Recap: Mr. Big takes Carrie to a fancy Italian restaurant where he's clearly a regular. As the maître d' seats them with great gushing and fanfare, Big introduces Carrie to him as his girlfriend...and the official pronouncement makes Carrie giddily blush and beam with pent-up delight. After a sumptuous dinner, Big gets up and sings along with the maître d', then dedicates the next song to Carrie...and she glances around the restaurant to make sure that everyone knows to stare enviously at her, then breathlessly voice-overs, "I felt like I was in heaven."
Miranda, meanwhile, is across town at a comedy club, where she and her date (Allan) are being entertained by a terrible comedian. Allan momentarily leaves the table to get the check...and while he's gone, his cell phone rings. The comedian gets irked by the intrusive ringing and berates Miranda for disturbing his shitty act and barks, "Answer your fucking phone!" then starts chanting, "Answer it! Answer it! Answer it!"...and soon the audience is chanting along with him. A red-faced Miranda answers the phone, and the comedian grabs it out of her hand and starts talking to the person on the other end...and learns it's Allan's wife, which makes the audience erupt with laughter. When Allan reappears with the check, Miranda glares at him and snaps, "You told me you were divorced!" He sheepishly murmurs, "Separated" and a mortified Miranda storms out.
The gals convene for brunch the next day, and Miranda tells the gals about The Allan Situation. She grumbles, "Guys are such liars" and Samantha concurs and adds, "And 97% of them can't fuck you worth a damn." Charlotte insists that not all men are bad, then regales the gals with the story about her friend Amanda's friend Ashley, who was dating a guy who actually did divorce his wife...and now he and Ashley are happily living in Connecticut and he's an amazing husband and father. Miranda lets out a derisive grunt and snaps, "Never happened" and tells Charlotte her story is nothing more than "an urban relationship myth". She then bitterly recounts the urban myth that women frequently tell in an effort to bring hope to their empty, loveless lives: a woman moves away from New York and is soon followed by her hopelessly in love boyfriend, who proposes to her in the rain...and the two get married and live happily ever after. Charlotte points out there are men and women in the world who do get married and live a happy life together, but Samantha rolls her eyes and says these things always seem to happen to "a friend of a friend", never an actual person anyone knows. She asks Charlotte if she's ever known anyone whose relationship magically changed overnight, and Charlotte motions toward Carrie and triumphantly replies, "Carrie and Big!" She reminds everyone that their Season 2 relationship is totally different than it was in Season 1...and Carrie blushingly nods and concurs that, indeed, something has shifted between Big and herself, and that they've come together again for a reason.
Carrie's in her apartment, puffing on a cigarette as she labors over the latest installment of her shittastic column. She pontificates about how the Greeks needed myths in order to endure their miserable lives, then contorts her face in a tortured expression as she ponders: do modern day singles need modern day myths? She then ponders her stupid relationship with Mr. Big, and that after an eternity (six episodes of Season 1) of not quite fitting together, suddenly they fit. Or did they? Perhaps they didn't, and she desperately needed to believe the myth. She scrunches her face in deep contemplation as she types: are we willing to believe anything to date? Apparently, since the two of you break up again, five episodes from now.
Samantha's enjoying a cocktail at a swanky Midtown bar when she catches the eye of an older gentleman who's - ack! - sitting at a table with Donald Trump. A few seconds later, The Donald stiffly exits the bar and the older gentleman approaches Samantha and tells her he was so distracted by her beauty that he just agreed to finance The Donald's new project (nooooo...don't do it!!) and she now owes him $150 million. Samantha coquettishly asks, "Will you take a check?" and he chuckles and introduces himself as Ed, then offers to buy her a drink...and an island. He asks, "Do you come here often?" and she gives him a fake wary glare and sassily replies, "Honey - that line's older than you are." Ed laughs and calls her a pistol...and as they engage in some get-to-know-you chit-chat, Samantha is pleased to learn that he's a single, available multi-millionaire.
Samantha asks Carrie what her age ceiling with men is, and Carrie mulls that over and says, "Fifty." Samantha tells her to factor in millions and millions of dollars, but Carrie still sticks at fifty. Samantha tells her she just met the cutest older man...and Carrie tries to guess his age and goes, "Fifty..? Sixty..?" and starts to look icked out, so Samantha tells her her new beau is seventy-two. She hastily adds, "A young seventy-two" and when Carrie makes a blech face, Samantha calls her an ageist. She recounts how exhilarating it is to be able to get into swanky restaurants with no reservation, and describes Ed as "a vibrant, powerful, and generous man who's just looking for someone to have a little fun with". They haven't discussed hitting the sack yet, but Samantha says she's definitely up for it, then cackles, "All cats look the same in the dark!"
Carrie's over at Big's apartment, and he's cooking up some veal chops while they sip wine and puff on her cigarette. She says she really wants him to get to know her friends better - meaning she wants him to join her and the gals for dinner this weekend at a hotspot called Denial. He just kind of shrugs and says, "OK" and Carrie gushes about what a cute and agreeable boyfriend he suddenly is. Her cell phone rings, and it's Miranda, calling to berate her for keeping her waiting while she sits alone in a bar. Carrie tells her she's at Big's, and that he's cooking up veal...and Miranda bitchily reminds her that they had dinner plans, and grumbles, "Your relationship is the same as always. It's all about him." She snaps, "Enjoy your veal!" and abruptly hangs up. She orders another glass of wine from the bartender (Steve!), and he tells her to add please to that request. She glares at him with incredulity and haughtily asks, "Um, are you allowed to talk to me that way?" and he says he is. (Haha! You go, Steve!) When Miranda brusquely thanks him for the wine, he cheekily retorts, "Steve. Thank you, Steve." Miranda says that's really cute and all, but she's not in the mood. She tells him she's not a total bitch [yes you are]...and that she's upset 'cause she just had a fight with someone. He goes, "Who? Your boyfriend?" and she snaps, "That's none of your business" so Steve asks, "Your girlfriend? Your butcher?" and when she's all, "Wha-a? Butcher..?", he reminds her that she snapped enjoy your veal! to whoever was on the other end. He shrugs and says, "I took a shot" and Miranda can't help but chuckle at his adorableness. He then (God only knows why) urges her to drink her wine more slowly so she'll stick around the bar longer and keep him company.
Miranda brings Steve home with her, and the two have sex so amazing that Miranda has two orgasms. I find it hard to believe a perpetually miserable wretch like Miranda is actually capable of having orgasms. As Steve gets dressed, he says, "That was really special" and asks Miranda for her phone number - but she just shoots him a cold stare and asks why. He says he'd like to (God only knows why) call her up and ask her out, but she tells him it's not necessary to go through the motion of pretending he's going to call, and that they should just call this what it was: a one night stand. Steve shakes his head in bewilderment and calls her "a real pisser", then gives her a goodbye kiss and invites her to stop by the bar sometime. She dismissively says, "Sure, OK, whatever" then tells him he was awesome in the sack.
Ed has invited Samantha to his fancy townhouse, and the two are having dinner in his dining room. She finds a diamond bracelet under her napkin, and when he presents her with a necklace and matching earrings, she gleefully starts clapping...prompting a jaded looking maid to roll her eyes in disgust at the brazen gold digger. After dinner, Ed puts on a vinyl record, then puts some old fashioned moves on Samantha. As they enjoy a brandy, he lays his cards on the table: he knows he only has a handful of good years left and is looking for someone to have fun with. He says he's well aware that a gorgeous woman such as herself can get any man she wants (kind of an overstatement, but whatever), so he's willing to make it worth her while. He tells her he has a pocket full of Viagra, and to prove it he grabs her hand and places it on his crotch. The two quickly head over to the bedroom and, through the power of Viagra, Ed is able to doink the much-doinked Samantha like a much younger man. Afterward, he gets up and walks bare-assed to the bathroom, and Samantha gets an eyeful of his saggy, wrinkly rump...and gasps in horror and immediately decides to make a run for it. She mutters something about having a bad reaction to the shellfish, throws her clothes on, then rushes toward the door - where the maid, who has anticipated her hasty departure, is waiting to hand her her purse and coat and slam the door behind her.
Steve drops by Miranda's apartment to tell her he likes her, and she bitchily interprets that as: I think you're an easy lay and I'd like to have sex again. Steve denies he's into her just for the sex and invites her out to dinner. She looks befuddled and exclaims, "You don't even know me!" so he reminds her she felt comfortable enough with him to go to bed with him the other night...but she dismissively replies, "That's a different thing." He asks her out for tonight, but she tells him she's having dinner with friends at Denial. Steve perks up and says he has a buddy who works there, and invites himself to have before-dinner drinks with her and her friends...and Miranda looks less than thrilled. Run, Steve, ruuuuunnnn!!
Carrie arrives at Mr. Big's apartment, where the two will have a quick drink before meeting up with the gals at Denial - but the plan goes to shit when Big answers the door dressed in boxers and an old t-shirt, Carrie's all, "Wuh?" and orders him to get dressed, like pronto, but he makes a face and asks her if she'd mind if he bailed on dinner 'cause it looks like it might rain. She puts her sad face on and whimpers, "But...my friends are expecting you" and he waves a hand dismissively and tells her they'll be fine with just her and asks her if it's OK. She stares at the floor and mumbles, "Sure" then shuffles toward the door, voice-overing that she was afraid if she looked into his eyes she'd turn to stone. Ack! Look away, Carrie! No one wants that face immortalized in a statue.
As Carrie heads to the restaurant, she berates herself for foolishly believing that things with Big would be different the second time around. She arrives at Denial, but can't bring herself to tell the gals the truth about Big's sudden no-show. Steve appears with a tray filled with cocktails, and Samantha and Charlotte thank him for his thoughtfulness, and he jokes, "If you want good service, send a bartender"...and Miranda bitchily adds, "And if you want a good fuck, go home with one." The gals each shoot her a bewildered, WTF? look, while Steve just stares into space looking hurt. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Miranda lets out a strained chortle and goes, "Hello..? It was was funny." and Steve quietly asks if he can speak with her in private.
Steve says he has one quick question: "Why do you hate guys so much?" and Miranda stares back at him in shock and goes, "Excuse me?" Considering they just met, he gets that her cuntiness isn't all about him...but for some God only knows why reason, he wants to get to know her better. He asks if it's possible for her to believe he's not some full-of-shit guy and to realize that what they shared the other night was special, but she says she can't, then snarks, "Maybe I've just slept with too many bartenders" and heads back to the table. Steve follows her a few seconds later and politely tells the gals it was nice meeting them, then sadly exits the restaurant. Carrie finally comes clean and admits that Big isn't coming and that they should just get a table for four. Miranda smugly declares, "I knew it! Big's not coming. Men are shit." Charlotte looks sympathetic and asks if he's really not coming, and Carrie just stares shamefully at her feet, voice-overing that she didn't have the heart to tell her optimistic friend that "happily ever after" is nothing but a myth [for needy sluts such as themselves]. Charlotte suddenly exclaims, "There he is!" and Carrie whirls around in slow motion and sees Big enter the restaurant and urgently wave at her. Miranda suddenly looks all discombobulated, then excuses herself to run after Steve in the rain...and unfortunately for him, she's able to catch up to him and apologize. She concedes, "Maybe I can believe" and the two start smooching...which segue ways into Carrie's second last voice-over/pronouncement of the episode: "From that night on, women would tell the tale of a one night stand that turned into a relationship...[and the genesis of Steve's personal hell]."
Inside Denial, Mr. Big engages Samantha in conversation by asking her if she ever got it on with "the old coot", and she stares back at him in bewilderment while Carrie snickers, then voice-overs, "That was the night we stopped being a myth and started being real." Until the two of you break up again, five episodes from now.
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