Recap: Miranda is in the process of moving into her new apartment...and to ensure that her Manhattan pad is furnished as stylishly as possible, she's hired Charlotte's perky friend Madeline, an up-and-coming interior designer. As the movers go about their work, Miranda tells Carrie that her old friend Jeremy is considering making the move from London to New York. She's invited him to be her house guest while he scopes out the job situation, and hopes that their flirtatious emails will eventually blossom into something of the wedded bliss variety.
Carrie, meanwhile, has become a frequent house guest at Big's apartment. When she forgets to bring along her toiletries one night, she asks him if he has a spare toothbrush, and he presents her with a never-been-used pink colored head for his electric toothbrush. She's overly thrilled by the gesture and voice-overs that she found it to be a very encouraging sign.
Jeremy arrives in the U.S. and is crashing at Miranda's apartment. As they relax on her new couch and enjoy a bottle of wine, Jeremy moans about how tired he is of dating and would love to be married...and Miranda grins and takes that as a very encouraging sign. Madeline suddenly drops by unexpectedly to deliver an end table - and Jeremy looks instantly transfixed by the cute blonde and starts chatting her up. Miranda says that she and Jeremy were about to go get dinner, and looks dismayed when Jeremy invites Madeline to join them...and even more dismayed in the next scene, when she finds herself third-wheeling it on their first date. When they finish eating, she suggests to Jeremy that they head back to the apartment 'cause he's gotta be jet lagged - but Jeremy says, on the contrary, he feels great and that he got a lot of sleep on the plane. Miranda says she's beat, so Jeremy tells her to go on home and assures her that he can find his own way back. She points out that he doesn't have a key to get into her apartment - but then Madeline offers him the use of hers...and Miranda has no choice but to throw in the towel and slink home by herself, unloved and alone.
One week later, Miranda throws Jeremy a going away party...which quickly becomes an engagement party when he makes an impromptu announcement that Madeline has agreed to marry him. Charlotte shrieks happily and hugs the happy [but insane] couple, while Miranda shoots them the stink-eye and announces that she needs to go out and get some fresh ice.
As the gals sit on the stoop outside, Miranda tells them how bummed she is about not being Jeremy's fiancee. Charlotte finds the super speedy engagement encouraging, and points out that Jeremy and Madeline have proven that it's possible for any of them to be engaged within a couple of weeks. Samantha makes a blech face and says she doesn't get why everyone wants to be married so badly, since all married people just want to be single again. She coos, "If you're single, the world is your smorgasbord." Cue a handsome man, who ambles over and asks the gals if this is the building where Jeremy's engagement party is being held. Miranda snaps, "It's a going away party!" and Samantha offers to escort him there and rubs herself against him as they enter the lobby.
Miranda grumbles at Charlotte for making her hire Madeline instead of a gay designer, 'cause surely if she'd gone that route, Jeremy would have fallen in love with her. She wails, "Why not me? What am I doing wrong? Am I invisible?" As proof of how completely invisible she is to men, when she and the gals re-enter her building, the doorman just stares at her blankly and asks if he can help her, and she rudely snaps, "I live here!" and storms inside the lobby.
When Carrie returns to her apartment, she decides she needs "a reality check" and calls up Mr. Big. She tells him she was just at a party where two people who met a week ago announced their engagement. He goes, "And..?" and reminds her that they live in New York, where nothing is shocking. Carrie says that the couple thinks they're each others' soulmate, and Big wryly says he gives that marriage three months. Carrie asks him if he believes in love at first sight, and he says he believes in lust at first sight and asks her to describe what she's wearing [a strapless, hideous thing]. She then apologizes for waking him up in the middle of the night to prattle her usual nonsense and ends the call. She then stares thoughtfully into space as she continues to think about the evening's events, then taps out on her computer the latest thing she couldn't help but wonder about: In a city as cynical as New York, is it still possible to believe in love at first sight?
Madeline is now in wedding planning mode, and for some reason Carrie joins her for one of her appointments. She voice-overs that Charlotte will be a bridesmaid, while Miranda has been put in charge of the guest book. Madeline gushes to Carrie about what a huge fan she is of her column (er, OK..?), then asks her if she could please write a love poem and read it aloud during the ceremony.
As the Sex and the City gals have brunch, Carrie laments agreeing to write a love poem and says her expertise is writing about raunchy one night stands. Samantha shifts the topic to herself and tells the gals that she hit the sheets with the guy she picked up at the engagement party - shocker - and was dismayed when she realized, in mid-fuck, that she's already fucked him. Apparently, they bumped uglies fifteen years ago. Charlotte asks her how she could forget someone she slept with, and Carrie reminds her that they're "not talking single digits anymore". And probably not double digits either. An exasperated Samantha declares, "I'm officially out of men to fuck. I have to get married or move." Yay! Move! Charlotte, meanwhile, happily announces that Madeline is letting all the bridesmaids choose their own dresses, so she bought a sexy, black, backless satin number. She says that for too long she's been tasteful and appropriate at weddings - but no more! She barks, "This time people are going to look at me!" and pounds the table with her fist for added emphasis.
Carrie is working on her love poem as she and Big cuddle in bed together. He says he definitely wants to attend the wedding so he can watch the spectacle of her reading her poem aloud, and Carrie pretends to be horrified by the idea and playfully hits him with a pillow.
Wedding Day! Mr. Big arrives at Carrie's apartment to escort her to the big event. He looks very dapper in his tuxedo, while she looks blech in a flesh colored, shapeless sack of a fugly dress. She asks him to sign the congratulations! card since he's on the guest list, and he seems really put off by that and irritably asks, "How'd they get my name?" Carrie cagily replies that Madeline must have gotten it from Charlotte, then tries to sound all breezy and says it's no big deal if he doesn't want to sign the card, and licks it shut.
Miranda is standing beside the guest book, trying to entice people to sign it, but no one seems interested. Samantha, meanwhile, is decked out in a low cleavage strapless dress and checks out the male guests as they arrive. She tells Miranda how annoyed she is that her "re-run" is in attendance and decides she needs to start drinking heavily, and heads over to the bar. Carrie arrives carrying a big wrapped box and asks Miranda if she should be irked at Mr. Big for refusing to sign the card. Maybe...probably...I dunno. Who the hell cares; your relationship is stupid. Charlotte sashays over wearing her sexy backless dress, looking smugly pleased with her hotness. She's greeted by a cute-ish guy who asks her if she's with the bride or groom, and she lights up and tells him she's a bridesmaid. He introduces himself as Martin the best man and says, "I'll be walking you down the aisle" and Charlotte follows him while beaming. Miranda scowls and complains about how invisible she feels standing beside the guest book...and Carrie glances at the program and doesn't like that her love poem reading has been included on the agenda. She mutters that she barely even knows the bride and groom. Well, no duh, but this is the storyline we've been given, so..
After the short ceremony, the newly married couple is introduced and everyone claps. Martin performs his best man duties and delivers a speech, and Charlotte stares at him, transfixed by his cuteness and wit. Madeline announces that Carrie Bradshaw will now read aloud a custom written love poem, and Carrie mutters, "Shitttt" as she makes her way over to the mic. As she begins reading, Mr. Big's phone rings, and he rushes out of the room to take the call. Carrie looks devastated by his abrupt exit and voice-overs how hard it just hit her: two people were committing to a life together, while she couldn't even get a guy to be on a card with her. She continues to read her poem, her voice quivering with emotion...and when she finishes, everyone claps, thinking her tears were that of joy - not sadness because her stupid relationship with Big is so chronically fraught with angst and insecurity.
As the guests dance, Charlotte and Martin discuss their future as a happily married couple...then hit the dance floor. Mr. Big returns to the table and asks if he missed anything, and Carrie snarks, "You missed my poem and most of the reception" and asks him if he'd like to dance. He makes a face and says he hates dancing while people are still eating, so Carrie bitchily retorts that she'll be at the bar, "where people are drinking".
Over at the bar, a dorky man is telling Samantha he knows her from somewhere, and she glares at him disdainfully and blurts out, "It's very possible we fucked." Unfazed, he says he thinks he knows her from college, so she snaps, "Then we probably fucked in college." Damn, she is one classy wedding guest. Carrie joins her at the bar and whines about how troubled she is that Mr. Big took a phone call during her poem...and then Miranda ambles over with an armful of wedding gifts and asks her if they could help her load up the van. She explains that the guest book person is also the load-up-the-wedding-gifts-in-the-van person. Samantha lets out a delighted shriek when she notices Charlotte and Martin heading upstairs together, hand in hand, and Miranda sourly declares that if those two get married in less than a month, she's refusing to attend the wedding.
Charlotte and Martin enter the honeymoon suite to make it more honeymoonish for the bride and groom. She tosses rose petals all over the bed and he spreads silly string around - and a few seconds later they start kissing, and then get it on atop the bed, 'cause yeah that'll be fun and sanitary for Madeline and Jeremy. Twenty minutes later, they return to the reception, pulling silly string out of their hair. Martin introduces Charlotte to his parents, and his father looks charmed by his son's possible new lady and asks Charlotte to dance. She grins and says, "That would be great" - but as soon as they start dancing, he rests his hand on her rump and then gooses her. She shrieks just as Martin cuts in and gushes about how super awesome his dad is, and Charlotte blurts out, "He just felt me up!" Martin immediately gets furious and rails about how his parents have been married for fifty years, and that his dad wouldn't cop a feel "just 'cause some girl is wearing a slutty dress". He then storms off, leaving Charlotte staring after him, bewildered. She bellows, "Did the last four and a half hours mean nothing to you?!"
Carrie and Miranda amble down a corridor and run into Mr. Big, who's sitting on a table and looking bored. He jokingly asks if anyone has seen his date, and Carrie explains that she was helping Miranda load up all the gifts in the van. After Miranda wisely heads off, Big says he really really wants to leave...and Carrie poutishly says, "If you want to go, go." He asks her whassup, so she wails, "You wouldn't even sign the card!" and he rolls his eyes derisively. She sadly tells him they don't want the same things, and says she wants to be with someone who's going to be with her until the end..."of a wedding". Big reluctantly agrees to stay if it'll stop her from her endless whining, and she perks up at that and goes, "You will?" but then deflates when they hear Madeline announce the tossing of the bouquet. She agrees that since the reception is wrapping up, they can leave.
None of the single women attempts to catch the bouquet, and it lands on the floor in front of Carrie. She glances down at it for a second, then bids the gals adieu and heads home with Big to eat wedding cake at his apartment.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
10/4/2020 10:32:45 pm
I love your recaps! They’re so hilarious! They should totally make a third movie! It should start at Samantha’s funeral (dying of several veneral diseases). Then Big divorces the skank and throw her sorry ass on the street so she can start her new life as a meth head prostitute.
1/28/2021 07:42:44 am
The notion of women having sex purely for the enjoyment of it seems to terrify you.
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