Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 17
Recap: Michael cooks Jane an elaborate breakfast of scrambled eggs and cheddar cheese, and she applauds his thoughtfulness - but tells him to stop calling her sweetheart on account of they're not married anymore and it's completely inappropriate. She says that since he's so self-sufficient maybe it's time he moved back to his beach house, but Michael begs her to let him stay longer and insists that it's because of her kind heartedness that he's making such rapid progress with his physical therapy. Jane warns him that Robert, who's returning from San Diego tomorrow, isn't thrilled about this living arrangement...and makes it clear to Michael that he's a house guest whose days on her sofa bed are numbered.
Jo tells Reed she's more than happy to put him up in her apartment while he's sorting out his life, then asks him why he never mentioned anything during the reunion episode about imminently moving to L.A. Reed explains that seeing her at the reunion inspired him to move to a city where no one knows him, and Jo concurs that it's definitely a great place where one can reinvent oneself. She warns him that her fellow Melrose Place residents are going to be all in her bidness about who he is and why he's hanging around so much, then firmly declares that she wants to take things slow and is willing to wait a looooong time to see if their platonic friendship blossoms into anything more.
Over at D&D, Amanda is being interviewed by police detectives regarding the whereabouts of her felonious father, and they warn her that if she doesn't rat him out pronto, she could be found guilty of aiding and abetting a known criminal. Amanda dismissively tells them their time is up, and that she refuses to say anything without her lawyer present. She haughtily reminds them that her father is innocent until proven otherwise, and they're like, "Yeah, sure...whatever."
Michael stops by Shooters to ask Sydney if she booked the hooker in preparation for Operation Get Robert Out of Jane's Life, and tells her that since Robert is returning to L.A. tomorrow, the seduction has to happen tonight. Sydney assures him that the hooker has been hired and briefed about her mission - but warns that the sleazy scheme might not work, given how much Robert loves Jane. Michael's all, "Oh please" and insists that Robert is no better than any other man who wouldn't think twice about jumping into the sack with a beautiful woman he rubs up against during a business trip, then reminds Sydney he wants the videotaped proof of the illicit dalliance as soon as humanly possible.
Amanda is summoned to a meeting with her superior, Bruce Teller, and a disgruntled looking Alison. Bruce tells Amanda it's come to his attention that Alison has a bone to pick with her regarding the bitchy way she removed her from a lucrative account she landed...so Amanda explains that it was a punishment for Alison engaging in some canoodley unprofessional behavior with Steve McMillan, which negatively impacted her job performance. Alison vehemently denies that her flirtation with Steve affected her ability to work effectively on the campaign...and Bruce asks her to step outside so he can chide Amanda in private, instruct her to put Alison back on the MicroComp account, and order her to take some time off work so she can fully get her brain around her father's current outlaw situation.
That evening, Alison happily reports to Billy that she's back on the MicroComp account, and that she's pleased with herself for being assertive enough to approach Bruce and lodge a complaint against Amanda's bitchitude. She then says she feels a tiny bit bad about Amanda being forced to take time off 'cause of what's going down with her father - but also can't help recognize that this is the ideal opportunity to demonstrate to the D&D brass what a talented and resourceful PR expert she's become. Billy enthusiastically agrees and encourages her to do everything, both underhanded and on the up-and-up, to show the company what a valuable team member she is.
As Michael eavesdrops from the living room, Jane is on the phone with Robert, who's grumbling about Michael continuing to live in her apartment when it's long past time for him to resume his own life in his own home. The two coo about how much they miss each other, and Robert says he's off to the hotel's restaurant to get some dinner, then plans to hit the sack early.
Robert is eating his dinner when the brunette hooker Sydney hired to seduce him (Diane Adamson) stands in front of his table, fibs about being in town on business to sell computer systems to zoos, and asks if she can join him for dinner 'cause she's just sooooo tired of eating alone. Robert decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?', and Diane motions the waiter over and orders a bottle of wine.
Amanda lets herself into Jake's apartment, and he's all, "The fuck?" and reminds her that up until a day ago she'd been desperate to evict him. Amanda apologizes for her cunty behavior, says she'd really just like to sweep it under the rug, and - to that end - invites him to jet with her to Hawaii during her enforced vacation time from D&D. Jake's all 'yay!' at the mention of Hawaii and plants her lips with a big smooch.
Robert and Diane are enjoying lively dinner conversation as Robert gets visibly tipsy from all the wine he's being urged to drink and somehow can't say no to. Diane offers to pay the check as long as he's willing to ensure that she safely reaches her hotel room, and he decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with that?' and walks her to her door, then is easily persuaded to come inside for a "nightcap". The two start smooching amorously...and when Diane suggests they indulge in a night of orgasmic pleasure that no one else could ever possibly find out about, Robert responds by continuing to kiss her. The two strip off their clothes, then get it on while a video camera that's aimed at the bed captures every moan, grunt, and thrust.
Alison tells Bruce Teller she's concerned that D&D is screwing the pooch with their Mountain Togs client and worries that they're going to lose the account if they don't step up and do a better job of meeting this company's advertising needs. Bruce agrees that he too has sensed their dissatisfaction and gives Alison the green light to pitch some fresh new ideas to the client, provided that she keeps Amanda in the loop. Alison manages to keep a straight face as she fake promises to do exactly that.
While aboard a Hawaii-bound plane, Amanda insists on calling the office to check in and quickly learns that Alison and Bruce are in a meeting about the Mountain Togs account. Amanda's all, "The fuck?", tells her assistant she'll be back at work tomorrow to give Alison the what for for gunning for her job, then breaks it to Jake that their Hawaii vacay is over before it ever began.
Michael drops by Sydney's apartment to see about Robert's sex tape, which I assume Diane speedily delivered from San Diego not long after Robert pulled out. Sydney cackles about how super hot it is, then plays a snippet of the tape, which shows Robert moaning as Diane pleasures him. A delighted Michael gushes about how thrilled he is with the results.
Jane notices a package sitting in front of her door with the note Something you'll be interested in seeing - but before she has a chance to watch the videotape inside, Robert arrives...and the two smooch, coo about how much they missed the other while he was in San Diego, and agree that they want Michael to move out of her apartment by tomorrow.
Jo enters her apartment and is confronted by a gun toting Reed, who glares at her all sinister-like and orders her to put her bag of groceries down slowly and shut the door. Jo rolls her eyes [at the eerie foreshadowing] and asks him what the hell he's doing with her gun, so he pretends to have stumbled upon it while looking for cleaning supplies. He decrees that she no longer needs a gun now that he's in her life, and Jo chides him for making assumptions about their still just platonic relationship...but then indulges in some kissy canoodling with the weirdo.
Michael is staring over at Jane's apartment through Sydney's living room window, irked and puzzled about why Jane hasn't yet kicked Robert to the curb.
During some post-coital afterglow, Robert tells Jane he's no longer going to be willing to be dispatched to his firm's San Diego office and doesn't care about the short-staffed situation. Jane says she likes the idea of him always being around, then gets up to fetch them a drink of water. While in the kitchen, she suddenly remembers the mysterious videotape that someone delivered to her doorstep and hits play on her VCR...and is immediately horrified when she sees that the sex tape footage, date-stamped yesterday, is of Robert going at it with an attractive brunette. She storms over to the bedroom and yells at Robert to get the hell out of her apartment...and when he's all, "Wha-at's happening??!", she tells him to go watch the videotaped proof of his infidelity for himself. After the two watch a few seconds of the sex tape that Robert can only respond to by admitting that, yep, he's just been busted all right, Jane screams at him to get out, and throws his clothes out the front door. Michael, who's watching the drama unfold from Sydney's living room window, grins gleefully.
The next morning, Jane asks Michael if he was the sick fuck who sent her a sex tape starring Robert, and Michael pretends to have no earthly idea what she's talking about and does his best to look shocked and appalled that Robert would cheat on her. When Jane glares at him accusingly, he asks how on earth he'd even acquire a tape of Robert doinking another woman, then points out that the culprit could be any number of Robert's disgruntled ex-clients or spouses of ex-clients seeking revenge. He then suggests that perhaps she's being too hard on Robert and points out that his one night stand proves anyone can slip up...and Jane stares contemplatively into space as she mulls over that nugget of logic.
At D&D, Alison and Bruce are meeting with the owners of Mountain Togs, who are deeply impressed with the brilliance of Alison's proposed campaign slogan: You don't have to climb mountains to wear Mountain Togs. They gush about how this type of forward thinking is exactly what's been missing at D&D until now...and a few seconds later, Amanda rushes into the conference room to join the about-to-adjourn meeting. As Bruce sees the clients out, Amanda accuses Alison of poaching her clients and ominously warns, "Poachers get shot." She then storms over to Bruce to ask him what in blazes is going on around here, so he tells her to chillax and explains that Alison was merely pitching a few new ideas to which the clients seemed to respond well...and that because she (Amanda) is so clearly overworked, overstressed, [and obnoxiously territorial,] he wants Alison to handle this account from now on.
Michael is at his physical therapy session when Robert interrupts to angrily accuse him of setting him up with the brunette and her video camera. Michael smugly retorts that he can't expect to take everything he's worth in a divorce settlement, including his wife...and when Robert says he's sure that Jane will be able to see the vast differences between them, Michael points out the most important difference: when he cheats on his wife, it's with another doctor - not a whore. Robert stares back at him in dismayed, icked out bewilderment.
When Alison asks Amanda to hand over all of her Mountain Togs files, Amanda irritably tells her that this type of poaching isn't very sporting...and warns that she can play dirty too, and almost always wins. After Alison leaves her office, Amanda calls Billy and says they need to talk pronto...and the two arrange to meet up later at Shooters.
Reed calls Jo to invite her to swing by the marina for a nice dinner, and Jo agrees to meet him there at 8pm.
Amanda tells Billy that Alison is after her job, and - to that end - is brazenly taking advantage of her current dad problems. She implores Billy to convince Alison to back off with her D&D client poaching so that she (Amanda) doesn't have to resort to dirty tricks of her own and involve him in her payback. When Billy just stares back at her mutely, his dumb face scrunched in puzzlement, Amanda spells out that she has no problem spilling the beans about the two of them hooking up three episodes ago. Billy responds by getting up, paying the check, and coldly saying, "See ya" before stalking out of the bar.
Reed takes Jo aboard a boat...and when she worriedly wrings her hands about someone catching them trespassing, he explains that he got a job as the boat's captain and plans to live on it. He then steers her over to the deck, where he's arranged for a table to be set for a romantic, candlelit dinner...and Jo looks impressed by the fun surprise and gives him a kiss.
The next morning, while lazing naked in bed together, Jo half-heartedly laments not taking things slow with him, but agrees that it's too late to go back to being platonic friends. Reed says he's more than ready to experience life again after being locked up for two years, and the two start up with another smoochfest.
Alison tells Amanda she's decided to give her back the Mountain Togs account 'cause this type of underhanded bitchery really isn't her style. Amanda nods approvingly and says she was mostly miffed about it 'cause she was under the odd delusion that they're friends, then says she won't hold the quest for personal advancement against her. She tells Alison it's OK with her if she keeps the account, not least 'cause it was a mandate from her boss, but warns her not to blow it with the clients 'cause she won't be there to fix shit if things go awry.
That evening, Alison tells Billy that she and Amanda had an interesting heart-to-heart...and a panicked Billy translates that to mean Amanda confessed their one night stand. As he twitches nervously, Alison natters about how everything between her and Amanda is A-OK, now that they've agreed Alison stole the client account fair and square...and Billy looks relieved that his indiscretion remains undiscovered and leans in for a congratulatory kiss.
Michael cooks Jane an elaborate dinner and explains that it took a brush with death for him to get his priorities in order. He suggests they put their messy past behind them and says he's never stopped loving her...and Jane gives him a happy hug while Sydney stands outside the apartment, creepily watching them through the window and looking less than thrilled at their cozy togetherness.
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12/4/2021 10:15:03 am
Maybe it’s just me and my curiosity, but if I received a tape with a note like that, I would have watched it right away even if my boyfriend did just come over….I get wanting to hit the sheets but the guy was only away for a few days; not like he was gone for a month lol.
12/9/2021 12:34:59 pm
Incidentally, that "hooker" was Famke Janssen of Goldeneye and X-Men fame.
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French
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