the fact that Big calls her. She assures him that the writers are content to not repeat her cheating story arc a second time, but refuses to cut Big out of her life. She admits to making a horrible mistake by cheating on him, but insists that he can't keep punishing her and that he has to forgive her. She gets all teary and cries, "You have to forgive me...you have to forgive me..." and keeps repeating that phrase in a dramatically acted loop that goes on for what seems like a really looooong time. Aidan finally shuts her up by coming inside and hugging her.

Samantha chides her cabbie hookup for talking shit about her pubes, then calls out his thick ball of genital fur. He apologizes for his insensitivity and asks how he can make it up to her...then agrees to let Samantha shave his hairy genitals. In the next scene, he looks delighted at going bare down there 'cause of how much bigger his dick looks. Fantastic.

It's Charlotte's last day at the gallery...and she gets into a brief scrap with her replacement, then apologizes and explains that she's still a bit wigged out at transitioning to a life of unemployment. She takes one last look around, says, "I think I'm done", and struts out to pursue her new life's objectives: 

• Be a good mother (that's years away)
• Cure AIDS (godspeed, Charlotte)
• Prove Miranda wrong (I don't get the sense that Miranda gives too much of a shit about Charlotte's employment status)
  

Miranda, meanwhile, calls her secretary (or whoever) to push back her meetings 'cause she's not quite fully recovered from her neck injury - even though she's no longer wearing the neck brace and is lounging on the couch watching TV. Carrie voice-overs, "She'd have to go back eventually, just to prove Charlotte wrong" Well...that and to continue making a living, since she's not the one who's married to a rich doctor who's willing to pick up the tab for her life of sloth.

And while Carrie and Aidan were not quite back where they were pre-shitty affair, they were in a more honest place. We then see the two cuddling in bed, with Carrie having successfully wormed her way back into the nook.

Why, Aidan? Whyyyyyyy??

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