Recap: As Miranda undergoes a gynaecological exam - thanks for that visual, show - she prattles to the doctor about her breakup with Steve, and how she doesn't want a daily reminder (in the form of the Pill) that she's not having regular sex. The doctor's like, "OK, whatever" and informs her that she has a lazy ovary, meaning that her right ovary has stopped producing eggs.
Miranda meets up with the gals at a restaurant and jokes that clearly her ovary has given up hope that she'll ever get married and have kids, then grumbles, "I'm a biological underachiever." Charlotte tries to cheer her up by sharing that she has a tilted uterus, and that sperm has to jump over that hurdle to get to her eggs. Samantha says she needs a new gynaecologist 'cause lately she's been going to a male doctor...but because everything she ever experiences or talks about must be directly related to sex, it got too weird for her to have a man spend so much time on her cootch without it resulting in an orgasm. Carrie offers to pay the check and starts rifling through her purse...and as she's doing that, she accidentally flings a tiny pair of pink panties onto the table. She chuckles and goes, "Oops!" and explains that she's forced to carry her gitch around all day 'cause she's planning to spend the night at Big's. Samantha makes a face and asks her why she doesn't have any drawer space in his apartment, and Carrie shakes her head and says, "Big is weird about stuff." Miranda urges her to stake out some territory, while Charlotte thinks it's far better to remain a creature of mystery and continue to tote spare panties around in her purse. Samantha needlessly shares that she stopped wearing underwear on dates, 'cause if she ever forgot them at a guy's apartment, she'd never see them again...them being the panties and the guy. Classy lunch conversation, as always.
The next morning, Carrie is at Big's apartment, blow-drying her hair, which she's now wearing straight. As she primps, she decides that if the things a gal leaves behind at a guy's place are "the archaeologic relics of their sexual history", then by golly she should be able to leave something at Big's! She opens Big's medicine cabinet and decides to store her little hair-dryer there...and then over the next several days, she uses it as storage for more of her toiletries. When Big eventually notices her stash, he stares at it perplexedly and is all, "Wha-a?!"
Charlotte is out on the town with a pastry chef named Stephan who loves Betty Buckley...and who acts, talks, poses, and gestures like a man who's gayer than a Joan Crawford film festival. After an enjoyable evening, Charlotte thanks him for inviting her out and remarks how refreshing it is to spend time with a man she can actually talk to. She then hails a cab and says good night...and Stephan responds by pulling her close and giving her a long, hard smooch. Charlotte just stares back at him, stunned that her gaydar is suddenly all out of whack.
The following night, while the gals are out at a bar, Charlotte expresses her confusion about Stephan: is he gay or straight? Carrie says the real question is: is he a straight gay man, or a gay straight man? then explains via voice-over that the gay/straight man hybrid developed as a result of New York men being over-exposed to fashion, theater, and antique furniture. Charlotte says she didn't think she was even on a date, evidenced by the fact that she didn't wash her hair and wore a pair of unfashionable eyeglasses. Carrie changes the subject by showing off her teeny tiny new purse, and Charlotte pouts and assumes this means she left her toiletries at Big's place and is no longer a creature of mystery. Carrie gleefully nods and lists all the stuff she left in his medicine cabinet...and, OMFG, there's something else she feels the need to share: the other day, she did #2 in his potty. Charlotte gasps in horror, while Samantha and Miranda salute their friend's liberating poop dump and high-five each other. Charlotte wails, "It's the end of romance!" and haughtily says she's never done a #2 at a boyfriend's place, and Samantha rolls her eyes and retorts, "You're so uptight, you need to do a #7." Heh. Suddenly, the bartender hands Samantha a drink and tells her that the man standing at the end of the bar sent it over. Samantha glances over, sees an attractive man, and gasps, "Oh my God, It's Dominic." Carrie voice-overs that Dominic was the first and only man Samantha had ever really loved...and that he wined and dined her, set the bar for hot sex, then dumped her like yesterday's news for an Icelandic supermodel named Anka (with whom he's currently embroiled in a messy divorce). Samantha assures the gals she's evolved past the heartache he caused her, then struts over to him to say hey.
Mr. Big drops by Carrie's apartment and silently hands her a black Barney's bag. At first she looks excited at what she assumes is a surprise gift - but then her expression sours when she sees that the bag contains all the toiletries she's been storing in his medicine cabinet without authorization. She irritably tells him she meant to leave all that stuff at his apartment, and when he gives her a funny look and goes, "Why?", she motions to herself and says she doesn't wake up "looking like this" and that it'd be nice not to have to lug around hair care products in her purse all day. She then asks him what the ideal living situation is for a couple who lives apart, and he replies, "Exactly what we have"...meaning they can be together when they want to be, and apart when Carrie starts getting on his last nerve.
The next morning, Carrie's working on her shittastic column, pontificating about all the modern conveniences to which women have access: food delivered at all hours, laundry service, dog walkers. She then springboards off of that notion and wonders, "Who needs a husband when you have a doorman?" and furrows her brows as she heads over to her computer and types: Are New Yorkers evolving past relationships? She then sits on her bed and stares mutely into space as she mulls over her latest nonsense.
Samantha makes another of her stupid Sex and the City pronouncements to Carrie: "Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around, and said this isn't so hard." Carrie concedes that women don't need men, but asks, "Should they want one?" Samantha saucily says she wants more than one, then tells her that seeing Dominic again reminded her of how needy she once was and how slutty she's become - oops, I mean, how far she's come. When she announces that she and Dominic have plans to go out on Friday night, Carrie reminds her that it took her a year to get over the scoundrel. Samantha explains that she's going out with him purely to exact revenge, and that's she's planning on dumping him exactly the way he dumped her.
Samantha, who's decked out in a sexy backless dress, meets up with Dominic at a fancy restaurant. As he pulls out a chair for her, he leans in close and tells her she looks unbelievable.
Charlotte is over at Stephan's place, and they're hanging in the kitchen while he makes gourmet pizza for the two of them. Charlotte glances around his kitchen and marvels about it being her fantasy kitchen, and Stephan retorts, "This is my fantasy" and plants a big smooch on her lips. He then studies the strapless grey dress she's wearing and asks her if it's a Cynthia Rowley...and Charlotte, who assumes that this is another clear indicator that's he's gay and therefore unavailable for her to date, deflates and sadly nods.
Samantha and Dominic are at her place, stripping off their clothes. She had planned on dumping him by this time, but decides to postpone and asks herself, "What's another couple of hours?"
The next morning, Samantha calls Carrie to report that she slept with Dominic in order to remind him of what he was missing. She stretches languidly on her bed and smugly declares, "I'm better than him in bed", which...OK, whatever.
Charlotte drops by the pastry shop where Stephan works and brings along a "team of experts" (aka Carrie and Stanford) to help her figure out which team her faux gay beau plays for. Stephan brings over a plate of goodies, and Stanford exclaims, "Cannolis, cream puffs, and tarts! Oh my!" and gets an undecipherable reaction from Stephan. Stephan tells them to enjoy their treats, kisses Charlotte on the forehead, then rushes off to glaze a wedding cake. Charlotte asks Stanford if it's possible that Stephan is unaware of his gayness, and Stanford shakes his head and assures her, "We are aware" and concludes that while extraordinarily effeminate, Stephan is most likely a straight man.
Miranda is out for dinner with a fellow lawyer who's sporting unsightly hair plugs, which she can't stop staring at. Now that she's down to one ovary, she figured she can't be so choosy anymore. Plugs tells her he was bald before artificially growing this fantastic head of of hair, and Miranda remarks that he seems very happy. She tells him that lately she's been considering doing things she never thought she would, then talks about her lazy ovary, shitty luck with men...blah blah...and that she's contemplating freezing her eggs. Plugs makes a blech face and goes, "Freezing your eggs?!" so Miranda explains that it takes the pressure off a woman's biological clock. Plugs suggests it raises other, more icky issues, and asks if society needs desperate women in their 50s having kids...when clearly their barrenness is nature's way of trying to weed out their potential spawn. He shakes his head and calls egg freezing "a ridiculous abuse of science" and goes on to deride "designer sperm" and "simulated wombs", then bitterly asks, "How about just eliminate men altogether?" Miranda finally has enough and shoots him the stink-eye while snapping, "I don't need a lecture from a man who's doing crop rotation on his forehead!"
Charlotte finally throws all sexually ambiguous caution to the wind and hits the sheets with Stephan. As he gushes about how much he loves Cher, a newly confused Charlotte comes right out and asks him if he's ever been with a man. He gives her a funny look and goes, "No. Have you been with another woman?" and she shakes her head and apologizes, and informs him how really really really gay he comes across as. Stephan chuckles at her misinterpretation of his unmistakably gay aura and points out that he's a thirty-five year old pastry chef living in Chelsea. He says simply, "If I were gay, I'd be gay." Comforted by that declaration, Charlotte proceeds to get it on with him, and naturally he turns out to be super great in bed and gives her multiple orgasms.
The next morning, Samantha realizes she no longer has a strong desire to exact revenge against Dominic. The two are in bed, spooning, when he tells her how beautiful she is...then nonchalantly says, "I'm really going to miss you." When Samantha's all, "Wha-a?!" he tells her he's going back to Anka 'cause he can't afford an expensive divorce. Samantha wails, "You can't doooo this to me! No no no no no no! I'm supposed to do this to you!" Dominic casually gets out of bed, gets dressed, and tells her he's heading out...and as Samantha yells, "Get out!" she realizes she hasn't evolved past her feelings after all.
The morning after their doink, Charlotte purringly greets Stephan in the kitchen while he's cooking a gourmet breakfast. Suddenly, they hear a squeaking noise, which Stephan instantly recognizes as a mouse that's caught in a nearby glue trap. Charlotte quickly spots the mouse and kicks the trap in Stephan's direction...and Stephan wigs out and climbs onto a chair while flailing his arms about like a distressed 1950s housewife. Charlotte stares over at him in dismay, realizing that her masculine side hadn't evolved enough to date a man whose feminine side was as highly evolved as Stephan's. Oh well, I guess that's that.
Carrie spent the night at Big's, and the two are in bed, spooning. When daylight breaks, she climbs out of bed and sourly tells him she has to trudge home 'cause that's where her hair-dryer is. As she gathers her stuff together from his drawers, she comes across a photo of herself and Big canoodling...and based on that, she decides she no longer has to worry about leaving something behind and smugly voice-overs, "Because I was there." When Big urges her to stay and canoodle a while longer, she agrees - but insists upon leaving a pair of her teeny tiny panties at his place. She takes pride in that "victory", considering how big a step it is for Big to not to freak out by the presence of her stuff whenever she's not around. What a shitty relationship.
Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!