Recap: Carrie voice-overs that she and Aidan have been dating for three weeks...and for some reason, the mellow, drama-free relationship is causing her to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. She can't figure out why this keeps happening, 'cause absolutely everything in her life seems to be in good order. When she continues waking up in a cold sweat, she decides she must be caught up in some sort of imagined existential crisis, and says, "For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship where absolutely nothing was wrong." Which I'll take to mean that she's about to indulge her self-destructive tendencies by sabotaging a healthy relationship with a perfectly nice guy for no logical reason.
At brunch the next day, Carrie complains to the gals that her relationship with Aidan is nothing but smooth sailing and calm seas. A perplexed Charlotte asks why this is a problem, so Carrie tells her it feels odd, that she likes "the hunt", and the effortlessness of being with an easygoing guy like Aidan is freaking her out. Samantha nods knowingly and says, "You're not getting the stomach flip." Miranda argues that there is an upside to being with a guy who has no surprises up his sleeve, and says she looooves that Steve is completely predictable, comfortable, and safe. Furthermore, she spends Saturday nights doing his laundry and has never been happier. Samantha makes a blech face, and calls her relationship with Steve her "greatest fear realized", then turns to Carrie and says, "If he seems too good to be true, then he probably is." Charlotte is suitably appalled at the notion of dumping guys for being too kind or available, then pulls out a book she's reading entitled Marriage Inc. It advises marriage-obsessed women like herself to spend less time with slutty single friends who focus on sex 24/7 and more time with married couples...the logic being that bachelor friends of married men are New York City's greatest untapped resource.
Miranda returns home and eats lasagna with Steve...and then the two spoon feed each other ice cream in bed. After that, it's a perfunctory doink, then a chance for Miranda to get caught up on Frontline while clipping her toenails.
Samantha's latest hookup is a doctor who enjoys taking Viagra recreationally 'cause apparently the drug sends him "on a rocket trip". Samantha looks intrigued as she gets him a glass of water...and a few minutes later she's moaning during his frenetic, woodpecker-style thrusting, 'cause yeah that looks super pleasurable.
Meanwhile, back at Casa Hobbes, Miranda and Steve are quietly spooning.
The next day, Carrie and Aidan amble around Manhattan. She asks him how it's possible that he's still single, and he points at her and asks her the same thing. She snaps at him to not get cute 'cause she fucking hates it when people get cute...and when Aidan says he expects an apology for her bitchitude, she admits that she can get a tad bitchy from time to time. She asks him about his bad traits, 'cause no way can she continue on with the pressure of this "perfect" relationship. [Get out now, Aidan!!] She asks him why he's never been married, and he tells her to chillax and just go with the flow. He then informs her that his parents will be in town this weekend...and for some God-only-knows-why reason, he wants her to meet them. A stunned Carrie mumbles, "That is really nice."
Charlotte is having dinner with her friend Amy and Amy's goofy looking husband Dennis. Charlotte announces that this is the year she's getting married...despite the fact that there's no prospect in sight and it's already the end of July. Dennis is like, "Oh..? Who's the lucky guy?" and Charlotte says she has no idea yet, then asks him if he can help out with that by setting her up with a single friend. While Dennis pretends to mull that over, Amy chirps, "What about Phil?" and tells Charlotte he's nice, good looking, and owns an Internet company. Charlotte squeals, "Phil!" and says she has tickets to the opera and would love to take him. She excitedly tells Dennis she'll confirm with him tomorrow about setting up a date.
Miranda is sorting through Steve’s dirty laundry and is aghast when she sees a poop stain on his underwear. Revolted, she throws the soiled gitch into the washing machine and quickly slams the door shut.
Miranda tells Carrie about the poop stain, and declares that the poopy pants have officially marked the end of romance in the relationship. She then wonders if she's less in a comfort zone than she is in a rut, and complains that even their sex life is well planned. Carrie's like, "Blah, blah...enough about you" and gabbles about how Mr. Big used to keep her far away from his mother during the church episode - which is in direct contrast to Aidan, who has already invited her to meet his parents. Of course, being the fickle moron she is, she isn't sure she actually wants to meet Ma and Pa Shaw. It suddenly dawns on her that Aidan is acting the way she wanted Big to act, and she's acting the way Big did.
Carrie returns to her apartment to churn out her weekly installment of sex-centric crap. As she taps away on her laptop, she natters some bullcack about how people - and by people she means herself - "are raised to believe that the course of true love can never run smoothly, and that there need to always be obstacles before they can live happily ever after". She wonders if something is missing when obstacles are not there, then taps out: "Do we need drama to make a relationship work?" No, Carrie. Those of us who aren't textbook narcissists don't need drama to make a relationship work...nor is a question like that even on the radar of emotionally stable people.
Charlotte calls Dennis to see about getting him to set up a blind date with Phil...but when he doesn't return any of her calls, she leaves him a snarky, crazy sounding message that accuses him of trying to keep her and Phil apart.
A restless looking Carrie hangs out in Aidan's furniture store, voice-overing that her anxiety-free relationship was driving her squirrelly brain crazy. She interrupts him while he's chatting with a customer (!) and tells him she's going to need to pass on dinner 'cause she needs to rush home and finish tapping out her raunch. He reminds her that his parents will be arriving in town tomorrow night, and that he thought it would be nice if they all went out for breakfast in the morning. Carrie makes a yeech face and says she's been wondering if that's really a good idea...and Aidan misinterprets the source of her angst and assures her that his parents will love her. Carrie waves a hand in the air and says she's not worried 'bout that, then boasts. "Parents have always been my thing. They think I'm adorable." OK. OMFG. Let me just say that, the Valerie Harper episode notwithstanding, I have serious doubts that an even slightly intuitive mother wouldn't be able to instantly see through this skank's self-serving bullshit a mile away...and then privately beg and plead with her son to date anybody else. Carrie explains that she's more concerned about them breaking up and him having to explain whatever happened to the adorable girl, then reminds him that meeting parents is a big deal. Aidan shrugs amiably and says she can meet them some other time, and adds that he'll miss her this weekend. Carrie bitchily says maybe it's a good thing that they'll have time to miss each other 'cause lately they've been too available to each other. Aidan gives her a funny look and informs her that he does have a life - he was just making room for her in it...and Carrie growls about how he always manages to say the right thing. [Why, Aidan? Why will you not flee?]
With no Phil on the horizon, Charlotte takes Carrie to the opera. She calls Dennis from the lobby and snarkily tells him she's at the opera - though not with Phil 'cause he refused to return her many calls. While she's snarking into the phone, Dennis picks up and explains that he's been away on a business trip, and didn't realize that a blind date with Phil was so important to her. He offers to set something up at Rudy's Bar tomorrow night, and promises that Phil will meet her there.
The doctor who's currently boning Samantha takes another Viagra pill just before hitting the sheets. An intrigued Samantha wonders aloud what would happen if she were to take one, but the doctor tells her it hasn't yet been established that they work for women. Samantha takes out one of the pills, holds it up, and asks, "There's no harm in trying, is there doctor?" ... and when she doctor neglects to tell her that it's unclear whether Viagra is safe for women to take or what kind of long-term effects it could have on the female body, Samantha pops it into her mouth and washes it down with a swig of water. Twenty minutes later, she's riding his baloney pony in a freakish looking state of ecstasy, while Carrie glibly voice-overs, "Samantha officially became the first woman to land on the moon."
Carrie is bored by the opera and borrows Charlotte's opera glasses to scan the crowd on the opposite side of the performance hall. She spots Big - ack! - who just happens to be looking through his opera glasses at that exact moment. He gives her a friendly wave, and she freezes for a few seconds, then tells Charlotte she isn't feeling well and needs to go home right this second. After she flees, Big mutters something to Natasha, and rushes out to - for some God-only-knows-why reason - chase after Carrie. Carrie voice-overs that she knew she was being rude to Charlotte (d'yuh) and a tad over-dramatic (try painfully immature, considering you're a grown ass woman) to flee at the sight of an ex-boyfriend...which, let's face it, he barely even was. Big tries to race after her, but gives up after he sees that she's exited the opera house and taken off down the street.
Carrie wakes up in a cold sweat once again - but this time she knew it was 'cause of the Big sighting. She calls Miranda, despite it being the middle of the fucking night, and tells her that maybe there is something to being with an emotionally stable, available man. She decides that she will try being a grown up and remain in a relationship with a man who - for some God-only-knows-why reason - wants to be with her.
The next morning Carrie calls Aidan, but is unable to get a hold of him. When evening falls, she gets the "stomach flip" and starts worrying that her shitty behavior earlier cost her a relationship - which she, in no way, even deserves.
Miranda is doing laundry when Steve enters the room, gives her a smooch, and the two start getting it on atop the vibrating washing machine.
Charlotte arrives at Rudy's and asks a few good looking men if they're Phil - and suddenly Dennis appears and tells her that Phil isn't coming. He says he was worried that she'd really like him, which would create a problem for him. When Charlotte scrunches her face in confusion, he confesses that he's totally in love with her...and Charlotte's like, "You can't be. You're married to my friend." Dennis sadly tells her that things on that front haven't been working out very well lately. Charlotte admonishes him for keeping her away from his eligible bachelor friends, then slaps him across the face and says she has no intention of participating in a sleazy affair with such a goofy looking guy. As she storms out of the bar, he chases after her...and she runs across the street to flag down a taxi, falls flat on her face, and is almost run over by the taxi, which screeches to a halt. A man bursts out of the back seat and anxiously asks her if she's all right, then helps her to her feet. As he's doing that, the two get lost in each other's eyes, and shyly introduce themselves. "And that" - Carrie voice-overs - "is how Charlotte met her new leading man", Trey. I'm sure we're all a-swoon.
Samantha whines to her doctor fuck buddy that she wants to pop another Viagra, but he suggests they go pill-less. Samantha refuses, throws a tantrum, and gets so hysterical for her Viagra fix that he finally just throws the bottle at her to shut her up. She grabs a pill, swallows it...and gets dumped soon after their energetic doink.
After being ignored by Aidan for two days - way to go, Aidan! - Carrie shows up at the diner where he and his parents are meeting for breakfast. She knocks on the window and motions for him to come outside, then natters to him about what a big deal it is to meet the parents, and tells him he's a good, good man. When she chides him for not returning any of her calls, he tells her he was merely taking her advice and was trying to be less available. She goes, "Really? You don't have to do everything I say" and he chuckles at her constant inane head games and ushers her into the diner so that he can introduce her to his parents.