Recap: Carrie voice-overs about how she’s been dating Mad Men's Roger Sterling for the past three weeks…and that she's been accompanying him to his various speeches and rallies on the campaign trail. She thinks they make a good match ‘cause of how adept he is at politics and she is at fashion [even though her fashion choices frequently scream I like to dress like a cheap hooker].
Carrie and Roger Sterling burst into her apartment, amorously smooching. He tells her he’s totes up for a doink, then picks her up like a sack of potatoes and carries her over to the bed.
Elsewhere in Manhattan, Miranda and Steve stroll down the street together after a night out. He tells her he'd like to get together with her sometime this week, and she bitchily says she can't commit to "just being available whenever". Steve is like, "Why not?" and says he's not dating anyone else because, for some God-only-knows-why reason, he wants to date only her...and a perplexed Miranda mutters, "I see" and says she hadn't considered the possibility of dating him exclusively. Steve insists that they have to be willing to commit to each other in order to see if things can work out between them, and Miranda agrees - but only 'cause she didn't want Steve to know that she doesn't actually have any other prospects. Run far and fast, Steve.
The gals are having brunch on an outdoor patio, and Carrie is gabbling at them about her budding romance with Roger Sterling. Charlotte says she's suddenly interested in politics 'cause it's a great way to meet men...and that because of who Carrie is currently dating, they now have access to the inner circle - which Miranda accurately translates to mean "men who are single and rich". Carrie jokingly reminds the gals that Roger isn't running for president, and Samantha says he should and adds that she always votes for candidates based on their looks 'cause "the country runs better with a good looking man in the White House". Charlotte chirps (twice), “I used to have a crush on Dan Quayle!” and when the other three twitch with revulsion, she gets a dreamy look on her face and declares that no president was hotter than JFK. Miranda wryly says it's a good thing that the four of them weren't around during the time of the Thirteen Colonies 'cause they prolly wouldn't have found the founding fathers very fuckable. As the nitwits cackle at their collective wit, Carrie happily voice-overs, "There we were. Just four girls talking politics." [Except that you're not girls talking politics - you're grown women who, instead of discussing politics in a manner that would befit mature adults, are babbling superficial nonsense like the vapid dinkwhistles you are.]
Miranda tells Carrie that Steve essentially asked her to go steady...and that she'd prefer to not make that kind of commitment 'cause she'll always be left wondering, "What if somebody better comes along?" She then moans about how she has no clue how to treat Steve with human decency - I mean be political in a relationship, and Carrie suggests she write up a pro/con list.
Later, Carrie goes back to her apartment to tap out her column and contemplate the link between sex and politics. She wonders if the two are inextricably linked, then types: And if so, can there be sex without politics? Yes, Carrie. There can.
Samantha is sitting at a bar when the man seated next to her calls her damned attractive and asks if he can buy her a drink. She bats her eyes coquettishly and remarks on how forward he is...and he introduces himself as Jeff Fenton, says he's [a] naturally aggressive [munchkin man] and that he runs a successful hedge fund. He invites her to go on a ski trip with him (which was weird), then suddenly gets an alert from his beeper. He tells Samantha he has to rush back to the office, but would like to lock down a dinner date before he leaves. Carrie voice-overs how special Samantha felt, being hit on by Jeff when plenty of gorgeous women were in her orbit. As the two exchange business cards, Samantha agrees to a Friday night dinner....and then Jeff hops off of his bar stool - a move that reveals his extreme shortness. He pretends to be oblivious to the mute horror that is etched on Samantha's face, and promises to give her a call soon.
While attending a political fundraiser, Samantha asks Carrie and Charlotte what they think the height difference between a short person and a little person is. Carrie guesses five feet, and Samantha mulls that over and says she unwittingly agreed to go on a date with a very short man. Charlotte pronounces that it's unacceptable to date a man who's shorter than five feet, then excuses herself to mingle with rich single men - 'cause, as Carrie explains in a voice-over, "she was determined to be elected wife before the year was out." Godspeed, Charlotte. When Miranda arrives at the party with Steve, Carrie introduces them to Roger Sterling...and Steve jokes to Roger that if he wins the election, maybe he could fix some parking tickets for him. Miranda stares at him looking completely aghast, but Steve just laughs it off and says he's kidding...and Roger forces a smile and gives him a thumbs-up. A few seconds later, Miranda pulls Carrie aside and says that one of Steve's cons are his dumb jokes - but on the pro side, he does have a great butt.
Samantha declares to some unfortunate person who's locked in conversation with her that she doesn't believe in the Republican party or Democratic party. Just parties. Charlotte, meanwhile, is chatting with a man she assumes is single and free to mingle...but is disheartened when his fiancee suddenly strolls over.
Stanford tells Carrie he likes the cut of Roger's campaign manager's jib and asks her if she wouldn't mind setting him up. Carrie reluctantly agrees, then goes over to attempt a love match - but it turns out that the campaign manager is more into blonde muscular types. Carrie fibs to Stanford and tells him that, despite the alarm bells of his normally reliable gaydar going off, the campaign manager isn't actually a gay man.
Charlotte bellyaches to the engaged couple about how she really wants to settle down...and that it seems like a miracle whenever two nice people meet each other and fall in love. The fiancee tells her that they met at a party her friend threw, where women were asked to bring a man they were no longer interested in romantically. Charlotte loves that idea and exclaims, "One woman's trash is another woman's treasure!"
As Carrie and Roger Sterling canoodle in bed together post coitus, he tells her he hasn't been this intimate with a woman in a long time...then wanks her about how beautiful, funny, and all-around awesome she is, and that he looooves doinking her. He asks her if there's anything she'd like him to do that he's not currently doing, and she goes, "Nope. You?" ... and he pretends to think that over and says he'd love it if she gave him a golden shower. Carrie widens her eyes in horror and stares up at the ceiling.
The next day, Carrie meets the gals for a movie and tells them about Roger's pee fetish. She says she managed to put him off last night, but knows she can't keep that up forever. Samantha needlessly says she once peed on a guy, but doesn't think he noticed, then advises Carrie to suck it up and give this hot political prince what he wants, since "with a guy, there's always something". Charlotte tells her that if things don't work out, she can always bring Mr. Pee Fetish to her Used Date party on Friday night...and Samantha perks up and says she'd like to use the party to try to offload her munchkin beau.
Carrie and Roger Sterling are having dinner at an Indian restaurant. Carrie is chowing down on spicy food, but refuses to drink water so that her kidneys won't produce the urine that is needed to indulge Roger's pee fetish. When he mentions that he won't be able to stay over at her apartment tonight 'cause he has an early meeting tomorrow morning, Carrie grabs her glass of water and starts gulping. Har har.
Used Date party! When Carrie and Stanford arrive, Charlotte gushes to Carrie about all the eligible men that are in attendance, then privately asks her why the hell she brought Stanford...and Carrie jokes that technically he's a man she's not romantically interested in. Samantha and Jeff arrive, and when he offers to hang up her coat she urges him to take his time, mingle among all the single women, and not hurry back. Carrie and Charlotte get a good look at him and agree that, yep, he's unacceptably short.
A woman approaches Jeff and asks him if he's having any luck meeting someone...and when he tells her he's here with a date, she enlightens him about the purpose of the party. He stomps over to Samantha and asks her if she brought him here to dump him, and she's like, "Yeah, kinda" and says she thought maybe he could meet someone his own size. Jeff challenges her to an hour in the sack, guaranteeing that it'll be the best romp she's ever had. Samantha mulls that over, is like, "What the hell?" and the two head out.
Carrie tells Stanford she's outta here, and he says he'd like to stay in case the men turn gay after suffering rejection from all the single women.
Charlotte is having a delightful time chatting with a guy named Greg - until his ex-girlfriend, Melinda, ambles over. Charlotte thanks her for bringing this wonderful man to her party, but Melinda looks less than thrilled at seeing her ex getting so cozy with another woman...and a few minuter later, the two are making out in Charlotte's bedroom.
Samantha and Jeff strip down to their underwear...and as Samantha gets boned by what she later describes as a "horny smurf", she discovers that his abilities in the sack more than made up for his shortcomings.
Miranda and Steve are also hitting the sheets...and as they enjoy some post-coitus spooning, he tells her that she's the best woman he's ever met, then adds, "I love you." [He's mad as a hatter, this man.] According to Carrie's voice-over, Miranda counted the I love you as a big pro that outweighed all the cons.
Samantha and Jeff are out to dinner...and they're having a marvelous time until Jeff toddles off the bathroom and Samantha notices that the blazer he left on his chair has a tag that reads Bloomingdale's Boy's Department. She gasps in horror and flees the table...and when she runs into Jeff on her way out, she admits she can't get past the fact that he shops in the boy's department. Jeff explains that little boys' clothes fit him better, plus they're cheaper...then snarks, "Where do you shop? The Big and Tall Whore Store?" Samantha chuckles at being called a whore [OK??] then decides that she genuinely enjoyed being with a man who was able to make her laugh. They ended up dating for two weeks - which, in Samantha's world, is the equivalent of a long-term relationship.
Carrie and Roger Sterling are in bed together when he asks her if she'd like to take a shower, then heads over to the bathroom. A troubled looking Carrie wraps herself up in her bedding [a TV behavior that no one in real life ever does] and tiptoes in after him and says they should probably talk about the Pee Fetish Situation. She says it's totally fine if he's into something so gross...and that she's willing to go as far as simulate a golden shower by dribbling warm tea on him, or leave the water running while they have sex. She offers to also leave the bathroom door open when she's using it, but then immediately backtracks and says it's probably not something she'd ever be comfortable doing. Roger says he has something to talk to her about as well, then tells her that people connected to the campaign have been reading her shitty column and complain that it's way too raunchy...and that they don't think he should be dating a skanky sex columnist so close to the election. Seems like a reasonable complaint. Carrie argues that she only writes about sex, whereas he wants people to pee on him...and Roger smugly retorts, "Yeah, but nobody knows about that."
After getting the dumperoo, Carrie writes the week's installment of her shittastic column and titles it To Pee or Not to Pee: That is the Question, but stops short of naming names. Roger is reading it with a look of horror on his face, while Carrie closes her laptop, looking smug and very pleased with herself.
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