Recap: Carrie voice-overs about how the hopefulness of the immigrants who sailed across the ocean to start a new life in America during the early 1900s is somehow comparable to the desperate singles in Manhattan who spend their evenings trolling around bars and restaurants in the hopes of making it to their final destination: the state of matrimony. Case not in point ('cause she's not one of the hopefuls seeking marriage, just an endless string of meaningless one night stands): Samantha is out on a date with a hot lawyer named Harrison. He invites her to his swanky apartment...and in the next scene, the two are sprawled on his bed, going at it. As they exchange sexy banter, he makes a remark about her being an older woman, and she gets insulted and snaps, "Excuse me?" He's like, "Come on. What are you, like forty?" [Close, Harrison. In 1999, Kim Cattrall was forty-three.] Now that the mood has been ruined, Samantha coldly says she's going to freshen up and then haughtily storm out. After staring at herself in the bathroom mirror and desperately trying to smooth out the crow's feet, she reenters the bedroom but can't find Harrison. She hears his muffled voice coming from the closet, and when she opens it, she finds him naked and chained up with a collar around his neck, S&M style. He orders her to slap him hard, but she just stares at him in bewilderment and says, "You've got to be kidding."
Samantha has invited the gals to a party she's hosting for the launch of a new coffee table book, and the four huddle together and discuss Harrison's disturbing S&M fetish. Miranda flatly states that men are freaks and declares, "If a man is over thirty and still single there's something wrong with him." Carrie points out the obvious when she asks, "What about us?" and Miranda says, "We're just choosy." Samantha fake chuckles and says that Harrison actually thought she was forty, then leans over to Carrie and anxiously asks her if she looks anywhere near forty. Carrie smiles thoughtfully at her friend, knowing she's just been put in a must lie situation, and unconvincingly bullshits, "You don't look a day over thirty-five." Charlotte arrives at the club and excitedly tells the gals that her newest beau is a delectable hunk named Mitch Saylor. Samantha smiles knowingly and says she knows all about him, and the four hustle over to the bathroom so they can dish in relative privacy. Samantha says that Mitch is known as "Mr. Pussy" 'cause he looooves to go down on women and has become kind of a legend in that area. Charlotte looks revolted and says she has no desire to date a man who's known as Mr. Pussy, but Samantha encourages her to go out with him and enjoy his expert tongue. Some random woman exits one of the stalls and shares that she dated Mitch Saylor for a month, and that his pussy-lapping talents are unbelievable. She motions toward Charlotte and chirps, "Enjoy!" Charlotte looks icked out...and then even more icked out when the four emerge from the bathroom and see Mitch sitting at the bar, creepily staring in their direction as he suggestively licks and sucks on an hors d'oeuvre. Somehow none of the gals remarks that it really does look like there's something seriously wrong with the guy.
Carrie wasn't ready to accept that all single men were freaks...and she had so much hope in her heart that she actually agreed to go out on a blind date. Her date turns out to be an ugly documentarian who tells her he's only filming documentaries as a springboard to feature films so he can make lots and lots of money one day. Carrie looks aghast and labels him "the man with no soul" as circus music starts playing in the background. In the next scene, she's on a date with a different guy, and the two are standing in line at the movies. Without warning or provocation, he starts screaming at the group of people behind them for leaning in too close...and as the circus music starts up again, Carrie brands him "the man with two faces". Following that disaster, she goes out with an investment banker, and while the two are browsing used books in an outdoor market, she notices him steal a tattered paperback. Cue the circus music as Carrie dubs him "the man who steals cheap used books for no reason". Back in her apartment, Carrie leafs through a book entitled Freak Shows and theorizes that since freaks are no longer confined to the circus, they now roam free among normal people. She worriedly asks, "Is it true?" then taps on her computer: "Are all men freaks?" No, Carrie. They are not. The three losers you just had dates with are in no way an accurate representation of the rest of the world's male population.
Charlotte has decided to take the plunge and go to bed with Mitch...and Mitch eagerly tunnels under her bedsheets and gets busy...and soon he's making Charlotte come harder than she ever had before. Wow - really? Even harder than she did with The Rabbit? We then get an icky montage of her being pleasured by Mitch on various other occasions and climaxing multiple times. Incidentally, Mitch really looks like a demented troll, the way he ogles Charlotte from under the sheets.
Carrie is hanging out by the fountain in Central Park when a nice looking man sits near her. They covertly check each other out, quietly wondering if the other is crazy or not. Carrie smiles at him and says she just had a bad date, and the guy nods sympathetically and says, "Been there" and says he's definitely had his share of those. They introduce themselves and we find out his name is Ben. Carrie carefully scrutinizes him and explains that she's trying to find out which part of him is freakish, and he tells her that women can be just as freakish - they just hide it well. He says he stopped dating 'cause "women are bizarre"...but then throws all caution and good sense to the wind and asks her if she'd like to have dinner with him sometime, but clarifies that it would be a non-date dinner. Carrie mulls that over and accepts, and the two exchange phone numbers.
Samantha runs into a friend named Monica, who is looking fantastic after a procedure during which she got fat from her ass injected into her face. Er...OK. Samantha looks intrigued, and an hour later books an appointment for herself with a plastic surgeon.
Carrie and Ben stroll along the sidewalk after their non-date dinner. When they reach her brownstone, he says that since this is a non-date, he's not going to try to wrangle an invitation to get upstairs. The two then share a non-kiss as Carrie breathlessly voice-overs, "There was nothing non about it" and then the two indulge in a full-on smoochfest.
Samantha tells the gals that in three days she's having ass fat injected into her face, which will make her look even more fabulous than she thinks she looks now. She then needlessly lifts her skirt and shows them the girdle she has to wear to keep her ass fat tight. Charlotte gushes about how amazing Mitch is and thinks they have a chance at a future together. Samantha disapproves and decrees that Mr. Pussy belongs in the public domain; therefore, she should enjoy him for however long she can be in the same room with him and not be creeped out, then set him free. Miranda agrees and asks Charlotte what she even knows about the guy beyond his tonguing abilities...and Charlotte admits that all they ever seem to do is hit the sheets.
Carrie and Ben try their luck at matchmaking and set up Miranda with Ben's friend, Luke. The four go on a double date and casually stroll through Central Park. Miranda mentions that she's spending the weekend in Connecticut, and Luke makes a blech face and says he hates the country and hasn't left Manhattan in ten years. Miranda stares at him incredulously and goes, "And you're proud of that?" and Luke's like, "Well, d'yuh" and says that everything he needs is right here. Miranda suggests he may want to experience the world outside of Manhattan, but he just scoffs and retorts, "There is no world outside of Manhattan." Miranda is visibly weirded out, says she likes the city and the country, then tells Carrie, "I have to go feed my cat" (which is code for "I'm cutting out on this bad date"). Luke rolls his eyes and mumbles, "Cat people are freaks" and Miranda pulls Carrie aside and says since Luke is obviously a giant freak, she should be concerned that Ben is one too, since freaks like to hang out together. Carrie worriedly stares over at Ben and murmurs, "I hope not."
That night, Carrie and Ben are going at it in his apartment. She asks him if there's anything weird about him she should know before they get any more involved, and he says there is, then reveals a tattoo of Tweety that he got at a drunken bachelor party. Carrie, in turn, shows him a long red scar she got on her knee when she fought with a bully in the third grade. Ben smiles and calls her scrappy and says, "I like scrappy" and then the two start doinking.
Charlotte is at a restaurant with Mitch, trying to get to know him as a person. She gabbles about how much she loved camp when she was a kid...but Mitch just fidgets and looks totally disinterested. She asks him what he's thinking 'bout, and instead of offering any kind of verbal response, he picks up a fig and laps at it with his tongue while eying her suggestively. Charlotte shakes her head sadly as she realizes that Mitch will never be anything more than an undateable nutcase who knows how to give really good head.
Samantha's at the doctor's office, admiring her face after her ass fat has been injected into it. She coos about how fabulous she looks, then asks the doctor what else he could do for her. The doctor studies her for a few seconds, then starts marking her up with red ink, mapping out a possible breast augmentation, tummy tuck, and liposuction. When he steps out of the room to take a phone call, Samantha checks herself out in the full-length mirror and is aghast at how freakish she looks with all the red marks drawn all over her body. As the circus music plays in the background, she bursts into tears.
The next morning, Carrie wakes up in Ben's bed. He tells her he has to go play a soccer game, but that he'll be back in about two hours - and until then she should just hang in his apartment and chill. After he leaves, Carrie decides that something has to be "sick and off" about him, and is determined to figure out what it is before she wastes any more time on this relationship. To that end, she starts ransacking the apartment, searching for any clue of Ben's inner freakiness. She rummages through his closets, boxes, and drawers until she finds a locked wooden box. A-ha! She looks frightened as she stares down at it, and is certain that what she's just uncovered is "his secret box of freakdom". She lights up a cigarette and starts puffing away as she forcibly pries it open...and just as she's doing that, Ben suddenly appears and asks her what the hell she's doing. She freezes (while standing on the bed), looks sheepish, and mutters, "I don't know." She tries to explain that she was looking for something...something freaky. Ben looks understandably weirded out and tells her that the wooden box contains his Cub Scout badges from when he was a kid. He then explains that he had decided to skip the soccer game to be with her 'cause he mistakenly thought she was "a normal one". She sadly replies, "I was" then says, "I'm gonna go." Ben stares back at her in disgust and says, "Good idea."
Carrie voice-overs, "That was the day I came face-to-face with my freak" as she heads home, then promptly brushes off her insanity by pronouncing that anyone who's single in Manhattan can get freaky from time to time...but that somewhere is a freak who will love them. She then sums it all up by saying, "And in the meantime, we always have Manhattan."
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