Recap: I Will Survive plays in the background as Carrie voice-overs about how much she's pretending to loooove not being in a relationship - and that it frees her up to do other stuff, like clean her apartment and get caught up with friends. Unfortunately for her friends, getting "caught up" entails non-stop nattering from her about how faux sorry she feels for pitiful Mr. Big and that she was the best thing that ever happened to him, blah blah..
As Carrie continues to prattle endlessly to Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha about how Big "still has to be him" and will probably die old and alone, they stare at her piteously, clearly wondering when she might finally shut her pie-hole. When she notices their glazed-over expressions, she's like, "What?" so Samantha comes right out and says, "You're obsessed with talking about Big and frankly we can't take it anymore." Bwahaha! Carrie looks at them incredulously and asks if this is some kind of intervention...and when Miranda exclaims, "Yes!", Carrie poutishly says she figured that a breakup gave her free reign to whine to her friends about it with no end in sight. Miranda tells her there are numerous benefits to unloading on a shrink who gets paid to listen to this kind of nonsense, but Carrie wails, "I don't need professional help. I have you!" The gals set a firm boundary: she has ten more minutes to trashtalk Big before they cut her off for good. Carrie sulkily says she doesn't buy the whole "shrink thing" 'cause it seems so self-indulgent...but then agrees to consider getting the professional help she so desperately needs.
Stanford, who has three shrinks of his own, tells Carrie it's no big deal to seek therapy, and quips, "Even the shrinks have shrinks." Carrie tells him that Miranda referred her to Dr. Ellen Greenfield, and Stanford squeals, "Dr. G!" and raves about how totes awesome she is.
Miranda is relaxing at home, doing a crossword puzzle, when she notices a well proportioned man standing in front of the window in the building across the airshaft. She's all, "Ack!" and rushes into another room to hide. Two nights later, the two of them have another nocturnal rendezvous...and this time the guy waves at her. Soon this sexy stranger became a nightly playmate.
A week later, Carrie goes to her first session with Dr. G. When the doctor asks her whassup, she sheepishly confesses, "My friends can't handle me anymore" and explains that she can't seem to stop herself from gabbling at them about her recent breakup. Dr. G asks her to talk about her ex-boyfriend, but Carrie smirks and says she's she's not sure she believes in therapy and has always been a solve-your-own-problems kind of gal. When an unimpressed Dr. G just stares at her expectantly, she gives in and describes Mr. Big as smart and sexy and a player of games she didn't know the rules of. Dr. G asks Carrie if this was the first time she ever dated a man who couldn't give her what she wanted - and Carrie admits that, nope, she frequently dates/hooks up with men who she well knows are ass-backwards wrong for her. Dr. G points out that the one thing all those men have in common is her, and suggests that she's the one who's making it a habit of picking the wrong type of man for herself.
Carrie meets up with the gals and discusses her session with Dr. G. Samantha rolls her eyes and says, "Of course you're picking the wrong men. I could have told you that." Carrie mutters that she obviously picked the wrong therapist, 'cause Dr. G doesn't "get" her and thinks she's a game player. Well duh. Charlotte stupidly pronounces, "You have to be. It's the only way to deal with men" but Miranda argues that relationships are supposed to be about mature and honest communication. Carrie reminds her that indiscriminate male-bashing is what gives Sex and the City its edgy bitterness, then throws it in her face that she's currently playing peek-a-boo with her hot neighbor. Charlotte stupidly insists, "Games are empowering. If you know what you're doing, you can control the situation" but Samantha says the only place a woman can really control men is in bed, particularly via the blow job. Carrie looks exasperated and says, "I do not pick the wrong guys. They pick me" and Samantha agrees that there are some pretty slim pickins' out there with so many losers in the dating pool.
The gals enter a sports bar and stare in wonderment at all the heterosexual men loudly cheering at a televised basketball game. The four sit at a booth, and Samantha purrs about how she's getting a contact high from all the testosterone in the room. A waiter comes around and brings them a round of free beers and tells them that ladies drink for free on sports night. One of the men watching sports brazenly checks out Samantha, and she quickly makes a beeline over to him to see if he'd be up for a quickie. She joins him at the bar, motions to the TV and asks him who's playing, and he introduces himself as Don and says he's rooting for the Knicks. After that, he gets all in the game and cheers, and Samantha looks intrigued by his high level of passion and enthusiasm for the team. Eventually, the Knicks score and win the game...and in the next scene, Samantha and Don are in bed together, energetically bumping uglies.
Back at her apartment, Carrie wonders if the games people play as children are primers for the games that adults play, which prompts her to ponder, "Was there such a thing as an honest relationship?" [Yes, Carrie. There was.] She then scrunches her face in deep contemplation as she taps out on her laptop: Do you have to play games to make a relationship work? [No, Carrie. You don't.]
When Carrie shows up for her second appointment with Dr. G, she encounters a sexy young Jon Bon Jovi in the waiting room. They shyly say hi to one another...and then prior to her next appointment, Carrie gets all dolled up and arrives early. Jon Bon Jovi introduces himself to her and tells her he's been coming to Dr. G for a year, then asks her out to dinner. When Carrie accepts, he hands her his card and says, "Call me." Oh Jon..
Samantha is over at Carrie's apartment, watching basketball and cheering for the Knicks. When a puzzled Carrie asks Samantha when either of them started caring about sports, Samantha explains that Don is only up for sex when the Knicks win...and, unfortunately, they've been on a losing streak lately. A little while later the Knicks suddenly win, and Samantha lets out a whoop! and says she's off to Don's place to ride his baloney pony.
Miranda is exhibiting herself to her sexy window pal. He motions at her to turn around, so she does her best to look seductive...and when he drops his pants to showcase his bare ass, she whips out a bare breast.
Jon Bon Jovi and Carrie are out for dinner, having a great first date. She voice-overs that he seems like a guy she talk to about anything, then comes right out and says, "I like you" and he replies with an I like you too return. Oh Jon..
Miranda is at her neighborhood supermarket buying groceries when she spots her sexy neighbor in one of the aisles. Her first instinct is to hide, but then she bravely approaches him and says, "I thought I'd be an adult and introduce myself" and tells him that she's the one who's been flashing her private parts at him in front of her apartment window. The guy shoots her a look of distaste and disdainfully says, "Oh yeah, right. You're the girl who lives above the guy I've been cruising." Bwahaha! A mortified Miranda backs away from him and scuttles off...and the next day calls her shrink for an emergency therapy session.
Samantha and Don are watching the Knicks' final game of the season...and when the Knicks win, they excitedly cheer. As Samantha prepares to lube herself up for another post-game romp, Don changes the TV channel to a Mets baseball game and immediately becomes totally immersed. A dismayed Samantha is all, "Wha-a?", decides there's no way she can last through another sexless sports season, and beats a hasty retreat.
Carrie and Jon Bon Jovi are making out in the foyer of her apartment...and when she invites him in, he saucily says, "I think I already am." He checks out her apartment, sees that she has Twister, and challenges her to the dumb game. For several minutes, they play and contort themselves in compromising positions...until they both throw in the towel and collapse to the floor. Jon Bon Jovi pulls Carrie atop him and the two start getting it on. Oh Jon..
Post-coitus, Carrie asks Jon Bon Jovi what Dr. G would have to say about the two of them hooking up, and he sleepily murmurs, "Very bad." She confesses that she thinks therapy is bullshit, and he jokingly threatens to tell Dr. G on her. She then asks him why he's in therapy, and he comes out right and says, "I'm really fucked up about women. After I sleep with them, I completely lose interest." Bwahaha! He idly asks her why she's in therapy, and she gets a stricken look on her face as she suddenly experiences what therapists call "a breakthrough" and says, "I pick the wrong men." She then turns her back on him in the bed, which doesn't seem to bother him since it's clear he's already lost interest.
The next morning, Carrie changes her soiled bed sheets, then quit therapy 'cause she couldn't bear the embarrassment of running into Jon Bon Jovi in the waiting room...and apparently, her friends were A-OK with that decision.