Sex and the City - Season 4, Episode 6

"Prosthetic nipples are huge with shameless exhibitionists!"

"Baby, Talk Is Cheap"
Original airdate: 7/1/2001

Episode summary: Carrie somehow convinces Aidan to resurrect their shitty relationship. Charlotte and Trey decide to try for a baby. Miranda's anus gets some unexpected tongue action.

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Recap: Carrie is staring at her phone, trying to muster the courage to call Aidan. Eventually she forces herself to dial his number...but then hangs up when his answering machine kicks in.

In the next scene, Carrie attends an African dancercise class with Charlotte, looking ridic in a head kerchief and dorky glasses. As she makes a half-hearted effort to follow along with the dance moves, she tells Charlotte she's been faux calling Aidan, then asks her to keep it on the down-low 'cause she's kind of embarrassed by her immature behavior, as well she should be.

At drinks that evening, Charlotte orders Carrie to tell Miranda and Samantha what she admitted to her during the African dancercise class...and Carrie chides her for blabbing what she told her in confidence, then confesses to wanting Aidan back. Miranda warns her to be prepared for Aidan not wanting to hear her half-assed apology, while Samantha calls Aidan granola and makes an ew face as she adds, "Soooo not you." Charlotte, however, thinks Aidan's the perfect guy 'cause he once stripped Carrie's floors and is generally a handy man's man to have around. Miranda suggests a safe approach in her attempt to rekindle their relationship, such as email...while Samantha giddily suggests she show up at Aidan's furniture store wearing a set of prosthetic nipples, then holds up a pair she just happens to be toting around and excitedly pronounces, "Nipples are huge right now!" Miranda looks intrigued and says she'd like to test them out with the men in their immediate orbit. She discreetly slips them on, wanders around the bar with her tiny chest thrust out, and looks pleasantly surprised when men start to ogle her. Samantha looks put out by the attention Miranda (and not she) is getting and grumbles, "I want my nipples back!"

Miranda is at Central Park, training for an upcoming marathon in the slowish "ten minute mile group". She initiates flirty banter with a cute guy and saucily asks him why he's in such a slow group, so he explains that he's still recovering from knee surgery. He suggests they get together to train during the week, and Miranda chirps, "Sure!" but remains uncertain if he's just into getting some extra training, or is interested in her in a let's jump in the sack type way.  

As the MacDougal apartment undergoes Phase I of its redecorating transformation, Trey compliments Charlotte for her choice of wallpaper in the dining room. The two then move into the next room on their redo list: the study. Charlotte points out that it's right off the bedroom, then asks him what he thinks they should do with it...and Trey gets a faraway look on his face and suggests turning it into a nursery. Charlotte pretends to be unexpectedly delighted by the answer she was secretly hoping would come out of his mouth, and the two start hugging and smooching.

"Why don't we totally jump the gun and turn this room into a nursery?"

"Yippee!"

Samantha's hookup du jour is a Harvard MBA named Warren, and he's barking at someone on his cell phone while staring at Samantha's prosthetically enhanced nipples. He abruptly ends his call, and then he and Samantha start grinding against each other in earnest.

Carrie is in her apartment, agonizing about what to write to Aidan on her newly created AOL account. She finally decides on I miss you, hits send, then squeals like an overexcited schoolgirl.

Samantha is dismayed when Warren demonstrates a penchant for slipping into some strange sounding baby talk during sex.

While out shopping, Samantha commiserates to Carrie and Charlotte about Warren's baby talk, and they're all, "Ewww!" and concur that it is, indeed, strange behavior from a grown man. Charlotte checks out a rack of baby clothes and breaks the news to the gals that she and Trey have decided to try for a baby. Samantha stares at her in bewilderment and goes, "Why??" - LOL - and Carrie reminds Charlotte that she just formally reconciled with her prissy husband just two short episodes ago. Charlotte doesn't want to wait any longer to have a baby 'cause she's getting a bit long in the tooth to conceive, then ambles off to browse more baby clothes. While she's doing that, she runs into an old friend named Tricia, who's a married mother of three. After the two catch up, Charlotte invites Tricia and her brood to her Park Avenue penthouse for a small dinner party.

In the next scene, Charlotte informs Trey that she invited Tricia and her family over for dinner...and she tells him this as she's bouncing atop him in an overly frenetic fashion that doesn't look as though it would be remotely pleasurable for her. Trey replies, "Alrighty."

Thirty-six hours after sending Aidan the I miss you email, Carrie decides she can't wait another minute to call the poor sod and ask whassup with him not sending her a reply. When she starts prattling into the phone as soon as he answers, he scrunches his face in confusion and goes, "Who is this?" - bwahaha!! - so Carrie identifies herself and natters about the ignored email, which apparently he deleted 'cause he assumed it was junk mail. She asks him if he'd be interested in getting together for a group night thing with herself, Steve, and Miranda, and he murmurs, "Yeah, yeah...sounds good" but doesn't look particularly enthused about the idea.

"I was wondering if you'd consider going on a group date with me present."

"Ugh."

After a marathon training session, Miranda is in the sack with Marathon Man, 'cause heaven forbid she spend more than five minutes getting to know him on a human level. He peels off her running clothes and licks her sweaty back...then for some reason decides to dip his tongue inside her anus.

Carrie asks Miranda if she got her email about going on a group date, and Miranda grumpily says she's not interested in going on any kind of date with Steve. Carrie explains that he's only there to serve as an airbag while she tries to insidiously worm her way back into Aidan's life...but Miranda is concerned about Steve getting the wrong idea, 'cause at the moment she's intrigued by the anus licking she's receiving from her current hookup. She asks the gals if it's a normal type thing for guys to be doing...so Samantha says she's definitely game for whenever a guy isn't grossed out by the idea of tonguing her butthole, and Charlotte tells her that Trey likes to do it, then demurely bats her doe eyes and adds, "We're married." Samantha says there's been an upward trend in the number of men who have shown an interest in pleasuring a woman's anus, which makes Miranda regret cringing away from Marathon Man when he suddenly stuck his face in her ass crack. Samantha advises her to lean into it, which will give him a clear signal that it's a turn on for her - but doesn't recommend ever reciprocating, 'cause ew.

Charlotte and Trey are hosting dinner for Tricia, Cliff, and their three children...and things quickly turn awkward when Tricia and Cliff start bickering about their bratty kids' behavior. Charlotte and Trey get so turned off by the idea of procreating that, at bedtime, they sleep with their backs facing each other, on opposite sides of the bed.

While on the group date, Carrie is nervously prattling about something or other...and Aidan attempts to chill her out by putting a calming hand on her hand. Incidentally, Aidan has decked himself out in a white blouse with some fancy sixties style embroidery across the front - and I'll assume that this wardrobe choice came from the crazed mind of Patricia Field, whose aesthetic sensibilities the Sex and the City producers have repeatedly fallen all over themselves gushing about...and I'm just going to leave it at that. When Steve and Aidan double up on an impromptu bathroom visit, Carrie asks Miranda if she wouldn't mind leaving and taking Steve with her so that she can get some alone time with Aidan.

Carrie walks Aidan to his building, then blurts out that she wants to get back together. He blurts out an expletive in response - bwahaha!! - and says he was afraid she might suggest that, and that he'd really prefer to keep things platonic [or, better yet, non-existent]. Carrie stares at him in befuddlement and says she read waaaay too much into the way he put his hand atop hers in the restaurant, so he explains that he was merely trying to ease her obvious discomfort 'cause she seemed so nervous, the way she was prattling on and on. Carrie moans about how stupid she feels - as well she should - then gets a really awkward looking cheek bone kiss from Aidan.
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Carrie rushes home and places a desperate call to Miranda to discuss Aidan's non-interest in reviving their shitty relationship, and says she wants to go back to his apartment for another forcible discussion of the matter...but Miranda cuts her off and complains that Steve tried to kiss her after they left the restaurant. Carrie glances at her computer, notices that Aidan is online, and is all, "Ack!" and asks Miranda if he can somehow spy on her through his computer screen. Miranda advises the dimwit to pace herself and just send Aidan another email, but Carrie vetoes that sensible advice and says she's going back to his place to make a giant arse of herself 'cause she's pretty sure that Aidan's mouth was saying no while his blouse bedecked body was saying yes. 

Carrie arrives at Aidan's building and throws pebbles at his apartment window. A few minutes later, his light comes on and he pokes his head out to see whassup...and when he sees it's Carrie, he puts on his white blouse (OMFG) and rushes downstairs. Carrie tells him she's pretty sure there's still a scrap of affection between them - but he disagrees and says they had a nice time on the group date and would like to leave it at that. Carrie insists that she's a totes different person than the cigarette puffing, cheating slutbag she was in Season 3...then fishes out the pack of cigarettes from her purse, dramatically throws them onto the street, and says that all of her bad habits are gone. Though, if her smoking habit was truly gone, she probably wouldn't have had the pack of cigarettes in her purse in the first place. She starts nattering about how much hotter he is now than he was last season and how much she misses him - and when he can take her shrill voice no more, he screeches, "You broke my heart!!" Bwahahahaha!! Carrie's horsey face contorts in an expression of stricken mortification, and she scampers down the street in her stupid high heels.

"You cheated on me with your married ex!"

"But that was sooo last season."

Samantha decides that she can no longer tolerate Warren's baby talk during their romps, so she tells him that while he's a good solid fuck, it wigs her out whenever he refers to her breasts as "titty-witties". A mortified Warren responds by climbing off the bed and stalking into the bathroom. Samantha knocks on the door and tells him they can discuss this like adults - but Warren gets dressed, tells her he has an early day tomorrow, and leaves, never to be seen on Sex and the City again.

Trey has jumped the gun on baby making for the second time this episode by getting a silver rattle engraved, and arranging for it to be delivered to the apartment. Charlotte sits up in bed and clutches it lovingly, but reminds her sissy husband that they pretty much stopped doinking ever since the disastrous dinner party with Tricia, Cliff, and their repugnant spawn. They decide to take safeguards, such as stopping at one child, and ensuring that their son or daughter will be different than every other bratty kid on the planet. That settled, the two get into some heavy smooching action. 

Miranda is in the sack with Marathon Man again...and apparently he pleasured her so thoroughly that she offers to repay the favor by giving him a massage. As she sits behind him, he angles his butt so that it's inches from her face, which...subtle, dude. Miranda stares at it in horror and finally cries, "I don't want to do that!" and Marathon Man gets irked and admonishes her for not making her ass aversion clear before she started talking into it...and I have no idea what in the hell that's supposed to mean.

Carrie is laying in bed, looking despondent, when she hears pebbles being thrown against her window. She leaps up and sees Aidan standing in front of her building...and the two stare hungrily at each other before the camera goes into slo-mo mode as Aidan runs up the front steps and Carrie runs over to her door to unlock it. A few seconds later, Aidan bursts into her apartment, still in slo-mo, and the two start going at it. Ugh.

After the unspeakable has happened, Aidan asks Carrie if she's trying to make up for the past and/or relieve her conscience, but she says no...and that she really truly wants to be his girlfriend again. He kisses her forehead, says he needs to mull over that disturbing prospect, and heads home.

Miranda is at another marathon training session, and pushes herself hard enough to make it into the "nine minute mile group" so that she won't have to spend anymore time in the company of the grumpy anus licker. 

Aidan stands in front of Carrie's building and shouts up at her window...and when she pops her head out to see whassup, he says, "OK, let's give it a shot." Nooooooo!!! He then tells her he's taking Pete for a walk and invites her along, and she eagerly accepts, tells him she'll be right down, then rushes around her apartment to get ready. Ugh and double ugh.

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