Recap: Jane wheels Michael over to the breakfast table and reminds him that she's only allowing him to stay in her apartment 'cause he has no better options. She makes it clear that her life has taken on a fun new pattern that involves dating Robert, and that she has no intention of altering this pattern while he's recuperating in her living room. Michael pretends to be in full agreement with everything she just said and fake assures her that he has no intention of cramping her style. Over at D&D, Amanda happily reports to Steve and Alison that MicroComp's sales increased dramatically during Phase One of their campaign, and gets Steve's assurance that he's going to retain D&D's services for the next series of phases. Steve applauds the impressive work D&D has done for his company, and singles out Alison's efforts. Alison blushingly tells him they're going to need to meet next week to flesh out campaign ideas for the future phases, but Steve says he'll be sending his rep to that on account of he'll be in Paris for the next six months, setting up MicroComp's European division. Amanda congratulates him on going international so quickly, while a crestfallen Alison trails out of the conference room after Steve and asks whassup with him not telling her about his imminent move to Paris. He tells her he's leaving L.A. so he can get over her, apologizes for complicating her relationship with Billy, and vows to soon be out of her life for good. He curtly says, "Take care, Alison" - just as Amanda sidles up next to her and snarks, "You really let that slip through your fingers, didn't you?" Meow. At Escapade Magazine, Nancy informs Billy and Celia of a feature article emergency, then explains that this month's article about a cult was ordered shelved by their legal department after the cult threatened to sue. She says she now needs another titillating piece to publish and tells Billy and Celia that she's going out on a huge limb by giving them the opportunity to fill this gap. The two assure her they're up to the challenge of covering an important, hard-hitting issue of the day...then visibly deflate when Nancy smilingly tells them that her topic of choice is video dating. She instructs them to sign up with the video dating service, Mate Matcher, then team up to write an article that sums up their collective experience. As Billy and Celia look less than thrilled by getting saddled with such an inane puff piece, Nancy urges them to warm up to this journalistic challenge and get cracking.
Jake hands over documented proof of Papa Woodward's vintage car selling scam to the FBI, and Agent Hill thanks him and says they plan to continue gathering evidence in order to make the case as airtight as possible. Jake kind of chuckles and asks if this whole investigation isn't a bit "penny ante" for the FBI in the way they're treating Papa Woodward like a hardened criminal, so Agent Hill tells him that Woodward has been running some pretty major scams for quite some time. He then informs Jake that he wants him to wear a wire and get Papa Woodward to admit on tape that he's been up to no good, and an incredulous Jake blurts out, "Are you nuts?!" and points out that surely his boss is going to be onto him the moment he starts pumping him for information. He reminds Agent Hill that his participation in this operation was supposed to be purely anonymous, and Agent Hill contorts his face all sinister-like and snarls that when the situation changes, they have to adjust. Jake heads back to work and fibs to Papa Woodward that the errand he was running took a lot longer than expected. Papa Woodward remarks on how edgy he seems, then just shrugs it off and tells him that Amanda's on the phone for him. When Jake takes the call, Amanda tells him it's incredibly urgent that they meet tonight on a specific street corner, then gives him the address. A bored Michael attempts to transfer himself from the sofa bed into his wheelchair, but ends up falling face down on the floor, unable to move. He yells for help...and Sydney, who just happens to be within hearing range of the apartment at that very moment, responds by letting herself in. As Michael whimperingly pleads with her to help him up, she decides that now is the perfect time to talk about how horribly he treated her when he shut her out of his life. A desperate Michael promises to pretend he's willing to reignite their friendship, and Sydney grins, says, "I knew you'd see it my way", and helps him get back into bed. That evening, Jake meets up with Amanda and asks whassup with the urgency, so she's all, "Surprise! I'm taking you on a skiing trip!", then pulls him over to a nearby store window that's displaying fashionable ski wear. She coos about how wonderful it's going to be to get away together, lays it on super thick about how he's the most trustworthy, honest, patient boyfriend she's ever had in what's been a pretty dismal dating history, then steers him inside the store to browse the jackets and ski pants.
Alison arrives home from work and is stunned by the delivery of a brand new jeep, courtesy of Steve. Billy, who witnessed the delivery, gets all snarly about Steve's generosity...and after he stomps off, an intrigued Alison reads Steve's note thanking her for her great PR work and inviting her join him for one last 'pleeeeease consider dating me' dinner. Billy is sacked out on Jake's couch, watching videos of airheaded women talking themselves up as part of their Mate Matcher dating service profile. Billy grimly tells Jake he's dismayed by the low caliber of female offerings and can only conclude that "all the good ones are taken". Jake swiftly changes the subject to Papa Woodward's vintage car scam and tells Billy that he got roped into working with the FBI to help build a case against him so that he can be arrested and brought to justice for his fraud crimes...then wrings his hands about how Amanda's going to react, given how much she idolizes her shitty pa. He further confides that the FBI now wants him to wear a wire and correctly assumes that that level of assistance is going to mean the end of his relationship with Amanda, and Billy advises him not to do anything he's not comfortable with and to tell the FBI to go pee up a rope. Jane tells Michael she's heading off to work now, but will pop by at lunchtime for a few minutes to check on him...which is all the time she can devote to him today 'cause she has a lunch date with someone she coyly refuses to reveal. Jake tells Agent Hill he's not willing to destroy his relationship with Amanda by wearing a wire and trapping Papa Woodward into a confession...so the agent snarkishly informs him that his fingerprints are all over the illegal car operation, mostly 'cause Papa Woodward has been setting him up as the fall guy in case the authorities ever happened to twig onto his criminal activity. An indignant Jake protests, "That's blackmail!", but Agent Hill just shrugs and makes it clear to Jake that right now he needs the FBI more than the FBI needs him. Billy grumbles to Celia about how stooooopid he thinks the video dating assignment is and whines that he's not ready to even go out on fake dates after being dumped by Alison for a richer, smarter upgrade. Celia reminds him that Nancy assigned them to write this feature article and is counting on them to produce something publishable...then orders him to roll up his sleeves, get to work, and shut his dumb pie-hole about his dumping. Alison is having dinner with Steve, who smilingly asks her what Billy thought about the new jeep he bought for her. She tells him that Billy moved out while she was in San Francisco, and that somehow they never could get their relationship past its inherent dysfunction. Steve says he can't help but be encouraged by the breakup and translates it to mean there's chance for the two of them. He invites her to the ranch this weekend so they can experience what it feels like to be completely alone together, and she says she's definitely into that idea. Jake enters Papa Woodward's office, says he's noticed some oddities about how this garage is being run, and demands honesty. Papa Woodward snarlingly asks him how much money he wants to keep his trap shut, so Jake says he merely doesn't want to be kept in the dark about his workplace, particularly when they're practically family. Papa Woodward mulls that over, decides 'what harm could possibly come of me detailing exactly how this scam works?', and admits that he's been reselling reproductions as vintage originals, and typically closes up shop on scams like this before law enforcement has a chance to figure any of it out. He suddenly gets a clue that what he just confessed might not have been the wisest move, and he violently shoves Jake against the wall and rips open his shirt to expose the wire - just as FBI agents burst in and place him under arrest. As Papa Woodward is cuffed and led out of the office, he glares at Jake and growls, "I'll crush you."
Over at Melrose Place, a frantic Amanda tells Jake that her pa has just been arrested...and he calmly tells her he knows all about it 'cause the FBI made him be part of their investigation. As she stares back at him in stunned bewilderment, Jake tells her that her pa has been running a car selling scam and confessed to as much on an FBI wiretap, but Amanda cries, "I don't believe you!" and rushes off to the police station. The following morning, Amanda bails her pa out of jail. He calls the arrest ridiculous and asks her if she believes he's innocent, and she assures him she's gullible enough to buy his implausible nonsense about how Jake was responsible for the scam and deviously set him up to take the fall. Papa Woodward asks her how well she really knows this grease monkey, and she's like, "Obviously not well enough" and expresses surprise about how wrong she was about him...and Papa Woodward retorts, "There are people you can never really know", the irony of which (at least for now) is completely lost on Amanda. Billy is on a date with a Mate Matcher prospect, and she's an extremely chatty gal, who, incidentally, also played Kelly's burn victim friend on Beverly Hills, 90210. She asks Billy what he does, what his parents do, and what kind of car he drives, and Billy translates all of that to mean she's far more interested in his wallet and credit rating than she is in him. He rudely admonishes her for being a materialistic airbrain, then pays the check and storms back to the office. He complains to Celia that his date was such an obvious gold digger that he up and left the restaurant without bothering to follow through with the evening, and Celia's all, "The fuck?" and reminds him they have a feature article about video dating to write...and that she considers this assignment, trivial as it is, to be her big break. She rails at Billy for being immature, selfish, and unserious about journalism...but he assures her that somehow he'll find a way to scrape together enough content to detail his limited Mate Matcher experience for their article. Alison and Steve enjoy a romantic picnic out in nature, and she wanks him about how intelligent, driven, and sexy he is. He gazes back at her with dreamy smittenness and says that the feeling is mutual...then tells her he came out to this very spot a week ago to contemplate his future, and concluded that he really really wants her in it. He solemnly declares, "I love you Alison" before leaning in and giving her an intense smooch.
Amanda bitchily informs Jake that she's taking every measure possible to get him evicted from Melrose Place, and tells him she's full on drinking her father's Kool-aid about how he (Jake) used the both of them to pull off a major scam. Jake urges her to think rationally about this for a moment, then tells her that the FBI were onto her felonious father long before this car garage venture took shape - but Amanda's all, "La la la la la, I'm not listening" and warns that if he's not out of his apartment by the end of the week, she'll have him thrown out. Jake heads over to Shooters, where Jo is making money hustling other pool players. The two exchange some flirty banter before Jo decides 'meh...been there, done that' and exits the club. Over at Ranch McMillan, Steve lights several candles and puts on a jazz CD...and gets into some smooching action with Alison. He steers her over to the bed and mounts her - but she suddenly decides she's not into it and tells him that things are moving too quickly. She scrunches her face confusedly and explains that she came to the ranch thinking she really wanted to be with him...but once she got far enough away from Billy, she realized she actually favors the dumb lug. She apologizes to Steve for confusing him and leading him on, then says she should probably drive back to L.A. now...and a peeved Steve snaps, "Yeah, you probably should." Alison suggests he drive her back via the brand new jeep 'cause it's too weird for her to accept such an extravagant gift from a guy she's flat out rejecting sexually, and Steve mournfully asks, "What does Billy have that I don't?" and Alison's like, "Dunno" and says she still feels like she has a commitment to him. In the Melrose Place courtyard, Billy encounters Amanda as she's trying to get a tight lid unstuck from a trash can...and he offers to help, which results in both of them breaking the lid and can apart before hurtling to the ground amid the trash. After giggling for a few seconds, Billy helps her up...and the two press up against each other and start fervently smooching. They head upstairs to Amanda's apartment, where they proceed to roll around her living room while simultaneously getting naked. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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