Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 16
Recap: Billy is exercising in the living room when Alison announces that she's heading over to Jo's apartment for breakfast...and after she leaves, Billy covertly watches her from the window, then sneaks up to Amanda's apartment once the coast is clear. Amanda gives Billy's sweaty body an appreciative once-over and asks him to what she owes this pleasant surprise, so he tells her he wants to make it crystal clear to her that he's back with Alison now...and that he'd appreciate her keeping mum about their sexcapade two episodes ago. A disappointed Amanda says she had, for some God-only-knows-why reason, been clinging to the assumption that their passionate liaison meant a second chance at a relationship...but then shoots him the stink-eye and says that that was until she forgot one important detail, and snappishly mutters, "You're a kid" before shutting the door in his face.
Jo tells Alison she's contemplating attending her tenth high school reunion in San Francisco, and Alison points out that that could be great fun...then wanks Jo about how her super successful photography career is sure to impress her former classmates. Jo mulls that over and decides 'ah, what the hell could possibly go wrong with me attending the reunion?'
Michael once again thanks Jane again for opening her home to him while he recuperates and says he's making great strides with his physiotherapy. He then notices the earrings she's wearing and gleefully points out that she's wearing the gift that he - meaning not Robert - bought for her for Christmas. Jane points out that she's also wearing the pendant Robert gave her and says she always keeps it close to her heart, then informs Michael that she and Robert are going out this evening and that he shouldn't wait up. Mmm hmm..
Amanda slides an eviction notice under Jake's door, prompting him to burst it open and chide her for being too cowardly to hand the notice to him in person. Amanda just shrugs and says there's nothing left for her to say and that he needs to be out by next week. Jake argues that evicting him without cause is illegal, warns that he's refusing to just disappear, and insists that Papa Woodward was the one who committed fraud at the garage. Amanda's like, "Blah blah blah.." and growls at him to get outa Melrose Place and outa her life forever.
Amanda shows up at Jo's beach photoshoot, explains that she's doing everything possible to evict Jake from Melrose Place, and would appreciate it if she would join forces with her in that effort and write a letter detailing all of the damage Jake did to her apartment during the Of Bikes and Men episode. Jo says she's not interested in screwing over Jake despite the horrible way their relationship ended, then tells Amanda to give up "the sisterhood crap" and calls her out on only ever being out for herself.
During physiotherapy, Michael struggles to walk on his flopsy legs, and grows frustrated when he can't get them to work. The therapist barks at him to try harder and insults him in an effort to make him angry enough to somehow force his legs into motion...but a pissed off Michael just falls face-down. A few seconds later, he stares into space with a stunned expression and says he just felt some movement in his legs...and the therapist swiftly helps him up so that he can continue to try walking.
That evening, Jo drops by Jake's place to tell him she's more than happy to re-loan him the 15K he repaid her after he got the advance from Papa Woodward - but he insists on paying his own bills and, to that end, is in the process of looking for work. Jo asks him why, in the name of all that is holy, he ever hooked up with a toxic tart like Amanda, and he grins and replies, "You know me, I love a challenge."
Sydney is delighted to encounter Michael at one of her tables at Shooters and presumptuously seats herself across from him. He grumbles at her to leave him alone and harshly reminds her that they're not friends...so Sydney admonishes him for sucking up to Jane, who she insists is unlikely to ever want to take him back after he cheated on her with Kimberly and then her own sister. Michael says he couldn't give the tiniest of rat's asses about her opinion, so a fed up Sydney yells about how tired she is of the "over the hill, oversexed jerkoffs" at Melrose Place and plans to get herself a nice apartment elsewhere. [Sounds like the wisest idea Sydney's had, pretty much ever.] After she huffily stomps off, an amused looking Jake wanders over and seats himself across from Michael so the two can commiserate about how emotional women can be...but then is all 'the fuuuuuck, dude?!' when Michael confesses to hitting the sheets with Sydney.
Jane and Robert are going at it in her bedroom when Jake helps Michael into the apartment and gets him settled in his sofa bed. When they hear Jane loudly moaning with pleasure, Jake tells Michael he's welcome to bunk at his place for the night - but Michael declines, then stares despondently into space as he listens to Jane's 'Ooooohh Robert' orgasmic noises.
The next morning, Jane and Robert are canoodling in the kitchen and cooing about how much they're going to miss one another when Robert is dispatched to his firm's San Diego office for the next four days. Robert cackles about how funny it is that her ex-husband is in the next room, and Jane assures that this idiotic living arrangement isn't going to be in place for much longer. After Robert heads off to work, Michael - who's been covertly eavesdropping on the conversation - pretends to wake up from a fitful sleep, then points out to Jane that he's speedily graduated from his wheelchair to a pair of crutches and could use a congratulatory kiss. Jane declines the kiss, says she's proud of him, and that it'll be good for both of them when he's fully mobile and able to live his own life...far away from her Melrose Place apartment.
Amanda summons Alison to her office to bitchily inform her that she's taking her off the MicroComp account, citing her canoodley unprofessionalism with Steve as the reason. A stunned Alison reminds her that she landed the account, built the entire campaign, and ultimately refrained from hitting the sheets with Steve - but Amanda says she doesn't buy it as evidenced by 1) the two of them spending Thanksgiving together in her San Francisco hotel room, and 2) the fancy new jeep he bought for her. An incensed Alison insists that taking MicroComp away from her is unfair, but Amanda just coldly orders her to hand over the account's files pronto.
At Shooters, Sydney waits on a customer named Roy who gives her a lecherous once-over and tells her that Kristian Alfonso passed along her name with the message that 'a date with Sydney would be something you'd remember for a loooooong time'. Sydney passes and informs him that she's no longer a ho, but Roy follows her as she winds her way through the restaurant and gushes about his weakness for redheads and that he has lots of cash he'd like to shower upon her. Sydney mulls that over and throws out a $2,000 price tag, and he beams in horny approval.
Hickman High reunion! Jo arrives at the school decked out in a shapeless black outfit draped with some kind of colorful velvety cape that looks like a large throw blanket. She checks in and is instructed by the stereotypically perky alum managing the registration desk to put on her nametag and mingle. As Jo tentatively wanders around, nametag-less, she runs into an old crush: a shady looking guy named Reed Carter. The two perk up at the sight of each other, decide to make a break for the nearest exit in order to avoid the impending pep rally, and reminisce about old times. After some banter about how hard each crushed on the other throughout high school, Reed leans in for a smooch and invites Jo back to his hotel room for a "nightcap". Jo suggests they instead meet for breakfast tomorrow morning, and Reed chucklingly agrees, and marvels about how there's always so much going on inside that head of hers.
Billy returns home from work and finds a depressed Alison laying in bed, eating pizza and watching TV. She explains that Amanda upset her so much at work today that she's created a bed/eatery cocoon for herself, and is quick to point out that this time her excessive moping doesn't include alcohol. She scrunches her face in puzzlement and tells Billy she can't figure out why Amanda suddenly hates her so much, and Billy gives her a comforting hug and mumbles that he can't fathom what could possibly have brought that on.
Jake is enraged when he sees that Amanda has tossed all of his belongings into the courtyard and changed the lock on his door. He screeches at Amanda to get her ass downstairs, and she hurriedly descends the staircase while threatening to call the police for disturbing the peace. She explains that he's officially evicted 'cause his rent check bounced, then orders him to leave the premises...and Jake responds by kicking in his door. Amanda's all, "The fuck?!" and warns him that he's in deep trouble for the destruction of her property, then claims that she has an additional witness - Jo - who wrote out a complaint about all the damage he once did to her apartment. Jake makes a 'yeah right' face and calls that crap, and Amanda warns him to be gone by morning.
Sydney arrives at a hotel to service Roy, and he asks her to specify how much money she's charging and exactly what his penis will be getting in return. Sydney ignores that gigantic red flag and gaily tells him that for $2,000 he'll get the best sex of his life. Roy smugly hands over a wad of cash...and after she accepts it and says she's ready to get down to some ho-action, he handcuffs her, places her under arrest, and reads her her rights. [OK, I'm no expert in the undercover policing of hos...but this entire "sting operation" seems ridiculously entrapmenty.]
Sydney is booked at the police station, then gets bailed out for $500 by Michael. She tells him she's grateful for his help and calls the arrest a huge misunderstanding...but when he says he doesn't buy that for a second, she sheepishly admits to falling into prostitution after meeting a charismatic madam who quickly hooked her up with rich men who like to pay good looking women for sex. Michael cacklingly exclaims, "I can't believe this, you're a whore!" - but Sydney insists she's no longer living the ho lifestyle, then begs him to swear he'll never tell anyone, especially Jane. He promises to keep quiet, but makes it clear that she owes him big, and that he doesn't want any crap when he comes around to collect.
Over breakfast, Jo gives Reed a quick recap of her post-high school life, so then he tells her he just got out of a federal penitentiary after serving two years for a drug charge. As Jo pales and is all, "Wha-a-a-a??", he explains that he used to run a boat chartering business in the Florida Keys, and that, unbeknownst to him, one of his customers was a drug smuggler and he somehow got tangled up in the drug bust when the Coast Guard raided the boat. Sounds kind of implausible and shifty, but OK. Jo chews on that tall tale for a few seconds, then applauds his courage in coming right out and telling her about his prison time...but when Reed suggests they spend the next couple of days touring California wine country, she hastily says she has to work and insists that she's not at all turned off by "the jail thing".
Later, Jo returns home and tells Alison about reconnecting with her old high school crush...and that she's about to fall hook, line, and sinker for his bullcack about being wrongly arrested/imprisoned on a faux drug charge.
Amanda flees her apartment, screeching at Jake about an exploding water emergency in her kitchen. He clucks faux sympathetically, reminds her that she just evicted him, and suggests she call a plumber. A few seconds later, Billy exits his apartment dressed in only a towel and reports a serious water problem in his bathroom...so Jake agrees to remedy the building's plumbing issues in exchange for not being evicted, and Amanda reluctantly agrees.
Jo stops by Jake's place to inform him that the 15K check he made out to her bounced, and Jake wryly tells her that the feds have frozen any money he earned from Papa Woodward's garage. He then tells her that Amanda claims she (Jo) wrote a letter complaining about him once trashing her apartment, and Jo growls about what a liar she is, and that he should really try to hook up with someone who actually cares about him. Jake looks momentarily alarmed and gently breaks it to Jo that he has zero desire for the two of them to ever get back together, and she marvels at his ego and assures him that hitting the sheets with him again is the very last thing on her mind.
The next morning, Amanda calls a plumber to her suite and asks him to upgrade her fixtures and safety valve...but to put off any improvements to the rest of the apartments until a later time (circa never). A few seconds later, she gets a phone call from her father, who summons her to an important tête-à-tête in a nearby park.
Papa Woodward tells Amanda that his legal troubles don't look good...then admits that, yep, he's totally guilty of all the fraud crimes he's been charged with and that Jake accused him of. An aghast Amanda moans, "Daddy, noooooo.." as he apologizes for lying to her about what a two-bit fraudster he's been his whole life. He then tells her that since he can safely assume he wouldn't last in jail, he's going to disappear for a very long time...and Amanda mutters, "This can't be happening." Papa Woodward assures her it is, but that since she's a grown woman he's going to breezily assume that she's going to be just fine. He weakly promises to make it up to her - but she firmly says no and abruptly gets up and stalks off.
Michael drops by Sydney's apartment to collect on the favor she owes him, namely to hire the most gorgeous hooker she knows to seduce Robert while he's in San Diego and videotape the encounter. Sydney says she's doubtful that Robert will fall for such a sleazy scheme, but Michael is confident that that, like all men when it comes to the prospect of a sexy liaison with a seductive stranger, Robert will "snap like a twig".
Jo is on her way back from the laundry room when Reed suddenly appears in the Melrose Place courtyard and startles her. He tells her he's been waiting around for her for awhile, and she stares back at him with a mixture of annoyance and unease.
Amanda pays Jake a visit to sheepishly admit that he was right all along about her father's illegal car shenanigans, then tears up and wails about how the fraudster's been lying to her for years. Jake rolls his eyes with an 'I told you so' expression etched across his face, but then pulls her towards him for a comforting hug.
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12/2/2021 04:15:05 am
"[OK, I'm no expert in the undercover policing of hos...but this entire "sting operation" seems ridiculously entrapmenty.]"
Isabel K. French
12/2/2021 06:35:09 am
As always, thanks for your sharp eye about "San Francisco". I knew it was San Diego, but there are too many "San" cities mentioned in these recaps for my brain to keep straight. :)
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Recapper: Isabel K. French
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