Sex and the City - Season 2, Episode 17

Big's big upgrade

"Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women"
Original airdate: 9/26/1999

Episode summary: The gals spend the remainder of their summer in a Hamptons time share. Charlotte gets crabs from her twenty-something lover, and Carrie runs into Mr. Big and his gorgeous new girlfriend at a hoe-down.

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Recap: Charlotte is offered the chance to take over a Hamptons share from a group of dysfunctional friends...but when she excitedly floats the idea to the Sex and the City gals over brunch, they look less than enthused. Miranda says it's pathetic to share a house with your friends once you hit your thirties, and Samantha makes a face and says she concurs. She tells them that her twenty-something assistant, Nina, has a Hamptons share with eighteen other girls...and their sleeping quarters are so tight that they have to sleep (and fuck) in shifts. Charlotte reminds them how dead New York gets in August, and that this summer might be the last time they're all unmarried and childless and have time to hang with each other. Her sweet hopefulness is so endearing that the gals agree to spend what's left of their summer in the Hamptons together.

Samantha returns to her PR office and finds Nina loudly talking on the phone to one of her friends. Samantha barks at her to confirm the guest list for an upcoming event...and when Nina rudely ignores her and continues her conversation, Samantha hovers over her and irritably orders her to get back to work. Nina ends the call and haughtily tells Samantha she has personal relationships she needs to maintain during the workday. Plus, she has her career to think about. Samantha tells her that her career is being her assistant...and when Nina responds by rudely joking about the vast difference between their ages, Samantha fires her.

"I may be new to PR, but you're old and dried up."

"In that case, you're fired."

Samantha, Miranda, and Carrie are packed up for the beach and ambling over to the Hamptons Jitney. Samantha grumbles about her spoiled, ungrateful ex-assistant who stole her Rolodex after being fired. Carrie reminds her of how skanky, annoying, and self-entitled they all were in their twenties (and will continue to be in their thirties and forties), and urges Samantha to have a little compassion for the younger generation. Charlotte meets up with them at the Jitney pickup place with her flavor of the week: an extremely wet-behind-the-ears looking twenty-six year old named Greg. She covertly tells the gals he thinks she's twenty-seven, and asks them to please help her keep that illusion going.

When the gals arrive at their Hamptons share, Samantha glances around with a look of distaste and says it's less shabby chic than it is shitty chic. Miranda complains that the towels, not to mention the entire house, stinks of mildew. Greg drops by to invite the gals to a bonfire on the beach later, and Charlotte grins and exclaims, "Excellent!"

At the bonfire that evening, Samantha glances around with dismay and says that while she digs bedding younger men, most of these guys don't even have chest hair. When a girl starts vomiting a few feet from where they're standing, Carrie and Miranda decide they've had enough and want to head back to the house. On their way out, a pretty young brunette named Laurel asks Carrie if she's the Carrie Bradshaw, then gushes about how much she worships her and her shittastic column. She gabbles about how she wants to be a writer and would loooove to get some mentoring from her. She asks Carrie if she could call her up sometime, and a weirded out Carrie's like, "Uh, yeah...sure, OK." She tells Laurel that even though she'll be really busy this summer (tapping out raunchy nonsense on her laptop), she'd be willing to devote some time trying to pass herself of as an appropriate mentor for an impressionable, twenty-something girl.

The following morning, Miranda opens the front door and gets angry when she sees vomit on the porch. She's like, "What the fuck?!" so Charlotte, who spent the night on the couch, sleepily explains that Stacy and Holly did too many jello shots last night. Miranda snaps, "What are you, twenty-five now?" and when Greg's head pops up from behind the couch, Charlotte glares at Miranda and sternly retorts, "No. Twenty-seven."

Carrie is back in her apartment, perusing photos of herself when she was a twenty-something...which, yikes. She then sits at her computer desk, and can't help but wonder a couple of things: 

• Should thirty-somethings regard twenty-somethings as a threat to their very survival? (No. Just go about peacefully living your own life, whatever age you are.)
• Should thirty-somethings think of twenty-somethings as clueless halfwits who are about to get their dreams dashed and illusions shattered? (If it makes you feel better, sure.)

Carrie stares at her computer screen, thinking so deeply about her contrived "them versus us" brand of idiocy that she subtly shakes her head from side to side as she taps out, "Twenty-something girls...friend or foe?"

That evening, Carrie begins her mentoring of Laurel by letting her tag along to a book party. Laurel lays it on thick about how she can't belieeeeeeve she's out with Carrie Bradshaw and chirps, "It's too cool!" Carrie tells her to stop (yes, Laurel...PLEASE STOP) otherwise her head is going to swell. Laurel asks her if she thinks it's completely ridiculous to write a personal memoir when you're only twenty-five (yes, it is), then explains that her memoir will focus on the trend among a growing number of twenty-something girls to save themselves for marriage. Carrie stares at her in bewildered disbelief and says, "You mean to tell me you're a virgin???" then asks if her definition of virginity includes giving blow jobs, hand jobs, receiving anal penetration, etc. Laurel gets irked and makes it clear that she hasn't yet engaged in any of that stuff either...and Carrie is so flummoxed by the notion of a cute, twenty-something girl not hopping into bed with every available cocksman within a twenty mile radius that she faintly declares, "I need a drink." Laurel eagerly offers to get it for her and chirps, "Cosmopolitan, right?"

"A lot of girls my age think it's classy to save their virginity for someone special."

"Sorry. That concept does not compute."

A dorkish looking man with a friendly disposition approaches Carrie, introduces himself as Dr. Bradley Meego (the author's doctor), and then goes on and on about how thrilled he is to meet the Carrie Bradshaw....'cause, yeah, I'm sure her sex column is something all the Manhattan doctors know about and clamber to read every week. The two chat about summering in the Hamptons (turns out Bradley has a house there), and he asks if he can call her some time. She hesitates for a few seconds, then gives him permission to drop by the beach tomorrow, where she and her friends will be sunning themselves under a huge yellow umbrella. Bradley asks, "What if it rains?" and a perturbed Carrie calls him persistent and reluctantly writes down her number and hands it to him. As he says goodbye and ambles off, Laurel returns with Carrie's Cosmopolitan, marvels at her ability to attract such a fox at a book party, and gushes about how she's "got it goin' on'". [Correction: Carrie's got exactly nuthin' goin' on...and while Bradley seems like a very nice man, there's nothing remotely foxy about his dorkishness.]

The next day, Samantha, Miranda, and Carrie are sitting in beach loungers under the huge yellow umbrella, watching with dismay as a nearby row of sexy twenty-something girls tan their lithe bodies under the blazing sun. Bradley spots the yellow umbrella, jogs over, and politely says hello, and Carrie introduces him to the gals. After a quick chat, Bradley announces he's going for a quick dip and then runs off. As Carrie stares after him, she tells the gals he's cute and all, but isn't sure if she's really all that interested. Samantha tells her she shouldn't discount him so quickly, given that he's OK looking, polite, and has a house in the Hamptons...but then agrees he could end up being one of those men who looks good on paper, but is bad in bed. [Keep running, Bradley, runnnnnnnnnnn!!!] Charlotte and Greg, who were frolicking together in the ocean, scamper over...and Charlotte excitedly gabbles about how awesome the water is. Carrie urges her to put on some sunscreen 'cause her skin is starting to look lobster-like, but Charlotte breezily insists she never burns. Miranda decides she's had enough of the beach and announces that she's off to the market.

During a walk along the beach, Bradley invites Carrie to dinner, and when she bitchily snaps, "I can't abandon my friends", he politely suggests she stop by his house after dinner so they can shoot the breeze on his front porch. It's a mystery why a nice doctor, dorkish though he is, would want to waste any amount of time trying to woo a prickly skank like Carrie. 

When the gals reconvene at the house, Miranda happily announces that she picked up fresh corn and seafood for dinner...then tells Carrie in a hushed tone that her groupie can't stay 'cause she only bought enough food for the four of them. Carrie's like, "Laurel is here??" and rushes upstairs to see whassup with the needy girl. Samantha wigs out when she receives an invitation in the mail from "Nina G" (her ex-assistant). Apparently, she's hosting a hoe-down that's being financed by a group of local millionaires, and used Samantha's stolen Rolodex to put together the guest list.

Upstairs, Laurel is polishing Carrie's toe nails - someone please get this girl a life or friends her own age - and gabbling to her about how women in previous generations (e.g. Carrie and her gal pals) have cheapened and devalued sex to the point that they doink every man who crosses their paths, and then talk about them disparaging over brunch the next day. She says she's devoted to remaining a virgin until Mr. Right comes along, then mocks women (e.g. Carrie and her gal pals) who "wag their pussy at every good looking stud who walks by". Bwahahahaha!! Carrie stares back at her in perplexed bewilderment and goes, "And what is it you like about my column?" (right??)...but before Laurel can respond, Charlotte rushes in to show Carrie the "tick" on her stomach, which turns out to be crabs. Ew.

"I don't ever want to be the type of skank who wags her pussy at every hot guy who walks by."

"Whereas for me, behavior like that has become a way of life."

Carrie flees the crab infestation by rushing over to Bradley's house. He happily tells her she may have to spend the night, and she haughtily replies, "I'm just going to sleep." Bradley jokes about how all the women say that...but as soon as the lights are off, they go straight for his pajamas. Carrie forces out a weak chuckle and agrees to not rape him.

The gals arrive at Nina G's Hampton's hoe-down. Samantha looks around and is dismayed to see all the A-listers in attendance she's never able to get to come to her various PR events. She then sighs and says she'd better go congratulate Nina, since she's resigned to the possibility that she may need to be hired by her someday. Charlotte, meanwhile, confronts Greg about giving her crabs...and he retorts by admonishing her for lying about her age - something he discovered when he sneaked a peek at her driver's license. He says in a faux hurt voice, "You deceived me!" and she shoots him the stink eye, snarks, "Oh, grow up", and stalks off.

Samantha congratulates Nina on her new gig and wishes her best of luck in her PR career. A few seconds later, one of the millionaires paying for the party comes over and rebukes Nina for not doing a better job of keeping the young people from the older guests...and then a bunch of other people come over with other bitchy complaints. Suddenly, fireworks start to go off, and Nina hears them and wails, "That wasn't supposed to happen until midnight!" She begs Samantha to help her through this First World crisis, so Samantha loudly claps her hands to get everyone's attention, announces the start of the fireworks, and herds everyone outside...then needlessly introduces Nina to Greg. 

Laurel runs into Carrie and shows her the necklace she just got that features her name - just like Carrie's Carrie necklace! Yay! Now you're both tacky freaks. Carrie murmurs, "That's nice", tells her she's off to find her date, then beats a hasty retreat. While she's fleeing Laurel, she spots - ack! - Mr. Big standing several feet away, chatting with a gorgeous brunette. Carrie stumbles toward them and spacily asks, "Is it you?" and Big is like, "Ack!" then tries to look all nonchalant and casual as he goes, "Oh...hey. What are you doing here?" Carrie widens her eyes and goes, "What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" so he explains that he just returned from Paris this week, and then introduces her to Natasha, the gorgeous brunette standing next to him. Natasha politely says hello and that she's heard so much about her, and Carrie stares at the ground and mutters, "Oh, really..?" Big tells Carrie that Natasha's parents have a house in the Hamptons, which is where they're staying for the weekend. When Carrie just continues to stare at him with a sad, mournful expression on her horsey face, Natasha deftly excuses herself, and says, "It was nice to meet you." Once she's out of earshot, Carrie unloads to Big about how stunned and confused she is, then asks him who the hell Natasha is. Big tells her she's a girl he met in Paris, is everything Carrie isn't (lovely, classy, elegant), and works for Ralph Lauren in New York. He then breaks the news that he's back in New York permanently 'cause the Paris deal fell through. He claims he had planned on calling her so she wouldn't find out about his new relationship in an awkward manner - but Carrie just continues to glare at him and asks him how old Natasha is. Big's like, "I dunno...twenty-six, twenty-seven." Carrie nods bitterly, says, "See ya" and abruptly stalks off...and Big weakly promises to call, though I'm not sure why that's necessary anymore.

"Is it really you, Mr. Big?"

"Oh, hey, I would have called to tell you I'm back in town...but I much preferred not to."

As the fireworks light the sky, Carrie runs onto the beach and glares into space. Miranda runs after her and asks her if she's OK, and Carrie wails, "Noooo! I just ran into Big. He's back from Paris with his new twenty-six year old girlfriend." Bwahahahahahahaha!!! In yer face! As Miranda digests that delightful nugget, Carrie bends over and vomits...then caps off the episode with the sad voice-over: "Twenty-something girls are fabulous...until you see one with the man who broke your heart." Bwahahahaha!!

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