Recap: Carrie voice-overs that the best thing about living in New York is leaving it, then explains that her married friends, Patience and Peter, have invited her to spend the weekend at their swanky Hamptons estate. She describes the two as "the perfect couple" (even though the husband seems like a total dumbass), and the two get a kick out of hearing tales of Carrie's sexual escapades, which seems kind of weird. Carrie wakes up the next morning feeling rested and fabulous, and bounds out of bed so she can start enjoying the spectacular view. When she steps out of her room, she encounters Peter - who, for some reason, is ambling around the house in nothing but a t-shirt...and since the camera is positioned behind Peter's behind, we're forced to stare at his bare ass while while Carrie gets an unwanted eyeful of his chubbie. She glances around uncomfortably while Peter casually sips his coffee and tells her that Patience went out for some juice and muffins. Carrie pretends that chatting with him while his penis dangles beneath his t-shirt hasn't been at all weird, goes, "OK then.." and beats a hasty retreat downstairs.
Patience has returned with her juice and muffins and asks Carrie whassup, so Carrie comes right out and informs her that she ran into Peter in the hall and got a long look at his schlong...then chuckles and quips, "P.S. congratulations." Patience is all, "Wha-a?!" and when her dumbass husband ambles into the kitchen a few seconds later, she shoots him a death glare and asks him if Carrie saw his dick in the hall just now. He confirms that Carrie did, in fact, get a good hard look at his dick, then "explains" that she caught him on his way to the bathroom. He smiles vacantly as he grabs a muffin, then saunters out of the room as Carrie voice-overs that Patience immediately hustled her out of the house and aboard the next available bus to New York.
In the next scene, Carrie's dining with the gals at a Manhattan restaurant, and the four discuss the possible motives behind the flashing of Peter's penis. Carrie says she doesn't get why Patience was so upset with her, so Miranda tells her that single women are the enemies of married women. Carrie voice-overs that as the only unattached lawyer in her firm, Miranda's somewhat of an expert on the troubled relations between married and unmarried people. Samantha says that married women are threatened by single women 'cause they can have sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere (and by they she means herself) and Carrie perks up and goes, "We can?" An attractive waiter arrives at the table with a pepper grinder, and the girls crudely cackle about how much they want him to grind some of his "pepper" onto their food. Classy, ladies. Charlotte declares she'd never sleep with a married man, and Samantha tells her she may already have without knowing it...then derisively declares that married women don't trust single women (and by single women, she means herself), but Charlotte adamantly disagrees, and then Carrie voice-overs, "To Charlotte, marriage was like a sorority she was desperate to pledge." Miranda complains about all the pitying, poor single you looks she gets from her married friends and hates the way they're viewed as lepers and losers - and Samantha chimes in with, "Don't forget whores!" then declares that married people are the enemy.
Back at her apartment, Carrie ponders the notion of a secret cold war between single and married people. The camera then pans over to some random woman who says she loves her single friends - but now that she's married, she doesn't see them as much as she used to. She pityingly says, "It's too painful. They remind me of how desperate I used to be." After that, the camera pans over to a different woman, who grumbles about how annoying it is when individuals couple up and I suddenly becomes we. (That irks me too.) A sloppy looking guy complains about how his BFF married a woman who doesn't like him, so now he only sees his buddy on Superbowl Sunday. The first woman then reappears and sanctimoniously says, "It's all what you want out of life. Some people choose to grow up and face reality. Others live an empty, stunted life of adolescence." And then there are the people who don't put their entire self worth in their marital status, yet still manage to live contented, fulfilled lives.
Carrie and Stanford are walking down the street, discussing the non-existent cold war between single and married people. Stanford says that gay men face the same problem, particularly when couples go to Hawaii and exchange vows. They run into Joe (an old boyfriend of Carrie's) and he's with his life partner, Lou. Awkward. Carrie says, "I haven't seen you since you were..." and Joe interjects and chirps, "Straight!" and proudly shows off his and Lou's gold bands. Stanford asks them where they're registered, so Lou says, "Barneys" and Stanford mutters, "I was kidding.." Not sure why they'd be registered at Barneys after the vow exchanging ceremony, but whatever. Joe asks Carrie if she's married, and she stammers, "No...not really. I mean, no." Joe and Lou grin at each other and ask her if she'd consider donating her eggs to them so they can have a baby, and Carrie just stares back at them in bewilderment as Lou hands her his card. After they scamper off, Carrie mutters something about being reduced to an egg farm for gay couples...and Stanford takes Lou's card from her and throws it into the trash.
Miranda has grown tired of attending firm functions as a single person, so she finally agreed to be set up on a blind date. At her firm's softball game, her colleague Jeff introduces her to her date: a pleasant looking lesbian named Syd. Miranda stares at her uncomfortably before excusing herself to get a soda, and then marches over to Jeff and is all, "WTF? I'm not gay." Jeff stares back at her quizzically and says he's been with the firm for eight months and has never once seen her with a guy...and that that observation, plus her little boy haircuts and mannish wardrobe led him to the reasonable assumption that she's a lesbian. Miranda heads back to where Syd is standing and explains Jeff's befuddlement regarding her ambiguous sexuality...and fortunately Syd takes it well and agrees to stay and play softball. After the game, one of the firm's senior partners, Chip, goes over to where Miranda and Syd are cozily sitting and applauds their team play, then invites them to a dinner party that he and his wife are throwing in their swanky east side apartment. Miranda chirps, "We'd love to!" while Syd raises her eyebrows and is all, "We would?" Run, Syd. Run far and fast.
In the next scene, Miranda is at Carrie's apartment, telling her how much friendlier Chip is to her now that he thinks she's in a relationship. She remarks that he seemed almost relieved to have figured her out...then says she's determined to make partner at the firm, even if it means becoming a faux lesbian.
As Carrie taps away on her computer, she wonders if perhaps married people don't hate singles as much as they want them "figured out". My guess is that any married person with a life doesn't spend time pontificating about singles to the point where they're determining whether they hate them or merely want to figure them out.
Carrie's lunching with her favorite married couple, David and Lisa. She tells them she enjoys being single except when she has to attend functions where everyone else is coupled up - then wonders aloud if perhaps she's not the marrying kind. Suddenly, a good looking friend of theirs named Sean "just happens" to stop by, and David and Lisa invite him to stay for dessert - a non-subtle move that Carrie easily identifies as a "surprise fix-up". After David and Lisa scurry off to let the two get to know each other, Carrie and Sean talk about their lives, their hopes and dreams...and about how they're both fully aware that this was a planned fix-up. Sean tells her that his parents met on a fix-up, and considering that they've been married for over forty years, it worked out well for them. As the date wraps up, Sean asks Carrie if he can see her again, and she says, "Sure!"...so over the next week, they go to several movies and shop together. During one of their outings, he invites her to a housewarming party and urges her to bring her friends. Carrie voice-overs that she wasn't really into him, but then likens him to a DKNY dress: "you know is not your style, but it's right there so you try it on".
On the east side of Manhattan, faux gay Miranda and Syd attend a conservative dinner party...and Miranda looks very Victor Victoria-ish in a suit and tie and has her hair slicked back in an ugly, severe 'do.
As that's going on, Carrie brings Charlotte and Samantha to Sean's housewarming party. Charlotte's impressed that Carrie snagged a new boyfriend in a week, but Carrie clarifies, "He's not my boyfriend...just somebody I'm trying on." When they enter Sean's apartment, Samantha gasps when she realizes that it's full of married couples. Sean rushes over to greet them, and after a brief introduction, Samantha heads over to the bar so she can start drinking heavily. Carrie voice-overs that when she moved through the apartment with Sean at her side, there was no pity or finger pointing by the married people and assumes that it's 'cause she was "figured out". Either that or the people were nodding hello to her because they're polite human beings. In the kitchen, Samantha is chatting to a dorky guy about the stock market when a bitchy looking woman enters, identifies herself as his wife...then shoots Samantha the stink-eye and steers the dork out of the room. Samantha just rolls her eyes and throws back a drink. Meanwhile, Sean gives Carrie and Charlotte a tour of the apartment...and when he shows them the den, he says he hopes it'll be a nursery one day, then shows them a crib mobile he bought in Aspen. Yikes. Charlotte actually looks kind of intrigued, while Carrie winces in horror.
Carrie apologizes to Samantha, who's now doing tequila shots, for bringing her to a party full of married people...and Samantha surveys the partygoers and points out several of the men she's previously doinked. Charlotte excitedly tells Carrie that Sean is sooo going to ask her to marry him, but Carrie's like, "Uh, no" and reminds her that she's only been dating the guy for a week and a half...and Samantha drunkenly declares that if she turns into a married asshole, she won't hesitate to kill her.
One of the female partygoers tells Carrie that Sean is a great guy who loves kids, owns his own business, and has 300K in the bank. Two of Sean's former girlfriends gabble about how awesome he is in bed, which was weird. Charlotte discreetly informs Carrie that Samantha is plastered and that they need to extract her from the kitchen, like pronto. A few seconds later, they run into Patience and Peter - and Carrie awkwardly says hello. She tries to apologize for getting an eyeful of Peter's penis the other day, but Patience firmly replies, "Don't mention it" while her dumbass husband smiles vacantly into space. Samantha emerges from the kitchen and blurts out, "This party is terrible!" then asks Patience and Peter who the hell they are. When she realizes that Peter is the guy who flashed his peter at Carrie, she points at him and says, "I heard about you!" and starts laughing uncontrollably.
On the east side, Miranda thanks Chip for inviting her and Syd to dinner, then sends Syd off toward the elevators. Chip says he'd like to do it again soon, so Miranda comes clean and tells him that she and Syd aren't actually a couple. She confesses that she's not really a lesbian, and that she took advantage of the situation to bend his ear about the firm. Chip says, "Shrewd move. No harm done" then says his wife will be disappointed, since they were looking to add a lesbian couple to their social circle. Miranda contemplates this as she stands beside Syd in the elevator, then wonders if life would be easier as a lesbian. She leans toward Syd and gives her a smooch, then grimaces and says, "Yeah. Definitely straight" and Syd wryly agrees.
Charlotte brings a drunk Samantha home with her, and as they enter her building, Samantha flirts with the young doorman. Charlotte brings her up to her apartment and puts her to bed...but a couple of hours later, a still-drunk Samantha stumbles back downstairs, flashes her scantily clad body to the doorman, and invites him upstairs for a romp. He covertly looks around, briefly makes out with her, then follows her inside the building.
After the impromptu romp, Charlotte catches the shirtless doorman as he's sneaking out of her apartment. He explains that her slutty drunk friend invited him upstairs, then says he's been lonely for a woman's touch ever since he moved away from home. TMI, doorman. Charlotte just stares at him in icked-out bewilderment and says she's going into her bathroom now...and when she comes out, he needs to be gone.
Carrie gets ready to depart Sean's apartment, and he looks disappointed and says he hoped she'd stay over. She scrunches her face in pity and makes it clear that it's not going to work out between them 'cause they clearly want different things: he wants to get married, and she has zero desire to be married to him. Sean sadly retorts, "You could smell my desperation" and Carrie's like, "Well, d'yuh" and jokes that she was trying him on to see if he was a fit...but quickly realized he wasn't. Sean sinks into a chair and says he doesn't understand women...then complains that all he keeps hearing is that women want to get married, but none of them ever says yes to him. He grumbles that he's tired of dating and just wants to find a wife already...and Carrie suddenly perks up and says she may have the perfect woman for him.
The perfect woman ends up being Charlotte...and she clearly doesn't mind being sloppy seconds, 'cause in the next scene she and Sean are shopping for dishes. Sean shows her the china pattern he plans on buying for formal dining, and Charlotte makes a blech face and goes, "Are you serious?" She breaks it off right then and there, knowing that his taste in American Classic would be forever incompatible with her preference for French Country. Whatever, Charlotte. When she arrives at her building, her doorman sadly tells her that her friend never called him like she promised. He asks her why, and she gives him a funny look, says, "I dunno", and goes inside.
Carrie struts down a Manhattan street, babbling more nonsense about the cold war between singles and married couples. She then decides that nothing's better than meeting up with her three single friends for a movie...and she and the gals happily greet each other hello and skip inside the theater.
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